Episode 20: Laura

Meet Laura, 9-months pregnant, who talks about hope, big and frequent disappointment, and what it means to be taking on a fantastic new adventure.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi everybody, welcome back to the Niners Podcast. Today's episode we hear from Laura, who at the time of this recording is nine months pregnant. Enjoy.

SPEAKER_01 0:10

I think for IVF, there are more opportunities for disappointment than anybody can ever explain to you. And so I think having a little bit of strength going into the process, making sure you have good support going into the process. Because it's long and it's hard. It's also possible. And so there is the hope is real. Um and it's reasonable to have that hope, but have a little strength going in. Have people that you can really rely on. And then I think pregnancy is a little scary too. Because there's opportunities you find out things you you didn't want to know, either about your body or the baby or the fetus. Um but I think just holding on to that hope that everything's gonna be okay is really powerful. I am so and I know I keep using the word excited, but it I think is really the right word for where I am right now. To get to rediscover this world through the eyes of a child and with a child, and to share the things that, you know, make me smile and giggle when I think about my own childhood. I get to go to children's museums, I get to go to the park, I have tons of books because that's the one thing that people have asked to give gifts. I just say, give me your favorite book. I don't care what age it's for, I just want a shelf of books that my kid can explore, and I can explore with him.

SPEAKER_00 1:41

Good afternoon, good morning, whatever time you're tuning in. I'm Tim Cunningham, host of the Niners Podcast, where we interview folks who are living on the cusp of something. Someone who has a nine in their age, on the edge of a decade, living on the edge of a century. And today I have the profound privilege and honor of interviewing my friend Laura, who is on the cusp of bringing a new life onto this planet. Laura, it is such a joy to see you and to reconnect after many, many years. How are you?

SPEAKER_01 2:13

Doing really well. Just excited and things are about to change.

SPEAKER_00 2:17

We were just talking before I started recording, though. How long has it been, would you say, since we last chatted and hung out?

SPEAKER_01 2:22

We're we're thinking maybe like six to eight to nine years, somewhere in that. More than five years. Yeah. At least.

SPEAKER_00 2:28

Way more than five years. You I think that we determined you guest lectured at a class that I I taught a long time ago. That was our last sort of official checkpoint. Maybe it was nine years. Let's say nine years, because this is the nine years podcast. Okay, so it's been nine years.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

I mean, it sounds like a long time.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

It feels like a long time. To begin, can you tell us how far along you are today in your pregnancy?

SPEAKER_01 2:49

Yeah. I'm 37 weeks and two days. So in the nine ninth month, depending on how you do the math for pregnancy, which is bizarre and random, uh, because it's sort of 10 months if you do the math. Anyway, it's the last month of pregnancy, so people call it the ninth month. So I'm gonna meet this guy in sometime in January this month. It's happening.

SPEAKER_00 3:12

Sometime it's happening this month. And I know we were messaging before this interview, and you had a checkup the other day, and there were some things going on where you potentially were gonna have to get in induced, and I'm glad you didn't, and we're deep in the nine months here. Yeah. I can't imagine what it's like, uh almost like day to day. Who knows what's gonna happen?

SPEAKER_01 3:29

Any day. Any day like it could be today, it could be tomorrow, I could be working still next week. I have no idea.

SPEAKER_00 3:35

Amazing. Laura, can you tell us what you do? Both work and life, what what keeps you busy?

SPEAKER_01 3:39

Uh, I work as a pediatric intensive care physician. So I mostly provide care to super sick kids um in a hospital setting. Anything from like one day old, sometimes I prefer them to go to a different unit, but I can take care of one day olds um up to like 18, 20 year olds.

SPEAKER_00 3:56

What constitutes one day old? Does a child have to be born for like five hours before you care for them? Like, or is it like you could technically care for a young child immediately after birth? What does a day mean?

SPEAKER_01 4:08

Yeah, so I could technically care for them immediately after birth. It really depends if what care they need. If the neonatal ICU can take care of them, they stay there. But there's specific things I can offer that they can't. So if they need help with dialysis and their kidneys aren't working, they're gonna come to my unit and I'll help them out. So I might take care of a five-hour old patient.

SPEAKER_00 4:27

If I needed help with dialysis, can I call you?

SPEAKER_01 4:29

I think you're a little bit older than our cutoff, but I would love to take care of you because I think our unit's great.

SPEAKER_00 4:34

All right, well, I'll still call you and you can tell me no if if it comes to it. Tell us uh uh about other things you like to do to spend your time.

SPEAKER_01 4:40

Normally I like to play Ultimate Frisbee. It's how I met my husband. Um, and we've still been playing competitively on and off. Um I stopped playing when I was about five months pregnant, still went to a tournament, tried to play some points. I was not very fast, so it's okay. My belly was already kind of big and breathing was a little more challenging than it had been. Um, but we we still play and do that, and then I spend a lot of time in my backyard with chickens and bees and a big garden just trying to make life happen.

SPEAKER_00 5:08

So you have a backyard. Let's take a step back before you take us take a step forward. Can you tell us where you're from and where you currently live now?

unknown 5:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:15

Uh originally from Washington State, spent half my childhood there, and then half my childhood in Northern Virginia. Um, and I'm now in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and I've been here for about four years.

SPEAKER_00 5:25

And uh I think we first met in Charlottesville, Virginia. I don't know. You were in med school. I believe I was in nursing school at the time. Uh yeah. Many, many, many, many, many years ago.

SPEAKER_01 5:35

Yeah, just a couple.

SPEAKER_00 5:36

Just a couple, no big deal. Uh Laura, as you think about being nine months pregnant, can you tell us a little bit about what excites you the most about moving into the next month, really? I mean, the next few years, bringing a child onto this planet.

SPEAKER_01 5:51

What right now it's the idea of meeting someone and meeting someone that's totally new, and I have no idea what he's gonna be like. And I know I'm having a boy. Okay. Um, we don't have any names picked out. We have like a list that we'll see what he looks like and meet him and try to see what fits. But the idea that there's this person inside of me and I feel him moving all the time, like right now, he's kicking me. Hey guys, I don't know what he's gonna be like. Right? Like, I don't know what's gonna make him happy or what's gonna excite him. Talking with my husband this morning about, you know, we both play music and we do a lot of music still. You know, is he gonna want to play a stringed instrument or a band instrument? Is he gonna be a percussion player? Is he gonna be tone deaf and hate music? I have no idea what's going to excite him and what his passions are gonna be. I get to start meeting him this month. And I'm not gonna figure those things out for years, obviously. But is he gonna be an easy baby, a harder baby, whatever that means? Is he gonna love being held? Is he gonna be good at eating? Am I we gonna have to work on those things? Like it's just this unknown, but the excitement of of really kind of meeting him wherever he's at and making him part of our family. It's exciting.

SPEAKER_00 7:07

As you think about meeting this new baby, can you tell us a little bit about your your journey? What has that change been like over the last nine months for you?

SPEAKER_01 7:16

Yeah, this has been a little bit of a longer journey than nine months for us. I'm older, having a kid, and needed fertility support in order to be able to do this. So this was a year of IVF treatments trying to get an embryo that was okay and compatible with life. And our very, very last round, I was emotionally done, physically done. And every time we got embryos, I would get the call that would say, They're not okay. And so we'd try one more time. Right. And so the last one we got two eggs that turned into two embryos. And I was expecting that phone call again to say, I'm so sorry, they're not okay. And I was done. I was I'd made my peace. And so they called, and I think I preempted her and said, So they're not fine. And she was like, No, no, no, they are fine. And I was like, No, no, no, they're not fine. And I think we had like a little argument as to whether or not they were okay, and they were both fine. So we had a male and a female embryo, and we decided to put the male in first and see if it stuck. And even that only has a maybe 50-50 chance of being successful. So the opportunities for failure in this process have been huge, and there have been disappointment after disappointment. So this last year has been this just incredible gift of something I didn't think was gonna happen. Um, it's been really exciting.

SPEAKER_00 8:31

Congratulations, 50-50 chance. I and I've heard other folks comment on how the IVS prof IVF process is like it's solid, it's good, but it still doesn't guarantee and long.

unknown 8:44

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 8:44

And you know, when physicians give numbers, right, they're they're general. But when we started the process, they were like, maybe you have a 10% chance of having a kid. Like it was a really low number to go with, but it was also something that we wanted. So it's it's been wild to have something that I really wanted, but I've also been a little fearful of the bad news. Um, and then every step of the journey so far really has been reassuring where ultrasounds look good and weight is good and growth is great, and he's so active, which is really fun going from like just little feelings of movement. And now I I I know where his feet are. I can feel his feet, which ones are his hands, and I can like put my little fingers on my belly and like kind of outline where his foot is. It's wild.

SPEAKER_00 9:26

Could you even almost like hold his hand then? If his hand is reaching out and you put your finger where his little hand is?

SPEAKER_01 9:31

More his feet than his hands. His hands are like way down by his head. He's always ducking on his fingers every time we gotcha.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

I guess that's the right position for a baby at this point, too. They want to be head down, head down, ready to roll.

SPEAKER_01 9:43

Half the time his feet are down there too, and he's like holding on to his feet.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

So it might be an acrobat? Contortionist. Well, Laura, I you know, as long as I've known you, you're brilliant for one. And I feel like you're one of my friends who's really been able throughout your your career and life to get what you want. Like you work real hard and have been extremely successful. And I'm I'm just excited about this next success that you have you and and your husband have worked so hard towards.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

Thrilling. Yeah. That's I've been just really thankful of all the support and technology and science that has allowed me this opportunity and allowed me to have a full career first. So it's really exciting to shift into this huge different chapter where I was very much career focused. Um, you know, focused on my medical practice and focused on my relationship with my husband. And now we get to shift this focus into expanding that family from two to three in a way that I think is just it's I know I can't imagine all the changes that are coming.

SPEAKER_00 10:43

How many bees do you think you have in your backyard? And chickens. Like 10,000? 10,000.

SPEAKER_01 10:48

Okay, we only have one hive, but one hive has a lot of ladies in it.

SPEAKER_00 10:51

I believe it. So you actually have a family of like thousands and thousands of thousands plus one. But I guess this is by far the most significant family member coming around.

SPEAKER_01 11:00

Ten female chickens. So we're we're adding a boy to the mix.

SPEAKER_00 11:03

Good, good. You need some more gender balance.

SPEAKER_01 11:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:06

Laura, if you could look back to maybe the beginning of your pregnancy, or maybe if you choose to, sort of the beginning of your your IVF journey, would there be any advice that if there was someone listening in who was maybe beginning a similar journey that you might be willing to give?

SPEAKER_01 11:21

I think for IVF, there are more opportunities for disappointment than anybody can ever explain to you. And so I think having a little bit of strength going into the process, making sure you have good support going into the process, because it's long and it's hard. It's also possible. And so there is the hope is real, um, and it's reasonable to have that hope, but have a little strength going in. Have people that you can really rely on. And then I think pregnancy is a little scary too. Because there's opportunities you find out things you you didn't want to know, either about your body or the baby or the fetus. Um but I think just holding on to that hope that everything's gonna be okay is really powerful.

SPEAKER_00 12:10

As you look forward, Laura, with this excitement of getting to know this complete stranger, who's also I guess not a stranger because he's been with you for a good long while already.

SPEAKER_01 12:20

Um he likes music.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

You know, you know that. What kind of music?

SPEAKER_01 12:25

Definitely anything with drums.

SPEAKER_00 12:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:29

We went to a Michael Jackson musical and he was awake for two and a half hours of listening to Michael Jackson. So Michael Jackson is in.

SPEAKER_00 12:37

All right. Fair.

SPEAKER_01 12:38

We listened to a Barom Symphony last night and he played the whole time. So I think he's pretty open for music. All right. But as long as there's like music, he's awake and like kicking and moving, and I know that if I turn something on, he's he's gonna wake up.

SPEAKER_00 12:52

Does he respond to you or your husband singing?

SPEAKER_01 12:54

My husband playing piano. Mike, my husband, has really gotten into jazz piano over the last couple years, and so he plays probably a couple hours every day. I joke that he's gonna think that his dad is just the piano and not the voice, because I think he hears as much piano as he does voice.

SPEAKER_00 13:10

Um so his his his his first words might be piano instead of dad. Are there any things that are concerning you right now as you think about the the near future?

SPEAKER_01 13:21

I mean, I I don't think there's probably any woman who's pregnant that isn't a little bit worried about how this thing's gonna get out. That's somehow we have to become separate people this month. So it's a little bit nerve-wracking to to do that. I think I've also tried to do all the things that are in my control to be ready in terms of being fit and healthy and have a good support network. And I trust the midwives that I'm working with, and I trust the physicians that back up the nurse, midwives that I'm working with. So I I think I have a lot of faith that things are gonna be okay, but that's a little I'm definitely nervous about how he's gonna fit out somehow.

SPEAKER_00 13:59

You will be taking on radical new steps, if you could, and and I know the future is hard to predict, but what would you like to say the next 10 years will look like? What's your vision for that next decade before maybe your child is a niner?

SPEAKER_01 14:12

I am so and I know I keep by using the word excited, but it I think is really the right word for where I am right now. To get to rediscover this world through the eyes of a child and with a child, and to share the things that you know make me smile and giggle when I think about my own childhood. I get to go to children's museums, I get to go to the park, I have tons of books, because that's the one thing that people have asked to give gifts. I just say, give me your favorite book. I don't care what age it's for, I just want a shelf of books that my kid can explore and I can explore with him, you know, the imagination and the creativity. I want to do art projects. I want to teach him to cook and to build things and to create things and to discover worms in the dirt and be excited by worms in the dirt in a way that I'm not excited anymore about the worms in the dirt and to watch him chase our chickens. That discovery of this world, which I think right now is I think an especially hard place with just some of the stuff that's going on in our country and our world, and to be able to hold on to the joy and the discovery and the magic that children have. That it's just naturally what they are and who they are, and to get to share that with him and to remember that part of me that I think we all still have, but I think we can forget about it. And I have this wonderful excuse to bring that back. So I think those those are the big things. It's just this rediscovery of the world through the eyes of a kid.

SPEAKER_00 15:45

Yeah. The world you're about to learn, the world you're about to see, and the world that you're living in now. Can you tell us in this moment, at this stage of your life, what matters the most to you?

SPEAKER_01 15:57

People in my world, which maybe sounds a little I don't know. The relationships that I have, the conversations I have with my husband, the just getting to snuggle and sleep in. I'm so thankful for that at the moment, knowing that that's ending. Which is why I pushed this interview a little bit later, because I was like, I know I'm gonna wake up, but I'm not gonna want to get out of bed. I want that extra hour. No, and and it's the the friends at work, the the colleagues, those are the things I think right now that are the most important to me are my my family members and trying to build up the people around me and being the support for them when they need it, and that they're the support for me when I've needed it. I think those are the things that really keep me going in this world are the human connections that to me make life interesting and exciting and fun and worth it.

SPEAKER_00 16:43

Fantastic, Laura. Thank you so much. Before we wrap this up, I'll ask, is there anything else you would like to share to maybe a niner listening in, someone who's got a nine in their age, someone who's nine months pregnant, or just anything you want the listeners to know about you before we end?

SPEAKER_01 16:58

I don't know. Embrace the excitement of change, I guess. I'm trying to do that and mitigate the fear. But change can be so, so cool. I hope if people are at the cusp of the decade that that next decade is is cool and exciting and different and makes them better or expands their perspective. And I'm I can't imagine how much is gonna change for me and my husband over this next nine years as as we meet this guy.

SPEAKER_00 17:22

And you got me wanting to ask another question now, by what you just mentioned as you're sort of working to mitigate your own fears and concerns. What's working for you right now is as worries come up, whether it's related to your child or or the world or whatever. Any advice on how to mitigate some of those concerns?

SPEAKER_01 17:39

I think there's a combination of accepting them and validating them and knowing that it's okay to have them. Sharing them, I think, also can help, but you can't stay on them. If that's the only thing that you think about all the time, then you just get into a cycle where your fears become more fears and you find more things to be scared of. And I I work in a job where things are scary. I take care of really, really sick kids and and work with families when their children are horribly sick. I think it's always okay to hold space for hope. And I've gotten that asked recently by a family. They were like, Are you are you sure it's okay to be hopeful still? And I think it's always okay to be hopeful and have some space for hope. It doesn't mean you can't prepare for what might happen and find the support that you need to be, you know, have be able to address what's gonna happen, but keep that space for hope.

SPEAKER_00 18:34

Dear Laura, this has been such a treat. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_01 18:37

My pleasure.

SPEAKER_00 18:39

Audience, I'm happy to share that Laura has delivered a healthy baby boy. Laura and family are doing well and enjoying this new stage in their lives together. I'm Tim Cunningham, host of the Niners Podcast. And I'm excited about our next episode, which will actually be two episodes together, because for the first time in the history of the Niners Podcast, I have the opportunity to interview two nine year olds. They're besties, and they've got a lot of wisdom to share. See you next time.