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The Table of Grace Podcast
Where every woman has a seat, every story matters, and Jesus is always at the center.
At The Table of Grace, we believe in creating open space for women to gather—no matter their background, season, or story, to encounter biblical truth that speaks into real life. Through honest conversations, faith-filled stories, and practical encouragement, our mission is to help women grow in their relationship with Jesus, live boldly in their calling, and stay rooted in purpose, right where God has them. Because at His table, there’s always a seat for you.
The Table of Grace Podcast
Navigating Grief During The Holidays
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Grief has a way of making the holidays louder—the empty chair, the quiet phone, the tradition that now feels like a gap. With licensed clinical social worker Mandy Young, we talk candidly about why this season magnifies loss and how to face it with a plan rooted in compassion, faith, and rest. Instead of forcing yourself to “be strong” or attempting to skip December entirely, we explore a gentler path that honors love and creates space for both tears and tenderness.
Mandy introduces the idea of dosing your grief: small, intentional moments to feel and remember so the emotions don’t crash without warning. We unpack her ocean analogy, where early grief feels like riptides and later like shifting waves at your feet. Because holidays are predictable waves, Christmas Eve, church services, family meals, New Year’s, you can prepare with lower expectations, shorter visits, delegated tasks, scheduled breaks, and a friend on standby. We also name what helps and what hurts. Retire the clichés and anything that starts with “at least.” Choose presence over fixing. Say their person’s name. Meet simple needs: trash to the curb, mail collected, tissues and groceries, fresh pajamas, a reminder to shower and eat.
On the faith side, we offer realistic ways to connect with God when focus is hard: listen to Scripture, lean on worship, borrow hope from a friend whose faith is steady, and remember that Jesus modeled rest and limits. Therapy, prayer, and Jesus belong together; feeling distant does not mean God is distant. If you’re grieving, assign roles to your people, a friend for fun, another for deep talk, someone for logistics, and ask specifically for what you need.
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Welcome And Guest Introduction
SPEAKER_00Welcome to the Table of Grace podcast, where every woman has a seat. Every story matters, and Jesus is always at the center. We're here to create space for real conversations and faith-filled stories that help you grow in your walk with Jesus. So grab your favorite cup of coffee and pull up a chair. Because at his table, there's always a seat for you.
SPEAKER_03Welcome back to the Table of Grace podcast. I am Tessa and I am here with a sweet friend of mine, Mandy Young. And before I share all the great things about her, I'll let her share about herself and all the things that you do and specialize in.
SPEAKER_04I'd
Mandy’s Background And Mission
SPEAKER_04love to hear. Yeah, so I am Mandy Young. I'm an LCSW. I have been around and in the practice since about 2007. I am from Jonesboro area. Grew up in a small town of Caraway. Met my husband. He is from Carlisle. And so two very small towns. And we both went to A State for our undergrad. And then after that, I went and I received a master's degree from UALR in Little Rock. I have worked in a plethora of fields in the social work and mental health fields. So I've been in both veteran and civilian hospital settings. And then also on the front end of creating a lot of new programs. So things that are, I'm going to say niches, is grief-specific needs and providing services to those that typically do not reach out for help has been kind of my uh underlying agenda. Yeah. And also a prayer that has drastically been answered throughout my years in practice of really meeting people that you wouldn't typically see going to therapy. I end up in my office. So uh it's a pretty cool uh scenario there.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, no, I love
Why Holidays Intensify Grief
SPEAKER_03that. And I I actually got to see you in live in action, and it was during a situation that happened this past year, and you were just up talking to a bunch of college students and talking to them about grief and in this beautiful gospel lens, and I remember just like sitting in the back like crying because it just touched me in a way that it's like, wow, like Mandy has this amazing gift. Um, and so when everything was rolling out with this podcast, um, I was talking to a few people, I was like, I gotta get Mandy to talk about grief during the holidays because I think it's such obviously a lot of people talk about it, but I think it's so important to have this biblical, spiritual, even gospel lens alongside what you specialize in, and like talk about what that looks like, feels like because I think so many people are walking around and walking into this holiday season, you know, or just post-Thanksgiving, going into Christmas, and they're just heavy, you know, like it's just it's been a maybe been a heavy year. It's been, I feel like so many years are just like there are heavy things, there are good things, and there's just a mix of emotion going into the holidays, lost family members, first Christmases without them. Like there's just so many things that we bring into it. Um, and I'd love for you to kind of talk about um how this holiday season can bring up all those emotions, joy, pain, and why do you think the holidays often intensify grief in that?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_04So holidays is one of those things everyone kind of looks forward to a holiday season, but for different reasons, and it just magnifies what's already there.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_04So it makes that empty seat at the table more apparent. Yeah. Because everyone is supposed to be gathered and there's the one person missing. Right. Um, and I think that holidays are also built around so many traditions, memories, meals, togetherness, and the absence is just extremely huge. It is truly magnified. Um, and so those that we love, their absence is even more noticeable because we just crave for them to come through the door. Right. We crave for that text to come through and say, on my way, run in late, because that's what they've always done. Yeah. And those calls, the text, the door opening is not them anymore.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And sometimes it's not even the adults. It's, you know, loss of children or even a loss of pregnancy. Those things are very real because the moment you have somebody that you love attached in your mind and in your heart, and they are no longer a part of the equation, you always remember them with each passing milestone, with each passing holiday, birthday, anniversary. You count on how old would they be today? Yeah. Where would we be at school? What would we be doing? And so all ages grieve and we also grieve all ages. Yeah. And so I think that it's just magnified and and really intensified by the holidays because of that togetherness aspect.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, no, I totally agree with that. I think there's uh one thing that we all have in common is that we have more than likely lost someone um close to us or even I mean what you even mentioned pregnancy loss or loss of a child, like there's so much in that um that you could just sit and unpack forever. Um, but I think uh there's probably so many people listening that are, you know, experiencing that grief, whether it's for the first time in the holiday season or for the 25th time, you know, like there's so many different things that come up during this time of year.
First Steps: Dosing Your Grief
SPEAKER_03Um I would love for you to even talk to that person that is maybe either newly experiencing grief or maybe has never just like even faced their grief head on, you know, and they're they're they're they just catch themselves every holiday season feeling so sad and overwhelmed and they they don't know how to push either not really the push through isn't the word, but like how to find joy in the midst of the grief. Um I'd love for you to talk to that person and what are some maybe gentle first steps you recommend?
SPEAKER_04One of the things I encourage people often is dose your grief. And by that, it's just like dosing Tylenol, right? You don't take a whole lot at one time, you space it out according to the directions. And so with our grief, um, for young families specifically, they want to just keep going. They cram pack their schedules, they don't take a break from activities, they go, go, go, go, go, and then holidays come and they don't really feel present. They um are distracted, they're overwhelmed, they're overstimulated. There's a lot of things going on, and we don't take the time to dose the grief. And so I think, you know, practically we need to sit with our grief periodically, whether that is weekly or daily. Yeah. Um, and that's where everybody is very unique on what works for them.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04But sitting in it is very important. Feeling it is very important. And we have to do that in microdoses because we do have other things going on in life. Right. Whether it's your own health that you need to address, a job that you have to attend, um, paying your bills, taking trash out, tending to the needs of kiddos, whatever that is, you have things in life to continue to do, but we need to find the balance of stopping and feeling. So just like you do with a friend and saying, Hey, how are you? You need to stop and take a minute, look yourself in the mirror and say, Hey, how are you? Yeah. And then let yourself be real. Be real with the emotion that comes. Um, now some people will say, now if I start it, it won't stop.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Like what happens when I can't rein it back in?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And it gets better and easier the more you practice dosing. And so a lot of times I say, you know, find that spot, whether it's, you know, a certain chair or a certain place that you can just be real. Um, set a timer if you need to, that something that actually jumps you out of it and makes you get back up. Right. Because we don't want to sit and sulk and we don't want it to dominate us because there is other parts of life.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Um, but we do not need to just rush through and avoid. And so I think starting small, give yourself, you know, a little bit of time to check in, let yourself feel, let yourself look through photos or videos or whatever that is, and then asking your friends and family to step in and help you, right? If you need somebody to check in and make sure you made it to work that day, that's okay to say, hey, keep me accountable. Don't let me just, you know, rot away in bed. Um and then also just giving yourself permission to lower your expectations. Um, I think for the first holidays, everybody tries to keep things normal. A lot of people try to keep things normal.
SPEAKER_03It's almost like overwhelming if it's not normal. Yes. Yeah, it's like a whole thing.
SPEAKER_04Yes. But then they don't remember the holidays at all. Yes. They come back in my office and they're like, yeah, I have no idea. I just survived it. That's usually the number one thing people say, I just survived, I just got through it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Um, a lot of times people want to skip the holidays, act like they never happened, um, avoid them altogether. Um, it just is going to look different. And so I think the expectations have to be weighed. If you've been the host all these years, maybe this is not the year to host. Right. Um, maybe you're not the prime cook this year. Let everybody else take take on that responsibility to give you a break. And so I think just looking at our expectations and our ability, um, people don't equate how much energy grief takes. And you know, a lot a common thing people say all the time is I'm just so tired. But it's that emotional and mental tired, not physical tired. Right. And it's okay to take the nap. It's okay
Ocean Waves Analogy And Planning
SPEAKER_04to give yourself those breaks and the rest. If you used to stay four hours somewhere, this year you may only stay an hour. Right. Like, really give yourself permission that I need the break. And I don't have to do it the same way it's always been done.
SPEAKER_03No, that's good. I I love that. And I think that probably I and what I hope that does is the people that are listening almost here's your permission slip, you know, to do things. It's okay to do things differently. It's okay for things to be different, it's okay to feel all the things, it's okay to sit in that, and it's okay to, you know, create boundaries for yourself that are healthy and that create space and give you the space that you need to process and and move through the holiday season where you can find joy in these in these moments alongside the grief. Something that you mentioned, um, and I love the analogy. Um, and I I don't know if I'm sure you probably heard it somewhere else too, but you said it and I was like, Oh, that's so good. And you're talking about how grief is like the ocean. And sometimes um it's always at our sometimes it's at our feet and it's just like sitting there and you can kind of it's very calm and it's just like right there. You you notice it, but it's not like overwhelming. And then sometimes it's like you know, the waves are just like hitting you in the face and you're like you're just tumbling through um the water. And I was like, oh my gosh, that is so good. Because I I love that picture and I I honestly use it a lot if I'm ever talking about grief. Um obviously I'm not a special any kind of specialized in anything, but I'm like I always use that analogy. I'm like, oh my gosh, that's such a good analogy, and um I think that's so applicable during the holidays too. It's like I feel like you have more of those heavy crashing waves because of the things that these the holidays do bring up.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. So one of the things I like to use in regards to the the wave analogy in the holidays and linking those together is grief is like the ocean. So especially in those very early weeks or months, it feels like you can't stand up, you can't get out from under that tidal wave. Um, and then you gain your footing and you can stand and it's still trickling, it's still there, it may be up to your knees, it may be at your ankles, some days a little easier to walk than others. But with holidays, as long as we're not cramming our schedule so full that we're avoiding and we're ignoring, we can see the wave coming. Yeah. We know Thanksgiving's coming, we know Christmas Eve is coming, we know Christmas Day is coming, we know certain church services are coming, we know certain gatherings are coming, we know a new year is coming. That flip over of a calendar to a new year in grief is a big deal. We can set and ignore it, act like they're not coming and be caught off guard and waylaid by the wave. Right. Or we can have a plan and we can adjust and give ourselves a little bit of that wiggle room of let mys let myself have a break, let me check on me, let me rest a little more, let me delegate or ask for help, let me feel how I need to feel and not have guilt over it and not feel like I'm being judged because I'm not, you know, the same way I've always been. And so I think being aware that there are tidal waves that hit us out of the blue.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04It's seeing a vehicle that reminds you of them, it's smelling them walking down the aisle at Kroger. It's, you know, thinking you caught a glimpse of them, it's a dream you've had, it's, you know, somebody calling and telling you something, it's something that it comes in the mail for them and they're not here anymore. Those you cannot expect. You don't know they're there. Right. And those can knock us down. But holidays we can prepare for, we know they're coming. So take time to give yourself permission to have a schedule. Yeah. And some of that means breaks. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Lots of breaks. Lots of breaks. And I think that's hard too, because like as women specifically who are listening mostly listening to this podcast, I think we are we don't allow ourselves to have the breaks. Like we're like, well, who's gonna do it? You know, who's gonna do the Black Friday shopping? Who's gonna put all the Christmas decor decorations up? Who's gonna do that?
Rest, Rhythms, And Jesus’ Example
SPEAKER_03And I think it's just important for us to remember, and also in like a a biblical lens is to look at and rest in who Jesus is and and to really abide to him in in that and rest in who he is and just lean into that, yeah, that biblical and that holy peace that he offers us, even in the midst of grief. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Not just in grief, but in in many applications of women's lives, uh, I often reference um the book Ruthless Elimination of Hurry. I love John Mark Comer. I was just thinking about him this morning. Yes, it's wonderful. I I recommend everyone read it. Um earmark the pieces you want your husband or your boyfriends to read because you want help applying it. Yeah, it's good. Um it is good, and I think you know, if you if you reference that, you know, Jesus was a very on-demand kind of guy. And his name had to have been hollered more than any of ours. Yeah. Even when you think of the amount of times you heard mama over and over. Like, I can only imagine Jesus heard his name being yelled out repetitively, but he still took time to retreat alone. Yep. He still took time to rest. Yep. And my challenge is for everyone to figure out how many naps Jesus takes in the Bible. It is scriptural. That's good. It is scriptural. You gotta take a breath.
SPEAKER_03Jesus took a nap. Even yeah, I think that's good. Yeah, I come back and leave a comment on how many naps he took. We'll see who we'll see who wins. He gets it right. Um, I think that's good. No, I think, yes, Jesus models that, and I always um there's a few people in my life that remind me, and when I look at their lives, whether it's past mentors or people I know now and live life with, they just like live on Jesus' time and they live in this rhythm of um just walking in a way that's interruptible. You know, like this just this demeanor of them where they can just walk and oh, someone's coming up to talk to me. I'm gonna take my I'm gonna take time, not rush through it and like sit and be with them. And in the midst of grief in the holidays, I think that we can almost take on that posture of Jesus and and and learn how to rest and take a nap, even in the midst of a storm, literally. Um, and know that you know God is still sovereign and God is still in control um in the midst of our circumstances and and the joy that we can find at that is that here home, like this is not our home, you know. And we can I think it's such a reassurance to know the people that I know that have passed on that know Jesus are they're in a in such a better place now. Um and also that what a cool homecoming that's gonna be. And so I think like I found a lot of joy and hope in that. Obviously, there's still grief in the midst of it. Um, but I think it's it's just so good to be able to cling to the character and the the joy that is Jesus in salvation and all the reassurances that we have in him and who he is, um, even as we navigate these hard things and hard seasons. Um I'd love to also ask you, you know, as we are talking about all the different things, um what would you suggest if you we
What Helps And What Hurts To Say
SPEAKER_03see someone that might be walking through grief? You know, um they look like they're really heavy, that we know that they've lost someone, we know that they're experiencing heaviness and grief during this holiday season. Um how what would be some advice on ways to support them that are helpful and and unhelpful? Because I feel like I know a lot of times, personally speaking, I just want to fix it, you know, I just want to take it away, like let's I'm like the one that's initiating the distractions, you know, like and I'm like, let's do this, and like let's do that, and like let's keep busy so like you don't think about it. And so how can we in a way that is helpful, and even what are some ways that are unhelpful that we might not need to do? What does that look like in supporting someone who's grieving? Yeah.
SPEAKER_04So I would say I'm gonna start with the unhelpful because this might step on some toes, but if I I can wrap it back around to the helpful thing.
SPEAKER_03Yes, that's good. That's good.
SPEAKER_04Um something that a lot of my clients, especially believers, um, cannot stand that other believers say is um God wouldn't give you anything bigger than what he knew you could handle.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's it.
SPEAKER_04They don't like it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Because, you know, many of them want to say, so you see me sobbing in the shower, so you see me having trouble going to work, you see you like this is more than I can handle. Yeah. And the Lord doesn't promise to not give us more than we can handle. Right. That's not scriptural. Yeah. It makes maybe the person saying it feel better.
SPEAKER_03Right. It's like a band-aid of like, well, I don't know what else to say, so I'm gonna say this.
SPEAKER_04Yes, and and it really isn't, it's not doing anyone any good. So taking that just that completely out of your vocabulary, yeah, not giving them anything that's a false information. Yeah, it it makes them feel discounted. Right. Um pushing them to be strong or move on. We just gotta move on, you gotta be strong. Some of the strongest people I have ever met are the most vulnerable and the most, I would say, exuberant in how they express their emotions. Yeah. Because they are brave enough to say it and feel it and do it, even if it's not among a lot of people, it's with those that are trusted, um, and maybe even in a quiet space, but they are vulnerable. And that is also what gets us to just deep rooted relationships because we can be raw and real. Right. And so being strong in um our southern um culture isn't really encouraging to them at all. Really, what that's telling them is be quiet, get it together, go over there, your grief's too big for me. And do you really want to say that? Right. Yeah, right. This is where it steps on toe. Um, minimizing their loss with phrases that start with, at least. Yeah, that's hard. Don't do it. Don't do it. I have heard so many widows say, Well, at least you're still young, you can still meet someone. At least you can still have other children. At least you have other children. At least you fill in the blank, but they are hard, hard, hard comments for a grieving person. It and it's not beneficial, right? It's really making you look pretty pitiful in their eyes. They're not gonna trust you, most likely. There's gonna have to be a lot of repair done in that relationship or friendship. Yeah. Um, so don't minimize their loss. Um, and another component of that is don't compare the loss of, you know, their theirs isn't any bigger or smaller than anyone else's. It is their unique journey. Yeah. Um, and then expecting people to celebrate and participate in all these things the way they always have, those expectations need to be changed. They need to be altered. And so, practical, helpful things that that can help with that is asking, what can you tolerate? Do you want any task or do you want us to take it all away? You tell me, right? Um, sit with people. My number one recommendation when I get cons like, hey, so-and-so has this loss, I'm headed over, what can I do? Sit.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Just be present, be present, and don't fix it. Yeah. Listen. That's hard. It is so hard. But if you sit, they may tell a funny story and then they may tell when that they're sobbing and you didn't catch but every third word. Right. Um, they may just need somebody to sit and just breathe.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Literally just sit beside somebody shoulder to shoulder and let them breathe. Um, just sit without trying to fix. Um, use their person's name. Use the loved one's name. So if they lost, you know, their their child or their mom or their dad or their spouse, speak their name. Yeah. They don't want their name to go unsaid. Yeah. They want them remembered. Share the stories. Um, practical things, this this even can be applied if you have a
Practical Support For Grieving Friends
SPEAKER_04neighbor. Maybe you're not super close. It's not that relationship where you can go sit on the couch and let them cry into you. Right. Um, but you know, because they are your neighbor when their trash friends. Yeah. When you go get your mail, pick their mail up, take it in for them, set it, give it to them, set it aside, um, take their trash to the road, take the trash back, um, restock their toilet paper and paper towels. I mean, those are very practical ways that you can truly help someone. Um, you know, I remember during the loss that that you referenced earlier, uh, I remember calling a friend and was like, they said, what do they need? And I said, somebody needs to go get chicken and sanitizing wipes and uh Kleenex. Okay. Yeah, okay. I can do that. Sure, yeah. And they were like, that's it. And I'm like, that's what you need to do. Like, yeah, you know, I think that we forget that the basic needs really do matter. Yeah. And sometimes those get forgotten. Right. And so if it is someone that you are a little bit closer to, simply asking, have you washed your face today? Right. Go take a shower. Yep. Take it, take a minute, change clothes. You don't have to get out of pajamas, but we are gonna change pajamas today. Yeah, right. Giving them something to get through the day. Yeah. Right? Yeah, that's it. The meals and the cows girls are fine, but most grieving people do not have an appetite. Right. No one wants to eat. Yeah. No one wants to eat. They need to eat something, make it simple and keep it simple in that regard. Um, you know, I think that we as adults make grief awkward.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Where kids are really set the example of how it should work. Because they will speak the person's name. They aren't afraid to say, hey, so and so died. Um, and they use the words correctly. Yeah. Where a lot of times we mask it. And so speak truth, but speak clearly. Yeah. Um, and then have the proper expectations for that.
SPEAKER_03That's good. No, I love that. And I love you mentioned the unhelpful things and the helpful things. I think that's so that is actually really helpful to know like what what can we, what do we not need to say? Because I think oftentimes the the problem is that we don't know what to say. So it's just kind of like a foot and mouth moment. I know I've even caught myself even prior to saying something, thank the Lord for the Holy Spirit, because most of the time he like throws a hand over my mouth, like, don't say it, don't say it. Think about it before you say it, or just don't say anything and just listen. Um, and I think we even see that in scripture where it says to be slow to speak, quick to listen. And um, I think that's uh easy applicable practice that we can do um in the midst of walking along someone who is grieving. Um and even, you know, if you are someone that is grieving, you're listening to this, make make sure you tell the people in your life like that's not helpful. Or, you know, this is it's really helpful if you could just sit here. If you're able to even process that and get that out, I think it is helpful to share with those close in your life what is helpful and what is not helpful to you. Um, because that does kind of set the tone of like, okay, well, I didn't I didn't know that, or like, you know, I didn't know that that was hurtful. Or um, and I think having those open and vulnerable conversations are are so helpful in the midst of the holidays too.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, absolutely. And I think that I I try to equip my clients, I would hope that they say that I equip them to be able to tell others what they need because they do become the grief expert. They've lived it and they are living it currently.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And so if they can find the words to ask for help, and it it shows up in a phone call and somebody saying, Hey, I'm gonna get off here, I'm running into Walmart, and they say, Can you pick something up for me?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Most of the time, friends and family wanna do those things, they just don't know what you need.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_04So let them help, right? Or if somebody says, Hey, I'm making fudge for party tomorrow, can you make two? And I'll take that to my family gathering.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's good.
SPEAKER_04Right? Go ahead and ask for the things we need. Don't wait for them just to show up and do
Reconnecting With God When You Feel Distant
SPEAKER_04it because most people want to be helpful. They want to meet your needs, they just don't know how.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. No, that's good. I think that's and that's really good. And I think as people on the other side of that who are experiencing those grieving is to look for that and be open to um even asking, hey, I'm going to Walmart, or I know your family, Christmas is coming up. Do you need do you want me to come over and help you make something for? Or do you want me to do you know, and be having eyes that see those people and and meet them where they're at? Um and and just be open to being a servant and even like even be open to being inconvenienced. I think that's a big thing. It's we're so often in this hustle and bustle of the holiday season. We're doing our own thing, we're hustling, and it's it's so hard, and it's uh but it's really easy to miss, you know, the people around us that maybe are in this heaviness and in this grief. Um, so I think it's so important for us to have eyes to see that for sure.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I would encourage too, just the people who are grieving, ask your friends and family to serve different roles. And so if there's somebody that is your true joy and distraction and fun and takes nothing serious, ask them to continue to be that so you can have the breaks from the grief.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And then have those that aren't afraid of deep hard conversations to say your loved one's name. I need you to say it, and I need you to say it often, and I need you to ask me these questions so I could talk about it. That's right. Right.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And and then it gives that person a role. Like, oh, I got this. Yeah. Right.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_04If I called you and be like, all right, you're my you're my go-to fun friend. I don't want to talk about grief. I don't want to feel my grief. I want to do something else, you'd be like, all right, let's go to TJ Maxx.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah. Let's go grab some. Coffee and walk around look at the old ornaments. That's right. That's right. Um, I would love uh Mandy for you to talk to this too. Um, if someone um is in the midst of the season, if someone's kind of even feeling disconnected from God in in their faith, and because that can bring up a lot too, right? Like, you know, there's so many questions people have once someone dies, even if it is something that was anticipated or not, you know, there's so many questions. Um, but especially at Christmas, what encouragement would you offer to help them reconnect to really just connect, reconnect to God in this season, um, even as they're experiencing all these emotions?
SPEAKER_04Yeah. One of the most common grief reactions is uh in regards to their spirituality and faith. And sometimes that means they feel closer to God and other times it means they feel further from God. But feeling distance doesn't mean that God Himself is distant. And, you know, there's times that, you know, as as a therapist that specializes in grief, sometimes it's the hope that I can give them. I'll say, just borrow my hope for a minute.
SPEAKER_02That's good.
SPEAKER_04Borrow my hope. Yeah. You might not have it, but I do. So I'm gonna give it to you to borrow. And so relying on those that are okay, that are strong or are strong in their prayer life or strong in their faith at this season of their life, borrow their hope, borrow their connection. And and you know, to do that, you have to be vulnerable enough to say, hey, this is where I'm struggling. Yeah. Because then they they don't know that they are supposed to share that. Right, yeah. Right. Um, but grief itself can just make things feel harder. It's harder to pray, it's harder to concentrate. A lot of times people have a hard time focusing enough to pray or focusing enough to read.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And that's where you just start using all the technology that we have and listen to scripture or change how you do it. And maybe it's it's through praise music, maybe it's through other alternative ways that's never been your way before, but it doesn't mean you can't apply it now. So you might can't sit and read or keep focused to pray a consistent prayer, but you can listen. Um, and so show up anyways. If it's hard to go to church, come anyways, find a new seat. Yeah, uh, don't be afraid to ask somebody to sit with you. Um, you know, even if you need to take a break from church, because sometimes church is where grief is is at, yeah. Don't take a break from the Lord.
SPEAKER_02That's good.
SPEAKER_04And so you just have to be very creative
Community, Resources, And Being Present
SPEAKER_04and mindful of still seeking Him. It's just not gonna look like you have always done it in yours past.
SPEAKER_03That's good. Yeah, I love that. And um I think the big key there is to um, and I think this is really hard when you're in the midst of grief, but like surround yourself with community, even if that's one just sol really solid friend. Like I think just in inviting that person. Um, there are friends that I know that are uh in the midst of not grief, but in the uh the midst of motherhood. I've always I've always told them, you don't have to say anything, just text me help or like a baby emoji, and I will just call and we will just sit on the phone. And a lot of them are long distance. Um, but I think being that to someone, um, and again, like being available and just having your hands and eyes open this holiday season specifically, I think is kind of even how we can be the hands and feet of Jesus for sure.
SPEAKER_04I think many of the churches I know here at Central and other churches in our area, they have different grief-specific holiday things. Yeah. And you know, this is kind of a joke and kind of humorous, but walk around Hobby Lobby and you will find grieving people because they are the ones looking for either flowers to go and put on a grave or they are buying the new angel ornament or the wings or whatever that is. So look up, make eye contact with people, yeah, and know you're not alone. Like even in the aisle of Hobby Lobby, there's somebody else grieving right along with you. It might be different, might be a different type of loss, but they understand grief in the holidays. And so being able to be vulnerable enough to look around and if you do show up to church, share that with somebody because somebody in that congregation has been there too.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's so good.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and I love that. Um, I'll try to pull some resources together. Um, I'll talk. Well, me and Mandy will talk after this episode. Uh, but I'll try to add some resources for that griefing during the holidays in the podcast show notes as well, in case you want to be involved with some of the activities and some of the things that are happening, um, whether at Central or in the area that we live.
Final Hope: Therapy, Prayer, And Jesus
SPEAKER_03Um, Mandy, I'd love for you to end the the last few minutes of the episode, what is one piece of hope that you want anyone grieving during the holiday season to really hold on today? If there's just like one piece of advice that you're like, if you don't hear anything else from the podcast, what is something that you really want to leave them with?
SPEAKER_04I don't know if I can narrow it down to one.
SPEAKER_03I know there's so much.
SPEAKER_04Yes, in in in terms of getting help, um something that I would say I scream from the rooftops often is that you can have um therapy, prayer, and Jesus too. Um you you don't have to do it alone. And the Lord's not gonna leave you, but there's also some really equipped people to walk that journey with you. Right. And so don't be afraid, even in the midst of the heart, it's not because your faith is weak. Yeah. Um grief is something I want everyone to know about grief, is um sometimes I get asked, like, why do you sit in this every day? Yeah. Week after week, and I'm like, oh, but it's a love story. And I think I'm a sucker for a love story, right? And I get to hear the sweetest things in the love story because they love their person so so much. That is why the grief feels so heavy.
SPEAKER_03I've always heard that grief is love with nowhere to go.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And I when I when I had that perspective, I was like, wow, that is so powerful.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. So I think, you know, just the takeaway of this season may feel much heavier than you ever had dreamed of or really ever wanted. It's not grief is not something we just go and sign up and and willingly participate in, but you are not walking through it alone. And you don't have to be on in it alone.
SPEAKER_03That's so good. Mandy, uh I literally could sit here and talk to you for about a few hours. I I would eventually start crying as I continue progressively quit, kept asking questions, but um, I'm so thankful for you and your heart for this really this ministry and just this um calling that you have so boldly stepped into because it is such a heavy one. Um, but and I'm so thankful for your your life and your obedience. Yes, that you that you just walk in it and you you live in it and you sit shoulder to shoulder with people um in in the midst of it. So thank you so much for being on the podcast.
SPEAKER_04Thank you for having me.