Episode 30: Abby

At 9 months, Abby has had quite a journey through her pregnancy. We'll chat about art, creativity, and the deep importance of perspective. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

The way that I found out I was pregnant was actually because my husband and I were victims of a hit and run. And um, when the impact happened, I was hit in the back of the head and I got a concussion. And so when I was seeing medical professionals, I found out that I was pregnant. So that was a complete shock, wild ride to realize um we could have died. And also I am responsible for someone else, someone else's life. But what's so incredible about that, because I'm an optimist, we didn't die. I'm still very much here. And I had a lot of therapy afterwards. So I had physical therapy, but I also had mental health therapy for several months. And it it healed not only the trauma from that experience, but this trauma that I was carrying from my childhood. And I think that's the the only way that adults should bring children into this world is by remembering that they were once a child too.

SPEAKER_00 1:03

Good morning, good afternoon, good whatever time it is, wherever you you are, however you're listening or viewing or taking in this content. I'm Tim Cunningham, the host of the Niners Podcast, where I have the profound privilege to chat with folks who have a nine in their age, folks who are living at the edge of a decade or living at the edge of a century, folks who are in their 90s, and also folks who are nine months pregnant and about to bring a new life onto the planet. And today for our episode, I am thrilled to be talking with I'm gonna take a I'm gonna take a risk here and say my new friend. We we've just gotten to know each other for a few months, but um, my new friend Abby, who has some really cool things to share. Good to see you. How are you doing, Dee?

SPEAKER_01 1:47

So good to see you. And yes, I will take the friend's title absolutely with honor. I was saying before we start recording recording how incredible you are as a human, how inspiring you are. So if I can call you a friend as well as an inspiration, I'll take it.

SPEAKER_00 2:03

All right, here we go. We are now official friends, and thank you for saying those kind words, Abby. As we jump into the interview, as this is about age and nines in our age, tell us where you're at right now with the number nine.

SPEAKER_01 2:15

Absolutely. So I am very pregnant. I am nine months pregnant, and I am reminded every second of every day at this point in my life, but that is the nine in my life.

unknown 2:27

Right.

SPEAKER_00 2:28

To begin, tell us a little bit about yourself. Where are you from and where do you live now?

SPEAKER_01 2:32

Yeah. So I am born and raised in Arizona, but I wasn't always here. So after high school, I did a lot of soul searching. I moved to South Korea, where my mom is from. And there I was going to school and I was also teaching English. And then I backpacked Southeast Asia for several months where I was volunteering teaching English. I was in a traveling band. I was the lead singer of kind of a hip-hop RB band. I've had many lives. I ended up in New York City and Jersey, where I met my now husband. And then after all that traveling and exploring, I realized that home, home for me really is the mountains, the desert. And so I am proud to be back in Arizona in Tempe. I just, I love it here.

SPEAKER_00 3:16

And you and I met in Arizona at a conference, I guess, a year or so ago. And I've been back a few times. I love Arizona. It's beautiful. That heat, though, how how do you manage the heat?

SPEAKER_01 3:29

I'll take it over the humidity. I mean, people don't talk about it's 100 degrees in Florida and 90% humidity. That is awful. You're always wet. You get out of the shower, you're already wet from other things. So I I love the Arizona heat.

unknown 3:45

Right.

SPEAKER_00 3:45

Abby, you've you've led many, many lives. You're about to embark, I would assume, in into a new life and a profoundly beautiful stage of your life. But looking back first, what's your favorite sort of stage in your life previous to now with all your travels and experiences?

SPEAKER_01 4:02

Ooh, that's a good question. My favorite stage in my life, it's gotta be right now. It's gotta be right now. A lot of things are about to change, but I feel um most confident in who I am and my identity right now and fulfilled with what I'm doing for work and in my free time. I feel like everything is finally aligned. And, you know, I'm in the third decade of my life, and I I'm hoping and I'm trusting that it's just gonna get better from here. Can you tell us a little bit more about what keeps you busy? To keep it simple, I create. I love to create, and I'm very artistic and creative. And if I'm not creating for myself, I find a way to create for others. But regardless of what job I've had in my past, I am creating. So I am a registered nurse, but I also have this unique role in my facility called program specialist, where in finding innovative and creative ways to provide evidence-based curriculum to our patients in a way that is actually going to reach them. So I add art, I add storytelling, you know, not so dissimilar to what you do, trying to bring joy and love into this very scientific and sometimes kind of cold profession.

SPEAKER_00 5:21

I don't know if you heard in the news, but recently the state of Georgia passed a new law that allows for the prescription of certain artistic modalities as a form of treatment for certain mental health concerns and things like that. So it's amazing what you do. And I'm excited that there are laws now following the lead of you and other artists around the nation to say, yeah, arts heal. Let's prescribe.

SPEAKER_01 5:47

I love that. I'd love to read that article. I mean, I am a firm believer in it. I see it every day. So Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:52

I see it right now too in your background. I I see you've got thread, you've got a uh like a thing that you build clothing on, some paintings. Yes. So you're surrounded by it, it looks like.

SPEAKER_01 6:01

Yeah, and these are just a couple of my hobbies.

SPEAKER_00 6:04

So well, Abby, you mentioned you're really, really, really, really pregnant.

SPEAKER_01 6:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:08

Can you share a little bit about what excites you the most as you look forward into the coming days, months?

SPEAKER_01 6:17

So I was listening to some of your previous podcasts, and someone else you interviewed who was also nine months, she said it perfectly. She described it as getting the opportunity to explore and experience the world again through the eyes of the child. And I'm I'm so excited to learn from my kid because seeing their point of view, rediscovering or relearning things again because it's the first time that she gets to experience it, that's what I'm so excited for is that being present, appreciating the smallest things in life.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

As as you look back on your your the course of your pregnancy, can you tell us a little bit about how you feel like you've changed?

SPEAKER_01 7:02

Yes, I have changed a lot in these nine months. So I'll start with a story. Um the way that I found out I was pregnant was actually because my husband and I were victims of a hit and run. And um, when the impact happened, I was hit in the back of the head and I got a concussion. And so when I was seeing medical professionals, I found out that I was pregnant. So that was a complete shock, wild ride to realize we could have died, and also I am responsible for someone else, someone else's life. But what's so incredible about that, because I'm an optimist, we didn't die. I'm still very much here, and I had a lot of therapy afterwards. So I had physical therapy, but I also had mental health therapy for several months, and it it healed not only the trauma from that experience, but this trauma that I was carrying from my childhood. And I think that's the the only way that adults should bring children into this world is by remembering that they were once a child too. Yeah. And so feeling healed, there's still a lot of work for me to do, but having the opportunity to really go through that process of healing and remembering and wanting to change and be better for her is incredible. And so a lot of, a lot of change these last nine months.

SPEAKER_00 8:28

Wow, what a story. And for listeners who might be scratching their heads of like, you got in a car wreck, how do you know you're pregnant? You know, standard protocol in emergency departments is they'll do a urine pregnancy test on any woman of childbearing age that comes in with an injury. So I'm assuming that's that's sort of the the surprise. Yes. Abby, we we had had recently discussed on social media a post that I put, and there was a book that you recommended to me. I have not got my hands on it yet, but I do want to read it. But it sort of referenced play and playfulness. Can you talk a little bit about that and and how does that relate to as you're one healing yourself and two preparing to re-engage it in your in childhood, I guess?

SPEAKER_01 9:12

Yeah. So the book is called Becoming Better Grown-Ups. And I've recommended it to you twice now because I'm Okay, I'll do it.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

I'll read it. I promise. With two recommendations. I'll do it.

SPEAKER_01 9:21

I know that you'll love it. I recommend listening to it because it's also an auditory experience. But um what I get from that is just remembering that children are teachers and remembering that yeah, life is exhausting and adults are tired. And that's how children describe us is you know, my mom and dad are tired, and they use this word exhausted, and trying to avoid that as much as possible. We we still have a lot of life to live, and we can still do it tired. We can use other descriptors to experience our life. But yeah, just being open to learning from kids and hearing what they have to say, say, instead of always thinking we have to be the teachers for them.

SPEAKER_00 10:05

With all this excitement and all this preparation, as you look forward, are there's some things that concern you and and and cause a little bit of stress?

SPEAKER_01 10:16

So many things. So, you know, surface level, but big issues are lack of sleep, healing, postpartum, going back to work. How is that going to be when I have this new role as mom? But also kind of what I've been mentioning a few times that's really on my mind these days is focusing too much on the future. I love asking parents during this pregnancy experience, you know, what's your greatest advice for me? What could you tell me? And the theme is always savor these moments, take those pictures, you know, enjoy this time. And so my biggest fear is focusing too much on the future and being anxious about the what ifs of tomorrow. So, you know, really experiencing life where my feet are right now, enjoying the moment with my daughter. Um, that's my goal.

SPEAKER_00 11:07

And there's so many moments and so many distractions to pull us from the moment. I'm sure you see that as a nurse. I've seen that as a nurse of we get pulled in so many ways. But there's something beautiful about working as a nurse in a healthcare setting because it it forces many of us into the moment, even if they're traumatic moments or critical moments, but there's still that ability. And and this book I'm working on about compassion, I'll send you a copy when it comes out. But one thing I've learned in that book is that when people experience compassion, time seems to stretch out and slow down. And that moment that they're having seems to go on. And it sounds like for a lot of folks the worries, the future-facing worries can feel like they fall away for a moment.

SPEAKER_01 11:46

Yeah. I would like a copy of that book. Signed, please.

SPEAKER_00 11:49

Wow, signed. Okay, okay. You you you you ask a lot of me. You asked me to read this book, then get it on audiobook. And uh okay, for you, Abby, I will do it.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

Thank you. Can't wait to read it.

SPEAKER_00 11:59

Yeah, and I will sign it to you and your daughter. Yes, that'd be amazing. Uh Abby, if you were, as you think about the course of your pregnancy and all the things you've learned, if you were to meet a person who's newly pregnant, what would you want to share with them as some advice?

SPEAKER_01 12:18

That's a good question. I would say uh a common fear and theme that I hear from other mothers is they lost a part of themselves or it was a sacrifice. And I'm a firm believer that perspective is everything and mindset matters. The things we tell ourselves matter. And I refuse to take on that narrative. I believe that I am all the things that I already am, and this is just an addition. So motherhood is going to be new and it's going to be an identity shift, but it's not going to be an ident identity loss. I'm still very much who I am and who I'm meant to be. So my advice would be remembering that you you're changed, but you're also still the same. You're still who you are.

SPEAKER_00 13:08

Abby, last question. Well, I probably have another question after that, but last, last big one. I'm curious to learn from you in this moment where you are right here in life, what matters the most to you?

SPEAKER_01 13:23

What matters the most to me is living on purpose with purpose. So I wake up every morning trying to do whatever fulfills me. And if I don't feel fulfilled in the workplace or in my free time, I change it. I am constantly seeking fulfillment. And what brings me joy is inspiring others and creating. So that's what matters most. And especially as I think about bringing a new human into this world, it's so important for her to see that I'm sticking to that mentality as well, so that she can also find her purpose in life.

SPEAKER_00 14:05

I see creative stuff behind you. I know you do a lot of creative stuff in the hospitals, work with narrative medicine and art and murals and all sorts of that stuff. What what's inspiring you? And like, is there a song, a piece of work or something that that is really pulling your focus right now that's really inspiring you?

SPEAKER_01 14:23

Ooh. That's a great question, too. I would say for personal projects, what's really inspiring me is a cousin, actually, Lauren Bali. She asked me to be on this project with her and I'm going to be an illustrator. And so I'll be for not the first time actually. I've illustrated and written a children's book before, but having this level of a project with her and her trusting me to be an illustrator for children's book is incredible. And I won't give too many details about what it is, but that's so exciting for me. Um, I forgot the question. Sorry.

SPEAKER_00 15:00

Oh, well, well, you just answered it. So what what are the the what's the thing or the things that are inspiring you right now in in your creative world?

SPEAKER_01 15:08

Yeah, and creatively too, as far as other artists, I'm finding a lot of inspiration right now in gospel.

SPEAKER_00 15:15

Gospel.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

Gospel has, you know, come and ebb and flowed in my life. But right now, Lauren Vagel is really speaking to me. She has some incredible songs, like one specifically Look Up Child, who that song is for me and my inner child, but it's also for my future daughter. And creatively, her words, her poetry through music is really speaking to me right now.

SPEAKER_00 15:41

Is your future daughter listening to music with you along the way?

SPEAKER_01 15:44

Yes, she is. She has no choice.

SPEAKER_00 15:47

Is she responding? Or are there things it seems that she kicks a little more to?

SPEAKER_01 15:52

Yeah, I think she's gonna be a drummer.

SPEAKER_00 15:54

Alright. All right. I was I was a drummer and I keep a drum pad next to my desk. So when I get stressed, I just run through rudiments and things like that.

SPEAKER_01 16:02

Amazing.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

I love playing drums because then like drummers don't always get all the, you know, like the lead singers like you, you get all the fame and fortune, but if you don't have a good drummer, everybody falls apart.

SPEAKER_01 16:13

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 16:14

So she's the she'll be the core of your your future band. Yeah. Well, Abby, those are all my questions. Do you have any other thoughts that you'd like to share with the audience before we wrap up? What is your passion project right now? Oh, thank you for asking. I just submitted this book, and so I'm kind of tired of writing, but like along the process of writing this book and just learning so many stories about compassion really just, I mean, kept me awake at night in a good way. I just got back from Ukraine. As we mentioned before, this started. I was working with some healthcare clowns, doing some organizing for a national chapter of healthcare clowns, and while on the street, uh I found an accordion for sale at a flea market, and it fit perfectly in my suitcase. So I think my next passion is getting back into music. I know a little bit about a couple instruments, but I I don't know anything about the accordion. So next step will be learning some accordion basics. So if you need a backup accordionist at any point in your future singer career, your daughter on the drums, I'd be happy to uh play accordion for you.

SPEAKER_01 17:19

I love it. I'll keep that in mind.

SPEAKER_00 17:21

Well, Abby, this was awesome. Thank you so much, and best wishes as you move forward in this thrilling, thrilling time.

SPEAKER_01 17:29

Thank you so much. Pleasure to be here.