Why Being the Chosen One Isn’t Always a Blessing | She’s BEYOND Elevated Podcast

Beautiful, 

Let’s be honest—being “the chosen one” sounds powerful… until it starts feeling heavy.
 In this heartfelt and transparent episode of She’s BEYOND Elevated, Dr. Kimberly Dunlap unpacks the emotional toll of being the dependable one, the strong one, the one everyone turns to—but rarely checks on.

If you’ve ever been the backbone of your family, your job, or your circle—and secretly felt burned out by it—this conversation will help you release the guilt and rewrite the rules.

💎 3 Takeaways from this Episode:

1️⃣ Release the silent contracts. You never signed up to be everyone’s everything. Rip up the guilt. Rewrite the boundaries.

 2️⃣ Ask for help—and receive it. Let someone pour into you for once. Vulnerability isn’t weakness—it’s strategy.

 3️⃣ Start choosing yourself—even when it feels selfish. Self-prioritization is self-preservation. Your purpose needs a whole you, not a depleted one.

This episode is your permission slip to stop performing strength and start embodying softness. Because even the chosen ones need rest, refilling, and restoration.

🎧 Tune in and learn how to lead from wholeness, not from wounds.

Transcript

0:00

Carrying everyone's expectations is killing your elevation. Let's unpack the trauma of being the strong one. Let's get into it. Hello beautiful you tuned in to She's Beyond Elevated with Doctor Kimberly Dunlap. The space where purpose meets power and faith meets execution here. We don't play small, we rise, we heal, and we elevate on every level. So get ready to shift your mindset, reclaim your brilliance, and step into the version of you that's been waiting to emerge. Let's get into it. Welcome back to She's Beyond Elevated, the space where the strong women, the first, the only, the burden, the black sheep or the generational curse Breakers come to breathe. And rise today's topic is personal and, and, and I'm going to actually go out on a limb and say this is a very powerful message as well, because today's topic we're actually talking about why being the chosen. 1 isn't always a blessing. You know who I'm talking to. You know the one everyone calls when they need help, The one who made it out. You know the one who is expected to save the family, the business. Legacy with no one ever really asking how you really doing. You know you are the person that makes sure that you remember everyone's birthday and anniversaries and all the important days and no one calls you on your birthday or no one remembers. You on your birthday. So let's just call it what it is, being the strong one. Is often a trauma response. Now of course you guys know I have a. A strong. Drawing to the strong ones, the strong friends, the strong sisters, the strong cousins, the strong moms, all of those OK, it's not just about being capable because we, we, we all know that you're capable. It's really about being conditioned to hold it to. To kind of hold it all together because no one else would so. Usually from a young age, right, You were probably praised for being mature or more responsible or or the one that was so dependable or even having an old soul, but no one ever asked if you were actually OK. No one ever told you that it was safe to rest. No one ever told you that it was perfectly OK not to have all the answers. OK, and so let's Fast forward 1520, thirty years. And now you feel guilty for slowing down. Even guilty when you have to say no to people. You feel guilty when you prioritize sorry you prioritize you over something else. Now being the 1st in your family to graduate. To earn 6 figures to break the cycle. It's beautiful, right? It's it's, it's beautiful. It's a wonderful thing. But I can tell you that it's very, very lonely. Because with every milestone comes. An unspoken responsibility. Right to carry others financially. OK. You are the person that everyone comes to because they know you got it right, and the person that no one feels the need to pay back because you got it right to represent the entire community. In white dominated spaces, so you, you, you often are the only person that looks like you in the room. And you know because you're the only person that looks like you in the room, there is a unspoken responsibility. That you almost feel because. There's no one else that looks like you there in that spot, and you feel the personal responsibility to carry the weight. To never fail because everybody's watching. Right, being told that every time you step outside, you're on stage. Because. Everyone's looking, everyone's watching, and you got to get a fans what they want, right? So that's the expectation, that's the unwritten responsibility that you never asked for. But because of who you are and what you've accomplished, you automatically. Inherited it. To shrink your success so others feel comfortable. Now this is a big one OK, because most often the reason you continue to play small or smaller than others is because. You don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable because they're not where you are. OK, now I'm going to say that again out loud so you can hear it. You don't want anyone else to feel uncomfortable. Because they are not where you are in your life. Right this. This is not elevation right this. Is entrapment. Yeah, entrapment wrapped in applause. Because you're praised for all of the things. All of the things that you've done, you get praised for. But the unspoken responsibility that comes along with it is draining and it's heavy. Now here's the truth that you really need to hear today. You can love people and not sacrifice yourself for them. You can lead without bleeding. And that means yourself dry. You can be a cycle breaker without being everyone's crutch. You don't owe anyone your burnout. There's nothing that you need to do that is more important than the person doing it. You don't have to dim to be digestible. And that was huge. The Hill version of you. Doesn't carry everything right. She doesn'trests. She trusts God to carry what she's no longer able to do. That's the healedhealed version of you. I want to give you today 3 freedom steps for the strong ones. OK #1 release the silent contracts. Well, you never signed up to be everybody to to be everyone's everything, right?RIP it up. Throw away the guilt. Rewrite what your success looks like for you, including your boundaries. That can be financial. That can be time constraints. That can be. Availability. It can be a lot of things, but rewrite. Your level of success with boundaries OK #2 ask for help. And actually receive it. OK, now that that the the last part is the caveat because you can ask for help, but when it shows up or when it comes because you have always had to control every situation, are you actually opening yourself up to receive it? Let someone pour into you for once. Umm. Let them pour into you without you. Filling a sense or a duty to reciprocate or to provide something in exchange. OK, vulnerability is not weakness. So being vulnerable and opening yourself up to receive the help that you know that you need, it's not a weakness. It's actually a strategy because. Being vulnerable allows you to be in spaces. Where you learn to prioritize yourself. Right, so #3. Start choosing yourself. Even when it feels selfish. Now this is a hard one because most time the strong ones. That's the reason why you got that title because you are always the dependable 1. You are always the one that's going to show up. You are always going to be the one that get up,

gets up out of your bed. At 3: 11:00

00 AM to help out a friend in need. You, You're that person. That's how you became the strong one. prioritization is self preservation. And I'm going to self prioritization. Is self preservation and your purpose needs a whole you. Not the one running on empty, not the depleted 1, not the one that barely has enough. OK now. Here are your PowerPoints for today. OK. What expectation have you been carrying that were never yours to hold on to? Now. For me, my expectation that I have carried for many years is that I have to be 1 better. In every. Given situation. that's not a realistic expectation? I have learned to develop the rooms that I congregate in. I no longer want to be the smartest person in the room. I don't want to because if I'm the smartest person in the room, I'm in the wrong room. So that's an expectation that I had. What expectations have you been carrying that you never, that were never yours to really carry or to hold on to? Write them down. Write them down. Speak them out. Burn the list if you need to when you're done with it, and then. After you've gotten it out, you've spoke it out, you've burned the list if you need to breathe. Because you allowed. To be held to. It doesn't make you weak. It doesn't make you. Um, any less powerful? You are allowed to be held to. So if this episode hit home, I want you to make sure that you go in and register for my upcoming seminar, The Degree Trap. All right? Because breaking cycles isn't just about success, it's about healing. While you rise and you need help, if you need support navigating life as the chosen one, be sure to register for my next 5 day Wealth Beyond Work challenge. OK, we're going to provide you with key information. That helps you build the legacy that you want beyond your nine to five while leveraging your God-given talents and next time you weren't born. To blend in, you were built to break ceilings, break out of boxes, and break generational curses. Stay bold, stay brilliant. Stay beyond elevated. Until next time. Well, beautiful, thank you for tuning in to She's Beyond Elevated with Doctor Kimberly Dunlap. If this episode spoke to your soul, share it with another woman ready to rise. Remember, elevation isn't a destination, it's a decision. Keep shining, keep walking in purpose, and I'll see you in the next episode. No.