Episode 25: You Can’t Do It All—So What Actually Matters?

Avoiding hard conversations or difficult decisions might feel easier in the moment—but it always comes with a cost. In this episode, we unpack how avoidance creates more stress, damages relationships, and holds us back from growth. From leadership to marriage to parenting, we explore how facing things early builds strength, clarity, and trust. This is your reminder: what you avoid today will demand more from you tomorrow.

Mixed & Edited by Next Day Podcast

info@nextdaypodcast.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:05

Welcome to the Become Unshaken Podcast, where we journey through the hard together. We're so glad you're here. Welcome back to the Become Unshaken Podcast. My name is Stephanie Rodriguez.

SPEAKER_02 0:18

And I am Michael Rodriguez.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

And today's conversation is one that I think hits every single one of us because we're all trying to do it all. And if we're honest, most days it feels like we're falling short somewhere. At work, at home, as a parent, and as a partner, maybe even as a leader. And the truth is, we've been sold a lie. The lie that you can have it all at the same time, in the same season, with the same level of excellence, without something giving. But here's what I've learned and what we're going to unpack today. You can't do it all, but you can do what matters. And the unchickened mindset isn't about chasing balance, it's about choosing discipline again and again. And we're here to talk about it all. So we had some discussion in preparation for this conversation today, wondering what does balance even mean, right? What, how would we define it in the ideal setting? And what do we think our listeners are experiencing? So we'll do our very best attempt at just being truthful and honest from our perspective, but also considering what your truth might be. But by all means, reach out to us, let us know what you're experiencing. We'd love to continue this conversation, probably beyond this episode, because we think this is a very real topic for many of us, just given how busy life is, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:34

For sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

So busy. But let's get into it. Let's get into the myth of balance. Let's talk about it, what it means, how we would even define balance. Do you think balance is even real? Or is it something we created to make ourselves feel better?

SPEAKER_02 1:49

Boy, I think the idea of balance, uh, you hear it often, I believe, right? I'm seeking balance in my life. I just need a more balanced life. And I think in theory, that sounds right, right? Because we have obligations that we cannot get out from behind, right? And then we have parts of our lives that we wish weren't consumed by these requirements of life, whether it's through your profession, whether it's through being a partner or a parent or you know, anywhere else that you are, life requires much. And so I think what we are really saying when we talk about the balance and having a more balanced life is boy, I wish I had more time for the things that I want to do.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:42

And so I think as an employer, right? But also as someone who works, and you know, we talk grind before glory. I grind in every aspect of my life. You know, the reality is, in my opinion, there's no such thing as balance. As balance. I believe that we seek to have balance and we have to do our very best to protect our purpose, right? We say that we must protect, prioritize, and pursue our purpose. The reality is this, you know, I had a couple of years when I started the business. There wasn't a lot of balance, and I couldn't afford balance. It's just a reality. Sure. So what I needed to do was in the moments that starting that business and the stress and the requirements of that business, when when they weren't there, I had to make the decision to lean into my purpose, to lean into my family, to lean into the things that were going to fill my cup. Because life would not afford me to do it conveniently and whenever I wanted. And I absolutely did more work at that time than I did focus on my own health or well-being, right? I wasn't going to the gym those first couple of years. All those things. So we want it. And in an ideal world, I believe that we could have it. But the reality is that there are seasons in which certain requirements are just going to have to be met and things are going to fall off the plate.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

Okay. So he's he's right now looking at the face that I'm making and he knows something's coming because very excited. Because I'm so curious about your statement. So that you think you don't if I heard you correctly, you're not sure balance is a thing. Can you even achieve balance? So let me ask you this. Did you burn out?

SPEAKER_02 4:35

Did I burn out?

SPEAKER_01 4:37

You're gonna say no.

SPEAKER_02 4:39

Boy, yeah. So, you know, define burnout. Sure. Right. Um, I would say that I believed, and I I guess I haven't done enough introspection over those first five years of work, uh, but I really didn't feel one that I could afford to burn out because everything literally was so dire. I mean, the first two years in change literally was fighting bankruptcy almost that entire time. I mean, we're talking six, seven, eight hundred days of trying not to go bankrupt. And then, you know, that's about when I one of my ridiculous loans kind of rolled off. So then there was like the belief that it was gonna get easier. But the reality was I still had two years of hole to dig out of. And so, you know, I don't believe I was able to afford to do it, did I? Yeah, probably, and and it looks different for everybody. So maybe I wasn't as mentally engaged uh certain weeks or who knows how long. Uh, but I would say, in general, life at that time, especially professionally, did not afford me the belief that one balance was even going to be possible, and two, there was there's no evidence that I could afford much other than a quick bite with, you know, then boy, my my youngest was probably two at the time, right? So, you know You took moments.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

Yeah. You took moments to kind of fill your cup and to kind of give you enough to keep going, never quite fully stopping because you couldn't afford to. And and now that I ask you the question, I actually I recognize it in myself too. We don't, we didn't burn out then, right? So you didn't burn out. I know that earlier in my career, I was working, I don't even know how it's possible, 14, 16 hour days, many days, you know, crack a dawn in you know, my office still, even, you know, when it gets dark out, it's nighttime, the kids are ready to go to bed. I'm still working, I'm still grinding, right? But but I will say there was there was a choice made. I I definitely made a an intentional, you know, decision to kind of grind the way that I did. So in a lot of ways, I was being fueled by it. In a lot of ways, I I was trying to achieve something. And so it was kind of keeping me going. And I would do just enough, probably similar to you, to just fill my cup back up just enough to keep pouring out. Right. And so, and so it just kind of was this cycle. And it was just, and at that time, I had the energy, I had the time, I had the intent, I had all of those things.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:22

But today I will actually tell you, I I recognize burnout far more easily in myself and in others. And I will, I will audit my time, I will audit how I'm spending my days. I'll come to you when I say, I'm getting close. It's coming, it's coming. And and I will have to find another approach. I'll have to find that balance. And it doesn't come in a day. And and this is something that you and I were talking about. It doesn't come in that day. I don't think balance is a myth, but I don't think it's achievable every single day the same way, you know, on an ongoing basis. I think it's seasonal, not fall, spring, winter. I think that it's it's something that we achieve over time when we pay enough attention to ourselves and our needs, how we're interacting with others, how much grace did you give that person that you were interacting with that day? How much grace did you give yourself for from missing the mark on something? How's your energy level in doing simple tasks? Right. And and I think when we we do our temperature checks, we understand where we're at. We then have to make a choice and change something about our day and and how we're spending it.

SPEAKER_02 8:35

For sure. And without a doubt, uh, you know, we we both put in that work when we were significantly younger. There is no way, I don't think that there is any way that if you threw me into one restaurant 91 hours a week and said, do this, I'm not doing that for five days, you know, let alone for two years. And then you throw in sleep on the floor and you know, literally have nothing every day. All you're eating is subway for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I mean, it's yeah, I don't have that kind of juice anymore, right? Like I am, I am tapped out in in that kind of grind, no doubt about it. And I will say, I think there's also a part of me that looks at that time spent that also has afforded me in my mentality to just give myself a little more grace to say, I don't have to kill myself at work. I have, I've done that, I've I've paid that price, and it's time now to try and achieve more balance. But but again, I will say, you know, every time I acquire a new store, 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, I am pretty heavy into acquiring and turning things around, in-person training, online training, doing all the things necessary. All the things necessary to really turn it around. And then I need to check back in and say, okay, I'm now getting too far into those weeds. I've got to come back, right? And now so it's not so much that I'm balanced and there is an imbalance, but at least the way in which I have lived and worked, I very much give a majority in one place or another. And I really, I think I'm always seeking that balance. But the reality is, is that whatever's going on in life, wherever it's pulling me, that's kind of where I go. If we've got a kiddo or two that are struggling, I'll tell you what, I'm gonna be there at pickup after school and we're gonna dive in. We're gonna talk about grades, we're gonna talk about friends, we're gonna talk about feelings, we're gonna talk about goals, we're gonna talk about how they're doing, whatever it is.

SPEAKER_01 10:52

Right. But what did you give up to make it to pickup, right? So that's I think that's the definition of balance, right? So it's it's knowing the priority. And so there is actually some some interesting research from from Harvard on this. So research from a Harvard Business Review shows that high performers don't prioritize everything, they prioritize fewer things exceptionally well. And I think that's probably not a surprise for many, but you just gave an incredible example of that, right? So you had to make a choice of where your time in that moment was going to be spent. And then in a way, you achieved balance in your day because you you did make space for the thing that mattered most at that time. Now, if you went back and did all the extra work that you had missed in that moment and stayed up extra late and did a lot of other things, so you really gave nothing up, you know, or didn't have a trade-off, that probably isn't balance. But I think balance for many is is making trade-off decisions.

SPEAKER_02 11:50

Yeah, and and I like the example that you just specifically used because the other thing I think I did, and I would assume many people do, is we then say, well, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna pour in real heavy at work, I'm gonna pour in real heavy at home with my family, and I'm gonna neglect my health, my sleep, my quiet time, right? My my gym time, my whatever it is, right? But but typically, I think we then short ourselves the most. And and I would say that quite honestly, I believe I started working towards family and work, quote unquote, balance, which really was just me saying, I'm going to pour in at home, and even if that neglects some some time at work, fine. But then what came last was me. And that's like the easiest thing to do, but I do think that it's something that I have now begun to focus on, especially as we get older, right? If if you're out there and you're in your late 30s, early 40s, or even 50s and up, our health has to take more of a priority. And I think, you know, I hit 40 and I physically just life started changing. And now at 42, this has been a brutal start to 42 uh with regards to health. And so I think, you know, before the health scares come, let's also prioritize ourselves. And if if you're not in that place, let's let's start to think about how we not only give at home and at work, but we also give to ourselves enough to where we can enjoy all the things that we're building today.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

Yeah. I think that if I had to really define the myth of balance as I would describe it, it would be that it comes naturally, that balance is just somehow found in your day. It's not. You have to, to your point, make decisions and decide where your energy goes. And I would say also that it's it's somehow equal from day to day to day. It's just not. It's it's not because it does take reflection, it takes understanding of where you're at and who you are and what you have left to give and where your energy needs to go. And then you make those decisions as you need to. But the balance is found. It's not impossible to achieve, but it's found and it's and it's ever changing. It is absolutely ever changing. So I think that that brings me to the next kind of area of the conversation that I'd love to dive into, which is deciding what gets your energy. You just made a really great, you know, point about health and well-being, especially as we get older. So, how do you personally decide what deserves your time and your energy?

SPEAKER_02 14:34

Yeah, I mean, I would say, you know, with with my health description, right, or or my example, you know, I think the other thing is we get so consumed with the day-to-day chaos. And and at times, if we're fortunate enough to have some kind of a routine, right, then you just kind of get into this routine. And I think what happens is without a big emergency, there's not a big emergency at work, or there's not a big emergency with the family, or there's not a big health emergency, you just kind of continue to go along. And wherever you may be drifting one way or another, it's not until there's this aha moment or disaster that you realize it. And so you know, yeah. And so I think for for me, I'll be real vulnerable here with with the listening uh public here. You know, at 42, I had a couple of things. I don't know, I I take it back. At 41 years and 50 weeks, I had a couple of rather significant discoveries with my health.

SPEAKER_00 15:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:45

And the answer was genetics and stress.

SPEAKER_00 15:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:49

And, you know, with with my family history of heart issues, you know, I started out this year, went and got heart scans, hearts clean as a whistle. Oh, it's looking so good. And I'm thinking, I'm good to go.

unknown 16:02

Got that.

SPEAKER_02 16:02

I knew it. You got it. I knew it. And, you know, three months later, no, I don't know. There are things that I cannot control. It doesn't matter how well I do, how hard I try, there are things that are in my DNA that are gonna cost me.

SPEAKER_00 16:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:17

And that realization, and what was the answer? The answer was genetics and stress. And so what it has made me do just in this last three, four or five weeks is really reconsider the internal effects that I didn't realize were a thing or would be a thing. And so it took those diagnoses for me to say, oh wow, my life has been rather imbalanced. And even as I've, you know, I I also joke about it, but it's true, my professional career as an entrepreneur started off so brutally difficult that when I was only working 65 hours a week out of the house and another 10 on the phone and on computer and just burning it like crazy, I thought I was doing really well. And it required perspective from the people that I love. It really required more kiddos and the kiddos getting older and needing more of me to kind of pull me away. But even now, when I would have pretended that I had significant balance, it was only when these medical issues pop up that I go, boy, probably not very balanced still. Right. And and uh the belief that I could still work 50 plus hours a week in the, you know, now it looks a little different. I'm not in 25 restaurants every week. Boy, it it still is taking an effect. And so, how do I still have quote unquote balance that doesn't cost me 10 or 15 years down the road? Sure. And and so, yeah, I I think we naturally can drift until something pops up to show us, ah man, you were trying to be balanced and you thought you were doing a good job. Well, we were neglecting blank, and and then we we correct. And so we we we can talk about silence a little bit and and talk about checking in and re-anchoring and and really analyzing and asking those that we trust. But but I do believe that in general, no matter how hard we try, life and the busyness and the chaos and the requirements of life will allow us, force us, whether we know it or not, to drift. And so how do we anchor where we want to be?

SPEAKER_01 18:44

Yeah. Well, I I want to dive in with my perspective, but I think it's so important to stick with your example for a minute because I want to connect it to your purpose. I think what's interesting is, you know, the audience knows very well that your purpose is your family. The purpose is being a daddy, right? A husband, but 100%, but being there for the kids however and whenever you need to be, I do think that that is what drives you. It's what drives your decision making. It's what if you had to pick one thing in the world to be, that would be it.

SPEAKER_00 19:14

Period.

SPEAKER_01 19:14

So, you know, when when you do get these kind of aha moments, these moments of of awakening with with your health, especially when you consider that these are things that could take you away from that purpose, right? And could impact your time there. I mean, does that make the decision making a little easier about finding that balance and where you spend your energy?

SPEAKER_02 19:36

100%. And that's, you know, when we talk about just in general, when we talk about pursuing your purpose and taking time in silence, right? Well during COVID, I took time in silence and I was able to remember who I was, remember what my purpose was and what I wanted. And then once I had that anchor, that North Star, we still have a thousand difficult decisions to make. But if we know what we're making them for and why we're making them, the decision making actually becomes easier. So for me, we said being a daddy, and I want to be a daddy until I'm 85, not 65, not 45, 85. And so that allows me to make decisions because now my goal isn't to be a daddy blank. It's I've got this going on and this is going on, and this is what matters. What am I going to cut or add or do to make sure that my ultimate purpose of being a daddy at 85 years old is going to happen? And with that kind of clarity, that kind of goal and expectation, well, now I just make every decision based around that. At 45 and at 35 and at 25, when you think you got the world of time and the world is your oyster and nothing matters. And, you know, you just imagine, of course, I'm going to be alive until I'm 100. Well, as you age and you get more information and you see family history and all these things, all of a sudden now that perspective changes and your goals change. A long time ago, I was going to be worried about the kiddos, you know, having creature comforts and all of us being okay. And now my goal is be here at 85. Yeah. Right. And speaking present. Yeah. And so, so all of a sudden, all of the things that distracted me from my purpose, right? Or all the things that I just threw on top of to, you know, quote unquote be a good dad, a good husband, a good father, uh what, a good provider, all those things, man, they mean a lot less.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:43

As you get older and as you understand more. And so absolutely clarity, and again, time and silence and clarity with where you want to go really will help alleviate a lot of the stress and a lot of the unknowns. Am I worried about having A phenomenal retirement, or do I just want to focus on my health? Right. And there are decisions and gives and takes in all of those things. Maybe I'm working not quite as hard, but longer than I intended, for example, right? And then you make that decision, whatever makes sense for you. And again, always take time in silence. Always converse and communicate with the people in your tribe and the people that matter and the people that care for you to help you make these decisions. But once you make them, it makes the decisions of tomorrow so much easier. And hey, you continue to recheck with yourself.

SPEAKER_00 22:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:34

Because what was important to me three years ago was different today and might be different in three years. But the day-to-day decision making is easier when I know where I'm going. And if if my end goal changes, then I adjust. Right. But so always fluid, always flexible, always maintaining perspective. But when we know what we want to do, we really can make decisions a lot easier every day.

SPEAKER_01 23:00

Yeah, I'll come, I'll come at it from a different perspective, obviously from my own, right? Just speaking for myself as an individual, but also speaking for a lot of moms that I know, a lot of working moms that I know, and the pressure we can take on our own shoulders to manage the household, right? To manage everyone within it. And when I say manage, it's not just getting lunches out the door. It's the emotions that wake up and go to bed. It's it's how everyone's feeling, how everyone's doing, and how everyone is thriving or not in those moments. And you you tend to take on a lot of weight. And that's just at home. That's just thinking about, you know, the climate in which everyone is kind of working and operating in. But then you, you know, you pile on work, right? You pile on all the responsibilities and what you're accountable for within the professional setting. And it can feel like you're getting pulled in a million different directions. And I think the same is true for dads. The same is absolutely true for men, a hundred percent. Um, so I'm only speaking from the, the, the female perspective and and the moms out there that I know and talk to. But that's where we oftentimes have to give ourselves grace for not doing it all and not doing it all perfectly. And me, for me personally, I try to do an audit of where is my time going? Where is my energy being spent? And I think when I do that, if I do that, if I'm called to do that, it's usually because I'm depleted. Sure. And then when I do that, I realize, oh man, what have I done for myself lately? What time have I given myself? How have I filled my cup back up? And that's usually how I decide what needs my energy and what needs my time, because I'm I'm more likely pouring out and not pouring anything back in. So, so for me, that's how I decide. And then it'll look different from day to day in terms of what I need. Sometimes it is that silence, just that time and space. Sometimes it is, you know, a fitness class or a workout, either with a group or an individual class, just that I'm taking on my own, just to kind of recenter. Sometimes it's just praying and thinking about what I'm grateful for and what I want to hope and wish for others and pray for others. It does change, but it takes intent to kind of pause and say, why do I feel depleted? Right. Why am I not able to pour back out as much as I want to? And that does take me away from my purpose when I can't, right? So I can't be the wife and the mother and the professional working mom that I want to be when I have nothing to pour out. So so that's how I decide. But I will say it does take a strong partner. And I thank you for always checking in and then being willing to kind of, you know, we'll say lift where I have to put down. Right. And that does matter. And so that's a check-in. Do you have those people that can kind of lift you back up or take something off your plate? Because if you're, if you're not asking for that help, that would be the first thing I would say. Do that audit, see where you need the help, see where you need the grace, either give it to yourself or ask for for that from your partner or from your friends or from your family.

SPEAKER_02 25:58

Yeah, that's great. And and it's so funny. I mean, I don't know if it was last week or the week before, but you you just we were kind of going through this. And all of a sudden I said, Well, what is it that I can do right here, right now? Tell me, tell me everything that's on your list. What is on your mind?

SPEAKER_00 26:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:17

And and then you very humbly just said, I don't know why I'm keeping all this to myself and why I'm doing all this. Yeah, if you could help me with this and this, that would make things a lot easier.

unknown 26:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:30

You got it. Yeah. Right. And and for me, it wasn't a hard lift. Now, thankfully, I wasn't also depleted, right? So I think that matters as well. There are moments where you and I will find ourselves both totally exhausted, and that is then tougher. But more often than not, when one of us is getting ready to go down with the plane, the other one's like, here's a parachute. What can I do for you?

SPEAKER_01 26:56

Well, I love that you brought that up because that that gets me to letting go without guilt. And so, you know, for for all intents and purposes, I don't know why I'm I'm programmed this way, but I love to say yes. And there's a lot of us out there. We are yes people. I love to say yes. And this you're laughing because you're you're the no person. I am.

SPEAKER_00 27:14

I know where we're going here.

SPEAKER_01 27:15

Yeah. So I love to say yes. I do. You know, you ask me for help at work, you ask me for help at the grocery store, you ask me for help, I don't know, gardening. And I don't even know how to garden. I'm gonna say yes. I don't know why, but I do like being helpful. I like serving others in any capacity. And I do, I don't know, I do love, I do love a finished project, but I do love supporting the people around me. And sometimes that means, okay, I'm gonna use a really crazy example. Fun. Do you remember the the morning that I I traveled to work? I had a 7 a.m. flight and I woke up and I made cinnamon rolls in the morning and I wrote notes to allow you made everything. I know I made it three times more difficult than on a normal morning. But that's because that's because I incorrectly placed my value on what I could give in that moment. And that was because I felt guilty for leaving. I felt guilty for traveling in that moment. That was mom guilt in full effect. And so I felt terrible for leaving. Why? Why feel guilty for actually going and doing my my job? There was no reason to. And I I had to give myself, we'll we'll talk after and say, we're gonna do that again. Probably not. Because while everyone appreciated it, no one needed it, no one asked for it. And so the question is, how much are you putting on yourself to live up to some measure that no one has applied to your life but you? I want to say that again.

SPEAKER_02 28:42

It's great.

SPEAKER_01 28:43

Why are you putting pressure on yourself to live up to a measure that no one has applied but you? So if you if you can give yourself the grace and the space to say, no, not today. That's not what I need, and that's not what anyone needs today. My time would be better spent doing something at 60% of the perfection scale that you've given yourself and and spending meaningful time and giving myself some space to be less than 100% right now.

SPEAKER_02 29:17

No doubt. And I'll tell you what else. One one, I'm laughing because yeah, I'm the total opposite. I'm not much of a people pleaser, and my initial response is no, and I don't lose a wink of sleep uh saying it. But I will say where we where we do that, where we we have started to get much better is when we have both had incredibly crazy days or weeks, and then we go, you know what? We are not going to make some giant elaborate dinner for all of us to have.

SPEAKER_00 29:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:48

Let's get some Chinese.

SPEAKER_00 29:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:50

And let's bust out some playing cards, and we're gonna play games, and we're gonna eat, you know, Chinese and fruit or pizza and fruit and move on with the day, right? And it is those small little changes that can, you know, and and it may even be less about what you did and more about allowing yourself to accept and acknowledge where you're at, and then give yourself that grace, that understanding, that perspective and empathy to allow yourself to not be perfect right here, right now, and just do what you need to do. Sometimes you just gotta, we just gotta get through the day.

SPEAKER_01 30:31

So I want I want everyone to write down this question. If you're in a safe place to write, and if you're driving a car, this is not for you. But what would change if we saw no as protecting what matters instead of rejecting something else? So, so think about that. So I think what that prompts you to consider is that that no is very much saying, that's not what I need. That's that's not what's gonna serve me right now. And so I'm gonna I'm gonna say no, where I would be in, I would be intent on saying yes here, because if I say yes, it's gonna tax me, it's going to burn me out, it's going to add just one more thing to my plate with nothing else falling off. And too many yeses can actually hurt you and hurt the people that you love. Because if you are depleted and you burn out, what good are you to the people around you? If anything, your um, your temperament will be impacted, right? You're not gonna have as much love and grace to give when things go wrong and they will. We've talked about it a million times. So best to stay ahead of that and not be so afraid of saying no. Now we'll do another episode where we talk about you saying yes more. So don't look at me like you won this one. When when is that gonna happen? Right. But as it relates to balance for sure, no's are very healthy.

SPEAKER_02 31:50

Yeah, absolutely. And you know, when you describe saying yes in those ways. Now anyone who's listened to our kiddo podcasts, uh, we've got two episodes on resilient kids, and you know, I I just it is my natural reaction. Uh, not sure if I was raised that way. It was also my father's first response was no, and so I don't know if it's learned or what. But I you know, we talk about it when raising resilient kids and it and just in general. There is nothing wrong with saying no. Now, it doesn't mean that when someone needs something, that I always say it. I'm willing to lean in, especially when my family and my tribe need anything. When it isn't, you know, can I have another treat or whatever it is? You know, I'm gonna lean in and I'm gonna say, yeah, now let's get it done. I also do a decent job of putting parameters. Yes when. Yes, when I'm done with work. Yes, after, you know, we do a workout or our Bible study or whatever it is, right? There are certain things that we prioritize and we say, yes, when, yes, if. And I think maybe that's even a better place to start. If you are someone that says yes all the time, maybe you want to start to consider, yes, I still will, right? Because amazingly, it does fill your cup to just say yes and help everybody and do all these things. And just like you said, I mean, I don't even know how to plant. I'll help you plant. You want me to plant your garden? Let's do it, right? So maybe it's a yes when or a yes.

SPEAKER_01 33:32

Yes, if. Yeah. Yes, if. I love that. Because something's got to come off, right? If you're at that point where your plate's full, something's got to come off. If you've said yes and your plate's empty and you have the space and time, great. But if you don't and you continue to say yes, you probably need to ask yourself the question, why? What is it that I think I'm earning? What value am I placing on this yes? Or do I think others are placing on this yes? And you might just be assuming value there. And it's not just, it's not just kind of a blinded moment where you just say, yes, okay, but but don't consider the impact of that yes. And and that would be probably my my next call to action if you're one of those folks like me that that tend to say yes to a lot. Ask yourself why. Why did I say yes to this? Right. How does that align to my purpose? How does that fill my cup? How does it, you know, help me, you know, portray my values and and and my beliefs and and and anything of the of the sort. If you're just saying yes because you're trying to earn something, it's probably not a good enough reason, right? And so really, really consider that. The other thing, and and I don't want to make it so simple that it's just, you know, easy as can be, that this is the only way to consider it, because a lot of people say yes because that's their only option, right? There's no one else in their tribe, there's no one else in their life that that is able to show up in the way that they need them to. And if that's you and you're struggling with that, you know, I I see you, I I hear you. And and that is a tough, tough place to be. But but I would still say something should give. You still need to prioritize within that. And maybe you don't need to do all that's on your plate right then, right now. So consider if there's a prioritization you could take, what's urgent, what's important, and leave the rest till later. But I I I definitely see you and hear you as a person that will do, you know, all of the work and work a full day and then do five loads of laundry and then cook dinner and then do lunches and then do all of the things that you need to do, you know, and not ask for help. So the the call to action now is to ask for help, not to be the person that thinks they're doing it all and getting a badge at the end of the day.

SPEAKER_02 35:44

Sure. And and again, you know, this started off as talking about balance. The reality is, is that even if all we wanted to do was be a good parent, if that's all I wanted to do and all I had to do, I could still make my life imbalanced by literally trying to do everything for those kiddos. Yeah. When I think about the amount of struggle and like some of the internal guilt, you know, we've got six kids, they're getting an award every week. It feels like there is an opportunity every week or every other week to have to, in the middle of the day at 12 45 p.m., because apparently that's when you know everyone has all this free time, to then stop work, right? Which for some of us means, you know, we if you're commuting to work, well, now if I gotta be back at 12:45, I'm going to work for 90 minutes. Now I'm driving 45 minutes back for a 30-minute little ceremony. And now I drive 45 minutes. Now I've lost three and a half hours of my work day. And if I don't do that, I feel guilty. We have got to also then. So funny. I found a way to encourage you to say no. We have to find a way, right? Even in pouring into the things that matter to still say no and hold those boundaries, because that that ceremony may cost us my presence at your game tonight. Or it may then mean that, right. And so so when you say yes all the time, you really need to make sure that you're prioritizing all these things as well. Because again, you know, too much of a good thing. It's possible only in that it absorbs time, right? We only have a finite amount of time every single day. How do you spend it? How do you prioritize it? Something has to give. There's always a give and take. And so we we want to indulge in kid time and kid ceremonies and all of these things. Sometimes we just can't for the sake of that same purpose, for the sake of ourselves, for the protection of some boundaries, whatever it is. And so I I don't know why that that popped in. I think it is just there was always something going on at the school.

SPEAKER_00 38:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:11

And we are always considering how do we in our busy lives find a way to now find another three hours to do something else? And and it just is hard and absorbs. Everything takes from something else. So again, how do you prioritize and in turn protect really how you feel? Protect that cup we keep talking about and make sure that even for a good thing, you're not pouring it out unnecessarily.

SPEAKER_01 38:43

Yeah. Same page. I think you're already tapping into the one point I wanted to leave listeners with because we've talked about so much today. But if you take one thing from today, let it be this. You don't need to do more. You need to choose better because every yes costs you something and every no protects something. So choose what aligns with your purpose. Choose what builds your future, choose what actually matters, and let the rest go without guilt. This is your permission. We are, we are your tribe today. We are giving you permission to let it go without guilt. And that's how you become unshaken. It's a journey. It doesn't happen overnight. And we are here for it. We are here with you. We can't thank you enough for joining us on today's episode. We can't wait to continue the conversation with you. And it doesn't have to wait until the next episode. It can actually start today. Reach out to us on social, find us on our website, and if you haven't yet picked up a copy of your book, head to Target, Barnes Noble, or Amazon, and it's available today. Thank you so much for joining.

SPEAKER_02 39:48

Everybody have a good week.

SPEAKER_01 39:50

We're so glad you joined us today. If you found inspiration through today's episode, share it with a friend and make sure to follow so you don't miss what's ahead. Until next time, choose joy, regardless, in whatever comes your way. See you next week.