If Moms Had Business Cards Part 2

Join us as we continue our conversation of the many “titles” mothers carry 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:04

Hi Heather, hi Dana, and welcome back, everyone.

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Moms titles all of the jobs and roles that moms take on. Yeah. We're gonna get right into it. Okay. And if you didn't find part one, go back in one week, one episode, and catch part one first. I'll kind of explain what we're up to. Yeah. But moms deserve so much recognition, and we're breaking down just some of the aspects of mom jobs.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Alright, so I'll start with the first one. This one's a fun one. I'm excited to talk to you about this because I feel like it will shine together. Event planner, activity coordinator, organizers' birthdays, holidays, play dates, and family traditions. I know you love the term kinkeeping. Yeah. So I'll throw that out. Like making sure that we're connected with our family, but also having all these like celebrations and stuff. So this one I don't necessarily resent as much as like toilet cleaner.

SPEAKER_02 1:06

No, and I love the end part of it where it says these experiences build memories and strengthen relationships. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

Love that. Because I do feel like there's a lot of like, you know, depending on whether you like this stuff, you go big with it or you just like get it done. Yeah. Like a birthday is a birthday. Get it done. If you enjoy it and you want to go big with it, go for it. But there's really no option to not acknowledge birthdays and holidays and family traditions. So however you're gonna approach it, it's very important stuff. Those are the memory makers, those events, those trips. Like, I don't know about you. I think I do know. Even sometimes planning a trip or a family vacation or whatever, like you know, depending on what your personality is, take on a lot of that. Yeah, what activities are we gonna do, or who's bringing what food to the family, you know? Yeah, we're all meeting, which Bertolo is bringing the combos. Yeah, it's important.

SPEAKER_02 2:00

That I mean, I love this one is like one of my favorite ones. And this is actually one where I, if I can pat myself on the back, I feel like I shine here, yeah, but I try really hard only because I don't shine in so many other areas. Specifically, one isn't even on here, but like like getting, like I said, getting on the floor and playing with the kids and like doing that kind of thing was was very difficult for me. I'm not like a very like kiddy person, so I tried to like really make a lot of memories around those things, birthday parties and holidays, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:36

Yeah, and I do feel like that's kind of changed over the years where you tend to see people like do bigger deals or whatever. I was just laughing with Alessia because we're getting ready for her birthday, and I was like, You want like um, she loves we call it heck of a dip. Heck of a dip. Hell of a dip. Oh I mean it's like that's the name. Okay, and then my my other, my like great aunt calls it heavenly dip. She's going the whole other direction with it. So cute, but like she just likes it. We never have it, it's like a treat, right? I was like, You want like chips and dip for your party? She's like, Yeah, I love that. And I was like, that was my whole birthday party, like chips and dip, yeah, and a cake. And like that was all you needed to give anybody. Just come over, we'll sing happy birthday. But I was just telling her, I'm like, things are just so different, and my scaled down version of what our birthday is gonna be is like perfectly adequate, but like I don't know, it is somewhere where I've enjoyed, yeah, like you said, yeah. I put a lot of effort there because it makes me happy, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:34

And I mean, yeah, and now I mean now I'm getting like kind of tired of birthdays because I've been doing them for you know 17 years times two, times two, but right, or almost times two, but uh things are so different. Somebody was just saying it on something that I was watching the other day. Everything and everything is so over the top now that like you do, you can very easily feel like you're underperforming, even though it's completely normal and acceptable. Right, you know, like I was saying, going into Ava's senior year and thinking about graduation parties and what those look like now. Oh my gosh, I can't even imagine compared to ours.

SPEAKER_00 4:07

Just don't tell me so I can be ignorant.

SPEAKER_02 4:09

And ours were beautiful. I mean, we had tents and yeah, catering and so. That's what I mean.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

Like every single birthday party I ever had was probably the best night of my life. Right, right. And it didn't require much, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 4:21

I don't know why that happened. Maybe because people are busier, so they feel like they have to overcompensate.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

I think a lot of that. I think people just have more resources, so it's like, why not do it? Or I want to give my kids the world. Let's, you know, let's go big, go home. I don't know, except for understand too how if that's an area where you don't even enjoy, yeah, that it feels like a lot of pressure, and you're just like, for what though? Yeah. Like it's not that big of a deal. So I feel like your your mileage may vary. Do whatever makes you happy. Yeah. But for sure that tends to fall on moms. And then it even says like activity coordinator, where it's like, okay, your birthdays, your your holidays. Then another kid, like a classmate, has a birthday. Now all of a sudden you're like, okay, where is it? What does that kid want? What does where do we find that present? Who's wrapping it? Like mom, mom, mom, all of them. All of it. So it's not even just inside your own house, it's extending out to like family birthdays and kids from school and all those like activities and stuff. Yep. I actually feel like in a different life I would have liked being an event planner. Me too. Do you feel like that would have been fun? Yeah. Start your own biz or something and be like, I will make you a balloon arch. I know.

SPEAKER_02 5:34

Well, and I think collectively between the two of us, I actually think it would have been maybe we should do it.

SPEAKER_00 5:38

Maybe we should. Are we announcing a business?

SPEAKER_02 5:40

Forget this podcast.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

With what time? I know. Yeah, I know. No, no, but I do because I enjoy it. I feel like that one's like an easy like, yeah, I'm happy to do it.

SPEAKER_02 5:49

But like, well, and you're very good at like you're very creative with like the decor and thinking of like where I feel like I enjoy more to do like the food part of it. And then when the decor comes, I'm like, what? Yeah, buy some stuff from Amazon. Yeah, I try pretty hard, but it doesn't like come as naturally. Um, but I do I think that we're both pretty good at that.

SPEAKER_00 6:12

Yeah. Our lucky little kids have had some fun stuff. But honestly, the more serious part too, I feel like some of those family traditions, holidays, coordinating that, like, well, where what time is this? And are we seeing both families? That's a lot. That is not a stress-free situation. No, like, because you're trying to make everybody happy all the time, and it's not just all like rainbows and roses and birthday cakes. It's like, okay, we have a limited amount of time and we want to see everybody. So what does that look like this year?

SPEAKER_02 6:42

Yeah. And your kids are watching. So, like, it's it's like dual uh not dual purpose, it's like double layered or whatever, however you want to say it. Like, you're not just trying to navigate through, but you're trying to do it in a way that, like, you know, when my kids are married, I want them to look back and think, like, no, like they always my parents handle this. Yeah, like we saw both sides and they were equally important, and we, you know, like it is, it's it's a lot. But I also think it's an area that as a mom or you know, a parent, anyone, try very hard to stay authentic and not look around because nowadays it's so easy to like get caught up in the oh my gosh, did you see that big huge birthday party that they threw for so-and-so? Like, yeah, well, but maybe like maybe they weren't on the ground playing puzzles. Right. And you know, when your kid looks back, they're gonna remember the memories you made. So try not to like let that.

SPEAKER_00 7:32

They're not gonna remember what their like 17-year-old friend's birthday party looked like that year or something, unless it was epic, right? Then they'll remember. Plus, also everything's on Facebook now. I know, like you weren't even willing to compare yourself to anybody back in our parents' day, grandparents' day, who who the people that you went to church with or your neighbors, like maybe five people. Now it's like you're looking at people's birthday parties from around the world and going like, oh, I could pull that off like stop.

SPEAKER_02 8:00

Which is kind of cool because social media has like, you know, opened up so many different things where like, you know, new ideas and recipes and this and that. But then also it's cool that we didn't have that because now looking back, like a lot of 90s content is like coming up, and we're seeing like what people's like what we had in our backpacks, it's coming up, and I'm like, and I'm showing it to Ava, where like they won't have that, it'll just be so like, well, yeah, duh, it's right here.

SPEAKER_00 8:27

Like, yeah, that is true. It's like you forgot some of that stuff even existed, and when you see it, you're like, Oh, give me like the warm fuzzies. Yeah, I know, and it is a mixed blessing. You definitely it there's so many cool ideas out there you can just copy, but also it does give you like this need to like, you know, oh I mean our birthday was just pizza and a cake and like whatever. Yeah, your kids are thrilled. Yeah, so I know we're always overthinking everything, I think, too much. Agree. All right, take the next one, skin serious. Oh, great. This for you.

SPEAKER_02 8:58

The next one is just my this is where I shine. Financial manager. Someone's gonna knock us down a peg as moms. I mean, I shine in the way that like you spend the finances. Budget analysis. I mean, when we have a budget meeting, I like send out a mass text to everybody to say, like, please pray for me. He's gonna be good deep diving into my activities. Like, please send out pray.

SPEAKER_00 9:26

Like, this is a shared load in your household. Um maybe you are not spearheading this at all. Involved in this with financial managing of the, you know, like making sure your household runs on the stretches resources.

SPEAKER_02 9:41

You're you're like the you this should be yours. You're good at this.

SPEAKER_00 9:45

This is funny because it just interests me. Yes. And I I like having my hands in things that interest me. So it's not that I'm more responsible or whatever, it's that like I want to know everything. Yeah. And uh I feel more invested in it. Like, if you tell me I have a budget, I better have been part of like making the budget. I want to be like, you have a budget, it was imposed on you. I'm like, okay, because then we go on that trip, right?

SPEAKER_01 10:10

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 10:11

So I feel like it interests me. I was joking around with our friend who like manages our retirement. And I'm like, can you see how often I like log in? I'll log into like our retirement yeah, every single day. Seriously, for sometimes twice a day just to check it. Like, what's it, what's going on? What's going on with the stock market? Like something crazy happens in the world, and we're like, better check it. And he's like, I actually I think I can see your login, but like I don't I don't pay attention, and I was like, Oh, it's a lie, and it's me. Yeah, it's not even Chris. But like, I don't know, it just interests me. That's good. Yeah, interests me zero. I mean, but it's under control because it's a shared load and somebody else is taking control of that. It is interesting to just hear how differently this breaks down in everybody's household. I know. So some people, it's like, oh, my dad did everything. My mom had no idea when he passed away, like how to pay a bill, or sometimes it's the extreme opposite. Like, oh, well, I just give my wife my check, and then like magic happens and we have groceries and the mortgage is paid. So it's just interesting that these roles are so I know whatever you like shine at or you're interested, or maybe neither one of them wants to handle it, but they're like, somebody's gotta take care of this.

SPEAKER_02 11:21

No, I mean it's it's shared in the way that like I'm not in the dark. I know what's going on. I wouldn't I do pay bills, like he'll give he'll be like, here's your Sephora bill. Like I know I pay Sephora and like all tons. Like, I know how to like I'm not completely in the dark, which I do think, not to go off topic, but as women, it is very important to not be in the dark. Whether you contribute to the financial earnings or not, you should know. Like, you should not be in the dark.

SPEAKER_00 11:49

I think because of how our marriage works, it shocks me sometimes when I hear sadly accounts of people who are like, Oh, I had no idea we were in this much debt. Or I had no idea that, like, you know, I don't know, I'm trying to think of, and it's not even in my personal life. I'll hear like a radio show, radio. What am I? Such a millennial podcast. Podcast, like my husband was hiding debt from me, or you know, I don't work, so he tells me I don't get to have a hand, and I'm like, What? I'm raising daughters, and I'm going like, what are we doing? What are you doing? Like, oh no.

SPEAKER_02 12:26

Yeah. I I mean, we don't take a lot of hard stands here publicly. We take hard stands, you know, off-air, but I mean unless it's like a regano in your pasta sauce. I was gonna say, I mean, don't put oregano in your pasta sauce, or you're gonna hear about it from some throw down. Yeah, we don't take a lot of hard stances. I will say this is one where it's like if you are in the dark, you're get get in the light. You're so scared. It's very scary.

SPEAKER_00 12:48

It's very generous. You'll think us late later. I think it's cultural, and I'm not judging anybody's no judgment, but you're wrong. What you do, what you do in your home. It's just too scary for me to think of then then what? We've seen too many examples of being in the dark, and it's yeah, and it if you don't contribute financially to your household, if nothing else, we've gone through a whole other episode of all the ways that you do contribute to making your life function, and that is has tremendous value, monetary like value. If you weren't cleaning that home, somebody would be. So that's money, right? All those things, all that to say, who yeah. I had a moment with Chris where I was like, I don't feel like I have all the logins for everything, and just that scared me. Yeah like heaven forbid something happens. I need to have access to everything, I need to know exactly what I'm dealing with. It's overwhelming. It is, and thank God I'm not handling that on my own. Um we're sharing that, but I feel very much like 50-50. I need to know everything, I want to be aware of you know, yeah, that's and I want input. I want to know, like, okay, we have this much money. Oh, here's how I think we should be spending it. I can't imagine having that like imposed on me. Yeah, but again, different generations, different cultures, but also please, please not. Be informed. I mean, everybody does it differently.

SPEAKER_02 14:11

It's not like we're saying, like, you know, go out there and all of a sudden say, like, no, I wanna like what whatever that looks like for you, just be in be informed.

SPEAKER_00 14:19

Yeah, don't be completely in the dark, especially if there's children in the picture. We're kind of uh nodding to moms this week. And I feel like if you're personally not that interested or invested in it, you have to be also protecting them. Yes, you know, so make sure you know.

SPEAKER_02 14:34

This is a good one.

SPEAKER_00 14:35

Not my not my forte, but even even the stretching resources, like stretching resources, but thank God I feel like you know, if that's not a thing for you where you have to stretch resources, thank God. But then you're making sure your resources are working for you in a way that's not like wasteful, or you know what I mean? You're not maybe not like clipping coupons or like cooking cabbage soup with just water.

SPEAKER_02 15:00

I love cabbage.

SPEAKER_00 15:01

Oh no.

SPEAKER_02 15:02

I uh will randomly stretch, I'm not good at it. I try and I try not to be wasteful. I'll just randomly do it and it'll make him so mad, Ryan. Like recently it's about the like coffee, because I'll be like, hey, you want some coffee?

SPEAKER_00 15:13

And he's like it doesn't go the other direction. I thought he was gonna be like, yay, for you.

SPEAKER_02 15:17

No, he'll be like, would you drink? Because I'm like, you didn't drink your coffee. That's the third day in the row. He's like, get off my back. And I'm like, dude, I do double pods in every cup of coffee for you. That's like it's like a three-dollar cup of coffee.

SPEAKER_00 15:29

You're $7.50.

SPEAKER_02 15:30

And he's like that's three days. He's like, Oh, so you do know how to do this? And I'm like, I just know how to point it out. Backfired. When you did something wrong, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:38

You're like, I mean, just whatever, I'll drink your coffee. Right. I told you we're making coffee ice cubes. Like, we are, I don't know, that's just like my brain. It's like, don't waste stuff, figure out a way to use it.

SPEAKER_02 15:48

It's so bad. Like, I'll put stuff in the freezer and then it stays in the freezer for so long that I just throw it away because it got freezer burn. But I'm like, hey, I tried. Tried not to waste it. But rather than throwing it directly in the truck.

SPEAKER_00 15:58

Yeah, there was a step in between. Yeah, I mean, again, I feel like this is an area where you either shine or you don't. You like it, you don't. Yeah. Just the bare minimum would be please don't be ignorant about your financial like well-being in your household. We should do an episode where you give some of your tips.

SPEAKER_02 16:15

Like what? Saving money tip? Saving money, not being wasteful with food, and I'll just sit here and nod. You'll be like, Sounds like a good idea.

SPEAKER_00 16:25

I know, tune her out. Yeah. You'll have headphones on, listening to another podcast.

SPEAKER_02 16:30

It's admirable.

SPEAKER_00 16:30

Yeah, I'll be listening to like all the things you should buy right now. All right, and then you do one about like 11 steps of skincare. Yes. And I'll clip coupons online from Kroger because I'm like, I can't lick, like, I can't care about my skin that much. Yeah. Okay. It's good to, it's good to have relationships where you know your strengths and weaknesses build each other up. I know my weaknesses, that's for sure. Okay, the next one's cute and I love it. Disaster recovery. And I feel like immediately what my what my mind went to, like cleaning up crazy messes, dealing with emergencies. In our last episode, you gave the like dental crisis emergency. Go back and watch that if you didn't see it. But immediately my mind went to like blowout in Costco. When you're like new mom, yeah, new baby. New mom, new baby, or even an educated, well-experienced mom, and this stuff still happens to you, and you're just like, what now? How could I have how could I have handled this any better?

SPEAKER_02 17:28

You and you don't know again again, it's not anything like they like tell you that recovery.

SPEAKER_00 17:33

That's what there were so many times where I was like, I don't, I don't even know what to do. One time I had, I feel like I've said this before, but not on here. I had a baby and I have been through this. Like a blowout always happens at the like least opportune time. So I had backup clothes and a backup, whatever. Shopping at Costco, me and the baby, blowout happens, and I was like, boom, I got this. Isn't that my first rodeo? Like in Costco, you gotta deal with all the things, right? You just throw things away or you get a bag. Then a second blowout happened. And then I had to carry my baby out of Costco just naked in a diaper. Yeah. And I felt like I wanted to make a sign out of toilet paper in the bathroom that said, like, this was our second blow. I tried. I had a spare outfit, and this still happened to me. And then you're just holding a naked baby, and you're like, why do I even leave the house? It was the breastfed babies. I did. I think the it was happening. It was always a blowout. Always a blowout. We have some great stories. Like at church, on my dad's suit, in a restaurant. I always had to bring three outfits. But then as a mom, you're like, Do I have the supplies required to deal with this? Like nobody else is thinking about that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:41

How would you? I w I will not call the kid out. Like, I won't say who, but like Gianni.

SPEAKER_00 18:48

I mean, I just picked one.

SPEAKER_02 18:49

50-50. Both kids were blessed in like silk outfits. And we were still like at church. And I was so nervous that they would either either like you know poop through it or throw up on it. So I told my mom.

SPEAKER_03 19:01

Yeah. All white, all beautiful. My mom bound.

SPEAKER_02 19:04

She they bought both of them, and she the one I'm like, I'm so nervous that they're gonna spit up. So she bought a silk bib. Yeah. And I'm like, well, no. Now we're gonna ruin that. I'm gonna ruin that. The the length that we had to go to, and it was your mom's idea. I won't like it. I won't say we're a child. She was like, well, put maxi pads like up the back. Like past the diaper. Pass the diaper, because the diaper never goes up far enough. I was like, that's brilliant. So I won't say the kid, but the kid had maxi pads up the back because I was like, you can't get it on the silk.

SPEAKER_00 19:35

Like the minister's holding the baby, it's just like crackle and paper. Always a disaster. I know, but then again, mom, what do you have in your bag to deal with this? I'm like, you're just like in the most disgusting situations. Yeah. I was just telling one of our friends, I'm like, oh, I got to the point where I just threw things out. I didn't wash a onesie. You have to get to that for like three months. I was like, what do these cost at Walmart? Yeah. $5.99. I could just like throw it in the garbage.

SPEAKER_02 20:02

Yeah, you have to get there.

SPEAKER_00 20:04

Or like I've heard some great stories about like kids barfing in public, and the parent, like, you know, catches it or something, and I'm just like, oh no.

SPEAKER_02 20:12

Oh, there's I mean, I I what Ava, I still can't believe her friend did it in volleyball. She like dove and the ball, like just the perfect timing hit her nose.

SPEAKER_00 20:22

Like nose, bleeding.

SPEAKER_02 20:24

Gushing blood on the court. And another one of her best friends, Hannah, went like this and was catching the blood. Little mom and training in her hands. So Hannah will be a wonderful mother, right? Catching the blood in her hands. And I like ran up there and I'm disaster. But I was like, well, thank you for this. Because that looks disgusting. Like I took it. What do I have in my birds to deal with this? It's just it's not bigger kids, bigger disasters.

SPEAKER_00 20:49

Oh, I'm trying to think. I do feel like it made me really happy one time that Chris took one of our children shopping and she chose that moment to like barf up blackberries. Eternally. Eternally. Yeah. And I was just like, when he came home, he was like, you won't believe what happened. And like in my guts, I felt a little bit like that's every shopping trip I've ever took for like three months. Like poo and everything. And you're still responsible for the groceries. Like you can't come home with just a naked baby and no food for dinner. So like you just figure it out.

SPEAKER_02 21:26

There's always something to think about, too. I forgot one of the times we left the house, and you know, you're like, you're packing the bag and the snacks and the this, and we're we gotta go to Costco, so I gotta bring something to keep them busy so that I can color the book. We got all the way to the store, I got out of card G I had no shoes on.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

You can't even care at that point. Forget it. You're gonna sit in the cart anyways. People all think it's adorable. Yeah. No, but that's another one of those things when I go in a public restroom and they have a little notice that the changing things are in both. I'm like, woohoo. Yeah. I love it. Good. Yes, good. Feel like also, not you know, there are probably some single dads and stuff who absolutely need access to that stuff, but also just like why, yeah, why were we only putting these in the women's that is a little archaic for a hundred years? Yeah. I just have you ever read those like cute little um we were just talking about some of them, like rage bait for guys or something. I saw another one that was like microaggressions or like little microfeminism things where they were like, When I a waitress, this one was, and I just loved it. I told Chris about it. The waitress was like, When I take a family to a table and they require a high chair, I wait till the dad sits down and I put the high chair right next to the dad. Like, here, you deal with that kid while the mom actually eats a hot meal or whatever. And I was like, Oh, I love her. That's so cute. That's funny. Microaggressions, microfeminism, just on a very small scale, being like, here, divide this labor a little bit. But yeah, oh, restaurants, that's a whole other thing. Oh man.

SPEAKER_02 22:54

Yeah, disaster relief, that's for sure. Hasmat crew, all the stuff. Yeah, and um you're all you have to always be on, always be ready. I'll never forget one of the times I was doing, I was somewhere, I was like in somewhere in the house, and I texted Ava and said, like, how's your day going? And instead of good, she texted back gun. Oh. And I was like, it up the stairs, yeah, in the car, and Red's like, where are you going? I'm like, to the school. And he was like, Why? And I'm I told him, he's like, Well, what are you gonna do? I'm like, just anything!

SPEAKER_01 23:26

What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do here?

SPEAKER_02 23:28

As I'm like literally pulling out of the driveway, my phone dings, so I put it in park look, and she's like, Good, I meant good, and I was like, She knew you were halfway there already. But you have to you just you're always ready, man.

SPEAKER_00 23:39

You're always on call. Oh, yeah. I don't miss those days. It gets a little easier when they get older, I feel like, for hygiene messes, yes, or just being responsible for somebody else's body, top to bottom, inside and out, and everything.

SPEAKER_02 23:52

Yeah, but now with social media and phones and and you know, access to everything, sometimes those disasters look different, and sometimes you don't feel equipped, you know. Yeah, it's a whole new world, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_00 24:05

I know then you'll miss the days of cleaning up just some poop at Costco. All right, how about the next one?

SPEAKER_02 24:15

Next one a life coach mentor guides long-term development, confidence, decision making, independence. Ooh, don't like that one. I know. Role shapes who a child becomes as an adult.

SPEAKER_00 24:28

Yeah, so I feel like uh a little bit of overlap where we were talking about being like an educator, also a counselor in our last episode. But this one I also feel like leans toward. We do have older kids. Yes, and it's almost like you have to teach them to not need you, and that's hard. Because yeah, at the same time, you're like, I don't want them to grow out of this, like needing me. But the biggest sign that you've achieved something is that they don't, they can handle things, but like I don't know. I don't like this one. No, I mean it's necessary but some of the other ones, like decision making, like talking through some of that bigger stuff. Like, like we said, when they're younger, it's a little easier, and then as they get older, thinking about the fact that you're gonna shape what somebody's like, I don't know, how they make decisions or what that's like it's a lot. It's deep. It is, yeah. I don't know. Life coach, I don't love that term. Do you like that? When you see people who are like life coaches, I'm immediately like get a drop. No offense, no offense at all. I think it's the term because I think we need one. I 100% need one. I don't know, where are they? But I feel like we're I don't know. I don't want to tell somebody else, like, you're the expert. Tell me everything that I should be doing.

SPEAKER_02 25:45

I don't know. I feel like I might need this. Like if I show up somewhere and the they're like, Well, who are you? I'll be like, her life coach. They don't let mom in. I'm the life coach. Life coach.

SPEAKER_00 25:55

Could you imagine? They'd be like, wow, these parents these days they have a lot of extra money to burn. I'm sure, yeah. No, but I feel like I got it. I get what it means. I just don't, I think I'm adverse to that like term because it sounds so like wow, what else do people got going on these days?

SPEAKER_02 26:10

Yeah, no, I think that this is another one um where I think you're your village, and I think I'm very open to letting other people in our family, in our close circle, um weigh in here. And sometimes that just makes a point of conversation to say, like, well, yeah, I get that so-and-so said that. Here's what I think about this, you know, whatever, different perspective.

SPEAKER_03 26:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:34

But um, sometimes when it's hard to like look outside of yourself, especially with decision making, like I said, if Ava comes to me and she's being Gina in that moment, you know, it it helps to have somebody else come in and say, like, well, here's how I would go back. Right. You know, if I'm not able to look past my emotion in that moment or whatever, which is very hard to do.

SPEAKER_00 26:53

We talked about that too. Yeah. I love that this also brought up like confidence and decision making. And I was gonna ask you, I keep thinking about this. I don't know why. Well, I know why, but I won't be like super transparent for my kids' sake. Hey, do you feel like some of that is nature or nurture? Like when a girl, I'm gonna say girl just because this is my experience, and I feel like you see it here more, but you do see it with boys. When a girl just like walks into a room and has all this confidence, and sometimes you can see that so early on as a toddler in a preschool room, like they just take over the room or whatever. Is that innate? Is it taught to them? Is it both? Because I'm trying to like sort that all out. Like, can you still teach confidence when kids are much older and whatever? You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 27:40

Yeah, I think you can. What do you think? I think it can be taught, I think it can be nurtured, but I do 100% think that you're you're born with it.

SPEAKER_00 27:49

Like some of it's like baked into the cake, yeah. Yeah, it's just so wild to me. And I was thinking about it watching um girls at like a sporting event and stuff, just the way they carry themselves off the field. Yeah. Sometimes you would think based on the way like they play or whatever, like, oh, I know who's confident or who's like uh aggressive. And then when you see them with their little personalities, like just mixing with each other, with parents, with and it's like some are just like they just like seem like who cares? Yeah, whatever. I'm me, but deal with it. Yeah, and then other people are like looking up, like, oh, are we um what are we doing right now? And I just wonder sometimes like yeah, I wish I could inject it because you can see so clearly from an early age that people who have confidence, whether innately or taught or however it's modeled, just go through the world differently. Yeah, it's easier.

SPEAKER_02 28:45

And I think teaching confidence is is very much about not trying to change who they are, right? But teaching them to be confident in the areas that they feel confident in or strong in it and building on that. But I do think there's just something that certain kids are born with a a little bit extra in that area. Yeah. But then they have other like if you even look at you know, me and my sister to make to take it to a personal level, like it was j it was just very clear, even early on, I was more outgoing. Like extroverted. I was more extroverted. If you put a if you throw us both into a room, right? So all the same genetics, same genetics, same parenting, yeah, just different personality. You know, for the most part, you parent kids a little differently, but for the most part, the same love, the same nurture, you put us both into a room. I'm going to immediately, you know, seem more extroverted. Yeah. But man oh man, if you need someone and you go to her, she's gonna be the one who's gonna like really listen to you, where I might be like, or I might get mad, or I might like, you know, she has so many strengths, so I'm not like saying it in that way, but it was it was just how we were, it's just your personality different from sibling to sibling.

SPEAKER_00 30:02

And I think because I'm raising only girls, I just see how important that is, and I wish that I could like inject it like a shot and just say, like, I promise you, you will just like walk through the world differently if you see what I see, or if you recognize, like you know, whatever. And I just wish that I could I know give them like a pill in the morning.

SPEAKER_02 30:21

Yeah, and I mean, even the most confident everyone has a little insecurity, like yeah, even the most confident personality.

SPEAKER_00 30:27

Yeah, sometimes that's it's like a false whatever it's you're putting it on or something, but like you can truly see sometimes that people are just like I'm good, yeah, it it's me, deal with that, yeah. Like, wow, I wish I had that.

SPEAKER_02 30:39

I know it's a c it's a comfort with yourself, and I think that's the that's the best way to go about it is to teach them to just be comfortable with who they are. I think the minute you start to, like you said, like portraying something false, people pick up on that. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 30:54

Like, and you don't even you know within yourself it's not even real, so then you're like, I'm a fraud now, you know.

SPEAKER_02 31:00

And you don't have to be extroverted. Like my sister now is very confident in who she is, you know. I'm just talking early on, like you could see the extraversion and yeah, but I mean, you know, you you have to just be confident and comfortable in who you are, and I think then that confidence, you know, yeah, and as moms, I feel like we're taking on that responsibility of making sure our kids feel not only like built up and like I see you for who you are, and like it wouldn't change a thing and all that, but also like teaching them explicitly, like you have to do that for yourself too.

SPEAKER_00 31:34

Like, you have to like be proud of whatever, you know, what you're good at things, you're not good at things. Like, I feel like a lot of that falls on us to like teach them, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:42

And that's a very difficult it was a a hard time and a hard phase to do that in because when they're so young and moldable, and all these outsize, you know, you could tell them a million times, well, just be confident in who you are, and they're like, Yeah, great. Well, this whole group of people is telling me that I'm not that great. Like, could you help me there? You know, like I realize it is not, or they're like, You have to say that you're my mom.

SPEAKER_00 32:03

And you're like, Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, and I don't know how to combat that because I can tell you what other people say about you, you won't even believe me because you're like, Yeah, I know, but they like me too. And it's like, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, that's tough stuff. I know. It gets yeah, it gets harder for sure as I get older. Yeah. All right, next one's not so not so heavy. Important. We're on number 12, safety officer. Oh yes, safety officer. Protector sounds better, though. Yeah, I like protector. All right, you read that one for us.

SPEAKER_02 32:35

Child proofs the home, enforces rules, watches out for danger, safety awareness, prevents accidents, and builds trust. Very important.

SPEAKER_00 32:43

Yeah, right off the bat, though, I was like, we did not child proof our home. So I was like, I don't see myself as a safety officer. You don't have a boy. But then I don't but then as we read on further. No, I just I tried to brainwash my kids. Yeah. I was just telling somebody this. Like we never had gates or anything. Like they sleep upstairs, right up at the top of the stairs. My kids, it was like the floor was lava. They could not get out of their beds to the point where it was like they were old enough that it was obnoxious. And I'd be like, just get like on their camera. They'd be like, I'm awake now. And I'm like, Cool, get on the floor and walk in the kitchen.

unknown 33:15

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 33:16

But they're like, You're gonna come get me. I'm awake, right? We we just brainwashed them. Like, you may not leave this bag. Or if you touch that vase, like we didn't take away all our like valuables, we were just like, Yeah. That I didn't do because I was we were just mean, yeah. Like, you will pay.

SPEAKER_02 33:32

That's how I was in certain things. Like, I was very much like, you're not gonna ruin the decor of my house because I have a kid. Like, don't touch this marble thing on the coffee table.

SPEAKER_00 33:40

Don't send them like a people put up their tree and put like a dog fence around it. We were always just like, touch that tree in front.

unknown 33:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:46

But we did, like with Ava, we bought like the little plug plug protectors and stuff, and like cabinet locks, and but we didn't need them with her, and so we didn't really like do it then came Gianni. And I swear it was like the moment he started crawling, crawled right to the socket. What's that? And I was like, Is it the boy thing?

SPEAKER_00 34:05

Like, oh my god, just different personalities, like we just said right there. No, but then the watch is out for danger, yeah. Oh my gosh, and that does not end. You're always looking ahead at like my mom is still texting me datelines. She's like, they're gonna hide under your car, they're gonna slit your ankles like you can't run away. Like, did you see this news story? The passenger site, yeah. Or like I Googled that thing that you mentioned. Remember when you said your eyes were dry or something? You're like, oh man, don't Google it, mom. I know, I know. Yeah, never ends. I mean, for sure, that's a burden that we're I don't know. I would love we should have had a dad on here. I guess we could have pulled one of our husbands. Do you feel like their brain is consumed with all the things that are potentially dangerous in the course of a day for their kid or something? No, no, no, no.

unknown 34:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 34:54

I hate to gender everything, but like, no, right? Like they're not like to the extent that we are, thinking about all the potential dangers. And like what when Ava started driving, how was that?

SPEAKER_02 35:08

Uh I mean, he she obviously preferred to drive with him when she was like learning. He was a little bit more like laid back, yeah. I was always like, but personality. Yeah. He's good at you know, compartmentalizing. There were things he were he worries more than you would think. He's just better at like hiding it. Um, it's just he doesn't allow I go off, I go off the rails with all the things that go back.

SPEAKER_00 35:34

Well, because it's like you're anticipating too. Like it might not be a danger right now, but like down the road, I see. Yeah, I feel like that's what we just were laughing about when you drive in the car and you're like the uh what do they call it? Backseat driver. Not even with your teen, your husband. Yeah. And you're like, they're merging. But I actually saw a video that's on like you women are more in tune to like small things in their environment that would, and maybe that is the way we're wired because we're caregiving. I'm always like cop, cop, cop. Oh cops. I wish somebody would spot cops for me. No, I'm always like his blicker's on, his blickers on, he's moving, he's moving. And Chris is like, I see him. And I'm like, I don't feel like you saw them as early as I did. They break too late. Uh, just all the things, but it felt very validating because I don't know, there was some science there where it was like, no, we were actually like more in tune to subtle things in the environment that would impose danger. And I was like, I need to send this to like everybody I know. I'm not just like a spazz. No in the car. That's normal. That's normal. But I do feel like that's something maybe we're better at as like anticipating.

SPEAKER_02 36:35

Yeah. Like, and I think it's you know, it's normal, but it's also personality-wise. Like, I know I take it too far to the point where like we were leaving a restaurant um Sunday evening and we were coming out of the restaurant, and my kids, for whatever reason, I'm sh I guess all kids probably do this, but they've always wanted to like race each other. Okay. And like even at this age, just running race. Yeah, because one will say, like, well, I'm faster than you now. Like, you know, and so you know, again, Gianni was like, I'm faster than you, and she's like, Oh yeah. So they're like, Let's race. So they like took their shoes off barefoot.

SPEAKER_00 37:07

Oh yeah, you're waiting for somebody to face plant.

SPEAKER_02 37:09

Literally. So they start, they gave me all their shoes and everything, and Ryan's like, All right, ready, set. And I was like, there's no trip. And I'm like, look all for the cars. We just got your braces off. Yeah, and he's protect those beautiful teeth, let them have some fun. I'm like, Well, what have they done?

SPEAKER_00 37:24

Oh my gosh. I have this to the extent where, and I've told you, uh we go to an amusement park, and I'm like, you can go on that ride with daddy. Like, mama doesn't like big coasters, but it's not even that I don't like them. It's like I think I will be the one person who falls out of their buckle or whatever. So it's very hard for me to not pass that on. I know. Who I'm always walking a fine line. I'm not doing that great. I can tell because my kids are like, Yeah, I don't think I'm doing great either. No, I'm trying, I'm dialing it back. Yeah, I'm baby stepping. But I'm like, I don't know. I just wish I had a brain who was not like constantly scanning the environment for danger, but yeah. Safety officer, somebody you gotta have one. I know it's our job to keep everybody safe. It's our literal drop down. Jets can be fun because moms are the safety officer, right? This is our job. When Chris, oh, I'm gonna out him again every time, but like he would run down the stairs holding our baby. Yeah. Like it was just his normal rhythm of like, you know, when I don't know, you just don't walk downstairs, you go like boop, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. I feel like you know, right, Ryan does it. Yeah, but he's a ninja. I would always be like, be careful. Like, you're walking really hard this morning to woke me up. Yeah. And I would be like, What is your hurry? Like, why are you and he's like, What is your problem? I've not fallen down these stairs once, like by myself with the baby. And I'm like, but why would you why would you push it? Yes, like just constantly, like, what's what could potentially be dangerous? Yeah. Oh man.

SPEAKER_02 38:48

Uh oh, I like the next one. Cheerleader, motivator, encourages effort, celebrates wins, supports during failures, positive reinforcements, helps build self-esteem. We're just talking about the self-esteem thing.

SPEAKER_00 39:02

That's big. But I love cheerleader.

SPEAKER_02 39:03

Yes. Say more about that because you were an actual cheerleader. Say more, yeah, like a hundred years ago, but super I very important role, I think. Um encourages effort stands out to me. I really like that one. Yeah. Yeah. I think that like acknowledging the effort that a lot like goes into anything that you're doing, even with if the outcome isn't how you wanted it to be, I think is like a really good uh life lesson. Celebrating wins.

SPEAKER_00 39:31

I mean, that's I feel like both that's easier to it is easy to celebrate a win than to be like, yeah, that was brutal. But I'm proud of how hard you like whatever worked on it or support during failure and positive reinforcement.

SPEAKER_02 39:45

Those kind, those are that's hard because it's hard to see your kid down. It's hard to see things down failure the way they want to do it.

SPEAKER_00 39:51

And it's also hard not to be disappointed and be like, well, did you try hard enough? Do you know what I mean? I feel like I'm I tend to be like more critical than a cheerleader. It is not my natural disposition to be like, Well, good for you, look at how hard you tried. I'm always like, but did you study enough, do you think? Or you know what I mean? So I sometimes can see this role being so easy for me, but like when things are going easier. Like if you're at a game and you're winning and your kids doing great, or they take a test and they do amazing. But when yes, when they're struggling or whatever, you still have to be that little voice that's like, Will you tried? And like, you know, I don't know. That's definitely not something that comes very natural to me.

SPEAKER_02 40:36

No, and and motivator, I mean, that's you know, that's it's a big role and it's heavy because there are plenty of times where you know, your kids they do, they look to you, and if something's going wrong, like I do think part of this is like keeping up um not a false appearance, but like being their safety net, like encouraging them, like it's it we're it's okay, we're gonna get through this, and that's difficult when you don't know how you will, yeah, or what that'll look like, right? But when they're still young and and learning how to navigate these things, you can't fall apart in front of them, you know. I can't. I know it's uh I walk away, I walk away a lot. That's good.

SPEAKER_00 41:16

I feel like I see so many cute videos and stuff, and I do like I feel like I have glimpses of this, but it's something I want to actively work on where it's like I didn't hear who wasn't cheering for me because I could always hear my mom the loudest, or you know, I didn't notice who wasn't rooting for me because then I'm always like I could probably do better with that. Yeah, I don't know. Again, it's it's just something I have to like work on, especially when they're struggling with something or whatever, instead of like life lessening them or like, well, we should have studied harder or whatever. It's like, okay, well, you're gonna get it next time. Emerging, yeah. Yes. I feel like my default is to be like, well, let's fix that. Yeah, what did you do wrong? Instead of being like, Okay, well, you got this, you're a smart kid, we're gonna figure it out. Like, I have to work on that a little bit more. Yeah, I definitely want to be that mom who's like, You are the loudest one in the gym.

SPEAKER_02 42:07

I am but like sometimes when things are great. The name cheerleader, you know, it it is. It's an even when you're if you think about that role specifically, you're encouraging the team, but you're also encouraging the crowd to say, like, hey, come on, we're all one great.

SPEAKER_00 42:25

Also, you're still cheerleading if they're down like 47-0, right? Right. I mean, I don't know because nobody ever taught me like a good cheerleader does this or whatever, but I'm saying, like, you don't quit when the game looks bad. Right. So that's an important lesson. It is, it is a lot harder when the stakes are higher and it's not just like a football game or whatever.

SPEAKER_02 42:43

But yeah, no, incur and being encouraging is is not always easy, but it's so important. Because I'm sure how many times can we all look back at our own experience and think, like, man, that was a tough time, but like our parents didn't they didn't make us feel that's what I was gonna say.

SPEAKER_00 42:58

Like, looking forward, what I would want my kids to be like. Uh, one thing I remember is that my mom was always like in my corner, or she always like, you know, not that you're gonna defend them if they're in the wrong or something, but like, man, it got rough and she was there, and I could look at her and know that like whatever it was we would get through. Yeah, she wasn't panicking or also angry or whatever.

SPEAKER_02 43:21

I don't know about the angry and the panic part. I'm not doing so great there, but I do know my kids can always say, like, she was there, like personal development. I don't work on this. Yeah, there was like a a reel or a TikTok or something that somebody said, like, you know, oh, okay, yeah, you want me to call my mom? I'll call my mom. I feel like I got that part down. Like my kids will be like, cool, yep, I'll call my mom. Right. You're gonna regret that. Right. Yeah, I got that down, but the whole p the it's hard not to panic sometimes. No, I know.

SPEAKER_00 43:49

Yeah, but it's a but being that like little inner or the the other, oh gosh, why do they hit you with all the mom guilt? There's always like a saying that you're like, Oh man, I'm not doing that right. And they're like, You're Voice becomes their inner voice, kind of thing. Like what you say to them will determine how they talk to themselves to some extent. And it feels so heavy to have that like responsibility. But I feel like, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. They trust you, they're looking at you. Like, am I okay? Is this like you know what I mean? And you're going, Yeah, you're fine. Like, you got this. Yep. And then they go, like, yeah, I'm fine. I got this. And you're like, oh man, I gotta remember. That is pretty, it's a pretty big responsibility. Yep. Working on it, working on it.

SPEAKER_02 44:30

Ava used to lay in her crib and go, it's okay. I'm okay. Oh, it's okay. I'm okay. You were smart. It was kind. I know. I love that one. All right. All right. Hit us with the last one.

SPEAKER_00 44:41

Oh man. Also heavy. Role model. Leader by example. Demonstrates behavior, work ethic, and values through actions. I don't know. Do you just want to wrap it up? Because I don't want to talk about this. I'm always like, are you on your phone again? She's like, you're on your phone. I know. But this is important. Are you? Did you stop looking at your phone to ask me if I'm on my phone? Like, right? Uh I'm just a girl too. Kids often we know this. Nobody needs to be told, but kids often learn more from what they see than what they're told.

SPEAKER_02 45:11

They just said to Gianni in the car the other day, I was like, shut your eyes. Don't watch what I'm about to do right here. Because he's starting driver's training in like a couple weeks. Oh my god. Lord help me. But I was like, please shut your eyes because you you cannot do this ever. Like I've been driving for like 27 years or something like that. I'm like, shut your eyes, do as I say, not as I do.

SPEAKER_00 45:30

That used to work. I feel like that was a line. Oh, everybody knew it was garbage. Do as you do as I say, not as I do. No, it's both. It's both. It's too much. It's too heavy.

SPEAKER_02 45:41

Come on. We're being too hard on ourselves. At the end of the day, we're good role models. You know why? Because we're showing them that like nobody's perfect. That's what I want my kids. I want my kids to see like, you know what? At the end of the day, why might want to cry again? She my mom tried. She loved us. It was messy sometimes. It was real messy. People get it wrong sometimes. But she tried. And man, I can't wait for the day when some of the tough stuff happens with their kids. Because that's when you start to feel like, okay, I get it now different. You two one day will want to get on the bus in your bathroom. Like it's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_00 46:12

And fight a teenager.

SPEAKER_02 46:13

You probably won't do it, but you're gonna want to.

SPEAKER_00 46:16

If it's been modeled to them, listen. No, we tried. So true though. And I think that's why moms in particular, and again, I'm gendering and I'm I'm generalizing, dads do it too. But why our job feels so like nonstop because it's like, what am I doing right now? That's like, am I teaching them the wrong thing? Am I you know what I mean? Like you're constantly reassessing yourself while you're living your life to make sure that you're being the best role model or whatever, and it's just exhausting.

SPEAKER_02 46:47

It's exhausting. So let's, you know, end on the note of give yourself some grace because being a mom is not just one title, it's multifaceted. It's so many things, as we've shown in the past two episodes. So give yourself some grace and uh and give your mom a nice mother's day gag. Give your mom a nice mother's day gag. Whoever makes her heart happy, or whoever's gonna be. She's trying so hard. Yes, she's just a girl, too. She's just a girl doing all of this for the first time. So appreciate uh yourself and everyone around you.

SPEAKER_00 47:19

Yeah, shout out to all the moms. Like you said, too. If you've listened to this, this, like these last few episodes this far, and you're not even like an a mom right now or whatever. Like, whoo, shout out to all the people that are like showing us by example, or we're sending our kids to you and saying like, oh, please go ask so-and-so. She's got such a good story about that. You know what I mean? The ants. None of us are doing this alone. No, thank God for that. No, but the aunts, the best friends, the cousins, everybody, everybody.

SPEAKER_01 47:53

All right. Happy Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day to everyone. Yeah. Thanks for coming by. Thank you again for being with us. Yeah. And we'll see you later. Bye.