Episode 5: Don't let marriage get in the way of ambitions

In this episode the Gossip bures Mommies discuss with the younger Bures, the importance of not losing your dreams and ambitions when you get married. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Gossip Yours! Gossip Welcome back to this episode of Gossip Yours.

SPEAKER_02 0:09

And in this episode, we're actually going to talk about something that I think is a very good optic well we all do with the topic. Why we shouldn't give up on our hopes and our dreams when we get married. Especially because I see it happening a lot within the travelling community. Young girls get married and they give up anything in the little dreams they had to send over a pot and cook.

SPEAKER_04 0:28

Okay?

SPEAKER_02 0:30

Well what do you what's your opinion of that?

SPEAKER_04 0:33

My opinion is that personally for me, me, I know personally me, I would never lose myself for anyone, no matter who they are. Like, I'm the most stubbornest person I ever made. When I say no, I mean no. When I say yeah, it's a yeah, you're not gonna change my mind. So for someone to try to change me, you'll be a lot persuaded.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

So I hope when a man come up and say, Please will you marry me? You said no.

SPEAKER_02 0:57

And take half the persuasion. No. Yeah, no, I think that's great. And um I honestly do because I think some poor girls they kind of now let me just tell you, girls can be bitches too. Yeah, okay. But I do think it's like it's 80% of the man and 20% of the woman, and they lose a sight of who they are. And what I mean about it, it's like you you forget your opinion matters, what's your input, how you think and taught. It's like the man thinks and taught for you. And I I think it's great to see the younger travelling girls are actually starting to see their future, they're starting to know their worth, they're starting to realise who they are and what they can achieve, and they're not wanting to kind of get whereas before girls are married at 15, 16. Now we're girls it was 18, and now I think it's kind of to come in 2021, so it's getting a bit later because no, I want to do this first, I want to go travel around the world, I want to do college, or I'm just not in a hurry to get married. And like, how do you feel about that? Like she wanted to be married at 18, and I was. Well, you're going to be getting a microwaveable dinner.

SPEAKER_03 1:53

Let me set that straight. Because I won't be slaving over no pot cooking a spot dinner for two people.

SPEAKER_02 1:57

I was going to get you the big chrome pan over there.

SPEAKER_03 2:00

I won't be slaving cooking a spot dinner for two people. Meaning you can have one.

SPEAKER_01 2:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:05

We can get ham sandwiches too. A grand salad sandwich, load of salad.

SPEAKER_00 2:10

I don't believe you, Anne, because I tell you, for all the times that I've come down here, you're straight away in with a cup of tea or making a sandwich.

SPEAKER_02 2:17

I know the happy point.

SPEAKER_03 2:19

No, I'm very polite with people, but lads, I'm not being ignorant. Why can't she cook sunrise? I got every Sunday I cook a spoon. I turn her off. That's she turned me off because I cook a Monday to Sunday, big spud dinners, and I'm preparing it for the married life. But when Anne gets married, the only time you will see a spud dinner come into Anne's home when she's married is when she has a child that she that has to start being learned how to eat vegetables and stuff. That's when you'll see spots like daddy to look after your child. Because the child can't be neglected of next time.

SPEAKER_00 2:44

What about the men cooking?

SPEAKER_03 2:47

Daddy cooks. And Daddy's better cooked than mummy. Mummy burns a fried egg. Oh, yeah. Mummy secrets don't know when. Mummy couldn't do a fried egg when she first married daddy. No, I couldn't, and I'm not ashamed to say that. I couldn't. No, you're not.

SPEAKER_02 3:04

Daddy's a better cook than mummy. Did the pots and spots cook you and do you no harm? You're still alive today. Hold up a minute. I was right off my nanny spot dinners love. You are to a certain age.

SPEAKER_00 3:16

Sherline, was there anything that you felt that you gave up when you got married?

SPEAKER_02 3:20

I did. Um I always wanted to be a beauty therapist and I did go to college for it. Then I got I left college and I got pregnant on my son. And I lost myself for a few years. What I mean by that is like I lost who I want to be because I had three children very like literally quickly one after another. So I about 25 um I went back after I had my fourth child and I went to Pembroke College in Limerick and I I qualified and all those because I wanted that was something I always wanted a dream to do, and not only just for myself. I wanted to show my children that it was never too late to go back and you know achieve what you wanted achieve. And I think it's very important if I was to lose who I was, it was showing my girls that basically you don't pursue who you want to be and not showing them like women power basically.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

But I don't mean like a lot of traveling that got married, you know. We're going back getting their education, yes, college and I know.

SPEAKER_02 4:12

To show your children, and it's not even that I think myself as well, for like I don't mean by women power that way, but what I mean is like to show my children, like especially my daughters, because you're you know, son men find a way in life, you know, because you teach them, yeah. But for your girls to see, like, to know their worth many, you know what I mean? To know like there's more to life than standing over a cooker, there's more to life than having a man like sorry, no, you you can go and enjoy your life in a 25, 30 years of age and get married and have family children the same way as if you're having a 16 years of age. Yeah, but have seen the world and not things that you're gonna regret. And I think that's what a lot of little boys and girls aren't working out today.

SPEAKER_03 4:45

Because they're getting married so young, aren't they? They're not like enjoying yourself. Like I know personally, me now, if someone came to that door asking me to marry them, I'd say, listen, son, I'm very sorry for you, but you're gonna have to get back up off your knee. And you're no, you're gonna have to get back up off your knee and walk away. Give me to 22 because I'm only coming into the best years of my life. Like, I'm going out, I'm enjoying myself, like I'm like I'm going everywhere doing everything. Like, imagine me sitting out, I ring up my finger and the man wanted to come out with you, and you can't go out with your friends every weekend. No, I'm a child after you and I'm waiting for me dinner. No, see the thing is I know when I'm a married girl, I'll probably still want to act like a little single girl, so my husband got helping to be dragged on by using her makeup. Like, I'll just knock on mummy and daddy's door, leave the child and go. She would do that. So I'm not like I know I'm not mature and I'm 19 years of age. I'm not mature for marriage. So how could someone 15 and 16 years of age be fit and ready for marriage?

SPEAKER_02 5:44

As a mother, I'm proud because why I'm proud is because she's not going to get married and 17, 18 years of age, okay, and and and a young flick because you've been destroying two people's lives, not just one. Yeah, and then the lives are room out of it. Two or three years' time, because listen, they're only young, their feelings change as you mature, and they could realize they might love each other, okay? And that's their now, they might love each other, they might stay together forever. I'm with my husband since I'm 14. Do you know what I mean? Like if I got married and I'm 18, I'm still with him, and I wouldn't change him for the whole world. Look him on the slaughter one another, but you know, that's part of couples. No, I'm saying as it is, like, but we're still here happier than a lot of couples was, you know. Yeah, but what I'm saying is this is like some of the little girls and boys today, it's this phone relationship. So they're chatting to each other so long.

SPEAKER_01 6:23

And then when they move in and get to know one another, they don't give you one another, and they're very immature today.

SPEAKER_02 6:28

In our times, I think, and I'm not insulting you, you know. In our times, I don't know whether because we had to grow up faster, okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:35

One that you had to grow up. You're in a house where there was loads of younger children, and it was like you have to look after responsibility, had to step up a lot younger.

SPEAKER_02 6:42

And like, so we were always in my sense, we were a bit more mature. Like today, you're a lot more you're a lot more than a few years. No, I see boys on my phone on my pants.

SPEAKER_01 6:50

And their coaches, me makeup and TikTok.

SPEAKER_03 6:52

How can they be fit for margin? You see them like fit for marriage or something. No, I'm I'm not fit for it. I'm not fit for it. I'm looking at boys my own age, and I'm thinking, like, how could you want to be get going with a girl and want marriage? Because you're you're going around, you're more childish than my 13-year-old brother. Like, how do you want a marriage? How do you want children? That's the innocence, you see. That's that's that part there. Because they have they're still a boy matures like a bit l like a bit less and a bit slower than a girl. So I'm looking on at these boys like 19 years of age, I'm like, what are what's up with you? But it's not even that now in. I'm I'm being honest.

SPEAKER_01 7:25

They don't know what to want. They don't know what to want to do. I have a wife seven boys, and I have a fellow of Tom is twenty-two, Paz twenty, Sunny's nineteen.

SPEAKER_03 7:35

He's the only one.

SPEAKER_01 7:36

Yeah, and Jim is nearly eighteen. Like they're all there. I says I'm seven days away. Why'd you ever think you'd go get yourself a woman on Guana? She tells me we're never gonna live. Life is too s no, I swear to God, she's not you know, she's too.

SPEAKER_02 7:47

She tells me that. Well I know I think they're clever because it didn't. Sorry.

SPEAKER_04 7:50

No, I no. I also think it's because when you were younger, you weren't as dependent on your mother or father say as I would be. Like if I need to get done, I bust my mother or my father. Yeah, I'm not gonna be.

SPEAKER_03 8:00

I don't even go into the doctors without my mother. I take my mother into the doctor's, uh I look at my mother when the doctor's asking me questions and after.

SPEAKER_02 8:06

I think in one way I think it isn't any right, but I think in another way, like you were saying that I don't think it's that we were any bad, but I think it was different time zone.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

No, I think we were learned we had to depend on the SIF and Yeah, but they weren't as hard as times. No, one way they weren't they were very hard times, they were tough times.

SPEAKER_02 8:22

We didn't have the luxury she had. Yeah. But in other words, because we had so less, we we actually appreciated. We knew how to make do with yes.

SPEAKER_01 8:31

Or if you were it wasn't the invited, say one of your well, my sisters, you could have a top or a t-shirt or jeans. Yeah, pass on. Well that DB wear net and wouldn't be a butter. I guarantee if I turn around and said for a cataly, that won't fit you give them listen, this would be oh I'm hairly wearing that. After the whole world will see them.

SPEAKER_02 8:46

Or this thing or this thing now, Ninny, go help us. I often had the one pair of pants issue. They were so worn. I tried here, dude, snap here where you were trying to pull them up all the time to keep up with you because we're falling out. You know what I mean? That's how we were. But I think today is when this thing, oh, I can't wear it because I wore that once. What do you mean you wore it once? Go wash it, yeah. That's hard. Oh no, I put it on a TikTok video. Are you having a laugh?

SPEAKER_01 9:05

Or rolling in the ball and hiding somewhere. It's gone, it's disappeared, it's gone up the road.

SPEAKER_02 9:08

Nini, two do you know she's greating them on my oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 9:11

If I showed you my phone, does it have nearly a 200? No sheen was a thing in a basket.

SPEAKER_03 9:16

I have four thousand safe in my phone. She keeps adding adding adding.

SPEAKER_02 9:18

I said, I hope you know you're never getting. I don't have four thousand to spend on a sheen, by the way, because uh not a whole lot but this I'm saying, it's it's it's a different time, and I think I'm so proud to be in one way part of this time for me as a mother like you are to see that my daughters want to make something of their self that like at their age I was mothers of I was mother of children.

SPEAKER_03 9:37

She was nearly she was a mother of nearly three children at my age. I was a mother of three. Imagine that, and I'm not even a mother of one. I'm not I'm not even a uh wife of anyone, never mind a mother.

SPEAKER_02 9:45

But I'm proud, I'm proud to see that she wants to qualify and eventually she's hoping maybe to open up an end.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

I think it's uh and if you don't mind me just jumping in, like this is a massive change to the first time we did an episode where you really wanted to get married, and it's like in that short space of time Like I look at people.

SPEAKER_03 10:05

But you've matured so much your mind is changed. All my friends are married, like there's only there's one left to get married out with a friend group, and I'm the only single one left. I'm looking at all my friends and they're all born now. Like they're born. I'm looking at them like that. I think you can see the children. Yeah, but you know when you're yeah, but you know when your friends get married, it's like you're looking at them like they can't like you can't all like just meet up in the evening times and go for your sun beds and do this and do that, because oh no, am I going off for food with him? Where's your time? Where's your time? Well well his blue face can go off with the boys though. Not about not about you, not about you coming off with the biggest.

SPEAKER_00 10:43

But that's a great point you just brought there, like that it's they lose all all sense of who they are. Maybe go back to the house.

SPEAKER_03 10:51

Yeah, no, but he can go out and have a game of p a game of pool with the boys. Yeah, but I think he's a big thing. A game of pool is a couple of pints inside.

SPEAKER_02 10:57

Like I might even be a game pool of pints, whatever it is, but I think with a woman with with a travelling woman, okay. Right, and I don't know, some it's probably someone to say it comes to talk about travellers. I think they lose who they are.

unknown 11:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 11:09

If I'm speaking for me and your mother, we're older, we're married. And when we got married, it was like things that we enjoyed that we had to forget and just drop because we have to step into motherhood and wifehood. Whereas a man never had to change. Because he he he's still a man, it's a man's world, isn't it? Like he's still a man.

SPEAKER_00 11:25

Street man's world.

SPEAKER_02 11:26

Yes. Like he could say he go out the door.

SPEAKER_03 11:29

Can I just say one thing? It couldn't be a man's world without a woman, because a woman has to have to have that man, rear that man, put the morals in the man, and still has to bury her God forbid, has to bury her child if she's still alive. So where does the man come? With the woman. With the woman, you still depend on a woman.

SPEAKER_02 11:47

And that's why guys should respect women. That's why you need to respect the woman. Well, like that's something saying, whereas with man he could walk out that door, but as we were to go somewhere, we'd have to arrange some babysit. We'd have to make sure everything's done. We'd have to make sure there's food there. We'll make sure children's fed before we go and make sure that sometimes you have to change. I've very good like that way. I've been seeing my marriage. But a lot of women don't have Nancy. No, she does no, it's not say this one is the boss in the man. I try to be pleasant. Like, no, okay, right. But I had my biggest years at the beginning of my marriage. I didn't, but I like the same thing. I put my mom, like say, Here, come here and I'll put down the neck there by not chinking. If I didn't marry, I'll live all day, a man do all the work, I'll just sit down. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But I think this is another part of it. It's called equal respect. And I think it has to be equal respect. Like a man has to respect a woman the same way a woman would be.

SPEAKER_03 12:39

I think his marriage is 50-50. Yeah. But it's even shows you respect, you show him respect. If he if he let's say has children in his pocket, you have 200 in your pocket. We have 300. What the hell is it? Yeah, we have 300 pocket. We have 300. There's not about the 200 there in Anne's pocket. No, but I do. It's not even that.

SPEAKER_01 13:01

I can even I can even see it, Charlene, as a mother and a traveller woman. Even with the young young fellows going up there, I'm talking for my sons, they all finished school. I have one of my sons, he's gone down a trade, he's gone down his printership.

SPEAKER_02 13:12

Yeah, fair play to fair played for it.

SPEAKER_01 13:13

Uh still uh fabricator. But I was delighted. He gave three years of his life working in that shit job. I'm not even going to mention the name of it. Hardship, the shit he put up out and the abuse he put up out of underworkers. He was there one day, he said it to me. I was looking out the window and he said, he looked at his shoes. He said, I had my heels worked off. He said, and here he said, after three years, he said, this in for me, he worked out. And I said it took you three years to realise the job you were in wasn't the police video. So here last summer, he put in the case. Yeah, he put his name in for I must never got it. He's there since last summer, going ahead doing his apprenticeship. He's he checked out a college the other day that they'll have to go to and all. And I was delighted, to be honest, to say young travelling young fellow going doing it and did it all for himself.

SPEAKER_03 13:58

Yes, perfectly. Everything for himself.

SPEAKER_01 14:02

He's he finished his uh leave insert when he was sixteen, and straight away when he finished working on the city.

SPEAKER_02 14:07

You find I feel like as an older mother today, travelling mother in this society, right? I feel the travelling wise are changing as well. I see that's what I'm saying. I can see that. Like they do don't want to kind of rush to marriage, they want to get like get a good job, good thing under them, and do you want to live a bit of life first? Yeah, I think it's a Ivy on laughter.

SPEAKER_00 14:25

Or have a girlfriend.

SPEAKER_02 14:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:27

Well I without the commitment of having to go back.

SPEAKER_03 14:29

Yeah, Ivy. Like you can actually go out, like and because I even see it like um I'm the designated third reader. But I see it like they'll like you can still go off on the weekend. Just have your tea. And you should be gone. If you have the tea during the week, like that extra day, like you he'll come down, you go off, it's too much. Just straight away rush into marriage within a year. Where are you going?

SPEAKER_01 14:51

You don't know one another after a year. I often say that to my way, oh my, when I was your age, I was gone, I was married, I had children. That's you, our time is different. As he said to me, just because you haven't got a woman, you can't go, it doesn't say you can't go and enjoy yourself and have a good laugh at Mr. McGarry. As they always said to me, How do you know what I'm doing when I go now, who I'm with? Only an hour ago. One fella said that to me, he says, Oh, you don't know what I'd be up to about and this and that.

SPEAKER_02 15:14

I always love myself.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

He goes, Oh, what's the name of you wouldn't want to even know he said.

SPEAKER_02 15:19

No, but like i I think I I think it's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 15:22

I mean with the choices young people is making today. By not getting married young, living a bit of life, seeing life.

SPEAKER_02 15:29

They have an ambition today.

SPEAKER_01 15:30

Yeah, they have.

SPEAKER_02 15:31

You know, like and I I I'm very proud, like my other daughter is studying nursing at the moment. She finished school and studying nursing. I'm very proud that my two daughters now. One was mad for marriage during that long ago, but thank God after so many eclipses into the year, you know what I'm happy. Why didn't I have nursing?

SPEAKER_03 15:49

Like, and I kept trying to tell her matured.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

Yes. And this is this is the basis of the whole conversation of how can you get married when you're so young when you're still maturing.

SPEAKER_03 15:57

But I I say as the Catherine. My friend's married a couple of months.

SPEAKER_01 16:01

I say as Kathleen, John is the marriage life of Putra sitting down a half an hour after listening to me and Ellen should be. Oh, I never want to get married.

SPEAKER_02 16:07

But it's like it's it's it's not Nini. Like like even like Marcy, you're gonna go. It's they they're so young. Yeah, their minds are changing rapidly, their hormones are changing.

SPEAKER_03 16:15

Like in the space of a few months, my mind changed never mind. Someone who's fifteen and sixteen years old.

SPEAKER_02 16:23

I'd say you get married at 30. 30 exactly.

SPEAKER_00 16:26

I said never get married.

SPEAKER_02 16:27

I like I have a friend, a traveller woman, she got married to 30, had four children now, and she's very content, but she lived her life to the best. Well, fair better. Knew what she was doing what was right from wrong, but enjoyed it, went on every holiday, had the best of life. And on that, yes.

SPEAKER_00 16:42

There are people watching this and listening to this now. Could be young travellers, it could be just young people in general. What are your words of advice about retaining your ambitions, your sense of self and your identity, and all of your hopes and dreams, even when you get married?

SPEAKER_02 17:00

My what I'm gonna come back at on this is don't let everybody else's uh opinions choose your future. Let it be yours.

SPEAKER_01 17:10

I totally agree with that.

SPEAKER_03 17:11

I don't know, I'm not gonna give my opinion because it won't be too much.

SPEAKER_01 17:16

I keep that you should never grow up too soon.

SPEAKER_02 17:20

That's why I said No, just be just achieve what you want to achieve. But you would do it for yourself. Because if we have to keep doing everything to keep everybody else happy, then you're gonna be unhappy in ourselves. Live by you only live once. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 17:32

And I'm being honest, God help the poor man.

SPEAKER_02 17:34

So you're not getting married.

SPEAKER_01 17:35

You're my daughter, God help the poor man will never get her. Very young.

SPEAKER_04 17:38

I'll blow you away. Mummy, do you think you'd be able to get into the box? Because I'll blow up to see a panny again.

SPEAKER_01 17:45

Oh, it's like the favorites of the horror.

SPEAKER_02 17:48

And with this, lads, we're going to wrap up this episode. But like I said, keep your future for you. Goodbye.