ADHD in Women: How Neurodivergent Women Can Thrive Not Just Survive with Peyton Gemmell

What does ADHD actually look like in women and why are so many high functioning, successful women just now getting diagnosed?

In this episode, I sit down with Peyton Gemmell, founder of Lightminded, to talk about ADHD in women, late diagnoses, and what it really takes to thrive as a neurodivergent woman in a neurotypical world.

We break down the subtle ways ADHD shows up differently in women, especially moms and high achieving professionals who have learned to mask, overcompensate, and push through. Peyton shares how chronic overwhelm, burnout, emotional dysregulation, and feeling “behind” are often misunderstood signs of ADHD, not personal failure.

We also talk about:
How ADHD presents differently in women versus men
The link between ADHD, anxiety, and burnout
Why so many women are diagnosed later in life
Practical strategies for emotional regulation and executive functioning
How to move from survival mode to actually thriving
What neurotypical moms and women need to understand about ADHD

Whether you are a woman with ADHD, wondering if you might be, or a parent trying to better understand your child or yourself, this episode will help you feel seen and give you real, usable tools.

Peyton brings a compassionate, real world perspective that helps women stop blaming themselves and start building lives that actually work for their brains.

Connect with Peyton Gemmell:
Lightminded: https://www.lightmindedot.com/

Instagram: https://instagram.com/lightminded.ot

Connect with Dr. Melanie McCabe:
Website: https://www.rdutherapy.com

Website: https://www.drmelaniemccabe.com

Instagram: @drmelaniemccabe

If this episode resonated, share it with a friend, save it for later, and leave a review to help more women understand ADHD and mental health.

9/30/25

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:54

Today we're talking about something that I think is going to land for a lot of you. Whether this applies directly to you or someone you love, I'm joined by Peyton Gimmel, founder of Light Minded, where she supports women and young adults in better understanding how their brains work so they can move through life with more clarity, confidence, and self-trust. A big part of Peyton's work focuses on women with ADHD, especially those who have spent years feeling like something is harder for them than it should be, even if everything looks fine on the outside. We are going to talk about what ADHD actually looks like in women, why so many go unseen or misunderstood, and what it really takes to move from just surviving day to day to actually thriving. And if you do not have ADHD, this still matters because you probably love somebody and know somebody with ADHD. Because many of you are raising daughters, supporting friends, or trying to understand behaviors that do not always make sense on the surface. Peyton, I am really glad you're here.

SPEAKER_00 1:52

I'm so excited to be here. This is my favorite thing to talk about.

SPEAKER_01 1:56

Awesome. Well, let's start in, let's just jump right in with that. I always like to know the story behind the work. What led you to focus specifically on ADHD in women?

SPEAKER_00 2:07

Sure. So here I am, an occupational therapy student, going about my business, learning about this career path that I love so dearly. And parallel to that, I have been diagnosed with ADHD since I was in fourth grade. So these two things are running beside one another. I'm a student learning about occupational therapy. I'm a young adult learning how to do the things, do my laundry, cook meals, schedule my day. And once I realized what OT is, I was like, oh my goodness, I need an OT. Went to try to find one for myself and couldn't. So then sparked this research journey and sort of side quest all throughout grad school of women with ADHD need occupational therapy. And so I started light-minded OT and got to be a part of really cool work while I was in grad school. So that's how I got here.

SPEAKER_01 3:08

That is such a great story. I love that it hits home for you and it's really your lived experience. And I find that so many people in the helping profession really are pulled towards what they know well. And so who better to learn from than an expert who's walked the walk and can talk the talk? When did you notice that, not just for yourself, but this is something that was missing in our local community?

SPEAKER_00 3:32

I noticed it when I figured out that other young adults weren't struggling with the same things I was struggling with. And once I realized that there was such a clear connection between occupational therapy and the doing of daily life and the lived experience with ADHD, learned about the unique presentation in women and saw this just like glaring gap in services. So sometime during my lived experience as grow as I grew up, but really defining that gap as occupational therapy happened during grad school.

SPEAKER_01 4:03

Awesome. We may have some listeners joining us today who have no freaking idea what OT is. What the heck is it?

SPEAKER_00 4:12

Yeah. Simply put, occupational therapy helps people to do the things that they want or need to do, but can't do for whatever reason. You might have heard of it sort of in the hospital after someone has a brain injury or a stroke or an orthopedic injury. They would help you brush your teeth again, shower, eat all of these daily activities that are key to being human and being who you are. For pediatrics, you hear about it in a sensory gym, and kids are working on being able to play and participate in school and participate with their peers, eat a range of foods. All these are things OTs can support. And so in my work, we're working on the same underlying theme: daily activities, things you want and need to do. So things like laundry, parenting, staying regulated while parenting, scheduling that comes with parenting and being an adult and managing your work and managing your home and pet care and all the things. We know ADHD does not just show up in one place of life. And so anywhere it touches, we work on supporting. So systems, skills, environmental changes, regulation work. It's like this nice blend of holistic care. And that's why I love it.

SPEAKER_01 5:33

Awesome. Thank you.

unknown 5:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:36

All right. Let's jump right into what the heck ADHD and women looks like. Tell me what it really looks like in women.

SPEAKER_00 5:47

Sure. This is just speaking more generally. I mean, everyone presents differently. And so it's not a catch-all, but generally speaking, women present more inattentive, whereas boys and men tend to present with more of the hyperactivity. And so that typically looks like women can be described as more like spacey, or they can be described as lazy, which really could be a whole podcast. I really dislike that because it's, you know, so much more than that. But with that inattention comes executive function difficulties, making getting started on tasks and carrying them through. Where you might think of ADHD and imagine a little boy bouncing around the classroom. And so not only is it different in adults, because people have learned how to mask and they learn how to cope. And that's why it ends up looking different in women. And many other people might not notice it, but it can be in adults and it can be in girls and women. And so if a woman has the hyperactive presentation, so it does happen, they may be described as super talkative, they may have difficulties ever feeling relaxed. Many of my clients that present like this are like rest. I have no idea what that is. I've never experienced it. Oh, I know some women like that in my life. Yes, right. And so some of this is also that impulsive spending, or these women didn't have a lot of speeding tickets or minor car accidents because of just always moving quickly and moving impulsively. So there's multiple presentations, but women definitely present differently than men. Awesome.

SPEAKER_01 7:25

I want to go back to the inattention.

SPEAKER_00 7:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:30

Often people say inattention and think that's just somebody sitting there and not necessarily checked in to the outside environment or the inside environment. Do you find that to be true? Or is there also like some attending to the inside environment? Can you read that question? Yeah, but it's said differently. Like sometimes I hear that people are like, man, my kid is just like zoning out when they talk about the inattention, or my teen is just like staring out of the window and there's just nothing going on. And I find that there actually is a lot going on in the brain in that time. Do you find that to be true for inattention too?

SPEAKER_00 8:04

Totally. Sometimes people will they'll have the inattentive label, but when you actually start talking with them, they'll say, Yes, but my brain is hyperactive. My body might be completely still. And that's maybe when you should be the most concerned about how fast my thoughts are moving. And so totally, it doesn't always look like daydreaming internally. It might look that way on the outside, but on the inside, oftentimes it's bouncing from I gotta do this and I need to eat and I need to send this email and my bill is late and whatever else.

SPEAKER_01 8:34

Yeah. And in my work, I sometimes see that come up as, you know, a rapid-fire text that might not need it have been sent. Yes. Yeah, it's it's a thing. Why are so many women either diagnosed later in life or just not diagnosed at all? What do you think that is?

SPEAKER_00 8:51

There's reasons for this. I think the one that needs to be talked about the most is because we're inattentive instead of hyperactive, we tend to not disrupt others as much as someone with more of the hyperactivity might. And so at a young age, parents and teachers don't notice a girl struggling as easily because she's not bouncing around the classroom. She's not getting into as much trouble at school sometimes. And so it's less disruptive to others, so we're less likely to get noticed as needing an evaluation. And so that's one reason. Another is just understanding of how women present differently. I feel like only recently there's been more conversation about it, more research is actually being done. That's not just on boys and men. And so providers and other therapists are learning what to look for in women. And then there's also just some gender norms in our society that perhaps kind of lead men to a diagnosis, whereas women get kind of misdiagnosed or dismissed more easily, which again could be a whole podcast. But there's definitely layers to it. And I think something interesting is that girls are a lot less likely to be diagnosed than boys. But once you're in adulthood, the number of adult diagnoses start to even out a bit more because women are able to better advocate for themselves. And it's not perfect by any means. Women are diagnosed at a less frequent weight rate. But with the current conversations, women's diagnostic rates are increasing a lot, whereas girls are still struggling.

SPEAKER_01 10:39

Do you see that delay in getting diagnosed is something that contributes to suffering?

SPEAKER_00 10:44

Oh, yeah, there's some really frightening, quite honestly, information out there about the risks of late diagnosis. More broadly, like low self-esteem in women, difficulty with participation and risk behaviors. So alcohol is reckless driving, teens have a higher risk of unplanned pregnancy, like suicide risks are quite a bit higher in undiagnosed girls who later, you know. So the risk for suicide or self-harm is higher in women who are late diagnosed. And so there's a lot of years where people are struggling and a lot can happen in the meantime. There are also more risk for academic and workplace difficulties, relational difficulties, higher rates of divorce, all of these things that kind of stretch across the board but are especially prevalent if they are diagnosed late.

SPEAKER_01 11:45

So, folks, if you have a concern, go talk to your pediatrician. And if you need to, go speak to an expert in assessment to feel it all out and to see what's there. If anything, maybe it's a nothing. What are some signs that go overlooked in women and in children?

SPEAKER_00 12:01

Yeah, I think significant difficulty with emotional regulation is one that's quite relevant in girls, I'd say. The seeming quote unquote lazy or that they're not trying really can be their brain isn't organizing information in the same way that a neurotypical brain might. So it's harder to get started. It's harder to carry out a task, make sense of what the steps might be and make it happen. Forgetfulness is common. So leaving a homework folder at school every day, or forgetting to get their planner signed, or forgetting to tell you about a field trip they have coming up. You know, it can be a range of things, but these things can get labeled as character flaws or a child not trying when in reality it's the way their brain is made.

SPEAKER_01 12:51

Yeah. Do you see more emotional intensity out of this crew as well?

SPEAKER_00 12:57

Oh, yeah. So there's sensitivity to rejection that can be more intense. Emotions on, you know, the more happy and excited side of the spectrum tend to show up really intensely, as well as anger and sadness. And so that's something that I work on with my teens and my women that struggle with this is how do I feel regulated in my body?

SPEAKER_01 13:21

It's hard. Yeah, it definitely can be. I like to call these super sensors or or big feeling people, right? The emotion just kind of washes over them. What about the deadlines that are so hard to hit? Do you think they're like, can you tell us more about that?

SPEAKER_00 13:38

Yeah. So when I think about deadlines, it's a love-hate relationship, right? Because our ADHD brains need structure. So they need something to work towards, but really struggle often with getting there. And because the reason that is, is ADHD brains often have difficulty with what we call executive functions. So for those that aren't familiar with what an executive function is, it's those higher level, highest, it's the highest level brain functions that include organizing thoughts and systems, regulation, task initiation. So getting started on things, working memory. So that's like I'm cooking this thing, my next step is going to be this, requires you to remember the next step, execute it, put them in order. There's a lot of executive functioning that happens in daily life. And so for kids, teens, women, the whole range of lifespan with ADHD, they often struggle to meet a deadline. Because just to give you a summary, you have to know what the deadline is. You have to keep up with that in your head, or even on paper. Keep up with when it is. You have to consistently manage your time, which is another executive function. So you have to keep up with how much time do I have left. You have to know how am I going to get from point A, where I am, to point Z, this deadline. Oftentimes brains can do that. They know where they want to end up. But breaking it down into what is my next step can feel near impossible. And so that's another hurdle is figuring out what's the smallest next step. And if that is difficult to figure out, people struggle to start, struggle to move forward at all. So sequencing the steps. On top of that, it's hard to initiate boring tasks. So especially if the deadline is for something that the brain and the person doesn't find exciting or tax season. A nightmare. So it's boring. I don't want to do it. It takes a lot of work for me to get to point A to point Z. It's really easy to miss the deadline.

SPEAKER_01 15:41

Yes. Heck yes. Okay. And also there's this concept, I think, and you can you're the expert here about like time blindness where you don't have a concept of like, geez, how long is step A of A to Z gonna take me?

SPEAKER_00 15:54

Yeah. So awareness of time is all about, again, that executive functioning. And it's a mix of anattention to how much time is passing and also just awareness of what does a minute feel like? Because anyone with ADHD listening will understand me when I say sometimes five minutes feels like an eternity. Sometimes it feels like, is time even moving? And sometimes it feels like, I can't believe it's already been five minutes. Now I'm running behind. So it's difficult to know how much time is passing. And it's also difficult for us to know how much time something will take and predict it accurately.

SPEAKER_01 16:30

For parents listening. Yeah. If somebody were to want to help their kid practice this at home, what would you suggest?

SPEAKER_00 16:38

Something you can't go wrong with is buying a visual timer. They're like 15 bucks on Amazon. Works great for kids and adults. It helps them to visualize time passing. And so just encouraging if you're working with a kid or a teen, when they start a task, ask them how long do you think that this is going to take you? Odds are they will over or undershoot it, but regardless, set the timer and let them watch the time move. They'll check in on it periodically, remind them to do so if they're not. But that starts to teach their brain how long things actually take. A second use for this is if you have to be out the door in 30 minutes and you want your kid or your teen to know you got to be out the door in 30 minutes, set that timer, visual timer for 25 minutes. And that way they see the time passing. And that can help them move with urgency or slow down if that's what works.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

And give the five minutes of wiggle room so that you still have five minutes of recoup done.

SPEAKER_00 17:33

Always five minutes of wiggle room at least.

SPEAKER_01 17:35

That is also a golden nugget right there, right? Like add the five minutes and model having the five minutes because we're all gonna need it. Phenomenal. Thank you. I may or may not be buying some visual timers as soon as we're done here. I love it. I might be asking you for a link later. Thank you. Let's talk about the high functioning and struggling experience. A lot of women are listening operate at a super high level. I've met women who are, you know, in the legal system in elected positions, they are running the hospitals, they're working, parenting, doing all of the stuff. And they still feel this really intensely. It still feels difficult. What do you see in those women who have ADHD, right? The ones who've been diagnosed, and we know this is part of it.

SPEAKER_00 18:24

Right. So with an ADHD brain, when we, and I say we, I, you know, I'm part of this group, when we love something and we find it interesting, we often just like latch on to that thing. And so when someone does that and then they're able to make a career out of that thing, we tend to do well at it, we tend to succeed. And so oftentimes what I find is I have clients who are CEOs, like you said, attorneys, doctors. I myself like went through grad school behind the surface, like behind that sort of career side or creative side or whatever it is that this person really excels at, is someone often struggling to eat three times a day, struggling to participate in any leisure of any kind, or have any movement in their day, or they have a day without structure and they have this intense anxiety or boredom fluctuation that just really struggling to make sense of unstructured time in their day, or you know, it's the boring tasks, quote unquote, that can feel so overwhelming, where the tasks that other people might find really overwhelming, like running a business or being an attorney, give us excitement and novelty and make it possible. Meanwhile, the trash is piling up in the kitchen. Yes, the laundry hasn't been done in three weeks. The it's 4 p.m. And I have not once noticed that I haven't eaten, that sort of thing. Got it.

SPEAKER_01 20:03

Thank you. Why do you think so many women think this is just how life is supposed to feel?

SPEAKER_00 20:08

I think there's a mix of things here. There's the gender norms in society where you know, especially high-achieving women, moms carrying a lot. We believe this narrative that it's just part of it. You're supposed to feel totally burnt out all the time. That means you're giving it your all, or this is the hill I will die on, just so everybody knows. Yes. Everyone, like you hear it, everyone is struggling with laundry, everyone forgets to eat sometimes. Okay, maybe true, but when it's impacting your function and your nutrition, or you don't understand how paralyzing this laundry pile is, it's not like I can just do it if I want to, but I don't have time. It's not like that. And so there's a difference between busyness and executive function difficulties and exhaustion and burnout. Like there's gaps here that are typical for our very busy, very individualized hustle society. And then there's a level of my brain's really struggling to keep up with my life.

SPEAKER_01 21:17

Yeah. I also think there's this notion of like women are supposed to do these things, they're supposed to give up their joy, they're supposed to give up all these things for their kiddos and whatever else, right? You're supposed to do it all almost in society. And I love that you're invalidating that in a lot of the things that you're saying. You're like, no, like what do you do with that downtime? Love it. Awesome. What are some of the thoughts you hear most often from your clients?

SPEAKER_00 21:42

I could pick this in so many directions.

SPEAKER_01 21:44

Can you get more specific thoughts about what? Their struggles. Like what when they come to you the first time and they're like, ugh, what's the thing that they say next?

SPEAKER_00 21:54

Yeah, the thing they say next is I can't keep up with it all. I'm so over stimulated all the time, I want to cry daily. If my partner or my kid talks loudly, as kids do, or throws their toy one more time, I snap at them. Or I have missed all my work deadlines. So we talked about high achievers, but there's also this point that people hit burnout. And so they may have been high achievers their whole life, and all of a sudden they're really struggling to hit deadlines.

SPEAKER_01 22:27

Right. And so that high performer goes from being super high performer to a vast underperformer, right? They are so tapped out that they just cannot even. I see this show up not just in clients' work, also their personal lives. They went from being soccer mom of the year, PTA president, and doing all the things to not getting out of bed today.

SPEAKER_00 22:51

Yep. Yep. And some of that is. ADHD burnout, women are also more likely to have anxiety and depression running in the background. Ironically, they're also more likely to be misdiagnosed, those things. So it's hard, it's a hard puzzle to pick apart. But yeah, all of them come together with these intense burnout cycles to land people feeling really, I don't see a path where this gets better. I don't see how I can regulate myself when I don't have a lot of control over the fact that I have toddlers and I have to go to work.

SPEAKER_01 23:25

For sure. Do you feel like people come to see you later than you want them to? Oh yeah. Okay, cool. So when do you want them to come find you?

SPEAKER_00 23:34

If you're a woman with ADHD or suspected ADHD, if you're a teen, if you're a mom listening that has a daughter about to go to college, before any big transition or after a diagnosis, if you're someone struggling with the function of day-to-day, keeping up with your responsibilities and showing up how you want to, I want you to come see me because we can build skills and systems that carry over through the transition proactively rather than reactively. And so the longer that you wait, the more difficult it can be to get out of that burnout cycle and break the, for lack of better words, get past the mess that can happen in the meantime. And if you can get to me before you're about to be let go from your job, or before you've gotten yourself into a lot of debt because of impulse spending, before these big things happen that are hard to backtrack, come see me.

SPEAKER_01 24:34

Awesome. Great.

SPEAKER_00 24:35

Why do you think this matters so much for moms? For so many reasons. A lot of people, a lot of moms get diagnosed when they become moms because there's a hormonal element, which we could get into that. But being a mom requires so much executive function, sensory regulation. I can attest to all of these. Yeah. So like moms that are neurotypical are touched out. They're like, please stop crying, stop throwing things, stop touching me. All of these really intense sensory experiences are just magnified for people with an already about to tip over sensory bucket, as I talk with my clients about, where like the water is the input. So you become a mom and you lose a lot of control over that input. So you can't just step out, you can't just walk away from a situation, you can't just say, I'm gonna take an hour to myself. It doesn't work as well. You have to like really fight for those regulation breaks. And so that's one reason the sensory input gets turned up as a mom. Secondary to that, you're not just managing your own schedule, your own eating, your own appointments, your own sleep, your own laundry. It multiplies by however many kiddos you have. And again, as it multiplies, you lose control over some of those things. You finally get a room clean, your kid messes it up. You get good sleep habits before you go to bed, but you have a toddler, so it doesn't matter. And they're gonna be up in your bed all night. So more demands, less control makes it really hard.

SPEAKER_01 26:11

How might this show up in a mom's kid, specifically their daughters? What do you want parents to be looking out for in their daughters?

SPEAKER_00 26:21

Yeah, I think watch for any time you say, Oh, she's so forgetful, she's so emotional, she's not trying. She just needs to just needs to, usually followed by something that has a deeper meaning. So just needs to try harder, just needs to calm down, just needs to focus. Yeah, it could fill in the blank with a hundred things that likely point to a child that's really struggling. So, I mean, I can remember, I did well in school, my whole childhood. School, great. As long as I knew it was important, I would, I got this. I'm excited to learn. At home, I remember many times sitting in a very, very messy room, completely shut down. I had no idea where to start. I couldn't make sense of the visual input. I couldn't figure out how to make a system for myself. I didn't know where to start. I didn't even know. I couldn't imagine getting from point A to a clean room. And so look for those like instances where someone could have looked at me and said, Peyton, you're very successful at school, you're doing X, Y, Z above grade level, and you're sitting in your room crying because you can't figure out how to clean it. Logically, I know this, like I can pick up clothes, but figuring out that that's where I need to start what felt near impossible. And I'm not just talking about when I was in elementary school. This was the high school version of me too, just completely overwhelmed. And it would take me hours, days to be able to really figure out how to make sense of my mess. So that's just how I presented. But yeah, look out for anytime you're looking to label your daughter with something that you feel like should be easier for them and isn't. I think approach that with curiosity.

SPEAKER_01 28:06

And be willing to follow that curiosity to the experts that can help you figure out what it is and guide you along the way at putting some of those systems into place. Because if your kiddo is rocking it in other areas and they're struggling, there's a reason. And if they're struggling everywhere, definitely go and get that looked into as well.

SPEAKER_00 28:24

Always worth asking questions. And if it ends there and an expert says, I don't think that this is what it is, okay. There's still information there that the child needs support, but definitely worth going to an expert to get evaluated and ask those questions if you think there's something there.

SPEAKER_01 28:41

Awesome. Great. Thank you for that. What are some things parents might misinterpret as behavior problems that are actually ADHD related? Big feelings. I see that one in my office a lot.

SPEAKER_00 28:53

Yeah. Like, especially daughters that have ADHD or potential ADHD screaming back at parents, not that is what we want by any means. But as a parent wondering, is this this regulation deeper than I'm upset? Often yes. Is it sensory? Could this person have a really sensitive sensory system and have been taking in information on 10x mode all day? And this ask that you just asked her to do put your shoes away, unload the dishwasher, quiet down, was just the last straw that flipped the switch. And so there's also an impulse control element. So especially as daughters grow up, they're very quick with the talking back and saying things that ultimately they don't mean, which can be a mix of emotional sort of dysregulation and difficulty with those skills and difficulty with impulse control, which is harder when you're dysregulated. So things come spewing out that we don't mean. And so they can seem malicious in nature, and not that those things are not that you have to be tolerated in your house as like a normal thing, but really understanding the root of them comes from a child struggling or a teen struggling. Secondary to this, the behavior of leaving stuff around the house. I've told you so many times, stop throwing your backpack on the floor, wipe the sink out after you brush your teeth because that's disrespectful to our home. These are things that I hear. And oftentimes that's executive functioning. The child or the teen is not noticing the world around them in the same way that you do and has a harder time slowing down enough to say, Oh, I left my shoes or my backpack. My mom's told me to stop doing that. Let's do something about it. So just approaching that with a lot of empathy.

SPEAKER_01 30:52

Yeah. And that they're not doing it to spite you or to purposefully not do the thing that you're asking. One thing I want parents to take away is that by and large, kids want to do well, as adults do too, right? We are all doing the best we can, even if sometimes we miss the mark, or if we often miss the mark.

SPEAKER_00 31:15

Yep. Something my mom always said, which I love and I think about often, is that ADHD is an explanation for a lot of behaviors and struggles. It's not an excuse, but it is an explanation. So take that with the weight that it deserves. It explains why a child might do something.

SPEAKER_01 31:34

And that explanation is not necessarily the solution.

SPEAKER_00 31:37

Yes. Usually there's steps to be there.

SPEAKER_01 31:43

Okay. Skills that need to be practiced. We aren't born with skills. They come along the way. And for an ADHD brain, it takes more clear and explicit instruction.

SPEAKER_00 31:55

External, usually visual in some capacity.

SPEAKER_01 31:58

Yeah, for sure. All right. Let's here's what I really want to talk about today. I'm super jazzed about it. Going from surviving to thriving, right? We are all getting fed for the most part in our lives, right? We have some resources if we're listening to a podcast. So by and large, most people in the states are surviving. How do we get to thriving, especially in a woman with ADHD? What are the first things you focus on when you work with a woman at Lightminded?

SPEAKER_00 32:31

Starting with sensory regulation. So in our pyramid of our brain's capabilities, like on the bottom are your basic nervous system, food, safety, you know. And as you go up, the top one are those executive functions, daily life skills things. So until the other ones are taken care of, you can't access. So in summary, if someone's sensory system is dysregulated, be it that it's kind of hypersensitive, so it's overstimulated or sometimes understimulated, not getting enough input to feel steady, we can't access and begin to teach those high-level executive function skills that are required to complete the daily life. So we always start with the regulation piece. And so do a sensory assessment, build awareness often is a huge step, which hopefully and typically leads to self-grace and self-understanding. For I'm not nutty, I'm dysregulated. Right. It's not a flaw. Just as every system can get overwhelmed. Exactly. It's like fight or flight for your nervous system when your sensory system is dysregulated. So we start there and then we start. This is assuming we've already written goals for the different components of your life. So it could be laundry, it could be general household management, work, parenting, eating, leisure, rest, sleep, could be anything. But we'll take it goal by goal and start to develop an understanding of what environment, executive functioning skills, sensory components, social support or not, all of it. What's at play here that's making this thing hard? And let's start to build skills and systems. So oftentimes I start by externalizing as much as I can for the person. So they have to hold less in their brain. So we build visuals, we build very like limited options for things. A good example of that would be like people who struggle to meal plan. I will work with them to make a list of breakfasts, lunch, dinners, a couple of options for each under each energy level. So like on a day where you're feeling like Gordon Ramsay, these are our options. Phenomenal. On a day where it's an average day, I have these three choices. The options are grab it and eat it in the next three minutes, or I'm on eat. These are what we have. So externalizing those decisions so that in that moment, all they have to decide is what am I feeling? What energy level and time do I have today? Here's what I'm gonna do. One of three to five options.

SPEAKER_01 35:18

So awesome. I love that example. That's absolutely phenomenal. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah. Okay. Let's see. What else do I want to know? What are some powerful changes that can make a real difference?

SPEAKER_00 35:32

Yeah, I think it is gonna sound cliche, but slowing down the urgency of things that are not urgent enough to notice gaps in your day. Everyone, especially when with AHD, if there's a gap in the day time-wise, they'll fill it. The goal is to slow down enough to fill it intentionally. So if you want to use your 15 minutes in the car waiting for kids to come out of the school on social media, do it, but choose it. Don't fall into it. If you want to spend that time reading your book, do it and choose it. So kind of having a plan for what am I going to do during these small micro gaps in my day that would fill my cup and just trying to learn not to fall into whatever's grabbing your attention, but choose something you actually want to be doing. That can be incredibly freeing for people who feel often like they're out of control in their own brain and day, feeling like, oh, I'm doing this for me because I chose to.

SPEAKER_01 36:42

And choosing it because it's going to regulate you so that you can do the next thing.

SPEAKER_00 36:46

That's why I tell my clients if you want to do social media, you can. But we write out their sort of options for these gaps, and we always also write how do I feel after I do this thing?

SPEAKER_01 36:57

So assessment, forced assessment and reflection. Yeah. Which is so easy to overlook, especially if you have kids getting in the car. Yeah. Well done. Thank you. I appreciate that one. How do you help women build self-trust when they have spent years feeling like they've been dropping the ball?

SPEAKER_00 37:17

I think a lot of times when we talk about this self-trust thing with my clients, it often circles back to some form of difficulty with all or nothing thinking. So feeling like if I do this, I must do it perfectly. Or if I'm going to clean the house, I must clean every room in the house all the way. And so often that can help get women feeling in a cycle of failure because very often we can't do it all. We don't have time or energy in our day to do all. So then we reinforce the, well, next time I'm not going to start until I can do it all, because that didn't feel good. So you build self-trust by flexing the muscle that says it's okay to do part. And it's really uncomfortable, uncomfortable for people at first, but learning it's okay if I just wipe down my countertops and stop. That feels so foreign to most of my clients because they want to scrub the sink and wipe out the microwave. If they're going to do it because it's really difficult to start, they want to make sure they can do it all. And unlearning that can really help build self-trust because now she set out to wipe her countertops and she did. A win. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:35

With enough energy and reserves to go take care of yourself in other ways. Absolutely. And not hate the task next time.

unknown 38:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:43

And now your kitchen's a little cleaner and you might avoid it a little less next time because it was successful and it was quicker than you thought.

SPEAKER_01 38:50

Awesome. What would you say to someone listening who's saying, you know, I think this might be me?

SPEAKER_00 38:59

Talk to a professional, either your primary care, or if you really are like, okay, OT support is for me. Come do a little interest call with me. It's free, and we can chat about some of these things that you're struggling with. But I think the thing that you should not do is, well, that's just one more thing on my plate. I can't. Or I think everyone experiences this. Let me keep going. It's worth talking to someone because getting the support, whether it be OT, other forms of therapy, medication, there's a range of things you can do. And some combination of them can make worlds of difference in how you feel, in how you show up, and then feeling authentically yourself in all aspects of your life, feeling in control of your brain. The worst thing you can do is say, I'm too busy right now, or I don't deserve to take time to look into this, or whatever it is that you're believing. Just chat with someone about it. No pressure after that. But start there.

SPEAKER_01 40:05

Where do you think women get the idea? Specifically, moms. I can't do this for me. I'm too busy with my kids.

SPEAKER_00 40:12

I think there is again a societal element of go, go, go, you have to juggle everything. Don't let any ball drop. Keep it in the air. There's also an element of when people are struggling with executive functioning, everything feels urgent. And when women are very quickly weighing what actually is urgent, they often weigh their own needs as less urgent than their kids or their families or their job. And so even women who would say, Yeah, I take care of myself, when they actually assess their lives, there they tell me, I can't remember the last time that I did something leisurely for myself. So same thing with this mono support. And it can be scary, right? It can be scary to admit that some things are hard that aren't hard for other people. And the idea of building skills or systems can feel overwhelming because of the executive function required to do so in an ironic way. But that's what I'm here for.

SPEAKER_01 41:16

You heard it here, folks. Take care of yourselves. You're allowed to take care of your needs. And it might not be nearly as tough as you think it will be if you've got the support of somebody else along the way. You also work with young women. What are you seeing right now when it comes to ADHD in that age group? Let's say like the 15 to 24-ish range.

SPEAKER_00 41:41

Yeah. So these ranges are hard. There's a hormonal component. Evidence is coming out that can make ADHD symptoms more significant, more impactful. So that's kind of going on in the background, often of the younger side of that range. And demands ramp up. What we expect of young women and teens starting in like high school age grows every single year. You go from your parents driving you around, scheduling, packing your lunch, oftentimes, making sure you're at your sporting events, making sure you talk to your friends, all of it, to within just a few short years, you're getting dropped off a university campus or starting a job or whatever it is after high school, where it's on you to manage your day and your schedule and your regulation and your eating and your laundry and all of it. So as these responsibilities ramp up, difficulties can become more apparent, whereas people are able to rely on the executive function skills of their parents or rely on the system and the structure of high school. Whereas when they go to college, now they have class once a day, and then on the next day they have three classes, and every day is different and they're not sleeping. And so on top of that, there's like real difficulties that can emerge. So I'm seeing a lot of trends of people who were masking and didn't realize it. Or you've said that word before.

SPEAKER_01 43:12

Talk to us about masking.

SPEAKER_00 43:14

Masking, intentional or unintentional hiding of symptoms in order to kind of blend in with expectations in the world around you. So faking good. Or I'm going to not, even though I'm not listening, because I'm struggling to pay attention to what they're saying. So like these social switches that happen. And another example might be like, I'm gonna fight my hardest until this person stops talking to not interrupt them because I don't want to be seen as rude. Stuff like that. Ways that people tweak their behaviors to kind of blend in to what they think is normal.

SPEAKER_01 44:09

Yep. Awesome. Thank you.

unknown 44:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:12

What an enlightening conversation. All right. Question. What's the best piece of advice you have ever received? Just in general, not even about ADHD. Or make it ADHD specific. Whatever works for you.

SPEAKER_00 44:23

Yeah, I think that this could go for life. This could go for ADHD from doing the laundry all the way to choosing a career. Someone once told me you don't have to do it right, quote unquote. And when I say right, you don't have to do it the way that everyone else does it, or the way that a YouTube tutorial would tell you to do it. But do what works for you. So especially with a brain living in a world that doesn't always move the way that my brain needs to move and function, find what Good at do it your way. I started a business because the idea of a nine to five stressed me out, a traditional nine to five where I couldn't go on my walks during the day and I couldn't have a break to watch my show, and you know, stuff like that didn't work. So I'd arguably maybe put in more work to build the business on the front end, but now I'm living in a way that's more me. And so you don't have to do it the right way. Do what works for you.

SPEAKER_01 45:21

There is no right way.

SPEAKER_00 45:23

There's no right way. No shoulding.

SPEAKER_01 45:25

I should do it this way. Yeah, love it. What's the one takeaway you want listeners to remember from today?

SPEAKER_00 45:32

If you're wondering whether other people are struggling as much as you, seek more support to ask questions about that.

SPEAKER_01 45:41

What's one question you wish I would have asked that I didn't ask?

SPEAKER_00 45:44

Maybe what do you hope the world of ADHD in women looks like in the next generation?

SPEAKER_01 45:54

And what's the answer?

SPEAKER_00 45:56

I hope that there's good evidence for how we present so that providers and teachers and parents understand what it's like to be a woman with ADHD and what to look for in girls so they're not getting missed as much. I hope that ADHD assessments are more sensitive to how girls and women present. And I hope that in the world more broadly, when someone says ADHD, people don't just go to a hyper young boy bouncing around the classroom. I hope that can expand.

SPEAKER_01 46:33

That would be wonderful. It'd lead to a lot earlier diagnoses from my perspective. Yeah. Yeah. So much less. Yeah. Yeah. And that's what it's all about, right? Feeling connection and being able to be authentic. Yeah. Yeah. It's such an important thing to be able to feel. Peyton, this has been such an important conversation. I think this is going to give a lot of women the language for something that they've felt for a long time and haven't been able to articulate. If somebody wants to connect with you, how the heck do you want them to reach out?

SPEAKER_00 47:05

So two options. There's my website, which is www.lightmindedot.com. So that's www.lightminded M-I-N-D-E-D-O-T.com. And you can click request an appointment and schedule a free interest call with me and we can chat, or you can submit an inquiry form on there. And you can also email me. My email's the same. It's P as in Payton Gimel G E M E L L at lightminded O T.com. And I said two, but I guess I mean three. I also have social media. So on Facebook and Instagram, it's lightminded.ot.

SPEAKER_01 47:48

Awesome. Thank you so very much. It has been really enlightening. Thank you so much. Yeah, thanks.