Life Out Loud with Gina and Heather
Where two best friends get real about the chaos, comedy, and curveballs of middle age. From raising kids to rediscovering ourselves, no topic is off-limits. We share the unfiltered truths, the laugh-until-you-cry moments, and the conversations you didn’t know you needed. Think of it as a coffee date with your funniest, most honest friends—because if we’re going through it, chances are you are too.
Life Out Loud with Gina and Heather
Raising Daughters
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Join us for a laugh-filled chat about the wild, wonderful ride of raising daughters in today’s world. From tiny tiaras to big opinions, we swap stories, share hard-earned wisdom, and celebrate the chaos in navigating raising strong women. Perfect for parents who get it—and anyone who wants a peek behind the curtain.
Hi Heather. Hi Dan. How are you? I'm good. How are you? I'm good. I had a busy week. Yes. You're hosting Easter right here. Hosting Easter for the first time. Unless I don't remember. I mean, you got a long like married life behind you, so who knows if you've done it at some point. Yeah. First time.
SPEAKER_00And there will be no ham. Zero ham. Let's just get start right out of the gate and being controversial.
SPEAKER_01Ham's the worst. No, I'm just teasing. I don't do ham either. I mean, I don't. I don't love it personally. I'm not opposed to anybody eating ham at their Easter celebration. Yeah, I wouldn't do that.
SPEAKER_00Well, I and I was listening to the radio, they were talking about it, like, well, what do you make? What do you make? And it is pretty interesting. And I I feel like a lot of people make like very similar things. There's kind of like traditional like Easter foods. And uh yeah, I think the only traditional thing I'll have is maybe cheesy potatoes.
SPEAKER_01I was gonna say, because I don't love ham, but I feel like whatever you're gonna throw on the side to go with ham, it's kind of like Thanksgiving for me. I'll eat all of that probably and like it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I don't really know what the traditional dishes are that comes with ham.
SPEAKER_00Ham, scallop potatoes, cheesy potatoes.
SPEAKER_01Okay, those are winners.
SPEAKER_00A lot of like different salads. And then a lot of people do like brunch, like make Easter kind of like a brunch.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I could see that. This is one of the first years where my kids have Monday off of school, but there's been years where they did not after Easter. Oh, we don't. I'm saying, and it always kind of bummed me out because I'm like, we were all together late. It was a holiday. Like my kids have to wake up and go to school because I think it's kind of like Mother's Day. Yeah, I feel like people are like, yeah, we did brunch, we're done. And I don't think it like lingers into the whole day or something the way another holiday might.
SPEAKER_00Is Easter Monday a thing? Because I had a boss once that like he would always like he would never schedule us because he'd be like, It's Easter Monday, and we'd be like, He's making it up.
SPEAKER_01Like Sounds great to me. Right? Now I think on Easter Monday. Yeah, Easter Monday. Yeah, I don't remember my kids ever having it off before. And I would complain about it, and then I feel like this might be one of the first years where it works out that way.
SPEAKER_00So they have the whole week off for spring break and Monday. They don't go back till Tuesday. That's that's really nice.
SPEAKER_01What I think is happening, unless I looked at the calendar wrong. But yeah, it is nice because it'll be like a busy day. It's a busy weekend. Yeah. And then you're spending a lot of time with we do two families, you know, so it's a long day. And so to wake them up at 5 30 the next morning feels brutal. Yeah. I'm so sorry, that's what you're doing. But yeah, except that I mean they have Monday off. If they wake themselves up like that. Yeah, it just feels like oh, we shouldn't be doing that today. We need another day. It's Easter Monday. Yeah, I don't love that spring break is not like tied to Easter anymore, but whatever. It's like we're not getting that back.
SPEAKER_00I know. I hate that.
SPEAKER_01I guess it's better for families if it's predictable, like it's always this week or whatever, but I kind of liked when it was tied. Me too.
SPEAKER_00Well, next year it is, actually for us. I've not looked forward to that much. Yeah, because I I won't be here because it'll be Ava's senior spring break.
SPEAKER_01Oh, in April? Senior spring break. That's the first time I'm missing Easter ever in my life. It sounds stressful. Yeah, I'm stressing about it right now. I'm not gonna lie though, we've talked about this often, like, because we appreciate that Easter is a very important holiday for religious reasons. Yeah. But the the way we celebrate Easter is like moms with kids and stuff. Like it's a lot of it feels like Christmas.
SPEAKER_00Second Christmas, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and then I'm not gonna lie, there's been years where I told Chris, I was like, could we go on vacation for Easter? Yeah, like I would love to just like I don't think I could ever do that for Christmas. Yeah, no, no matter how old my kids get, maybe I don't know, maybe if we're all in Hawaii with grandkids or something someday, that would be beautiful. But I felt like for Easter for sure, I would be like, uh I could do that for Easter. We could go somewhere, right? I feel guilty.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, well, it's gonna just be me and Ava missing it and my whole family here.
SPEAKER_01It's interesting that they picked Well, it's spring break. It's spring break. And it's it was tied to Easter, so there's nothing they could do to avoid that.
SPEAKER_00And make no mistake, it will not feel like a vacation, even though I will be in a trouble. Yeah, right. I'm like, come on, I got a lip gloss. Interesting, it's gonna be so much fun.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like uh, whose mom is that? I'll have bonnie ears.
SPEAKER_00Bonapasco, everyone.
SPEAKER_01Bonnie ears. Wait, where would they decide where it is? Is it Mexico? It is, yeah, uh Riviera Maya. How fun. It's gonna be. Maybe you could sneak me in as somebody's like weird aunt or something. I could I could just find me a blonde girl whose mom didn't want to go, so it's believable. I don't know that you're gonna want to see what goes on there. I probably don't. I would like to be ignorant. That'd be great for a few more years because my kids are not as old. That's a good segue though, because we're actually gonna talk about our kiddos today, specifically raising daughters. Daughters. Which I feel like some of this might very much apply to sons. You'll have a better reference on that than I do because you're doing both. Yep. But just we talk about it endlessly off the pad. Just like, whoo, it's a lot. Like it's a totally different world than we grew up in. And I'm sure our parents would have said the same thing. Yeah. But it feels like it's changing exponentially for that. I think it's it's more different. Mm-hmm. I agree. I think the leap from like the last generation to our parents and then them to us, us to the next, those have gotten way crazier every time.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So no scientific basis for that. It's just my opinion.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, no, I think it's I stand behind that. And uh which again is most of what today is. It's our experiences, yeah, as moms.
SPEAKER_01The casual little chit-chat about raising daughters. Yeah, there's not like a lot of uh we're not coming at you as any kind of professionals or anything. No. But so like right off the bat, we were talking about what feels the most different about like the world that we're raising our daughters in, as opposed to like how we grew up. As I mean, we're mostly gonna focus on teens or you know, a little bit younger than that, like those developmental years that I mean, raising toddlers, I feel like feels yeah, probably more similar across generations, raising like preteens, teens, young adults. That's I feel like where the differences are gonna jump out.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01What are some of the things that feel the most different to you? If that makes sense.
SPEAKER_00A few things, but at top of mind, the first thing that comes to my mind would be the social media aspect of all of it. Like, you know, we had influence with, you know, MTV and Teen magazine and things that you would see, but you had time to kind of like, you know, digest that personally on your own in your home, where now it's like everything is at your fingertips in front of your face, and then people are commenting on your appearance. And just the other day, Ava made a comment because one of Gianni's friends said something about Ava's like makeup or something, and she was like, Why is he commenting on my makeup? And blah blah blah. A friend that's a boy, yeah. Okay, and Ryan said, like, yeah, well, you posted the picture, and like when you post the picture, you kind of open it up for like, yeah, people are like, Yeah, right or wrong, it's like you you expect it. Yeah, yeah, and it's just like it's so it's normal now for us, but when you think about we did not have that at all.
SPEAKER_01Like at any time of the day, I didn't know everybody's opinions on me or you know, and if they had an opinion, they would have to be bold enough to walk up to you and give it, or at a minimum, they could have said it behind your back to somebody, and then maybe it made its way back to you, but it wasn't instantly on a keyboard where you don't even have to like say it out loud. Or you know what I mean? It's just a different level of like it takes a different level of guts to be like, I don't like your clothes today, or do you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00Or like what's going on with your makeup, or yeah, and now everyone's a key I mean, which she's had people do, but it's it's a world full of keyboard warriors now, yeah. And I mean it could ruin your life. Like, there's just different things now that I have to tell her. Like, hey, when you're on FaceTime with someone, again, they can take a screen cap of whatever you're doing, whatever you're saying, like that's theirs, not yours.
SPEAKER_01Like, it's such a tremendous responsibility, too, that like kids are not really prepared for. Like, as adults, we're like, I don't even think I thought that hard about like what this means, or or even like you were saying, my kids will say, like, can I FaceTime one of my friends? And I'm like, Yeah, don't walk around our house with like a live feed, you know what I mean? But like, they don't understand that like the implications of it. What's the worst? They see like my messy living room. It's more like, I don't know, everything you're doing is on display, yes, and could be documented, saved, sent to somebody else. I'm already hearing, and thank God we've talked about this, but like my my oldest is 12, so I felt like I was ahead of the curve. Not necessarily, because she's saying, like, there's some drama going on at school with pictures that somebody shouldn't have taken getting sent. And I was like, okay, I can't believe we're having this conversation. But like, yeah, you see how dangerous that is, or how easily something that you took or whatever is now for public consumption. Like, first of all, don't take the picture. As a mom, I'm saying, like, first of all, you don't take that picture, like, second of all, as soon as you release it into somebody else's control, there it is.
SPEAKER_00It's gone, and hey, that it's a lesson. And as a parent, you can try and try to lie and say, Oh, well, that was blah blah. No, it's out there and it's done, and like hard lesson learned.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. You were saying too, like, they get exposed to all this like influence and stuff. Oh, you were saying like MTV. We didn't even have it for a long time. Yeah, but then when we if we did, what it wasn't on a 24-hour loop. No, and uh, even a magazine, you buy one, it's already old. By the time you read it, it's like, okay, that got printed. It's not even it's non-stop, it's 24-7, and it's the whole world at their fingertips or whatever. So it's hard to even like relate to growing up with that being the norm. Like, we came into it as I guess older teens. I'm trying to think when what do you do? I mean, social media. I guess we were married adults. Yeah. Okay. So even that was like we were probably fully formed. Our brains MySpace was around before. I don't even know if I was on MySpace, to be honest. I just remember that guy's picture. I didn't even remember his name, poor Tom. No, I don't feel like I was on it, but it definitely wasn't like influencing, influencing my life in any meaningful way. Yeah, for sure. It's just wild to imagine like how different it is for them. And then I do think there's some validity to the fact that because that starts so young, they're just not kids for as long. No. Do you know what I mean? Like they're giving up their child, not giving it up, but their childhood is almost like, depending on what like whatever rules you have around it, but you can also do everything you can to think like, okay, we're gonna delay that as long as it's it's in the water. Yeah, it's in the atmosphere. You can't, unless you like live in like a rural place where you're not gonna be exposed to, you know what I mean? Like an island off the grid. It's just so much a part of it. So I feel like our little girls like grow up faster and they're worried about like beauty and fashion and everything at such a young age. It's funny. We were talking to a mutual, I won't say who it is, about their uh I want um kindergarten-aged girl, kindergarten, and she was talking about like what things she wanted to wear because she sees older girls wearing them, and the mom was like, Oh my gosh, in kindergarten we're talking about yes, I'll tell you later. But like, yep, like crop tops and short shorts and all the things, and you're like, okay, that's backing up way earlier than maybe even I felt like with my kids or something, but I know.
SPEAKER_00Well, and then because of social media and so much is out there on both ends of it, you know. Then you're telling your daughter, like, okay, but like, you know, I don't love that. Like, maybe you shouldn't wear that. It's not exactly, you know, then she'll be like, Well, my body, my choice. And I'm like, No, yes, I don't think my kids know that phrase. Yes, but also there's so much out there that you're working with that's important that you're trying to balance messages for your daughter raising a woman, but like it's it's tough. It is not always easy, it's really tough.
SPEAKER_01And then you reflect on okay, well, how was I raised? How did that go? Or what did I think about those things? And it's like, it's a different world. A whole different world. So some of that is valid, and we continue it forward.
SPEAKER_00So that's my mom should have been like, nope, not right now.
SPEAKER_01I still pull out those like old phrases, like, well, I mean, when you have your own apartment, right? I can't wait to come visit your place where you don't clean your room. And I mean, I still bust out those under my roof. I'll be like, your body was once inside of my body. I still sort of control it. No, but it is, and I do think I have some different uh outlooks or opinions about some of that, like how you dress, and what are you saying to the world about how you feel? It's not so much about um, you know, making sure that we're pleasant for everybody else's like eyes and viewing, but it's like, yes, you're right. It's your body. You have one opportunity to like show people who you are, what you is what's important, or whatever. So it's so hard. It is, it's very hard. I mean, we could just wrap it up right now because I'm like, it's so much hard. The end.
SPEAKER_00So, so much the end. What is it? What do they say? Like, um, may the odds be ever in your favor. How I feel.
SPEAKER_01Good luck, guys. Let us know how it's going for you. Good luck, yeah. Okay, and then um, one of the other things that we were just talking about is uh along with like all the dressing and the fashion and the beauty, like self-confidence and body image versus what does society think you should look like, expressing yourself or feeling good in your own body as opposed to all of the toxic stuff that like maybe we're trying to get away from.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And how I feel like how different does that feel for you? Like as opposed to you when you were growing up, like just the messages you got about looking a certain way or body positive. Body positivity sounds hilarious when I say it. Like, was anybody talking to you about body positivity? No, but what's funny about it? I'm trying to say it without giggling a little because it's a more recent phenomenon.
SPEAKER_00It's a more recent phenomenon, but I don't think that much has changed. Like, if you think about okay, so back, let's talk what we're talking the 90s. Yeah, I mean, we're 80s babies. Yeah, so so we're talking the 90s, early 2000s. What we saw was very, like, very, very rail thin. Yeah, you know, that influence of like you have to be this size. So now, body positivity, we see the Kardashians, we see more curves, we see butts, we see like more acceptance of that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, immediately though, I'm like, no, but also no surgery.
SPEAKER_00Because now there's Ozempic, and there's there's it's now okay, living a healthy lifestyle, losing some weight, working out, you get you say, Oh, well, you must have taken the shot, oh, you must have done this. Like, no matter what, it's still in there where there's a certain way you have to look, and so much has changed, but nothing is done.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's like we're still deep down, we're still the humans who are fighting to be like this. Is so programmed, so deep in us. But I we were just walking, we were in I think Miami or somewhere. It was like a high-end shopping mall area, and I don't even remember what store it was. Was it Lincoln Center or whatever?
SPEAKER_00Is it outside?
SPEAKER_01Uh no, actually, no, I think I'm saying it might have been Fort Lauderdale. Oh, but it was just like a beautiful outdoor shopping area, and one of the stores, clothing stores, had um models, you know, like right on the windows, like the uh ads and stuff. And I'm trying to remember, I'm trying to say this without sounding like a complete jerk. Something about the model, the picture, was um I'm trying so hard not to be offensive. I feel like there was maybe she was a larger size model, or maybe even in the picture, there was like stretch marks or something where it was like my daughter said, like, oh, I'm surprised that they put that like on the front of the storefront or whatever. And it was like a great opportunity for me to say, like, yeah, back in the day, you would never see anything that wasn't airbrushed. Maybe actually that was part of it. They advertised like right on, like, we don't airbrush anymore. It was like a whole thing where it was like you could try, you could understand they were making an effort to say, like, these are our bodies. Wish I remembered the store now because I actually really appreciated it. These are our bodies, like we're not retouching everything for you, kind of thing. And I was like, back in the day, you would never see anything that wasn't picture perfect and not even retouched or blurred or whatever, but like sometimes digitally altered, where it's you know, we well, we took a few inches off our hips, or and those were the models, so they had whatever their body was to begin with, probably more perfect than most, and it still wasn't good enough for a picture. Nope. So it was a great opportunity just for a conversation. I was like, you never, never would have seen that. Yeah, I'm and I'm surprised we actually even see it now, honestly. But that's what I'm saying. It's like there's a there's two really strong forces there's the still, the Ozempic, and they're like rail thin. Yeah, then there's this whole other like body positivity thing that's like coming like more popular, maybe. Models don't need to all look like one size or whatever, or if they have flaws, we're not gonna scratch that all out for you. And I feel like it's still very confusing. There's a lot of mixed messages.
SPEAKER_00I like I like the effort, I like that you know it feels different, but just with you know, I I also feel like a lot of women look the same. Everyone's getting the same fillers and injections. So it's like, so then what are we saying? We're saying body positivity, but also there's filters on cameras, there's filters on TikTok, and everything that you're posting, you're able to like do this and do that, and add makeup and add lashes and inject, and then it's like, so then what's that fair? What do we and again? No judgment to anybody like you do you, whatever you feel you need to feel your best.
SPEAKER_01There's no judgment, it's just talking about the actual idea of body positivity, like is wild when there's so many options out there to that's where I think it's confusing for me, even as a grown woman, because somewhere in that like mix of is what we would probably want to say to our daughters like listen, you should walk through the world feeling your best and the most confident. You don't ever want to go out into the world and feel I feel so like not put together today, it's affecting my mood or whatever. But be careful who's telling you what makes you your best or whatever. So, like, is your best a certain weight? Is your best like flawless skin that like you know, whatever? It's there's so many things or fuller lips or whatever. It's oh it's hard.
SPEAKER_00It is hard, it's so hard to answer those questions and to make sure you're you know giving the right message to your daughter while she's living the same life, seeing all this stuff, hearing all the stuff. All the mixed messages.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I do feel like one place where I'll give us like maybe some kudos, and this might be like an overarching theme in a lot of the topics is we're talking about it way more than I heard it discussed. So just the fact that we're saying to our kids or in front of our kids, like, whoo, this is confusing. How do you feel about this? Like body positivity over here positivity over here, but also everybody's taking medicines or filling like plastic surgery or fillers, like you said. How do you feel about that, or how does that make you feel, or whatever? That conversation, I think, is at least a step in the right direction. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_00I think it's so important to have that open line of communication because they are like, you know, they're at a very um crucial age.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I do feel like so much of your confidence, self-image, how you walk through the world is formed at that early age, it is very hard to change it after that. I know. Do you know what I mean? And as a mom, that feels like oh, so much pressure to like do the best you can and try to get it right for them, which I don't even know how much we affect that, but I think we do a lot. I don't know. And we even joked about like generationally, I think it was more common for like parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, like just commenting on bodies or like I don't like your haircut or whatever. And we're like, we're kind of like at the point where we're like, let's not say those things. Yeah, there's other things to talk about. So maybe that's a move in the right step. I don't know.
SPEAKER_00That's the right direction. That is definitely the right move.
SPEAKER_01It's hard, it's hard to break that old like I think some of that is like in the sauce and you're not gonna get it out, but at least maybe you go home and you debrief and say, like, yeah, that's you know, how aunt, whatever, uncle, whatever, that's how they grew up. They talk about everybody every time somebody looks like a little bit different or whatever, they have thoughts about it and you're gonna hear 'em.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Because I don't think you're gonna change that. You can try. You can make little comments or do the best.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. It's just more work behind the scenes when you leave, like you said, is probably the better way to Yeah, probably the only way we're gonna change that for our kids.
SPEAKER_01Okay, so I feel like you were a little bit farther ahead on this. Well, of course, your kids are older. But um what about just some of the boundaries around like tech screen time? We're kind of coming into this as I have like preteens, almost teens. How big of a thing did you first see when you were raising kids that that would be such a huge piece of like it's not just like about them having technology, it's the access to like the whole world on the internet. Did you feel like that would be such a big thing to address with your kids? Has it felt easy? Has it felt like this is something that we really gotta like get under control? Or how did all that because it is very different from how we grew up with like one family computer?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, very different. Um yeah, I guess I didn't I don't know. It's not as hard as I thought it would be. I do wish that I would have held them off a little longer. Okay, even though saying that out loud still feels impossible because at the time, like it was like they would be the only ones. Right. Um whatever deep-seated issues like I have, like I wasn't able to get past, like, no, you can't be the only one.
SPEAKER_01I'm just flashing back to when your mom brought bought you like a hamster because your whole class had a pet. That's what I mean. Like I carely issue, the issue deep in there. Yeah. You're like, I'm not gonna be the only one.
SPEAKER_00Well, there were times that I was literally like that story. I was like, that poor hamster. Or like he was like, Who am I going home with for what? You know, or the stuff she'd packed me for lunch, which I you know, now I have so many Italian friends that I want to be like, where were all of you? Like, why was I in elementary school alone eating a fried egg sandwich because everyone's making fun of it? They had turkey and cheese. No, they had like lunchables and stuff. And I was like, oh. She's like, she'd be like, that's junk. And it's junk, right? Like, they can smell the eggs. I know, you know, or I felt like, you know, I don't know, like or my mom fit in. She worked at Lorda and Taylor, and this is so like random, but she would get a discount on beautiful, beautiful clothes for us because she worked there. Everybody wore Target. Yeah. So I would come home and cry and be like, they're making fun of my bones. I had like a beautiful, it was a white blouse, ruffles. Like, those are cool and everything. Like gems for like buttons. And she's like, It's a gorgeous blouse. Like, they're making fun of me. They're all wearing stuff from Target. Like, I never, I just I had a hard time. I know everything. Every kid had a hard time feeling like the only one. So anyway, it I I I didn't hold them back. I wish I would have. But we had a lot of other things going, you know, like COVID hit right when my kids were third and fifth grade, which is kind of the ages of like oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_01And if anything accelerated our need for that, because like it was literally the only way you felt like literally doing school overface tensions. We were all you had.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So that like opened it up to all of the like the Roblox with their friends, and like, you know, it was a way to socialize with other people.
SPEAKER_01It's not that just screens were replacing your people. It was like this is the only access I have to do. Only access. Yeah, that's so good.
SPEAKER_00It was a perfect storm, you know, for us with the kids being that age and everything. So there were a lot of things that couldn't be avoided. Yeah. Um, and I so but I don't think it hasn't been as hard. The hardest thing has been just, you know, the uh the difference in their attitude sometimes. You can tell and we'll say, like, all right, like phone purge. Everyone's phones down, we're no phones for you know the next few hours, like almost like you have to like reprogram your kid. Yeah. You see a difference in their like attitude and behavior because they're just like so much.
SPEAKER_01And our kids, I mean, let's be honest, I am also struggling with that. Like, this is like, are you doom scrolling right now? Because we were like in bed the other night. He was like, I don't know, on the computer, and I was like, Doom doom scrolling. He called it. I was like, Yeah, he's like, Were you just talking about how that makes you feel? I was like, Shh, like, do your thing, but like, yeah, then they're 13. You expect them to have like the self-control to not whatever they're doing. It's not doom scrolling, I'm sure, but I'm saying, yeah, same attraction, same like addiction. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's huge, it's a big thing. Well, that's kind of encouraging. I do feel like it uh feels like such a big issue, and because we're coming into it, I in my mind have like such firm boundaries about I'm like, okay, but then it's gonna be like ours, we control everything, they're they're gonna get shut down at a certain time, and but again, I'm watching myself and going like hypocrite. Like, I'm gonna have to reprogram, like our family's gonna have to go through some kind of therapy together.
SPEAKER_00I hate to break it to you, but also this gener, like they are so savvy with technology. I won't go into too many details, but I can confirm that even saying like phones down at this time. Oh gosh, don't tell me it doesn't work. Break it, it doesn't work.
SPEAKER_01They're like, Yeah, there's an app. I can just get it out. It doesn't work. You can see though, too, every question now that we have or whatever. They're like, well, just chat GPT it. Like it is so ingrained in their brain. It's like, oh, we could talk about it for a minute first. Like, what's your thought or what's your opinion? We could ultimately go to that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01But like it is so it's like a reaction.
SPEAKER_00You do that. Sometimes I feel like a bad mom. Like, Gianni will ask me a question, and I'll be back. Or like math, ask her. I have no idea. Ask her. Math homework.
SPEAKER_01And again, I am like a teacher. Yeah, I should know. But you don't do stuff for years, you forget how to do it. So she's doing her math homework, and I'm over here on Chatwood with the exact same problem. Oh, yeah. Because I don't even trust myself to do the work and then be like, what did you get? Do we match? I'm like, I better consult the internet on this. So beautiful tools. Yes. Making some of our parenting easier, perhaps. But also it's a big I feel like I'm not looking forward to setting those like limits and stuff and getting the pushback that's inevitable. Yeah. But I just see, I do see, because it's introduced at a younger and younger age, how it's like heartbreaking to me to have like a play date or the kids are all over for a sleepover, and three of them are on phones, and I'm like looking at the little camera in the basement to make sure they're like falling asleep at night or whatever. And I'm like, everybody's on their phone. Like, why are you guys talking or dancing or doing something stupid together? Like, it's a little sad. It is, it just goes back to that childhood piece, feeling smaller and shorter or whatever.
SPEAKER_00And you just you have to, you know, come up with boundaries that work for your house. I mean, here, and it's it's kind of like an unwritten rule. Like, I don't, I don't, um, I'm not crazy like about it, but it's like an unwritten rule. Like, your phones are our phones. Oh, yeah. So at any time, like I'm just talking about this. Like, I can go through your phone. So don't have anything like I might do a random check. I might decide. Like, I will scroll through. Yeah. Now I trust my kids. They've proven to me. I mean, there have been times where Gianni will literally come home from school. This is a couple years ago, and he'll say, I need to give you my phone before I even see it. Because I heard that someone sent something in our group chat. Oh, wow. And I don't even want to look at it. And that made me feel so good because I'm like, okay, like they're taking it seriously to know, like, had I had, you know, checked that, like, and he was like, I don't even clean. He's like, I don't even want that. I mean, I won't go into detail. It was, I think I've told you about it. It was very creative. It was like a picture. I do remember a president. Okay. Made up of little tiny images of something very inappropriate. Um you couldn't tell unless you zoomed in. Like, so when you looked at it, it was like a picture of Joe Biden. Right. The president at that time. Yeah. But the person who made it, if you zoomed in, I was like, who even thought of wrestling? Who took the time? That's I'm actually a little impressed and mortified at the same time. Yeah. But I was uh proud of him that he had the foresight to say, like, I don't even want this image in my mind. Yeah. That's good. So those are, you know, checks and balances to know that I'm at least like doing it somewhat right.
SPEAKER_01And they do, they do have boundaries where it's like, this is not your property. That see, but I think even parents our age would disagree about stuff like that. Like same thing applied to my room. Like, I never felt like at any point my parents couldn't like walk into my room and just be like, I'm just gonna look around in here or go through a drawer. And I do hear a lot of current parenting people be like, uh, you know, they still deserve privacy, they deserve your trust. And it's like trust is earned. And of course, you're not gonna just do that randomly to make them feel uncomfortable. If you have a concern, I feel like then it's like we gotta talk about what's in your phone, or you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00Like, yeah, it's hard. Yeah, it is it is difficult, and I try to, you know, I try to like you said, respect is earned and trust is earned and all of that. And so I feel like we have a pretty good right now mutual thing going with both kids, and I you know, I'm not in there rummaging through the rooms, yeah. Should I want to, you can't stop me. Okay. That's understood. Try to physically stop me.
SPEAKER_01Like, but also you're at school all day, right? So try to stop me. Sneak. Okay, so I feel like um the next topic uh is maybe a little more specific to girls. I feel like a lot of this stuff applies to everybody, but how has it been, again, because you're you have older children, the friendship slash social stuff that tends to be assigned more to girls, but like we've talked about like you know, Gianni or boys experiencing some of the same stuff, and it's just like a little bit different. Like the mean girl phenomenon, the girls are tough when it comes to the social stuff, like boys are wild. I feel like people always say those things like, oh, boys are wild, like physically they're a lot, girls are drama, you know, and I immediately hate those stereotypes stereotypes and stuff, but I do feel like there's an understanding that like the social stuff is trickier because girls are so relationship-driven, like it's in our nature, it is how we feel like we figure out our place in the world by who we are connected to or loving or whatever, and then of course that's gonna come with problems, right?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and it's funny that you said that we actually just had a discussion at the dinner table last night because I was so put like put off by Gianni's response. We were talking about friendships and we were talking about a couple friends in particular, and I said, Like, what are some of your favorite qualities? Like, what makes you want to be friends with this person? Like, what do you love about them? And he was like, What? I don't know, we've been friends forever. And I was like, No, no, no, like name a quality about forcing you to say it out loud. And he was like, No, I'm a boy, I don't need to say that. And I was like, I don't know where you got that from. I'm like, I'm gonna ask you this question. Society as a whole, like as much as you're fighting against it. And it was so funny. We sat down and it was the four of us, and he's looking at his dad, me and Ava are right here. She had no idea. And I said, Okay, I'm gonna ask this question again in front of all of us. I'd like to have a discussion. So I asked it again, and I said, And Gianni, what was your answer? And Ava was like, That's not an answer, like, name a quality. Like, if you want me to name a quality right now about any of my best friends, I'll tell you. And I'm like, you know, like like clapped like to her, and he like looks at me like, Well, yeah, because she's a girl. And he's like, he looks at Ryan. Yeah, and Ryan thinks, and I again I gave nobody a heads up, right? And I was so grateful. Ryan was like, no, dude, like she's right. Just because you're a guy, like if you ask me about my friends, like now, my answers might not be the same as something that I would say about you.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but it's just the ability to generate an answer, yeah, because you've thought about it.
SPEAKER_00Like, they're funny, they make me feel good when I'm around them. Like, you know, there were he was able to name things, yeah. Where like it was so weird that his initial thing was like he was just trying to opt out of it, yeah. Yeah, sorry, I took us on a tangent, but I that's perfect, literally just happened to us. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, and the reason I said that too was I literally took an entire because I'm a teacher and I have to do like continuing education to keep my certificate. I took an entire class called Social Aggression and Girls or whatever, and I they don't have the class anymore. I feel like they maybe they didn't feel like it was PC enough because like we're we're trying not to isolate what boys and what girls are like, but that was the name of the class at the time. Yeah, it was an entire curriculum of listen, there's science here, there's like brain development here. This is how women tend to navigate the world. Where am I in relation to you? Where am I in like relationships are so important? Navigating that, feeling like you belong is safer than feeling like you're uh, you know, I'm on the outside or whatever. Yeah, so the fact that there's I mean, I'm sure there's endless research, yeah, books, it's out there. It's definitely a thing that we're addressing and talking about.
SPEAKER_00Do we think mean girls are just born? Because other than a lack of communication, like I feel like there are a lot of mean girls still out there. Yeah, and clearly they're not communicating at home with like, yeah, this happened, and I said I was always telling my parents, and they'd be like, You can't say that. I wasn't a mean girl, but like road rage.
SPEAKER_01No, my fear is they are, and that is it's not in the nature, it's in the nurture, and it's being modeled to them.
SPEAKER_00Wait, so you think mean girls are born? I think it's both. Yeah, me too. I think it's both. Because I think that I know some very good parents, and I see some of the things that their kids say, and I'm like, Oh, they'd be disappointed in you, right? Or vice versa, or I see something and I'm like, ah, she sounds like her mom.
SPEAKER_01Like I also feel like at some point we stop having the influence that we want to have on our children, and our influence is diminished drastically by their peers, yeah and whatever. So, like, as strong as your messages can be at home, it's like your voice starts getting quieter and quieter the older they get because it's like, oh, I'm looking out here, this is the world I gotta live in, and I'm sorry, but it's not lining up with what you're telling me. But I do think it's uh I think sometimes it's modeled. And I, if you ask me, this is 100% my opinion, it does also come from insecurity in a lot of places, and not not like you know, oh, there's something wrong with you, you should be insecure. It is because we all have such a desperate need for like fitting in relationships, whatever, that that affects girls more than boys, and it a lot of that behavior I think comes from a place of their own feeling, like I just gotta make sure I get it right and I fit in. I can't be worried about you at the same time. I don't know. I just actually heard an interview with somebody, she was an author, and I did not read the book, but it was about like our daughters, blah blah blah. And she was saying like encouraging things like I'm seeing a big trend of girls who are interested in like mental health and empathy. And like, if you can get to them and say, like, oh, how do you feel like that? She's where do you think she's coming from when she's like that? Like, what's her home life like? And it's interesting, hopefully positive that maybe there's a generation of girls that are like being raised with more of this like awareness of like where do you think that's coming from? Yeah, you know what I mean? Because I feel like we're trying to do it in our own little individual houses.
SPEAKER_00I see the trend of like I was raised with uh they're jealous of you, mom, or I was raised with a imagine what it's like at their house, mom. Like put yourself in their shoes, mom. And I like to think I'm I'm like a little bit of both. Like the they're jealous of you comes from a place of like realness, of like, depending on the situation, it's like okay, not they're necessarily jealous of you, but something about you reminds them of something that they are.
SPEAKER_01Trigger something, yeah.
SPEAKER_00And instead of them embracing it and being like, She makes me feel good when I'm around her, I'm gonna be around her more. She wants to tear you down because she can't get herself there, and that you know, so not necessarily uh just like they're all jealous of you, but more of like better or whatever, yeah. But um I I see that trend a lot, and it's very interesting to like hear both sides of that, but it's definitely a lot of you know insecurity or seeing something in somebody else, and it just you know, triggering the monster in you, like yeah.
SPEAKER_01I find it so hard too because when my daughters will share like little stories. I have like my 43-year-old woman mindset where I'm like, you just gotta remember that like you know, blah blah blah blah blah. I just the other thing this author was saying is like ask more questions, stop immediately going to the like, here's the life lesson. Yeah. Oh man, it was like hard to even listen to it because I was like, I'm not good at that. My kids would tell you right off the bat, oh, mom's always got something to say about like a friend problem. I gotta stop and be like, What's up with that? How do you feel? Yeah, what do you think is up with her? Instead of being like, Well, let me tell you what's probably happening. I'm so bad at that.
SPEAKER_00Well, you know what I'm bad at?
SPEAKER_01Like, now my kids don't tell me so I don't feel so bad.
SPEAKER_00No, I'm bad at like they'll come home and say something, or like, oh, you know, da da da teacher said this or that, and I'm like, What's their name? And I just say like real quick, and she's like, I'm not telling you their name because I mean and I was like, ah, now I have to say, like, I'm not gonna go, I'm not gonna get on the box.
SPEAKER_01We'll not talk to her in my bathroom.
SPEAKER_00It's not that no, it's not like that. Yeah, but you know, of course, as a mom, your initial reaction is like, you hurt my kid, you know. But I don't know, there the mean girl behavior is a real thing, but I do feel uh an area where I'm I'm blessed with a mixture of Ava is uh a very good combination but of Ryan and me, and there are so many times where she'll tell me something, and seventh grade, even though she's in you know her junior year. Yeah, seventh grade is where I had a lot of like issues for my like seventh grade trauma comes out. Oh yeah, and I start like where she's like, Oh, I don't even care. Why would I care? And I'm like, sure, so you're dad. Yeah, so that has blessed us, and then broken record, but finding the right group of friends, they are they're thick as thieves, and now you see mean girl behavior from like a different group of friends, but it's not on the inside of her, it's not on the inside, and they will try very, very, very hard to make these girls' lives difficult, and all five of them will be like we don't even care.
SPEAKER_01Right and I'm like, all the moms are going, wait, you guys don't care because it's like strength and numbers, they're like just do whatever you gotta do.
SPEAKER_00I got my people, they're all they'll all be together, no makeup on, laughing, eating donuts, going like, yeah, and they were trying to do like whatever, we're doing our own thing. And I'm like, I love this. I love that they have it. So good.
SPEAKER_01It's really important, and you don't need you know feels rare, but I feel like hopefully not, you know.
SPEAKER_00No, even one friend. Like if you have somebody that's gonna set your people off. Yeah, you have your people. I feel like you can kind of get through that strength in numbers. Did you just say that?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and it just builds your confidence. Like, I'm never gonna be completely on the outs by myself. I've got a few good people, and then when I look at what they're doing, I'm not into it anyway, or I would never treat people like that. So then belonging to that group or whatever, not important.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, that's so important, especially in these like real, like formative, like you know, junior high, high school. It's almost like you just gotta like get through it and try to have as many like fun memories with the people that support you as you can, because it's it's gonna happen. It's literally your seventh grade. Did you enjoy that?
SPEAKER_01Like, I have very fond memories of like middle school and honestly, high school. I did not have a lot of like I blocked it out.
SPEAKER_02That's okay.
SPEAKER_01So I'm trying to ask myself, did I block some of it out? The day-to-day stuff that was I would come home and be like, on my bed. Did I? Or am I just like ah as a whole, it was pretty good? I'm trying to like remember the good thing that makes me feel is like when you're 40, you will not be still thinking about that. Yes, but also I'm trying to we blocked it out because it was bad.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, six sixth through eighth grade, seventh grade specifically. Because I remember one time I remember I was I had like a group of friends, and I and it this just shows you I know you and I have the same belief, so I'm stepping out on the ledge here. And if you don't share our belief, no, you know, no offense or anything, but this is where I do feel like the Lord does ultimately have a plan for our lives. And I remember having a friend group, and I like got sick, just like a cold, and I was gone for like a few days, and I came back and they weren't.
SPEAKER_01I was there are so many stories like that, and it's like just all of a sudden they decided you're the outcast and you don't even know like when it's coming or whatever.
SPEAKER_00One friend happened to you. One friend stayed my friend, Megan, and stayed my friend to this day. She's still my friend, and then I became friends with my other group of friends for high school. And I mean, high school, I could not have better memories of high school. I would go back to That was a great time. Oh my gosh. If you gave me a a week to go back to high school, I wouldn't hesitate. I'd go back. Still love them, still talk to them. But middle school, I literally I completely blocked it out. Oh my gosh. She was we we met.
SPEAKER_01We weren't friends back then. So I feel like I'm kind of hearing this going. I don't feel like I realized that. Couldn't even tell you a lot of people. And it just went on like perpetually that you were just like not there for an hour. Just never it never, like nobody talked about it. Did you ever go to them and be like, hey, what the heck, guys?
SPEAKER_00Nothing.
SPEAKER_01Because that's always me. I'm like, walk up to her and be like, hey, what the heck?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I tell Ava that.
SPEAKER_01And the kids are like, I can't do that. I'm like, you have to do that.
SPEAKER_00It feels good to say that now, but for whatever reason, back then.
SPEAKER_01You were just like, I guess that's it now. Yeah. That was sad. Oh, yeah. Do you remember coming home and talking to your parents about that? No. And not this again, not a reflection on our parents at all. I feel like generationally, I didn't how the fuck I did either.
SPEAKER_00I might have. My mom was like me. My mom probably would have like shown up at the school. What's your name? So I probably knew where she lived. All right. Yeah. Okay. All right. No, I I don't remember if I told my mom or not. I I was always very open with my parents. I have a hair in my mouth here. Okay. Um, but I I don't remember. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Because I feel like, I don't know, when you're 13, whatever you are in seventh grade, that is your whole world. It is so traumatic to go to school one day and you don't have the friends that you know what I mean? And it's like, I don't know, why would we as 13-year-olds not come home and be like, well, my life is over? And like seriously, I don't know. So now I feel like I know. I don't know all the things, but I am always like, what's going on? Everybody nice to each other today. I know. I'm such a like poker. I hopefully they're appreciating it. I tell my kids all the time.
SPEAKER_00You do you be whoever you want, do whatever you want. You don't be a jerk. I find out you're a jerk. I won't even go to bat for you.
SPEAKER_01No. I know.
SPEAKER_00No.
SPEAKER_01If my kid was the jerk, that's what I wonder sometimes too. And like you can think about maybe one specific girl or something. It can be an Ava's history in your own history. Where it's like they just they have that like a standing reputation. Part of me wants to know sometimes, like, do their parents know? And are they like, no, they got you all wrong? Because I can think of somebody that's like notorious in like our school circles or something. And I'm like, her parents know, do you think? Because I feel like it doesn't make sense with me that they would just be like, I mean, yeah, be jerks to them. You know what I mean? Like, I wonder. I want to know. I want to like sit her parents down and be like, Did you know?
SPEAKER_00I feel like they gotta know. I mean, in in our personal the the one that's coming to mind for me, the she's like that because she's her mother's because of the parent.
SPEAKER_01Because of the parent, which is easier to say the mom, not the parent. I think where it messes me up is like the parents seem so nice. Yeah. Do they know? Like, yeah. No, that tracks, and that's the like nature nurture thing. Like, she that poor girl did not have a chance. No, no, no. At having like a healthy, emotional, like social, yeah, no upbringing. Great kid, which is sad. Yeah. All right. I mean, we could um we could wrap it up soon. I have one more question. Uh we were this actually is related to that. So I feel like some of these like big conversations, like going through puberty, what our expectations are for like relationships or even mental health and stuff. Do you feel like generationally are we having those big conversations with our kids like early and more often? Do you feel like you're talking about things in your household that like you did not address or didn't come up until like a certain age? And now the kind of general wisdom out there is like start addressing these things earlier, or like how early were you talking? How if you're comfortable answering, how early were you talking to Ava about like puberty and what's gonna happen and what changes, or or have you talked to your kids about like emotional, not emotional, mental health, and how yeah, scary that can get with teenagers, or like where that can lead to, yeah, if you're sad and that we that happened a lot earlier than I would have expected, or that's the mental health one?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we all because we didn't talk about that back then. I know, I don't think even adults talk about that. I mean, my mom talked to me about a lot of stuff, everything. She was very open, but like the mental health aspect was not talked about. Um super important and definitely something that I started, you know, like now to the point where my kids will they'll come in and I'll be like, Well, you seem sad, like, are you okay? Did you have an okay day? And they're like, I'm not, I'm fine, I'm not gonna hurt myself. Like I've ingrained it so much into them of like, you know, like, no, this we can talk about this no matter what. Like, and I want you to be able to tell me like I could be your first Latinum document. Or go to somebody, go to one of your aunts, go like somebody you're comfortable with, you know. Um, but like the are you talking about like puberty stuff? I was always really nervous about it.
SPEAKER_01Oh, you were still as a parent? Yeah. For some reason, I'm okay with all of that. And I no, I feel like as well, I think it's partly because of how I've been influenced. Yeah, like I'm listening to people say, like, you first of all, you are gonna talk about it thinking that you're the first person they're hearing it from, and like they've already heard so much from their friends and stuff. So I feel like I wanted to get like in front of it and be like, here's legitimate information before you hear some weird nonsense. Do you feel like you got it? Your sister's older sister or your c or your friend's older sister, or you know. Do you feel like you successfully got ahead of it? Because I tried because they were really young, and I don't uh I don't know. I mean, Aria, and I'm gonna say this. I was a little surprised. So Aria had like um, whatever they call it in fifth grade, health, human reproduction. You know what I mean? The very scientist, yeah, scientist, scientific? I cannot today. There was scientists there. There was a school nurse, very scientific. But we had like a text feed, like the mom's like, uh, are you guys ready for this kind of stuff? Like I didn't have it because of COVID. Oh, so you had to do it. Should I ask Brad for the videos? They sent it to the radio table. I was like, all right. So it's movie night, but it's gonna get real weird. It's gonna get really hungry. I don't know if daddy's gonna want to be here. No, I felt like uh they were saying, like, uh, are we ready for this? Like it's happening next Friday. Are you got are your girls? Do they know? And I was like, one of the only people on the feed. And again, this is just because of how I've been influenced. I'm not trying to say like they're late to the game. I was really early to the game because I felt like I want her to hear whatever her questions are or whatever, I want her to hear from me. Yeah, a school nurse is great, it's better than like somebody.
SPEAKER_00I tried in third grade and someone already told her.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah. Yeah, see, okay, so I feel like second or third grade is probably when we started talking about it. Because by fifth, you're getting separated into two classes and they're gonna hammer you with a lot. So I don't know. I just didn't want them to feel like clueless. I feel like I don't know, I felt like I let was clueless a lot when I was a kid, which is fine. And then I think there's an element of like protecting them from things that they're too young for. But I don't know. I feel like they're hearing it everywhere else. Yeah, I made her a little bad throw back to the like social media world at their fingertips. Did you make the bag? Yeah, I think we did that. That I know for sure I did. Like when she was like six. It just makes everything feel more like this. It's just an everyday thing. And like there's no me and Chris have endless talks. I don't want to embarrass my kids, but we have endless talks about like you can't be the dad who's like, ew, I don't want to hear about it. So my oldest needed to go like shopping, and she didn't have everything she needed. And I was like, just have daddy like stop at the store. She was she was like mortified, and I was like, No, daddy stops at the store for me all the time, like he is not that guy, and it's okay if you're uncomfortable with it, but don't be worried about him, you know what I mean? I feel like that's all so different. We're trying so deliberately to be like, this is normal stuff, and every single woman you've ever known.
SPEAKER_00Is she starting to act like hey, stop, hey, stop calling him daddy? Did that come up yet?
SPEAKER_01No, I don't know. I think that I don't remember now. No, I don't maybe I can't think of what my kids call us right now. Yeah, I don't think I'm mommy anymore. Mama. I'm mommy. And I'm trying to hear their little voices when they're across the hall, like mama. Because I at one point I was like, oh my gosh, you gotta stop. It's so annoying.
SPEAKER_00I have a freshman and a junior, and I'm still like, is it mommy and daddy? What are you your mama? Mama. Okay, and daddy. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01But like, I don't know, I can't think of it now.
SPEAKER_00But they don't, you know, they wanna they want to make the switch, and I get it. Now I mean they've earned it. But I can't, like, it's so hard. I like I'll be in the car. Does he care or is it you? Who if he's not daddy? Oh you know, I haven't asked them. He probably it probably like stings a little, you know. Okay, he like we both understand. It's just so weird. Like, even like when I refer to him, I'll be in the car and I'll be like, Well, I don't know, ask dad. And they're like, Stop making it so awkward. And I'm like, I have to like really try.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. But I mean, do they care if you call him dad? Like you say, like ask your daddy. It's just about like, oh, they care. Like, yeah, they're not gonna say it in front of their friends or something. Cringe. I know. No, I can't even I can't think under pressure right now what anybody calls us, but it might already be dad. I'm curious, yeah. Uh I'll go home and I'll text you. Okay. But I'm just like, we go through that stuff so like overtly. I'm like, daddy does not care, he's not that guy. Like we don't have brothers in the house, so he's the only male. God bless him. My poor brother was the only male. So that's my dad. I think I think it's good for boys to grow up with a sister.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah, a boy that grows up with a sister.
SPEAKER_01There's just a little advantage there. Yeah. So we don't have that. So I told my husband, I'm like, it's all on you. You have to be like a really good model for like, yeah, that doesn't bother me. Yeah, great, whatever.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. No, that's I I think that's super important.
SPEAKER_01All right. I mean, super important.
SPEAKER_00I grew up with an my dad, love him. It just it was a different time. It's just so different.
SPEAKER_01If I needed a tampon, I would I would die before I asked my dad. I can't believe you just said that on the air. Somebody out there is dying right now. Why? Because I said tampon. Oh, okay. But I'm saying this is the generation. That's the generation.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Like I was like, if I needed that, I'd I would rather I would turn the water on if I was opening a pad so that he wouldn't hear it. Like that's just so funny though.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. What are we protecting them from? Right.
SPEAKER_00And that's not how Ava is. Like, you know, same, we wanted the same thing over here, but it makes me giggle because I'm like, it was so different back then if I would have been like, dad, I think you would have been like, oh, don't ask me that. You're on your own. Like, best ant in the world. But like that was like the line.
SPEAKER_01So generational. Isn't there someone else I can help you with this? Like call your aunt. Seriously. Like I got her out of speed diamond. Literally anyone else. I mean, do you have anything else before we wrap up? I feel like the overall arching messages it's just so hard. Let's help each other.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it is so hard. It is hard. Oh, there were so many other things. We have like a little like outline. Maybe this could be a part two.
SPEAKER_01We could definitely return to it. I feel like there's a whole bunch of topics that we could address. Yeah. I feel like overarching theme is just like we gotta talk. It helps so much to talk to other parents.
SPEAKER_00I was gonna say overarching how to do that. Help each other.
SPEAKER_01It's so hard.
SPEAKER_00Oh, it's it takes a village in the way I again broken record, but so grateful for the friendships that Ava has, and those mothers are my close friends. And man, you think you've got it figured out, but uh weekly I'm saying, like, I need I need your advice. Please help. Like, I don't I would not be able to get through it, and I think it's so important to have that and to have open communication, yeah, like making sure, hey, you're not the jerk, right? Like you're not saying anything mean, you're not, you know, yeah, you know what our expectations are. Like, yeah, right. Yeah, no, you see someone like in the hallway and someone's going after them. Like, I want you to be the person if you feel safe, yeah, to say, hey, leave her alone. Like, you know, yes, I don't know, just open lines of communication and finding your village.
SPEAKER_01Our way through it. Yeah, it is very hard. I was trying to, I don't, I don't even think it was this topic, but I was talking to Chris about something, and I was like, I don't think I think you would be blown away, floored just at the amount of mental space that this occupies in my mind. And like, am I doing this right as a parent? Is the piece of the pie that is my brain. It's just the most ridiculous size chunk. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I think the mental energy that I'm always like, oh, I don't think you're doing that, right? You gotta do that better. Oh my gosh. I think it would just like floor dads, maybe, or I don't know, other parents that are just constantly like maybe because I'm already prone to overthinking. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Or even the pressures of being a woman, raising a woman. Like, you know, like I'm I don't know, am I eating rice? Am I cutting it with cauliflower? Do I want her to see me eating rice? Do I want her to see me making healthy choices? I don't want to talk about my body. I want to talk about her body though.
SPEAKER_01Like, I know, yeah, it's so overwhelming. And sometimes I think, like, there's probably people out there whose brain is not doing that. I wish I could just like extract that and inject it into mine. And I don't know if generations past would say, like, oh, I did that too. I was so stressed all the time. You know, am I doing this right? But like, it definitely feels like with the world that we're in, it's getting it's getting harder, maybe. Yeah, maybe that's unfair. Maybe it's always been ridiculously hard, but there's definitely some new things that are like, oh, now this we gotta do I know I always just tell Ava. I'm just feeling bad for myself.
SPEAKER_00I'm just a girl living my life for the first time, too.
SPEAKER_01Just told my husband, because our family's been kind of going through it lately. I told my husband on text after we had like a rough morning at our home, and he won't mind that I shared this. Could you please talk to your children about how I'm just also a human being? Yeah, they're mom, but not a robot. So, whatever they're feeling in the course of a day, also me. Yeah. So could you be a little gentler with mom? Or you know what I mean? And I was like, I hate that I even have to tell you to do this. It's like a really children.
SPEAKER_00I walk around and go, I'm invisible! I'm invisible and nobody cares. Like I was pretty strung out, and I think it was like it's important though.
SPEAKER_01In the interest of preserving your own life, will you also talk to your children about how I'm just a human being too? But again, we we give we have to give that grace to everybody too. But I was like, I think sometimes they need a reminder. I'm struggling over here too. So figure things out too.
SPEAKER_00I do think at least what's worked for me, if I, you know, can give anybody who with younger kids a piece of advice is is that being brutally honest. Yeah, like transparent, very transparent, and like that that phrase. I'm just a girl, like many, many times I'll go into Ava's room and say, like, I was a little rough on you, and you know what? I actually don't know the answer to this. I'm confused because I want to tell you don't know what I'm doing. Yeah, like why am I in charge of you? Like, you know, I want to make you happy, but I also, as your mother, feel like this isn't the greatest choice. And you know what? I'm just a girl doing this the first time. She's trying to figure it out, too. Just trying to figure it out. Like when in doubt, just be brutally transparent.
SPEAKER_01I think again, I keep knocking on the generations. I think in years past, maybe that was looked at as like a weakness. Like you have to look like you you know what you're doing so that they respect you. But I feel like a lot of respect comes from like, oh man, she's being really honest, or she's sorry too that we like fall or whatever. And I feel like that's a piece that I want to like try to remember. It is important. I'm sorry, it goes a long way. Right, yeah. All right. Well, I I usually say it's been fun, but it's been good.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's been good to be here. It's heavy.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's a little heavy because we just want to do our best for our kids, everybody does.
SPEAKER_00But I think there's some more, I think this will be sure. We're gonna revisit this. A part two, yeah. Yeah, maybe there's some if there's some topics, you know, we love engagement. I know our our audience is small, but if there's some topics that you think are important to hit on, discussing, raising women, girls, right, daughters, hit us up, comment, and we'll include it in interaction.
SPEAKER_01Also, always just chat with us if you're comfortable. You can always send us private messages. Yeah, but chat with us on our stuff. Tell us your secrets. We love we love responding to messages.
SPEAKER_00Yes. I'm actually not great at that, but all right.
SPEAKER_01Well, somebody's gonna respond to your messages.
SPEAKER_00Otherwise, I do. I love it. So thanks for stopping by again, and so I'm like you're good by everybody.