Dealing with disappointment

A short, sweet, and vulnerable episode talking about what it has been like to date again after a long break from it. So grateful for you each of you <3

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:16

Okay. Test. Hello, everybody. So this episode's going to be a little bit shorter than usual. Um, it's kind of just gonna be like a little girly talk episode. Um, I went on my first date in two and a half years. So I wanted to just update you guys on that and what that's been like. Getting back into dating, especially now, like knowing the Lord. Um, yeah. So I'm gonna go ahead and just get into it. Um, so my friend and I, not this past weekend, but the weekend before, went to a Catholic speed dating event. Um, which first of all, there were so many people there. I think they said there was like 180 people there. I was not expecting that at all when signing up for it. Honestly, I was like, I don't know like how many people are gonna go to this. Um, but yeah, I was really surprised. Um, but yeah, so when you registered, you just gave your name and then like your age range that you were interested in. So when you then got there, they already like had your dates picked out for you. Um so they give you a piece of paper that have all your dates' names on them and the order you'll see them. Um, and then all the girls got assigned a number at a table. Um, so the girls sat at their number the whole time, and then the guys would move around the room based on like what number they were told to go to based on their list. Um yeah, so it was 24 rounds and then 12 rounds, back to back, 10 minute break, the rest of the 12. And in the first half, I remember telling my friend when I saw her in the bathroom. Um, I was like, I'm just like, I'm not really having a bunch of luck, like nothing's like sticking out to me. Like I my the first half was just not super good. Um, but I had a lot better luck in the second half. So there was this guy who we immediately just like hit it off. Um very attracted to him, and like we were just like really bouncing off each other really well. And yeah, it was really good. And I like wanted to keep talking to him, talking to him more, and you know, we kept talking even after the event some, and then they also had like an after party at a bar down the street. So I was talking to him there more, and like we already exchanged numbers there before like even the official match form came out. Um, so like it went really well, and like we really hit it off, and you know, even that first night we were really talking about like even our faith a little bit. I mean, as much as we could, you know, trying to hear each other over the music at the bar. But um, yeah, and then we ended up going on a date um this weekend, and it was really nice, and I really liked spending time with him. Um, but I just kind of realized like we weren't really the right fit and I didn't have peace about it. Um, so I ended up telling him that, you know, I just I really enjoyed our weekend and the time we spent together, but that it just it just wasn't really a match. And even though I'm the one who ended things, I have been really sad about it. Um I've honestly like cried about it quite a few times, um, which I'm like part of me is like Kristen, it was one date, like what is going on? And then I've really just been reflecting on like what this date like meant to me, and just kind of like I don't know, I don't want to I don't know if it's necessarily like the weight it carried, but like kind of in a way, just because this was my first time getting back into the dating scene after two and a half years. So even like that right there alone is a long time. Like I wasn't during that time, I wasn't like texting guys, talking to guys, like it was literally just me and the Lord, and um yeah, so like just that gap of time like definitely made me like more excited and really hopeful, and yeah, just thinking like, oh, this could like be something, and yeah, I think also then the fact too that I was going into it, um, you know, now knowing the Lord, like I mean, even that is just huge. Like beforehand, when I was dating, it was just I was dating out of a place of insecurity, and I was getting my value and my identity from was there a guy interested in me, or do I have a boyfriend? And that's where I was getting my worth from was through my dating life, which was not good, not good. Um, yeah, and literally from like age 13 to 24, I was always with a guy in some capacity, whether that was a boyfriend or something more casual or you know, just talking, whatever that may be, there was always a guy at some point in some way. But yeah, just approaching it now from the mindset of okay, I know now more of what I want in a person. I'm not just dating out of insecurity or just wanting somebody to have someone around and enjoy, you know, the good the perks that feel good of a relationship. Like, I know I want somebody who's who shares the same faith as me, like that is the number one important thing. And you know, someone who has a relationship with the Lord, like that is that is my top in number one. So the fact that this was you know a Catholic dating event was already checking off one of those big boxes. And um, you know, even as I was talking to this guy, like just hearing about you know how he practices his faith. And yeah, I was just like getting really excited and really hopeful, and I was like, wow, like okay, maybe this could like actually lead somewhere. And you know, it was just different approaching it with Christ at the center of it, and you know, having a better idea of like, okay, what kind of person do I actually want, and like who would I actually be compatible with? Um so yeah, I think it was also just the difference of dating before Christ and now dating for the first time with Christ. I don't know, it just it was like it's a big thing, and yeah, and then also just now dating for the first time without my mom, you know, that's something too. Like, she was always the one that I would talk to my dates about with, or like she was always the one that I would, you know, debrief about my dates with and let them know let her know how they went. And you know, I didn't have her to do that with this time, and it just like that emptiness and that hole was definitely like really felt, and it honestly wasn't really something I anticipated, like you know, when I went into a date and stuff like that, and even thought about going back into this. I yeah, I don't know, I just didn't really think about it. But then once it started happening, and you know, once I told the guy like things weren't gonna work out, like all I wanted was like to talk to my mom and to update her and let her know how it went. But yeah, yeah, so I've just been like sad, but also like proud of myself at the same time, just for being able to recognize when something wasn't working and being able to stop it rather than continuing with it, because in the past I would have just ignored that gut feeling of like uh I don't, I don't really, I don't really know if this is right. And I would just like brush that gut feeling off and be like, oh, like it's okay, but this and but that and it just never worked out. And yeah, in the past, I would have definitely kept seeing this guy that I went on a date with, and that would have just not been good for either one of us. Where now I'm can be like, okay, this sucks. I really don't want to do this. Like, I didn't want to end things with him, but I knew there was because I didn't feel that peace and didn't feel like there was like that long-term compatibility, I knew there wasn't a point, you know, but I didn't want to end things, and it was just like this feeling of like making the right decision, even though it sucked. And yeah, yeah, so there's just been like lots of mixed emotions of like being able to see my growth over this time. Um but also just like feeling sad and like I don't know, disappointed and letting I don't I mean kind of letting go of the hope that I had, but also not letting it go and taking it into like okay, well God that just wasn't meant to be and God has a plan. Um I guess it's more not being hopeful like with that specific guy. But um yeah, so it's been just like lots of feelings, dating for the first time in years, and um yeah, yeah. So that's about all. I just kind of wanted to share like what things have been like the past like week or so and what it's been like getting back into the dating world. But yeah, that's literally it, not too much, but yeah, just wanted to share with you guys. So I will talk to you guys next week. Love you, bye.