EP 32 | The People Around You Shape You More Than You Think

A lot of people don't realize how easy it is to lose yourself by constantly being around chaos.

Not because somebody forced you to change.
But because human beings adapt to whatever they stay close to long enough.

This episode is about “fuck it” friend culture, emotional contagion, identity drift, and the moment you realize you stopped operating from your own standards and started operating from whatever the environment normalized.

@rebuiltdifferent

Transcript

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People really underestimate just how much the people around them shape them. You think that you're just being loyal, having fun, being outside, just going through a phase. Meanwhile, slowly, their chaos becomes your normal. Let's get into it. Welcome back to Rebuild Different. I'm Epiphany Page, and today we're talking about something that I didn't really fully understand until I got older. Who you stay around will either pull you closer to yourself or pull you further away from who you're trying to become. You guys know how I love my psychological concepts, so here's one. It's called emotional contagion. And basically, human beings absorb each other emotionally, socially, behaviorally. And a lot of people think that influence looks like pressure, like someone forcing you to do something. But most of the time it's not. Most of the time it looks like normalization. You spend enough time around chaos, chaos starts feeling normal. You spend enough time around impulsive people, impulsive behavior starts feeling normal. Or if you're around emotionally reactive people, then suddenly everything feels emotionally intense. And that's the scary part about proximity. Nobody usually notices it while it's happening. You just slowly start tolerating things, participating in things, and becoming someone that would have felt unfamiliar to you. And I experienced this firsthand in one of my relationships in my 20s. We were friends for years, and looking back now, we brought out the absolute worst and most insecure parts of each other. Every single weekend was a story. There was something chaotic, something reckless, something emotionally exhausting. And I think everyone knows that one fuck it friend. And if you don't have one now, then you've definitely had one before. The friend where every hangout turns into some sort of disaster. A story, a blackout, an argument, some sort of drama that you just got roped into by association. And when you're younger, honestly, it can feel fun. College is chaos. Your 20s are chaos. They're supposed to be. And we know that reality TV loves romanticizing this sort of dynamic. Like Jersey Shore, which was honestly one of my favorite shows when I was in college. An entire house full of people who are constantly adapting to each other's partying, impulsiveness, emotional reactions, and dysfunction in real time. And when you're younger, of course that energy feels exciting. It's like we're living, we're outside, we're making memories. Meanwhile, your nervous system is adapting to instability and calling it a personality. And for me personally, over time I became less focused, more impulsive, less grounded, less like myself. Not because those traits didn't exist in me at all, but because I stopped separating myself from the environment that I was in. And I think that's where it becomes a problem. Not when you go through chaotic phases, not when you make mistakes, not when life gets messy. It becomes a problem when you lose the ability to separate you from the environment. Because eventually I stopped operating from my own standards and started operating from whatever the environment normalized. And that's how people drift. Not overnight, but little by little. That's why I think one of the most important questions that you can ask yourself is who do I become around this person? Not are they fun? Do we have history? Do I care about them? Who do you become around them? Because that question will tell you everything you need to know. And honestly, I think more and more people are starting to downplay this. Because everybody wants to act like their choices don't affect me. That's their life. Mind your business. And yes, people are responsible for themselves. Because human beings are still deeply influenced by proximity. You cannot stay deeply connected to dysfunction for years and expect it to have zero effect on your nervous system, your identity, and your choices. That's not how people work. The older I get, the more that I realize that peace is less about learning how to manage chaos and more about being careful about what you stay close to. Because not everybody is neutral. Some people raise your standards without saying a word, while some slowly lower them while calling it fun, or that's just who we are. So the real question isn't just who you love, it's who you stay around long enough to let shape you. Alright, guys, that's been another episode of Rebuilt Different. Thanks so much for watching. If this resonated with you, send it to someone who needs it, or just sit with it yourself. And I'll see you guys next week.