having a boyfriend is embarrassing

welcome to the bliss with britt podcast. ♡ enjoy a soft, mindful listening experience with topics rooted in living a life of love, pursuing peace, and allowing childlike joy to flow. i share my authentic being, truths, and beliefs as a young woman making the conscious decision to live in alignment with my soul's bliss. i wish to inspire you to choose your own bliss, through authenticity and love.

beauty is all around and within you.

♡ : https://www.brittanyleeann.co/

journal entry:

is having a boyfriend embarrassing? or is it assisting in deplenishing your own self-worth that is embarrassing?

it is easy to point at our partner/situationship to be the root of our unhappiness, to decide they are the reason for our sadness.

what is harder is asking yourself the question:

why am i still here?

it is not embarrassing to be open to love, to be honest, or to be let down. being disrespected is not embarrassing…

willingly microdosing disrespect is embarrassing.

excusing your own pain to exist with another is embarrassing.

& by embarrassing, i mean to the authentic nature within you.

it is sad to blatantly deny yourself.

you are worthy of an authentic love.

you are worthy of a love that in loving them, you are loving yourself.

the actions of another are not personal to you until you make it personal by giving it the stamp of approval, your presence. 

know that this stamp can always be revoked, it is never too late to choose you.

when someone does not see the true beauty of your love and make an intent to cherish it, that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

your worth is innate.

by brushing under the rug your own boundaries, happiness, and fulfillment, you rewire your ability to love and choose yourself willingly.

loving another becomes denying yourself.

your light is always shining; it is up to you on whether or not to uncover the habits you have smothered over it for so long.

do not take this as a source for self-hatred but as a source for self-revival.

for you did not know then what you know now, and the fact that it repulses you to repeat an old pattern is proof of your growth and an occasion to celebrate.

you were doing your best for your perceived capability for joy, but you know better now.

sometimes we cannot name our pain, so it comes out in a need for partnership, feeling as if being chosen will heal all the shadows in our beings.

your shadows are not meant to be hidden but meant to be pursued.

you transmute your shadows into light by grasping the lessons, grasping the pain, and allowing your true feelings to be addressed.

as you put it into practice, denying what does not align with your peace becomes the most intoxicating addiction of all.

may you allow self-love to be the guiding light in your life.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Having a boyfriend is embarrassing, or is it? Hi, I'm Brittany and welcome back to Bliss the Brit the podcast. The other day I was on the phone with my friend and somehow we came across the topic of that article that came out a couple months ago or maybe even a year ago now, but it was titled Having a Boyfriend is embarrassing. I don't think she had ever seen it before, so I kind of just told her what it was about. And as we chatted about it, I'm pretty sure she brought up something. She was like, I feel as if, yes, like having a boyfriend can be embarrassing. But is it more about the partner or is it more about you? And that kind of just sparked my mind. I heard that I was like, I'm making a podcast on that situation, on that topic now, because it is so so true. Like, yes, in relationships, there are moments when you can feel let down in a way your partner does something that it just is like, what? Like that's weird, that makes me feel weird, that's not something I align with. But do we take it personally upon ourselves and become embarrassed by it? Or do we see it, become aware of it, and do something about it? I think the embarrassment, it comes from the accepting of the action for it's not having a partner that is embarrassing, it's not having a boyfriend that is embarrassing, it's not being with somebody who does things that aren't acceptable. That is embarrassing. It is your you giving it the stamp of approval is the embarrassing part. And it's not even I would I don't even think embarrassing is the right word. And more than embarrassing, it's sad. It's it's turning your back on yourself, on your values, on your on your true being. Because when you're with somebody that does not allow with allow, that does not align with you, the things they're doing does not align with you. They're not respecting, they're not honoring, they're not valuing, they're not truly loving, cherishing, and catering to you. You feel it in your soul. So in the acceptance of it, in the fueling of this relationship that does not serve you, it's like tearing yourself in two, and it's sad to settle so openly. Because sometimes we call it embarrassing, but it's not even embarrassing. It's just it's sad. Because to do something to accept less than what you deserve, it shows a lack of self-worth, a lack of self-love, a an ignorance hidden. It shows that you think that that is the love that you deserve. And I literally was scrolling today, I saw something on Instagram. I'll try and link it down below. But she said, she was on a podcast and she mentioned, she said, if somebody told you, I can tell how much you love yourself based on the partner you chose, if that makes you feel good or bad, it's saying something. It's saying something about your self-love, who you allow in your circle, who you allow access to you, who you give your love so freely and openly to. It says something about yourself. And I feel as if that is the part that can lead to that deep feeling of embarrassment when it comes to a partner, is because you know that you're choosing to be with somebody who does not truly align with you. So that feeling of embarrassment, it is a misalignment. It's a it's a red flag shining within yourself of like, hey, why am I with this person? It's a feeling of this doesn't sit right in my spirit. Why am I doing this? It's a big flashing light of hey, maybe let's look. Let's see what's beneath here. Why do we keep choosing to get with quote-unquote bad guys, quote-unquote bad girls, people who mistreat us? Why do we keep allowing toxicity to flow? Why do we keep our mouth shut and allow ourselves to be disrespected on the daily? Why? What is there? Are we afraid of being alone? Are we hiding from something? Are we running from something? What is it? What is there for the true embarrassing thing is hiding your true self, hiding your true being. It's not being your authentic self, or it is hard at times to be your authentic self because to have a partner, yeah, it feels good in the moment. It feels so good in the moment, but if it's not the right partner, if it's not somebody who honor, values, respects, and loves you, it's doing more hurt than it's doing more doing more fun. It's doing more hurt than it's doing more good in your life. And it's important to instead of always pretending to blame the other person and throw so much poison on the partner, look in the mirror, allow the situation to be a mirror of oh, if I'm saying that this person is embarrassing, if I think this person is embarrassing, if I think this relationship is embarrassing, ding ding ding. Why am I in it? Why? I think the embarrassing, the sad, the embarrassing part is the honestly, just not the lack of self-worth, this lack of self-love, the lack of self-knowing, for I can look back in my life. And I've had some embarrassing moments when it comes to relationships. And I think most of those feelings that I can feel is it's like it's kind of like a self-righteous feeling sometimes, as if I sat through you and you did all these things, and you're gonna act this way, you're gonna do this, you're gonna do this again, you're gonna do that again. And I think you want to throw it all on them, like just step up, just step up, and really you got to look at what you're running from, which is you not stepping up, you not honoring, valuing, respecting, and loving yourself, you doing that to yourself. It's so easy to blame another. But if you can look at yourself and say, why am I here? Why am I having this conversation for the fifth, tenth, a hundredth time? Because I don't want to be alone, maybe. I can say personally, that was my feeling. I I really, really, really wanted to be in love and to have a partner and to be valued. I love and I cherish the feeling of being with someone, but that doesn't mean that I want to be with just anyone. And when I'm out here, they say, what is it they used to say growing up? It's like not boy crazy, but it's like how they'll say to guys or girls, they're like, what did you do to them? They're going crazy. What did you do to them? They like, how you feel as if you're going crazy in a relationship. I think it's because you're you can't ever feel true peace in something that is not truly meant for you. You're always going to be fighting for it, you're always gonna be trying to make them somebody that they're not, instead of being okay with being alone, being okay with being alone. And when I look back to the embarrassing moments in my life, I remember my first love after we broke up. He broke up with me. I had a breakdown in my car. I was hitting the steering wheel, I was crying, boo-hoo crying, I was screaming, y'all. It was a breakdown. And like looking back at it, I could say it was embarrassing. At the same time, it was in that version of me, it was earth shattering, it was world shattering. I was feeling broken. I was feeling so sad. I was, I felt so lost because I had put everything into my partner for they were the world. They were the sun. I didn't value truly anything other than their happiness. My happiness was their happiness. So, what am I gonna do now that the center of my world is gone? What am I going to do now? I didn't have that sense of self. I didn't know who I was, I didn't care to know who I was then. I only wanted to cater to my partner. And that part is embarrassing. It's not the having a partner that is embarrassing, it's the lack of self-worth that is embarrassing. It's the without them, what are you? And with them, what are you? Is this serving you or is it serving you or are you simply serving another? And in that breakdown, I was so so so so lost. And now to look back to me, I think that was like almost 10 years ago now, which is so crazy to think about, but it's just it's just so interesting for the embarrassing part will always be not choosing you, not valuing you, not loving you, not honoring you, not respecting yourself, that will always be the embarrassing part for when something truly honors your being, it can't really embarrass you. And even if even in another situation where you are like fully like in your worth, in your self-love, and you're in a relationship, and your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your partner, they do something that is embarrassing, that is toxic, they do something that is just like what? Even then you don't take it personally because it's not embarrassing to you. It's sad and it's embarrassing to mistreat somebody who is truly open and open and open to loving you, but it's not embarrassing to put yourself out there for it is once the action happens, once the thing happens, you can see it. Use your awareness and take with that what you will, either go in the other direction or put your foot down. But you don't turn your back on your boundaries, you don't leave your boundaries in the dust. For I I had to learn how to be repulsed and disgusted by being disrespected for when you grow up with this of this unbalanced value on partnership, you and also mix of an anxious attachment style, and your partner is the center of the world, you kind of accept anything, and if they disrespect you, if something goes wrong, toxicity, you kind of just an apology is enough, and you're like, okay, please do better, please do better, please do better. But you have to teach yourself that disrespect is not something to be brushed under the rug. You have to take all these things that you've put under the rug and allow yourself to face them. Say, you know what, I'm not afraid to be alone because I love myself. I know I'm not ever truly alone. There's a divine purpose, the divine is always with me, the divine is always on time and never too late. Beauty is all around and within me. A breakup has to happen. A breakup is a blessing for my presence is sacred. To be in my circle is a sacred blessing. Therefore, disrespect disgusts me. Disrespect literally repulses me now. Instead of instead of microdosing disrespect in your life, you have to literally like treat it like poison, disgust. Like, why would you disrespect somebody who truly loves you? Why would you take advantage? Why would you ignore a boundary? Why would you take true love for granted? That should be something that repulses you. And the embarrassing part is romanticizing disrespect. It's never about the partner for their actions. They're not personal to you, but what is personal to you is your reaction to it. If you allow it, or if you're okay with going without somebody who is a misalignment to you, are you going to convince yourself of being someone you're not, or are you going to allow yourself the most beautiful alignments in your life? So yeah, I don't think having a boyfriend is embarrassing. I don't think being in love is embarrassing. I think being in love is one of the greatest gifts in this world. But what is sad, what is damaging, what is embarrassing is glorifying a misalignment, glorifying toxicity, glorifying disrespect, or your love of your life wouldn't do that. Your love of your life would not do that. So this person, they either need to level up, or you're more than okay with going on your own and allowing the divine to bring to you your divine union. You don't have to you can't change a person. That's something that is personal to them. And if they wanted to, they really, really would. If they wanted to, they would. And it should disgust you if they don't, because that means they don't want to. And I think it's important to also say there's a difference in a partner who is let me put it this way, in school. There's a class clown that's just doing everything for jokes, they're not taking anything seriously, and they're getting an F in class. And then maybe there's another kid who just really just doesn't understand the lesson, and they may fail as well. But the difference is one kid is just playing around, not taking anything seriously, disrespecting the teacher, not listening, while the other one, they are listening, they are trying, and they're slowly or maybe dramatically making improvements for you know in your heart when it's true and when somebody is just playing in your face and your feelings, and it's important to clock the flags, allow yourself the awareness, don't blind yourself, put on rose-colored glasses, just become aware. And if you are somebody who has the patience in a relationship to really get into it and to cater to it and to learn and grow together, yes, I love it. And if you're somebody who doesn't have that patience, I'm not gonna tell you to be a work in progress, but I'm gonna say it's a beautiful thing when you can meet somebody fully face to face. And some things you can grow in when you state them and it's received well and it's like fixed immediately. Yes, beautiful, but other things, blatant disrespect. Like, no, I don't, I don't want to be of uh, I don't want to be of toxicity, and I won't, and you don't have to be. It's embarrassing to, and when I say embarrassing, it's not like, oh no, somebody's gonna make fun of me. No, they're gonna see me. It's not embarrassing in that way, it's more like embarrassing to myself to deny myself. That's the feeling. It's just self-like self-denial, like not a I'm not gonna dull my own shine just because I want a partner, because I don't just want a partner. I want what is divine, I want a divine union, and what is divine for me will feel divine for me. I'm not gonna have to brainwash myself to be with another. I encourage you to start getting disgusted by disrespect. Let it repel you. For we are not desperate for a partner, we are not desperate for love. We are love. Our nature is love, and the more you deny what is not for you, the more clearly open you are for what is for you, the more you are willing to grow and trust in what is meant to be for. It's hard to attract your divine blessings when you're putting out this energy of, you know what, I'll just take anything, you know, even if it's not for me, I'll take it. I'll take it. This feels terrible, and I hate the way it feels when this happens, but I'll just keep accepting it. Like, no, you're meant to be a beautiful, open, loving being, and that takes that takes discernment with who the who you allow access to your beautiful energy. So yeah, I love you, and embrace true love in your life for we don't have the patience for any less. I love you. Beauty is all around and within you. Later.