Before we begin today, I wanna tell you something that I think is really important. Your path back to yourself does not have to look like mine. There is no single blueprint for authenticity. There are countless doorways and paths, and your doorway is allowed to be small or subtle or quiet, or wild and bright. This is your journey and today I wanna help you name the version that might be yours instead of talking about mine. Hello everyone. Welcome back to a life and Color. I am cold today. it's feeling very late, fall outside. I feel like the air smells a little different. It's very raw and overcast lately, and it's just cold. I do this thing at the, every single fall. I have a million sweaters. I know this, but every fall I get this inner like. It is not a panic, but this urge to just order as many cozy sweaters as I can. So every year I accumulate more sweaters. but I did find what may be my new favorite sweater that I am gonna order in multiple colors on Amazon of all places. so yeah, it's cozy sweater weather and I'm still cold, cozy sweater and a cup of tea. That's where you'll find me. I feel like my garden is a mess. I need to go out and do some work and there's dead plants that need to be trimmed back. We have bags of mulch that have been sitting under the basketball hoop on my driveway they came what? March or April? They're still sitting there and the kids are complaining because they wanna play basketball and the garden needs it. And I'm sure they're like wet and even heavier than they were, which is why they're still there.'cause I couldn't lift them by myself. Anyway, there's work to be done. it's just time to put it all away for winter. so yeah, that's where my brain is at It occurred to me that thus far on this podcast, I have spoken a lot about my own journey, my own urge to step off of the corporate ladder that I was climbing and figure out a better journey for me to be on, other steps I could take that would help me reconnect with my creative side and my inner child. while still, taking advantage of the decades of experience and expertise that I have, gathered over time. That's my journey. But it occurred to me that. I don't wanna focus entirely on my journey because your journey might look entirely different. you might be very happy on your corporate ladder in whatever position you have achieved, and maybe that's not the thing that's causing you to feel unfulfilled. Maybe there are other areas of your life that need some attention or need to be changed, or maybe it's just a very small tweak that would make all the difference for you. Or maybe your concern isn't work related at all. Maybe it has to do with your, marriage or your friendships or your parenting or some other area for you. I don't know. I don't want to give the impression that my journey is the way to go. This is not a situation where it is. Quit your job, move to a cabin, start a business, change everything. That's not what we're here to talk about. That's not what this is all about. I think real authenticity is much more diverse than that. And your return to color for yourself might look nothing like mine, but be every bit as powerful So today I wanna walk you through the many shapes that this kind of transformation can take, so that you can find yourself in one of them, and then finally find a way to let's just exhale a little bit and relax into something that feels like you, whatever the case may be. No matter what your authenticity looks like on the outside, it boils down to four common themes that are always gonna be true. I think everybody falls into these themes no matter what your journey looks like. And those themes are truth telling, trust building, boundary setting and identity releasing the first one. Truth telling. Sometimes that's truth to other people, but often that starts as truth To yourself, it sounds like maybe I'm not actually happy in this job or love my kids, and I also want more than just motherhood, or, I chose this path because it was safe and not because it was mine. Truth telling is dropping those little lies that we perform for the world and the little lies that we whisper to ourselves to keep everything looking, tidy and feeling safe. And this truth telling often comes with grief because you feel like you've lost time or you're afraid of being judged. And that feeling of if I admit this, I might have to change something because once you admit that you can't go back, right? you know, a new truth about yourself, so you have to do something with it. The second one, trust building. So once you've told yourself that truth, you have to decide whether you believe yourself, and that's a different skill. Trust building sounds like maybe my instincts aren't crazy, or maybe this yearning for something different is actually legitimate. Or maybe it's I can take one tiny step without knowing the entire five-year plan. That one's hard. This is where we practice giving ourselves permission to ease up on our ambition or to embrace uncertainty or even to rebel a little bit against the life that we've been leading so far, or the expectations of other people, it's not about having certainty, It's about choosing to trust yourself in the middle of not knowing boundary setting. This is where the inner work starts to touch your real life. So boundaries sound something like, I can't stay late every night, or. No, I'm not available this weekend, or I'm not gonna be the one who always holds this emotional labor for everybody else. Boundaries are scary because they change how other people experience us. They protect your inner world and they carve out space for what's actually real for you instead of what is expected from you. But that means that there are going to be reactions from other people and that you can't go back. It's not something you decide within yourself. And then there's that small possibility that you could just sort of decide within yourself to und decide to do things like that. You've told other people, you've put it out in the world, the train has started moving. And then the fourth one is identity releasing. This is the part where you say. that old version of me doesn't fit anymore. The overachiever, the always available friend, the stay at home mom who isn't allowed to want anything else. The serious professional who secretly wants to make pottery or write a novel, letting go of that old identity can feel like losing your place in the world. You might ask something like, if I stop being the easy one, who am I? Or if I'm not the high performer, do I still matter? This is really vulnerable, deep work, and it can be really scary and disconcerting. But on the other side is a version of you that doesn't have to try so hard just to exist, to be believable, to be welcomed. Imagine yourself surrounded by a community of people that know you. Just exactly who you are and are open to whoever you are now and will become in the future. And you don't have to think about it even, you can just be, that's the goal with identity releasing these four pillars don't live in separate boxes, Truth telling builds trust. Trust makes boundaries possible. Boundaries make room for a new identity to grow. They loop and they overlap and they repeat, and not everybody touches all four of them. But most people don't fall into just one of them, I wanna tell you some stories today to make this more real. These are real stories about real people, to show you how these themes actually look in everyday life. Let's start with Sarah. Sarah's in her mid thirties and she's a teacher. She's the quiet, reliable one, Everybody describes her as easygoing and so nice. On the outside, she fits perfectly into that role, and she's always been like that as long as she can remember on the inside. She's sarcastic. She has really strong opinions, and she's actually really funny. Her inner voice is loud and sharp really vivacious, but almost no one has ever heard it. Because she's never let it out. So for Sarah, authenticity doesn't look like changing careers. She doesn't want that. It starts much smaller. It looks like cracking an honest joke when you're in a staff meeting with your other colleagues or saying, I actually don't think that's a good idea. Maybe we should brainstorm something better. And that sounds tiny for some of you, but for her that is a truth telling earthquake, Immediately her brain starts spinning. What if they think I'm unprofessional? What if I'm too much? What if this changes how people see me? But at the same time, something else is happening. She feels a tiny bit more herself, and that's the beginning of trust building. Maybe my voice matters. Maybe honesty is useful. If Sarah keeps going, her identity will start to shift. So she's no longer just the easy one or the reliable one. She becomes the honest one. Maybe even the funny one, or the person who will tell you the truth kindly, she might become the person that I know I can go to if I need to have a really honest, candid conversation or I need to get feedback, I know that when she says something, she's not just saying it to be nice, she's telling me the truth. That can be really scary because she's releasing an old identity that has kept her safe for so long, and some people might shy away from that when they start to feel that fear. But if you think about what the future could look like For Sarah, if you fall into this category for you, it's worth it. I think some people in her life might love this version and some people might not like it. They might be used to the version of Sarah who never rocks the boat But this is the important part. Those reactions are not a reason to shrink back. They're mirrors. They show her who is actually aligned with her real self and who is not retreating into her old self, that old, quiet version that would only reinforce that old tired lie, that being safe is better than being true. Let's talk about Alex. Alex is in her early forties. She's an engineer, a manager, and the official quote, fixer at work. If there's a problem, people always come to her and ask her for the solutions. they don't even think about it anymore. Just find Alex and she'll fix it. She's the one who stays late. She jumps on all the crises. She takes the extra project. Her calendar looks like a game of Tetris, played by someone who hates empty space. She never says no on paper this is everything that she's worked for her whole life. She has the title, she has the salary, she has respect from her friends and colleagues, but on the inside she is exhausted. There's this quiet, nagging thought that she doesn't wanna say out loud of What if this ladder I'm climbing isn't actually mine anymore? that thought can be really scary because it makes you question choices that you made in the past. But things change and I think it's important for all of us to recognize that you have always made the best choices that you could make in the moment, given whatever circumstances were happening internally or externally. We'll do another episode on that I think it's so important to understand that about yourself, then you might come to a point in your life where you want something different, and it's important to listen to that too and make another choice. for Alex, authenticity doesn't start with quitting. She can't just upend her life. It starts with something much, much smaller. Maybe she blocks off Friday afternoons as no meeting time and actually sticks to it, which is hard. Maybe she delegates a project and does not apologize for it, even if there's a reaction to it. Maybe she looks at her calendar once a week to figure out which of the things on her calendar are there because she thinks she should do them, versus the ones on her calendar that are there because she wants to do them, and then she makes some changes. Maybe she deletes some of those shoulds. Maybe she schedules some external time for hobbies. She takes a hike. She takes a nap. On the outside, nothing huge has changed. She's still an engineer. She still has the title. She still has the salary. She still cares about her work. But internally, this is a boundary setting revolution. These are big steps for somebody who is not used to setting boundaries. And then immediately, as soon as she starts to do that, that fear voice pops up. What if my boss thinks I've lost my edge? What if I stop overachieving and disappear? None of these are realistic. We all know that from the outside, but this is a completely normal, predictable reaction. But while those things are happening, while all of those fear-based thoughts are happening in her head, at the same time something else is happening, she's starting to test a new belief system for herself. Maybe I have value even when I'm not sprinting at 110%, and that's trust building She is learning to trust herself if she keeps going. Her identity starts to loosen a little bit. she isn't the always available, always hustling one, then who is she? This is identity releasing at its core, right? And she is probably gonna be grieving that old version of herself that was always rewarded, even if it was breaking her over time, Because those rewards might look different going forward. Some people might not like this new Alex. A colleague might make jokes about it, like, whoa, half days. Now I've had that colleague before they suck. A manager might push back on her, blocked out time, or her family might need to adjust to her not being on her laptop every night. Maybe she's drawing boundaries within her family too. I think everybody around her will notice that change. But those reactions are not signs that she's doing it wrong. They're just data. They're data points. They show her where her overwork was impacting the people in her life. Where was it? Propping up systems that are not sustainable for her. Over time, if she keeps this going, something will shift. Her kids will start to notice that she's making more eye contact or her nervous system is calm. I think everybody around her might notice that her weekends might stop feeling like she has to recover from the week, and it might start feeling like she can just go have fun and do the things that fill her up. This is a return to color that happens not by making enormous earth shattering changes and blowing up her career and changing cities, it's just a process that happens by refusing to sacrifice yourself anymore As we're going through these, if you listen closely, you'll notice that every story that I'm telling today has the same inner shape to it. everybody goes through the same journey when they are coming to these conclusions about themselves. initially, there's a call, there's like a little sense of I can't keep doing this. this isn't right for me anymore. Something is off Maybe there's more out there. So once you identify that and you can't unhear it, and you decide to take a step, you sort of enter a, void or a forest of confusion and asking. What does this mean for me and my life? All of these questions that feel disorienting eventually turn into a willingness to perform this uncomfortable experiment in your life, You're gonna set the boundary, you're gonna start the conversation. You're gonna build a new habit, and these pieces become a forge where you're forging yourself into a new shape, you're forging a new life for yourself, and once those steps start to really take root that's when life starts to feel different. Eventually, if you keep going, you end up in a place that's the ultimate crowning achievement, There's this deep settled confidence of this is who I am and I am not going to apologize for it. The outer stories change, right? Everything looks different for every person, but that inner journey really doesn't, it's the same for everybody. I also wanna talk about Priya Priya's 29. She's a first generation Indian American woman working in tech. Her parents have sacrificed a lot to build a new life in this country, and from the time that she was little, that story has been thrust upon her. Work hard, make us proud. Don't rock the boat. she is so brilliant. I wanna tell you guys, she has got ideas that. I've never heard from anybody else in one-on-one conversations. She lights up. She can pull apart complex problems. She can offer creative outside of the box solutions. She's so valuable to every team that she's on, but when she's in meetings, she shrinks, she waits. She lets others speak first. She apologizes for speaking up. When her manager used to tell her, your ideas are incredible. I want you to speak up more, she nodded and then heard her parents' voices in the back of her mind that said, don't draw too much attention. Be respectful, be grateful, don't cause trouble, this is not a statement about anything wrong with what her parents told her. Just to be really clear, this is not about blaming her parents or her culture. Most families in every single culture around the world passed down what kept them safe. They do the best they can with the information and the histories that they've lived, but this conversation is about what's right for you in this moment. Sometimes that means gently loosening the rules that once kept your family safe, but are also now keeping you small. Her parents are conveying information that they've received from their experiences in life, it's important to recognize that for all of these people, the way that they end up where they are is a complicated combination of the people in their lives and the experiences that they've had, the way that they received information from different experiences or things that people said, whether or not that intention was there. And whether or not their conclusions are healthy or even accurate, let's give them the grace that they are entitled to their own experience of life, So if your parents heavily influenced something that ended up not serving you very well, you can let that thing go without being angry at your parents because your parents are just doing the best that they know how to do with the information that they have. I think it's a really important point. I'm not trying to make any statement about any kind of cultural realities from anywhere in the world or from any family. Every family has its own culture, its own influences, its own histories that are coloring everything that they impart to each other. But this conversation is about what's right for you in this moment right now. And not all the other people around you. So when her parents' voices speak up like that in her head, that's a legitimate thing that she has to push against. Her authenticity journey is not about rejecting her family or her culture, it's about telling the truth about who she is within that story. So for her, moving differently might look like. Preparing one thing before a meeting and committing to say that out loud or sending a follow up email that starts with Hey, I had a thought about the thing that you said during the meeting, and offering up her opinion without somebody asking for it, or practicing a sentence like, I have a different perspective that I'd like to share in front of everyone in the room. To some people, these come very naturally to other people. These feel terrifying. Whatever your reality is, these steps might feel enormous, but you're breaking a quiet rule that you've internalized that safety equals silence, and that's an important rule to break. The fear is real. What if I sound arrogant? What if I embarrass my parents? But there's also something pushing you forward. Something that says, what if my ideas belong in this room? Something inside you that knows my ideas are better than some of these other ideas being offered today. I think that this is back to trust building. Trusting that Priya's voice has a place that she isn't betraying her family by taking up space. That she's honoring what they worked so hard to make possible. And over time as she keeps doing this, her identity widens. She's not just the respectful, grateful daughter or the quiet one who gets things done. She becomes the leader, she becomes the one with the insight, the one with the great ideas. The person who changed the room by speaking. I think some of the people around her might be surprised with these new behaviors. They might say things like, you're outspoken today, and they don't mean it as a compliment necessarily. she will know that, right? Or a relative might hesitate when she says, I'm thinking about a path that's different from what we originally planned, because that threatens the old script agreed to by being in the family. But again, those reactions are mirrors, they're not mandates, The more you honor your own voice, the more you start to see a new truth. That truth might be that you can love your family, respect their culture, and also refuse to disappear inside of it. Priya's authenticity is not a rejection of where she came from. It is a fulfillment of it. She can take all of the information, all of that value that was given to her by the hard work of her parents and her relatives and everybody around her growing up, and turn that into something that works for her and serves her goals and her wants and her needs. By honoring all of that. Finally, I wanna talk about Nora. My friend Nora is 38. She likes her life mostly. Her job is fine. Her marriage is fine, her kids are fine. And from the outside it's pretty easy to think that there's not really anything that dramatically needs to change. But if you ask her. when she last felt alive, really alive, she can't really answer that question. her days feel beige to her, predictable, safe, but a little bit suffocating. So for Nora, authenticity doesn't need to look like a huge pivot. She's overall happy with the cards that she has in her deck. but it might look like tiny acts of rebellion woven into the life that she currently has. Maybe one day she decides to put on bright red lipstick for work instead of using her normal neutral makeup free look. She might even look in the mirror and think that's a lot. We've all been there, but she'll leave it on. Maybe she leaves it on for the day, or maybe at a neighborhood gathering she has a friend that launches into a very familiar tirade about. Work or kids or whatever, and it's draining Nora's energy She's heard it multiple times. She's not feel like complaining right now. So instead of standing there out of politeness, maybe she smiles and says, excuse me, I'm gonna go check on the kids and walks away. I think she'll probably feel really nervous because that might feel like she's being rude, but I think she'll also feel oddly proud of herself. She did something she wanted to do, even though it wasn't the thing that everybody else necessarily wanted her to do. Maybe she exits a group chat that spikes her anxiety instead of making her feel happy or excited like it used to. And maybe that fills up her cup in a new and different way. None of this is earth shattering, but cumulatively. It's truth telling and boundary setting in tiny micro doses that will build up over time. I think that the fears are quieter for her. When she starts to do this. They might be something a little bit more like, is this silly? I'm just changing my lipstick. I'm not saving the world. Or am I being selfish? Will people even notice that I'm different? Will they be annoyed by that? And some people might, a coworker might make a joking comment about the lipstick, or a friend might text like, we missed you from the group chat with a little guilt baked in. Yeah, that's okay. That is their reaction. You are not responsible for their reaction. And over time Nora might notice something more important that she likes herself more on the days when she lets a little color in, maybe her body feels a little less tight. Her evenings feel like they belong to her again. And for her authenticity is not a new job or a dramatic life overhaul. It's just a series of small, consistent choices that say, I exist here. My feelings matter. I'm allowed to take up space in my own life. Those tiny rebellions over time create big freedom. This world does not need more people who are performing. It needs people who are true, radiant, honest. Your life shifts the second you decide to stop apologizing for who you are. The journey might be quiet, it might be small, slow, messy. It must begin and you are the only one who can begin it. These four women look different on the surface. They have different personalities, different pressures. They're in different phases of their lives. They have different fears, but the deeper truth is that they're all walking that same inner path. They each heard that whisper of truth. They wrestled with doubt. They risked being seen in a new way, and they released an old version of themselves in order to grow. And that means something important for you. Your journey doesn't need to be dramatic to be real. It only needs to be true to you, not to anybody else, not to me, not to your community, not to your family, just true to you. I wanna take all of this and bring it back to your life, to the places where you've been thinking to yourself that maybe there's more. And waiting for permission to make a change. You are not exempt from this work. You are not the exception who must stay small for one reason or another. You're not the one who has to hold everything together by abandoning yourself, you're allowed to change. You're allowed to want more. You're allowed to outgrow the role that you've been sitting in for however long. I wanna spend these last few minutes turning all of this back toward you. The parts of you that are already reacting to these stories and already asking for something deeper, maybe reaching for more color, If you let yourself be honest for just a moment, where is that tug inside of you happening? it doesn't have to be a big, dramatic life changing tug, but like the tiny one or a really quiet one that maybe you keep brushing off because there's chores to do, or you have to write more emails What is the truth that you've been circling, but not really fully naming or even acknowledging that it exists? Which part of you has been tapping gently on the inside of your chest saying please don't forget me. I would like to come out. Please. Maybe it's a boundary that you want to set or a desire that you still don't really feel brave enough to say out loud even to yourself. Maybe there's a version of yourself that you have in your head that you really wanna become someday, but you keep postponing it because it would require other people to see you differently. Also, maybe it's even smaller than that. Maybe it looks like a color that you wanna wear, or a hobby that you wanna try in this quiet of your house alone. Maybe it's a different pace that you wanna live at. You wanna stop spending your time the way that you've been spending it or a bigger truth. I just want you to know this with absolute clarity. You do not have to rearrange your entire life to come back to yourself. Your journey does not have to look like mine. You just have to make one honest decision. That choice has to belong to you and you alone. But if you just take that first step and stop performing and start telling the truth, even if it's just barely makes it out of your mouth, whatever it is, the moment that you choose yourself, even in a tiny way, something in you begins to unlock. You'll feel your body unt intense just a little bit. for me, it feels like light. Light starts to shine through the cracks. You feel a little bit softer, you feel a little bit more glowy, not quite so muted. That's how color returns. It's not like a single lightning strike for most people. It's just a series of small, courageous acts that help you remember who you really wanna be and who you are. okay, here's your invitation this week. Pick one small truth, one small boundary, one small rebellion, one small act of faith in yourself, and do those things. Don't save it for the perfect moment. The perfect moment doesn't exist. Don't wait for the perfect plan. That's not a thing. Don't wait for permission. There's nobody that can give you permission to do this. You exist, and that's your permission. Don't wait for everyone around you to understand before you do something, you are allowed to be exactly as you are. You're allowed to move toward what feels real, what feels exciting, what gives you energy. You are allowed to build a life that actually fits you regardless of anybody else around you. I'll be here with you every step of the way. I promise to honor your courage. Celebrate your clarity, remind you again and again and again. That your true colors belong in this world. You belong here. We are all the same. We all were born here. We came here with what we have inside of ourselves and frankly, we owe it to each other to share those things. Thank you for listening today. I hope that something in this episode cracked open just a little tiny bit and it feels like there might be a pin prick of light somewhere where there wasn't before. As always, please send me an email, Laura at a life in color.co with your story. I love reading your reactions and what's happening with you and your life, I would just love to have that conversation. I hope you have the best week, and I'll talk to y'all soon. Thank you for joining. Bye-bye.