The ROCKSTAR Mom

Creating a Gratitude Practice That Is "Worth It"

• Megan Caldwell

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In this episode we explore how to move beyond a checklist and build a gratitude practice that actually changes how we feel, think, and act. 

We dig into the science, the art of receiving praise, and a simple routines that can help build confidence and support regulation.

We uncover:

• The difference between thankful and embodied gratitude 
• WHY gratitude works -  how it reshapes the brain and supports regulation 
• Expressing versus receiving appreciation and why both matter 
• Four elements of an effective gratitude practice
• Megan favorite three-part night routine: gratitude, wins, next-day wins 

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Please share your insights on social media and tag me at @megancaldwellpdx so we can connect and inspire other rock stars to live their best lives too!


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SPEAKER_00:

You are listening to the Rockstar Mom, a podcast for high achievers who are ready to get off of autopilot and live a life with more intention, peace of mind, and happiness. This is a space to expand, dig deep, get clear, and take action towards living your most authentic, aligned life. I'm Megan Caldwell. As a mom of three, two-time burnout survivor, and empowerment coach and speaker, I've cracked the code on what it actually takes to thrive at work and home, ditch perfectionism and people pleasing, get your schedule under control, and live with more ease. So you've got more time and energy to do the things you love without the mom guilt. It's time to get out of your head and into action. Now is the time to live your most rock star life. Let's go. Hey friend, welcome back. I am so grateful to be here with you today, and I'm so grateful that you have chosen to take the time to be here with me. And that is what today's episode is all about. This concept of gratitude. At the time of recording, it is the week of Thanksgiving. And I think often around this time of year, around the week of thanks, around the holidays, we often think about and lean into gratitude. And so I just wanted to dig a little bit on this and chat a little bit about this, just a short episode today, on this whole concept of gratitude, why it is so important. Does it really work? And how we can actually make this a regular practice and some of the benefits of it. So this idea to bring you an episode on this was actually stemmed by my amazing clients in my YRL, your Rockstar Life Group Coaching Community, who I am so grateful for. They are just some of the most amazing beings who have said yes to themselves and are taking that value-aligned action towards living their freaking most rock star life. And we recently just began a 30-day gratitude challenge. And it has been just a beautiful way to come together in community to really remind ourselves of all of the good. All of the good in our lives, all of the good in the world. And we know where our focus goes, our energy flows. And so it's just been so fun, truly fun, and I think enlightening and also just inspiring for everyone in that group to share. And there is something so powerful about expressing gratitude. So I think oftentimes when we think of gratitude, we can think of it as just kind of like this, especially when it comes to a gratitude practice. Just a like, okay, let me check off the box. I named my three things I'm grateful for. The key here, though, is that it can be and should be more than that. Dr. Mark Hyman stated that gratitude actually reshapes your brain, it enhances your brain regions linked to self-control and emotional regulation, helping you bound back from stress and adversity. Feeling grateful literally changes how your brain responds to life. That's why this practice can be so powerful. So powerful. And it doesn't have to be hard. It doesn't necessarily have to be a journaling exercise or this big long thing or recording a podcast on gratitude, right? It can be just learning to put this simple practice into place throughout your day. I like to get kind of really nerdy when it comes to stuff like this because I think oftentimes, you know, we think of things like gratitude or self-compassion or other things, energy just as kind of woo. I recently was listening to a podcast put on by the Huberman Lab, and they really broke it down nitty-gritty into the science of it. So if you want to go check out like the detailed, detailed deep dive of science in terms of gratitude, they've got a great podcast episode on that. But basically, I got a couple points from that. One, it was just the reminder that, you know, gratitude really does help us feel calmer, can help us feel more focused, can help us feel more connected because it triggers certain things in our body, such as noreprinephrine, dopamine, oxytocin, are released when we engage in gratitude. And it's about both expressing gratitude, right? So that might be journaling your couple things or sharing with your mother-in-law how grateful you are for the plant that she gifted you. And he also really broke down the power in receiving gratitude. So when you receive those messages of appreciation, of kudos, of gratitude, the ability to really let it soak in. And I think as women, again, we have been conditioned to just say, oh, not a big deal. Like, yep, just kind of had to do that, right? Like imagine just somebody really truly thanking you and expressing appreciation for whatever it is. Maybe you brought them a meal when they were sick, maybe you helped pick up their kid from soccer practice, is being more intentional with how do you receive gratitude from others, but also from ourselves. I think also it's important to kind of just make this distinction between just being thankful and being grateful. And I got this concept from one of Mel Robin's episodes is that, you know, just thankful tends to be a very transactional, automatic response, right? Like somebody drops your kid off from soccer practice because they helped with the carpool that day. Thanks so much. You know, we are really conditioned to no matter what happens, we say thank you. We say please and thank you, right? It's how many times was it drilled in as a child, and how many times are we reminding our kids about the importance of saying thanks? But think about it differently. What if you are truly appreciative and can take it to that next level where you can actually feel the feeling of gratitude? Again, it's those good, warm and fuzzy kind of feelings in your body, not just a like, hey, thanks, but what does it look like to deeply and more genuine genuinely express those things? And that's kind of the difference between thankful, being thankful and being grateful is when we deep when we dive into those deeper levels of gratitude, it is more of a genuine place. Like truly, you are acknowledging the things that that really, really light you up, that support you, that you feel such a deep sense of appreciation for. And sometimes we can feel these, again, it's not just that automatic response of thank you because somebody dropped your kids off, but it can happen maybe unexpectedly, right? And so I invite you to just kind of be observant and keep your eyes open for when can you experience and receive gratitude in times that are not expected? Okay. And again, I this is 100% a practice because as women, it is hard to accept compliments. Part of that is because of our internal self-talk, our belief systems that we are a lot of the time putting ourselves down again, some because of our conditioning, some because of the way that our brains are wired for fear and for safety. But one practice that I've loved, I got this from a coach years and years ago, is when people do express gratitude to you, to you, so you can receive it, is creating what I like to call a kudos folder. And so this is, you know, anytime that I have a friend, a client, a colleague share something positive or something that they appreciate about the work that I do or who I am as a human, I pop it in a special folder in my email inbox. And it then becomes this bank of a way that I can then go in and re-feel some of that gratitude. Because again, that is even more powerful than the act of expressing gratitude. So just kind of one idea for that. I think another way that we can truly receive gratitude if it's not from others and externally from ourselves is that power of journaling and getting some of those things out of our head and onto paper. And then again, receiving it would be reading it back again to be reminded of like, oh yes, that did feel so good. You know, in one of Mel Robin's um podcasts on gratitude, she actually talks about like how can we actually like get the most benefit out of this? Again, versus it being just another thing on our to-do list to check off the box to say I did my gratitude practice today, is she she notes four things that can really help you shift. So again, the goal is to not just do the thing, but is to get into that deeper space of feeling. That's where the energy shifts and that's where this can really truly transform our lives. And she names these four things. One is it needs to be specific. So for example, not just naming like, I'm grateful for my mother-in-law, say, but I'm so grateful for my mother-in-law because she, you know, takes the time to really choose gifts that she knows that I'm gonna enjoy. It's very specific. It's not just I'm grateful for my gifts or I'm grateful for my mother-in-law. It's it's a very specific incident. The more specific you can get, the more that it's gonna, we're gonna be able to deeply feel it. The second, which kind of ties into that, is is as you think through gratitude, is making it deeply personal. Like it is a deeply personal thing. And so, how do you feel connected to those things that truly, again, like make you light up on the inside or give you that warm, fuzzy feeling? What the way that that happens for me is going to differ from you. And so being observant of that. Um, another big piece I think we often miss, especially for those of us that engage in in gratitude practices, is we'll just write down like the three things we're grateful for. But if we can connect it to the deeper why as to why it's meaningful. So, for example, if I use this this example of my mother-in-law gifting me a plant, which is actually truth, it's meaningful to me because she knows that that is something that I truly love. I truly love my house plants. Sometimes I have trouble keeping them alive, but it means that she's put in the thought. And to me, that is kind of the deeper why it creates this deeper sense of connection. And the fourth thing that that Mel says in her episode is it's not just in passing, right? It's not just again checking the boxes to say, okay, I'm so grateful for, but it's true deeper gratitude is that feeling that lingers. So every time I see that plant, I feel that sense of appreciation again. As I've shared so far, I think there's such power in starting this however you can, but then also really going deeper into the levels as to how you can truly get into those feelings. We know that our thoughts are gonna influence our feelings, our feelings are gonna influence our actions. And again, if we can truly feel into those spaces of deeper appreciation and gratitude, it's gonna shift how we show up. One of my favorite authors, Corey Allen, I follow him on Instagram, you should too. Some amazing quotes from his books. Gratitude grounds us. Focusing on good shifts your perspective, shifts your energy. That's what I was just talking about, keeps you from overthinking the gifts that are easy to take for granted, which allow you to feel more generous, compassionate, and whole. I think oftentimes we get so caught up in the hustle and the busyness of the day-to-day that again, this is a practice of pause is to really tune into what are the things that maybe we don't think about on a daily basis that if we can be thankful and grateful for, it allows us again that that feel-good feeling. Something as simple as how often do you think, like, wow, I'm so grateful that I was able to get out of bed this morning? Some people aren't mobile. All right. One of my favorite gratitude practices, I've done this on and off for time for for for quite some time rather. It comes from one of my favorite books. You've probably heard me reference before, The Gap and the Gain by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy. And they're talking about this whole, you know, kind of nighttime before bed gratitude practice. And they share some research in their book that that shows that writing down three things you are grateful for each day increases your happiness. And they also have linked research to, you know, doing some type of gratitude practice before bed makes you feel better. We've talked a little bit about that feeling so far, and also sleep better. And so one of these practices I literally pulled straight from their book, I think it's chapter five or something, is that you note, and this again takes it a little bit deeper. It's not just jotting down the one thing, which I think can also be powerful and a great start, is you start by writing down three things that you are grateful for from that day. So again, it it forces you to take the time to slow down to reflect back on the day. Bonus points, if you say, as to why. I full transparency usually just write down my three things because it's end of the day and I'm getting ready for bed. You then jot down three wins for the day. And this whole concept of celebrating wins and praise, it is one of the practices as part of the Rockstar framework that I teach and coach on. And there's so much power behind this. So, again, things you are truly grateful for wins are the small successes, the progress that you've made, the next steps that you've taken, maybe the obstacles you've overcome. And then the third part here that I love so much is you actually outline and write down what are the three wins that you're gonna have the next day. Yep, that's right. We are forward thinking, we are envisioning. This can boost your confidence. It gives you purpose kind of for the next day. And again, keeps us in that space of possibility, of measuring into the true gain and the progress versus things are hard because there are hard things in our life. One other thing they share in their book is the people that are grateful don't obsess over fairness or comparison. It really is an opportunity to tune into self. And so I just wanted to share this with you today because again, as I feel every single day so, so grateful for being able to engage in the work that I do, both with my clients here in this podcast community, in the social media community space, is just being able to create spaces for people to come together to talk about the hard, talk about the real, to go deeper, to get out of autopilot, and to really, really tune into ourselves. So again, I am so grateful that you took the time to listen to this episode today. I invite you to, if you'd like, ping me a message, send me a message on Instagram, send me an email. What's your greatest takeaway? What do you want to try? Is it expressing gratitude? Is it trying an evening practice? Is it maybe a practice of receiving gratitude? So, my friends, as we get ready to sign off today, keep taking care of you, keep practicing gratitude, and know that I am cheering you on always. Thank you so much for tuning into the Rockstar Mom podcast. If today's episode resonated with you, here's how we can keep this momentum going. First, be sure to subscribe to the show so you never miss an episode. Next, I'd be so grateful if you took a moment to leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. Your feedback helps us reach even more women who are ready to live more intentional, fun-filled lives. Lastly, please share your insights on social media and be sure to tag me at Megan Caldwell PDX so we can connect and inspire other rock stars to live their best lives too. Again, I am so glad that you are here, and I'll see you next time.