Redefining Success – YOUR Way

What if the reason you’re exhausted isn’t your workload—it’s your definition of success? 

We go straight at the hustle metrics that high-achieving moms are taught to worship—titles, spotless homes, jammed calendars—and replace them with something saner: values, progress, and alignment you can feel. 

Using The Gap and the Gain framework, we show how to measure backward from your starting point instead of chasing an ideal that keeps moving, so confidence builds and action gets easier.

You’ll hear candid client stories that prove your metrics can evolve with your season of life.  We dig into practical ways to quiet comparison, set cleaner boundaries, and protect the projects and people that light you up, without getting stuck in guilt or perfectionism.

We also share a super simple exercise to anchor your day and get clear on how YOU want to measure success from here on out.   

If you’re ready to trade striving for satisfaction and reclaim the energy to lead a life that fits, press play. 

If this conversation resonates, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs it, and leave a review to help others find the show. Your words matter.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome & Today’s Focus
• 0:59 The Trap of Hustle and Busyness
• 2:36 Conditioning, Comparison, and Social Media
• 4:10 Moms, Metrics, and Misplaced Worth
• 4:58 Introducing The Gap and The Gain
• 7:11 Shifting from Ideals to Progress
• 8:03 Client Story: Values that Evolve
• 11:34 Redefinition as Personal and Seasonal
• 12:54 The Disruptor Mindset and Cultural Norms
• 14:07 The Exercise: “I Know I’m Successful When…”
• 17:13 Real Examples from Clients and Life
• 20:20 Make It a Practice: Intention and Reflection
• 22:00 Closing, Next Week’s Guest & Giveaway

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

You are listening to the Rockstar Mom, a podcast for high achievers who are ready to get off of autopilot and live a life with more intention, peace of mind, and happiness. This is a space to expand, dig deep, get clear, and take action towards living your most authentic, aligned life. I'm Megan Caldwell. As a mom of three, two-time burnout survivor and empowerment coach and speaker, I've cracked the code on what it actually takes to thrive at work and home, ditch perfectionism and people pleasing, get your schedule under control, and live with more ease. So you've got more time and energy to do the things you love without the mom guilt. It's time to get out of your head and into action. Now is the time to live your most rock star life. Let's go. Hi, friend, and welcome back to the Rockstar Bomb I'm so thrilled that you're here with me today, and we are talking about a topic about redefining success. And this, my friend, in my opinion, can be quite the game changer when you wrap your head around this and actually dive in and commit. For so long, I'm sure many of you can relate, I measured my success by how much I got done, the to-do list, the promotions, climbing the ranks, the gold stars I earned. But what I've realized over time, my own journey, as well as supporting other women in this space, is that despite checking all of the boxes, doing all of the things, I was still not feeling fulfilled. Something was missing. So today we're really going to be talking about achievement and external validation. Like what title do you hold? Or what degrees do you have? What job roles do you have? How do you compare to others? Really, so many of us have been raised in a culture where busyness has been a badge of honor. And therefore, we have measured success and defined success and achievement based on busyness and based on hustle. And I am here to help you see that there is a different way because we know that that hustle and that busyness and that constant climbing isn't going to serve us for the long term. Can it help us reach goals and get those promotions and do those things? Sure. And we might feel accomplished in the moment. But again, if we're constantly checking boxes, it's not going to lead to long-term fulfillment. We've got to be able to connect to something deeper. Now, I want to start by just bringing to light that this conditioning starts so early. I mean, think all the way back to grade school, right? We were told aim for the A's and B's. And in fact, just go for the A's and then the A pluses. Right? It's about making the team. It's about getting into the college. It's about finding the perfect job. It's about finding your partner and having kids. And it's checking these boxes, doing more, working towards more, and putting our head downs often and hustling and grinding. And oftentimes we are stuck in these cycles, in part because of our conditioning, and also because we're we're in an age of comparison. I mean, in this digital age with social media, how many times? And I'm guilty of it, where you've gone onto Instagram and you've scrolled and you've seen whether it be an influencer or whether it be a friend, and you take a glimpse of their life and you immediately compare it to your own and you feel bad in some way. Maybe your house isn't as clean, maybe your kids not made the top team as theirs had. Maybe somebody shared their job promotion and it was something that you really wanted to do. These comparisons can hurt us. And here's the cool thing, though, is that you have the choice and power to actually redefine and choose what your own success looks like. As high-achieving moms and women, we are especially prone to this, though, as we have oftentimes since motherhood, and again, I can speak to my own experience, we've learned to measure ourselves by how much we do for everyone else. I mean, think about it. The day that you become a mom, all right, you have a small human life in your hands that you are responsible for not only keeping safe, but also allowing them to thrive. And so our success, we then sometimes start to measure based on what our kids are doing and what activity they're involved in and the friends that they're having. But what if success wasn't about doing more or being more or climbing the ranks? What if it wasn't about measuring up to something either that is unattainable? Again, some of these standards, these concepts of perfectionism, again, this culture of go, go, go, hustle, hustle, hustle, work harder. But what if we started measuring by something else? One of my all-time favorite personal development books, I was exposed to it, oh gosh, probably eight or 10 years ago at this point, and I've read it multiple, multiple times, is a book called The Gap in the Gain. And it's by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy. And this book for me, when I first saw it and read it, completely flipped my perception as to how I can actually measure success. It completely shifted my perspective. This was not a way that I had really thought about measuring achievement and acknowledging progress and seeing how quote unquote good I was doing. Here's just a brief kind of overview of this book. So, as I've stated, so many of us, we have been told and we have fallen into the practice of setting a really high goal. Okay, so if you could see me visually right now, my hand is above my head and I'm setting a high goal. And all of us, no matter what goal we're setting, whether it is professional or whether it is something personal or health related, it's up there. It's something oftentimes lofty. It's something we want to be reaching towards, but we have a starting point. And as we start to take action towards that goal, we oftentimes are still so focused on the goal and hitting the goal that we fail to recognize any progress that we've made. We get stuck in what these two authors call the gap. It's measuring ourselves against the ideal or against this high goal, and we are really focusing on what's still missing. I think back to again my time in the fitness industry. And when women came to me after having kiddos and wanting to lose weight, they'd often say, Okay, I want to lose 15 pounds by the end of these eight weeks. All right. And as they'd lose two pounds, five pounds, six pounds, they'd still say, but I'm still not at my goal yet. And the focus was constantly on hitting that high standard. And again, we oftentimes then get into the trap of beating ourselves up because we're not there yet. Versus if we learn to measure. So another relatable example is one where we've all at some point in our lives probably sent some type of resolution or goal that I want to work out more. And so you set a smart goal and you define it as I want to work out five times a week. And you don't hit it. Instead, you're showing up two times a week. And again, our brain goes to, oh my goodness, Megan, you didn't do it again. I can't believe this. You're constantly failing, versus shifting the perspective to, well, what did you gain? Not only did you go from zero to two workouts a week, you're showing up with more awareness and more intention. And that is the gain. So the whole concept of the book, The Gap and the Gain, is really about redefining how we view success. And let me just tell you, my friend, this is a game changer. It can be and it will be a game changer for you. It's been for me, it is part of this concept, it is built into the Rockstar framework and practices. This whole concept of praise, all right, of celebrating your wins, of identifying progress, of acknowledging growth, of recognizing what you're proud of for the week. This is shifting our awareness. And before I share with you a very simple exercise so you can actually start to shift this perspective and think about how you want to personally define success, I want to share with you a quick client story. So Michelle came to me and she's a mom of three, a small business owner, and was really feeling overwhelmed, not feeling fully fulfilled, was really lacking energy, and really wanted to learn how to get out of this cycle of constant exhaustion and constant kind of hustle and go, go, go. She spent a lot of time kind of appeasing others, didn't know how to set boundaries, and really wanted to get into a space where her own health and wellness were a top priority. And so as we laid out the foundation of our work together and she took time to identify her priorities, and we took a real deep dive at her values, which then led into the creation of her personal manifesto. She identified in those values about, I don't know, five to seven that really stood out to her. And oftentimes when I ask clients to go through and take a look at these values exercises, it's not just about like how you're currently showing up, but it's like, who do you want to be? And how do you want to be known? And who are you looking to become? And so a handful of values came up for her: efficiency, belonging, growth, wellness, integrity, being the best. And there were a couple more in there. And she felt really good as kind of we started with those because it was again bringing to light who she was as well as some things that she was looking to kind of aspire to be more of. Now, as we got a little bit farther in her work and her own journey continued, and she got to know herself best. And we started, as I say, unraveling some of the layers. All right, she actually recognized and she said, you know what, Megan? Nope. Efficiency is kind of BS. I do not want to live by that anymore. That is what I've been taught to do. It's what I saw my parents doing. It was this whole hustle culture and this work harder and don't care for yourself and don't take breaks. And it was so ingrained into her that she actually thought that that was really of importance. But again, with a little bit more digging, with a little bit more self-reflection, with a little bit more really getting clear on what it is she did want, this value, this measure of success, of efficiency, if you will, being able to do things and do them well and do them quick, no longer served her. And that's what's really cool about this as you start to define success, is your definition of success can change over time. But it is acknowledging, I think, first and foremost, as I've already shared, that for so many of us, the culture that we have been raised in, our personal upbringings, the pressure that we have learned to put on ourselves is not how many of us want to be living our life, is not how we want to be reflecting back to say, was I successful today? It doesn't actually matter about checking the boxes or not, because let's be true. Like, how many times have you actually checked all of those boxes? Well, has anybody ever cleared their their to-do list? Probably not fully ever, right? It's it's a never-ending thing. That's the thing. It's it's deceiving, is the to-do list and the promotions and the heightening goals. Like we can keep setting them over and over and over and over and over again. But if we are measuring success by completion, by hitting the standard, by getting the quote unquote result, we're gonna keep chasing it, my friend. So it really is thinking about what does progress look like to you? If you want to truly change, if you want to get out of cycles of stuck and cycles of overwhelm, uh you must redefine what you think success is. And here's the thing what I feel is success for me is not gonna necessarily be the same for you. And similar to the case that I shared with Michelle, it could be that one thing in this season of life is how you measure yourself. But even just a couple weeks later, months later, years later, something different holds most important. The cool thing is you have the power to redefine it. This is within you. But it starts with really getting clear on what is most important to you and how do you want to lead? How do you want to show up? Can you do this? Yes, 100%. We are malleable. Again, our brains are so cool, our bodies, our whole beings are so cool, is that we have the power to shift our belief system. So even if you've been stuck in cycles of work harder, of productivity, of check the box, of please others, you can break these cycles. I've done it and I've seen others, so many others do it time and again. It's a friendly reminder, my friend, that as women, we are disruptors and we have to be disruptors. And when we choose to really redefine our own success and what drives us, we are going against the system. And one, that's really uncomfortable because any type of change is uncomfortable. And two, because it's against the norm. Again, so many of us just fall into these patterns. So know that it is not just you. Again, if you were like me, you were growing up striving for A's on the report card, making the team. I even think back to an example from earlier in my life where it was like, I felt like I had to invite certain people to a birthday party because that would be success, if it is if I had this correct group, if you will. When we are making these decisions that are not in tune and align with ourselves, it makes us disconnected from ourselves. And again, we've been told time and again to just keep the peace, keep doing status quo. And that's why I'm here, my friend. So to help you live a rock star life, to step outside that norm a little bit and to really dig deep and figure out what it is that you want. So as we redefine success, and I'm going to share this tool in a second, it really is about a perspective shift. Again, moving from this gap thinking of keep climb, keep climbing, set the bar again, keep climbing, set the bar again, keep achieving, push harder, work harder to what's the gain? What's the progress? And what is most important to you? And it does become a lifestyle shift. It really is adopting this growth mindset. All right. Again, it's stepping away from a fixed mindset that just because this is the way I've been doing it forever is the way that it needs to be. Uh-uh. You wouldn't be listening to this podcast probably if that's how you felt. Again, so I invite you to lean in. So there's an exercise in the book as the authors share a story. Dean Jackson was one of their clients, and he's a marketing expert and entrepreneur. And it shares in there that years ago, Dean had an aha moment about this inherent problem of quote, seeking success. Specifically, he concluded that using the phrase, I'll be successful when led people to chasing the wrong forms of success and never actually moving towards or getting the life that you wanted. So instead, he asked himself, again, he said, I'll be successful when, small change of words here. And again, words and stories create a reality, to I know I'm being successful when. And then he came up with a list of 10 items. So I want to share just a couple of those. I know I'm being successful when I can wake up every day and ask, what would I like to do today? How does that feel? I mean, so cool, right? What if you woke up every day today and said, What is it that I actually want? This is what I stand for, my friends. I know I'm being successful when I'm working on project that projects that excite me and allow me to do my best work. Heck yes. How many times have we worked on things just because we thought we should, or because it's what was put in front of us, or because somebody asked us to and we were too fearful to say no? I know I'm being successful when there are no whiny people in my life. You've heard me say it before, you're gonna hear me say it again. The people we surround ourselves with are so important. This is within care control. You can define some of your success by who you spend your time with. I know I'm being successful when I wear my watch for curiosity only. Or, oh, this one is relatable. I've had many conversations with clients over the years about the power of how can we show up more confidently. And sometimes it comes down to our style and what we wear is I know I'm being successful when I wear whatever I want all the time. So again, these were examples from within the book, The Gap in the Game. But I also want to share a couple examples that came out when I had some of my group coaching clients kind of dig a little bit on this. I know I'm being successful when I take time to pause. Think about that. That's so simple yet so profound. Yet how often do we just find ourselves in hustle mode in autopilot? I know I'm being successful when I'm easily able to name three wins at the end of the day. I'm remembering the client who actually said this. And again, she was moving, she's made such great progress, but she was moving out of a space of like really constantly beating herself up, self-sabotaging, continuously people pleasing, really had trouble with boundaries. And so this is one of the ways that she wanted to measure success. When by the end of the day, I can easily identify the wins. And again, the wins, this concept of praise, this concept of gain, a big piece of what I believe in and is ingrained into the Rockstar framework, is yes, we have to acknowledge what we're proud of, where we've seen progress, what's lighting us up. I know I'm being successful when I listen to my intuition, when I slow down and truly tune inward. Again, these are examples from my clients. When I let go of things that do not serve me. Ooh, I'll be going into this more in detail, I'm sure, in later episodes, but there is so much power in release and letting go. And that is a big part of change. I'm thinking about another client and specifically Jen. And when we, when she started to get really, really clear at the beginning of our work together on what it is she truly wanted and what values she wanted to live and lead her life by, the one that came up for her was peace. And this ended up being such like a magnet and such a guiding light for her that her question, and again, this loops back to how she is now measuring success and progress, is the question that she now leads every single day and asks herself is will this bring me peace? So I share that, my friend, in that when you get to know yourself best and what it is you truly desire, use that to define success. Just because somebody told you that earning X amount of money or having X job or having so many kids or this type of car was the view of success, you right now can change this. I'm gonna be a little vulnerable and share one of mine when I've been through this exercise. I said, I know I'm being successful when I don't let fear guide me and I lead with love. I think of this specifically to both my business as well as relationships. In my business, if I'm gonna put out a new product or offering, again, my brain, naturally wanting to protect me, gets fearful. What if nobody wants this? What if nobody likes this? What if nobody, what if nobody listens to the podcast or thinks that it's stupid or whatever it might be? And rather lead from love. I know I'm being successful when I don't let fear guide me when I lead with love, when I'm surrounded by people who light me up. I know I'm being successful when I don't let guilt guide me. Can you relate to that one? As you start to identify what can guide you, what you can lead with, what your own personal definition of success is, then it is about stepping into the practice of it. First, we've got to call it out and put that measuring stick out there. But again, I hope that you find some inspiration today and ask yourself that question of do a journaling exercise. The sentence starter again is I know I'm being successful when, dot, dot, dot. And just brain dump, let it come out. What do you want to define success with? Notice if anything that you're writing down is old patterning in old ways. If your natural instinct is, I know I'm successful when, check the boxes and I get the dishes done every single day ahead of everything else. All right, really question it and ask yourself, is that truly how you want to define success and what it is that you want? I also want to remind you that your definition of success will change as you change. You heard that in the example I shared with my client, Michelle. Depending on the season of life that you are in is gonna maybe depend on what, again, quote, success looks like. I almost want to replace in there success with like happiness, right? What is it that's gonna allow you to feel your best day to day? Now, while it's really important to have a really clear sense, again, of your greater vision, your greater purpose, your your North Star, the magnet that you're drawing towards, those bigger goals, I do want you to know that this definition of success can change, again, not only in seasons of life, but it might change week to week. It might even change day to day. This then becomes a practice of really reflection and checking in with self. For example, I had I was speaking to a client earlier today, and her kids were home from school for some holiday. And she said, you know what, today, like her measure of success is maybe how patient she is able to be with her kids. Will work be there? Sure. Will laundry be there? But she is gonna measure her day, and this again puts the focus and intention there by could she show up patient and present for her kids? And by naming your new definition of success and really thinking about what it looks like for you, and there could be more than one thing that you identify with, right? There could be multiple kinds of statements, is it then provides intention. And when you have that intention, when again, you have that thing out in the front, when you've called it out and named it, you are more likely to take action towards it. We here, my friend, are shifting to see progress as success, not just the result. Again, this whole journey that we're on, it truly is a journey. It is about making small shifts over time. Never are we going to get to the end, I'm sorry to admit this to you, of our personal development and wellness journey because this is lifelong. I'm here for it, and I know you're here for it as well. At the end of the day, I really want you to think about this whole definition of success in that I want you to feel so aligned and gain clarity on what it is you want and who you are wanting to become, and somehow use that as a measure for your definition of success. And my friend, you are the only one who can decide that. I'm here to hopefully provide some inspiration, some shift of perspective, some ideas as to how to get there, such as that exercise. I know that I'm being successful when dot dot dot little journaling exercise, but it's up to you. And I truly believe in you. I believe that you have the power within you to start to make these shifts and changes. And so I invite you to start by thinking about how do you define success? All right, my friends, that's it for today. Thank you so much again for being here. And I can't wait to see you next week. I'm gonna be bringing in an interview with one of my first guest expert speakers, and I cannot wait to share it with you. In the meantime, take care of yourself, and I'm cheering you on always. As we kick off this amazing community together, as a special thank you for leaving a review, you can be entered to win a half-day VIP day with yours truly, a thousand dollar value where together you will leave feeling really clear on what it is you actually want in this season of life. Explore what's holding you back, and create your own personalized next steps. After leaving your five-star review between now and October 27th, just email my team at hello at MegancaldwellPX.com with a screenshot of your review and the subject line VIP Day for a chance to win this amazing gift. Thanks again for joining me today. And remember, it's time to take back your power, step into your truest self, and live your most fun, rock star-filled life. Cheering you on always. See you soon.