The Living Whole and Holy Podcast
Where intentional living meets the beauty of the Catholic faith. Join recent convert and Catholic coach, Carrie Jain, for inspiring conversion stories, Church wisdom, and faith-based coaching tools to help you grow in holiness, deepen your prayer life, and build Christ-centered habits.
The Living Whole and Holy Podcast
24. From Wounds to Freedom: Inner Healing Through Christ with Kia Bakunawa
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What if the healing you’ve been searching for is found in inviting Jesus into your wounds?
In this transformative episode, I’m joined by Kia Bakunawa, family nurse practitioner, Encounter School of Ministry leader, and a woman deeply rooted in her Catholic faith.
Together, we dive into the powerful and often overlooked topic of inner healing through Christ—and why true freedom doesn’t come from striving, but from inviting Jesus into our wounds.
Kia shares her personal experiences in both healthcare and ministry, revealing how emotional and spiritual wounds often impact our physical and mental health—and how Jesus desires to heal it all.
We talk about:
- What inner healing actually is (and what it’s not)
- Why some healing methods fall short without Christ
- The role of identity as a beloved daughter of God
- How fear blocks healing—and how to overcome it
- The power of forgiveness in experiencing true freedom
- A powerful testimony of healing from a wounded memory
- How Jesus meets us in our pain and speaks truth into our lives
If you’ve tried different healing modalities and still feel stuck, this episode is an invitation to go deeper—with Jesus at the center.
This conversation will leave you feeling seen, encouraged, and hopeful about the healing God desires for you.
Resources Mentioned:
Follow Carrie on Instagram @livingwholeandholy
Schedule a Free 1:1 Catholic Coaching Clarity Call with Carrie
Welcome to the Living Whole and Holy podcast, where the Catholic faith and intentional living come together. I'm your host, Carrie Jane, a recent Catholic convert and Catholic coach, here to guide you toward a life that's rooted in Christ, centered in his love, and aligned with God's call. Whether you're a convert, a revert, a cradle Catholic, or simply exploring the faith, you're in the right place. Join me each week to hear inspiring conversations including conversion and reversion stories, timeless wisdom from the church, and practical Catholic coaching tools that help you deepen your faith and intimacy with Christ, cultivate Christ-centered habits, and be transformed through the renewing of your mind. If you're ready to discover and align to the beauty and richness of a fully integrated Catholic life, you found your home. I'm so excited you're here. Let's get started. And I am thrilled to have Kia Bakunawa on the show today. Kia comes with a love for life and a tender heart, a young woman on a mission to see lives renewed. In the healthcare realm, she serves as a family nurse practitioner who integrates nearly a decade of clinical experience with a deep compassion for souls. For many years, she worked as a bedside and travel nurse across Kentucky, California, and Ohio before pursuing her master's degree at the University of Cincinnati. She moved to Los Angeles during the COVID-19 pandemic and served on the front lines as an infectious disease nurse practitioner. Today she cares for our veterans as a medical examiner with a VA. Outside of medicine, Kia is deeply rooted in her Catholic faith and community. Kia is a teacher and leader for the Encounter School of Ministries LA campus. She's actively involved in her local parish in Glendale, California, leading a young adult ministry where she creates a space for authentic community and spiritual growth. With a heart for healing and transformation and a passion for empowering others, Kia brings joy and contagious zeal to everything she does. She hopes to see a vibrant, spirit-filled church come alive. Kia, welcome to the show. I am so delighted to have you here today.
SPEAKER_01Thanks, Carrie. I'm really excited to be here. Thanks for asking me to sit down and have this conversation with you.
SPEAKER_04Yes. Well, you are our third encounter guest. So I feel like this is a little encounter series. That's awesome. And uh as I've shared with the audience before, I am an encounter student and have gotten to know Kia through Encounter, and it's been a joy. And I couldn't wait to have her on because of her experience in healthcare and just her background as a Catholic. So why don't we start there, Kia? Why don't you tell us a little bit about your background with Catholicism?
SPEAKER_03Yes. So I was born and raised Credo Catholic. Both my parents are in the faith, baptized me and my three brothers as Catholics. And I just remember some of my earliest memories are learning how to pray the rosary with my grandma or my lola. And also just seeing my parents pray the rosary in the car. And so that was something that was always just the upbringing that we've had was always centered around God and in Christ. But I'll be honest, you know, I went to Catholic grade school and high school, and it was just something that it was my parents' faith for the longest time. Just went to church when I was told to go to church, learned about the sacraments, did the sacraments. And it wasn't really until my senior year in high school did I have this really profound personal encounter with Jesus. And ever since then, I've just been really growing and on fire for my faith. Um, of course, with some setbacks because spiritual life has uh moments of opportunities of reversion. Um, but I'm I'm just so grateful just for being brought up in the faith by my parents and how that's really impacted me even as a young adult today.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, absolutely. We see what our parents do and we wanna follow. So I love that. Yeah. The rosary together in the car and set that foundation for you. And then you made the faith your own. And so that's really beautiful. Well, I would love to talk particularly particularly about inner healing, and that's a quarter that we have in Encounter. And, you know, we've spoken about uh physical healing with Father Pablo and gotten to know a little bit about that. And um, the inner healing is really beautiful because it leads us to freedom and not just freedom in anything, but freedom in Christ. And several people who listen to this show have tried a lot of healing modalities. I tried a lot of healing modalities on my way to becoming a Christian, and a lot of them fell short. And a lot of people are looking for that freedom and they're looking in all the wrong places. And I would just love for maybe you to give us an introduction to what inner healing is and how it leads to more freedom with Christ.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, absolutely. So, quarter four, that that quarter in inner healing is is particularly heavy. It's intense, right? And if there's a reason why students who come to this school, they don't learn about it until the fourth quarter. They they have to really kind of build themselves up to that. First being just your identity, your identity as a beloved son or daughter and really understanding and believing in that. And then um, it kind of moves into this hearing or learning how to hear God's voice because we can have people speak to us and tell us that we're great, that we're loved, that we are worthy. But until we really hear that from Jesus, from the Lord, it doesn't really make that much of an impact. It's so profound to have God speak that over us. And learning how to listen to his voice is just one of the more powerful ways people can experience that healing. And of course, with the inner healing, there's there's that freedom. I mean, all of us are broken, right? We we live in this broken, fallen world. Um, and it's not hard for us to look at in our own lives and just see that, yeah, as as much as my parents loved me and raised me in the faith, um, there were things inevitably that has wounded me as a child, right? The times where my dad probably favored my older brother over me. And I took that to heart. And then I just had to prove myself and just fall into this performance-based mindset where I had to feel like I had to earn my own dad's love. And so what inner healing does, and specifically inner healing through Christ, is just going back into these wounds, these areas that have hurt us, even these areas of trauma, and really inviting Christ to come into it, to speak truth into it, and then to redeem those wounds for us. And so that's what we we teach at encounter. That's what I've I've kind of been on this personal inner healing journey myself. It's so funny. I I am a medical provider and I work in the medical world realm, but inner healing has something that for one reason or another, maybe it's my family background or my cultural background. It's been something that I've personally been a little resistant on, didn't want to look at the flaws in my life or my woundedness or highlight it. But I was so happy to help pray with people. And so it's because kind of this really personal journey journey for me. And I'm I'm still growing in that and I'm still seeking freedom in that.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, absolutely. It's really uncovering those deeper issues that maybe we think, oh, we've forgiven that person or we've healed from this traumatic experience. But this really gives us that opportunity to approach it with not just ourselves and our own understanding, but with Jesus. And I think that's all the difference in the world.
SPEAKER_03And I'm sure, you know, when people explore different modes of healing, the the most obvious form is to go to therapy. And there is something so beautiful about talking to someone who is whose expertise is to talk through these wounds with you, but there's such another aspect when you invite Jesus into that conversation and into that healing. And that's what we we love to pray about. And that's what I think prayer can be so powerful.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, absolutely. So, why would somebody want to do inner healing versus going to therapy? Or I guess you could do them together.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I mean, I've definitely had experience where we I've been able to do it together. I think if if you've been doing therapy and and not really experiencing breakthrough, I think that's when there's an invitation there to take it deeper into prayer. I think therapy is great. It gives you a lot of coping mechanisms, a lot of a lot of ways and modalities to like work on yourself. But it's so hard sometimes when when we're focused on working ourselves, very rarely can we do it alone. And I think that's where inner healing prayer comes in when we realize I, oh, I can't heal on my own. I can't heal through these coping mechanisms. I really need to ask Jesus to to touch me, to break through with me and to help me heal. And one of the tools that we do that with, and just an example of one of the ways that we pray in inner healing and in freedom, um, and also personal experience for me is there's a tool called healing from a wounded memory. And it's really asking Jesus, Jesus, where were you when when this was happening to me?
SPEAKER_05Right.
SPEAKER_03We can you go back into this memory and you ask, Lord, where were you? And it's so powerful when when you ask that question and the Holy Spirit comes and breaks through and you kind of see this memory from a third-party perspective. You kind of have almost like an out-of-boundary experience where you actually look around the room and see where Jesus is in that memory. And we like to say that, you know, it doesn't change the memory, but it really changes how we feel about the memory. Um, like for example, can I share a maybe a person with me? Yes. Go ahead. So I was kind of a baby in learning how to pray for inner healing and freedom, very new to this mode of of healing and and redemption in Christ. And um, I I remember driving one day and I was just thinking about that tool. I just and I loved driving in my car. I love just talking out loud as if Jesus was sitting in the passenger seat right next to me. Is some of the most intimate prayers are from when I'm driving alone. And I just remember praying out loud and I'm driving, and I was like, Jesus, like, can you show me a memory that um you want me to heal from? And like I'm open to it. You know, if it's just me and you in here, can you is there a memory that you want to heal for me? And immediately um I just get these flashbacks of um my high school days when so I used I used to play golf a lot. Um, I played golf in high school and I also received like a partial scholarship for it in college. So golf was like a really big sport for me growing up. And the memory that came to me was when I was a senior in high school, it was during the state championship at golf. And I remember getting that memory and I'm driving, I'm like, oh, that's weird. I haven't thought about that in years. And I just remember how I felt during that tournament. So that is probably um a memory that's been a source of just pain for me. I it was there was a lot of pressure in the state tournament. I was trying to get uh the attention of a lot of college like coaches and scouts. And I knew this was a big deal. This was like my moment to shine. A lot of my hard work, my blood, sweat, tears, the sacrifices that my parents went through to even get me to lessons to get to this point where I qualified for a state tournament. All of these things kind of came up into okay, this is the make it or break it moment. You gotta shine right now. You gotta play your best. And I choked. Like I choked. I did so terribly. That's probably one of the worst rounds or tournaments I've ever played in. And I just remember feeling so upset with myself. I after that tournament, I just spiraled into kind of a depression where there was a lot of self-loathing, a lot of blame, a lot of shame, just a lot of disappointment. Like I wasn't good enough. And, you know, to no fault of my dad, who who I knew still loved me, but whenever I disappointed him in anything, he just wouldn't speak to me. We would just rather not talk about it. Um, so instead of expressing his disappointment, he would just kind of yeah, ice me out in a way. And I think that was a way for him to also make sure that I didn't get hurt from his words, but also it hurt that, yeah, that he kind of just didn't look me in the eye, didn't want to talk to me. And so that kind of led into just these feelings of just not being good enough. Right. And it got to a point where I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror when I was in high school. I just was just ruminating on how bad I did and how much of a failure I was, right? And it was this whole performance-based mentality. And so when I was driving in the car, asking Jesus to show me a memory of when he when he wanted to heal me in, and that tournament came up, I was shocked, but also not super surprised. That's been an area that I haven't even talked to therapists about because I just thought I've moved on from it, right? And I so I was driving and I was like, okay, Lord, what do you want me to know about this memory? Where were you when this was happening to me? When I was failing, when I was starting to hit rock bottom, when I felt like I wasn't good enough or worthy enough, when my dad stopped looking at me, when I lost the validation and the praise from my peers and my coaches. And I just saw me walking down, um, carrying my golf clubs. And I just remember in this memory, I look over to my right and I see Jesus walking with me.
SPEAKER_05Hmm.
SPEAKER_03And I kind of stopped. I had to pull over from where I was driving because tears started coming. And I said, Jesus, what did you want me to know? And in this memory, I stopped, I looked at him, and he looks at me and he puts his hand on my shoulder and said, This is nothing to what I'm calling you to do and become. This tournament, nothing. It's nothing. I love you more than how you perform. I love you how more than how good you do at this tournament. This is nothing to the daughter that I've created you to be. Like, do not put pressure on yourself here. This is this is just an experience, and and I love you regardless of what happens. And I just broke down, just started crying. It was so powerful, so profound, right? And for sure, there have been greater wounds that have happened to me in the past, but for the Lord to enter into this inner healing realm for me at such a vulnerable time, but also um to let me know that like my identity is not in how I do or how well I perform, but just of who I am was so, so powerful. And so again, I can look back at that memory and realize that doesn't change the memory, right? I still did pretty terrible at that tournament. I still felt like the coldness of my dad feeling, you know, disappointed in myself, but it definitely changes that memory and how I feel about it. Like I don't look at that full of shame. I don't look in that memory feeling like, oh gosh, yeah, that that memory is when I went through a depression. It's more like, wow, that memory is when Jesus met me and told me that I am so much more than this experience. I love that so much.
SPEAKER_04He's so gentle, isn't he? Yes, he is. When he said he put his hand on your shoulder, I was like, we have such a gentle God. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And he just looks you in the eye and just tells you who you are. And so that's when, you know, going back to your question, um, what would make someone seek inner healing prayer versus therapy? It's it's really that. It's having Jesus tell you who you are face to face, eye to eye. And I think that's what makes it so powerful.
SPEAKER_04I love that. And I'm thinking about the Catholic coaching that I do as well. And one of the main things we talk about is your circumstances are neutral. It's what you think about it that impacts how you feel about it, which then impacts your actions, which then impacts your results. Wow, yes. So this would be I mean, I can't wait to learn more about doing inner healing sessions because it's gonna go so beautifully with coaching as well, because we experience pain when we create meaning. So, like you said, you weren't changing the memory. You still didn't do quote unquote well in your girls' tournament, but Jesus met you there and you were able to experience it through his eyes and hear from him. Right. And then the whatever happened didn't change. The circumstance didn't change. It was how you felt about it, what you thought about it. So you can incorporate these modalities into coaching, into therapy. And yes, so I love that.
SPEAKER_03Um, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and it's and it goes through um, you know, a lot of inner healing is just replacing lies for truths. And that memory and that tool really helps replace that. When Jesus said, You are more than this performance, you are more than this. I love you regardless of that. I mean, those are things that the the lies that I had hang on hung on to um when that was happening to me was totally replaced by the truths that he wanted to give me. And I I think that'd be so beautiful for you to just incorporate in your Catholic coaching because more people can really experience breakthrough when when that when you bring Jesus into that.
SPEAKER_04Absolutely. And that's what I love about Catholic coaching, how it's different from from secular coaching, because we're not doing it ourselves. We're bringing Jesus into everything, and it's so much better with him because he can bring that compassion, he reminds us of who we are. We get out of that performance-based mentality. And I can relate so much to you, Braun, as well. And I think so many people listening. We live in a world where it's all about performance, it's all about the identity and and what you do and and what you have, and and it's so much more than that with Jesus. So I just think that that's where the freedom is, right? I mean, because otherwise we're just on this constant search of self, and that is exhausting, it's empty, and it doesn't lead to intimacy with God.
SPEAKER_03Right. And I also love what you said about, you know, just allowing Jesus to do the heavy lifting. So as a nurse practitioner, we had to, and then as a nurse, like we've had to do clinicals to really see um, you know, what area we would be interested in working in. And I remember my psych clinical, it was something I was like, oh gosh, I don't know if I could do that. I don't think I'm I'm called into the mental health realm or or treating people with mental illness because I just felt like there was a lot of pressure in there, right? You were you aren't just seeing um a wound and trying to figure out which antibiotics would work best, but there's a lot of working in interiorly. And that always kind of scared me because I was like, oh gosh, what if I start carrying what they're saying or um personalizing it for me, or I wonder if I would feel drained if I worked in this sphere. But something so beautifully of what you said is actually when you bring Jesus into it, you're just creating a space for him to work. He does the heavy lifting, he does the healing. And so I just want to honor you as a Catholic coach for just saying that and also knowing that at the end of the day, it's Jesus that is the healer and he's the one, he's kind of like the divine therapist, right?
SPEAKER_04Absolutely. He knows so much better than we do. We're just holding space. That's it. He's holds space and and he does the rest. So yeah, I love that. Yeah, I want to honor you in that. That's beautiful. Thank you. Yeah, it's it's it's amazing work and it completely changed my life. So that's why I'm doing it now. And now adding in encounter, it's just um more tools that I can help people with. So um, yeah, yes, amen. One of the things that we learn is fear is the the number one enemy for inner healing. I would love for you to talk about that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so I can talk about that both on the ministering side, right? Praying for physical healing and sensing fear, but then also on the receiving side of experiencing fear myself and not wanting to go into those dark places for my own inner healing. From the minister aspect of things, right? Fear is one of the tools of the enemy to keep us from seeking out truth. There's so many lies that Are stemmed out of fear. I would say, even just the fear of just distrusting the Lord, we can go straight back to the fall of man and how the devil manipulates Adam and Eve into distrusting the Lord. And then fear kind of grew into their hearts. Like, oh my gosh, is God not who he says he is? Isn't is God not who I thought he is? Is he not a loving father like I thought he was? And that makes you fearful. That makes you feel like you need to self-protect and you need to be self-sufficient. You need to take things and do things on your own. Because one of the fruits of fear, bad fruits of fear, is distrust. Right. And so from a ministering aspect, when we when we pray for people and we can sense that fear, it's so simple, but so powerful. And I don't, I'm seeing it simple, but I don't want to belittle it or invalidate it. Fear is real. I mean, the Lord allows us to feel that way, but he also teaches us that the only thing and the simplest way to combat fear is by bringing Jesus in and speaking like life into it, truth into it. Right. So if there is this fear of like, oh, I'm so wounded or I can't trust God, when we pray in the name of Jesus, and Jesus is such a powerful name, and we can, in his own authority and through the Holy Spirit, when we rebuke that type of fear and just instead replace it with truths that Jesus wants my healing, Jesus sees me, he knows me, he loves me, he wants to make me whole again. It can be such a powerful experience for people who are in that place of fearfulness. On the other side, I mean, I'm saying that and I'm so convicted of that when I'm praying for someone on a personal level, whenever I'm feeling really pushed and prodded to experience inner healing for myself. And I'm just like, oh man, this is this is an obstacle that's keeping me from the love of the father. And he kind of helps me see that and highlights that to me. There's always this like hesitation to seek out prayer. And I think that hesitation, actually, I know and believe that that's from the enemy. He puts that fear in me so that he can keep me from that, right? And so the enemy loves to lie, he loves to manipulate, he will do anything possible in his power to keep us from seeking God and seeking his light. And so just for anybody who's listening and is experiencing that, just bring it into the light. Speak it out. There's power in invoking the name of Jesus, but also saying out loud the things that you're fearful of. And when you can acknowledge that and you bring it into the light, the the enemy doesn't have as much powerful power over it anymore. So um yeah, when we talk about freedom, it really comes down and simplified in that way.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_04I love what you said about there's power in the name of Jesus, and because the devil trembles, the demons tremble. Can you give us an example of the declarations people actually make with the name of their in or you know, in you're doing the healing in the name of Jesus? I I'll let you go from there. Yeah, it's really powerful. The name of Jesus is absolutely if I'm just stuck, I'll just say, Jesus, that's all. Or may the precious blood of Jesus come upon me now. Or I mean, there is so much power in that.
SPEAKER_03So yes, please go ahead. So Jesus is the name Jesus is one of the only things, actually, it's probably the only thing in this whole world that when you say it, something happens, right? We can say chair, nothing happens. We can say book, we could say even mom, like a person, and nothing happens. But there is something so powerful in the name of Jesus that already invites a supernatural presence into a space. And that's either exteriorly or even interiorly, right? And that that is why it's such it's such a powerful name, and there's power in a name in the Bible talks about the power of a name. But what more for the son of man, the son of God? Um, and when we call him in, we can believe that something immediate shifts, even in our hearts or in the atmosphere. And so when we pray with people and we just ask Jesus to come in and to break through walls, and we pray in his name and in his authority, because we cannot do anything else apart from that, right? It is all in his name and in his authority and in his holy spirit. Some of the examples that we use is for first we want to name out and um kind of call out, rebuke the lies or the untruths that people have been hanging on to and clinging on to. And after we do that, when we kind of release that, we break those bonds, we have to fill it. And so with the declarations that you brought up, there is a two parts, right? When we invite Jesus in and we say, in the name of Jesus, I rebuke the lie of unworthiness. We always want to combat it with the truth. And I declare in Jesus' name that I am worthy. Right. And so there's these strings of declarations that you can't really prepare for. You really have to be Holy Spirit filled and inspired to say, because I can come in into an inner healing prayer session and I can already have scripts, and the Lord's like, no, no, no, no. I don't want you to go from scripts. I want you to ask me into the conversation and let me guide this. And so things kind of just come out, right? And so if I'm, for example, I've I've prayed with people. Um, and of course, there are specific themes that are recurrent, you know, feelings of unworthiness, feelings that I am unloved, feelings that people don't see me, that I'm invisible, those things that are in kind of in every human heart, that the lot the enemy's lies have really, you know, sewed into us, even as a young, as a young person at a young age, that are always truths that can combat it. Yeah, I can I can give you some examples of that.
SPEAKER_04Um, what's coming forward for me is I went on a silent retreat this weekend with the the sacred heart in the sacred heart retreat house in uh Alhambra, Alhambra, we guess uh the Carmelite Sisters is so beautiful. And the theme of the retreat was being seen. And I mean, from so many different levels, how the father sees us, how Jesus sees us, and how the Holy Spirit sees us. And it was beautiful and so deep. And and the father who gave the retreat, the retreat master was saying that we have so much wounding around being seen. Um and a lot of it starts with our families and the way our families uh you know did see us or didn't see us. Yeah, some of us did or didn't have a relationship with God. Um so I would love maybe if you have an example around that about being seen, because when we don't feel seen, it leads to shame and then we want to hide.
SPEAKER_03Right, right. And yeah, and and you know, with the feelings of feeling unseen, there's also these senses of feeling misunderstood, right? Yes, and so those two things together um can really create a lot of insecurities for us. And so some people either I I've seen it, especially in the in the medical field, go both two ways. One, they feel unseen and they feel understood, so they just continue to hide. Uh, and the other side of that, another is that they feel unseen, they feel misunderstood, so they overcompensate. And now they're having pride issues, they're they're having issues of insecurities in in their ego, right? They have to prove something to someone, they have to do things to feel validated and affirmed. Um, but at the end of the day, you know, we have to we have to realize that if you're hiding, the Lord still sees you in that. And if you're feeling like you're searching for validation and no one's giving it to you, the only validation that matters is from the Lord.
SPEAKER_04Amen.
SPEAKER_03And so yes, yes. And so just that. And and people can kind of see inner healing prayer ministry as something that's complicated and big, but it's so simple. But Jesus gives us so many different examples of it in got in the gospels and even in the books of Romans and Corinthians and and in Acts, just how simple it can be to bring people into that freedom, into that light. You asked if there was any examples of of feeling seen or unseen. You know, I I work with um a lot of young people um but in in ministry, but in the healthcare field, I am in a particular niche of medicine where I only see veterans, United States veterans. And it's so funny, a lot of people are like, oh, well, you're a nurse practitioner. Do you ever pray for their physical healing? And yes, there are times where I do pray for their physical healing. I offer that with my patients, especially when the spirit moves me to pray with them. But it's so interesting that every time I'm praying for, let's say, their back pain or their migraines, or they they have knee surgery and it's swelling and they can't walk yet. And we come into this like environment of prayer when I'm praying for them to encounter the Lord's healing touch. He, and it's so beautiful, he's always after the heart first. So oftentimes I will be praying for a physical healing. And instead, who I'm praying for is experiencing an inner healing. And so when you're talking about, can you give an example where people feel unseen or un misunderstood? A lot of people that are veterans that I treat, they enter at such a young age. They enter at 18, 19, they come from broken families, they go into the military because they don't really know where else to go. I'm not saying that this is the story of all the veterans, but the majority of the ones that I see, this is kind of their story.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And um, and they don't get that validation that they're looking for. They don't go into the military and all of a sudden they're seen and they're if they feel important. Actually, they come out of that a little bit more wounded because they they feel misunderstood. They feel like they were just a number, that you know, that they were just um a tool for for uh battle, or even people that have come from the war in the Middle East, they they they come in and they they they belittle their identity on what they did and not who they are. And so um, when I'm praying with them for their physical healing, a lot of these lies of feeling unworthy, of feeling unseen, of feeling misunderstood, we pray into that and and invoke Jesus' name and power over that. And just I just ask God, like, Lord, what truths do you want me to share with them? And there is just this transformation, there's like this softening in their heart when we pray into that. And so I just I yeah, I want to share that, you know, when I pray for my own patients, I'd say maybe like two out of ten of them experience physical healing, but eight out of ten of them, the Lord's working in their heart.
SPEAKER_04Wow. And then the physical healing is probably much more likely to happen, right? Oh, yes, absolutely.
SPEAKER_03Because they're connected. Yeah. And and I love sharing this with anybody who feels discouraged about praying for physical healing and not seeing anything, is that Jesus is more concerned about the healing that happens in your heart more than he is about the healing that's happening in your body. Like he is almost always concerned about healing the brokenness in our hearts over the brokenness in our bones. And we see that all throughout the gospel, where people come to him and they seek healing. And Jesus is always says, Oh, for example, like the the man whose friends uh cut a roof over the head, the paralyzed man, brought him down. And Jesus said, Your sins are forgiven, but so that people know that your sins are forgiven, I will tell you to take up your mat and walk. And so it's just like, wow, there is inner healing that happens first. Yeah. Or he'll draw out people's faith. And there's something that's so healing about drawing out people's faith, and that he hits in the heart first. Like, do you believe? Can you believe that I am the Messiah? Do you believe that the Lord can heal? And then the healing does happen.
SPEAKER_04It's beautiful what God does. Amen. I love that that it he's really working on our hearts. That's what he's after, and that's that's Jesus. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Um a little bit about about more about freedom. Can you talk about when we learn an encounter about freedom from and freedom to, like what we're getting free from and where we're going with that freedom?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So um there is a lot to say about that because a lot of people kind of confuse what freedom means, right? In this particular aspect of freedom, it's really freedom to, and I'm gonna kind of take my own liberties, right? From what I've interpreted as well from an encounter and just being a student and now a teacher, is that there is freedom in Jesus where I'm just like, wow, like I am beloved and I don't need to live in this fear where all of my actions are coming from a place of fear or anxiety, but in a place of conviction and courage that the Lord walks with me and the Lord knows me and sees me and loves me. So there is that kind of freedom, right? And then freedom towards just this life that like the Lord wants to break bondages, he wants to break the bonds that we have in in the enemy. And so what there's a really cool quote that I learned a few years ago that the bonds from the enemy are not put there by the enemy. He gives us these bonds and these chains and we put them on ourselves, right? And so when we feel like we are trapped or surrounded by darkness, when we feel like, oh, I can't move, I can't work, I can't act, I can't think, I'm I'm so like enthralled in my own anxieties and my own sadness and my own depression. Um, there's been theologians that say, yeah, well, actually, like those are those are bonds from the enemy, but we have to come into agreement with those bonds for it to even have power over us. And so when we talk about the freedom that can come from Christ, it's almost like showing the Lord, like, oh Lord, these bonds, I don't know what I was doing. I was, I was confused, I was lost, I was alone. I put these on myself. Can you break them for me? Right? Breaker of bonds. Can you give me freedom in this? Give me healing in this. And when we just do a simple prayer of invitation in that, so much can happen. It's actually, there was one time I was praying, um, and someone was praying an inner healing for me, and I was seeing all these chains over my wrists, right? And I ask Jesus, Jesus, can you heal me from these chains? Can you help break these bonds for me? And I kid you not, in prayer, in my imagination, I just saw these chains that were made out of metal turn into um pipe cleaners, you know, when those those crafts, those pipe cleaners, yeah, how kids will play with them and they'll bend them. And I just saw the bonds that I felt were keeping me down and keeping me enslaved turn into pipe cleaners. And Jesus was showing me, I was like, Yeah, I can even turn these chains into something like crafty and into something plastic, something that kids play with. And I just remember being in that session, kind of just like kind of taking it apart slowly and be like, wow, it's this easy. I've come to this like realization that even the lies that I'm embonded in are nothing compared to what the Lord can do when we invite him in. So yeah, does that answer that question for you? Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04Yep, absolutely. So, how would somebody come into agreement with these bonds?
SPEAKER_03That's a great question. I think that there are times where just as much as the Lord knows our heart and has our plan for us, the enemy knows our heart as well, right? And has his own plan for us. And so there are definitely areas in our lives where um, you know, in our choosing or not, we could definitely be a product of the people in our lives, our parents, our families, this external factors that can create doors for the enemy to work in and enter into. And so I can't say that every single bondage from the enemy is something that we've come agreement in. Sometimes he just works in the darkness and whispers. So basically, when people um kind of come into this agreement, there's there's a sense there that one, we were just very fragile and vulnerable in our in our times and our lives, right? And then there are times where people really seek out lives from the enemy. They seek out more of like a secular lifestyle. They get into drugs, they get into drinking, they get into partying, and that you can come into full conscious agreement with what the enemy is doing. And then there are times where it's like, oh, you know what? Like, for example, that example I go back to of feeling unworthy and feeling like my identity depended on how I did. That was just a moment where I was young, and it was a moment where I was fragile and vulnerable to all the lies that the enemy was whispering in my ear, and I came into agreement to it. Like, oh, you didn't do well, you must be a failure. You know? Oh, you you lied this one time, you must be a liar. So the enemy will exploit just even our smallest sins and call it our identity. And so another example is oh, you talked back to your mom and you must be a bad daughter. He'll exploit even the tiniest of sins and make it our true identity. And that's not what the Lord's wanted, but that's definitely how someone can kind of fall into coming into agreement. Also, oh yeah, I did, I did disrespect my mom. I must be a bad daughter, or yeah, I did do poorly in this test. I must be dumb, right? And even just sins, failures, shortcomings, flaws, the enemy can use all of that and manipulate us into coming into agreement with it.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. And like you said, it can be subtle, it could be something you didn't even realize, or it can be deeper where we're actually knowing full well we're engaging in something that is harming us. But yeah, though it's those little subtle things where something happens, again, like a memory, and we make meaning about it, and then that we make that our identity. So powerful and to know God's voice versus the enemy's voice versus our own voice. And I think exactly, you know, knowing that that's not the way God would speak to us is an indication that, yeah, that's the enemy, just trying to trying to keep us in bondage.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and just a yeah, a little bit about that. Um perhaps you've already covered this in a different episode, but you know, when we're trying to really figure out what's the Lord's voice, what's our voice, and what's the enemy's voice, the Lord's voice is always loving, it is always encouraging, it is always uplifting and upbuilding, right? And so when you're like, oh gosh, like I don't know if that's from the Lord, well, did it encourage you? Did it make you feel loved? Did it make you feel whole? You know, does it actually speak to your identity and not through and not to your actions? And so yeah, um, yeah, thank you for sharing that part.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. I know now when I have these terrible thoughts like this is a spiritual attack, this is not the way God would speak to me. So I'm so grateful for that teaching and encounter that of hearing the different voices and knowing whose voice is whose. Right, right. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03And when the human voice comes in, is sometimes we kind of have to discern am I feeling this because I'm hungry? Feeling this because I just didn't get enough sleep last night. Like, am I cranky because I got two hours of sleep, or am I cranky because this is a spiritual attack? Right. And so there's so much discernment in that.
SPEAKER_04Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Well, I think another important aspect of all of this is forgiveness, because healing does not work if we are in on forgiveness. So I'd love for you to touch on that a little bit. And that kind of goes in with sin and and confession. And they all could go together. Oh, yes.
SPEAKER_03And I I myself have experienced powerful healings in confessions. Actually, coming back to my reversion when I was a high school senior, it was through a confession that I met Jesus face to face. And that was a really powerful moment of me, a moment of healing, but also just a moment of true encounter. With the Lord. And so bringing that up. Are you willing to share about that? Yes. So actually, it funny enough, that actually ties into the whole story of the wounded memory. Um, so like I said, um, that was that state championship tournament the Lord was showing to me about where he wanted me to heal. And that kind of spiraled into me feeling self-loathing, self-hate, um, and just this really dark place of depression. A couple months after that, uh, I went on a senior retreat. And I honestly didn't expect anything from coming from that. I just thought, oh, a retreat's great. I just need some time away from my family. I'll just go out for this weekend and hang out with friends. And this Christian awakening retreat is what it was called. And I went in there and I just heard testimony after testimony that really started softening my heart of what the Lord can do. And on the last night of that retreat, there was an opportunity for adoration and confession. And I just remember walking up to confession being like, I don't know why I'm doing this, but I feel like God's pushing me to go. And I remember just sitting in front of this priest and just telling him exactly where I was in my life, how sad I was, how hateful I felt, how angry I was at not only myself or my dad, but at God. And he, I just remember crying and just confessing all these things. And this priest, I will never forget how he looked at me was how Jesus was looking at me with such tenderness, gentleness. And he looked at me like he really saw me in my heart. And he said, Jesus forgives you, you need to forgive yourself. And it he just put just the sacrament of confession, um, especially in just this little aspect, the graces that can come from it, is that Jesus forgives you, he loves you, right? And there was things, the bondages that I was holding on to is that I could not forgive myself. And so that was a moment where I was like, oh my gosh, Lord, you love me. You unconditionally love me. And there was this also this revealing moment where it's like, I hit rock bottom. I felt like the Lord that weekend broke me down. Like he just tore down all these walls, these bondages, so that he could build me up again, that he could re-like just remake me again, renew me again, like transform me again. And that was that was just that powerful revision moment I had with Jesus. And so I'm so glad that you brought up confession and the power of forgiveness in that. And if I could just share just one short testimony of that forgiveness prayer, you know, we we also believe that a lot of physical ailments that we have are manifestations of what's going in our interior life, right? Um, there's a book um that is starting to get a lot of attention, and it's called The Body Keeps a Score. Body Keeps a Score.
SPEAKER_04I'm not sure if you've you've heard it or read. I yeah, I I read it about 10 years ago. I'll link it in the show notes. It's yeah, it's really back again.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, in Christian circles, it's it's definitely coming back and kind of having this revival even in the medical field. And so when we understand that concept where the body keeps the score, there was a woman that I was praying for. She came up during an encounter event saying that she had these migraines, right? And so, and I'm sure Father Pablo already spoke about it in your last episode, but there are different ways that we can invite the Holy Spirit in and that he can heal. And so I remember praying for her, and I was really moved at first to just enter into a prayer of petition, like, um, Jesus, you are our healer. Please come and make your love known to this woman and heal her of these migraines, right? Very simple prayer of petition. And I checked in with her and she said, Oh, my migraines are, yeah, it was a nine and now it's a seven, but it's still there. And I said, Okay, let's try again. And right, and you know, this from Encounter, we like to pray three times. And so um, I I then did this prayer where we can actually ask to have the Holy Spirit break in into specific anatomy and physiological elements, right? And so I kind of pulled out my nurse practitioner brain and I was like, okay, in the name of Jesus, I just speak and pray that the Holy Spirit come in and fix any neurons and neuropathways and whatever's causing this migraine and any kind of inflammation I'm in her brain, Lord. I just pray that you heal that. And I said, Okay, checking in with you, how is it? How is your migraine? And he's goes, she goes, Oh, you know, I think that worked. That went from a seven to now a five, but it's still there.
SPEAKER_01And I was like, Okay, Lord, like, what is it? What do you want me? How do you want me to pray for this woman? I'm really contending for her healing. And I just got the words forgiveness come to me.
SPEAKER_03And so I was like, okay, ma'am, you know, we really believe in praying three times. Is it okay if I just try one more thing with you? And she's like, yes, yes. I just want these migraines to go away. And I said, Um, can you think of anyone in your life that you need to forgive? Is there anyone that comes into mind if we ask Jesus, Jesus, is there anyone that I need to forgive? And I had her repeat that with me. She said, Jesus, is there someone that I need to forgive? And she her eyes shot open and she starts crying and she said, My sister. And I said, Oh, can you tell me about that? And she said, My sister was driving when we got into a car accident, and that's when the migraine started. And I said, Oh, okay. And so I said, Are you ready to forgive your sister? And she just starts crying and she said, I thought I already had. I thought that, you know, this this happened two years ago. I thought you were good now. I thought I already had. And I said, Okay, well, I don't want to push you or pressure you. And as soon as I said that, she cuts me off and she's like, No, I need to forgive her. I need to forgive her again. Oh. And so we kind of just entered into from a physical healing um approach into like a very inner healing, very gentle approach of just going through these forgiveness prayers. So I just helped her and I said, Okay, repeat after me. And just know that Jesus is helping you forgive your sister in the name of Jesus. I forgive my sister for and she she repeated that and she just named all of the things that she was forgiving her sister for. I forgive my sister for um driving when this accident happened. Lord, I know this wasn't her fault, but I can't help but blame her because she was the one driving. And just it just became such an honest prayer of forgiveness. And she was crying throughout. And when we finished up that forgiveness prayer and we're kind of checking with her, giving her some tissues, she looks at me and she goes, My migraines are gone, it doesn't hurt anymore. Praise God.
SPEAKER_01So beautiful. I was crying with her, she was crying.
SPEAKER_03That was so powerful. Um, to to see her forgive her sister in that way, but then also receive healing in that way, right? And so, I mean, talk about how the body holds or keeps the score there. There must have been something that she was hanging on to that can can be redeemed and renewed by by simple forgiveness prayer.
SPEAKER_04I love that. Thank you for sharing your own example about confession and then this example. Um, so beautiful how how the Lord just is there with us in those moments where we have to be vulnerable because forgiveness is vulnerable. And that's where that's where we have to do our part. So Jesus does his part, and then our part is being willing to be vulnerable, to be willing to let Jesus enter, to be willing to sit with someone and allow someone to sit in that with us. And with you, it was the priest, and with this woman, it was it was you and your prayer partner. And so we do have to do our part, but our part is so much smaller than his part. But it does require the vulnerability and the willingness to not blame other people or blame situations and really just say, Okay, I don't need to hold on to this anymore. And it is preventing me from that full healing. So that's why I love being Catholic and having confession because yes, we can can we can confess our sins to God anytime, but actually, like you said, going in and having that priest look at you and he's in persona christi. So you felt seen by Jesus. And then that's kind of coming back to what we talked about before about the importance of being seen.
SPEAKER_03Yes, exactly. Oh my gosh. And and to also add, I love what you said, um, but also just the the reason why he's also after forgiveness in regards to others is that Jesus loves uniting families, he loves repairing relationships. And so when we speak out these forgiveness prayers that are very vulnerable, right? And it's like, I forgive my sister for this. Uh, you know, I I haven't been able to see her. She left that night, um, the woman that I prayed for. But I I have full faith that Jesus repaired something very strong in that relationship between the both of them. And that there were fruits of those forgiveness prayers, not just in her migraines and the healing of her migraines, but in the healing of their relationship with each other.
SPEAKER_04And again, that's what the Lord is really after. Absolutely. And the enemy is after division and sowing division between families. So it's like it, but when we bring Jesus into it, there is power. There's power in the name of Jesus. Amen. Absolutely. Oh so good, Kia. This this is just such such an amazing conversation. Before we go, I would love to know. You know, I this podcast is called uh the Living Whole and Holy Podcast and this ministry that I've created. And particularly when it comes to healing, I would love to know what you feel like it means to live whole and holy.
SPEAKER_03Yes. Um, so I I've been actually sitting with that ever since we first talked about uh you know coming into this podcast and having this conversation. And as a nurse, a nurse practitioner, I just really believe in holistic healing, right? Healing the whole person. And so when I think of healing, I you know, to be healed is to be whole, and to be whole is to be holy. And to be holy is to be set apart. And so when I I really sat with this in prayer, and I think that there are two parts to being on what it means to be holy, at least for me, there's there's one, the part of being holy is almost like a place of belonging and knowing your identity in Christ. But also to be holy is like a pursuit in holiness. And so what I mean by that is one, to be holy and to be set apart is to understand that you are not of this world, right? You were in this world, but not of this world. The Lord calls us to be set apart. St. Paul's tells us that in scripture. Um, and so it's this understanding that, okay, I am a beloved daughter in Christ, and that sets me apart. I cannot conform the things of this world. And if that's the case, there's a pursuit of holiness, which is the pursuit of just being more like Jesus in every aspect. And so that means to loving like Jesus, to praying to see like Jesus, to hear like him, to minister like him. Um, and and he is the holiest man. He is the model in which we base holiness from. And so when we seek out healing, when we seek out to be whole again, we are really just seeking out to become more like Christ. And not only for ourselves for but for the people around us.
SPEAKER_04I love that so much. That's beautiful.
SPEAKER_01Thank you, Holy Spirit.
SPEAKER_04Something else that's coming forward for me. Well, was there anything else that we didn't cover with inner healing that you wanted to touch on?
SPEAKER_03I think inner healing is probably something that we could talk for hours about. But I think at the end of the day, um, I just want to share that as much as we seek out healing for ourselves, and I think you said this, so many of us are trying to explore different modalities of healing. As much as we want that for ourselves and we want to be free and we want to be whole, the Lord wants that more for us than we want for ourselves. And so I want to honor you and sharing that, you know, it's just it's us being vulnerable. And in that vulnerability, we just meet Jesus where we're at, and he meets us. It's almost like this coming of, I don't know, the image of the prodigal son and the father, the father running up to us, but the son had to turn around and walk back to his father. And so there's something so powerful about communion when it comes to inner healing and freedom.
SPEAKER_04And then, yeah, that was what I was thinking was if there's anyone listening that has just tried so many modalities of healing up to this point, whether it was new age modalities or any other modalities except through Christ, what would you tell that person? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I I would say that first I would want to honor them. I would say, hey, uh, I just want to let you know that there is something so beautiful in your own journey of healing. And I want to honor you for the fact that you are seeking this out because you've realized in yourself that it's affecting you, but it's also affecting the people that you love. Right. Just there's a ripple effect of it and a ripple effect of our wounds, a ripple effect then of our healing. And so I would just share first and foremost that I honor you and I want to let you know that I see you, but the Lord sees you more, and that he wants this for you more than you want this for yourself. And if you really come into agreement and really believe that, then the next step is to invite Jesus into your healing with you because he wants this for you. He wants to transform your heart, he wants to make it whole again. And I would just kind of start there and just have just a more one-on-one in-person conversation of what that looks like, um, and maybe share a little bit of testimony of how the Lord has worked in my own heart, my own like existent heartness, right? My own heart of like um, like uh there's of course a fear of vulnerability and a fear of fragility that comes with that. But if you are tired of holding on to that, if you were tired of holding on to the baggage, quote unquote, that you carry, just let God carry it for you. Let take it to the cross and let Him carry it with you.
SPEAKER_04Amen. I love that so much. And I love that you said honoring their experience, because I think the tendency could be when you come from some of those modalities and you learn that where the root what the roots of them are from, and they're not always good roots. There can be a little bit of shame or oh my gosh, I can't believe I did that. Like I know I feel that way. I used to really be into astrology and I used to get energy readings. And but like you said, and what I realized for myself is I was seeking all those years. So it wasn't for nothing, and God allowed it for whatever reason. Um so I think honoring where someone has been is is a great starting point for introducing them to what Jesus can do. Because that's what he was with people, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03And and it's also just coming to this like realization that everyone is lost. Everyone is lost. Everyone. And so when you're lost, you're just kind of you know, grabbing at straws or throwing things and seeing what sticks, like just searching for truth. And the beauty is is that like if we're all lost sheep, there is a shepherd seeking out, seeking us out. Yeah, and and coming to that realization that's like, yeah, we are all lost, and like the Lord seeks us, but we also have to turn towards towards him if we can.
SPEAKER_04Amen. Yeah, and I love what you said about there being a ripple effect, and it's like healed people, heal people. Yes, exactly. The more healed we are, the more we can be that light of Christ for other people.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Amen.
SPEAKER_03Amen. Yeah, yeah. I don't like that narrative of like hurt people, hurt people. Yeah, well, healed people, heal people. Yeah, and the feeling can't stop just here. It just can't stop in us, right? And so you know, when Jesus goes out and tells his disciples to to free the oppressed and heal the sick, he's doing that as a as a two-for-one. He sees the lost, he sees the broken, he sees the ill, and he just wants their inner healing and their freedom too. Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_04Well, Kia, this has been such an amazing conversation. Thank you so much for what you're doing in the world and the medical field and also what you're doing in encounter. I had the privilege of having Kia pray over me the first time I went to an encounter event and I was hooked. And you just you you just pray with such compassion. And when you talk about feeling consoled and uplifted, I definitely felt that from your prayers. So yeah, that was a really special moment in my life and led me ultimately to an encounter. So I'm so grateful to be part of the school and to to know you and just all that you're doing for the kingdom. So thank you. Oh, thank you, Carrie.
SPEAKER_03I yeah, I just I want to let you know that this has um been such a blessed time speaking with you. And I I also just see like just the receptivity of the Lord working in your heart. And you're such a gracious host. Thank you for listening to all my crazy testimonies.
SPEAKER_05Oh, they were great.
SPEAKER_04They were great. I appreciate you sharing and being open, and I think that really helps whoever's listening to kind of understand how the concepts work. So we everything is about putting everything into practice so we can see the knowledge, but actually in front of us is where God's work is really fun.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah. And so I just, yeah, it's very much of a privilege to walk with you in your in your faith journey and encounter and um to be able to teach you a little bit of what I know. I'm still very much like a baby in this whole thing and a toddler now, maybe. But it's it's been great seeing you week after week kind of just growing your faith as well.
SPEAKER_04Thank you so much. Well, would you mind closing us in prayer? Yes, yes, I would love to. Um, in the name of the Father, name of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
SPEAKER_02Amen. Come, Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit, you are here.
SPEAKER_03Father God, I just praise you and thank you for such a blessed time speaking with Carrie. Thank you so much for the conversation that you've allowed us to share. Thank you for speaking through us, for listening through us, for allowing us to share our hearts with each other. Blessed Mother, I just thank you for allowing um the both of us to kind of just share the magnificat in our own hearts. You know, my soul proclaims the glory of the Lord. And then we were just able to do that in this conversation. And I just pray that it brings you honor and glory, Lord. I just pray for everyone that is listening to this podcast, this episode, Father, I just pray that you allow them to be felt seen and to be known. Lord, I just allow that you help convict their hearts that you want their healing more than they do, that you were waiting for them, waiting for them to come home, to seek the Father, to come into the Father's house again. I just thank you for all the people out there who are listening, who have been in this journey of inner healing and freedom. Lord, I pray that you honor them, that you meet them where they're at. I pray that you continue to work in their hearts, to soften it. Lord, I pray that you just protect them from any more further lies of the enemy, and that you continue to bless them with people who only speak truth, speak love into their lives. I pray that you continue to guide them to your son, Lord, and how that son, Jesus Christ, just leads them back to the Father. We just pray, especially um just in the intercession of Mama Mary, um, whose whose feast that we celebrated recently. Mama Mary, I just pray that you give us just a little piece of your immaculate heart. And even though it was wounded and pierced with a sword, as Simeon spoke in a prophecy, but um, you ultimately have just lived this life in Christ and with Christ. And that you teach us how to love like you, how to love the Father like you, and how to love other people like you. We thank you in advance for all that you were doing in our lives to bring us to more inner healing and freedom. And we praise you, Lord, for who you are to us.
SPEAKER_02And just ask that you continue to reveal who we are to you. We ask all of Jesus' sweet and powerful and holy name. Amen.
SPEAKER_05Amen.
SPEAKER_04Thanks so much for tuning in to the Living Whole and Holy podcast. If you're ready to dive deeper into life coaching from a Catholic perspective, I have a few spots available for one-on-one coaching. This is an amazing opportunity for you to work with someone who will empower you and support you to dream again with God, find more alignment, peace, and confidence in your life, and be the greatest version of who God is calling you to be. I would be so honored to support you on this journey. Send me a DM on Instagram at LivingHole and Holy for a free one on one call to learn more. If this episode blessed you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share with a friend. And remember, instead of doing what makes you happy, do what makes you holy. Until next time, God bless.