speaking up for yourself

welcome to the bliss with britt podcast. ♡ enjoy a soft, mindful listening experience with topics rooted in living a life of love, pursuing peace, and allowing childlike joy to flow. i share my authentic being, truths, and beliefs as a young woman making the conscious decision to live in alignment with my soul's bliss. i wish to inspire you to choose your own bliss, through authenticity and love.

beauty is all around and within you.

♡ : https://www.brittanyleeann.co/

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi everyone and welcome back to Bliss of Brit. Today I wanted to talk about something that I've tossed around in my head a whole lot and I'm still not even to a clear conclusion on, and I think it's that's okay. Not everything is black and white. Sometimes it's a beautiful in-between. And I think this topic is one of those topics that's a beautiful in-between. So when it comes to, I guess the let them theory, where basically whatever anybody does, it's simply the response is let them and you do what you are meant to do, which is be kind, choose yourself, honor yourself, respect yourself, and what they do is up to them. Like just release it into the universe, let them do what they do, and instead you focus on you. And sometimes in my life, not even sometimes, I know I have in my life in that confused it with silence. Like you see what's you take disrespect, and as a response to that, you kind of just see it and don't address it, and just choose happiness instead. And I think in that you're doing yourself and the other person a disservice for awareness is such a gift, and not even just awareness, but simply you are worthy to be heard, and when you are disrespected, when you are hurt, when another pains you, you deserve to be able to address it, to say it. And I think the confusion in that or the toxic side of that, the confusing side of that is when you speak with an intention of gaining a certain response instead of being open to, I'm saying this to honor myself, and that is it. I'm saying this out of respect to myself, and that is it. I'm not saying it to get this person to come crying on their knees, apologizing. I'm not saying it because I want to fight. I'm simply saying it because it deserves to be said. If you are disrespected, you your voice is worthy to be heard if that aligns with your being to say it. And like I said in the past, I was more just quiet, like, oh, that hurt my feelings. I kind of just internalized it and came to my own assumptions regarding the situation instead of addressing it to the other being, the other person. And when you internalize it and you don't even give the other person the opportunity to become aware of the response that their actions cause, it's like I believe we're all meant to be golden golden links in each other's lives. Florence Scovelshin talks about that in her novel, but we're all gems to each other in their life. Whether or not that gem is one that you would call positive or negative, we're always teaching each other something. And sometimes your lesson to another can simply just be that is not tolerable. Like what you just did, it's not kind, and that is not allowed. And there's two ways to go about it. You can receive the uncomfortable situation and like internalize it and walk away, or you can receive the uncomfortable situation, feel it within yourself, what was uncomfortable, and then let them know, hey, this is not okay, and then walk away. And it's just it's really up to you personally. And I think I sometimes in the past would have it on my spirit, like I need to address this, this hurt my feelings. They like it's worthy of being said, and instead of speaking, I would be quiet out of fear of the response when really no matter what the response is, my soul deserves to be heard. And the root of this, like in my life of blossoming, blossoming, this is the root of this blossoming, blossoming, said it twice. The root of this concept really blossoming, okay, really blossoming in my life is when I had a conversation with my dad that I wasn't courageous enough as a child to have for my parents that got divorced when I was, I think, in middle school, and I internalized a lot of that. I felt disregarded, I felt unimportant when it come came to my dad's side of things because my mom had full custody, I was with her, and you know, sometimes they say like the phone works both ways, but you're a child, and of course you miss your father and you'd love to see your father. But if you don't feel the same initiative from your dad, the more the adult initiative to form that connection. As a child, it hurts. And I internalized it and I never truly had the conversation. I tried sometimes, but I would just kind of burst into tears out of the confusion within me, the want to speak and then the fear to speak, and it was all just clash. And so as an adult, last year I finally spoke to my dad and I told him all the things I felt as a child, how it festered within me, how that seed of insecurity grew and affected me throughout my life because I'm worthy of being heard. And if this person is going to be in my life, I deserved, they deserve and I deserve for it to be an honest relationship. I don't want a relationship in my life that's kind of void, that it's not met equally with true authenticity. And yeah, I just put it all out there, and I think the reason that I knew that I was ready to have that conversation is because I came to a point within myself where I realized, oh wow, this, that divorce, the lack of a relationship that followed, that really affected me in a deep way in relationships in life, of kind of just in the back of your not in the back of your head, but in the depths of my soul, there was just this shadow that I was unwilling to address, and I was trying to trying to get rid of it in relationships, and it would always come out in a feeling of not being enough. And when I came to that realization on my own, and I was talking through it with myself and with family, and really just talking with God about it, the divine, most importantly, I began to release it, the hold on me release through the awareness of it and the speaking of it, and the gift of finally shining light and transmuting that shadow into light through beautiful, beautiful, beautiful awareness. And if my dad is someone who I would like to be around and be feel safe in the company of, and anybody who is in my life, I would like for them to for it to be golden. So therefore, if that relationship is to thrive in my life, I knew it was necessary to be honest and to let that let that shadow out so it doesn't blossom into resent. And because that little girl inside of me, she deserved to be heard. Her feelings deserve to be heard. And once I spoke it to him, I had already realized I am worthy of everything. I'm worthy of love, I'm worthy of the world, I'm worthy of being heard, I'm worthy of all these beautiful things. So therefore, no matter what he says, even if he is incapable of understanding my pain, to still speak it and be honest and give him the chance to understand and to improve from that and to release myself from this, from this part I didn't know I was playing of just the happy daughter who would take everything. And I think that's a role that many of us unconsciously play, whether it's the laid-back girlfriend who just takes everything and doesn't really address it, or the laid-back friend, or the laid-back whatever it is, we unten we unintentionally sometimes play that part because we're not ready to address and make a situation uncomfortable. But in the discomfort is where growth is truly possible, in the unknown is where growth is possible. So we had the conversation and it went actually, it went better than I could have ever imagined. It was received well, and in the speaking of it, piece of me, pieces of me healed, just releasing that from my soul. And his in his response, a spark of a potential new understanding and mutual respect and love was formed. And it's you never a lot of times in life we're viewing it through our personal lens of I don't want to talk about it because you know I'm good, whatever, I'm good. We don't need to talk about it. I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. But there's the other side of it where you never realize what your unspoken words can do for another person. And I'm not saying like they are deserving of you to pour your heart out to them. No, I'm not saying that, but I am saying that if you are disrespected, if somebody intentionally or intentionally does something and it causes a misalignment in your relationship, you are more than worthy of letting that being to be heard, not simply because you deserve to be heard, but also it gives the other person opportunity to grow, opportunity to change, opportunity to become aware of a potential anchor for growth in their life. Whether or not it's just a misalignment or whether it's a, like I said, an anchor for growth, something that they can improve and take into other situations. It's it's a gift mutually to speak your mind. For when you hold your tongue, sometimes it can not stunt the growth, but push away the growth of both of you. You'd have to wait a little bit longer to learn to speak, and they'd have to wait a little bit longer to realize their toxic behavior, their cruel behavior. And it's beautiful how how like simple the concept is, but how like grand it is to realize every person we come across, every thing we that comes out of our mouth, there's a beautiful anchor for growth in it. Every relationship, there's a beautiful anchor for growth in it. And in settling, whether it's in relationships and family and friendships, when you hold your tongue, you're stunting both of you from growing, you're holding the mutual growth back when you feel in your heart the most authentic feeling of this isn't right, let me say it, and you decide not to out of comfort. You're you're settling for both of you when out of honesty you can really grow and flourish and shine and and something more beautiful than you could ever, ever, ever, ever imagine. And the key truly is speaking out of the most authentic, aligned manner and not out of ego of I did all this for you, and out of ego in like a Canada's dating coach. If you don't know her, I follow her on Instagram. She is, I really like her videos, but she mentioned this thing. It's called an ego rush or wave or something like that. But it's when you feel that heat, whether you think it's embarrassment or it's anger, it's more like just like an ego of you feel the rush, and when you're in that energy, you say things sometimes that you don't mean out of anger, out of hurt, out of whatever the emotion is pulling upon. And when you feel that, the most important thing to do is ground yourself and then address the problem. When we when we address the problem out of that state of anger, out of sadness, out of just the rush, the red hot energy. Sometimes we just say things we don't mean because we're unintentionally in a way. I don't what's on my soul to say is harming another, not hurting another, but of course you don't want to hurt them, but when you're hurt, sometimes they say hurt people, hurt people. When you're that in that rush of the ego of anger, that's where you go to initially, is just getting all of this venom out of you and onto the other person unintentionally or intentionally. And when you're in that state, it's not the easiest to be heard because it's kind of fighting fire with fire, and it's not really, it's just yeah, fighting fire with fire. So when you ground yourself and you come to a more stable point and you can say clearly and concisely how you feel, I feel like in that you're honoring yourself by honoring your feelings, honoring your being, letting it yourself be heard, and not even in a you're gonna hear me type way, but like uh just the most pure, honest, authentic way of this isn't okay, this is what happened. Yeah, I'm going a I'm going in the other direction, whatever it is, just say it, and whatever the reaction is, it doesn't affect how you say it, if you get what I'm saying. It's like I'm gonna speak my mind, not because of however react whatever reaction I want from you. I'm not gonna manipulate your reaction, it's more of like a I'm saying this because it's my truth, and you can respond in your truth, but I'm standing firm in my truth and being heard, and that allows them to respond in whatever way aligns with them, whether their reaction is more ignorant to your feelings or accepting and wanting to improve, then you do whatever you want to with that, you listen to your intuition with that. But the beautiful part is that you honored your feelings and you spoke honestly, and yeah, sometimes sometimes you don't realize the narratives that your silence can write, and I'm not even saying that's a good or bad thing because personally I don't know if it's a good or bad thing. I'm still figuring out how I feel in regards to silence versus speaking. I think personally where I'm at right now is when it's a relationship that is cherished, like if it, you know, them personally, family, friends, relationships, that's more when you address and move on. But if it's like a random person on the internet trying to harm you or a misunderstanding, in those situations, it's not as necessary to speak your mind because they're already out of your orbit, so there's really no point. And usually when that happens to me personally, when a comment comes across and it's ill-intentioned or not really ill-intentioned, but quite ignorant, I just I'll either block it if it's cruel, or I'll just say, bless them and go about my day. But when you allow someone access to you and in response, you receive um a misalignment that could result in a disconnection or that is resulting in a disconnection, I think I think we owe it to ourselves and to the other to state it and let it be what it is. For I was just thinking about this when I was in the shower. It's if I was the person who hurt somebody, I would want to know what I did. And treat people how you want to be treated, and I personally I would like to I would like to learn and grow, and I would like to be a golden link to everyone I come across, and I would like to, when I have kids one day, and I tell them, like, oh, I once had this friend or I was talking to this guy, and that happened. They're like, Well, well, mom, how did you deal with it? Well, what I did is I told them that that was unacceptable and it was cruel and it was harmful, and and that's not allowed in my orbit, and that's how that went. And they either stepped up or they stepped out. And I think that's a beautiful way to go about it. Because I can't I can't lie, I've the intention is to live a life of bliss, and there's times where I've when you're not as settled within yourself, when it's out of ego, when it's out of I can't live without this person, when it's out of fear, the words you say can be quite cruel, but it's because of that that that passion, that anger, that hurt, that fear, that this, that, that. But when you understand that we're all mirrors and you don't know what somebody has gone through to make themselves process things the way they process, the way they process them, you see it with a little bit more of a lightness. And that doesn't mean that you have to sugarcoat your feelings. No, you can still be honest, you can still be brutally honest about how you feel, but you're not saying it just to harm another person, you're not saying it so they can feel the way you feel. You're saying whatever you're saying for the sake of honesty and honoring you and awareness and being authentic and not denying yourself your purest self-expression for you are, like I say, you are the partner of your dreams and you deserve to live an honest, true, fulfilled life. So if you it's not your job to make another person comfortable, but I think it is, I think it is one of our beautiful purposes in this life to be mirrors to one another and to allow them to I learn from my relationships as they learn from their relationships, and I with if I withhold the truth of our relationship, then what really is the point of that relationship, you know? Uh so yeah, that's kind of where I'm at with that. I think we're all learning from each other, and the best way to learn from each other is to be truthful with each other. So yeah, let me know what y'all think about this topic and this conversation, because it's one that I've like I said, I struggled with it in the past, and then as I got to the root of the struggle. And I address the struggle, then I really blossomed to a person that was way better at addressing my feelings. And sometimes I can choose peace and just not really address it at all because you know what? I'm over it. It's not really worth it. But at the same time, on the other side of that, is I can be over it and still be capable and worthy of honoring what happened in the situation with honesty and awareness. And by stating, hey, like I'm cool, like this relationship isn't really necessary to me anymore. However, this is what happened. And take with that what you will. Either they'll learn from it or they won't. But you did your part. You are the beautiful mirror. You were the beautiful soul, and you shine bright and truthfully to you. So yeah, we're all just learning how to be our own, how to be our own and also be with one another. And I think that's a beautiful, beautiful thing and a beautiful, beautiful gift. So yeah, this was Blizzy Frit the podcast. I love you. Beauty is all around and within you. I encourage you to speak your truth from a state of peace and fulfill fulfilledness. And yeah, I'll catch y'all on the flip flippity flop. Love you later.