From Trauma to Real Estate Powerhouse, This is Her Story

We're starting Season 2 with very important conversations.

Kiara opens up about breaking cycles, facing hard truths, and choosing a different path despite where she started. Her story speaks to the kind of growth that happens through discipline, honesty, and a willingness to heal.

There is no rush in becoming whole. God meets us in the process, not just the outcome.

Watch the full conversation and sit with what this might mean for your own journey.

Disclaimer: This episode includes discussions of sexual abuse, trauma, and mental health that may be distressing for some viewers. Viewer discretion is advised.

If you are affected by these topics, consider seeking support from a trusted individual or professional.Your past does not have to define you.

Host: Leanni Tibbetts
Produced by: Cayman Style TV
Purpose Partner: Jaques Scott (Food Division) 💜

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

This person that they arrested had been drugging me and other girls and sexually assaulting us. I went down a dark path after that. Just partying all the time, drinking all the time, fighting all the time, getting arrested. I was just out of it. I've never spoken to anyone about this at all. And for some reason, I feel very comfortable speaking with you. I just hope the viewers viewing this get some sort of inspiration. People are here to help talk, reach out. You want to hang out, reach out, whatever it is. But you need to do the groundwork for you.

SPEAKER_03 0:43

Today we have with us an amazing, amazing, powerful woman who is a powerhouse in real estate. She's a mom and much more. We have Kiara McLaughlin with us today. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

And vice versa. It's a blessing to be across another powerhouse. So it's great.

SPEAKER_03 1:06

Thank you. Um, I figured I would just kick off this conversation, jumping right into what we've all seen you do and do very well, which is your real estate. And again, congratulations on your beautiful little bundle of joy. Thank you. We see her even going with you on your listings too.

SPEAKER_00 1:24

So yeah, she's I'm blessed with um a cooperating baby. Yeah, she really makes me do my thing, you know. And um, clients love love to see her, you know. Every time they're like, oh, baby, something about a baby, everyone's like, oh my goodness. Yes, take your time. Like, yes, I want to buy now. Yeah, no, it's great. Um, yeah. And real estate, I kind of fell into it because, you know, working was not something that I have envisioned. You because a lot of people know me back from doing track and feel. Yeah. So I was very much into my sport. I wanted to represent K-Man. I have represented K-Man multiple times, but that was something I I saw professionally.

SPEAKER_01 2:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

And um it just went downhill really quickly. Uh back-to-back things just kept happening to me. And one of them was tuberculosis on my lungs, and that's when I kind of lost all strength in my body. I dropped below 100 pounds. I was 16. I was isolated in the hospital, four walls for about two months. And then everyone that comes to see you is covered like in plastic, and no one can like really touch you.

SPEAKER_03 2:45

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_00 2:46

Yeah. So it was a very like depressive state time in my life. Um, but yeah, and then that kind of just flew out the window of going to the Olympics. Oh no. I had to start all over again. Um I mean, which at the time, thinking I was old then, but I was really young then actually, I would have definitely started over. Um, but it's okay because it led me to what I do now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:14

So who opened up that first door for you?

SPEAKER_00 3:16

Like, how did you like I was just applying from different jobs to jobs. I didn't know what I want to do. So I went from working in a shoe store. I was a cashier. I was working in a shoe store, then I worked at a uh glasses store, and then uh saw an ad for real estate and as an admin and jumped into that.

SPEAKER_03 3:34

Oh, so I started off in admin.

SPEAKER_00 3:36

Yeah, so I just kind of bounced my way around until I found what I like, and I was like, oh, I've been here for a year, so I must like this job. And then I saw the age, I was basically the agent's assistant. Okay. So I saw a lot of the things that they do. I would go on showings, the paperwork, um, the properties, and I just thought, hmm, I could do this. And I just went for it. Wow. 18 years old, and I was like, yeah, I'm just gonna go for it.

SPEAKER_03 4:06

Yeah. So like having worked in the field for that long, then you know, um I'm old, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:14

I get it, I get it.

SPEAKER_03 4:17

But you started young, you started at 18, you know, like so to watch the market evolve, like, especially as a young Cayman, how how do we even look at it's crazy? You know, how do we get in? Everybody else getting in, like, how do we get in?

SPEAKER_00 4:37

Right now, uh one of my strongest advice that I could tell any young Cayman is start small. If you are in your 20s, start small. It's okay to just start off with one piece of land. Because I mean, you've seen it. Yeah, when you were looking years ago compared to what it is now, when I was looking years ago compared to what it is now, value is increasing. Don't wait for the market to drop because what if that happens in the next 20 years? How old will you be then? Yeah, you know, and where will your life be then? We don't know. So I always try to encourage young K Mayans, invest small. If all you can afford is a piece of land, that's okay. Sit on that land for a year to two, build it to equity, it will improve. Yeah. Or if you can buy a one-bedroom apartment or a two-bedroom apartment, but you have the opportunity to stay home, then buy the apartment, stay home, and rent it out. For do that for a year, and then go back to the bank in one year, say, hey, I've been renting out my property for this amount of money. So they they put half of that towards your mortgage. And then on top of that, I got a new valuation, just how much my property is worth now.

SPEAKER_01 5:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 5:49

Compared to what I bought it for. So then they add that on top as well. So all of these things can help you build your portfolio without having to actually use your money physical cash. Save, start saving as well. You know, start small. That's all I can really say. Start humble, start small, especially if you don't have like parents to be able to hand you a property or anything like that. Just start small and that's okay. You don't have to go and don't get a car loan.

SPEAKER_03 6:18

Don't get a car loan.

SPEAKER_00 6:21

I'm sorry. That's another tip that I will give K-Mines. Don't get a car loan. Guys, guys, guys.

SPEAKER_03 6:29

Just buy second hand.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

It is, yeah. Just buy second hand because the interest rates on those things are crazy. And that's what's gonna slow you down from buying a property in what five to seven years? Yeah. That's a lot of time. We don't got a time to waste. Yeah. You know, we need to be effective, and that's ineffective.

SPEAKER_03 6:48

What about um someone like me who's about to be 30 and I want to purchase real estate, but then of course, with the ever-rising cost, um, you know, I have a piece of land, but you know, I want to get more in depth. Like I I want to be a landlord someday, but I don't even know how to get started because you know, when I started the process going to the banks, too, it was a little bit difficult for me. Mostly because I didn't know about pre-qualifying. I didn't know that was a thing one. And then now it's I can't even hear back from the bank.

SPEAKER_00 7:24

Yeah, there apparently now it's cool to buy real estate. So a lot of people, especially younger people, are flooding the bank's email system with I want to get pre-approved, I want to get pre-approved. Um, if you have a piece of land, there's so many routes that you can go. So I'll give you an example. When I bought my land about three to four years ago, I had I got a stamp duty waiver and got the land. Now, when I was trying to get the money to come out of this land, a lot of roadblocks were put in my place. So I wanted to subdivide it and then put in plans to build a home. But I couldn't subdivide it because I had the stamp duty waiver. And for me to subdivide the land, I have to remove that restriction. And for me to remove that restriction, I have to pay for stamp duty. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:16

Wait, so if you have stamp duty waiver, you're not allowed to subdivide?

SPEAKER_00 8:21

Correct.

SPEAKER_03 8:22

I didn't even know that was a thing.

SPEAKER_00 8:24

Yeah, so like because I don't know. They said if you sell in the property, you need to pay the stamp duty waiver. I'm not selling it, I'm just subdividing the land because I want to start building on this side what set of apartments and build a house on this side. Yeah. Anyways, they wouldn't allow me to do that. So cut that idea. Then I wanted to build eight apartments on my property. Too much money. So I had to cut that deal, go a different route. So I decided was I was gonna do it in two phases. I'll start really small, yeah, and then I'll go really big later on.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:01

I was in planning for two years, over two years. I had to fire an architect, go to another one. Yeah, just so much time is delayed, so much time is wasted. So you have to do things in the middle of these things happening to keep your momentum going. Real estate is not a sprint, it's a marathon, literally. So now I'm only getting approved la December 2025. And I started this process in what 2022? Yeah, so almost three years.

SPEAKER_02 9:29

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

Yeah, no, it's crazy. So take your time. You eventually will get there because not a lot of 27-year-olds can say, I'm about to start building four units. Not a lot of us can say that. No, definitely not. Yeah, no, so just get focused.

SPEAKER_03 9:44

Okay, yeah, yeah, that's good to know that you know, because even for someone like me, like when I first started out, I would definitely sprint in. Yeah. And like you said, like I would just hit in roadblock after roadblock after roadblock.

SPEAKER_00 9:58

You have to have the willingness to keep going too, though, because real estate will do that to you, especially. I've seen it happen to so many young K-manians where they're like, I'm out, this is too much, I give up. And I'm there, like, no, you have to keep going. This just happens, don't worry, I'll find a solution. That's why that's my job at the end of the day. You know, so but it's really, it's it's mentally like it's a lot. It's a lot. And then when you see like these houses going for five, six hundred thousand, it's very discouraging. Yeah. So what do you do? You just start small. That's okay, because you can build yourself up.

SPEAKER_03 10:34

Yeah. Um, another question I had is do you see like Caymanians pooling together to purchase real real estate?

SPEAKER_00 10:47

Caemanians need to get educated. Uh-huh. I think that is very possible, but we all need to get more educated first. Get more of a business mindset because we are blaming it too much on expats coming here and taking our home or our properties from us. No, they're just educated and doing it smart, and we need to jump on that.

SPEAKER_03 11:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 11:10

There's nothing stopping us from doing the same thing.

SPEAKER_03 11:13

Can you do do you have insight onto what they're doing?

SPEAKER_00 11:16

So, okay.

SPEAKER_03 11:18

Help us, educate us.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

So there's never usually one person. Usually it's more two or three. Okay. Group of collective that start a company to purchase real estate. And then they flip that property. They either rent it out, if you could buy it, turn it into multi-units, or if you buy a complex, etc., they rent it out or sell one or two to get their cash flow back in and rent it out and then start hunting for the next one. It's that simple.

SPEAKER_03 11:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 11:46

Literally that simple. The hardest thing about all of it is just the paperwork. The paperwork is a pain. But after that, it's really simple.

SPEAKER_03 11:53

Okay. Okay. So it's establishing a company and then through that company, pooling money together to purchase. Um because now it's three of you.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

Yeah. Three of you are qualified for$400,000.

SPEAKER_03 12:05

Hmm. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

All three of you have steady jobs. Yeah. All three of you have incomes.

SPEAKER_03 12:10

And with a company, I presume you would go through like a law firm or something.

SPEAKER_00 12:14

No, you don't have to go through a law firm. Just go through Papa Roger.

SPEAKER_03 12:19

Call Roger. By the way, can you share with them who is Roger?

SPEAKER_00 12:23

Roger Southam is um the managing director at my realtor, aka Papa Roger. Yeah, you don't need to go to a lawyer. You just go and see him and he will have it sorted for you. You don't want to be killed with those lawyer fees.

SPEAKER_03 12:37

So check out my realtor, go over to Papa Roger, get you a company, and yeah, start start investing in real estate. I'm glad that you say that we need to be educated, though, and thank you for educating us because that's something that even I'm interested in, no idea where to start. Yeah. So I will be calling him.

SPEAKER_00 12:57

Yeah, absolutely. Um, even me recently, I've been working with this young lady for a few years now, and she's the same age as me. Never been like friends, never hung out, but we went to school together and all of that. So we know each other.

SPEAKER_02 13:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:12

But we've recently just done business together. So it had me thinking, because the clients that I work for, they work in groups. So I was thinking, like, huh, I wonder if this could be like an ideal business partner for me. Yeah. So um I pitched to her. She loved the idea. And I said, you know what, before we start this, let me um see if one of these guys would sit down with us to kind of explain how they run it as a collective. Because the only way we learn is from the ones that are doing it.

SPEAKER_03 13:42

Correct.

SPEAKER_00 13:43

So she was like, Yeah, I'm down for that. Like, let's have that meeting with him. And then, you know, in a year time, like we put a date on it too. We'll wait a year, we'll see how a year goes. Yeah. And then, yeah, we'll put it in set in stone if all things are well.

SPEAKER_01 13:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 13:55

Yeah. So um, yeah, it's just about finding like-minded people like that.

SPEAKER_01 14:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:00

You know, it's really tricky when you involve family. Um, that takes a lot more because emotions get into it. But even if you do it with family, you have to put a contract in place. Okay. Always, always. This is a business at the end of the day. Yeah. So, but if you can find someone that you see as a business partner and then that grows to like a solid friendship, do that rather than the other way around. I would think so. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:28

Yeah. Okay, that's fair. Yeah. Cause we did trial it with my family as well, where we purchased something in Belize. And that was like the first thing we did. We did like an agreement. So we so we had it where I think it was all of us had to agree like beforehand on the sell price. So when it came to when the price was finally matched, like basically one person managed it.

SPEAKER_00 14:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:55

He let us know this is the price it's at. Now he would consistently come back to us, and we had to decide, all of us had to decide 100% whether or not to sell it. Yeah. So that's what kind of helped us. Yeah. But now again, we're looking here in Cayman and we're just like, I don't know what to do.

SPEAKER_00 15:15

We're a small community now. It's not much people that you can see are Caymanians anymore, native Caymanians. We just need to start supporting each other more than we actually do. It's too much back and forth within our own people and not enough. Okay, let me let me get right. You know what I mean? Start like complaining and always finding a problem. I hate talking about problems.

SPEAKER_01 15:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

If there's a problem that comes up, okay, I'm ready to now look for this solution. Correct. Okay, I'm I'm done talking. Okay, we know the problem. Let's focus on this now.

SPEAKER_03 15:45

Yeah. And that's the thing is like when you hear the solution and when you're you find somebody who you can get this advice to take the advice. Absolutely. Because I recently heard too from someone and they were explaining, you know, um, that they pour out all this advice to different people, and like they're they're one of my advisors, and they're like, you go and you do it, and people see your success, and they keep coming to me wanting me to help them. And I've given them the same advice, they've just done nothing with it. Whereas, you know, like you tell me something, I go on.

SPEAKER_00 16:17

Like, yeah, it's you versus you. I can't if you don't want to go run in, you're not going running. Like, I like running, but I don't like walking. So even I would drive to the store before I walk to the store. I would prefer the dr to drive or run. I ain't going to walk. So if I don't want to do it, it's not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_03 16:41

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 16:41

But I want to succeed, I want to live a different life than what I was raised up in. Yeah, I want that for me, I want that for my family, I want that for my children. Yeah, um, yes, I do expect another one. But yeah, I just want a different life, and you have to want to do it. You can't just see someone, and that is the problem as well here in K-Man. Social media, we see a lifestyle these people live, and some of it ain't even real. That's ooh, some of it isn't even real. Ooh, they say, Oh, expats come in here and living better than us. Some of them are literally living on loans, they live in paycheck to paycheck to maintain a lifestyle. Wow, so it's really trust me. Yeah, people need to stop. I mean, I could have bought a BMW or Benz or Audi long time if I wanted to. But I like my Honda fit. I like the fact that it's really cheap to go service it every six months. Yeah, I love the fact that parts are easy to find, and I love the fact that it's low on gas.

SPEAKER_03 17:43

Yep, yep. That's like all my markers. That's all my markers, especially if I can service it myself, even better.

SPEAKER_00 17:50

I don't have to prove myself to anyone. Me driving a fancy car is would not be for anyone, it would be for me when I'm ready.

SPEAKER_03 17:58

Yeah, that's so good. That's so good. Um, but you mentioned a little bit like you you want a different life for yourself, and I just um want to touch on like you know, where you're coming from versus where you're at now. Like, what did your life look like before you know you transitioned into all of this?

SPEAKER_00 18:21

My life before was an interesting, I would say I've lived a life for just being 27. I lived a life for sure. Um so my mom is from Honduras and my dad is from here. I knew I wanted different with my life when I started going to Honduras every, you know, holiday. But then I couldn't wear certain jewelry, I couldn't have my phone out, I couldn't walk out with the laptop. And I always knew I don't like Honduras because I can't do what I want to do. Yeah, I can't be a free person. So I made it made me love Cayman even more. Like I love my home, I don't want to go anywhere. Um my father struggled with drugs, me growing up, and my mom moved back to Honduras when I was 11. And I already said I didn't want to go. I didn't I don't want to go, I don't like it there. Um, so I stayed here and I lived with my dad for a little bit, didn't work out, so I moved by my grandmother, and yeah, I just kind of went through a stage in my life where I was just an angry kid. You know, I didn't have my parents really. I did have my aunts and my grandmother there, but you know, my parents weren't there, I was an only child. And I was just upset. I don't know. I was just upset while trying to still be good for my aunt who always pushed me to be better. You it was she her tactics are really funny. She would always be like, um, you all man telling you what to do when you grow up, telling you you can't go here and there. And I'd be like, no. Well, you better get your education. You better get your education so you can make your own money so no man can tell you what to do. And that is something that I just stuck with me. You know, um, a lot of the times when my dad got better, he would come back into my life and be very active in my sport. And he would always say to me, Did you train hard? And I said, Yeah. Did you give it your best? I say, Yes, dad, I did. Okay, so whatever the outcome is today, just know that you gave it your best. So you shouldn't be disappointed if anything else happened. All you need to know is you need to work harder to gain the trophy. And I said, Okay, no problem. And then I just ended up training hard being the best because I always wanted to get my best. I always want to give my best at training. Did I train hard? No. Did I lose because I uh took off the week last week? Probably. I hated failing. Um he always told me, You need to be better than me. Whatever you do with your life, you always need to be better than me. And I wanted to be better. But while I was succeeding in sport and I always had quite good grades as well. Um in the middle I was in fights. Um, I was always drinking, you know, sneaking out. And um a lot of parents didn't want their kids around me because of they just knew I was bad. Um and things just happened. By the age of 15, my grandmother got tired of me being rude and she kicked me out. So thinking how big a woman I packed, two transport bag, because you know that was the style back in the day. Um, I took a bus. And went to town. I stayed with the aunt who was pushing me in school and, you know, to be independent. But, you know, her herself, like, she can only do what she can do. You know, I she lived in a studio in town. Not the best area in town. And it just got too tight for us. So I just went to stay with a friend. And then I was just on that friend's couch for like six months until I moved in with another aunt. And when I moved in with that aunt, I got sick. I got no, sorry. I moved in with that aunt. I went away to Canada. And then I came back with tuberculosis. I brought tuberculosis to the island. Wow. And got like a bunch of people sick because I was just always out, you know. And that's when my career went down. After I got out the hospital, I went back to college. And about two a month into college and being back into the real world, I got a call from a detective asking me if I knew this person that they arrested. And I was like, Yeah, that person is my friend. What happened? And they were like, Oh, I need you to come in. They realized I was underage, so I had to wait for my grandma to get there. And that's when they told me basically, like, this person that we arrested have been drugging me and other girls and sexually assaulting us. So this person is a friend, a family friend, but doing this. And I kid you not, like, I went down a dark path after that. Just partying all the time, drinking all the time, fighting all the time, getting arrested. I was just out of it. And because I wasn't giving my body time to recover from the tuberculosis, I just kept getting sick. So I was back in and out of the hospital. Stayed locked up for three, three weeks, come back out. A month later, come back for two weeks, come back out. So that was like my cycle for about two years. Um, and then starting the job to job hunt, and then led me to real estate, and then I realized I needed help. And I called Alex Pountin Foundation, the helpline. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And no one answered at first, and then someone called me back, and then I just broke down because I couldn't talk to my family about anything. Anytime that I brought it up, it was said, Oh, you haven't gotten over that yet. How is that something that you get over? You I got myself help and I got and I was okay. And then years down the line, uh-huh, when COVID came out. I caught COVID like four times back to back to back because remember, I have a lung problem. Tuberculosis ate my lungs, so I have scarred lungs.

unknown 25:09

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 25:09

So I get bronchitis really easily. Like, that's why I do my best not to get sick, because I get really bad. So I got sick and I went to the hospital, and all of us had on our masks. And I remember seeing this person, like everybody masks, so you can't see their faces. But I remember seeing this person, like they have like these dope tennis shoes on. You know, I said to myself, wow, those are some nice tennis shoes. And my dad said he were was gonna go somewhere real quick and come back. Don't know what he was gonna go for. And I said, okay, no problem. I kid you not, two seconds later, I had somebody in my face telling me, Chiara, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for what I've done to you. I never got an opportunity to tell you how sorry I am. And it then I realized it was my abuser in my face. Coincidentally, that same day, he got escorted from the prison to the hospital because he had some medical something. And I was there that same day in the same department. And the prison officer just looked at him and was like, I was so in shock. I could, I couldn't move. I was standstill, I couldn't speak. That's the first time in my life where I stood speechless. And the prison officer just said, You don't recognize who you are, let's go. And they just walked away and disappeared behind the double doors. I call, I pick up the phone to call my dad, and I said, I need you to come back. I thought I was speaking clearly, he didn't understand me. He wasn't understanding me. He y'all he was like, Well, I don't understand you. What are you saying? I can't understand you. He's like, I'm coming back now, I'm coming back now. And I just collapsed. And these nurses came to me, these people came to me, and it was a commotion. After leaving the I I couldn't even go through with my doing my X-ray, I had to leave. My dad looked at me and said, Do you want to go by the bar and have a drink? And they said, No, I just need to go home. I want to go home. I want to go in my room and lock myself in. I called the helpline again, and a therapist called, and I was able to go and see her right away. I didn't drink for about three months. I think that really built my character as well because I didn't turn to like drugs or alcohol or partying like what I was used to. I didn't want to numb it. I really wanted to go through it.

SPEAKER_01 27:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:47

It took me about seven, eight months to kind of build myself up again. And then that same year, it happened in March. In that same year, November, he was eligible for early release. So he applied for early release, and I got contacted by the parole officer if I would like to address the court. And it just life has a weird way of making you strong. I wasn't designed to make it out of Belford. That community isn't designed for kids to make it out, to make it into society. And I just wanted different, so I made sure I did different. Thank God I had people like my coach Derek, his wife Laura, now later on, Roger. He's like, I'm there. No questions asked. You don't have to explain any further than you want to. Just know I'm there if you need me. And he was there every single time. And I needed that. I didn't know I needed that, but I needed that. Because my family, I can't even blame them because they don't understand it. That's the community that we live in. Why we won't talk about our problems? Why do we want people to know our business?

SPEAKER_02 29:07

Yeah. Sorry, I'm just thank you.

SPEAKER_00 29:14

So when I said I lived a life for just being 27, I mean I sure did because it all just hit me bat to bat to bat to bat to bat. But during these times where all these things were hitting me back to back, in between, I was I was growing because I didn't realize it at the time, but I was making decisions for myself that was making my mental strength stronger. Um, not turning to alcohol when that happened, not turning to alcohol again when it happened later on in the same year. Instead, I instead I made the mature decision to, I'm gonna go to therapy. Yeah. I'm gonna go and talk to somebody who doesn't know me at all and really get through this. Yeah. And it worked. I went to therapy for about a year, and every year, late November, early December, I get that email. He's eligible for early release. He's made, you know, requested it. Do you want to address the court? Every year, like clockwork. But this year was the first year that I realized I could do it. I felt different this time around. And I don't know if it's because I had a daughter. I don't know what it is, but I felt stronger this time for sure. And I didn't have to call my therapist. I was okay. I handled it, went back to work, went back to love with my family, moved on. Yeah. And this happens so much in our community.

SPEAKER_03 30:55

Yeah, it does. And some of them, you know, like some people never address it. It never gets to that point where they're put away, you know. Um, and I open up to you a bit about my story. Um, where, you know, I was abused by two different people for a series of years. Um, never told anybody until adulthood. And even when I did that, it was because I was being pushed from God. I would have I would have left that there my whole life. I would have left that there because of the same thing. It's like well, why need to talk to Anabody? You know, like you gotta be strong, you don't gotta deal with, you know, like you you don't need to go take this to anybody, you just keep it inside. And the minute I told my family and I started to heal, like, man, like I didn't realize how much it had even formed who I was. Like it it formed the way how I acted, the the way I dressed. And man, even before I started healing, I remember I had just just given up alcohol. I just lost a taste for it. And I remember two years later, I thanked God because had I kept drinking during that phase of my life, I could have become an alcoholic because of the amount of pain I was feeling. And even in terms of the therapy helped tremendously, and it was Alex Martin who helped me out with that as well. But one of them, it was just so bad, and it was so fresh, and it was so graphic that like my mind didn't want to take me there. I couldn't address it. So I the last step for me was going to something that my church has calls called encounter. And it's literally you go there and you encounter God. It's three days, it can be intense. Um, some people they're fine. Um, me was very intense, and literally Jesus walked me through that because I thought I was stuck there. I remember how defeated I felt. Like, man, I never gonna make it past this.

SPEAKER_00 33:06

But we're not even like told the signs, like sometimes we don't even know that we're even being abused because we just don't know the signs, or we know we feel some type of way, but oh I'm told not to speak about it. We don't want people in our business, so we just leave it as is.

SPEAKER_03 33:23

Yeah, and I think that's why we're having this conversation because it ends now. Yeah, like this isn't something that that is gonna continue. Like, we're we need to talk about it because it's not okay when it happens. Stop telling your child to be quiet about it, stop telling even the adults who finally open up to be quiet about it. No, like we need to talk about it so that these things stop happening. Because now, again, like over and over and over, the blame goes to the victim in the sense of you can't talk about it, victim. But how do you express to ever figure out who who the abuser is if we never discuss this? The signs, the things that happened, you know. And by the time I learned that it was wrong, by the time I learned that it was already happening. So now in my mind as a child, oh, that's wrong. Okay, it's wrong. So if I say something, I'm gonna get in trouble. That was my child mindset. Yeah. So I didn't say anything because I was gonna get beat.

SPEAKER_00 34:22

That's exactly how it works. So you're absolutely right. When you opened up to me yesterday, and you know, I said, I thank you for opening up to me, but I am honestly not surprised. I'm sorry that happened to you, and I don't want it happening to females. I was seen as a just a horrible child. Nobody took time to say, let me see what's wrong with this child. Nobody. I just had to go through it doing whatever, and I didn't know any better. I was a child. It was only until I met my coach when I was like 12, 13, where he started putting like, he was in the military, so he started putting like real structure on our team. That's when he started inviting kids from private school to run with us. So then I started seeing a different life of living in K-Man than what I was used to. I was used to police being in my neighborhood every day of the weekend. Where these other kids and I go by their house and they're like jumping in a pool all happy on a Saturday evening. But I think it's so important for people to if you see something, just ask the person if they're okay. You okay? You do you need my help? Yeah, if and then they'll be like, no, or I don't I'm not sure. Well, that's okay. You want to talk about it first? And then we can decide from there. We need more of that.

SPEAKER_03 36:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:01

We need I'm so tired of that, just a bad child.

SPEAKER_03 36:04

That's so true.

SPEAKER_00 36:05

Yeah, I'm so tired of it.

SPEAKER_03 36:07

Yeah, that's true. So that is like a good like action point. Like, if you see a child who's lashing out and acting out, take the time to talk to them because that's exactly what happened to me. I became very angry. Um, I started to enter really bad relationships, abusive relationships. But on a whole, like I remember my parents talking about how angry I was as a kid. I just had a bad temper. That's all they would say.

SPEAKER_00 36:33

The signs are there. You see, because our stories sound so similar, maybe not the same way, but there are very much similarities.

SPEAKER_03 36:43

You start to lash out.

SPEAKER_00 36:46

Not just a bad kid. I'm just going through something that you guys not understanding.

SPEAKER_03 36:51

Yeah. And we don't even understand. We don't understand, you don't understand. Now everybody confused. Yeah. So having a conversation, like if you see that, you just go talk to them.

SPEAKER_00 37:05

I just think everything that I've been through, first it drived me to be like the best real estate agent ever. I worked with some disgusting people where I said, I don't want to be nothing like them. I just want to be the better version of myself. It wasn't about the money for me. It was just about being better every single time. And by me wanting to be better, that helped me build my foundation. It turned from that to, I want to educate Caymanians to buy in real estate. Then I went from that to I want to educate Caymanians to get into real estate to just getting more into like, I want to start speaking about this and protecting our youth and our kids growing up in our community. Like, it just kept evolving. And I my life has definitely made me evolve to who I am now. I never want to go back to who I was. There's some times where I get upset, and you know, you have that little snippet in your mind, like, ooh, if I could just punch that person in the face. You know what I mean? You get you meet those people where you like, you don't know who I used to be. I just want to punch you in the throat. But it makes you a stronger person just walking away. Correct. Because if that person that they want a reaction out of you, yeah. Just walk away. Don't make them get the best of you, trust me, and they be trying.

SPEAKER_03 38:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:38

But makes you it builds your character every single day. Yeah. Any interns I have, I ask them, what you want to do with your life? You want to live like this or you wanna live like that? I want to live like this. Okay. So what you have to do to get there.

SPEAKER_03 38:53

And life is a series of choices. And if there's anything that your story has showed, it is choices. Yeah. You could either choose this part or this one. Which one are you gonna be? And it's just today it's just one choice, and then tomorrow it's the next one, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day.

SPEAKER_00 39:10

But with that being said, I don't want to be BSing anyone. I made a lot of mistakes on this journey. I still make mistakes. So I'm not perfect. There are many things that I go through where I not myself like, trust me, I make mistakes. So it's okay to fall down. But as long as you get right back up, yeah, I promise you, that feeling that you feel in for that first day is the worst feeling. Then it gets easier. You just have to go through that one horrible day for whatever you're going through in that moment, and then it gets easier. Oh, but Kiara, what if six months down the line I go through this? You're only gonna feel bad for that one horrible day, and then it gets easier. So if you think about it like that, go through it, cry, yell, do what you need to do, but just know it's that one day is the worst day that you feel that pain.

unknown 40:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:07

You can grow from this, and it will make you better if you make the right choices. It's us versus sorry, it's me versus me. It's you versus you. At the end of the day, that's what it comes down to.

SPEAKER_02 40:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:20

Because Roger can't pull me back out of a hole. My grandmother can't come pull me back out of the hole. If I won't lay here and cry about it, I'm gonna lay here and cry. I'll say, Chiara, get up. Moving on, let's go. We got things to do.

SPEAKER_03 40:35

Yeah, yeah. But thank you. Thank you for that. That was powerful, man, Chiara.

SPEAKER_00 40:41

Powerful, but but I think your prayer must have I don't know, because I've never spoken to anyone about this at all. And for some reason, I feel very comfortable speaking with you.

SPEAKER_03 40:54

Yeah, thank you. That's that's that's not me. That's God. Like, that's not me. I'm just here being the the vessel, like just for whatever he wants, you know, and like I said, we've been in silence. This not just this island, but many cultures have been in silence for far too long. Um, and it's time for us to end it now. Yeah, yeah, and it starts here, and it starts with each and every one of us who've gone through that, unfortunately, to start speaking up about it. Um, but if there's anything else, anything that's heavily on your heart that is like, man, if I leave here, like I gonna kick myself if I don't say this, like anything at all.

SPEAKER_00 41:40

Um, no, I mean I know what I need to do to improve myself. I just hope the viewers viewing this get some sort of inspiration to know, okay. Well, now I need to figure out what I need to do to push myself further now. Because I know what I need to do for me. Now you need to figure out what you need to do for you.

SPEAKER_03 42:00

Yeah, correct. Correct.

SPEAKER_00 42:03

People are here to help talk. You want to talk, reach out, you want to hang out, reach out, whatever it is, reach out. Yeah, but you need to do the groundwork for you. At the end of the day, it wasn't a therapist reaching out to me, it was me making that call to the therapist instead of going to the bar. It's decisions like that that us as individuals need to start taking and taking accountability when we do and don't. Kind of helps us for the next time.

SPEAKER_03 42:29

Yeah, accountability. Thank you, Chiara. Thank you for coming. Thank you for sharing, thank you for opening up, thank you for your wisdom, your insight. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 42:39

And thank you as well. This is this was a lot, but in a good way. Yeah, in a good way. So invest small. It don't matter where you come from, it only matters where you're going.

SPEAKER_01 42:51

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:53

As you heard on today's episode, Chiara took a very brave first step in reaching out for help. She did so through the Alex Planton Foundation, and we are so grateful for all of the work that they have been doing in this community. What I really want to do is reassure you to trust that he who started a good work in you will carry it through to completion. And also that what the enemy meant for evil, God can always use it for good. I always knew you went for lunch, but I could never I could never imagine Shamila, she was she was. A great facilitator when I opened up because I told her the same thing. Like, I told her how much anxiety I had the day before and stuff, and you know, after the show, we spoke about it too. And I was like, now you all know why I had so much anxiety, you know. Cause I think, um, even with me opening up to a few people privately, they've gone and got help, they've gone to therapy now. They didn't know APF did the whole financing thing, they started getting financing, you know. So during that time I had PTSD. I didn't even know that's what it was. I thought PTSD would be just for veterans or something. So once I like went through the therapy, that helped me a lot. So I even in terms of it's real, man. Getting into dating, bro, you could I could brought in poor men. Like them poor men, I would walk all over them, like literally. And finally I was able to date in like a healthy way. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:59

Everything you say, I I guess I've never talked to anyone in depth about this, how what I've gone through, the way how we've been talking about it. And it's funny because the longest relationship I've ever been in is with Scott. This is the longest relationship I've ever been in. We're going three years summer this year. Every everyone else I dated before, I break up with them before a year. I was like, no, you put no, excuse me, thank you, next. Like, no, I I had commitment issues. I couldn't commit.

SPEAKER_03 45:27

I still say like I was single for five years. It's not like if I didn't try, like I tried dating, but it just did not work.

SPEAKER_00 45:33

Like two weeks, and I'm like, Yeah, no, no, you mentioned it's some things that you just have to look in within self because we think okay, we just get over it and then move on, and it's really not how it works. You don't know some nights you wake up with cold sweats from a bad dream, like you might see someone that look like that person, like so many things, so many triggers. Yeah, that's true. I wish K-Man had like something like this for women to talk about experiences. But all I know is I feel good like sharing stories because hearing your similar stories and me thinking it's comforting in a way, like, okay, it wasn't just me. Like I feel that comfort hearing you say, Well, that sounds messed up. No, no, but hearing you saying that you had PTSD, it gives me comfort because I'm like, that wasn't just me then. Yeah, you know what I mean. So I think we need like that group.