Money Talks: Financial Independence chats with Tracy Irwin - Episode Twenty One Odessa Wilson

Real talk about financial control, starting over, and proving that life can be different, with Somerset ghostwriter and single mum of three, Odessa Wilson.

This isn't your typical money conversation. It's the honest, unfiltered truth about what financial independence really looks like when you've spent your entire adult life having every financial decision made for you, and how you rebuild when you finally get to choose for yourself.

In this episode, you'll discover:
💚 Why financial independence isn't just about covering the bills, it's about who gets to make the decisions
💚 How leaving a controlling relationship can actually unlock far more business capacity than you'd ever expect
💚 The real reason midlife crises happen and why it has everything to do with money
💚 Practical, creative ways to teach your children about the ebb and flow of finances
💚 How to reward yourself even when the budget feels impossibly tight
💚 Why some of our fondest memories often come from our hardest financial moments

Perfect for you if:
💚 You've ever felt financially controlled or had your decisions constantly undermined
💚 You want honest conversations about money struggles, not just the highlight reel
💚 You're rebuilding your finances after a major life change or relationship breakdown
💚 You need proof that starting over is absolutely possible, even with children and responsibilities

Resources:
• Odessa on LinkedIn:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/odessawilson-ghostwriter-contentwriter/ 

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

🚀 About The Money Metrics Academy:

We're not just another business course. We're building a movement. Our mission is simple: help every business owner understand their numbers, pay themselves properly, and achieve true financial independence.

📈 Join Thousands of Business Owners Who Are:
💚 Mastering their business finances in under 1 hour per week
💚 Finally paying themselves what they deserve
💚 Creating businesses that work FOR them, not against them
💚 Building real wealth and time freedom

🎯 Perfect for:
Service-based business owners (£75k to £2.5M turnover)
Entrepreneurs tired of sacrificing income for passion
Business owners ready to understand their numbers
Anyone seeking genuine financial independence

🔥 Ready to Transform Your Business?
Stop sacrificing your income for your passion. Join a community that genuinely transforms lives and celebrates each other's successes.

If you are new to the Money Talks Podcast, I'm happy you clicked on my video! Hopefully, this video made you stay for good!

Don't forget to SUBSCRIBE to my channel and press (🔔) to join the Notification Squad and stay updated with new uploads. ✨

👇 SUBSCRIBE HERE
 https://www.youtube.com/@tracy.irwin.official?sub_confirmation=1 

𝐖𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬...?

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
👍 Like the video (it helps a ton!)
💬 Comment below to share your opinion!
🔗 Share the video with anyone you think might help :)
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

📧 For Business Enquiries:  tracy@tracyirwin.co.uk 

📱 Stay Tuned On Social Media:
» LinkedIn:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/tracyalaineirwin/ » Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/tracyirwinfd/ » Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/tracyirwintfa 

📞 Book a discovery call:  https://calendly.com/tracy-successbynumbers/discovery-call 

🟢 Join the complimentary community for peer support:  https://moneymetrics.scoreapp.com/ 

🎬 SUGGESTED VIDEOS
Don't forget to watch 📽 My other videos. Please check them out:

▶️ Recharge Your Brain: How Time Off Can Transform Your Business
 https://youtu.be/yaljSzF8FOc 
▶️ Friday Finker: Your Easter Weekend Challenge for Time Freedom and Success
 https://youtu.be/MBd4LjyVa00 

#businessgrowth #financialfreedom #financialindependence #womenentrepreneurs #singleparent #moneymetrics #knowyournumbers #timefreedom #businesscoaching #profitfirst #entrepreneurmindset #smallbusinesstips #worksmarternotharder #scaleyourbusiness #onlinebusinesscoach #profitnotvanity #burnouttofreedom #startingover #financialcontrol #ghostwriter

💖 Thanks for watching! 💖 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What does financial independence mean to you? Not being reliant on other people to bail you out of financial situations that would otherwise bury you. I think we focus so much on can I cover the outgoings every month?

SPEAKER_01 0:13

The times where I know that my mum probably struggled the most are actually my fondest memories. Yeah. Welcome. I'm Tracy Owen and I'm passionate about financial independence and wanted to share stories of inspiring entrepreneurs to prove it's possible for everyone to strive towards financial freedom. Today I'm talking to Odessa Wilson. She's an experienced ghostwriter living in Somerset, but she's often found exploring somewhere new. Welcome Odessa, lovely to speak to you today. Thank you so much for having me. So I'm going to start with the question I ask all of my guests, and I'd like to know what does financial independence mean to you?

SPEAKER_00 0:57

It's a great question, and it's one I've thought about quite a lot. Um, so for me, financial independence, rightly or wrongly, has always meant not being reliant on other people to bail you out of financial situations that would otherwise bury you. Yeah. So for me, um it's been a bit of a journey. I think now I'm I realise that there is always going to be some kind of dependence, whether that's on clients, whether that's on an employer. Um but for me, it's being able to make my own financial decisions and realizing that actually, yeah, there's no one else to bail me out. If I don't get this right, it always lands on my shoulders, which I actually find more terrifying than liberating, but it does it, you know, being able to make my own decisions has probably been the biggest thing is actually not having to consult another human being, which is still pretty nerve-wracking.

SPEAKER_01 1:49

Yeah, I can imagine it is because you've not you you've got little three, is it three of a little dependent on the other? I do.

SPEAKER_00 1:56

I've got three children. I got married when I was 19, and I met him at 17. So my entire adult life has been consulting another person, getting somebody else's opinion on how we should spend the money, where we should invest, uh, how we move money around. Um, it it was it wasn't the healthiest of relationships, there was definitely some financial abuse, which meant that coming out of the relationship just over two years ago meant that all of a sudden I had to make all these decisions by myself. And there were moments of splurging because all of a sudden there was no one to say, no, you can't. And I realised that actually I have barely lived, I've barely experienced life. And then there have been times where, especially more recently, we're like, okay, like calm down. You're doing so much, and this is why I say about I'm very rarely in Somerset at this point, but you're doing so much, but actually, um, you're not, it's not even about the financial so much as you're not even processing and sitting in those moments, you're just so desperate to achieve something.

SPEAKER_01 2:57

I think it is that I think there's a story that Daniel Priestley tells about how he'd he'd gone up a mountain with a guide and he saw another mountain across the way, and he said to the guide, like, Oh, what's that mountain called? And the guide went, That doesn't matter to you right now. Enjoy, enjoy the mountain that you're on. Like, and it was like that is what we do, isn't it? It's like we're always timing for the for the next result. And and I did the same as you, by the way. So, like I was a single parent at 19, and I'd always had financial independence because of the plight that my mum went through because I was scared of turning in, like finding myself in the same situation as her. But actually, when I started the accountancy and I started to make money, I spent it like literally like on experiences. It wasn't it wasn't material because it was just experience because I think when we've been in this box that of like scarcity, yeah, that suddenly that first thing, isn't it? It's to splurge and to like like I want to I want to live this life now.

SPEAKER_00 4:00

I've realized I have one. Yes, absolutely. And I think what's interesting is when you look at your financial past in terms of the the example that your parents set, quite rightly, it shapes how you spend your money. So my parents were very much, they were always sort of balancing cards from one to another. And I know a lot of people with big families, because I'm one of five, were doing the same. They did the whole endowment policy thing, they did all of the um it my dad affectionately called it tarting the money around. And it was always one card to another and kind of shuffling things around, and there were times where they struggled, especially when they had their fourth child, and there was quite a big age gap, so it was about 10 years between us.

SPEAKER_02 4:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:41

Suddenly we'd gone from my mum making everything from scratch, going to wait rows on a Friday night, to suddenly having those little potato smiley faces. And I remember, and I I feel so horrendous now as a parent. Um, but I remember saying to my mum, like, what is this? What is going on? Like, you feel me? We all sat there. I remember my dad led the conversation going, like, standards are really slipping. But it was even when they struggled, we still always made time for a holiday. I think my parents had got to a point where because they're religious and they kind of believe that end of the world is coming and all of this kind of stuff, it was very much like you can't bring your money with you. And I know from a from a less cultural background that most people are kind of well, you can't bring it with you, you're only passing it down to the next generation, so live well. But I think there always needs to be this balance of living well and enjoying life now, but actually making sure you can see it through to the end rather than hoping at some point that you know, like uh one of those uh cartoons that tomorrow the piano will fall on you, but today we'll spend all the money. And I think it's really difficult to get that balance right.

SPEAKER_01 5:46

I think it is. I think it's I think that's a balance that most people struggle with. Um, like I've spoken on this podcast to a gentleman who actually helps people to understand like how much money they've got live for the rest of their life. Like when he helps them to work out when they will run out of money, not because he wants to scare them, because sometimes it's just about awareness. Like sometimes we just we just don't know. It's like, well, do I do this, do I do that? And like I went on the money mindset journey purely because I was concerned that as an accountant, you know, I'm good with money, am I? Um I just hadn't I hadn't thought about my future self, like in my 20s and my 30s, and I was like, oh, I'm 51, like why don't I look after my future self better? And that's what triggered my money mindset journey. And I think there's lots of people who should know better because that's how I felt. I was embarrassed because I should know better, yeah, but but I didn't, and I don't and I didn't, and it's kind of like one when you've got divorced and you suddenly become just you as a person, like when your money decisions are just just yours alone, yeah, that's quite a big responsibility. Massive.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

And I think it wasn't even so much that I suddenly had to make the decisions. I feel like there's a big difference between suddenly having to make decisions and never having made an independent decision. So, like all of it, if you if you were always involved in these conversations, but you were still able to make some autonomous have some autonomy, then you're like you you'd done a bit of it. But I had never made a financial decision without having to put together, for want of a better word, like a presentation or like a proposal together. And then he would often say, Oh, you haven't researched that properly, I'm sure I can find it cheaper. And then it was always undermined. So it's not even that they were always joint decisions, it was that any suggestion was then undermined. So now I don't trust myself with those decisions. Okay. And then I think we focused so much on can I cover the outgoings every month? Um, and and I got to a situation, thankfully, where my business now meant that I could afford to move out, but then it's very easy to go, right? I need that chunk of money to put into a deposit for a rental, and then you're like, ah, but now that's a thousand pounds I don't have for my tax bill. And then you're like, ah, it's just and it's very easy to get very overwhelmed.

SPEAKER_01 8:12

It is as an entrepreneur, we have so many different pots that we can rob Peter's control from, and it's understanding, isn't it, about where our money should be going. Um, but I mean, you probably I teach that anyway. So it's kind of like that's what I said. You've kind of just prompted that, but I I teach of how to pay yourself first, so to understand how much of being the tax man, how much you need to, how much you how many clients you need to generate what you need to live off. That's kind of like the most important thing, especially when you are on your own, and especially when you've got dependents. Because I remember, I feel like when when when I started my business when my daughter was eight, and I remember thinking this isn't just my roof I'm risking, it's hers too. And I think that gave me drive. Like, you feel like you have more drive because you have when you've got three dependants, I only had one.

SPEAKER_00 9:04

Yeah, I think it's it's interesting. So mine's kind of twofold. So I because I left the religious cult that I've been brought up in, which kind of coincided with getting the divorce, I no longer have any access to my family at all. So we we aren't allowed to speak. It had already deteriorated anyway, but it got to that point where we weren't really talking, so it's kind of for the large part of it, it's kind of like no life lost. But it's that whole thing of I know because women don't leave in the religion that I was in, women don't leave. And divorce isn't recognised, and you're expected to be submissive and quiet and all of the things. And so for me to leave my husband was a massive thing, it sent ripples across the family, across the community. For a while, when I was more open talking about it on LinkedIn, I had lots of people viewing my profile. They suddenly jumped on all social media accounts because everybody hungrily ate up what was going on in my life, how it was falling apart. So the first thing for me is I I have a huge audience of people who want me to fail, who genuinely believe because I'm not living in according to everything that their religion says, that at some point it will look like it's fine and then all of a sudden it will fall apart. So I have people genuinely expecting and kind of hoping that I'll fail because by being out of the religious group, you're supposed to kind of struggle when that brings you back. So everyone's like, oh, she'll struggle, then she'll come back. And I'm like, Yeah, absolutely can't. But it is also for the children. So their dad has because he stayed in the faith, rightly or wrongly, there's a lot of diplomatic situations going on, um, that he's pocketed both families. So I know that he's always got the financial support there, he's always been able to get his employer to pay for stuff, he's always been very good because his mum was an accountant for a while or worked as a bookkeeper. So he knows how to work the system, he knows how to ask other people, he gets stuff handed out, so he's always going to be fine. And as soon as there's anything to pay for, he's always the first one to go, oh, I'll just cover it. And so it's that whole thing of I have to show the children not only that the religion isn't kind of be all and end all, but it means that you can step out of it, and by stepping out of it, you are able to make a life and all these things they're being taught about people like me who they're gonna struggle because they're not doing things this way. Um, I really, really have to prove that life can be different, that they can do it for themselves. I'm transparent with the finances with them. I think it's really important that they understand why we don't spend in certain places and why, you know, towards the end of the month, you know, we do quiet them down slightly because they they have to see the ebb and flow because they don't see that with their dad. He's never openly discussed things, and I don't want them walking into any situation, whether they get married or not, thinking that these things just happen and it's always fine. I want them to understand that it's been difficult, I want them to see that I work hard, but I want them to have that balance. I think they're not gonna get otherwise. So it's the children, but it's yeah, there's a there's a large part of me that was like, if I don't get this to work, I'll end up in a bifer bin and there'll be a massive audience of people that are like seeing, told you so, yeah. No, other bins are available.

SPEAKER_01 12:27

Oh, I have so many questions, by the way. But first of all, I want to I am I'm sorry that that happened to you. No, no, my unreligion, which is a much kinder of like I've been brought up religious, and I'm thinking two totally different sides of the spectrum. I'm like, you know, like my mum is very religious, she's a devotee, like there's nobody nobody like shooed her away.

SPEAKER_00 12:53

This like to me, I was like, I'm so sorry that that you okay, but the the what you've been brought up in actually is uh to me doesn't sound religious because like that's not being kind to everybody, but that you know I often refer to it as a cult because I'm like it's a borderline on that side. Yeah, I mean I have the kind to one another actually tattooed on my arm because that's the few people I'm gonna get that next, just want to find it's in the queue.

SPEAKER_01 13:20

It's in the queue, yeah. Financial wise, that's fine. Yeah, these are the questions that kind of brought up for that. I think it's really important for children to understand about money. So many people don't. And I did a I did a test with my five-year-old granddaughter because when we'd been to the supermarket and then the pound came out of the trolley, yeah. She was like, Can I have that, grandma? And I was like, Well, take it for now. So she had it in her hand, and I had a 10 pence piece in the car, and I gave her the 10 pence and I said, Which one of those do you think is more like valuable? She said, Well, this one, because it's bigger, and the 10 P was bigger. And I was like, No, I said, There's 10 of those 10 pees, but with one of those gold ones, and she was like, What do you mean? And I think when we were children, like we got pocket money. I I took money to the shop and it kind of taught and it teaches you how what the value of money is, and because of credit cards and stuff nowadays, or even like put online purchases, children don't get to understand the value of money. So, like, I just wondered is is there anything that you do with your children like to try and hope that they do actually start to understand the value of money?

SPEAKER_00 14:39

Yeah, so it's interesting because I got pocket money, but my dad was one of those that he'd said he would, and then he'd always forget. Um, and of course, now nobody carries cash, which is half the problem. So I remember I did an exercise with all three of mine where I laid out, I don't know how I had them all, but I had one of each of the coins and I asked them to put it in order of value. And um, I think because it's so much of a part of a conversation. So, like if we go on holiday, um, like we went to Venice a couple of weeks ago, I gave them each uh 10 euro note and I said, right, this is yours to spend. I told them they were going to get it at the beginning of the couple of days that we were there so that they could think about it and they could start eyeing up things and working out what they cost. And then uh it's funny watching how each child chooses to spend that work. But they're all different, aren't they?

SPEAKER_01 15:29

Are you working harder than ever? But feeling like you're getting nowhere. You're not alone. Most business owners I speak to feel trapped in their own success, working 60 hours plus a week, missing family time, and honestly, they're not even sure why they feel stuck. They just know something needs to change. If this sounds familiar, I've created a quick quiz to help you find out why you feel stuck in your business. It takes only two minutes, and I give you clarity on exactly what's keeping you tracked, and more importantly, how to break free. The link's in the description.

SPEAKER_00 16:04

So why not take it now? My middle son, we again we talk about it quite a lot, and he's always thinking, well, if I buy this, it's quite cheap, and then I'm gonna have money left over, and then I can spend it on something else. So I can have the permanent thing like the little knick-knack that I buy, but I can also have a suite or something at the airport. My daughter spent most of it on a little pocket uh wallet, which bear in mind she never gets pocket money. I was a bit like aw. Um and then my eldest was like, Well, you're always spending money on us, I'm gonna save it right up until the last minute because I'm sure we're gonna need it when we get to the airport or something. And he was dead right because we had a 14-hour delay, and he oh my god, not a thing. But he he was like, I'm gonna spend my money on a pot of Pringles because then everyone can have some. We're gonna be here for ages. So it was interesting to see the thought process, but yeah, we talked about what they were gonna get. I showed them on menus, we showed them in shops. Then, of course, it's like it's like a burning hole in their pocket, isn't it? They're just like, I need to spend this money, and I just remember going, like, just wait. So, you know, we've we've had the conversation when I was going through the mortgage application, we talked about preparing all my accounts and what they needed to have and how it works every month, and why I've got different savings accounts for them. So they wanted animals, and I said, Right, well, that's to come out of your pocket money. So I said, You have to rehome them. Uh, so it's like, well, I'm gonna get this one because this is probably only 70 quid hamster. And then my daughter was like, Well, technically these are being given away for free. And I was just like, damn it. So I was like, but you're gonna have to pay for something like a diesel to go up to Bristol to go and get the flaming rabbits. It was just, but it's interesting how they all kind of reasoned and rationaled out. But one of the my my middle son, who is the happiest to spend his money, but yeah, I like to think he thinks it through, then turned around and was like, Well, I'm gonna get a snake and I'm gonna spend all my money on the snake. Um, and because it's mine, you can't tell me I can have it.

SPEAKER_01 17:59

I was like, I think by the same thing, your son's going to be an entre your middle son's gonna be an entrepreneur. I think so. That's the way his mind works about saving some for something else, and then like saying, Well, it's my money, so you know it's mine.

SPEAKER_00 18:15

My oldest won't spend, like he he's pretty good, like he gets cash from the other side of the family, and he starts bringing it over because what he wants to do is he wants to be able to walk to the corner shop and buy milk when we run out, seldom, but we do sometimes. So he he's only interested in contributing, right? Because he's like, I I have everything I need, so this money can be used better here. Because at Dad's house, like he wants me to buy stuff with it, but you know, we could go out and do something with it because I'm very much more let's have an experience rather than let's just accommodate. So it is it is sometimes worrying watching them, and I was just like, I recognise all of these things.

SPEAKER_01 18:59

Well, that's it. So like I always lead with the fact that you know you the your seven-year-old self is what makes business decisions for you every day if you're not aware of that. So it's kind of like looking at your seven-year-olds, like they're that I mean that that nurture story of your youngest that's absolutely heart, like it fills my heart back because it's like to want to contribute towards his or his family is really is really sweet.

SPEAKER_00 19:24

Yeah, so they're really good kids, but I think it's they um because our spending hammers are so different, so his dad is always being given stuff, and then he'll always do lots of activities with them. Whereas the family that we made together, the routine that we had, we did national trust, we went for walks, we went to the beach. Most of what I spend money on is edible, I'm not gonna lie, because I like food. And when you're with small children, they always need to be fed. Yeah, so we tend to do more of that than go and take them to the trampoline park and go and do stuff like that. And it's amazing how quickly they get bored of those things. So again, it's teaching them that okay, yes, it's only a piece of food or whatever, but we're all sat and we're talking, like it's there's so much more to that experience, and trying to trying to somehow get into them that you you don't have to spend money to have a good time. But of course, when I don't have them, that's precisely what I'm doing.

SPEAKER_01 20:19

Yeah, I kind of see that. It's like, yeah. When it when I when when my mum actually became a a single parent herself, right, I we had no money at all. And I but I remember those years with the fondest of memories. Like I do not see myself as a deprived child at all. And I hadn't I didn't go on, I didn't go abroad until I was eight, and that was with my father. I he took me, but my mum like couldn't we didn't have big lavish holidays, but I remember the days we had this game, right? And she used to put me and my brother in the back of the car, and we'd get to a junction, and we'd each take turns in saying whether we're going left, right, or straight, right? So it was like we were going, we were choosing where we were going. Yeah. Now, as an adult, I realized that mum would pick her turn when it was an important junction to say it's my turn now, so we would end up where she actually was gonna send us in the first place. Get that as an adult now, but as a six-year-old child, I did not think that. I thought me and my brother were in charge of choosing where we ended up for the day. And my mum turning that into a game has given me so much fond memories of those times because actually I got it to myself. Like it was and that sounds really strange. And that's when when I was a single parent for a long time, I kept thinking it wasn't too bad because I remember fondly that I got more of my mum's time and attention because it was only her. And I think I used to think that when when my daughter was younger, I was like, well, maybe she feels. Like that too. Maybe she feels that we and we did. Like I was, I was I didn't get married until my daughter was like a teenager, so there's a long period of time where there was just the two of us. Yeah. Um, so um, but yeah, it seems it just seems really strange that the times where I know that my mum probably struggled the most are actually my fondest memories, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:23

And I think it like I like they they are fully aware that I'm I go and I do things and I say things, and I think as somebody who's always been confined to a house, and I I really hate staying in, it means that the weekends I don't have them, I'm always out travelling somewhere else. I'm always going to see friends because when you're in a serious relationship for the most part, it's you and that person against the world. And I used to think that was such a lovely romantic sentiment. Now I realise like that's actually awful because you you stop connecting with other people, you stop having those experiences. I went I went to France last weekend, I stayed with a friend who I'd met as a long-convoluted result of an ex-boyfriend that I'd been with. And like you don't, you know, we were just looked after, it just became part of the family, and you just ate what everyone else was eating, and it and it was great. And then there are times where, like I said, I took my children to to Venice, which um it was kind of more their choice than mine, uh, and it was 33 degrees, and so we spent at least you know 120 euros just on ice cream because otherwise we're all gonna die. So I think it's just recognising that things have to change, and you need a little bit of a buffer and you need to protect yourself where you can, but I think you can fall very much on being scared to spend anything, and I think that's when you're likely to make your worst decisions, and then being quite okay, but recognising you can say no to things. That to me feels the healthiest of saying yes to things but recognising that you know what, actually, it's okay, we don't need to spend that. Rather than what I've always done with my ex-husband, which I hated, was no, you can't spend this, no, you can't do that, you can't. I'd get a list of all the things I'd spent, I'd have to remember how I'd spent it, why I'd spent it, and then you're more likely to splurge because you're so miserable watching it and feeling anxious that those little treats suddenly need they're a need now. They are a need, you need a break, and then you're more likely to do it quite often because now it's only you, so yeah, it's there's there's a lot of adjustment, and I think it's an ever-evolving process, as far as you get used to it.

SPEAKER_01 24:33

I I talk about how I believe what people think midlife crises are is exactly what you've just explained. When somebody is a saver and they've saved all their life and they don't reward themselves for their hard work, suddenly that inner child goes, I got a minute, I worked hard all this time, you've not done anything for me, you've not rewarded me or anything. And that in that's what a midlife crisis is. It's the like splurge of somebody who's been so boxed in with their money and thought, I can't spend that, I can't spend that. That inner child throws a tantrum and actually ends up getting a motorbike or a fancy car. And I think that is genuinely what I really do believe that's what it is. And when I'm teaching people who are savers, by the way, to be more balanced in their money, yeah. I say, even if you've got no money, hardly at all, just take £40, £50, and take yourself out for dinner. Take yourself out for dinner and consciously eat it as a reward. Say, this is my reward for all the hard work I've done this month. If you physically can't afford a fun pot, you know, to go to Venice and things, then those people who are really struggling, like I'd say, please, please reward yourself, even if it's a Mars bar once a week, it's just something that you're that inner child inside you actually doesn't have the tantrum and end up like spending all the money that you've saved because it does happen.

SPEAKER_00 26:11

Yeah, I think my my issues, I I've never been a saver, which is not great. Um, I've never spent money on me. What I ended up doing was always spending money on other people, yes, because then I didn't feel guilty, and now I'm in a position where okay, yes, I do need to settle down and I do need to become a little bit more responsible. Things, not that they're out of hand, but things need to come back more and be a bit more centered, a bit more grounded. And I think I'm starting to get to that point where I realize the importance of being quiet sometimes. But I think because I was never able to build up my own financial profile through the most formative years of my life, and it was very much controlled by another person who was very much we don't need to go and do stuff, we don't need to go and we don't need to travel, we can just stay at home. You know, his family was telling him, Oh, if you're buying a house, stop going on holiday, stop doing this. That to me becomes really suffocating, and so I'm more likely to make poor decisions, like you've mentioned. And I think it's still very much because then I then came from a very suffocating marital situation. I'm doing the same where it's no, now I need to, I need to go and do stuff, now I need to live, and then it gets to a point where not I was gonna say the shit hits the pan, it's not so much that, it's just actually you get to a point where your accountant is saying 20%, you're like, but as a single parent, how do you manage 20% of everything that you earn? Because bills are so much higher. You know, I have my kids 50% of the time, it's not like I'm the parent who's got every other weekend, and I don't get financial support from my ex-husband because it's 50-50. So it gets to a point where you have to start rewarding spending less and saying, Do you know what you've done really well this month? Because despite having car repairs, it was lower than it has been. And I have watched my expenditure go down over the months where I've moved out, and it's kind of settling at a point which is a lot more doable. Um, and then you get clients that don't pay and stuff that happens and it kind of throws it all out again. So it's again, like I said before, it's realising that there needs to be that evolution that you know when you know you can't, oh, I've got clients coming in, so I can still carry on spending. But equally, you've got clients coming in, be a bit more careful. But if you if you want to go out and do something, go and do it. And it's just trying to be a bit more reasonable and taking a longer term approach rather than going, it's tight this month. Yes. So again, it's it's recognising that things need to keep being changed and reviewed and re-evaluated, but um, it's not been easy. I haven't done a great job, I've managed, but it's getting to the point where I'm like, okay, I now need to just I've I've I've got a lot of it out of my system. I need to just be a bit easier with myself rather than constantly throwing myself around all the time.

SPEAKER_01 29:00

You also need to be kind to yourself because obviously you're because you met your ex-husband so young in your life that actually the things that you've gone through in the last two years, most people went through in their 20s when they didn't have children, you know, they didn't have responsibilities, so you really do need to be kind to yourself by like learning to be an adult when you've already got all the adult responsibilities.

SPEAKER_00 29:27

I know this is the craziest thing because I was I said this to somebody the other day, and they said, You are literally doing what I did in my 20s, but in your mid-30s.

SPEAKER_01 29:36

Your business is successful, so why would you feel so miserable? Here's the thing success doesn't always automatically equal freedom. I see profitable business owners every day who can't take a holiday, who can't switch off, and they feel completely overwhelmed by their own achievements. Sound familiar? Well, I've created a simple quiz that pinpoints exactly why you feel stuck in your business. It will give you the clarity you need to move from being trapped to being free. Why don't you take the quiz now? The link's in the description below.

SPEAKER_00 30:12

And I it's it's I wrote a post about it earlier this week about being the most adult adult in the room. You know, like you always go, Oh, you look older and more experienced. I'm gonna ask you this question because you look like you're doing this well. And it's when you speak to other people that they were like, I did that after my divorce. And yes, okay, you're worrying about your tax bill, and yes, you're worrying about this, but it will all sort itself out. And it's it's kind of being somewhere between being too kind to yourself and being too harsh. You've got to kind of find that medium with okay, you've needed to do this, and by doing this, you're putting yourself in maybe a slightly different situation because I don't really want a motorbike. Yeah, so I think it's spin, like you didn't want to go and do other things. Like, move to Spain, you mean? Yeah, do you know what's it's on my list? The kids are all like, as soon as you get to 18, can we move to Italy? And you know, when you start talking to people, and like I sat on the train with a lady on the Euro star, and she said, Um, oh, it's impossible for you to move abroad now. And then we sort of briefly spoke about it before, and I was like, Bugsy, I'm not telling the kids.

SPEAKER_01 31:20

It isn't. It that that's not impossible, but because actually, as an entrepreneur, it is much easier to move abroad than it is for somebody who is an employee. So there is there is things, and it's about, I mean, you've created a a life for yourself with what you do as ghostwriting that you could actually work from wherever you want in the world. So it isn't that's that's her limiting belief, that's not yours. Um, so but yeah. So let's move on to like how do you as a ghostwriter, they're big projects, like they're they're they're projects that so like how do you balance that making sure that the income is still coming in when you're actually like you you've got this balance of being independent, like having the children, and then actually taking on new projects to make sure you've got enough time to do the work and actually bring the money in at the same time.

SPEAKER_00 32:14

Yeah, so it's um I used I remember and it's interesting when you uh look at your mental capacity, because I remember being with my ex-husband, I only had five to six clients, I thought I was drowning, I was working till two in the morning, I had no time to do anything, I was networking, I was having back-to-back calls, it was absolutely crazy. And then when I just when I'd actually decided that I needed to get myself in a position where I could leave, um, and I moved out, suddenly my work doubled, if not tripled. I had, you know, I work with roughly between 10 and 15 clients on various different projects. Most of them are retainers because it's available for everybody. Yeah. Um, but it's also looking at okay, these are how many clients I've got, this is how much them, okay. So so working out, as you said before, how much do I need to earn? This is my base level of bills. It was the scariest most adult thing I ever did. I think it was towards the end of last year where I actually sat down and I went through all of the accounts and I was like, what actually needs to come out every single month? And I know that feels so late after almost two years of being on my own, but it was more that I my initial thing was just get it every piece of work that you can, just take on every single client. And the market has shifted since Trump came in, where people the pipeline takes longer to develop, longer to mature. So recognising that you are gonna have to do more outreach. Um, I've always had referrals turn up when I've lost a client, so I've pretty much kept myself out of balance, but it's you know, my onboarding process was never that long, but I now actually have the headspace to do it. Because before I'd kind of overcooked it and I thought it was gonna take me a week and stuff like that. It doesn't. And it's amazing when you're in control of your own time, of your own energy. If I want to work on the weekend, I can, I don't need to feel bad about it. If I want to go to bed early, I can. If I need to take a day off, I can without because I always had the well, if you were working at full capacity, he always did this thing, and I don't know if you find other people doing this as well, where I did the whole um so if you're earning this much for this many clients and you reckon you're working this many hours a week, then what would we be earning if you then doubled your capacity? Because technically that would make you a full-time worker like everybody else, and it was this trying to constantly push me to work more. And I was like, but if the work's not there or I can't pull it in, or I don't have the capacity to go hunting, then that that model that you're creating for us doesn't work. Um, and it was one of the one of the last financial conversations we had was was quite funny in hindsight, where he said, We've never had so much money between the two of us now. We could have such a great life. Why is it at this point that you're leaving? And I'm like, Why do you think I'm doing so well? It's because I want to leave. Oh where was he? It's just like uh the stories that I could tell you, but it's that kind of capacity that we you know when you don't have so much playing on your mind, you you can do more work. And you know, last year I fell into the trap that a lot I think a lot of business owners do. When things start getting quiet, you go for a job. So loads of applications. I did four months with a with a business, I was quite surprised because I was told by a previous employer when I went freelance, nobody hires freelancers to work for them, so don't bother. Somebody else with colleagues again. Yeah, I worked with a lawyer for four months and they were quite disorganized and the projects weren't going to plan. But I saw, you know, I was then doing nine till five and then having the kids and then trying to work in the evening on my own business because I still had clients, and I thought if I'm ever able to get out of this, I never want to forget the importance of having that flexibility during my day. I could do more networking calls, I could find more clients, but this is what makes my life better than some of the employed friends I have who say that they never have time to meet up with a friend other than the weekend, and they can't go out to the beach if they feel like I mean, I don't do that so much now. But it's actually realizing that there needs to be a balance. There's only, you know, you can earn so much and it's really important, but actually, you still need to have, you know, I'm I've taken it for granted, but like you said, after the two years I've had, after the 16 years of my life where I've lived in this very chaotic and abusive, controlling situation, I really just need to afford myself as much time as possible to work out who I now am, whether that's financially, whether that's as a business owner, whether that's as a person. And I I said this to the therapist. They said, you have to understand that this is the first time I've had my own emotions without somebody balancing it. You're not walking on eggshells, so you are feeling what you're feeling a hundred percent of the time without anybody telling you differently. And that does affect business decisions and it will affect financial decisions. But I think it's there's I've got a long time to be perfect or to be somewhere close to perfect. I need to have this little bit of chaos whilst I'm kind of getting out of my system and resting. And I think that's what I try and tell a lot of business owners is that if you we're always talking about six-figure months and and and getting the car that you want and living in the house that you want and and always striving for more. We don't recognise or respect that times in our lives we just need to be content and we just need to cover what we need. We just need to be at a level where I'm covering the bills, don't have a lot extra, still living life, but I need to just rest. Um, and I think that financially has probably been the most important thing of recognizing that at some point you you just need to take some of the pressure off somewhere, and growing the business sometimes is is where you need to stop. Exactly that.

SPEAKER_01 38:17

So if somebody asks me what financial independence means to me, I just make choices. It's to work when I want with who I want from where I want. That for me is financial independence. And if I have the the income to be able to choose those three things, and that doesn't mean whether I want to be, you know, earning 10 10 figures a month, or if I want to be a millionaire, if I want to be a billionaire, that it's it's totally not in the sphere of actually how much that is, it's what what income gives me the ability to have those three things, and they do change over time. So, like it's about like at the minute, like we spoke about before I pressed record. I have my grandchildren for two days in the school holidays every single time it's a school holiday. That's 12 weeks of the year, whereas like I'm taking time out. I mean, in half time, I had them from Monday to Thursday, loved it, loved it, and that flexibility for me is more important than what my turnover says on my on my balance shirt, on my profit and loss. So it's kind of like it is having life, is is it's always changing, and what we strive for it one part of our life isn't what we strive strive for in the next. So it is, and something that you also you said that was really interesting, it's about knowing learning who you are now, because actually, as especially as women, um I've taken out half of the population, but no, they understand, they they're much more understanding we give them credit for. When when suddenly when we become an adult, we I we we become our identities. So we're a wife, we're a mother, we're a daughter, you know, we're a we're an employee, we're a business owner. We we as women we tend to become the labels that people give us, and then suddenly we come to a point in our life and it's like actually, who am I? Yeah, like who physically, and that's really hard for many, many women to actually think because I have like I was like and when I wrote the book, there's a page that made my mum cry because I said how I'd lived my life for everybody else until that point of when I decided I wanted to come to Spain because I wanted to be a good daughter, I wanted to be a good wife, and I wanted to be a good mother, but and every choice I made was for those three people. Yeah, it was never for me.

SPEAKER_00 40:58

No, and this is what I find really interesting about the difference, especially post-divorce. I look at the women that I know who are going through divorce, they always seem to be struggling, and that's mostly because our priority is the children. We take part-time jobs, we take flexible jobs, we're trying to spend as much of our time with the children, and therefore, that does take a certain amount away from growing a business, or our career was on hold anyway because we had children, or we were juggling so many different things, and so it's not it's it sounds not bitter because I'm not, it's just the actual truth of it's much easier for a man to get to the point in their career that they've always aspired to because there are less interruptions, there are less delays, they're able to focus on it because primarily we end up staying at home with the children, we take the lesser jobs because that's what fits around what they're doing. Yeah, and I look at the career decisions that I've made, you know, I've always worked part-time, I've worked in lots of different industries, but I've worked part-time, it's always fit around something else, and so I think either we need to stop doing the comparison and feeling so bad because there really isn't one, or we need to try and work out a way of educating women so that before we start embodying these roles that live for everybody else, we actually understand that there is that ability for give and take, there is the ability to be selfish because you know, until recently self-care was selfish. I still think most of us assume that it is. So I'd I'd love to see younger women coming through the system recognising that okay, you don't it's that whole thing of you can have it all. Actually, we don't have the capacity to have it all. Men don't have the capacity to have it all. That's why they focus on their careers and they're able to slot pickups around their nine to five, whether as women give up the nine to five for pick up and drop off, or you know, they use their lunch break and stuff. I feel like there's a completely different shift in our careers and how we're able to manage post-divorce, and that massively impacts the finances, it always will. Um, and I think it's I'd like to see more of a positive message, but I would like, and I know that there are women who do this, but I'd like to see more women talking through that because it's like being electrocuted when you leave a relationship where you've done all of that together, you've suddenly got the shock of coming out and doing it by yourself. And I'd love to see more programmes that actually help women through that slightly more traumatic period because you do make some really awful decisions because suddenly you've got to, and either you you you stay quiet or you end up in splurging. And I'd love to see more of that being a conversation, I think.

SPEAKER_01 43:49

Yes, because it's such a shock. It is, I think it is, like, especially when it's been a long time. Like if you go, I mean, like I wasn't married for a long time, by the way. So, like mine was like just a chapter of my life. I'd been a single parent for many more years than I was a married woman. So mine was a little bit backward, but I know that's not the norm. So it's kind of that I don't know if there is a norm anymore.

SPEAKER_00 44:12

I know I don't think there's a norm anymore. I mean, I I haven't had an adult life on my own. I've you know, my entire adult experience has been shared conversations and compromises and stuff like that. It's never, you know, I've had autonomy in in well, I'd actually say probably in the last year because then I was in a relationship after that point where I tried to do the same of trying to make those decisions together because you think that's having a relationship. It isn't. When you're not living with each other, you don't need their input. You can take the collective hive mind to help you make a decision, but you don't need to die, you know, die on the hill of somebody else's financial decisions and their own education. So, yeah, I'd like to see more I'd like to see more empowerment. Um, and I'd like to, like you said, being kinder to ourselves because there's a lot that happens that lead us to suddenly being in the situation. It'd be great if we were all financially dependent when we started off, because then we'd have a little bit more territory over it. But most of us are coming at it after trauma and all sorts of things. I think it's just it's important to have the conversations and be honest about what happens and how it impacts those decisions.

SPEAKER_01 45:21

Thank you so much. I've really enjoyed this conversation before. I like why I'd just like to say if anyone's interested in talking to you about ghostwriting and what you do, I'll put it. Don't ask me about finance. No, not about finances, just ghostwriting. Where can they get hold of you, Heda?

SPEAKER_00 45:39

I am on LinkedIn all of the time. So yeah, it's my my thing is trying to make difficult conversations easier to understand, more relatable, more engaging for people. Um, because a lot of these conversations don't happen off enough. So thank you so much for facilitating it as well.

SPEAKER_01 45:56

Oh, you're very welcome. Thank you so much. And I hope everyone else enjoyed it as much as I do, and I will speak to you next time. Thank you very much. Thank you for watching to the end. I really appreciate it. And it shows that you are serious about moving your business forward. I want to share something with you. When I was little, I watched my mum skip meals so my brother and I could eat because she didn't have enough money to feed us all. That pain changed everything. I promised myself I would never need to rely on anyone else financially. I worked relentlessly towards financial independence. Even as a young parent of 19, I still worked. Once I achieved financial independence, I became passionate that everyone deserves the same. But here's what I've discovered. Successful business owners can feel financially trapped just in a different way. And that's why I created the Money Metrics Academy to help you understand your essential business numbers in under an hour a week. No jargon, no overwhelm, just the clarity you need for true financial independence. Why not join the free entry level membership and see how the community can help you? Let's get on stuck together.