EP 5: Surrendering the Reins w/ Katie Cook

Through every high and every heartbreak, two things have remained constant in Katie Cook’s life: God and horses.

From a young age, Katie learned that even in the hardest seasons, God provides, and that horses are often one of the gifts He uses to carry us through life’s storms. After being forced to live in a van as a child, losing her mother tragically at just 12 years old, navigating a divorce, and later losing her partner to cancer, Katie has faced more hardship than most.

It would have been easy to question God’s goodness.

But instead, Katie chose faith.

In every painful chapter, she found glimpses of grace, focusing on how God was walking with her through the valleys and quietly aligning opportunities she never could have imagined.

In this episode, Katie shares some of the most difficult moments of her life and the unwavering faith that carried her through them. She also reflects on the powerful role horses have played in her journey, offering purpose, peace, joy, and a reminder that even in the darkest seasons, God is still present.

Check out her Instagram page @katie_cook https://www.instagram.com/katie_cook/

Thank you for tuning in. Visit http://www.paddocksandpraise.com and join this faith-based community established for the busy equestrian.

Follow along @paddocks.and.praise on Instagram http://www.instagram.com/paddocks.and.praise

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

It's impossible to not feel grief when you lose someone or when life isn't going your way. But I think surrender is such a huge part of faith. The hardest things I've ever been through have also been like the most beautiful and the best lessons. And like we were talking about yesterday, I just have had the horses with me through all of it. And it feels like a physical manifestation of God's love. As like, okay, you're gonna have this gift. And it's like so beautiful because the horse's strength and movement and courage and all of these things that maybe you don't have when you're afraid. And then here's this gift.

SPEAKER_02 0:52

Hey friends, welcome to Connecting Ringside, an interview series presented by Paddicks and Praise. I'm Natasha, your host and founder. Join me ringside as I get to know members of our horse community for captivating interviews. I believe that every person adds guides the people around them. On this journey, we look at the stories behind the faces we see every day, focusing on their impact in the horse industry, their face, the challenges they've overcome, and their community. Hi friends. I'm here in San Juan Capistrano, California, connecting ringside with somebody you all know, especially if you're on the West Coast. Some of you may know her for her beautiful setups with Equitech's custom design. Others may know her from her show career, which has been super successful in the amateur hunters. And some other may know her from being Charlotte and Cody's mom. Katie Cook, welcome to the podcast. Hi, thank you. I'm super excited to be here. Excited to have you. So I want to jump right in and just talk about your story because ultimately there has been tragedy and heartbreak, but you have this underlying joy and connection to the horses and this feeling of even though you went through hard things, you know that there's better, and you've been able to connect with God, you've been able to connect with other people, you have this presence about you that says there's something better. Take us back to your childhood and kind of where your faith started and how you were introduced to horses. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

I was born in LA in the valley, and my parents were both classical musicians. My dad is a renowned obo player, and my mom was a violinist, and her mom was a singer. But my mom had a real love of horses. So even when I was really little, I had a pony, nothing like showing, but anybody that she knew, that friends that rode or whatever, she was always trying to get me around the horses as much as possible. And my mom was actually a devout Christian scientist. In fact, everyone on her side of the family is.

SPEAKER_02 3:27

Can you explain that a little bit more just for those who don't know what Christian scientist is?

SPEAKER_00 3:32

It's Christian, but it's a very strong spiritual practice to the point where they don't go to doctors. They believe that we have the ability to heal through God anything physical, and also that there's an abundance around us that God provides, and that we will always have what we need, and that our physical reality here is superseded by a spiritual and infinite life through God. So I know that might be a little bit vague, and I'm not practicing Christian scientists anymore, but the um premise of it was very ingrained in me. And I guess I should go back to my parents got divorced when I was young. And my mom actually, to kind of get out of an unhealthy situation, we lived in a van. I'm the youngest of three. So my mom and my older brothers and I lived in a van for a little minute.

SPEAKER_02 4:36

And how old were you at that point?

SPEAKER_00 4:38

Um six. So it was like that whole year where she was kind of trying to figure out where to land.

SPEAKER_02 4:45

And could you really comprehend at that point what was going on? Like, do you remember your thoughts during that whole process? Were you upset leaving your dad, upset living in the van, or was it kind of a fun adventure at that point in that age?

SPEAKER_00 5:00

I think what's so miraculous looking back, I only have bond memories of that time. And I think that really speaks to how my mom embodied Jesus and her love of God, because now that I'm a mom, I think, gosh, that must have been terrifying for her. But it was fun. We were camping and we had, I remember we had like a car band, and she would give us like fake instruments to play. Like I had a hairbrush with my microphone, and like I have these memories that were like really fun, and she was fun.

SPEAKER_02 5:35

Yeah, so really tried to cultivate the experience. And even though she probably was feeling that sense of what are we gonna do, she didn't want that to affect your upbringing and your children.

SPEAKER_00 5:46

And I don't remember it. I don't, my brother has a different experience. He's older and he I think felt the fear, but I did not. I had fun. We had journals, we had cameras, we had scrapbooks, and she talked, we read the Bible every day in that van. Um, but we landed in a town called Tehachapi where she had some friends and a Christian community that she felt called to. And so she was able to buy a property and we built a house, and we actually had horses in the backyard. And they were mostly trail horses or whatever. I don't even know. Somehow we always had amazing horses, and she had a friend who rode on the A Circuit, and she loved to get updates, and she got the Chronicle magazine.

SPEAKER_02 6:38

Oh, so she just wanted to be part of it, even though she couldn't fully be in that world. Exactly. She still wanted that part.

SPEAKER_00 6:45

She loved it. She would get me every book. I had this book called A Very Young Rider. I don't know if you ever saw that book. I don't think so. Oh, it was followed the journey of a pony rider who uh went to Devon and all these things. So fun. She shared all of that with me, and then I did whatever I could do with it. But for me, I was a kid, it was like play. I would set up jumps that I could make myself and make these poor trail horses. Come on, let's go, pick your feet up. Yeah, exactly. And like, oh, I would always have like a I had like a red shirt and white pants, and I felt like I was like friend of Briar or whatever, you know, and Briar horses and stuff. So for me, the horses were always like my joy and play and fun and where I kind of put all my efforts. And then she did the best she could to support it. Um, somehow I ended up with a pretty nice pony that we did a lot of local shows and jumping. I learned jumping with like a local trainer, and from there I was just hooked. You were hooked. I was hooked. And every time we'd go to a horse show, we would say the Lord's Prayer in the car, but also always like a gratitude practice of like, we are so lucky to be here, to be sharing this with these animals, to be pursuing our passions, like always, even she would always check me when I would get competitive or anxious or nervous or whatever. It was always like check yourself. You're not here to win all the things, you know. I was typical preteen, like, but I want to win. I got yeah, and it was always this like do what you love first, go express your love of this with your partner, appreciate your partner, and the and then you've already won. Like she would say that to me all the time. Um I think we had this connection to God from the very beginning through the horses. When I was 12, she connected me to a trainer that was a little bit further away, but that was like a real hunter-jumper trainer, and right after that, she died in a car accident. It was completely unexpected. Yeah, so um, not having a dad that I knew at that time and losing my mom was really scary.

SPEAKER_02 9:10

Yeah. And how what happened? Where did you go at that point? Because it's still the three of you sitting here.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

Yeah. Okay, so my oldest brother was already actually at college. So the middle brother and me, we were home. My mom had a sister, my Aunt Debbie, who I actually at the time did not know very well. She had been living on the East Coast, and she actually moved to Tehachapi and lived with us. And she was also a Christian scientist, and she supported the horses too. So I was lucky that she got to sort of see me through the rest of my years, you know, until I went to college. But she continued me riding with Judy, who was the trainer in Bakersfield. That I feel so lucky. Judy was like, became like a second mom to me, and she gave me every opportunity. She was like clean tack, ride horses, clean stalls. I mean, through Judy, I I think I learned another thing that's another way to connect to God through like repetition and service and labor in a way, you know? Like the there's like a meditative and prayer aspect to cleaning bridles, which is kind of a silly thing.

SPEAKER_02 10:30

And which a lot of people are like, Oh, I have to clean this bridle. But if you have that mindset, yeah, it's like it does, it takes on a whole new meaning.

SPEAKER_00 10:37

Yeah, and just putting our efforts and love into something, knowing that the bigger picture is this beautiful, rewarding thing. So um, I got to really dive into the horses and through the whole grieving process of losing my mom and everything, I just the horses saved me. I mean, I just rode as much as I could, and I just felt like I was meant to be there. It all just felt like part of a bigger journey, and I felt my mom's love through the opportunities that I got, actually, because she wasn't there anymore, which is sad, and it's hard to say that, yeah, but it was like people helped me a lot. Like after that.

SPEAKER_02 11:25

They wanted to step in there, like you really have to take care of this girl and nurture her, and and some probably felt very sad and very sorry for you. So then that did create some. It opened doors, yeah, yeah, that didn't have.

SPEAKER_00 11:39

Yes, and yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:41

What was, I mean, as a 12-year-old girl, what did that grieving process look like for you at the time?

SPEAKER_00 11:49

So I think a lot of it is fuzzy, but I remember days where I didn't want to get out of bed, definitely. And I actually, okay, I'm gonna cry. I had a lot of guilt about it because she was on her way to pick me up. We had had a fight. I wanted to go to a friend's house that weekend, and she was so busy. She worked several jobs to make ends meet and was always so busy, and she's like, I do not want to drive you to LA, I can't do it. And I pushed and pushed, and I was Braddy, and she caved. And so I think she had a deal with my friend's mom. Okay, we'll meet halfway to do drop off and pickup.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 12:37

And so we were sitting at this Carl's Jr. in Lancaster. I mean, it was 1991, no cell phones, nothing. And I mean, we waited there until 11 o'clock at night. And then my friend's mom um was like, okay, well, I guess we'll just go back to my house. And later I found out she had called the police just to see, and she knew, and she kept it together. She was my mom's really good friend. So I don't know how she did that. She took me back to her house, and then um later the next day is when my family had all kind of connected, and I had a lot of guilt for feeling like if I hadn't pushed, you know, like she had to make this trip to come get me, which I think that is something I still probably battle. Not a guilty brooding seed that gets into your yeah, but for me, action movement is healing. And so even as a kid, I like just riding one foot in front of the other, ride another horse, you know, like clean the stalls, clean the bridles, like feed all the things that come with owning horses and then riding and learning to get competitive and everything, it just became like my outlet was the way I survived it.

SPEAKER_02 14:06

Yeah, yeah. And I think that's very much where coming and having that faith in God is what allows you to kind of keep pushing and knowing that there's hope on the other side. But for those who don't know God, or they look at that story and they see the kind of flip side of it where they're like, He allowed that to happen. How can you still believe? How can you still have joy in him if he allows bad things to happen?

SPEAKER_00 14:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:36

Did you go through any of those feelings where you questioned your faith and questioned why he allowed it to happen?

SPEAKER_00 14:44

To be honest, I never questioned it. I've never ever questioned, I've never not felt God with me through everything I've been through. I know people do, and I hear this a lot. Even later on in my life, going through divorce, I felt God guiding me every step of the way. It didn't even feel like my own conscious decisions to do what I was doing. It was like I could feel my hand being held. Always. I've always felt like that. And I really thank my mom because I think she really ingrained that in me at such a young age. And I think I witnessed subconsciously without even understanding what I was witnessing, I saw her embody the same thing. I don't think she ever had a doubt to put us in a van and be like, we're out of here, and not know anyone where we ended up. Takes a lot of faith.

SPEAKER_02 15:42

That's a huge step of faith. And with a smile. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 15:46

I mean, she had everybody loved her in the community. She, even through all of that, she was always in service of others. She started a school for women that hadn't graduated high school because it was a small town. And there were a lot of women that like didn't graduate, and she had an education and she started this little school. I mean, she just was always giving. So I feel like sounds incredible. As a kid to watch that, you just it's like we witness some somebody embodying that. They don't even have to necessarily give you the exact words, like you know, you know. So hopefully I'm doing that for my kids too.

SPEAKER_02 16:27

Yeah, oh, I'm sure you are. It's like I think it's hard in the moment, especially as a mom, because you do want to instill values, and you're always thinking, like, how can I provide or do better for the kids or show them? And how do I get them to have that same kind of faith?

SPEAKER_00 16:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:45

From I'm not a mom, but from what I've experienced in listening to other moms, yeah, it's always that little bit of second guessing or a little bit of doubt. Oh, always. It's like you are doing so much. Give yourself grace in those moments.

SPEAKER_00 16:59

For sure. But I think that the horses are again like another way that I'm showing Charlotte because on paper we don't have the resources to be doing what we're doing. But um, like the horses have always found me just what we've needed, always like, you know, we have to be open to it. Yeah, it doesn't always look exactly like the fanciest hunter or you know, like the perfect thing, but I do trust because it's been shown to me over and over that everything that I need will be provided. And even the the horses that are maybe unsound or difficult or whatever, like have proven to be gifts because we've been able to connect with them and see them through whatever their challenges are, and it's just been amazing, really. Um so to show that to Charlotte and to give that to Charlotte has been, and now she's learning to trust as we're on the search for something that's a good match for her. I've been able to talk to her a lot about being grateful for all of the people around us and grateful for just having access to horses. She has friends that are like just in awe of what she's able to do.

SPEAKER_02 18:25

Yeah, I haven't touched a horse. Yeah. You get to ride those every single day. Yeah, exactly. And you said you were able to get to pony finals this year.

SPEAKER_00 18:34

Yes, we went to pony finals. I mean, everything I felt my mom with me every second that we were in Kentucky. It was such a dream. Just everybody at Bridgeport. Yeah. At one point, she had a groom that was helping her at the in-gate, and it occurred to me, first of all, we had Leaf Lick helping her, who's like one of the most amazing trainers. And then she had this groom MA, who I know has taken horses to the World Cup. Okay. And I'm just standing there going, All these people who had these amazing careers in this sport are helping me get my kid in the ring to do a pony round. I mean, it was just, I made her write thank you notes to all of them. That's good. She's like, Mom, okay. I'm like, you don't understand. Yeah, really. These people, and like they just put so much love into it, right?

SPEAKER_02 19:26

You know, any of the support that you're feeling, I'm sure that was just overwhelming. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:30

So to see the grooming job at Pony Finals was mind-blowing for the model. I mean, this pony was glitter, like it was just like a whole other level over there. Yes, but you just can't believe like how much love everybody puts into like what we're doing. So I think if we just stay grateful, it's impossible to not be happy.

SPEAKER_02 19:54

Well, and that's such a core aspect of even like just basic psychology, yeah, is uh approaching your life in different situations with gratitude. Yeah. In a way that you can uh overcome fear. It's like if you're sitting in gratitude, you can't also be sitting in fear. So it's like you have that faith side of it, but then you also have the neuroscience side of it as well because it does change your brain composition.

SPEAKER_00 20:23

Yeah, and it takes your ego out too if we're focused on what's it's like expressing joy, expressing our love of God through the connection to this animal in that two minutes that we're in the ring, it it's not a it's not even a competition anymore. It's just it's like a performance for something so much bigger. And it becomes like really just living our like true expression, I guess. And the horses feel like um like a gift for us to be able to do that. Like uh, I think probably anybody who rides at this level would feel that even if they weren't conscious about it being from like a spiritual place. We all know, like we are lucky. I mean, just to look at that neck and the ears and the mane and to have that time in the saddle. I think anybody who rides the 6 a.m. like ride at a horse show has that's like my time where I'm like, this is everything.

SPEAKER_02 21:35

Yeah, sitting on the horse, appreciating it, the sun is rising. Yeah, the footing's perfect.

SPEAKER_00 21:40

I mean, it's everything. It's like who put these jumps out here and made this ring beautiful and putting and all of it. It just feels so it gets overwhelming, you know? Just like how grateful to be doing this.

SPEAKER_02 21:54

Yeah. And how I think also the bond as like fellow equestrians. That we all have because we have that shared love and that shared joy. And that's where, as a community, sometimes the comp the competitive nature of it and the trying to one up can, I think, skew the community part of it.

SPEAKER_00 22:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:18

So then going back to those moments and appreciating everybody who's putting the work into it, everybody who's waking up that early to make it happen. It's like go back to those moments and really pinpoint it and say we're all in this together, doing this together because of the love of the horses, first and foremost.

SPEAKER_00 22:37

Yeah. And I did a post about this on my Instagram recently, but I actually don't watch my competitors unless it's a friend that I just want to be supportive or something. But I mostly don't watch at all because I don't like to get hung up on the competition part. Okay, I love to win. I love that.

SPEAKER_02 22:55

And I it is a good feeling. And it's like you know that you're rewarded. Yeah. And you know that when you are riding to the best of your ability, you're gonna be in those top ribbons. Yeah. So then it's like, okay, I know that I can do it. And then when you lay down such a nice round, yeah, it's just that that feeling of accomplishment and like that's how I'm supposed to ride.

SPEAKER_00 23:18

But we've all laid down a trip that we loved, and you come back and check the clipboard and you're like, what? What the heck? What the heck? Okay, so I have this thing where if it's ever like a big like 3-3 performance where there's like 75 or something in it, I if I don't get a ribbon and I really liked my round, I always watch that night on the videos whoever the lowest ribbon was. Because I just want to know, okay, that one. I don't watch like all of them. Yeah. And almost every single time I watch that eighth place round and go, Well, that was pretty good.

SPEAKER_02 23:52

That was pretty good. Okay, well, maybe I see this.

SPEAKER_00 23:54

Okay, Nick Hannes.

SPEAKER_02 23:56

Yeah, right on your braided hunter. Exactly. You think, well, I get it, maybe.

SPEAKER_00 24:00

Yeah, but otherwise I try not to watch. I really try to just make it about me and my horse. And I know, like, we have our things to work on, and after four years, it's still the same things for some reason.

SPEAKER_02 24:15

But never-ending process.

SPEAKER_00 24:17

I know, but I just and I love this horse. I've had him for a while now, and I'm so grateful to have him too.

SPEAKER_02 24:25

So yeah, and how did you come across him? Because uh you've said that you're able to do this when on paper you really shouldn't. Oh. Yeah. So uh where has that faith come in and that just reliance, independence that God is going to provide what you need?

SPEAKER_00 24:44

It's I have to remind myself all the time, even though it's happened throughout my whole life, I have to go, okay, remember these hundred times that it's been proven to you, but it's almost like a muscle that you have to like keep working, that trust muscle, you know. So this horse was for sale. He had been a jumper and he was not maybe not like quite right, but inconclusive. And they were gonna sell him and maybe like revamp, reinvent him as a hunter. So I got to show him in some adult hunter classes and some adult equitation, and I knew the second I sat on him, like this is my partner. He gave me the best feeling. I don't know that anybody else would say that about him. He's quirky and stuff, but I just it was like you felt that connection immediately. And I think anybody who rides knows what I'm talking about because we've all felt it here and there. But this one was like, remember when I was saying always be open to opportunities. So I've always tried to remind myself when one is not my favorite, appreciate and be grateful and whatever. But this one, I was like, wow. So I never thought he could be mine, but yeah, there was sort of a chain of events that occurred, and one of them was the horse virus at Thermal that year. Oh, right. And so he was there for sale, but things were getting really scary as the virus was making its way, like they had stopped the horse show. Yeah, and he was stuck with my barn, and the virus was making its way down the barn aisles, and we were kind of sitting ducks, and I took care of him every day in the stall. I didn't take, I didn't use cross ties, I like had my own grooming supplies, and I really fell in love with them through this process.

SPEAKER_02 26:37

Well, yeah, because that is that's the emotional side to it too, as you feel this thing looming that you can't totally control.

SPEAKER_00 26:46

Yeah, and they the owners didn't want him coming home because they didn't want to put their horses at home at risk. So, anyway, I knew they were really motivated, and the horse that I had had had been sold like just right before that. So I had a little money, not a lot, and I made an offer and they took it. How awesome. It was just, and it was scary. I couldn't insure him because of the virus. Oh, they so there were so many things I was like, God, and I was also in the middle of a divorce, and like that is a lot going on.

SPEAKER_02 27:20

It was so much, and I you just could feel like thing after thing was lining up to make it happen, and that's where it's like, okay, surrender, trust. This is what's meant to be, and I trust it.

SPEAKER_00 27:32

It is kind of funny too, like the biggest things in my life and the scariest times in my life, the answers have come so clearly. I can overanalyze all kinds of things all day long and feel really stuck and cloudy a lot of times. But anything that's big, the answer is clear. Yeah, it's like I can hear God's voice telling me. And class, my horse, was definitely a very loud, resounding yes. Oh, that's so cool. Even despite things on the vetting and all this stuff, which actually in the four years I've had him never had any issues with soundness. He's been the best partner for me. He keeps me safe. I just have loved him so much, and I think he likes the job, you know? I don't ask too much of him.

SPEAKER_02 28:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:20

And um you just you enjoy him and you go out there and you kick butt. Yeah. And he actually, I have to pinch myself when I get the pictures from the horse show because he's got a million-dollar jump for sure.

SPEAKER_02 28:35

Yeah, I've seen some of your pictures on him, like, oh my gosh, he is so fancy.

SPEAKER_00 28:38

He's never gonna win an undersaddle, but he jumps a 10 every time, and I just love I'm sure it's such a fun feeling. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's amazing. I feel very lucky to have him.

SPEAKER_02 28:49

And he seems so sweet, like when you brought him over. When I he's got he's getting there. Yeah, he was inquisitive and people over. He's like, hey.

SPEAKER_00 28:57

That's because I have a daughter who spoils him with cookies, but he was pretty aloof when I first got him. Initially, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:03

That's such a the hard thing, and you see that with so many horses because they are passed around so much and they go through so many different people in different barns. It almost is like they uh have that unattachment. Yeah, so they're guarded, exactly. But when you see them come through, and all of a sudden you have the brightness in the eye and yeah, excitement to see you, it's like, yes, I want them over.

SPEAKER_00 29:27

And you can tell, I mean, I think they keep their walls up because they don't know what's next.

SPEAKER_02 29:33

Exactly. So uh going back to when you were going through your divorce. So with your parents when they went through it, you were so young, you didn't necessarily see, but you do remember and recognize your mom's demeanor in it.

SPEAKER_00 29:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:52

Did that carry over as you were going through your own divorce? I mean, was that something that you were expecting? Was it kind of building up? And were you able to like with Charlotte and Cody, protect them in some way? How has that process been for your family?

SPEAKER_00 30:12

So I definitely had thoughts of am I gonna live in my car? Um, and I think that was like, I mean, looking now at my life, it's so far from that, and I'm so grateful. But I had to be in that mindset of like, I will live in my car if it means I can have my horse and my sanity. I can see that now, why she was willing to do that. It was hard. There were definitely feelings of, am I doing right by my kids? But I do know that my mom did right by us by doing what she had to do. So I didn't doubt the path I was on, and I felt God holding me through the whole process. But there was definitely fear of I I guess there was like a a point of like surrender to where I had to just like not be attached to the outcome and not be attached to what my life might look like. So once I kind of let that go, I I realized that my ability to be happy and to be a good mom is inside me. I went from living in like a very nice house to something that's pretty small and humble. And I had a hard time sharing custody, feeling confident, bringing my kids to my house, knowing what they were coming from, where they have their own walk-in closets and bathrooms and all this stuff. And now they're like coming to my house, sharing a bathroom. And you know it's so funny. I mean, I had friends say, like, just give them love, you know, that's all they need. And to be honest, they never complain about their circumstances when they're with me.

SPEAKER_01 32:11

Right.

SPEAKER_00 32:12

So I think that being a sink being single, I'm able to like express, and it doesn't, it's not necessarily because I'm single, but being out of the relationship that I was in, I'm now able to like express myself fully as their mom and like give them my gifts. I think that they really love it, they appreciate it, and they get their dad's gifts wholeheartedly without my interference now, too. Yeah, which is a good thing for him too. And we have a really good relationship now. I threw love at it as much as I could every day because I knew in the end it would come back around, even if there were moments of like, you know, you just the idea of like being the bigger person. It's hard to balance that when you feel like you've also never had boundaries. So, like, where's the line there? Do you know what I mean? Like, am I being a doormat or am I being the bigger person? Like, and knowing the difference, right? But I think prayer comes into that as well because you kind of learn, like, okay, is this like making me feel empowered and like God is with me through this choice? Or do I feel like I'm I'm not connected to source?

SPEAKER_02 33:33

Do you know what I mean? No, definitely, because it is it is a fine line, and when you are just trying to placate somebody, yeah, or you know, you're going along with something, not because you truly believe that, but because you're people pleasing, and exactly that's very different from what Jesus calls us to do, which is like you speak kindly to people and you are there supporting and like part of their journey. Yeah. But He doesn't want us to give up like ourselves in that process.

SPEAKER_00 34:11

Right. Yeah. It was a hard that was a hard lesson to learn. And I still have to almost pause and ask myself this question all the time am I people pleasing or am I being agreeable because I can see this is gonna lead me somewhere else that's important to me. Like I I do struggle with that a lot.

SPEAKER_02 34:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:34

I don't know if that ever goes away when you're the youngest of three living in a van, like I was telling you. Like you learn that being easygoing the way that everybody will appreciate and love you because there was no room to have a tantrum or to be upset about anything. I mean, no one had time for that.

SPEAKER_02 34:53

Right. Yeah, my poor mom would be like, okay, you're like, we cannot do this as we're all stuck in this band. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:01

And now as a mom too, I have to remember because you know, I'm working, I actually have two jobs and the horses and everything. So I have to allow my kids the space to have their own grief and emotions. And I can get a little bit like, okay, here's what we're doing this whole weekend, but they need to go at their own pace too. And that was actually a really hard part about getting divorced was letting them be sad and not feeling like I needed to fix that or feel guilty and to know that I was still doing the right thing, even though it looked as if they were suffering in the moment. But it's almost like, you know, why we don't have ice cream all the time or whatever. Like, okay, there's a bigger picture here.

SPEAKER_01 35:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:47

But I'm gonna let you be sad because this is your journey too.

SPEAKER_02 35:51

Yeah. And it is sad, and no matter how you look at it, there's grief there and there's loss there. And if each of us aren't allowed to sit in grief, and it's just like, oh, well, come do this. This is fun, this is fun, and it just kind of gets buried or covered, then you're not fully able to accept it and acknowledge it. Right. And move on. Like that acceptance and acknowledgement that has to be a key factor if you're truly gonna start moving forward. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 36:21

But as a parent, it requires an extra layer of strength because it would be so much easier to be like, this is not sad, okay, this is necessary, and we're gonna be fine. But to tell them this is gonna be hard for you, and I'm doing it anyway, is really it's tough. Yeah, it's tough. You have to really be sure of yourself. And I was, and I I think now several years post, they are able to see like that we're all right where we're supposed to be. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:02

And do you think at this point, do you think there is still a struggle for them? Did you get any like outside help for them?

SPEAKER_00 37:11

Yeah, so um therapy for both of them, yes. And I have not been able to give them a consistent, like religious practice. We have a church locally, but like just time is so hard. And all the sports and the riding and everything. And this is where actually inspired by this podcast, I I've been feeling like I want to find a way to practice because like I used to, I mean, my mom, we didn't go to a church every Sunday, but we always read a prayer or something in the car. I mean, it didn't take time. Yeah, it didn't take, it wasn't impossible she found a way. And I I'm feeling like I want to revisit that with my kids, even if it's just like something in the morning before they go to school or yeah, before bed or whatever, just getting back to like a regular practice. It's it's something that I can give to them that, you know, once they're at a certain age, they're gonna do what they want. But in my case, I decided when I was about 20 that I didn't want to be a Christian scientist anymore. I had battled asthma my whole life.

SPEAKER_01 38:24

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_00 38:25

Severe. And um, yeah, I think actually I have like moments from when I was young, like eight or nine, where my asthma was so bad. Like I think I was close to maybe like, I mean, I I want to be careful to say what I'm saying because I know it's not a good look, but I do think that I had some like very near-death experiences.

SPEAKER_02 38:47

Yeah. And from what I heard, as you're having an asthma attack, somebody told me it's equivalent to like trying to breathe in and out of a straw.

SPEAKER_03 38:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 38:56

Because you're not getting a lot of enough air coming in, and then you start to almost have these panic moments because you're not getting away.

SPEAKER_00 39:04

Yeah, you're suffocating, yeah. I had like out-of-body, like looking down on myself kind of thing. Um, but I had so many allergies and stuff, and we I fed the horses myself and cleaned the stalls, and we had dogs and cats.

SPEAKER_02 39:17

You were right out there in all.

SPEAKER_00 39:19

Yeah. And I remember actually I was riding at a barn in Malibu, and I was like, I was probably 19 or 20, and um was really having a hard time. And there was a woman that had an asthma inhaler. Oh, and she let me use it. Did she?

SPEAKER_02 39:39

And you had never, because Christian scientists, you don't go to doctors.

SPEAKER_00 39:42

I had never had a Tylenol or anything ever.

SPEAKER_02 39:47

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 39:48

It like, I remember driving my car home and just being like, oh my gosh, this is amazing.

SPEAKER_02 39:54

Really? And was there any hesitancy on your side to accept the inhaler? Or you were at the point where you're like, I'm willing to try anything.

SPEAKER_00 40:02

I mean, when you don't want to die and somebody's like, here's the lifeboat. And then, yeah, so I actually got on board with that pretty quick. I my dad and I actually now have a great relationship. I guess I should have said he's 34 years sober.

SPEAKER_03 40:17

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_00 40:17

And um, he got sober actually the year my mom died, and we rebuilt our relationship from then, like after he heard that your mother had died, actually triggered it. The funny thing is, he had started his sobriety journey, like I mean, maybe a couple months before, and hadn't told anyone, and he certainly wasn't ready to take on kids, but he stayed sober since then. Wow, yeah, he's very involved in like AA and helps a lot of people.

SPEAKER_02 40:46

How amazing.

SPEAKER_00 40:47

But he got me to a doctor with he was always respectful of Christian science. So he allowed me to explore that, but he introduced me to like a general practitioner, and I kind of that's kind of when I like decided to go ahead and get medical treatment for some things. But I still find that's in me, like I um really wanted to have my son with no medication, and like I I do turn inward in that same way, just like pretty automatically when I ever have like physical pain or trouble. So it's really become like something I'm grateful for looking back that I'm able to like use it as I need and then also do what feels right for me.

SPEAKER_02 41:35

So well, and that's can be a bit overlooked is the healing nature of our own bodies and our own mindset on it, and going to the Bible for prayer and seeing what they did for healing, you know.

SPEAKER_00 41:49

Well, yeah, I mean, isn't Jesus the best example? Miracle workers, yeah. And I I actually really like to believe that about the horses too. I don't know, I don't hear people talk about this too often, but I don't see what the difference would be if we can have those healings for ourselves. Why not for the horses? And my horse is a perfect example of one that wasn't, you know, maybe what wasn't believed to be able to have like a lifelong career, and he's gonna be 15. And you know, I I think through love and and the efforts that we have, like sometimes it can happen for them too, which is pretty amazing.

SPEAKER_02 42:27

Yeah, very much so. So is your dad still a musician?

SPEAKER_00 42:34

Okay, well, he's older now, so he's retired.

SPEAKER_02 42:36

He's retired, okay.

SPEAKER_00 42:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:38

And does he have a relationship with your kids?

SPEAKER_00 42:41

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, he's great. And my ex-husband, actually. Okay. Yeah. He's it's been great. And he's really an amazing person, actually.

SPEAKER_02 42:50

So and that's another thing though, just looking back, you know, when you're in the moment, it's hard to see everything that God is aligning up. But then when you look back now, and it's like all of these different pieces that were coming together to help you in one of the hardest moments of your life, it's like he was orchestrating it all so that he could bring you through and help you be successful and help you maintain that joy and that hope.

SPEAKER_00 43:19

Yeah. I mean, it's impossible to not feel grief when you lose someone or when life isn't going your way, or you had an idea of how things should go or should look. But I think surrender is such a huge part of faith and just knowing that there is a bigger picture, and it doesn't always make sense. In fact, it rarely makes sense until later, and then you see I think we have to just appreciate that we're on this journey and have that trust, and even the hardest thing. I've ever been through have also been like the most beautiful and the best lessons, and but like we were talking about yesterday, I just I have this, I just have had the horses with me through all of it, right? Like that's the part that is so yes, yeah, and it feels like a physical manifestation of God's love, as like, okay, you're gonna have this gift, and it's like so beautiful because the horse's strength and movement and courage and all of these things that maybe you don't have when you're afraid, and then here's this gift of that. I mean, we're so lucky.

SPEAKER_02 44:46

Oh, yeah, for sure. Being able to just walk in the barn, and as soon as you like smell them, touch them, you feel all of that. Yeah, and I just can take over.

SPEAKER_00 44:56

Everything that I'm lacking in this dark moment right now is right here in a best friend. I mean, what's more beautiful than that? Yeah, you know, in whatever way you get to do it. But I think uh show jumping in particular is like just so cool because it's one of the sports where the horse fully expresses themselves. You know, they get to be themselves and a participant, it's not like a rider dominating. Like sometimes I watch some of the other sports and I'm like, I don't think I would want to do that.

SPEAKER_02 45:32

Yeah, and that's a little bit like the surrendering aspect of it. Like if you're on a spicy jumper in the ring, yeah, the more you try to control and put it in a box, the more that horse is gonna fight you. It's like, no, you have to soften your elbows, you have to go with that rhythm, you have to allow that energy, and then the horse will work with you instead of working against you.

SPEAKER_00 45:56

Isn't that like a perfect metaphor for life? Like, especially when we're going through hard things. Yeah, you know, you have to know like what I mean, as a rider, you know, always add your leg and just trust that it's gonna come, especially like going to a jump, and you're like, I see nothing.

SPEAKER_02 46:14

And the more you pull, it's like the trapper's like, oh no, that didn't work. Exactly. It's better to keep going.

SPEAKER_00 46:20

Keep going, I know. Yeah, so the horses teach us that, and I yeah, I really feel like that has just been such a constant in my life from the very beginning.

SPEAKER_02 46:38

Yeah, and it sounds like God has just used that in every single aspect every time after your divorce, then you connected with Greg. The two of you were able to connect so much over the horses and together. Yeah. Um, and that sounded like such a beautiful experience for the time that you had.

SPEAKER_00 46:59

Yeah, so after my divorce, I sort of jumped quickly into a relationship with Greg, who was a friend and a horse lover as well. And he was also going through some hard stuff, but he had a property with horses, and he had come from the mortgage industry, and horses were his love too, and he had an opportunity to just like really focus all of his um time on the riding, which I know he loved his horses so much. But we weren't together for too long when he had a seizure and we went to the hospital, and with testing, they found a brain tumor that was terminal, glioblastoma, which being from a Christian science background, I had never even really spent much time around doctors, and like I just were thrown out. Oh, yeah. And I went like headfirst into trying to be the best caregiver and support for him as I could. I mean, it was just like 30 days in a row of radiation. I went to every doctor appointment. I did everything I could to help him, but it was pretty crazy to be partnered with somebody who was given basically a year to live.

SPEAKER_02 48:26

Yeah, that changes the whole dynamic and perspective on the relationship.

SPEAKER_00 48:30

Yeah, and he was not a religious person at all, but I would watch him and I would talk to him about God a lot, and I would try to say, like, I'm watching you embody and and live uh in a way that is everything that I'm talking about that you're resisting because you don't want to believe in God, but like I watch you. You are definitely living in a way that shows me that there is something bigger working through you.

SPEAKER_02 48:59

And was he ever open to hearing that?

SPEAKER_00 49:02

You know, a little bit when he was facing death, he there were times where he was like having dreams. He was having a lot of dreams about his mom and his dad were coming and like just I don't they were giving him love and welcoming him, and he was feeling loved in a way that felt there were like signs. We were, you know, like just yes.

SPEAKER_02 49:28

I don't like how can you yes, if if you are so hardened and your heart is so hardened that you won't admit that there's signs, that's one thing, but it's like with all of that happening, how can you not start wondering like maybe there is more?

SPEAKER_00 49:44

He knew there was more. There was too much evidence that against like his stubborn, yeah, you know, and that that just comes from programming. Like you just have seen or heard people talk a certain way, and for whatever reason, you know, people would try to talk to him about God, especially after he was sick, and he would be really like grouchy about it. Yeah. And I'm just stickering because I'm like, you're it's just being delivered in the wrong package. Like he's ready to feel that there is something more.

SPEAKER_01 50:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:14

So I do believe that he um I think he had he actually lived a little longer than expected. Um, and the journey was a roller coaster with some really beautiful moments. There was one day that we just laid in the grass. He got these baby chickens, and we raised the chickens, and that was like so much fun to collect the eggs, and we built this spectacular garden all during the time that he was sick. And it was just incredible. Like there were so many things about this time that were just really beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 50:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:50

We would just like lay in the grass, and it was slow. You know, it was funny. The doctor had said, go check off your bucket list, and he said, I'm living my bucket list right now.

SPEAKER_02 51:04

Amazing. And just being present and in the moment. Yeah. And it's like a lesson for all of us. I mean, you shouldn't have to wait until you think that you're no longer gonna be here to slow down and take the time to do that for yourself.

SPEAKER_00 51:19

His bucket list was to grow tomatoes over our heads and to have chickens that laid eggs and to groom his horse. And actually, he had imported a horse that was a little unconventional as a five-year-old. No one really believed in it, and he got to watch it do a Grand Prix.

SPEAKER_02 51:37

Did he really?

SPEAKER_00 51:38

That was amazing. We were crying. Okay, it jumped clean, and we were and then another young horse that he had bred um went on to like have like a perfect home. It's with Mandy Porter, and it actually won a meter 30 class at Thermal last week. Really? So I went and saw him and he whinnied to me.

SPEAKER_02 52:00

I was just those horses that you still have that connection.

SPEAKER_00 52:04

Yeah. Every single one of the horses that were with us during that year all ended up in the most perfect homes. I was really having a hard time like watching. Yeah, yeah. So I have a bracelet with all their tails, and they all ended up in just such perfect homes. That yeah. I mean, he really loved them in a way that was unique, I think. Like um, he had the ability to love his horses, like knowing he didn't have to sell them, or you know, which was pretty cool, but he was very concerned about where they would all go and they went to perfect places for them. Yep. I see Cody all the time. He has the same name as my son, and he whinnies to me every time I see him at the horse shows, so that's how do you talk about that spiritual connection?

SPEAKER_02 52:57

Yeah, just uh it's like there's so much more, and they think horses are so much deeper and connect with us.

SPEAKER_00 53:04

So I know. I actually so getting through that time was really hard with Greg. Um, it felt a little bit like you know, I'm trying to put on a brave base and trying to just see the beauty in the moment and living present and all of that. And it it it was amazing in a lot of ways, but I'm not gonna lie, it was very hard and very sad. And he has passed away, but I feel him all the time. I get little visits, and um, and then when I get to see the horses at the horse shows doing so well, like that's the best. But I just feel like that journey was once again the horses by our side through that process was just you know, a gift from God. It really was. Now I get to just I feel like life has really gotten lighter in an amazing way, and um, my kids are awesome and things are going really good, and like having a career in the horse world too is just yeah, I'm so grateful for that.

SPEAKER_02 54:16

Yeah, and like we were kind of talking about your career took a little bit of a different path than what the like conventional stereotypical like coming into the industry. I want to be a trainer. Yeah. Speak to that a little bit of how those jobs kind of came to you and the impact you can have like in that capacity in the industry versus Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:40

So, okay, when I was, I guess I was like 19, I went to UCR Vine, and I was like, what am I gonna do? What do I wanna do? You know, you grow up thinking you're gonna be a horse trainer, and it kind of hit me over the head when I was about that age, waiting tables and trying to ride in LA again, and just realizing like this is not gonna work doing it this way. And there was a lot of messaging of like this sport is for wealthy people, like and coming from a small town, and that I was kind of naive because I'm like, well, my mom taught me that like we can have anything that we want through God.

SPEAKER_02 55:19

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 55:19

And they're like, Okay, well, you're gonna need a lot more money.

SPEAKER_02 55:22

They're like, but we need it up front.

SPEAKER_00 55:24

Yeah. But here's your invoice. Okay, so I really had like a oh no moment um and was considering being like an assistant kind of thing at a barn, but I decided to pursue my education. And riding did take a little bit of a back burner, but again, like I found barns that where there were extra horses to hack and you know, just to be around it. I had to. Yeah, I couldn't be without it. So got a degree, thought I'd go to law school, I married someone in financial services, and I ended up taking a job there, which was actually a great experience.

SPEAKER_02 56:06

Was it?

SPEAKER_00 56:07

I mean, I I learned, I didn't know just the way I grew up in a family of artists and musicians and being around horses in small town and everything. Like I had never really seen people just making money. And it was good, it was eye-opening. And to believe that I could make a six-figure salary, right? Whoa, okay. So it was good for me, but it wasn't long, it was only several years into it that I felt out of alignment sitting at a desk. And I think this is a common thing for people, but I tried, I was really unhappy, not doing well at all. So I was dreaming about horses all day and not making enough to feel like I was ever gonna get anywhere. So I actually took a leave of absence and I went to a horse show during this time in Vegas. It must have been like the World Cup or something. Um, I went to the Equifit booth, if you know what that is, like the booth and everything. And I started talking to the guy there and saying, like, you have the coolest job.

SPEAKER_02 57:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 57:18

And then he said, Do you want to be a rep on the West Coast? We don't have one.

SPEAKER_02 57:22

Oh. You're like, sure.

SPEAKER_00 57:25

Yeah. Okay, so I just started doing that and um it was an amazing job. The woman who owned that company was so inspiring. I loved it, but it wasn't too long after that that I ended up getting pregnant and deciding to just kind of take a break. And I was fortunate that I didn't have to work during my pregnancies with Cody and Charlotte. So I took a few years where I was just kind of a stay-at-home mom.

SPEAKER_02 57:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 57:52

But Charlotte was a baby, and I had a friend who worked for Equitex.

SPEAKER_01 57:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 57:58

And she said, you know, we kind of need someone in Southern California, and you know so many people. Do you want to help us with stall drapes and tack trunks and blankets? And it's been so much fun. It started very slow. I only talked to the people that I knew well. Right. I went really slow, just some extra money here and there. And just, I think when you really love something, there's if you take that aligned action, it's going to lead you to the right place because ultimately over the years, I mean, I've been there for like 14 years now, but it turned into something real. It took time. I put no pressure on myself, and it turned into like a real, a real job where I could support myself and support the riding and everything. And I just love it so much. So fun. I mean, I just love my clients and like their stories and helping them with their branding and as they build their businesses. I feel like I get to be alongside of them.

SPEAKER_02 58:58

Be a part of it and a part of their journey.

SPEAKER_00 59:00

So cool. It is very cool. So cool. And then even just like the small things, like a dad that wants to buy a tack trunk for his daughter for Christmas and like doesn't really know what this is. And I get to tell him, like, I think maybe because when I was a kid, I would dream of something like that. You know? Um, I have to do that.

SPEAKER_02 59:17

And so you understand the excitement and the joy in it.

SPEAKER_00 59:20

And yeah, and people are like, What am I buying right now? Trust me, this is the best Christmas present.

SPEAKER_02 59:27

So then you get them excited in the process. And it's like, wow, like this is a great thing.

SPEAKER_00 59:32

Yeah. And it is kind of, I mean, this is what I did for play as a kid. I made little blankets for my briar horses, and I made the barn and everything matched. And you know, like it was my kid dream that I get to do now. It's so cool. That is amazing. Yeah. And then Beauté is new for me, but it's perfectly in line with what I'm already doing, a lot of the same clients.

SPEAKER_02 59:57

And yeah, I was wondering that because I saw you pop up in your sweater. Uh-huh. Yeah. Oh, she's working for my favorite color anyway. But it's not, you're working for them, but you haven't stepped away from Equitex. You're able to bring both of them together. Yeah. Which is doing both. Great.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:13

Yeah. And the saddles are, it's a different thing, but I'm finding the same scenario where I'm helping people and I'm just falling in love with their stories. You know, they got a new horse and they're excited and they want to make sure he has what he needs, and getting to know people like as they're kind of embarking on something with a horse, or it's just really fun to get to know everyone and why they're here. And I don't know. I fall in love with everybody and their horse. Yeah, oh, I'm like, this is the prettiest horse I've ever seen. Every single one that walks by. Oh my gosh. And then I I believe that our saddles are the best and the most beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:56

So it's really fun to like well, and that's the other thing is that in uh what you're doing, you're able to have an impact on so many horses too, yeah. By helping them with their comfort level, making sure that the saddles fit properly, that they're moving correctly because they are comfortable. Yeah. There's so much more to it, and the the welfare of the horse and how they're feeling. For sure. And they are so intuitive and they pick up on on our signs more so than we can imagine. Yeah, for sure. I'm sure they feel your energy when you're walking up to them to do a fitting or whatever you're doing with them. Yeah. Like they feel that you're there with love and that you're going to try to do whatever is best for them. For sure. And that just is one little piece that helps them on their journey.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:45

Yeah. And it's it's really cool to see the riders too, like learn about. I think a lot of riders take this part for granted. And so when they get to learn about like what they're, you know, it's a big purchase. It's a big investment. And so like I can help them understand what we're doing as a brand and why this is suited to them and their horse. And you know, then they can take pride in what they're purchasing and feel really confident in it. It's pretty cool. Yeah. I mean, what's better than that? You know, really. Plus, it's they're beautiful. And everything everything that Equitex does is beautiful too. I mean, it's I think sometimes I'll come up against a mindset of like, oh, this is frivolous type of thing. But I really think that taking pride in your stuff, in your barn, in your organization, and how we create products that help bring like beauty, but function to the industry with the saddles and equitex, it's both. Um, I I feel like there's a spiritual through line there too, you know, taking pride in your barn and your business, yeah, and sharing that with your customers is like the coolest thing.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:06

And the horses feel that too.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:07

Yeah, for sure. It does tie in if we're followers and we believe what God says, believe what Jesus says, He created us as a masterpiece, each and every one of us. And we're supposed to look at ourselves as a temple and a representative of Him, which means we should be well kept. So then it ties into what you're saying. Yeah, that just it is something that is important and it gives you a different feel walking into a barn that has everything in order and it looks beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:43

And it's not always about the money or the amount of stuff. Sometimes the smallest, tidiest spaces are the most impressive to me and photograph the best when I'm sharing them on Instagram or whatever, and they don't even have to be all of the things or you know, 50 horses of tack trunks and drapes, although that's pretty fun too. Yeah, but um I think you can tell who's taking pride in what they're doing. And what is this phrase? Like how you do the small things is how you do everything, you know? So it just speaks to like the culture of a barn too. I love being a part of that, actually. It's really cool. And sometimes people come to me and they're like, I don't know how to do it.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:28

And so then I feel like I have no clue what is gonna look good here.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:32

Yeah, like they know they see it, they like it, but like it feels overwhelming or too big, you know, and then I guess that's where I feel like I can make this easy. Yeah, I can really there's a formula, it's not complicated, and I can work with any budget too, and like make something really that most of my clients will come and tell me, like, this was perfect for what I wanted. And they'll tell me all the time, too. Like, I just ride horses, like I don't know about the artistic side or the creative side or colors or whatever. I'm like, okay, but you do.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:06

Yeah, you know what you like, you can look at like five different setups and be like, I like that one, I don't like that one.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:11

And I'll have them sometimes just be like, tell me who's you what's appealing to you, just point out a couple. But I always can get people to come around and really see that like they do have that artistic, maybe they just they just needed help putting it together.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:31

So that's pretty fun too. Cause then they're able to like really feel like it's their own, you know. I've had to learn to like, I've actually had a few people tell me things where I've been like, ooh, are you sure about this?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:44

Like, can we help guide you? I'm gonna try to, yeah, but you know what?

SPEAKER_00 1:05:47

I've actually been surprised when I rolled with it.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:49

Uh huh.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:50

I've done a few that have really surprised me, and I've gone back and been like, I'm so glad that I like let you take the wheel here and trust. Yeah. Yeah, so it's really fun.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:02

It sounds like a great process. And just I love like how much impact you're having. You're creating genuine relationships with all of these different people.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:12

And uh spreading your light and your love through those connections.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:18

I appreciate you saying something like that so much because I had a lot of shadow about this being married to someone in financial services who was he's a really smart guy and he really works hard. But for him, it's like work had to be hard and a grind. And I always kind of felt like he poo-pooed my, you know, your little horse job kind of thing. Right. And it's nice to have people say that it's important. I mean, I I don't know, I'm not changing the world, maybe, but I'm doing what I love and I get to be so happy, like connecting with people that are doing what they love. What's better than that?

SPEAKER_02 1:07:04

Yeah. Well, and it's not it's not so much, I don't think, about changing the world, but you might change one person's world. And even just like a smile at somebody can change their whole demeanor for that day.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:20

And uh so it's like on a smaller scale, that's just as important as those bigger, bigger things. I think so too.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:29

I like to think so.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:31

So if you had one thing you wanted to really hit home to anybody who's listening, what would that be at this point?

SPEAKER_00 1:07:43

I'll probably think of a million things later that I should have said. But I think okay. Let me think of how to say this. You don't have to consider yourself a Christian or go to church or use the right language, or to even accept like everything that you think Christianity is, to feel God every day and to feel the spiritual connection through our horses. And so I think I'd like to share that message because I do believe that most of us that are here doing this are deeply spiritual, whether we want to put the label of Christian on it or not. And so I I just I see people in my life that are spiritual without saying it. I think it's important that we open our minds a little bit and take a minute and feel when you have that voice, when you feel that love, when you feel that holding your hand through hard stuff, that is God. And you can just accept that and be open to it because it's just a it's gonna change your life for the better. And vice versa, if somebody doesn't seem like like they're believing in God because they don't go to church, like I think we're all actually walking the same path, we're all doing the same thing. I don't know. I I just feel grateful that you asked me to be on this podcast because I wouldn't have necessarily thought that I was the right fit. But when we get to talking, I mean it is all such a spiritual journey.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:40

Yeah, for sure. And that's what you know, God says I'm all things to all men. So that's where I want this podcast. It's not vision hold, and it's not about just you're at church every Sunday and you're following all of these practices. Yeah, it's about the relationship that you have with God and that you're that you feel that and you know that that's there.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:03

Because the relationship is more important than the ritual.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:07

Yeah, and it's and we're so lucky. We are so lucky to be doing what we're doing.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:16

Yeah, yeah, it's incredible.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:18

I know, I know, and I think when when we accept and feel that, it's just like it anything becomes possible. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:28

Awesome. Well, thank you so much for sharing all of that. Thank you so much. I think it's so gonna be empowering for so many people that are listening, and you truly bring hope, love, joy, all of that feeling.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:41

So I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:42

Thank you. Thanks for coming along for the ride, friends. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave us a review so that others can find this channel. Also, check out our Instagram at paddocks.an.free. Now go and find your life.