Episode 7: Mental health awareness

In this Episode the Gossip Bures chat about Mental health awareness. 

This is a very sensitive topic and may be triggering for some listeners. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

Gossip Yours!

SPEAKER_02 0:03

Gossip Yours Welcome to this episode of Gossip Yours, and on this episode we're going to talk about something that's a bit more sensitive. We're going to touch a little bit on mental health, depression, and suicide. That a lot of us in this room and also a lot of you viewers at home have actually been in touch with. It's maybe been close to home or has happened in your home or you have a family member. We're going to start off well speaking about mental health. And it's something I think that a lot of people are embarrassed to speak about. We came from a time when we were supposed to be travellers that we were embarrassed to even say we had it. It was hidden for a long time. And unfortunately a lot of us actually suffered in silence. And it's great now that we can talk about it because the fact that we can speak about it, we're actually getting help and we're not hiding it to the stage that some poor people have committed suicide. Some people are suffering with depression, anxiety, PTSD. And also some of us here in this room know family members that commit suicide. Or some family members have suffered with mental health. Like a lot of you viewers at home. So we're just going to get some points on it.

SPEAKER_01 1:13

If you're speaking from your own like natural personal experience, but me speaking from a person for suicide. I think it's the worst thing that could hit any family ever. Because as you said, Charlene, it hits their mental health, anxiety, depression, literally everything. It rips families apart as well. And not only that, I think it's the biggest loss that any family could ever have or get.

SPEAKER_02 1:36

Oh it is. Because you feel your time is still too short. It is. Like I I think from for me, like I've suffered about it like yourself and any other families. And I think you can like not that you can accept it, like my mother passed away with cancer. And it's not that I can never accept my mother passed away with cancer. But she was sick. You know what I mean? That was God's time to take her on. But I think when you lose someone to suicide, you always think like it could have been stopped, could have been prevented. Like, was there something you missed? Was there something you could have noticed?

SPEAKER_01 2:06

It's not even that, Sharlene. There is help out there, but I witness this in my own toys. A person can get help, but then there's the other side of it. A person can easily fool the mental health. Oh, of course they can. Because they can walk in there and say, they were signed off saying, Oh, they're perfect, they're hundred percent. That person is walking out there with a fake smile.

SPEAKER_02 2:27

It's all being a fake person, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 2:30

Being a fake person. I see that when they're doing it, what's the name of it? And yes, behind closed doors, they're broken inside, they're suffering. They're suffering. They feel empty. Really deep down inside. And then what's name of it, there's another side of it. They all look perfect in front of, say, they're laughing, because I see it. Laughing, messing, having to crack all this and that. And then when they go home, it's like they're locked away. And then is where the harm comes in and this and that.

SPEAKER_02 2:58

100% of this. And it's always those that is smiling and laughing the most are the ones that hurt most. Because you know you always hear the same when someone has done it. I never expected that with that person. Because that's always the person that's making everyone else smile and everyone else laugh, but they're they're hurting inside yourself. They're suffering inside yourself. And I think sometimes from all from ourselves, like I I can I'm only speaking from my own experience. I I went through all these stages myself in life.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:24

When my mother passed away, I hid it for a long time. It took me a few years to even accept my mother gone. Then I went through different patches of I was angry, all different sorts. And then I went through my depression. And it took me a while to go to the doctors and and and actually to be honest with you, I was embarrassed. And like I agree, I'm proud of my children, helped me support me in that way because I got the help I needed now. I can speak for myself and I went through all them patches. But sometimes as well, you get this attitude, especially with the travelling community, and you know it's like, are you okay, shake it off?

SPEAKER_01 3:52

Yeah, but I think what helps as well, Charlene, if to me, I'm being honest, even if say if it's a son or daughter, or even a family member member or your mother or whatever, because I can remember what's the name of it, more than all sorry. I could nearly write a book about suicide at this stage. And as you said, there's always a why, and you'd always say, Well, they look so happy. How could this person fool you? So much coming from them. And you'd be talking about shop and going for something date, coming up having the laugh back there and all this and that. And then it's just reversed. It's actually you'll never realise until you're standing at the grave, just looking in, you'll say, Well, they shouldn't be there, they should be alone.

SPEAKER_02 4:27

And I can honestly say, I don't think you'll never, ever truly the people left behind.

unknown 4:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 4:35

I can never resent. We will you'll never have that ease of mind. You'll never, you'll never you'll never have that ease of mind.

SPEAKER_01 4:42

No, no.

SPEAKER_02 4:42

Because you're always never gonna have the right answer. Because the answer is never isn't it's never gonna be a right answer.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

And even that they left letters behind saying must name it, they're going to a happier place, that they love this person and that person. And I remember I said one time How could a child think that they're going to a happier place? Or how can they say what's name of it? Oh, they didn't mean to do it, or this or that. I I could never like I couldn't get my head around, you know, even to this day, I can never understand. And you know, even if you look at pictures or even even go to the grave, you'd say, Well, why like of course you would, and you know something you'd be thinking they should be here, they should be happy, they should be here, why are you gone?

SPEAKER_02 5:23

Yeah. And like I know from us sitting in this room and a lot of viewers watching this, they all we've all lost some of the suicide. And it's something that you'll never control or overcome. But I'm just saying to anyone that's watching this, because we we're sitting in this room, we know what we're speaking about. Ask for help. Don't feel embarrassed. Don't think, oh, I I can't talk about that because I'm a member of the travelling community.

SPEAKER_01 5:47

Ask for help. No matter who it is in family, either brother or sister, mother or father, cousin.

SPEAKER_02 5:52

Come and talk about it.

SPEAKER_01 5:53

Even if you have to go somewhere, just talk to someone in private, go and do it.

SPEAKER_02 5:56

And sometimes I know you can feel embarrassed because you d you don't want to talk. Sometimes it's you don't want to talk to family members closed. There's helplines there, private and confidential. Pick up that phone, ring somebody, because you know just getting it off your chest, getting it off your mind can be the difference of actually feeling that load is halved. That that's something simple and minor that now I know I know I can talk about it. I don't need to feel embarrassed. And if you're suffering with anxiety, you're suffering with depression and mental health, you're not alone. We're all there where there's loads of people in this world that is suffering with it.

SPEAKER_01 6:28

So don't feel you're on your own. And one way to be better going getting help talking, says leaving the family a heartbreak behind that.

SPEAKER_02 6:35

Because that heartbreak is continued for with your family until until they take aspirate. So think of think of I can get help and I can do this with the strength of my family because you remember your family do love you.

unknown 6:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:49

And no matter what it is in life, no matter what you're facing, and and I know a lot of and I I I have to touch on this Martin as well, and I know there's a lot of traveller boys and girls today that are suffering with their identity and who they are, if they're want to be lesbian, if they want to be gay, they're embarrassed to come out of it because it's the come out. Talk to your family, don't suffer in silence because no matter what your family loves you.

SPEAKER_01 7:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:12

Okay, and yes, sometimes it might be hard for them to understand, not that they can't accept it, it's just the understanding of it, and after s they sit down speaking to you, they will understand it and they'll love you the very same way. And if you think you have it. It'll take a bit of time, but look, of course they'll get there. That's what I'm saying. Like some days, it's the understanding. It's not that they're not accepting it, it's understanding change. It's understanding that. And if you're suffering with your mental health, if you feel you're in a dark space, if you feel like I I don't want to be here no more, I don't want to be alive no more, I don't see the light into the tunnel.

SPEAKER_01 7:43

But if I talk to somebody even must even with the younger generation, even with travellers, all over like there's a lot of debt, depression, anxiety.

SPEAKER_02 7:53

But there's a lot of pressure on them too. There's an awful lot of pressure on them, Lenny, and I think that comes from it as well. And I also think like it comes from the younger boys and girls, and you can probably agree with me on this girls now, you know. There's a lot of pressure on young fliers today, I'm gonna say. Now girls is that, right? But we're gonna talk about young fellas for a minute. Because they have this thing of if they don't have a new car, yeah, if they don't have this, if they don't have a watch in their hands, if they don't have a new hand. Okay, a girl don't want them, or a girl won't look at them. There's so much pressure on young fellas that they have to feel they need to have this and that. Yeah. And that alone can be a pressure for a little boy to say, Yeah, of course. I can't get that, and that's I can't. And he could love a little girl and she might want them because of that. You could you can do a harm to yourself over that.

SPEAKER_01 8:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:37

Dem things don't make anybody any better than the next. You know something. Find the right person and and talk to the right people, and you realise that.

SPEAKER_04 8:46

That that's is there anything sorry for cutting in there, but is there anything, any advice you could give maybe parents out there of how to do maybe a mental health check-in with their children? Because you know, sometimes you just you you're you you expect your children just to kind of live their lives and grow up. I think you're okay. Yeah, be okay, yeah. I think that you can do to check in.

SPEAKER_01 9:07

I think as a parent, Martin, say as a mother myself, as a family grown up, you'll know us, and maybe Charlene, you will agree, you'll notice the change in a child.

SPEAKER_03 9:16

Yeah, there is, you can notice. I wouldn't like my mother or my father coming in uh uh asking me, Oh, how's your how's your mental health? I don't Yeah, but I don't ask you how your mental health say like if there like I know like you I just no I'm I'm a very stubborn person, I just get up and kind of go on, but at the same time there's like certain things that my family'd like kind of picked up. We know it's gonna change.

SPEAKER_01 9:40

Yeah, it's like talking there. If I'd know if she was having a bad day or I can tell if she's looking for something, I'd often say, Why are you looking for oh she'd say nothing? And I'd hear her in the room rooting and hearing and stuff. I went in that's a well if you're looking for such a thing, I put it there. Oh, I thought you won't kill me, I didn't even know where it was. And I can relieve her. Yeah, no, but it's like and you'd see the relief off her face.

SPEAKER_02 10:01

Yeah, no, it's like now with my like with my on mine. I can always switch your sons and stuff, they get very angry and get very frustrated and go into their self, they're not yourself in a stairwave kind of you know there's something wrong. Like for my girls, I know it's like I know when they're not yourself, like they're go off, they're like not talking, child, like go to the room, or they can get extra moody. So I wouldn't exactly say, Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:24

It's extra moody in the house as well. Oh yeah, I can have my moodies.

SPEAKER_02 10:27

I'm not saying I don't, but run about and have a parent's point here. Okay, right. No, but I'm just saying, like, and I wouldn't actually say, Okay, how's your mental heads? I wouldn't exactly say it like that. But when I say to them, Are you alright? Is there something wrong? How are you today? Do you know? And she'd be like, I'm gonna. And I say, You're sure.

SPEAKER_03 10:42

No, because like you get really vexed, then if she's asking, I thought I haven't says, Are you alright? Watch the woman let's get really fixed. Like if you're asking you, are you are you okay? Are you sure you're alright? Because she won't stop until you say, No, like I'm looking at her like I just want her to be able to know that she can talk to me. So I just go out and get in the camera and go away because it'd be like it'd be making it worse on you. Like, if if you just loaded, yeah, like I can come to it.

SPEAKER_04 11:09

Like you know they're there if you want to go talk to them, but the problem is a lot a lot of a lot of people don't know.

SPEAKER_00 11:16

Yeah, well, mommy's no way of knowing that I'm in a bad hood and having bad days. I will not let my room full of yeah. No, I slap I slap every door inside the place.

SPEAKER_03 11:24

Well, I just slap every door.

SPEAKER_02 11:25

I just say the point now as well. So just for parents, for travelling parents as well, because I know it can be very difficult. If you are having that struggle to realise it in your child, and you're like, 'cause it can get younger as well. And younger children, I think 13, 14, the boys and stuff going to school, and there's a lot they're suffering, they're probably hidden in school that we're not knowing about. Just watch for changes in their behaviour. Everybody knows their child, and what I mean, and if you see they're going off, they're going into their stuff to come, there's probably something wrong without actually sitting them down and interrogating them and making them feel like interrogation. Just maybe say, Right, you want to come for a spin? And while you're on that spin, have an hour chat with them. It could be just like a normal thing, and then just say in the middle, say, Well, Anna, that's strange happened today, or how are you feeling? And just it but they might feel it'd be in that comfort zone that they know, yeah. But like, do you want to do that as well? It might be in that comfort zone and come out with it, you know.

SPEAKER_01 12:13

She turns with the party takes no way.

SPEAKER_02 12:15

No, but like my other daughter now, she'd always come out and tell me if she if she goes now, she's in no jasmine's temporary news. Yeah, if she's a workers' brain, so I'd never think about that mummy. She'd come back at home and she'd be like, Mommy, I'll tell you now how it feels today. I'd have this happen to me today now, and I don't feel too good about it.

SPEAKER_03 12:30

She'll come home and tell you. No, but you can't sit down with Jasmine because she's my mommy's sister, so I told I go and tell her everything.

SPEAKER_02 12:36

But she'll tell me everything.

SPEAKER_03 12:37

Jasmine's temporary news. You tell Jasmine something now. Don't go and tell mommy and daddy I don't want to know. That's her malicious. Let me tell you this because Ann will not tell you, but I have no other chance to tell you because you're gonna be coming up, but then mommy will say, Look, you can't tell Jasmine that I told you now because I know that I told you. So all of us know that everyone knows, but we can't go back and say, Oh, well, she taught me, you told her.

SPEAKER_02 13:00

Do you know like also, and I'm gonna say in this broadcast one before we say that in a sec, we're here at TRTP, Tipperary World Traveller project. We're also here, and we have loads of different members of staff that work on all this, and we have a great manager that does an awful lot with mental health. So if you are struggling, and if you do feel okay, I need this question about my teenager or my child, give us a call. And I'm sure she'll be able to give you the best tips or put you into contact with the grey contacts that will be able to help you with that. That's just I'm just going to put that out there again. We're always here to help. Sorry, Nene.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

No, I was just about to say what Melissa's. Melissa's the same way, she'll if she hears any of the boys saying anything, or even my name's got to be. She'll brought them. Come down the stairs, come down the stairs and listen to what they're saying.

SPEAKER_01 13:45

No, no, she'll brought she'll pretend to be coming in. Oh mummy, do you need the mugs put in here or the table session or you're gonna be down?

SPEAKER_02 13:54

Melissa, it's thinking over there. Yeah, but isn't it good though that your family is close like that? I know you might think that younger at your girls, but if there is something that's going on or if they hear you on the phone upset or talking to someone that you know you're gonna come back and you can talk, you can go to the phone.

SPEAKER_03 14:07

Well, Jasmine's tips down anyway, because if you're on the phone you can't have a private conversation.

SPEAKER_02 14:11

Come take the phone off here and put it on speaker or leave it on table. But isn't it aren't you very lucky that you have families and like Mark said a minute ago, some people don't. Yeah. And that's look, there's always someone there, okay? And you might feel that you have the support network at home.

SPEAKER_01 14:24

And the business.

SPEAKER_02 14:25

But the sport networks here with Tipperary Road Travel Project, and if you're from a different town or a different county, we're in contact with a lot of health primary healthcare teams and stuff, and we can't give you those contact details and they'll be able to guide you in the right track from there. And I just want to put that information there. Do you know?

SPEAKER_01 14:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:41

And it is something that anxiety is a bad thing as well.

SPEAKER_01 14:44

Oh my god, that's yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:47

I suffer anxiety.

SPEAKER_04 14:48

Oh, that's that that's that's crippled me in the past.

SPEAKER_02 14:50

I'm on tablets without I'm only coming around now. I didn't even want to mix with people. I went to stage and locked myself away.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

Uh I know a person with it, a family member with it that bad. They actually can't drive a car. They do have to get off the car. You can drive so far and you have to get off the car and take breaths.

SPEAKER_02 15:04

Okay, well I'm gonna tell you what happened to me that you said that, Ninny.

SPEAKER_01 15:07

Very good. I was a passenger in the back of the car with my car.

SPEAKER_02 15:09

Back of my car on my way to Nina. Oh, never ever again. And we're actually weren't coming to Nina, it was coming to Nina Randrack. We were going to Limerick. And my anxiety got so bad. She made heart stack preparation. The Lurry was coming to get out. I thought I was having a heart attack, and I'd take deep breaths and everything to bring my anxiety back down. Yeah. To be able to get back into that car. That's bad, don't you?

SPEAKER_03 15:26

As the Lurry was coming, she made me stop. In the middle of the round.

SPEAKER_02 15:29

She didn't stop. I felt it. I was actually physically going to die in back of the car.

SPEAKER_03 15:32

Oh, she poke my heart up with my mouth. It's so bad.

SPEAKER_01 15:36

And I won't lie, I left roar I left roars like I was going to leave her there. And even the even at that, uh Shirley, would excite. I don't like to shop.

SPEAKER_02 15:46

I suffer because I'm I'm suffering PTSD. That's what I mean. Yeah, you're posting my stress. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

And I am on that.

SPEAKER_02 15:51

And sometimes I dare I don't even do food shopping anymore. I get shopping delivered. I went to that stage. I didn't want to go into the shops. But my medication is starting to help me a lot and I'm starting to build back my confidence a little bit. Now my anxiety is still very bad. Like you see me here yesterday on a very bad day. Do you know what I was like, whoa, I have to shut myself away from everyone for a while because it gave me I get so bad that it gives me severe migraines and shuts me everything down. It's from stress and anxiety. So it's bad. But look, I'm lucky I have great support network at home. I have a very good I'm very blessed with my support I have around me. But some people don't, do you know? I have some I have family members that suffer so bad about mental health, it's actually heartbreaking to see. Yeah, we've done it. It's heartbreaking to see because it's just it's do you know.

SPEAKER_04 16:32

And I think just on that note, as we finish up, I think it's important for everyone to know that at some stage in your life your mental health will take a dip. And whether or not that dip lasts for a prolonged period of time will determine whether or not you have mental health issues. But we will all go through phases where we have moods, and I think it's important like little spaces like this, like thanks for opening up about it because like we didn't know you were going to. But that's that's so important because when you normalize mental health issues through conversation, other people will know that they're not suffering alone. No, they're not that there's a way out, and sometimes that's what depression and anxiety does. It makes you believe that you're the only one in the world going through that.

SPEAKER_02 17:25

So you have to remember you aren't alone. I suffer with it, I have a great support network, I've had my very bad days, and I'm now coming to my better time, all because I actually spoke out about it, and I accepted, and I said, Right, I need to get help. And you know something, if I was to keep thinking my own mind where I'm ashamed or shake it off, this is something you're going through, I'd still be suffering where I wouldn't be the person I am today. So just get help.

SPEAKER_04 17:51

Talk to somebody. Thank you. Everyone