3 Steps To Help You Find More Balance as a Working Mom

Balance is the word we chase that keeps making us feel like we’re failing. If you’ve ever been at work thinking you should be with your kids, then with your kids thinking about your inbox, your house, or your to-do list, you’re not alone. We all feel that way sometimes, my friend.

In this week's episode, I'm sharing what finally shifted things for me as a mom of three and a two-time burnout survivor. (Hint: the real issue usually isn’t time management, it’s misalignment.)

We dig into why “having it all” turns into overwhelm, exhaustion, and that invisible mental load you carry all day. When you’re operating on autopilot or living by someone else’s standards, everything feels urgent and you can’t be fully present anywhere. So we redefine the goal. 

Instead of chasing 'perfect balance', we aim for harmony, internal peace, and a life that actually reflects your priorities and personal core values.

You’ll walk away from this podcast episode with three practical steps to help you find your harmony!

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Transcript

Welcome And The Working Mom Tug

Why Balance Feels So Hard

Step One Know What You Want

Step Two Minimal Viable Action

Step Three Self-Compassion That Sticks

Recap And Take One Small Step

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You are listening to the Rockstar Mom, a podcast for high achievers who are ready to get off of autopilot and live a life with more intention, peace of mind, and happiness. This is a space to expand, dig deep, get clear, and take action towards living your most authentic, aligned life. I'm Megan Caldwell. As a mom of three, two-time burnout survivor, and empowerment coach and speaker, I've cracked the code on what it actually takes to thrive at work and home, ditch perfectionism and people pleasing, get your schedule under control, and live with more ease. So you've got more time and energy to do the things you love without the mom guilt. It's time to get out of your head and into action. Now is the time to live your most rock star life. Let's go. Have you ever had a moment where you're working and feel like you should just be with your kids, or then you're with your kids and thinking about everything you should be doing, whether that's for your work or business or whether that's around the house? If that's you, you're gonna love today's episode. I'm actually recording this on a Tuesday. Typically, I record earlier in the week, but the last five days, my dad has been in town from Connecticut. I live just outside Portland, Oregon. So he made that cross-country trip to come spend time with me and my kiddos. And we had so much fun just having good meals and going on bike rides, and we even took my oldest son fishing. And it was lovely. And I was just thinking about the progress I've made in my own personal development and wellness journey, where there were times where he'd be visiting or I'd be traveling and my brain would be completely somewhere else. So if you find yourself like this ever, all right, you're gonna, you're gonna absolutely love this. As I'm gonna be sharing with you three simple steps to help you feel more of that sense of balance, feel more of that sense of presence. Because if you're all like me or the women that I work with, or the women that come and seek me out, you love your work. You love what you do outside the home. And you also love your kids a lot. And some somehow it often feels like you're dropping the ball in both spaces. It's hard to keep anything up. It feels like you're failing all the time. And then that leads to a lot of self-sabotage and guilt. You know what I'm talking about. And I think oftentimes we're like, if I could just manage my time better, let me just be direct with you. You don't actually have a time management problem. Oftentimes it comes down to having a misalignment problem. And it's why you feel pulled in so many different directions. I actually had a coaching call with my amazing community, our YRL community, your rock star life community this morning. And one of our newest members came in and we were kind of talking a little bit about our personal values. And she's like, you know, as I'm re-looking through these values and looking at how I'm actually living my life, she's like, part of the problem is she's like, I'm not sure if I like have the wrong values or if I need to like shift to be more in tune with them, but my life does not reflect my values. And I think that that was just such a powerful unlock and aha for her. And that's where I help women with is I help you realign to the values that you want to live by. So you can step into that life that you truly, truly want and step into the version of yourself that really truly feels good. Again, it's not about time management, it's about aligning yourselves and feeling more of that sense of internal peace. And so it's not just time, it's also energy. We talk about all of these things here in the podcast. So again, with it not being this time management thing, it's it's if you at all can relate to this whole like internal, constant sense of tug of war, where again your mind is constantly pinging in different directions, where you have a hard time being present. I hope that these three things that I'm sharing with you today will allow you to start actually taking action and feeling more of that sense of alignment. And again, I think it starts with really redefining and reframing this whole concept of balance. Again, balance is bullshit. It doesn't exist. You're never gonna achieve it. So if we can kind of let that story go and really think into it, it's not about doing everything perfectly. It's about feeling in tune, feeling in harmony with how you're spending your time and energy. So today I'm gonna walk you through three simple steps to create more of this sense of quote balance without completely overhauling your life. Before we get into that though, I do want to spend just a moment talking about why this is so hard. Like, why is this so hard? Again, I work with smart, high achieving, ambitious working moms primarily. But every client I work with, you all are so smart. And we have been taught if we work harder and we put our heads down, we're gonna be able to achieve. So, why is this concept of balance it feels so hard? And I think a lot of it has to do with, again, societal expectations, which then we have internalized where we are trying to succeed in multiple full-time roles. It's a full-time job, the job that you do outside or in the house. It's a full-time job caring for your kids at home. And there's so much invisible load and mental load that we that we carry. And so I just want to call that out is we have actually been told that we can just have it all and do it all. And while I do feel that we can have it all, maybe not all at the same time, we can't necessarily do it all. And so it makes this concept of feeling balanced or feeling aligned so, so hard. And oftentimes we get into these spaces of complete overwhelm and exhaustion because we're operating without clear personal standards. We're defaulting to someone else's expectations. Again, those expectations might be the society and culture at large. They might be expectations that were placed on you from the time that you were even just a young girl in terms of what you quote, should be doing. Tend to so-and-so's needs. Oh, can you help with that? And we got praise when we did so. And these patterns have just followed us for many of us decades. The cool thing is they are patterns and we can rewire the brain and body to shift away from these into a space of more alignment. And so it actually starts with really getting clarity. So we are pushing away from everything feeling so important to really thinking about and everything feeling so urgent to really thinking about what is most important in this season of life. You'll hear me talk about that a lot. And I think for so long, so many of us have been able to just really operate in this space of autopilot and again, do more, achieve more, strive more, climb the next thing, say yes to all of the things for so long until we actually either physically burn out or maybe a major life event happens that really makes us like take a step back and recognize like, what am I actually doing? How am I actually spending my time? So, first step here to help you feel more in that sense of again, I'm gonna put in quotes as always, balance. But again, I like to use the word alignment or harmony is to know what you want. Know what you want. Again, when we can get clarity on what it is we actually want, because a lot of women sometimes come to me and they're like, I just don't even actually know what I want. I know that I don't want to be operating the way that I am. So it's starting to get curious. And this is what I really lay out and guide women through in what I call the Rockstar Mom Essentials. And this is helping you get really, really clear on what actually matters most in this season of life. What are your top priorities? And we take a look at 11 different areas of wellness. What are your personal core values? The ones that are true to you, not the core values that maybe your family pushed upon you growing up or the values associated with your business or your workspace, or even your family core values, if you've talked about those with your partner and your immediate family. It's your personal core values as a woman. And also what does your vision look like moving forward? When you are clear on what it is that you want, which again, I think starts starts with getting clear on your personal core values, you're able to start to identify what kind of mom do you want to be? What kind of woman do you want to be? What kind of professional or badass boss do you want to be? And then we get to make decisions, such as maybe it's about choosing connection over perfection or achievement. Maybe it's starting to learn how to prioritize your energy over productivity. This is the type of thing that I support women with again in our wireless community. So again, this whole concept of balance and living in alignment really starts with clarity because otherwise you're just over there juggling everybody else's priorities. And we get to take back our power to really start to tune our time and energy into the things that matter most for us. So again, step one is to know what you want and get really, really clear on your priorities, values, and vision. What we call here in our world your rock star mom essentials. Step two, this is one of my favorites, one of the most imperative, and I think where oftentimes a lot of people get stuck is we ruminate, we think about things over and over again. Anyone else out there who can relate to that where it's like, I know what I should be doing, and then we almost like talk ourselves out of it or we put up so many raw roadblocks. Step two is to take minimal viable action. I call this your MVA, minimal viable action, where basically this is helping you like create a bridge. When we have clarity without action, we just have frustration. That action actually helps build even more clarity, build confidence, show us that we can be taking steps forward towards living a life that we love. So again, your MVA, your minimal viable action is really the smallest step that moves the dial forward. I think oftentimes when we get into these spaces of stuck, we're like, just tell me what to do. Let me overhaul all the things. I'm gonna join the gym and I'm gonna try this too new time management app and I'm gonna hire this person. And these big overhauls actually typically backfire because they're not built to have you grow and evolve with them. So when real life happens again, we tend to fall off of that. Rather, it's thinking about what is most doable in this season and what's gonna push me into that space of being slightly uncomfortable. Because oftentimes when we when we think about taking action, it is us putting up our own roadblocks. We create our own resistance because it is uncomfortable. Change, any type of change for us as humans, our brain is literally telling us that's not safe. Get yourself back to safety. And safety is the known. So safety for you might be again, living in a hustle culture in that super fast mode, do all the things, please others. And it can be hard to slow down. It can be hard because it's uncomfortable. So oftentimes we have to wade through that discomfort in order to actually start seeing and feeling the change. So here's a couple kind of like small ideas for you in terms of what some of these MVAs could look like. Again, a lot of it is based on what do you want and where do you want to focus your energy? But it could look like maybe just logging off work 15 minutes earlier each day, giving yourself a little bit of buffer between logging off of work and needing to get your kid out from daycare. It could be really getting intentional about all about one small daily moment that you want to prioritize and be intentional about being fully present. So, for example, I'd say 99% of women I speak with are like, I just want to feel fully present. Kind of like I shared with you in the opening, where it's like, when you're at work, you want to be present at work. When you're at home, you want to be present with your family. Is maybe your focus for today is just at bedtime. At bedtime, I'm leaving my phone in another space. So when I go in with my child, there's not distractions. I can work to be as in tune with them as I possibly can. Another idea is maybe blocking just one hour each week, non-negotiable time for you to do something that you enjoy. Just one week. That's like such a small percentage of all of the time. Yet for so many women, that's hard to do. So maybe if it's not an hour, start with 20 minutes. Can you take 20 minutes in this coming week to maybe go on a walk or read a book or go sit at a coffee shop just by yourself? You can do this. And again, I just want to re-emphasize and really normalize the resistance that might come because this is different than how you've been operating. This is where your brain is going to push back. But I invite you to just tune into your deeper inner sense of knowing to know you can make change. It is possible. I'm here cheering you on from a from afar. Yeah, so as we kind of wrap up this MVA piece here, it's really when we are thinking about balance and alignment, it's it's not oftentimes these big overhaul changes. It's really built in these small, repeated decisions. And I know firsthand from my own experience and my journey, as well as now supporting a community of women, when we have some type of accountability or when we surround ourselves with people who are also working towards these types of things, it makes it easier because we see that we're not alone. All right, this third step is really, really key and can be challenging. And I invite you to lean in. It is uh giving yourself self-compassion, really leaning into that space of acceptance, really giving yourself a little bit of grace. When we do this, we can release responsibility that we have often placed on ourselves for keeping everybody else happy, for creating the peace, for being the one who has to get the project done a perfect way. When we give ourselves self-compassion, we are in sense reminding ourselves, my friend, like me, you are human. Okay, we can allow ourselves to feel the feels, to make mistakes. And this whole concept of self-compassion, I have a prior episode on this as well, is this really the glue. Without self-compassion, these first two steps of getting really clear on what you want and and getting into action, it makes it hard for them to stick. Because again, the reality of life is again, as recovering perfectionists, we want to come up with the perfect plan and the perfect ways of doing things. But it the reality is life will continue to life you. You will continue to feel pulled and stretched and even come up with this fact that you are imperfect. Okay, beautifully imperfect. And so when it comes to self-compassion, the simplest thing is to talk to yourself as if you would talk to your child or a close girlfriend. How can you speak to yourself with a little bit more self-compassion and kindness? And I just want to remind you, you can be a deeply devoted, loving mom and a fully expressed woman. And sometimes that might disappoint others, and that's okay, but give yourself compassion for tuning into your own needs, releasing the responsibility that we feel to others to keep everybody else safe and happy, and turn some of that attention towards yourself because you deserve it. You deserve it. So, as a quick recap, three kind of simple steps. I wouldn't necessarily necessarily say that they are easy because it does take practice. But simple steps that can help you get more of that sense of internal peace, balance, alignment is one, first start by getting really, really clear on what matters most. Two, you got to get into action. Take that small next step, whatever it might be. Maybe right now it's just taking five minutes after this podcast episode to just journal what came up for you? What felt a little bit. How do you want to take the next action? What ideas can you come up with? And then three, support yourself instead of criticizing yourself. Lean into self-compassion and kindness. So, my friend, as you tuned in today, hoping to get those three steps to get you towards balance, I'm gonna remind you that balance, bullshit, doesn't exist. And that sense of balance, the feeling of balance is one of alignment, is one of harmony, is one of internal peace. And it isn't something that you just find or wait for. It's something that you create one decision at a time. So my invitation to you is pick one MVA, one minimal viable action today, and try it out. If you are at a loss, what I'll invite you to do is actually sign up for a fun free event that we've got coming up here real shortly at the time of this recording, which is the Rockstar Mom Summit season three. And that comes out very, very soon, where I've brought together an amazing panel of experts, speakers, doctors, authors, you name it, who offer alternate perspectives as to how to get you into action because that is the main focus of that event. And I'd love for you to come join us. The link for that is in show notes, or you can visit Megan Caldwell PDX slash dot com slash summit. And I hope to see you there or see you next time here on the Rockstar Mom podcast. Make it a great day, my friend. I am cheering you on always. Thank you so much for tuning into the Rockstar Mom Podcast. If today's episode resonated with you, here's how we can keep this momentum going. First, be sure to subscribe to the show so you never miss an episode. Next, I'd be so grateful if you took a moment to leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. Your feedback helps us reach even more women who are ready to live more intentional, fun-filled lives. Lastly, please share your insights on social media and be sure to tag me at Megan Caldwell PDX so we can connect and inspire other rock stars to live their best lives too. Again, I am so glad that you are here, and I'll see you next time.