30. Whole and Holy Friendships

In this inspiring solo episode, I reflect on the beauty and purpose of whole and holy friendships. Inspired by a recent birthday gathering with close Catholic friends, I share how authentic, Christ-centered community can become a pathway to deeper intimacy with God.

We dive into Scripture, the Catechism, and the wisdom of the saints to explore why friendship is not only a gift, but part of God’s design for our flourishing. I also share the powerful story of how The Holy Spirit orchestrated an unexpected friendship through a silent retreat and the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

In this episode, we discuss:

•  What makes a friendship whole and holy
•  How holy friendships help us grow in virtue and holiness 
•  The fruits of the Spirit as a reflection of healthy friendships 
•  Why true friendship requires honesty, vulnerability, and growth 
•  How God uses friendships to draw us closer to Him 

Scripture & Catechism referenced:

•  Matthew 18:20 
•  Romans 12:5 
•  CCC 374 
•  CCC 384 
•  CCC 2347 

Ultimately, whole and holy friendships allow us to be deeply seen, known, and loved.

“There's nothing on this earth more prized than true friendship.” — St. Thomas Aquinas

If this episode inspired gratitude in your heart for a whole and holy friend, please share that with them and share this episode!

Connect with Carrie:

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Schedule a Free 1:1 Catholic Coaching Clarity Call with Carrie

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Welcome to the Living Whole and Holy podcast, where the Catholic faith and intentional living come together. I'm your host, Carrie Jane, a recent Catholic convert and Catholic coach, here to guide you toward a life that's rooted in Christ, centered in his love, and aligned with God's call. Whether you're a convert, revert, cradle Catholic, or simply exploring the faith, you're in the right place. Join me each week to hear inspiring conversations, including conversion and reversion stories, timeless wisdom from the church, and practical Catholic coaching tools that help you deepen your faith and intimacy with Christ, cultivate Christ-centered habits, and be transformed through the renewing of your mind. If you're ready to discover and align to the beauty and richness of a fully integrated Catholic life, you've found your home. I'm so excited you're here. Let's get started. And at the end of the evening, my heart was really full with the type of evening that we had, the joy that we had, and just how beautiful it is to be in such fulfilling friendships. And I think friendship is and being in community is one of the most amazing things about being Catholic. So I was very inspired to talk to you today about that. And there are so many beautiful scripture verses and sections of the catechism that also talk about friendship. So I wanted to share some of those with you. And then I have a special story about a recent friend that I met, and the way God orchestrated our meeting was just amazing. And I wanted to share that. And then I wanted to talk about some qualities of whole and holy friendships. So St. Teresa of Avila says, What a great favor God does to those He places in the company of good people. And I came across that quote the next morning after I was talking with my husband about the evening that we had with my friends celebrating my birthday. And I was like, that encompasses everything about the evening, about how grateful we are to be surrounded by people with the same goal, the same vision, the same love for Christ, and just to be in the company of people who get it, who get you and see you and know you and love you. So I love that quote. And then Matthew 1820 says, For where there are two or three gathered in my name, I am there with them. And that can apply to praying together. That can that can apply to just gathering together in community. You know, when we show up together with one common goal, which is Him, He does show up. Friendship is such a blessing, and God truly wills us to be in community in our Catholic faith. You can be involved in Eastern spiritual philosophies and new age philosophies, and never once is there an emphasis on that you need to be in community. But in Christianity, it's pretty essential in order for us to grow and continue to develop our relationship with God. We're not meant to practice our faith alone. God gives us the opportunity with holy friendship to grow not only in intimacy with each other, but in intimacy with God. And Romans 12, 5 says, so in Christ, we who are many are one body, and each member belongs to one another. So we need each other. And I found as I was researching this episode in the catechism that in the very beginning of the catechism, it talks about how friendship with God was actually man's original state. So this idea of friendship does start with God. In the catechism 374, it says, the first man was not only created good, but was also established in the friendship of his creator and in harmony with himself and with the creation around him, in a state that would be surpassed only by the glory of the new creation in Christ. And then further in Catechism 384, it says, Revelation makes known to us the state of original holiness and justice of man and woman before sin. From their friendship with God flowed the happiness of their existence in paradise. So our friendships with others actually flow from our friendship with God first. Our longing for deep friendship in the human heart is really a longing for Eden to be restored. So that's really interesting to contemplate and think about. And then the catechism also says in 2347, the virtue of chastity blossoms in friendship. It shows the disciple how to follow and imitate him who has chosen us as his friends, who has given himself totally to us, and allows us to participate in his divine estate. Chastity is a promise of immortality. Chastity is expressed in friendship with one's neighbor. Whether it develops between persons of the same or opposite sex, friendship represents a great good for all. It leads to spiritual communion. So God is so intentional about friends and how friends meet. And that's what leads me to wanting to share my story about how I met my friend Anna very recently. She's a very new friend. And I mentioned in a previous episode that I went on a silent retreat back in March with the Carmelite sisters at the Sacred Heart Retreat House in Ilhambra. And it's so funny when people ask, How did you meet Anna? And I say, I met her on a silent retreat because most of the retreat was silent. But before we went into silence, we did have a chance to meet some people. And Anna and I met each other in the gift shop of the retreat house. And I think she said something like, I really like your dress. And then we started a conversation and hit it off right away within the first couple of minutes of meeting each other and just felt an instant connection. And I heard the Holy Spirit say, You need to get her phone number because we're about to go into silence. And something was telling me that I'm gonna see her again. And so I said, Hey, I know this may sound strange, but can I get your number? Because I feel like I want to connect with you after this retreat's over. And she said, Yeah, and we exchanged numbers, and then actually, I don't even think she had her phone with her, but I took her number and then I said, Okay, I'll just send you a text. And we did end up seeing each other uh as the retreat went on. And Jesus was giving me this image of the sacred heart all weekend, and he was, I saw this image of him just handing me his sacred heart. So that's the image of the sacred heart was really on my mind, and it is a sacred heart retreat house. So that is kind of um a theme and an image that you do see uh around there. But I ended up crossing Anna's path at one point. We were doing a walking rosary, and she walks by and she's got something in her hand, and there weren't really other people around us. We just kind of had cross paths, and she drops something in my hand, and I look at it, and it is a metal, and on the back of it is a sacred heart. On the front of it was Jesus and Mother Mary, and then on the back was the sacred heart, and I was just like, wow, God really was listening to me when I was kind of feeling really called to that image of the sacred heart. I come to find out after the retreat, I ended up connecting with Anna, and she said, you know, I really felt called to get you a pendant with the sacred heart on it, a medal with the sacred heart on it. And she was like, I thought that might be weird though. I didn't know if I wanted to do that. And I she's like, I had a conversation with God, and I'm like, okay, if you cross paths with her, you'll give her the medal. And lo and behold, we ended up crossing paths. So long story short, I ended up connecting with Anna after the retreat. And we did not have plans for Easter, Shake and I, my husband, and neither did she and her husband, Ray. Our families don't celebrate Easter, and our friends were all with their families. And I said, Hey, do you want to come over and celebrate Easter at my house with my husband? And she said, Yeah. And then I ended up inviting another couple over as well. It was a beautiful gathering. And Anna and I have just grown in friendship in a very short time, but that's just how God works. God puts us in each other's paths for a reason, and we are still allowing that to unfold, and we just have a lot in common and are able to grow and learn from each other and bring each other closer to Christ ultimately. So I'm so grateful for Anna. And I just love how God is always working in mysterious and beautiful ways. So I wanted to share some qualities of whole and holy friendships. The first one is they are based on virtue. Just like in marriages, we do strive to get each other to heaven. We strive to get our spouses to heaven. In friendship, we should also be striving to get our friends to heaven as well. It's important to encourage each other to live a life that is obedient and pleasing to God and to grow ultimately in intimacy with Jesus. These types of friendships aren't centered around gossip, indulgence, or encouraging each other to do things that could potentially damage our relationship with God, others, or ourselves. These types of friendships have eternity in mind. They are Trinitarian and put Christ at the center. This type of friendship calls us to do whatever we can to help our friends get to heaven, even if that means having difficult conversations. These types of friendships call us to lovingly guide each other to holiness even when we fall short, and we all will. We live in a fallen world, we're all sinners. But there's this mutual pursuit of holiness and ultimately of getting to heaven to reunite with our Creator. People in whole and holy friendships, they are reliable. People in whole and holy friendships pray for each other in good times and in bad and make sacrifices to be present for important life moments. These types of friendships are not based on convenience or selfishness. These types of friendships celebrate each other's victories and their hearts break for each other in the storms of life. I think in the Catholic faith, we have such a beautiful opportunity to pray for our friends, pray rosaries for them, to pray a novena for a specific intention, to offer up a mass when someone's suffering or their family's suffering, and to offer our time and attention when crisis happens. Having people to call on in those moments is so important and really is the difference between feeling lonely and feeling like you do have people surrounding you. They see each other with Eucharistic eyes and ask Jesus to help them see each other the way he does. And I talked about this in a few episodes back about seeing and being seen with Eucharistic eyes, which is what I also learned on my retreat, the retreat where I met Anna. And I think holy friendships are really defined by being deeply seen, known, and loved. Those are the types of friendships where you can feel safe to be yourself, safe to feel vulnerable, and safe to be honest. These friendships are rooted in and produce fruits of the Holy Spirit. I was thinking about that so much the morning after the gathering I had at my house this past weekend, how much joy there was, how much goodness there was, how much generosity there was. I was not expecting to get gifts. And the thoughtfulness that these ladies put into these gifts and the generosity just blew my mind. So if you want to know the quality of your friendships, look to the fruits of the spirit and see what kind of fruits your friendships are producing. And I've mentioned before that we are a reflection of the five people we spend the most time with. So if you're not sure whether or not you should be friends with people in your life, see what kind of fruit that friendship is producing. You may need to prune the tree. Whole and holy friendships are vulnerable and rooted in honesty and truth and encourage growth and discomfort. Yes, discomfort. I just recorded a podcast that I can't wait to share with you all. And my guest was saying that she deliberately seeks out uncomfortable situations. And I think when you are in meaningful and deep whole and holy friendships with people, you want to encourage the other person to be uncomfortable because that's where growth happens. We can have blind spots in life, and a true friend will support you in seeing your blind spots and sins you might not be aware of. And we also need to be open and receptive to people being honest with us. There's a mutual respect that we can call each other out when what we're doing in life may be taking us away from our relationship with God. This type of friendship allows friends to encourage each other to be the best version that God has created the other to be, and also to avoid staying in comfort at the expense of growing in holiness. This is really key. A good friend will tell you like it is with compassion. And really, sometimes those things might not be easy to hear, but ultimately we want to become the greatest version God has called us to be. And if we're living in blind spots or we're living with an unrenewed mind, sometimes a friend can be the person that can point that out to us. And if you have one friend like that, you are extremely fortunate. Whole and holy friendships are not an accident or a luxury. They are a pathway to God. We do have to put the effort in. That's why I said they're not an accident. They require growth. They require attention because we do have to work for them. We have to make an effort. And God really truly wants us to have the joy of friendship. They can be such a place in our lives where we can experience God's joy. And I love this quote from Thomas Aquinas. He said, There's nothing on this earth more prized than true friendship. So I hope this episode inspired you to see the value in whole and holy friendships and to take a look at your own friendships and see where you stand with them, ways to encourage you to build community and to see how God truly sets up these connections in our lives to help us ultimately grow closer to Him and to enjoy the time that we have on this earth to experience joy with our friends. And you can see God delights in nothing more than our friendships with those around us. And I think God loves when we notice the ways that he brings his people together and how our friendships form. So I hope this episode inspired you to be in gratitude for the friendships that you have. And if you're feeling like you want to build more Catholic community, I hope this episode inspired you to look at the different aspects of what makes a whole and holy friendship and to encourage you to get out into community, to seek community within your parishes and the events that happen. There's so many things that the Catholic Church offers for people of different ages and friends are out there waiting for you. And I hope that this episode inspired you. And I hope you have a great week. God bless. Thanks so much for tuning in to the Living Whole and Holy podcast. If you're ready to dive deeper into life coaching from a Catholic perspective, I have a few spots available for one-on-one coaching. This is an amazing opportunity for you to work with someone who will empower you and support you to dream again with God, find more alignment, peace, and confidence in your life, and be the greatest version of who God is calling you to be. I would be so honored to support you on this journey. Send me a DM on Instagram at LivingHole and Holy for a free one on one call to learn more. If this episode blessed you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share with a friend. And remember, instead of doing what makes you happy, do what makes you holy. Until next time, God bless.