Episode 19: The Truth About Joy No One Talks About

Joy isn’t something we wait for, it’s something we choose. In this episode, we explore what it means to practice gratitude, embrace emotional honesty, and choose joy even when life isn’t easy. We talk about why acknowledging our struggles is essential for resilience and how daily gratitude can shift our perspective. Because joy isn’t found in perfect circumstances, it’s found in the way we choose to see them.

Mixed & Edited by Next Day Podcast

info@nextdaypodcast.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Welcome to the Become Unshaken Podcast, where we journey through the hard together. We're so glad you're here. Welcome back to the Become Unshaken Podcast. My name is Stephanie Rodriguez.

SPEAKER_02 0:19

And I am Michael Rodriguez.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

And today we are talking about choosing joy. Now, we've talked about this many times over the course of many different episodes, but today we're talking about a few aspects of joy in particular. One is emotional honesty, really being upfront and real about how we're feeling, how we're doing, and the importance that gratitude plays. I'm so excited about this conversation. If you can't tell, so excited. Joy is just so often misunderstood. People think joy is the absence of hardship, but that's not how we define it at all. Real joy isn't fragile, it can exist alongside struggle. That's something Michael and I have learned deeply through our own experiences, and we're here to talk about it today. Research shows that gratitude practices actually change our brain chemistry, boosting dopamine and serotonin, which improve mood and resilience, which we talk about often. So gratitude isn't about pretending everything is perfect. It does start with being honest emotionally. How are we doing? Right. So today we're talking about how telling ourselves the truth about what we feel is actually the gateway to choosing joy. I'm so ready for this. Yes, you are. Let's do it. It's just one of my favorite conversations because we often talk about the difference between happiness and joy, which is where we'll start again today. But I actually think this is the part that starts some really interesting conversations with folks because I think the fact that we say you can choose joy, it confuses some people. And it actually prompts a really interesting dialogue about whether or not you can choose joy amidst hardship, right? Isn't the hard thing just hard? You know, how can you choose joy when you're struggling? And so it's just the the most fun conversation we can have with folks because we do, we do really believe, truly, and we've lived it, that it is possible. So so before we dive into that specifically, let's talk about the the difference between happiness and joy because I always think it's the best place to start when we're talking about joy specifically. So you start the conversation and I'll I'll pop in.

SPEAKER_02 2:29

We say, you know, happiness is circumstantial. And I think a lot of times we use and hear happiness and joy synonymously. And I think that's why, you know, you mentioned it. We we talk about what we're doing with with friends, family, people, you know, other parents on on teams. Like, what are you up to? And we're saying, Oh, well, we're we started a company and you know, we're trying to teach that you can have joy no matter what's going on in life, no matter what difficulty or hardship you have. And they're like, What?

SPEAKER_00 3:02

It always stops.

SPEAKER_02 3:04

I mean, they are they are they are, and and I would guess that most people continue to define joy. Number one, the way that we define happiness, right? Which which is circumstantial. And because we consider it or people consider it circumstantial, when there is hardship and difficulty, well, it is taking my happy. These circumstances are terrible, and as a result, I'm unhappy. Forget thinking I'm gonna have joy. I'm actually just not happy. And I need this to change, or I'm going to remain unhappy. And so, you know, I think that's where number one, the confusion comes in when we mention this. But but again, we say happiness is circumstantial. You want to be happy, you know, go watch a good movie, go eat a yummy meal, you know, have have someone send you a nice card or a thoughtful text message, or you know, you go buy a car. I mean, whatever it is.

SPEAKER_00 4:04

You get all the green lights going to work.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

That's right. I mean, whatever it is, right? When when circumstances are good, yeah, when someone or something gives you what you want, when you know you get something that brings you happiness, wow, that's that's great. And again, we also say, listen, don't hear us any other way. Having happiness is great. And enjoying nice things, kind things, good things, whatever it is, that is all wonderful. We just are trying to protect ourselves and our kiddos and our tribe from having despair and hopelessness when circumstances don't go our way, when we hit red lights every light on the way to work, when our coworker or our spouse says something and we go, oh, that was kind of hurtful. That was that was a little sharp.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

Wait, did I say something recently?

SPEAKER_02 5:02

No, you did not. Well, let me rack my grain here. No, you know, and so when when something takes that happiness, when when you don't get that raise that you wanted, or you don't get that promotion, or you can't, you know, get that loan approved for your home or for your car or whatever it is, right? When you get sick, or you know, gosh, we've had three rounds of strep and flu. And listen, kids aren't happy when the kids are sick. I'm not that happy, right? It it takes a lot of work, right? And and and all of that to care for and to do all those things. Those things are all tough. But unlike happiness, joy is a way of being, and it's a way of kind of remaining grounded, it's an anchor. No matter what happens, while circumstances are tough, a situation is less than favorable, you know, a million things happen in this life day in and day out. We all know it. We can't allow circumstances to result in total despair and hopelessness. Instead, we want to acknowledge that these things are hard and painful and sad and hurtful and scary, all of the things you can feel, all of those things. We feel all of those things, and yet we can still sit down on that couch, lay down in bed at night, and have joy.

SPEAKER_00 6:44

Yeah. If you if you ever wonder why some people don't feel phased by circumstances, right? So your flight is delayed, traffic is is is mounting up at work, there's there's some new construction that has stopped you from being able to get where that's a real lived experience, right? We're dealing with it right now. Some new construction situation is stopping you from being able to get where you would normally get to in eight minutes, and now it's taking 30. And so how much that affects you, how how much it takes you down is a real reflection on where you're at. So it's an audit to do for yourself. But if you've ever wondered why some folks don't feel phased by that, it is likely because they are they're holding on a perspective that keeps them out of that swirl, right? And I would hope, we would hope that they're anchored to a purpose, a greater purpose than than something that circumstantially they can get shifted from easily, right? And that's my gauge too on how I'm doing, if I'm truly anchored to my purpose or if I need to spend some moments in silence to re-anchor, is how quickly I can get off course by circumstances. Something going wrong here at the house, at work, on the road, traveling, you name it, that is my gauge of how well I'm doing anchoring to what matters.

SPEAKER_02 7:59

That's right. And so we would say that if circumstances really throw you off rather easily, you are shaken. And again, we seek to help all of us become unshaken.

unknown 8:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:14

Right. And and so you you talked about right there. Again, it's it's not about, listen, please hear this. Again, we're we're opposed to toxic positivity. We don't just say, oh, everything's fine. Ignore everything, just pretend like everything's great and you'll be okay. No. We want you to fully accept and acknowledge whatever difficult situation you are going through. And you are allowed to feel all the feelings, you are allowed to feel a certain way that no one else understands. That's okay. But we want you to be able to re-anchor, and we say it go to silence, re-anchor in silence, re-anchor to that purpose, and use that purpose to fuel your resilience to lead you to joy, regardless.

SPEAKER_00 9:00

Yeah. This is the perfect tie-in and segue to emotional honesty because we we we do talk about toxic positivity and being overly optimistic and positive about everything. You know, quite frankly, it's not real. It's not possible. Not in my life. Some people can try, but but that's is that the goal, right? Is the goal to try to make everything positive? Not necessarily. Sometimes you just have to look something for at it for what it is at face value to say, this, this is not good. This is not a good development, and it's not bringing me any sort of happiness right now and dealing with that moment. There are plenty of issues, and I could go back in even this past, this past 24 hours, these this past week, that I can say, well, that didn't go as planned, right? And so being real and honest about that, calling you and letting you know, calling my best friend, calling my sister, my mother, and saying, gosh, can you believe this just happened? I feel terrible about this. And being honest about that, letting that moment live for whatever it was, but then being able to move on from it because it doesn't define me and it doesn't define my sense of joy. But that honesty, that honest moment with yourself and telling yourself the truth has to happen for you to actually be your true complete self.

SPEAKER_02 10:23

I completely agree. And one of the things that I'll say also is, you know, I spent there were situations going on in my life multiple times where I would suppress and I would hide, you know, the difficult and the hard. And, you know, I just I did not want to acknowledge how it was making me feel, just out of fear of feeling the yuck. Just didn't want it, right? And and I think one of the other things that was really freeing for me was I would have some difficulty, and I would bring that to the light, right? To to you, bring it to my mom, or bring it to you know, people in my tribe that I trusted. And all of a sudden, a little perspective comes in, someone else is sharing in that difficulty. All of a sudden, now that burden doesn't go away. And I mean, 99 out of a hundred times, the situation doesn't change. But because I say it out loud, I acknowledge it, I acknowledge its weight, right? It actually removes the power of kind of the despair that it gives, right? Again, nothing got easier. Most times things don't immediately get fixed. But being honest about how you're feeling, saying it out loud to someone else, again, taking out of the dark, putting it into the light, and saying, This is what's going on, this is how I feel, all of a sudden, no, it just feels a little less heavy.

SPEAKER_00 11:58

Yeah. I want to talk to the folks that would be receiving phone calls like this. Cause now you and I have both spoken about the people that we would be calling in those situations, the folks that we reach out to in our own tribes to receive that emotional honesty from us. So if you're that person receiving that call, I absolutely beg you, do not try to solve the problem for them. You won't be able to. I think you bring up a good point. Now, if that's what you're asked to do, if you're asked to help solution and plan and and figure out the path forward, great. You know, dive into that role if that's what you're asked to do. But most times you're there to receive, be a safe place for folks to land and say, okay, you have let it out. You have let it kind of breathe a bit and then give that perspective, right? Give that moment of clarity that that person might not be able to see. Help them just feel like they have a safe place to land for a moment. I think that's what's really important when you're the receiver of that emotional honesty.

SPEAKER_02 13:02

Absolutely. And and, you know, we we talk about a tribe. If you don't have a tribe, you need to get one. And, you know, I say it in the book, we say it routinely to couples and to people who are really talking to us about their tribe or who we may be a part of their tribe. You know, you need to be able to have people that you can rely on, be open and honest with, but then you've got to reciprocate, right? Every relationship is reciprocal. And so you got to make sure that you're not just a taker, and you got to make sure that you don't have friends and and people within your group, your tribe that are also just takers and not giving, right? Not not listening, not supporting, not lifting up, not helping you re-anchor, refocus, uh, you know, all of those things. And so, you know, say your partner matters, the people with which you let into your inner circle matter. And it's always good to take inventory of that, especially before a disaster, because you want to make sure you've got the right people and that you are the right person for others in those moments.

SPEAKER_00 14:08

Yeah. So let's talk about how this relates to resilience because I think that that matters too. So, why is emotional honesty and practicing emotional honesty, why is that so important for resilience and for a resilient mindset?

SPEAKER_02 14:23

When we when we deny reality, you're you're automatically putting yourself back. You can't even begin to address issues if you deny there are issues. And so I'm an open book, literally. Now I I wrote a book, right? So who I am, what I think, the way in which I live, it's it's written down. There's there's no denying it. I have never seen value in not being an open book. And why? That's because then there's no guessing. There's I don't have to guess about how I'm feeling or where I'm going. You don't have to wonder or consider or guess, or hey, this is how I this is what's going on. This is terrible. And I would love your support in any way in which you can offer it to me, right? I can't get help if I'm not open and honest. How often do we ourselves or people that we know give us a bunch of half truths, half the story, and you're so confused, man. What why is this still an issue? Why is this going on? What is happening? I'm not following, and you know, they talk about it for seven, eight, nine times over three months, and then all of a sudden, you get some giant piece of the puzzle, and you go, oh man, we it hasn't gotten fixed because we haven't been addressing the issue. So, in my opinion, I don't care where you are, what the issue is, honesty about it is the answer. And if if you don't have people that you can be honest with, you need to search for more people. Because the only way we get help is if we are honest and open and recognize what is going on. So something terrible happens. This has been a rough week financially, all kinds of bills coming out of anywhere and everywhere. If I am just brooding and upset and quiet and closed off, nobody is benefiting and nothing is getting better from that. Right.

SPEAKER_01 16:38

So what do I do?

SPEAKER_02 16:39

That's it. You're just swirling. Nothing. And if I say, you know what, this is up to me. I got to be strong enough, I got to be resilient enough, right? Now, you want to talk about uh a toxic definition. Resilience is not enduring more than anyone else can and saying I'm tough and I'm gonna go through and I'm gonna buck up and cowboy up and get on my horse and keep on trucking. No, that's that's not resilience, right? We we're teaching resilience. Resilience is actually a skill, and resilience is four values and they're actions and they're things that you can choose to do every day. It doesn't fix the problem. What it does is it strengthens you, it gives you strength, and it leads you to joy regardless, right? And so that is what we're teaching. It is not ignoring how you feel, denying reality and saying, it'll be fine. I just have to hold on and get through it. No, we're gonna work through it.

SPEAKER_01 17:30

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 17:30

We're gonna, we're gonna strengthen ourselves, we're gonna strengthen, be strengthened by our people, by our family, by our tribe, by those that we trust and whom love us and care for us and lift us up and whom we do the same for, right? And collectively and collaboratively, we are going to take this on. You don't get that help by not being honest. Gotta happen.

SPEAKER_00 17:54

Yeah. Well said. And that's, I think, the misperception of choosing joy, regardless, because it is not, it is not an easy thing to do without intent. It is actually a conscious choice you're making because you have perspective and you are considering far more than whatever is in front of you in that very moment of struggle or hardship. You're absolutely saying I can actually anchor to a purpose and something that matters to me far greater than whatever hardship or struggle I am facing today. And on top of that, I can also choose to be grateful. I can choose to have gratitude because I have perspective on life as a whole, on everything that's happening as a whole, not just this one moment or complex issue or struggle that I'm facing in this moment at this time. And that does take a tribe, it does take intent, and it does mean that you have to make that choice. But you don't do it easily and you don't do it kind of flippantly. This is absolutely a lifestyle and a mindset to embrace.

SPEAKER_02 19:05

Yep. And like anything of value and anything that lasts through hardship and hard moments and hard times and difficulty, it takes practice.

SPEAKER_01 19:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:16

Right. And so, you know, when we say choose joy, you don't just wake up tomorrow never having made that choice, never having done the work, right, to build this unshaken mindset, and all of a sudden say, you know what, I have the capacity to do? Choose joy. Now, now if you do, that's great. And if you do, I I would argue that you probably have this mindset and your character is probably pretty close to what it is that we're trying to teach and what we want to have happen, right? But but it only becomes a choice when you put in the work and the effort to have the resilience and the mindset necessary to get to the place of choosing joy. And again, that's that's why we exist, right? Is we want to help everybody build that muscle of resilience, which leads to the strength and the capacity to choose joy. Yeah. And again, I think that's why when we when we in 60 seconds give our elevator discussion or elevator pitch to choosing joy, like, what? What are you talking about? Choose joy. Well, if you've got uh 40 minutes, just go ahead and listen to our podcast and we can explain it to you, right? And so, you know, again, it is it is effort, it is a choice to invest in this, invest in this mindset, invest in these values. And and again, we also say we're we don't have to be perfect.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_02 20:42

You're you're just every day is a new day, and you get to choose, and you're gonna get to choose differently. And if you don't like what you did yesterday, guess what? You got a choice today to do it totally different. And you just want to build enough momentum and you want to put enough good days together to where this becomes more natural. And over time, you are then empowered and strengthened and capable of choosing joy, and that is what we want.

SPEAKER_00 21:06

Yeah. And it's almost like we're encouraging that you embrace your imperfection. We absolutely fight against perfection as this lifestyle, as this mindset is really formed. Because if you are so focused on perfection, you're missing, you're missing the point and you're missing the opportunity for emotional honesty. And if you don't have emotional honesty, if you're not being real, and we're talking about truly transparent and vulnerable with yourself and with your tribe, then you can't get to a place of gratitude and you have to find yourself there. And and we absolutely believe in the importance of gratitude, and that comes after being truly honest with yourself about where you are and telling yourself the truth. Because when you get to that place of honesty, then you can transition to the perspective that you need to be grateful for what is good. For what is working, for what you can look to to say, that's my North Star right now. I'm gonna focus on that. I'm gonna focus on this part that I can be grateful for. And it can be small. It can be just the one habit that you've now formed that is moving you in the right direction towards the life that you're trying to build. It can be the fact that you had a conversation with someone that you've been meaning to have that is giving you energy and positivity. And and you can look towards that as something that is positive in your life right now. It can be a warm cup of coffee that is giving you a moment of just grace and peace in your crazy busy day. But that gratitude shifts your mind, and you cannot be in a place of misery and discomfort and frustration and anger. You can't be there and grateful at the same time. Gratitude shifts your mindset to the right place at the right time, and it's why it's so important. So I have a question for you.

SPEAKER_01 23:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 23:02

So how did gratitude change your perspective during hard times? Any any moment you want to reflect on? It can be something of the past or even something more recent.

SPEAKER_02 23:15

Boy. Yeah. You know, I don't know. Work is tough for everybody, right? And so I would say there's just no way that I go seven days without some form of disaster that puts me in a tight spot and a tough position, right? And this week was absolutely no different. I've got landlords coming out of the woodwork with bills of tens and twelves and sixteen thousand dollars. I've got water leaks in multiple stores that are going to require, you know, the most fancy equipment that, you know, it's a thousand bucks for them to hope to find the leak that's already cost you a thousand bucks in lost water. No one can figure it out no matter how many times you call and they look and we look and where I dig and all those things. It it does nothing. You know, at the size that my restaurant portfolio is, I I get bills that can't be paid for straight cash homie. Right? It's just not gonna happen. And that puts me into tight spots and this family into tight spots almost monthly. And so it's real easy to swirl. Or be emotionally honest, or be emotionally honest, a thousand percent, right? And and hallelujah, I'm able to do that, and and I've come to learn to do that, and and I will say from experience, from weekly practice, I have learned that being open and honest about what you're going through and what's happening is just the best way to deal with with hardship and difficulty and to to give that to those that love you and care for you and trust you and that you do the same for, right? So, one, sharing all of that, right? But as far as gratitude, I still sit down at that dinner table and I silence my phone and I do everything I can to remove every terrible conversation and bill I've received in that day or that week. And I ask the kiddos how their day was, what their favorite subject is, who their best friends are and why. And I dive into my purpose and will set up an obstacle course in the playroom, or I will make them all uh go for a family walk outside in the sun to just remember that the world is not affected by my problems. Everything is still going, everything is still gonna be okay. We will survive one way or another. I need those reminders. Right? I also talked about this before. I've got a personal psalm that literally is three pages worth of hardship and difficulty that I overcame or that I survived. When it comes to bigger things, like when I lost my dad to cancer or my uncle to a heart attack, right? You you lose someone so close. One, I remember that they don't want me to be sitting here on earth miserable to mourn is fair. Uh, there are still times when my father passed away 15 years now. Oh my goodness, 15 years ago, and I still miss him at times, and I'll remember something funny about him, and the story will pop into my mind, and I'll tell the kids, and it's I love it and it is joyful, but it's also a little melancholy and a little sad, right? To to not have him here. I can still have joy, one, because they would want that for me, and two, because there are still some blessings, there's still some good thing that I have, right? And so I I've lost some very close, important people in my life, still fortunate and happy that I have my mother, that I have you, that I have our six children, right? And at the end of the day, I woke up. And when you are able to be grateful for things that you do not earn, did not earn, and you know, can be taken away at any moment, but you still have them. You gotta be grateful. Because the older you get and the more you lose, and the more difficulty you experience, the more you recognize the fragility of all of this. And you know what? Enjoy it while it's here. And and I think as a business owner, owning my own business has afforded me uh the opportunity to endure greatly professionally and to be tested routinely. And I will say that as a younger man, I would allow those things to really affect everything else in my life. And after years of practice and perspective, the reality is that those same trials and tribulations, honestly, have not gotten better and have not changed. I'm still afflicted with you know more bills than I have cash. But you know what? I'm able to separate the bad from the good. And that took a lot of time and a lot of practice and a lot of a lot of practice. And again, you know, we are not sitting here saying that we're perfect. I'm not perfect. I don't, I don't remain unshaken. I am unshaken, and when I shake and hardship comes, I am able to become unshaken quicker. And so, you know, a gratitude journal, like I said, a personal psalm really shutting off the chaos. Because listen, that's already gonna steal my money, and it has already affected enough of my day. I'm not gonna let it steal the time and the the joy at our littles baseball practice. I'm gonna be present and I'm gonna coach those little kiddos like my life depended on it, and we're gonna have fun and we're gonna cheer and we're gonna run around because being miserable in that is not going to make the hard any easier or make it go away. And so, you know, one of the things that I've really learned in my professional experience and over the last decade plus is that so much of the hard in this life steals enough. I don't need to give it more. And so when it doesn't affect some aspect of my life that I enjoy and get joy from, my purpose, I've got to maintain that perspective. And listen, it's hard, folks. It's hard. It is hard. Life is hard. But we have got to do our best to stay strong, to have that muscle of resilience, to oppose and to choose joy and to empower ourselves enough to not let the hard steal more joy. And that's incredibly important. So I so I will say again, practice and gratitude journals, personal psalms, perspective, you know, communicating with my tribe who can speak that same reality to me while still being respectful and understanding and empathetic, right? But but to say, let's focus on the babes right now. Yeah, let's focus on our health. You know, you I'm still walking, you know, I guess I can still walk.

SPEAKER_01 31:21

Right.

SPEAKER_02 31:22

And, you know, those little things that we take for granted with if you build enough of those little blessings that we take for granted and you put them to the forefront of your mind, you can really start to change the way in which you feel.

SPEAKER_00 31:37

Yeah. They are there. They're there, they're in front of us. We have to choose to see them. I think that's it's well said because, gosh, there's something you said that really resonated with me. This idea that the hard times, they they take enough. They steal enough of our energy and our time and and our resources. Why give it more? Why give it more space when you can choose to look elsewhere, to be grateful for the small things, even the big ones. You you may have bought a home in the past year, but you're struggling in some other way in your life, and you've you've just moved past that amazing moment in your life. Go back to that amazing moment of being grateful for that opportunity to do that for your family, for yourself. Don't just move past it so quickly because the the next corner is going to bring something else that you can easily spend time swirling around or find hardship within. But celebrate the moments, big and small, that you can find gratitude within. And I will say you you spoke of the family dinner table, and that's a moment where you can really look around and be grateful. And I think that that's that's a beautiful time. For me, my daily practice is before I even step foot on the ground. If I can be grateful in the moment that I wake up and open my eyes for what life is about to serve me, I'm, without a shadow of a doubt, going to see beautiful faces, the kids having breakfast, about to start their day. And I get to enjoy that moment with them. That is probably the thing I'm most grateful for. So when I get those times, I dive in best I can to just be able to start my day with my family. Now, granted, some of them make it a little bit more challenging depending on what their breakfast order is, but I say in jest, but that's something I'm grateful for that I get to be here in most moments, most days if I'm not traveling for that, for that morning routine. And I love it. And yeah, I know inevitably something's gonna come upon me that day that will take me off course. But if I can start my day with gratitude and I can end my day in gratitude, then I'm winning.

SPEAKER_02 33:55

Absolutely, that's great. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 33:58

So as we kind of wrap up our conversation today on emotional honesty and gratitude and the significant role they play in being able to choose joy. I would love to end with maybe just a question. How how can people practice gratitude even in difficult seasons when it almost seems impossible? How can they do it? How can they start?

SPEAKER_02 34:26

I'll say it right now, you've got to write it down. Because here's the thing when when we are in the yuck, it is understandably, very difficult, right, at times, given given, you know, depending on the situation, it's very difficult and and again, understandably so, to simply remember and be grateful. And so for me, in my absolute worst times when when I am just thinking, how much more is this world going to give? I can grab three sheets of paper, some of the most monumental moments that I survived came out of, and some smaller ones, right? But when you see all of the things listed out that are good, and again, that's it's in the moment waking up that day doesn't always feel like, oh yeah, great. Oh now I can deal with more of this, right? But the reality is because you did, you have the choice now to choose joy, choose resilience, choose gratitude, and and give light. You know, some of the some of the things that we don't even think of, but when I am down, if I go out of my way and I really push and grind to bring joy to someone else, I'm now filled through their feelings and their their emotions and through the way in which they received what I have given. And that's counterintuitive, right? Just like when we are in the yuck to find the smallest thing to be grateful for, because it feels as though the weights aren't equal.

SPEAKER_01 36:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:34

And again, we've said it before, the reality is that the immediacy of whatever the issue is today in the grand scheme of things, most of the time, isn't as big as something we've already overcome, we've already experienced, that we've already gotten through. And so that's why I think writing both your victories down over hardship in the past, but also all the things that you are grateful for, having it all written really can anchor you back into reality. And again, I'm not saying that what anyone's going through today isn't the worst thing that they've ever experienced. And if it is, you know, prayers to you 100%. And I hope that, you know, you find a way to navigate these things and to use the skills that you have and the things that we teach to help you anchor in and re-anchor quickly and to help you overcome and ease the pain and ease the hardship and again empower yourselves to oppose it and choose joy, find a way there. But a lot of times we just get stuck in the immediacy of how it feels right now, this very moment. I mean, how many times out of frustration will I say, Come on, kids, think about this, blah, whatever it is, right? And I think, well, that wasn't that serious. That wasn't really the appropriate response by me to have, right? The same with something that's really hard. So, oh my gosh. And then you think, oh boy, no, I've been through much worse professionally. I know that this will pass. We've just got to grind through it, no matter how nasty and how tough and how hard and how frustrating and disappointing and all those things. To remember and give yourself that perspective, both in gratitude and evidence that you've done it before, and a reminder that you will do it again. I think both of those things are so incredibly powerful and necessary, but it only happens if you take the time when you're feeling good and when you're not in the yuck to think of all of those things, so that when you are in it and you don't have the capacity to just do it, that it's already there waiting for you.

SPEAKER_00 38:36

Yeah, I love that. So it's something that you can use as an ongoing reflection, almost a tool for yourself, a resource for yourself to go back to. I love that. I'll add two things for myself. One that that is adjacent to that. It's it's more so it's writing it down, but it's writing it down, gosh, in the moment, that morning for me. I don't currently practice this, but I would encourage if you're looking for a new habit that you try it because I I know I know a few folks that that do this and it works so well for them, that they they they push themselves to sit down with a piece of paper and write it down. Write one thing, two things that that you're grateful for, that you can already start your day in that place. But the thing that I do currently practice every single day, somehow, some way I make this happen. I will show kindness to someone that I encounter. I will either express appreciation to a friend, call them and say thank you for for this, or or show appreciation for for someone I'm encountering in my day, or gosh, the best feeling to help somebody that you don't even know and show kindness to them. It changes your mindset and your perspective so quickly. And it's just paying it forward. Even if it's not, gosh, what you're feeling in that moment, when you in when you kind of push yourself to be that person that's going to make someone else's day better. You kind of spoke to this before. It's so powerful because it reminds you that you are able to make that choice. You're strong enough and you're capable of choosing to have joy and to show kindness to others. And that's so powerful.

SPEAKER_02 40:21

That actually helps you take a little bit of power back and a little bit of control back, also, right? To say, okay, this is all terrible. You know what? I'm actually going to oppose the way that all of this is making me feel, and I am going to combat it by doing the exact opposite of what it is doing to me or trying to do or whatever it is, right? And so that, yeah, no, that's that's great and very empowering.

SPEAKER_00 40:41

So empowering. And it's a reminder that joy doesn't come from a perfect life. It comes from prioritizing and protecting your purpose and having a grateful heart and an honest one. When we stop waiting for life to be easy and we start choosing gratitude in the middle of all of it, that's when joy becomes unshaken. We're so happy you joined us today. We hope that this conversation resonated with you. If it did, share it with a friend, share it with someone that you love, share it with someone that that this could matter for, that this could make a difference for. We encourage you to do that. We also encourage you to join us online. Join us in a conversation on social or on our website at becomeunshaken.com. And of course, visit Amazon or Barnes and Noble to get a copy of Become Unshaken. Joy Regardless. We hope that you choose joy today, and we hope that you have an awesome day and week ahead.

SPEAKER_02 41:33

Everybody take care.

SPEAKER_00 41:41

Until next time, choose joy, regardless, and whatever comes your way. See you next week.