Madi Carey: Five Sisters, a Brain Injury, and the King and I

What if the worst chapter of your life is the one that teaches you how to memorize the next one? Madi Carey joins the show to talk about the freshman-year car accident that nearly kept her from college, the high school theater teacher who taught her to remember through movement, and the blind date she knew within seconds was the one.

We get into Madi growing up in a blended family of five sisters (a Little Women meets Modern Family ecosystem), winning a Blue Star Award her senior year for directing a scene from The King and I, double-majoring in transnational studies and faith studies (with minors in physics and theatrical studies because she just took what she loved), and the sushi date her future sister-in-law set up half as a prank that turned into a five-year courtship and a marriage to Tanner. Madi also opens up about the traumatic brain injury that took her short-term memory, the way theater gave her a safe place to grieve who she used to be, and the recent flash that hit her hardest: her ten-month-old son Callahan giggling on the floor.

It's a conversation about narrative people versus episodic people, the gift of remembering where your story started so you can trust where it's headed, and the quiet faith that says the middle part is exactly where you're supposed to be living.

Plus: why hibachi might be the wrong first-date move, an Atlantic article about two ways people remember their lives, and a thought on trusting the author even in the dark parts of the plot.

Note: brief discussion of a past car accident and TBI recovery.

Follow us today for some weekly joy.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Hello, welcome to a fiercer delight. This is a fiercer delight. Uh I'm Matt and I want a fiercer delight in my life, and I think you probably do too. So this is a show where we just think about joy and we think about what fills us. We think about unity and the way we achieve those is just have conversation with people about their lives and where they find their joy and where they find their unity and their peace and all that sort of thing. So today I am joined with my friend Maddie. Maddie, I love the name Maddie or the shortened because I have this thing. I don't know if you have any names like this, but Madison's and Madeline's, I can never remember if it's a Madeline or a Madison. So when someone gives me the shortcut, just like I'm Maddie. Because otherwise I would just call you the wrong name sometimes on accident. Do you have people? Do people get that?

SPEAKER_00 0:47

Yeah, people try to guess if I'm a Madison or a Madeline.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

Do you have a name like that that you just always get confused? Like you call Ed's Georges and George's Eds?

SPEAKER_00 0:55

I don't know. I don't know if I have that.

SPEAKER_01 0:57

No?

SPEAKER_00 0:58

No.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

Yeah, well. Maybe it's a big burden. It sounds like it. But you've really taken that out. So you are Maddie. Um that is your name at least. I guess I could riff on that question. Who are you?

SPEAKER_00 1:13

Hmm. That's a loaded question.

SPEAKER_01 1:15

Yeah. I want to see how you answer it. What's the first thing out of your mouth when I say who are you?

SPEAKER_00 1:20

Well, you know what's kind of interesting when you asked me that is I had like these like really distinct flashes of like different things in my life.

SPEAKER_01 1:26

Chase them.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:28

What's the first flash?

SPEAKER_00 1:29

The first flash was the family I grew up in, which was I have five sisters. We're a blended family.

SPEAKER_01 1:35

So it's like a little women vibe. It is. Mixed with like modern family.

SPEAKER_00 1:39

Yeah, exactly. So I've that was my first flash of like, who am I? I'm a sister. I'm a daughter.

SPEAKER_01 1:45

I now I'm not saying or taking anything away from only children. They have their strengths and they have their things too. But I imagine if you grow up in such a big family with that many sisters, there is a cacophony of noise that echoes into your adult years where it's like you can't shake being a sibling, especially when you have that many.

unknown 2:01

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

It's like a whole little tribe.

SPEAKER_00 2:02

It is like a whole little tribe. It's like with our own little ecosystem as a family, which is really interesting.

SPEAKER_01 2:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:08

Um that was my first flash.

SPEAKER_01 2:10

Okay. Can we stay there for a second? Yeah. When that first flash, is it like what is the flash? Is it a bunch of voices? Is it like celebrating Christmas? Is it just like you all talking? Is it a family meal? Or was it even is it just I've sisters?

SPEAKER_00 2:25

I kind of saw the dinner table growing up.

SPEAKER_01 2:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:28

And then I kind of saw my last sister, um, well, last sister that's in the space to get married just got married. Okay. So I saw us all together at this wedding.

SPEAKER_01 2:38

So it's fresh. Yeah. So it's nostalgic and fresh all at once.

SPEAKER_00 2:41

Yes, all the same things.

SPEAKER_01 2:43

Those are cool moments when uh like you have that adult wedding that takes you all back to childhood, but also like we've made it. Yeah. We've grown up and we're kind of and there's all probably always someone in trouble. Yep when you're that many. And there's other people who are thriving. Okay, so there's a flash. Family, meal, gathering, wedding, celebrations, adulthood.

SPEAKER_00 3:01

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:02

Yep. My second flash was how many flashes?

SPEAKER_01 3:05

Hold on, how many flashes do we have?

SPEAKER_00 3:06

I think there was like, okay. Like four.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

I wish you would have said like 96. Long show.

SPEAKER_00 3:14

Okay, second flash. Go ahead. High school. Second flash was my high school theater department.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

Okay. Uh the department or the shows or all of it.

SPEAKER_00 3:23

Like I just saw my like old high school theater room.

SPEAKER_01 3:26

Um so you were pretty into theater.

SPEAKER_00 3:27

I was an embarrassingly passionate theater kid.

SPEAKER_01 3:30

Were you super dorky?

SPEAKER_00 3:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:31

Not that theater kids are dorky.

SPEAKER_00 3:33

It's okay. They are.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

You leaned in.

SPEAKER_00 3:35

They are, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:36

Were you a performer?

SPEAKER_00 3:37

I was, and I was also tech.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:39

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 3:40

Like what does tech mean?

SPEAKER_00 3:41

Tech means that I did like um I was an assistant director my senior year.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

That's cool.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

And that was probably honestly probably changed the trajectory of like my life.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

But were you doing like lighting, set design, all of it? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:54

All of it and directing a scene.

SPEAKER_01 3:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:56

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 3:57

Oh, how did you direct a scene? What was your style?

SPEAKER_00 4:00

I was pretty hands-on as a director.

SPEAKER_01 4:02

A lot of cuts, a lot of run-aback. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 4:05

Did you say that stuff? Yeah, a little bit. It was really cool. What'd you say?

SPEAKER_01 4:08

Give me in a like you said cut.

SPEAKER_00 4:10

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 4:10

And then if you wanted them to like you'd give them notes right then?

SPEAKER_00 4:14

Yeah. I was a big note giver.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

And then places, action? Yep. You really got it yet. Yeah, I don't know. I just have seen shows. Wow. All right.

SPEAKER_00 4:21

It's kind of like the shows.

SPEAKER_01 4:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:23

Yeah. But I saw that um when I was a senior, our show was The King and I. I don't know if you know musicals very well. A little bit. Okay. Yeah. So it was The King and I. And I was directing the scene where the King whips his slave tub team.

SPEAKER_01 4:38

Oof.

SPEAKER_00 4:38

It was a big one. And I was the one I wanted that my director.

SPEAKER_01 4:41

You wanted this one.

SPEAKER_00 4:42

I wanted that one. Because it was the it was like the pinnacle of the whole show. You know, like it's a really big turning point for the king and the whole premise of the show. I don't know. Um but I didn't know that my theater teacher actually submitted that uh part of the show, submitted my scene to it was called Blue Star Awards. It was like this big thing in central Missouri that like high school theater departments compete for these awards. And he submitted mine for an artistic like contribution to a show, and I won.

SPEAKER_01 5:13

Did you get like a trophy?

SPEAKER_00 5:14

I did. It hangs in my high school.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

Did you get anything else?

SPEAKER_00 5:18

A big banner with my name on it.

SPEAKER_01 5:19

That's cool. Yeah, it's cool. All right. Yeah. So you just said cut and action all the right way. The poor person who gets beat. He's like, cut, beat him again.

SPEAKER_00 5:29

Harder. We used a real whip too, so we had to like practice for them. It was crazy.

SPEAKER_01 5:33

Yeah, how to whip them without whipping them. I would imagine that was like, you know, it's a big deal in the Romeo and Juliet, like the kissing scene or something. Yeah. Like if you're the director and your buddy's the one there and he's like, kind of got a thing for Juliet, cut, run it back.

unknown 5:45

Right.

SPEAKER_01 5:46

Kiss harder, and you're like whipping.

SPEAKER_00 5:47

More tongue. Yeah. Yeah. Perfect wingman. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

Okay, so high school, directing, acting, did you sing?

SPEAKER_00 5:54

No, I was not a singer.

SPEAKER_01 5:55

Good. I was gonna have you sing. Really? Okay, what's your favorite musical? Do you have a favorite musical?

SPEAKER_00 6:00

Probably Phantom of the Opera.

SPEAKER_01 6:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 6:02

Classic.

SPEAKER_01 6:02

Cool.

SPEAKER_00 6:03

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 6:03

All right. Yeah. Um, okay, so we got that. We have so family growing up, and then this second family, I guess the form you all got close, tribe in high school. Uh third flash?

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Going to college, Westminster College.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 6:17

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

Just the whole thing.

SPEAKER_00 6:19

I just kind of saw I saw the final graduation where I walked through the columns.

SPEAKER_01 6:22

Were you a three-year person?

SPEAKER_00 6:23

No, I was a four-year person.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

You seem nerdy enough to be the three. I graduated college in three years, and it was like it took me five, and then I didn't get any advanced degrees.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

But you know, the interesting thing is we didn't actually think I was gonna make it to college. Okay because I was in a really bad car accident in high school.

SPEAKER_01 6:36

Okay. But that doesn't come up as the flash.

SPEAKER_00 6:38

That just No, it's kind of tied in with theater actually. I feel like theater was the way that I learned to there's a really detailed story with that, but like theater was a way that I learned to cope with all the remnants of the accident.

SPEAKER_01 6:50

Um like just as an escape, or maybe that was an area where life you didn't have control over here. Over here, you could at least feign control and it helped you heal or something?

SPEAKER_00 7:00

Sort of both. My theater teacher uh I had a traumatic brain injury and I lost a lot of memory capability, like short-term memory. And she took me in into the class and she taught me how to memorize through movement.

SPEAKER_01 7:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 7:13

And that's how I started to do, you know, 30-second monologues to a minute monologue, and it like transformed my life.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

It came back. It or you rebuilt it.

SPEAKER_00 7:23

Rebuilt it in a weird way.

SPEAKER_01 7:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:24

Um and it also was like a safe haven where I had all this emotion of like my life had changed. I was a totally different person now, and there's a lot of emotion and grief that goes into that. And theater became a safe way to express it because it wasn't me, it was my character.

SPEAKER_01 7:38

Yeah, it was an outlet. You could be vulnerable, but it was a facade of vulnerability where like you'd be crying about a loss as a character. It's still your own loss you're drawing on, but you can you get applauded for crying in that. Where elsewhere you might get like shamed or judged or right. Huh. That's interesting.

SPEAKER_00 7:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

Man.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

So we didn't know that I was gonna make it to college. We were my parents were kind of told she might not even like live out of the house anymore.

SPEAKER_01 8:02

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_00 8:03

It was it was pretty intense.

SPEAKER_01 8:05

You said it was a car accident?

SPEAKER_00 8:06

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I was in a car accident with my mom my freshman year.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

Okay, and she was okay?

SPEAKER_00 8:11

She was fine. All right, yeah, she was okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:13

But way to bring us down.

SPEAKER_00 8:15

Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 8:16

But the car keeps rolling.

SPEAKER_00 8:17

But there was so much joy in that, you know, like I found theater in that.

SPEAKER_01 8:21

Okay. So the the way is through. That's the path. You gotta go through, and sometimes you go through by adding things and finding things along. You can't just like stiff arm it. You gotta go through the pain. Yeah, you went through the pain, uh, and saw the healing on the other side. You go to college and then the four-year blip comes through your head because it was like the mark of something that we thought was gonna be impossible.

SPEAKER_00 8:45

So when at Westminster, the tradition, I don't know if it's the same at Mizzou, I know they have columns too, but we have columns and you walk through them on graduation day. And I just remember walking through and seeing my parents and my family, and like it was like a I had made it moment.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

Perseverance and also surprise and miracle, all these things.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

All the things.

SPEAKER_01 9:02

So that's a big deal. So you got a degree, but and that's matters and that's important, or whatever, but also like there's more weight that it wouldn't matter what your degree is in. Like, I finished a thing that I was never supposed to finish.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 9:15

I persevered, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Suffered well, whatever you want to put on it. So that's third flash. So college was good.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

College was great.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

Were you grateful for your ex how often were you grateful for your experience in that way? Where like, was it weekly? You're just like, I can't believe I'm here. I can't believe this is happening. Like that was a motivator, or was it monthly? Was it daily? Like, how did that play out? Or was it just when you went through the columns it all hit?

SPEAKER_00 9:39

No, I think it was something I was always really grateful for and really changed how like I approached college. Like, I was just grateful to be in class.

SPEAKER_01 9:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

Um, and it also meant that when I approached it, and I don't know if it gave my family the most peace, but like I just studied what I loved. I wasn't really worried about what was going to be after college or I need to do this so that I can find a job. It was just like I fell in love with this, I want to take this course.

SPEAKER_01 10:03

What was this? Like hospitality? Is that what you did?

SPEAKER_00 10:05

Or no, so I was a double major and a double minor.

SPEAKER_01 10:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

I studied transnational studies, which was like a mix between poli sci and international studies.

SPEAKER_01 10:14

A lot of high-paying jobs in that. Yeah. People love that.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

Right. And then I had faith studies.

SPEAKER_01 10:20

Okay. Also high-paying. So you were really on that trajectory.

SPEAKER_00 10:22

My dad was so pumped. And then I minored in physics.

SPEAKER_01 10:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 10:26

And then I minored in theatrical studies.

SPEAKER_01 10:28

Yeah, those a couple of them go together. One of those things is not like the other. Like you got a few things that maybe don't like a lot of those are like very people-centric. And then physics, I guess it's kind of people-centric because if you drop a person, I guess they go a certain direction. But yeah. Okay. So that's a whole lot of things going on.

SPEAKER_00 10:44

It was. But I chose them because I loved them. Yeah. I think that made me approach education in a totally different way where I wasn't so worried about the end goal.

SPEAKER_01 10:52

I was just like, Which is sort of what education's supposed to be.

SPEAKER_00 10:55

Should be.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

Like finding your passion, learning a ton about your passion, becoming an expert in your passion, and then living your passion out.

SPEAKER_00 11:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:01

But instead of like, what can earn the most money? I'll do this thing and I'll hate it and do it for 40 years and hate it. But then I'll get to retire really well. And I only hated 40 of my years.

SPEAKER_00 11:10

Right.

SPEAKER_01 11:11

It's a weird model.

SPEAKER_00 11:12

It is a weird model. So I like the how I did it.

SPEAKER_01 11:14

Yeah, that seems wise. So you go through the columns, you're pumped up. Fourth flash?

SPEAKER_00 11:18

Was my wedding day.

SPEAKER_01 11:19

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

Yeah. Married to Married to Tanner. Love of my life.

SPEAKER_01 11:23

Love of your life. Love of my life. You guys like, were you born in the same hospital, held hands, grew like reached over in the little baby nursery?

SPEAKER_00 11:30

No. But how we found each other was like serendipitous. It was just kind of a weird, meet cute, had a blind date. And from that moment on, I just knew that he was the one.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

Who set you up?

SPEAKER_00 11:41

His sister.

SPEAKER_01 11:42

Okay. Accidentally. Oh, accidentally, she didn't.

SPEAKER_00 11:45

Sort of. No, I don't think that she ended up. I don't think she set us up with the hope that we would actually be together. I think she was just kind of being funny.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

Oh, it was like a prank. Y'all are gonna hate each other.

SPEAKER_00 11:54

I think so. Like a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

It's gonna be hilarious.

SPEAKER_00 11:58

It was kind of weird. We she set us up because we were at she was in my sorority in college.

SPEAKER_01 12:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

We were at a party. She was in need of some sisterly assistance at this party.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:09

And was like, you know what? We were talking. She's like, I have the perfect guy for you. And I was like, nah, I'm okay. And she's like, it's my brother. I'm gonna call him right now.

SPEAKER_01 12:17

Older brother, kid brother.

SPEAKER_00 12:18

Older brother.

SPEAKER_01 12:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 12:20

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 12:20

All right.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

And he's a twin, so she had two to pick from. She picked Tanner. And called him, set us up, texted him from my phone.

SPEAKER_01 12:28

He is not in college now, or he is.

SPEAKER_00 12:30

He was not in college.

SPEAKER_01 12:31

Okay, he's off in the world, he gets a random call. Hey, which is kind of ideal older brother thing. Younger sister that's close in age is in a sorority. Yeah. It's like, come on. We talked about wingman earlier, wing woman. Yeah. Yeah. I mean So it worked out for him. It did. So I have a sorority sister in need of a lover. And you guys went to where?

SPEAKER_00 12:49

We went to oh gosh, what's the sushi hibachi place called?

SPEAKER_01 12:54

Hmm.

SPEAKER_00 12:55

Cade something?

SPEAKER_01 12:56

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 12:57

I'm for totally blanket.

SPEAKER_01 12:58

Did they throw shrimp in your mouth?

SPEAKER_00 12:59

No, we did the sushi section. We didn't do the we went to like smoke.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

Hibachi would be a funny first date because they're flinging stuff at you. You got rice all over your face.

SPEAKER_00 13:07

Maybe that'd be a great first date though. Come out smelling all greasy.

SPEAKER_01 13:10

I guess I wouldn't have uh I wouldn't have succeeded. I'm not I'm a hibachi stoic. I'll kind of enjoy the food, but I don't want them to make me like cut the onions and do the smokestack. And I don't really I mean I'm gonna catch stuff because you're throwing it at my face, but I don't really like a seal clap afterwards. I'm gonna like stop throwing food at me.

SPEAKER_00 13:27

No, I feel like that's like one of those experiences where you have to go all in.

SPEAKER_01 13:31

How do you go all in?

SPEAKER_00 13:32

Do you just really You just really get I mean they're performing for you.

SPEAKER_01 13:35

They're kind I mean it's kind of like I tip, I tip them. Well, I respect when they're throwing the knives. I don't want them to throw them at me. Have you ever seen where they have like the fake knife and they throw it?

SPEAKER_00 13:42

No, I've not seen that.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

They do some stuff. And I went my wife and I, we went to an all-inclusive in in Mexico, and one of the hot tickets was a hibachi that's on site, and so we go, and everyone there is just very drunk.

SPEAKER_00 13:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 13:57

And then there's she and I sitting at the corner, and we were just we ruined it for everyone because we were just normal. None of them were just like, throw more stuff at my face and squirt me with grease and more drinks, and then there's alcohol around the hot grill. It was just a lot of action. So you guys wisely, I think, on first date, went to the sushi sushi section.

SPEAKER_00 14:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:20

And just you knew I just knew of my life.

SPEAKER_00 14:24

I the moment that I walked in, I saw him, and it was like this overwhelming feeling of like, oh my gosh, he's the one.

SPEAKER_01 14:31

For real?

SPEAKER_00 14:32

It was love at first sight for me.

SPEAKER_01 14:34

He has to say the same thing.

SPEAKER_00 14:36

He does not.

SPEAKER_01 14:36

Okay. I was like, then you hear that, and as a guy who's like, yeah, me too. But inside you're like, I was kind of unsure.

SPEAKER_00 14:42

Yeah. He felt like there was something different, but love of his life didn't come until later.

SPEAKER_01 14:48

Okay. You guys dated for how long?

SPEAKER_00 14:50

We dated for five or six years.

SPEAKER_01 14:53

Five or six minutes. Uh five or six years. Wow. Okay, so you knew what took so long.

SPEAKER_00 14:58

I was in college and he wanted me to responsibility.

SPEAKER_01 15:02

Mm-hmm. That was you guys were wanting to get stuff in order.

SPEAKER_00 15:05

Yeah. And then when I graduated, we both wanted me to like, I wanted to live on my own. I wanted to like do get a job. I wanted to do the whole thing and know that I could do it. So we waited. Um, but it came at the perfect time. Like he proposed at the perfect time, and now our life is great.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

Does sister own that it was an accident, or does she now be like, I kind of knew I set you guys up?

SPEAKER_00 15:26

I feel like she's kind of like that. Like, oh, I kind of knew it all turned out.

SPEAKER_01 15:29

Yeah, told you guys.

SPEAKER_00 15:30

Right. But when it was happening, I feel like she was like, I didn't exactly expect you guys to like go on a second date. I mean, I would do the same thing. You should and I'll come home and meet my parents.

SPEAKER_01 15:39

You start cranking out kids and stuff, and you guys are this happy family. Like, I built that. I did that.

SPEAKER_00 15:44

It's kind of a cool flex though.

SPEAKER_01 15:45

Yeah, for sure. You gotta own that. I think it's great. If it works out, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:48

Volume shoot, set up as many people as possible. You'll get a couple, right? And you just like trot out your stats.

SPEAKER_00 15:54

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

Okay, so you have these four flashes. I said, tell me your story. You had four flashes come through your head. Um, of those four flashes, or you can add to it like if I say this word, what is the the flash? What is the flash within the flash? Joy.

SPEAKER_00 16:12

So it's a different flash.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

Oh, a different. We have a new flash. This is a fifth flash.

SPEAKER_00 16:17

There was the um recently when my son giggled.

SPEAKER_01 16:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:22

That was my first flash, like the the thought that came to my mind is like us on the floor as a little family of three, and like Callahan was laughing.

SPEAKER_01 16:29

Did you cry?

SPEAKER_00 16:31

I've cried a couple times, but it might be the like new pregnancy hormones that are making me cry.

SPEAKER_01 16:35

But okay. Did you laugh? Yeah. The giggle just makes you laugh. Yeah. And then you chase the giggle. Yeah. These poor kids, I think that's like a soft like version of child abuse that someday they're going to discover and coach us up on. Is like you get your kid laughing, let them stop laughing. I'll get my kid laughing to where it's like, this has got to be hurting him, but I can't stop tickling him. Squeezing his belly or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 16:55

It is. Uh-huh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:57

What makes him laugh? Do you have a well first? How old is this child?

SPEAKER_00 17:00

He's like 10 months going on 11 months.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

Little boy.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

Mm-hmm. Name Callahan.

SPEAKER_01 17:04

Callahan. But you call him Cal.

SPEAKER_00 17:05

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

Okay. Um, and he's going on 11 months, you say, so he's knocking on a year.

SPEAKER_00 17:10

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 17:10

Um, standing up.

SPEAKER_00 17:11

Yep. Standing up.

SPEAKER_01 17:12

Wobbling around.

SPEAKER_00 17:13

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 17:14

Steps?

SPEAKER_00 17:14

Not yet.

SPEAKER_01 17:15

You want them.

SPEAKER_00 17:16

We're so close. You want them bad. Oh, we're so close.

SPEAKER_01 17:18

Okay, so his laughter uh gives you gives you joy. Does you say that's the fifth flash?

SPEAKER_00 17:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:26

When he does the laughter, how does that relate to all the other flashes? Like when he does the laughter, does it take you back to all these other like nostalgia bases? All this story, all this narrative, is it all embedded in that?

SPEAKER_00 17:37

I think so. I think it's the culmination of like I had to go through all those different flashes to get right here right now, so that I could be sitting on a Wednesday afternoon at 6 p.m. with my husband and my baby and him laughing. Like I had to go through a blended family and live with five sisters in a chaotic house that was full of love and all sorts of other things.

SPEAKER_01 17:58

Estrogen.

SPEAKER_00 17:59

Estrogen for sure. I had to go through the car accident to love theater to find my passion and making things beautiful, to college, to meeting Tanner, to now creating this little life together. Like I think I feel it all.

SPEAKER_01 18:14

It's interesting because there's I read an article years ago, a couple years ago, and I can't give it credit because I don't remember who wrote it. I think it was in The Atlantic, so if people could look this up if they wanted, but they did a study and they found that there's basically two types of people. The one type of person sort of sees their life in the moment and it's sort of episodic, and they see very distant. Like if they look back, say I'm that person, I look back at my childhood. It's sort of like sitting in the last row of a theater and watching a movie, but it doesn't necessarily feel like you feels detached. Nothing wrong with that. It's just the type of person. The other type of person, which I think maybe is you, is it is a narrative, and you're like one person on one lap, and you're just like going through and everything is connected to everything else, and you're building this legacy as you go. You're the latter, yes?

SPEAKER_00 19:05

I think so.

SPEAKER_01 19:06

And that's why all these things connect. So you hear that laughter, and it's just like, man, all these dominoes have led to this sweet domino. And so then I can enjoy all the other parcels along the way because they all led to this.

SPEAKER_00 19:15

Yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 19:17

What takes you out of that? Like if you go, maybe you don't. Uh if you think about being joyless in your life, maybe it's like right after you have that car accident. Maybe it's just like the rigors of mundane life. You know, we're just living in the middle of the country, doing jobs. We have a kid, our life isn't epic or something. I mean, sometimes I can feel deflating.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:41

So when you feel like a lack of joy, how do you fix that, or what do you think causes it? Either one.

SPEAKER_00 19:48

That's a good question. I think for me, what causes the la the lack of it, or when I feel like I drop into that like mundane going through the motions type thing is when I forget the narrative. When I forget to see the story that I'm doing. Uh-huh. I think that that's um not that taking it day by day is not a good thing, but I think taking it day by day but forgetting the day before kind of loses the momentum for me. Um I feel like how I find it again is like finding the little moments that like spark that joy, like taking the moment to like consciously be in just the present moment with whatever's happening. Um but that's easier said than done. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:35

Yeah. That's when I think about faith. Um some people are people of faith, some people aren't, and then there's all kinds of varying faiths, but especially the Christian faith, that's one of the strengths of it that maybe people take for granted. And people are like, well, it's just a crutch, and it's like, yeah, it kind of is. But it's this cognitive crutch, too. I think of in the book of John, it says, in the beginning was the word, and the word was with God, and the word was God. And then the word becomes flesh, and then the flesh dwells among us, and then eventually Jesus, who is the word, the logos, gives his life, whatever. But what all that gives you is in the beginning. So it tells you where you're from. So you have a story, uh origin story. I was raised in this family, I had these sisters, I was in theater, whatever. You have these origin points, this origin story. So you know where you're from, then you know where you're going. Because the reason he came is so that we can uh I'm the way, the way to what? The way to God. So we know where we're headed. And so then we have this time traveling ability in the present to be reminded of where we're from. I'm fearfully and wonderfully made, reminded of where we're going, I'm gonna live eternally in heaven as an adopted co heir to the king of the universe or whatever. And it makes the present just a bit more manageable.

SPEAKER_00 21:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:47

And so philosophically, we know those two answers, and so it makes living in the here and now the mundane easier, better, different, more meaningful. But it sounds like, in a way, stripped from the spirituality, even, or maybe. Fueled by it, that's what you're describing. Is that you can go back to the past, remember all these things happen for a reason. I walked through those columns or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 22:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:06

And that led me to sorority. Sorority led me to I'm supposed to be in this moment.

SPEAKER_00 22:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:11

And so I know that it's gonna go well, it always has, it works out.

SPEAKER_00 22:15

Yeah. I feel like my faith plays a huge role in that too. I think that you've described it really beautifully that faith kind of teaches us that there is a beginning, there is an end, but the middle part is where we're supposed to be living. And there's a beauty in just being with what God has put you in right now, and trusting that like he's already written so much of my story, he's gonna continue writing it. Yeah. And right now I just get to experience what he's currently writing, which is such a cool thing that we get to pair in with him.

SPEAKER_01 22:46

Yeah. So like trusting the author even in the dark parts of the plot.

SPEAKER_00 22:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:50

As a good musical will do. It's not just all up the whole time. It's like uh I always think of like Shakespearean comedies. You go through some stuff, there's mistaken identities, there's first dates that don't work, there's all these costumes and everything's going wrong and awry and messy. And then at the end, everything is put in its proper place, and you eat uh a meal and the king shows up and the right king's on the throne or something. Yeah. And so it's kind of like, okay, I'm living in this middle and it can get muddled. But I remember the beginning, I know the end. And so I can make it. Yeah. And trust it and be okay with even the weird pages I don't understand. The car accidents.

SPEAKER_00 23:26

Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:27

Well, anything else you want to say before we wind up?

SPEAKER_00 23:30

I don't think so. Thanks so much for having me on. This was really cool. It was reflective for me, even.

SPEAKER_01 23:35

Me too.

SPEAKER_00 23:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:37

Think back to my theater days.

SPEAKER_00 23:39

Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:40

Been to the few shows. I've never performed. I the directing thing sounds fun, just bossing people around. That sounds pretty awesome. Um, but yeah, it's awesome talking to you. Um, awesome hearing how you sort of chase a future delight in your life. And for anyone um tuning in, I hope you'll come back as we continue having conversations about this. And then if you ever have any feedback, reach out. We'd love to hear from you. Again, this is a Future Delight. Thanks for being here. We'll see you next time.