SOCIAL STUDIES: Carey Fountain

What does it look like to build a social life around people who actually know you — not the version you're performing? Carey Fountain has thought a lot about this. In this "Social Studies" interview, we talk to Carey, a Birmingham artist, musician, and creator of Wild Card, who went from a shy kid to someone who genuinely believes we have more in common with each other than we think. Now, he's dedicated his career and creative pursuits to exploring how we take more social risks with one another. We talk about vulnerability in male friendships, what "real" even means anymore, and why he thinks the thing making you most uncomfortable might be exactly where you're supposed to go. 

On Substack: https://open.substack.com/pub/thegatheringlab/p/social-studies-carey-fountain?

Learn more about Carey's work:

• Vibes and Virtues
• Wildcard Art Experience
• Follow on Instagram

Social Studies is a recurring series on The Community Optimist where we pull back the curtain on real people's social lives - the ways they gather, the people who matter to them, and what the heck they do on a Saturday night - to help us feel more hopeful about the future of how we connect. 

Learn more about Janet's work at The Gathering Lab: thegatheringlab.com

For Social Studies profiles, questions, and more — find us on Substack at thegatheringlab.substack.com

Want to be part of the conversation? Send us a voice memo with a question you're sitting with, something you're navigating in your social life, or a win you want to share — and yours might just show up in a future episode. Reach us at janet@thegatheringlab.com.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What are we all doing on Saturday nights? Why is it so hard to move past the surface level with each other? And what does building real friendship at community look like in our busy, disconnected world? I'm Janet King, and this is The Community Optimist, where we explore how to build deeper connection in the modern world with a lot of curiosity and a lot of optimism. Welcome. Hello and welcome back to The Community Optimist. I am excited to be continuing our series of social studies with another friend of mine, Carrie Fountain. He is an artist, an entrepreneur, a musician here in Birmingham, also a dear friend and a co-collaborator, a co-conspirator, if you will. He and I dream, create, play in a very similar space, as he's also asking big questions about what is the future of how we connect and what will that require from us as individuals and collectively. And I have loved watching him bring his vision to life here in a few different ways. Lately, his wildcard experience, which I highly recommend checking out and we'll link to in our podcast episode notes. But what I really love most about Carrie is how open and accepting he is, and his belief in our capacity to have hard conversations with each other across all backgrounds. And his belief in our capacity to do this gives me belief in my capacity to do this. And I find we just tend to have very bold, exciting conversations because of that. So he um is also just a cool guy, and from a voyeuristic standpoint, I was so curious to hear how some of these concepts that he plays out in his art and his work show up in his day-to-day life, his social life, his friendships. So I hope you enjoy this episode and walk away feeling a little bit more inspired, as I always do whenever I meet with Carrie. Enjoy. Welcome, Carrie. Thanks for being here. I'm so glad you're here with me today.

SPEAKER_01 2:10

Yeah, I'm glad to be here too. This is really exciting. Um, yeah, excited to talk.

SPEAKER_00 2:17

So uh you're a friend of mine, and but also of uh someone who inspires me. I have loved uh getting to know you and watching what you build in the world. And so I especially love like we dream and play and kind of create in the similar space. And what I have loved seeing from you is your point of view on a lot of these issues uh shared through art. Um and what I just went through your, you know, spoiler alert, it went to one of your experiences, and what I was really struck away, struck with was um your vision around us seeing that we have maybe more in common than we think, and your belief in us to have hard conversations with strangers. So I'm inspired and um excited to, from a curiosity standpoint, just kind of hear what you do in your social life, but also hopefully pull out some of those themes as well in today's conversation. How's that sound?

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Sounds great.

SPEAKER_00 3:20

Right. Well, easy one to start off. What did you do last Saturday night?

SPEAKER_01 3:25

Yeah, so last Saturday was the launch of Wildcard, which is something I was really excited to to really get out there. Um this was a project that I've been working on for the past for the past two years, this specific project, but it's kind of a culmination of the work that I've been doing. So last Saturday was kind of a test or run um to see what it is to people and how it's resonating. Um so yeah, it was it was really exciting to bring it about and kind of see it to come into fruition.

SPEAKER_00 3:57

I'm gonna go ahead and guess that is not a typical Saturday for you. Um but how did how was the event? What were you left with?

SPEAKER_01 4:08

So I was really um, I think from the event, I was just really pleased with the diff all the chatter I heard. Um I really I like like I saw so many different people I knew coming into the space, a few I didn't know prior to that, but I felt like everyone left with a new friend or somebody like at least if they saw some this person out in public, this stranger that they just met, they would at least say hello and feel like they can have a conversation with. Um so yeah, I was I was really pleased with it. What did you think about it?

SPEAKER_00 4:52

I loved it. It was the event I was referring to in the in the opening. Um, yeah, I felt like each conversation was better than the next. You know, I just felt the people in the room were so interesting, but um I really left thinking a lot about how our capacity to talk to each other, especially around hard things, is a form of activism. Because to the extent that we believe we can do it or are afraid to do it, it keeps us isolated and kind of at the whim of the powers that be, if you will. But your event left me feeling like to the extent that we can remember this is actually we can do this and it's okay, and we can still walk out of the room having made a new friend or a new connection. Like there felt like there's like an untapped power in that that we are missing out on right now. And I don't know if that was your intention, but that's how I felt um in that. So I loved it.

SPEAKER_01 5:49

Yeah, I think like um a lot of what we're seeing in the world right now is just simply people just not speaking. Um like our parents' generation, they didn't have the luxury of being able to hide behind a screen. They had to go out and interact with the real world and deal with people who thought completely different of them and make it work. So the whole purpose um of Wildcard is really to kind of just throw people into that environment. The questions are very are meant to be provocative, are meant to be, um, in some cases, could seem controversial. Um But the the the whole point of doing that Can you give us an example question? Um, let's see, I would say trying to think of like a favorite theme. Uh, okay, for Patriot Paradox, which is one of the themes, what makes you proud to be an American now? Like, name some things that make you proud to be an American. I think, and and the whole purpose of like that question was I I hear so much talk of people, and I've had conversations with many, many people, regardless of their backgrounds, their political beliefs about how much they can't stand America, how they're not proud of America right now. So I thought it would be interesting to flip that. And and so, so you're forced to think about hmm, what do I like about my country that I was in most cases born in, um, that I have lived my whole life, that maybe my parents and their parents have lived. What can I say positive about that? Because in in the fact that you have to confront that it's hard for you to think of positive things to say about that, it's going to bring up a conversation with others and dialogue with others that's going to make you have to think why. Um and, you know, I think also behind the other part piece of wildcard that was really that I was really experimenting with and curious to see how it resonated was the incentivizing the dialogue, you earning these vibe tokens, um, and kind of seeing how that would work. Because if you get a challenge that says, you know, find someone else, find a stranger you don't know, and ask them um who's a woman in their life that has helped make them who they are. Um, you know, that's that's putting you in a situation where you have to go up and approach a stranger, which is probably uncomfortable to you, but you're trying to earn a reward because you're like, oh, well, I can use these tokens to buy stuff, I can use these vibe tokens to, oh, I don't, I don't feel like spending money to buy a drink, or I want to buy uh a card game, or I want to buy, you know, some merch. You mean I can get that for free if I get enough of these tokens? Okay, but now I have to actually step out of my comfort zone and and do this thing. So I mean, the whole idea is like how much how much value can we assign to that action, to actually um to taking a social risk, you know, in a way.

SPEAKER_00 9:10

So I think it's fascinating. Do you are you someone who takes social risks? Like, are you the guy in the coffee shop talking to a stranger? Do these conversations come with your friends? Like, what does that look like for you in Carrie's life on a day-to-day?

SPEAKER_01 9:27

Yeah, I um I love um, but I I don't do it as much anymore, which I which I should. But one of my favorite things to do, which I really like um used to do, especially in college a lot, was I would love to go to bars or go to social settings completely by myself and and have to push myself to meet people. Um and it was, and I only did that because I realized I used to get really nervous about approaching people or talking to people. So um I began to, I was, I was, I I just wanted to throw myself out there and I began to really enjoy that and really like that. Um and I think there's a lot of oh sorry, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 10:12

Two questions about that. Why were you nervous? Start there. What made you nervous about approaching people?

SPEAKER_01 10:18

Just worrying what people think, you know, like um worrying how I come across to people, um, thinking that it could lead to something catastrophic, um, that I can embarrass myself. Um, you know, and then and I think after enough times embarrassing yourself, you realize it's not really that big of a deal.

SPEAKER_00 10:43

Totally. Yeah. Um, I think we're both in the business of just continuing to embarrass ourselves and realize it's it's fine. Um, but that I asked partly because, you know, I it's surprising to me to hear that you are someone who would have been nervous because to me, you know, knowing you now, like you seem so comfortable in in every social setting. And there's something humanizing to me about that. That's like even Carrie, who's really cool, gets nervous or would get nervous talking to people. But it sounds like you also really started to enjoy it. What was enjoyable about it? What did you learn?

SPEAKER_01 11:18

Yeah, I I think it was like be feeling like I wasn't held back by that anymore, became liberating. Um, I used to be like a really shy kid. Um like I would, I would, if I was really comfortable with someone, I could open up, but it was really hard for me to get to get there. Like I remember in high school, my freshman year, it it took a while for me to like actually gain friends. And then once I started to like gain friends, then I would I would still kind of struggle with like, okay, people think of me as an extroverted person, but I really am not, like, I I really don't know how to engage. Like, I was so worried about what people think about me, and I was so worried about impressing others and that kind of thing. And um and just self-doubt. There's a lot of self-doubt mixed in there, and I think I just wanted to liberate from that. I also think be like music has helped a lot because I think in order to, in order to create music, you have to be a good, you have to be able to listen. So um, I just kind of hermited myself at one point in time, especially just going through different traumatic things with like the passing of my mother in high school. Like I really just became like a hermit in just putting, like, really falling in love with art. And almost to a point to where I didn't know how to socially engage with others because I didn't know. I all I knew was like just oh, go put it into art, go write something about it, and then just hide it from the world and just go out and act like everything's okay and don't speak your mind. Um and I think um, yeah, I think others deal with that too. I think I think I I started realizing, hey, and that was what the liberation came from, was hey, this is not this is not just a uh thing you you deal with. Like, I think, you know, and and that kind of was comforting realizing that it's not just uh um a weird thing that I was going through.

SPEAKER_00 13:27

Yeah, I have so many thoughts. I I I think you're right. Like the more you I think first realizing like I'm not the only one who is worried about how people think about me or is afraid of you know what I might say, if I might say the wrong thing. But also, um, as I have done more and more of this, and it sounds like you have there's this word that keeps coming to mind is like, I feel sturdy in social situations. And even heading to your event, I'm like, I'm going somewhere, you know, where I'm not gonna know anybody. And I know Carrie's gonna have us talking about some hard questions questions, and I don't feel nervous at all. Like, what is that about? And I think what I realized is like, I feel like very sturdy in myself and very comfortable. Like, I trust myself in the social situation to show up in the way that I would value. And I let everyone else off the hook to like show up in a certain way to make me feel comfortable, if that makes sense. Like I was really just open to whoever was gonna be there, whatever they were gonna say, and trust in my own center in that as well. And I'm curious if that is how you would describe what you feel um, you know, socializing these days, or if that's changed.

SPEAKER_01 14:36

Yeah, that uh I I definitely feel that um, you know, I I think tr like you said, trusting your own center um is really important. I think it's it's frightening to to to trust, to have that trust. Um, for me, it comes it's it's like all about the spirit. And you know, um, I really like I like to stress like there's no way, in my personal opinion, to do that without like having a belief that there's something bigger out there, there's something bigger than you. So there's value in your intuition, there's value in your interest, there's value in your passions that because that was something that you could you were born with, you know, like um, you know, so I think like having that realization is like kind of helped me a lot. It just was the journey to get there because I rebelled against that idea a lot. Um, I don't know, what about you? How have how like when you talk about finding comfort in your center? Because as long as I've known you, you're very you come across always really confident and intentional in how you say and how you think. And it's like it's surprising for me to hear that, like you said with me, with socializing may have been um an issue, or sometimes you may feel nervous. How how have you gotten to a point to where you can go to a random event in Inslee that you know some some random some dude invited you to and and not feel nervous? How how what was your evolution to get to that point?

SPEAKER_00 16:13

Well, flipping the script on me. You can't help yourself, can you? Um you know, I was actually a really shy kid too. And in fact, I have a vivid memory. I think I was in fifth grade, and I raised my hand to answer a question, and my teacher gave me like the reward stance because she had never seen me raise my hand. Like she was like, Janet is raising your hand to speak up, like, way to go, Janet, because I was so nervous to say something and say the wrong thing. So um I have worked through that shyness myself, and really I think the root of it was this fear of being misunderstood or judged and not not being enough in some way. And honestly, I've talked a little bit about this on the podcast, but where I'd say that center really has just I've started to build out more trust with it over the past five years, really, and partly through my journaling practice, where I started to touch, touch down on some part of me that was wiser and calmer and accepting and trusting. Um and it's where I can like kind of play out a lot of my intentions and really think about the moves I'm making in my life, whether that's the conversations I had with my husband the night before that I was like, that didn't feel good. Why? Like, or you know, running into someone in the community and like you are at the coffee shop, like that felt really inspiring. Why? You know, really it was my place to form a relationship, honestly with myself. And I've started to really believe that the relationship you have yourself is the most important one that then informs how you can relate to others. And so the more trusting and loving I am with me, the more clear I am with me, I feel like the more I can give that to other people. But that's really only happened in the past several years. Um and then you see yourself respond to difficult situations. I think like now I know I have a muscle because someone says something that makes me uncomfortable. Like, I know how I can handle that. And I also know I can give them grace to say maybe they didn't meet it that way. Like I've just seen myself respond enough in tricky situations. But to your point, like if we aren't even giving ourselves the chance to do that, if we are withdrawing, if we aren't interacting, then we I think can easily believe the story that we can't do it or it's too hard. Um, or we're the only ones, and it's just not true.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

Yeah. Yeah, what what I've kind of come to realize now, like in my own life, is the thing that makes me the most uncomfortable is the direction I'm supposed to go. Like, and I've you know, I've like kind of learned that the hard way, but even when I like look at my life in hindsight, everything I've I've gotten to at one point was like daunting, was like, oh man, oh being talking in front of people, you know, I would kind of run from it. Um, and I think like we there's a culture about convenience that is like really detrimental in our society and fast food and and just like the quick and easy way out. Um, you know, and I I and and I think so much of that holds us back from being able to pursue and and and deal with and sitting with uncomfort. Um, I think there's a lot of good, more good than bad that comes from uncomfort and discomfort. I mean, um, so like I'm always kind of trying to look for what makes me uncomfortable, like what right now is making me uncomfortable, and like and always trying to search for those things in my life. Because I I also on a spiritual perspective of it, you know, I think we're we're infinite beings. We're we're meant to be infinite. God wants us to be infinite and and see ourselves in infinite and as infinite. So we're always supposed to like break down those barriers that hold us back from limitlessness. Um you know, so I I wonder how much convenience um holds back that and holds back um society. And and also too, I think it's I I don't think it's getting better. I think um you don't even have to meet someone to date like in person to date now, like you can swipe on a phone and and and find someone you spend the rest of your life with.

SPEAKER_00 20:30

Um so you don't even have to date a person. You can now date a company vibe.

SPEAKER_01 20:36

So it's really interesting times because I also wonder, speaking of AI, kind of like how that plays into everything because it is artificial. And like, what is real anymore? Um like we were just having a conversation before this about uh liquid modernity, and that just kept playing in my head. Like, what is what is real? Like what is real anymore? Um, is it is it this persona that we that we put online? Is it is it this image? Is it this is the package more real than the product? Um, which I I kind of think it is leaning that way. The way you present yourself almost has more value than who you are, um, unfortunately. And how do we create systems? How do we and and and part of that is my thinking with the vibe tokens and wildcard is like what you are is is worth more than it has value as a currency because anyone can have hundreds and thousands of dollars um and be, you know, a a soulless human being. But like what does it mean to like be in this place right now where where so much of what we are is about what we present instead of like what we embody?

SPEAKER_00 22:01

Yes, big question. So speaking of real, what is real? What are the ways like on a weekly basis that you are around real people? What does that look like?

SPEAKER_01 22:12

Yeah. Well, where do you find community? It also I I think it also comes it it comes down to again, like what is a real person? Um because if we're being honest, we're all walking contradictions all the time. Um and and I guess real for me would be people that know that and can admit that and and and are comfortable with growth and comfortable with change and and like hey, I may like red one day, today I like blue. Um because I think there's a lot of tribalism that exists, and it's easy to kind of fit into these these boxes and say, okay, well, I'm Republican, I'm Democrat, I gotta, I gotta go like this, or I'm white, I'm black, I gotta, you know, I gotta think like this, or I have, you know, so um I don't even know. Uh I don't I I guess when I when I spend time with real people, I spend I I think definitely family, and then um just you know, like people like yourself and and doing things like this, and um people I meet out I I really just I really try to submit to the intuition piece and just kind of like, well, I just I don't know, I like something about that person. I don't know what it is, I can't name it, but I just there's a connection there. Like I'm going for it. Um and yeah, and I think those are what I've noticed is I have a lot of interesting people in my life and from all different backgrounds, beliefs, and but but I know they they they have love for me and that and I have love for them, and that feels a lot better than where I used to be, I think, because I had a ton, a ton of people around me who, you know, wouldn't didn't really give a damn, you know, about me. But you know, I was so stuck on trying to perform and be this, be this person I thought I was supposed to be.

SPEAKER_00 24:13

And how something I'm trying to wrap my own head around is like, you know, I only know my own social life, right? And like how often I am or am not seeing my friends, how often I am or am not throwing parties. Like I make the you know, I know our social lives have changed a lot over the past several decades where we used to gather a lot more naturally and frequently. How often do you see your friends? And is it in the ways and at the frequency that you like? Do you see your friends as often as you would like to?

SPEAKER_01 24:45

Definitely not. Definitely not. Um, but also too, I have grace with it because I think everybody's everyone has life going on, you know, whether it be kids and busy schedules. Um and but no, I definitely wish I could see some of my friends more. Um also there's a distance part that plays into that. Like one of my best friends lives in Virginia, so and we can talk on the phone, but seeing him is hard, and he has two kids, so um there's a little bit I give him a lot of grace. Um so yeah, I I think, yeah, I think, and I wonder if it's the same. I mean, is it the same for you as well, or do you feel like you see your friends uh enough?

SPEAKER_00 25:34

I feel like I'm getting there, but um I've s I think I've certainly struggled with the busyness of people's life and the vulnerability also of being someone who's like, hey, can we all hang out? And then no one can, you know, or um really wanting like you know, those days where you have you're having a bad day and you're just like I really wish I could see a friend right now, but then maybe not even like putting out that offer because you're you know, it's like no one's gonna be able to meet last minute and blah, blah, blah, blah. And so those are the feelings I've certainly felt in my social life. Um and I had when you were saying, you know, the distance is a big part of it, I think that is true too. What um I think giving grace is like something I try to do as well. How has your social life changed in the past five years? Does it look like it did five years ago, or is it different?

SPEAKER_01 26:29

It's definitely different. I think it's more quality than quantity now. Um I think I had a lot of friends. I I I used to have people at my house like every I used to come home to my house and not even be like, oh, hey, what's your name? I don't even know you. Because I had like roommates and we would they would just bring people over. Um so definitely different. And then I mean I had a son five years ago, um, but definitely in a different stage of my life now. Um I'm married as well, so it's like just a different um different type of friend group. So, but it's a lot more equality now. I think everyone I have in my life, I feel again, like it's it's it's a genuine love, genuine connection. And I think I'm searching, I'm more open to having friends, but I'm not more open to looking for friends, if that makes sense. Like I don't, I don't try to, I don't believe in like going out, hey, you want to be friends? I don't believe in that, but I'm also want to so it's more so wanting to put myself in environments where I know I'm going to be around people that are going to challenge me and push me and finding friends and building bonds in that naturally and like organically. You know.

SPEAKER_00 27:54

Is there an example of something, an environment you've chosen, or something you participate in, or a ritual you have that gives you that?

unknown 28:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:04

I mean, a few things came to mind. So definitely like like entrepreneurship. Um you know, I work with some different people for um like wildcard vibes and virtues and and my music, and and I've and they're also like similar-minded, and maybe I work with them through business, but we've have built up a bond and continuing to build a bond that is turning into like a friendship. Um or even places like I j I joined a church simply for that because um, you know, the church that I joined, it I was attracted to the community of the church. And to, and I and I and I thought, wow, like I really kind of admire a lot of the people in this church, and I want to be a part of this community um and be around other young folks that are also trying to like follow God and and and so I want to I just want to insert myself in that community. I didn't go out trying to like make friends at the church and say, like, hey, we should be friends, because all that's gonna happen organically if I show up 100% myself in all these different environments. Um so really I think that's kind of like my my thinking is like find environments, find things that whatever it is that interests you. Or for example, like my gym, you know, I go to I go to a boxing gym. Um, and I love, I I've built, I've been going there for over four years, and I've built built like really strong bonds with the guys in the gym. Like a few of them are actually there at the event. Um and because these are I just I I want to insert myself in environments and and places and and things that may fill my interest. And then I think through that organically, you will you will meet other people. It's just a matter of like being, I think vulnerability is is is what I am learning as well, is is like really important. Um, I think there's a there's a when you're vulnerable, other people feel like they can be vulnerable back to you. And then that's how relationships form. That's how bonds form organically at that point.

SPEAKER_00 30:26

Yes, I sounds like you've been listening to the formula. If vulnerability is a big piece of it and it's contagious when you lead with it, we want to lead to respond, and that's how we build trust. I'm curious, as a man, like I think there's a narrative that men have a harder time being vulnerable. Can you give me an example of a small way you maybe introduce some vulnerability at the gym or how this has actually looked or sounded like for you? Um, especially in, I don't know, male-to-male friendships or places.

SPEAKER_01 31:00

Yeah, I think like I'm I'm the type of male friend that like I'll just say sorry because I know I might sometimes I'll get on my high horses, I'll speak with conviction and and realize later, uh, was that really the horse you wanted to die on? And and it and egos may clash, because like we all got egos. I'm not gonna act like I don't have an ego either. Um, so sometimes with what I've learned with like my guy friends is just apologize. I think it gets hard. There's always this awkward moment, like if you get into like a passionate debate and things go left, then you know, it's like we're we're gonna see who who can go the longest without saying sorry. And I've just kind of like recently I I try to practice that. Like, for example, me and my I have two my brother and my cousin, we're always getting in debates all the time, passionate debates, because we we disagree on a lot of things. But um, you know, sometimes if it goes, if I feel like it's getting a little bit too personal or it's kind of, you know, getting too far, I'm like, okay, let me let me step back. And yes, there's things I can I can say things, and my ego may want me to say things to fight back, but you know what? I'm gonna step back and and and say, I'm sorry, like my bad. I should, you know, I shouldn't have did that. I didn't my bad if I rubbed you the wrong way by saying that. Um, so I think, yeah, like that's a big piece, especially with with guys. I think like what I've learned with my guy friends is is apologizing. I don't I think like with with in my um women friends, there's not the same amount of struggle with like apology. You know, so there's not it the ego isn't as big, so it's not as like um it usually it doesn't get there. It may not get there as much as much, but um, I think in general, like with all people just being, I think you do yourself a disservice when you bite your tongue and you hold back because you don't want to um you think you're gonna harm a situation. Um so you you're at that point you're making an assumption, you're assuming that you have to hold back your truth um or hold back a perspective or a thought because you don't want this other person to potentially get offended. But to me that's fake love because it's like if you if if if you're if you all are both vulnerable with each other and human and being truthful, you're not gonna agree on everything. Like I don't know many people, if I agree on 70% of someone else's beliefs, I think we're like best friends pretty much. I mean it's it's rare to find somebody that you agree with like on a on a um higher than 70%. So um, yeah, I think I think you know, being like I don't think conflict is bad either. And I think sometimes we we we um equate conflict with like negativity. Um but in reality, like I I I kind of like to lean into the conflict, I think, socially, whether it be like a topic that might be taboo, because it's like, you know, who cares? Let's let's just like why not why we can't talk about politics right now? If everyone's respectful, or why can't we talk about this topic right now? Why can't we talk about something you did last night? You know, like let's let's talk about it and we we fix it and we we're we'll be stronger out of it. Like, and I and if we approach it with love and we don't approach it with malice and and like you know, I'm trying to I'm trying to tear you down. No. Um and I think that also works, uh, like also in in marriage. And and I I think you have to there's you have to like lean into the conflict and plant those seeds of like growth and restoring each other and watering those seeds of of truth. Um Yeah, I can't even remember your question. I'm sorry if I went on a tangent.

SPEAKER_00 35:24

I love it. Speaking of marriage, do you and your wife, congrats by the way, um do y'all have the same social appetite? How does that look as a couple?

SPEAKER_01 35:34

Oh no, Shay is um a lot more intro Shay's introverted, um probably a little bit more, but she's she is pretty social, but she has like a core group of friends that they've been friends since like middle school. Um, so their relationship is is is like almost um formulaic in a way. Like it's like they know they're gonna be friends forever, you know. Um so yeah, but she's her social batteries a little bit different than mine. She processes, we have different ways I think we process things. Like I'm more of a figure it out, go with the flow, and she's a lot more type A. Like um, like if we travel together, you know, Shay is Shay's the one that will come up with a whole plan and want a whole plan for like what we're gonna do. And I'm more so like, hey, just drop us off in a spot, we'll figure it out as we go, we'll meet people. Let's go. I want to go talk to the locals. I want to like know, I want to ask them where the best food spot is. I don't want to research the best food spot. I want to ask somebody, I want to like talk to somebody to figure out the best place to go. I want to make new friends, that kind of thing. So it's a little different.

SPEAKER_00 36:57

I can relate to those dynamics. How about you and your um yeah, we I I tend to err on more of the planning ahead side. He's more go at the flow. Although I will say, I think also in a marriage, like you hopefully influence each other and bring out and like the best of each other, you start to weave together. And and he has really helped me chill out a lot about all those details uh and see the the beauty in going to flow, or like if things don't go according to our plan, just how do we laugh about it and really see that there is a new adventure here that's unfolding instead? Um so you know, it didn't it it looks and sounds good now. It didn't always look and sound good. There were some real like uh differences we had to work through there. But I think to your point around, I think this is a time where we are more different than ever. And this is a lot more about like loving and accepting each other for who they are, obviously finding some core compatibility. Um, but then learning actually how to navigate the differences uh is the real skill of the time right now, and how to say sorry and notice when your ego is playing a role, things like that. Um I have a few quick hitting questions to end our conversation, although I don't want it to end. Um, there's so much more I could talk to you about. But what is the last great party you attended and what made it great?

SPEAKER_01 38:26

Wildcard was the last great party I attended. No, um shameless plug right there, by the way. But uh my the last great party I've been to. Hmm. I mean, like I'm I'm thinking of like times of hanging out with friends and groups of friends. I don't know if it was like a party the same way I would have thought of a party at 18, 19 years old. Um probably going for my wife's birthday. We went to New Orleans and we had gone with some friends. It was it was her birthday on her birthday's on February 17th, and Valentine's Day is the 14th. And it was also Mardi Gras on her birthday. So we kind of got the best of both worlds. I mean, we were hanging out as a as a as a friend unit, but then also able to go out and check out Mardi Gras if we wanted to, which I think we realize we're all kind of getting old because uh everybody was just kind of tired and like, yeah, I'm a little good on this, ready to go back.

SPEAKER_00 39:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:30

Um, so yeah, that was probably the last great, great party I went to. Um, simply because, and it wasn't about all of the people at Mardi Gras. That was actually, to me, that was a lot worse than I thought it would have been um from when I've gone to Mardi Gras in the past. Um but it was because of having you know close people around that that are like lifelong friends and having them show up and celebrating um my wife and and yeah, and just enjoying that moment.

SPEAKER_00 40:07

Is there a person that is in a certain context in your life, like your neighbor, gym, a work friend, that that connection brings you a lot of joy, but you don't need it to go any deeper. It's just someone that kind of makes your day brighter.

SPEAKER_01 40:24

Yeah, I mean, I think my so my neighbor Andrew is so blessed. Um every time I see it.

SPEAKER_00 40:29

And with that, where can people in the world find you if they want to learn more about your work and what you're up to?

SPEAKER_01 40:34

And he's always cracking jokes. And my son, Kasen, I was uh come to a wild card event. I would definitely say I think right now that brings me joy um because oftentimes like I might be coming to the case. Um and then in April. He's always gonna say something about jokes kind of like diversity, but it's also get a conversation started. Um that would be another opportunity. Yeah, it kind of is it's a neighborly relationship, I believe. Um, but definitely just kind of reach out on social media. Um, you can find me at Carrie Fountain. Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_00 41:11

I'm like I could be dropping my kids off from a stressful morning, and then I see my um neighbors on a walk, Miss Marcia, you know, and she says hi.

SPEAKER_01 41:18

Um, social media just just look me up, I'm pretty accessible.

SPEAKER_00 41:23

That's great.

SPEAKER_01 41:23

Umre connect. Shout out to Andre.

SPEAKER_00 41:26

Yes, I highly recommend going to WalterCart event. I've got to question this on the road. One small thing, um, letting more people experience the brilliance of it. So looking forward to hearing more about that.

SPEAKER_01 41:34

And yeah, one small thing that gives people is that there is a check out Janet to pass on this podcast to others. We've got to build more community and have more conversations. I I think like having friends with the city. All right, Carrie, thanks for being here. Thank you, kind of in the atmosphere. There is I've uh I've noticed at least in my algorithm and timeline is um definitely more of a drive for people to connect intimately and ask deeper questions about the world around them. Um, whether they be spiritually or whether it be intellectually, um, and just really trying to understand like what matters most in life, that gives me hope because to me it it the world that is presented to me and marketed to me on whether it be on TV or media, is this world of cons consumption, consumption, consumption, and um and just a hollowness that you have to have. This whole like, you know, f F the world, or you know, I I can do it all by myself, and knowing that there is other people who are also asking more out of life and asking, what what is this thing really about? What are we really doing? What are we doing on our phones? What are we how how are we connecting? How are we building? I think just just the questions, the people who ask the questions and uh search for the answers, that gives me hope.

SPEAKER_00 43:07

I love that. Yes, I agree. I feel like even though it feels like things are crumbling down, in that it it's sparking us to ask bigger questions, a lot of us. And I'm so glad you're seeing that. That gives me hope too. Yeah. Well, thank you, Carrie. This was fun. Uh, you always inspire me and have me thinking bigger. And you also really, I don't know, humanize aspects of uh myself that I think I'm the only one who thinks that or feels this certain way. And so thank you for sharing a little bit more about who you are and like what you do on a Saturday night, as well as the world you're trying to create.

SPEAKER_01 43:42

Yeah, well, thank you. Likewise, Janet. I mean, it's always great to talk to you and just know that I've got friends like you to make me feel less crazy and more at home in this world, you know.

SPEAKER_00 43:54

May we all be so blessed. And with that, where can people in the world find you? They want to learn more about your work and what you're up to. Or go to a rate wildcard event.

SPEAKER_01 44:07

Yeah, I mean, um, come to a wildcard event. We just kicked it off. Right now they're happening monthly. Um, there is one beginning March 18th, and it'll be up for a week um over at Gallery Vox and Terrent. And then in April, Wildcard is coming back to Lawson State University, but it's also open to the public as well. Um, so that'll be another opportunity that would be April 22nd, I believe. Um, but definitely just reach out on social media. Um, you can find me at Carrie Fountain. Um, it's just my first and last name, no spaces, or you can um check me out on Vibes and Virtues. Um, so yeah, on all social media, just look me up. I'm pretty accessible. Um, and let's connect.

SPEAKER_00 44:54

Great. Yes, I highly recommend going to a wild card event. I love that you're taking this on the road and um letting more people experience the brilliance of it. So looking forward to hearing more about that, and y'all make sure to check out Carrie.

SPEAKER_01 45:08

Yeah, check out Janet and pass on this podcast to others. We've got to build more community and have more conversations. I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_00 45:16

All right, Carrie, thanks for being here.

SPEAKER_01 45:19

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 45:21

Thanks for listening today. This podcast is a conversation, and I want you in it. If you have a question about your social life, something you're navigating in this particular life stage, or even a small win you want to share, record me a voice note and send it to Janet at thegathering lab.com. I read every one, and yours just might show up on a future episode. And if you want to go deeper, find us on Substack at thegatheringlab.substack.com for profiles, articles, questions, and more. Thanks for being here. See you next time on The Community Optimist.