EP 27 | “You’re So Quiet” — The Truth Nobody Talks About

You ever be somewhere, just minding your business…
 and someone hits you with “you’re so quiet”?

Meanwhile you’re just… existing.

This episode breaks down why people feel the need to label you, and why being “quiet” is usually just you being intentional with your energy.

Not everyone deserves full access to you right away—and that’s not a flaw. That’s awareness.

So the real question is:
 are you actually quiet… or just not performing?

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You ever be somewhere just minding your business? And someone's like, you're so quiet. Are you having fun? Like, something must be wrong. And you're sitting there like, yeah, I'm good. I didn't say anything was wrong. I'm just not doing the most right now. Yeah. Same. Let's get into it. Welcome back to Rebuild Different. I'm Epiphany Page, and today I want to get into something that I've been hearing for most of my life. You're so quiet. You don't say much. Are you having fun? And I always found it really interesting because if you actually know me, you know that that's not true. I'm not quiet. I say what I want. And I have fun when I want to. I'm just very observant. My day ones, they see the real me. So when people who don't know me say that, it used to bother me because I didn't understand if my energy was giving off something that I wasn't really aware of. But what I've learned is what a lot of people are really saying is, you're not showing up the way that I expect you to. Sometimes it's random. Sometimes it's people you've been around for like five minutes. And suddenly they're telling you personality traits about yourself. Like, you're quiet, you're hard to read, you're just sitting back. And I'm like, maybe I just got here. And what I've noticed is those comments usually come from two different types of people. There are people who are naturally high energy. They can walk into any room and be the same version of themselves with anyone. And that's just how they move. And that's completely fine. I actually wish I had a little sprinkling of whatever those people got. But then there are those people who can't sit in a moment without feeling it. There always has to be something to say, something to add. And when you don't feel the need to match that energy, it stands out. Not because anything is wrong with you, but because you're not participating in the same dynamic. And if I'm being real, sometimes it's just insecurity. Sometimes people just can't sit in a moment without defining it. So they'll point something out about you. Not because it's accurate, but because it makes them feel more comfortable or more noticeable. So instead of just letting things be, they try to label you. And that has nothing to do with you. I also think that there's this unspoken expectation now that people feel like that they should just have immediate access to you. Like if they meet you, that they should instantly understand you, instantly feel your personality, instantly connect. And if they don't, something must be off. But that's not real. Real connection doesn't just happen in five minutes for most people. Real connection is an instant. And not everyone is meant to experience you that quickly. And that's something that I had to understand about myself too, because I thought that there was something wrong when people kept telling me this. So when you don't give access to people right away, they label you. Not because you're doing anything wrong, but because you're just not giving them that immediate access that they're so used to getting from everybody else. I am definitely someone who observes first. I take things in, I read the room, I feel people out, and that's always been natural for me. And that doesn't mean that I'm quiet or reserved or not having fun. It just means I don't perform on command. And again, there was a time that this used to really bother me where I felt like I needed to engage more, talk more, be more on. So I would try. But not because it was natural, but because I didn't want to be misunderstood. But at some point, that changes. Now it's like you can take it or leave it. If we click, we click. If we don't, that's cool too. And I think that this is the deeper shift. Letting go of the need to be understood by everybody. Because a lot of the time the reason that we perform is we want people to get us. We want to be liked. We want to be perceived in the right way. But the truth is, not everyone is going to understand you. And more importantly, they don't need to. Because the right people, they're not going to question your energy. They don't label you. They experience you. And it just makes sense. And the people close to you, they probably get a very different version of you because they've earned that access. But someone you just met, they don't get full access right away. Nor should they. And that's not you being closed off. That's discernment. So the next time someone tries to label you as quiet or tell you that you don't say much or that you're hard to read, pause and ask yourself, or maybe I'm just not performing right now. Because there's a difference. And maybe you're not quiet. Maybe you're just selective with your energy. As you should be. Protect all of that energy. Alright, guys, that's been another episode of Rebuild Different. Thanks again for watching. If this episode hit, send it to someone who's been told that they need to be more. When maybe they really just don't feel the need to perform anymore. And if that's you, take it or leave it. Not everyone clicks, and that's alright. See you guys next week.