What The Bible Says About Forgive & Forget

What if the line you’ve heard your whole life—“forgive and forget”—isn’t actually in the Bible? We dig into what Scripture really teaches about forgiveness,  and how to honor God while protecting your heart. 

With real stories and practical wisdom, we unpack the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation, explore when boundaries are not just allowed but essential, and name the red flags of spiritualized pressure to “just move on.”

We start by grounding forgiveness in passages like Matthew 6:14 and Ephesians 4:32, then clarify Hebrews 8:12: God chooses not to hold our sins against us in Christ; that’s not amnesia, it’s grace. 

From there, we get practical about living with clear eyes and a soft heart. You’ll hear a simple boundary framework, the ARC model of Access, Responsibility, and Consequences, to help you match closeness with proven care. 

We also confront the “good girl” and people-pleasing reflex that keeps so many of us stuck. Are we rushing to reconcile to avoid discomfort, or is the Holy Spirit truly leading? Together we sift motives, manage expectations, and close the gap between what we hoped for and what’s actually happening. If the person is unavailable or unsafe, we share steps to process forgiveness with God: honest prayer, Scripture journaling, scheduling space to feel, and leaning on wise, godly community.

By the end, you’ll have language to separate mercy from naivety, tools to set clean boundaries without bitterness, and a clearer path to healing that honors both truth and love. 

If this conversation helps you breathe a little easier, subscribe, share with a friend who needs courage today, and leave a quick review to help others find the show. What’s your next faithful step toward forgiveness?

Follow along at:

Instagram: @tableofgrace

Facebook: The Table of Grace Podcast

Transcript

Welcome To Table Of Grace

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to the Table of Grace podcast, where every woman has a seat. Every story matters, and Jesus is always at the center. We're here to create space for real conversations and faith-filled stories that help you grow in your walk with Jesus. So grab your favorite cup of coffee and pull up a chair. Because at his table, there's always a seat for you.

Tessah 0:29

Hi guys, welcome back to the Table of Grace podcast. I am Tessa Lipkee and I'm here with my co-host Courtney Newberry. And hi.

Framing “Forgive And Forget”

Tessah 0:38

And today we are going to talk about what does the Bible say about forgive and forget? And I think ouch. Oh my gosh. Yeah. This is going to be this is going to be a one that's raw. Yeah.

Courtney 0:49

Um and birthed out of real conversation.

Tessah 0:54

Yeah.

unknown 0:54

Yeah.

Tessah 0:55

No, Courtney mentioned that she was like, I feel like we need to really talk about this. And I was like, I agree. I think it's a great topic. I think so many people have walked through this or are currently walking through. I mean, every season of life, you have to confront forgiveness and boundaries and all the different things in different seasons with different people with different circumstances. And I think it's a conversation that is just so necessary to have.

Courtney 1:20

Agreed. Well, and it and it comes in all sizes. Like I can forgive the guy who dinged my car in the Walmart parking lot. Um, but that level of forgiveness is gonna not cost near as much of me um as like an intimate betrayal. Yeah. Or um a perceived betrayal. Or um if someone has said something unkind to me and maybe they didn't know it was like my tender spot, you know.

Tessah 1:44

Right, yeah. No, yeah, I totally agree with that. And I think um a lot of times, and I've heard it so many, so many times, and probably you have too, like, well, the Bible says forgive and forget, and you're like, okay, where? You know, like let's let's open it up chapter verse. Yeah, yeah. And um, like and really like what we're gonna be talking about on this episode is does the Bible actually say that? And it or is that just a phrase that we've added culturally? Um And if so, why? Right. Why did we do that? I don't know. I guess it was someone who wanted somebody to forget came up with that, I guess. Yeah. Um and then got everybody to buy into it. Yes. Great marketing scheme.

What Scripture Actually Says

Tessah 2:23

Um I wanted to read a few things about what scripture does say about forgiveness and forgetting and what that actually means. So the phrase forgive and forget is actually not found in scripture. So that's actually not a that's actually not a scripture, like not a Bible verse. Um and however, the Bible does consistently command that believers need to forgive one another. So we see that in Matthew 6.14 and Ephesians 4.32, and I'll read those real quick. Matthew 6.14 says, forgive if you forgive others, for if you forgive others their trespass of their trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you. And then Ephesians 4.32 says, Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you. Um and scripture also warns that refusing to forgive can actually hinder our fellowship with God and allow bitterness to take root. Um, I feel like I definitely can experience have experienced that.

Courtney 3:21

And bitterness is not a fruit of the spirit. Yeah, I guess.

Tessah 3:24

Not something you want root in. Right, absolutely. Um, and forgiveness is also a choice of obedience um because God commands forgiveness. It is an intentional decision of the will to release the offense. And while forgiveness is required, scripture does not teach that we must erase memories of harm. Um, God says that he will remember our sins no more, which thank the Lord that God doesn't remember our sins in Hebrews 8.12. Not because he lacks knowledge, though, but because he chooses not to hold that sin against us because we are justified through Christ. Um, in Romans 8.1, which is one of my favorite verses. There's no condemnation in those in Christ Jesus. So I'm very thankful that God does not hold our sins against us through Christ. A hundred percent. Um, however, let us all remember we are not God.

God’s Forgiveness Vs. Our Memory

Courtney 4:12

I was gonna say that. And I and I think that God doesn't have that expectation of forgiveness like God does. He can forgive and forget because he knew we were gonna do it, and Jesus paid the price for our sins, so that's the call and the shot he gets to make. Yep. Um, I think that he gives us eyes to see and a heart to understand things, and he isn't asking us to erase memories. Right.

Tessah 4:37

Right, yeah. We can't, right? Like we don't have the power to be able to, unfortunately, you know, like I honestly wish I could. Um I think um, in addition to that, um biblical forgiveness means letting go of condemnation and moving forward without resentment, and believers are encouraged to release what is behind and press forward towards what God is doing ahead in Philippians 3 13 and choosing forgiveness as Christ has forgiven us. However, forgiveness is not the same as trust or reconciliation, and scripture really affirms the need for wisdom and discernment, especially when repentance is absent. Um the Bible actually teaches that it is wise to recognize danger and take refuge rather than ignore it in Proverbs 22.3.

Forgiveness Without Erasing Harm

Tessah 5:19

And Jesus Himself instructed his followers to be wise as serpents and innocent as doves in Matthew 10 16, holding a posture of forgiveness while also having boundaries. And I think like that's something we're gonna talk about a lot today because I think that's something that um we either don't know how to or we don't it's really hard for us to do it. Boundaries are confusing anyway. We probably should have like a whole episode.

Courtney 5:43

Yes. We should. Maybe that was maybe that will be part two of this episode. Uh because it's um they're hard. It's hard. And a lot of times we have these misconceptions of I set a boundary, you have to listen to me. No, that's a request.

Tessah 5:57

Right.

Courtney 5:57

Um, a boundary is something, an expectation where you stop and I start and what I'm okay with and what I'm not okay with. Yep. And they're different with different people based on our life experiences. Uh Lisa Turkhurst has a acronym, and I'm sure lots of you have heard of it. Um I talk about it a lot. It's ARC. So um she talks about how that ARC with boundaries stands for access, responsibility, and consequences. So if someone has a 10 out of 10 access to you, they know you, they know your heart, they know your inner thoughts, so really a God access, um, then they have a 10 out of 10 responsibility of taking care of the access and being respectful with it and cautious with it. And if you choose, if that person chooses not to have that left, this the equal level of access, then there has to be a consequence to protect yourself. And so the access becomes less.

Tessah 6:52

Yeah.

Courtney 6:52

And that's really what the cycle of setting a boundary looks like. I don't have to tell everyone what I think and what I feel. And I don't have to expect people to take care of my feelings if they've not given me the evidence that they're

Boundaries Defined Simply

Courtney 7:06

capable of doing it.

Tessah 7:07

100%. And I love that acronym so much. I've heard it, but Courtney can explain it so much better than I can. I butcher it every time I'm gonna do it.

Courtney 7:13

Sometimes I'm like, okay, what kind of what's my access look like here? Like, you know, like it's like a self-monitoring question. Um, did my expectation match the level of responsibility or commitment that that person had to our relationship? Yeah, or did I give them more access than they ever committed because I was hopeful for it, you know? Yeah. Um, and so the consequence isn't like I punish them, the consequence is really change, like a change has to come.

Tessah 7:36

Yeah, yeah. No, that's good. And I think like how that ties back to forgiveness and that whole forgive and forget thing is we can forgive and but we can also have very good boundaries. Like we can have boundaries that um keep us from repeat, like allowing repeated hurt over and over and over again. And I think also it ties back to like understanding and knowing the character of God, right? Like He is merciful and gracious and just and loving and He loves us so much. He also doesn't want us to constantly put ourselves in situations where we are constantly hurt,

The ARC Model: Access, Responsibility, Consequences

Tessah 8:15

especially relationally and circumstances. And so, like, there are so many things. Like, I feel like yes, we should definitely do an episode of Boundaries because we could definitely like I feel like have so many, I have so many questions I want to ask Courtney. Um but I do think like when we at answering the question, does the Bible actually say to forgive and forget? And that's no, like it's actually something that we've developed this thing culturally, and I think I think it's a defense mechanism. Oh, yeah.

Courtney 8:43

Like we just, you know, I'm gonna say that I forgive and forget because that's what I'm hoping happens because it's painful and I don't want to think about it. Or I think that we say, Hey, you need to forgive and forget because I don't want to feel bad about what I did and I don't want it to come back up. Um I think people weaponize it sometimes. Yeah. Um and then I think that sometimes people don't know how to comfort and um they have the best of intentions and it comes out with hey, just forgive and forget. We just gotta move on.

Tessah 9:09

Right.

Courtney 9:10

Yeah. And we do have to walk forward. Yeah. But the words move on and give the intention that it doesn't matter. And when we are called to forgive someone, we're not actually saying, Hey, what you did's okay with me. Right. That's not what forgiveness is. And I think that our humanness, we kind of set ourselves in that position because we're looking to try to keep ourselves safe. Yeah, you know, and we don't want for someone to hurt us again. And we want to be in control of those things instead of surrendering it to God and letting him put us in the positions and walking in the places that we think we need to walk. And if we need to reconcile that relationship, then there will be like a godly repentance um in in in that. Uh, I think that we as like a a woman who I mean I'm pretty like if you've ever spent time with me, like I'm a real like straight shooter. Um, but I can pull back super fast as well.

Holding Grace And Guardrails Together

Courtney 10:06

And I think that I have to know if I'm pulling back because I discerned it or because I'm trying to protect myself and is there a need or is there something I needed to learn?

Tessah 10:15

Yeah.

Courtney 10:15

There's layers to it.

Tessah 10:16

100%. Yeah. No, I think the more we can understand like our I think understanding ourselves make it to where we can understand, okay, well, how can I walk forward i in forgiveness? How can I understand what God actually says about it? Um, and what's holding me back maybe from forgiving and letting go of the bitterness. Because a lot of times too, like, like God calls us to forgive, obviously, but also as we've been forgiven. A hundred percent, yes. And so it's an action out of like God loves us so we can love others too. Like it's in it's that same um that same receiving and then giving. And I think because we have been forgiven of all of our sins, the worst of the worst, you know, the worst things we ever done, God has forgiven us of that. So we through his power can do it in a way that like we can forgive others. And I think a lot of times when I've had to sit down and like choose forgiveness, it's been out of like the Lord helping me do that, right?

Courtney 11:14

It's hard to get really uncomfortable because you know, I don't I also am one of those people who want to remember because I think that it keeps me safe. And I have like this, you know, this false perception that I keep myself safe when in reality I don't.

SPEAKER_03 11:29

Yeah.

Courtney 11:30

Um, and when I have to sit down and choose forgiveness about big things, I have to be willing to look inward first.

SPEAKER_03 11:36

Yeah.

Courtney 11:36

What's mine? What's my responsibility? Where could I have done something differently? What is their responsibility? We're kind of circling back to that that art concept again. And sometimes I may look at the situation and I have may have, you know, a long list of evidence where someone has shown me over and over who they are, and I may not see repentance and I may not see that they genuinely hurt me or they feel like they did something wrong.

When “Forgive And Forget” Gets Weaponized

Courtney 12:03

And at that point, it's okay if I shift and pull myself away, or that relationship isn't something that I engage with every day.

SPEAKER_03 12:10

Yeah.

Courtney 12:10

Um, I think also like whether are women who are hurting because you have people in your life who you are maybe feeling led to forget or want to forget, or a pain that you want to forget, and you're around them often. Yeah. And they're a part of your story. And how do you separate yourself when you're walking in a hurtful reminder? You know, and I think that that that really has to be channeled to the Lord and his sovereignty and his grace and grace for ourselves because it's a choice you may make every day, you know? Yeah. Um, and you m have to give yourself some space to learn how to adjust that emotional boundary. How much do I let that person be responsible for my feelings? How much do I anticipate them to meet my emotional needs?

Tessah 13:01

Yeah.

Courtney 13:02

I can't expect someone to give me more than I've ever seen them give. Right.

Tessah 13:06

Yeah.

Courtney 13:07

The gap between the expectation and the reality is where we experience hopelessness and frustration. And if we can close the gap with the expectation and reality, then we have a smaller space for that to exist.

Tessah 13:20

Yeah, for sure. Yeah, that's good. That's really good. Um I think too, like understanding, and we talked a little bit about this, like how God's forgiveness of us compares to how we are called to forgive others. And like really, like what Courtney said is like you have to connect so well to and like be, I feel like in order to forgive, especially if there's something like there's a really hard thing in your life. Someone hurt you, like, and it was and it hurt God too. Yeah, yes. It just looking like a real one. Yes. Not that they're not all real, but like this is something that like just hurt. Right, exactly. And I think like we have to be so rooted in who God is to be able to sta even step into the realm of forgiveness too. Like having that identity and confidence in who he is and that there's nothing that goes un really unpunished because he is just right. And so like he

Expectation, Trust, And The Gap

Tessah 14:25

like he will take care of those things for you and fight your battles for you. Better than I ever could. Right, absolutely. And what we again, like what we are called to is to forgive and to also, I mean, have those have those boundaries, you know, and like figure out how to protect ourselves in that way. But also, I feel like for like myself, and me and Courtney talked a little bit about this before we started recording, it's like my major trust issues. Maybe by the time I end all the podcasting with Courtney, I'll have those fixed. Um but but um like I am someone that like forgiveness isn't technically hard for me. It is like just the discipline of continuing to forgive when those things come back up, like choosing, like re-choosing forgiveness. Because a lot of times I things will come up and I'm like, I'm still hurts. Bitter. Yeah, I'm like, ooh, I did not realize I still had a lot of feelings around that, right? Like I still had a lot of anger around that, right? And I was telling her, like, I she was kind of like, Well, you don't hold on to things. I was like, well, like I not I don't like sit and stew on things as much. I mean, I don't know why it might disagree, but I feel like that like uh marriage forgiveness and and like everyday relational forgiveness have different Oh my gosh, yeah. I guess that is such a different conversation. But you know what I'm saying? Like I I will literally build up if someone breaks my trust or or does something to hurt me or does something like super reckless and like what you mentioned, like that whole arc die, like kind of like that acronym. You go from a ten to a two real quick. Right, absolutely. I'm like, yeah, your access is denied. Like you're not gonna get the car. Yeah, you're not no more. And so I will build up walls of China if someone has broken my trust. And it's almost I feel like it's really hard for someone to earn that trust back with me just because I'm just like a yeah, I'm such a loyal person myself. And so when that is not reciprocated, which I don't expect like you mentioned, like I don't expect people who have level two access to have a level 10 responsibility.

Courtney 16:25

That's a big disappointment, yeah.

Tessah 16:27

Right. And so it's it's like those moments where I've either let my felt like I let my guard down or had expected or hoped for this amount of respect, you know, to equal up to the access that they had. That's I like what you mentioned,

Forgiveness Vs. Reconciliation

Tessah 16:43

that's the gap that like you get burned the easiest, like the fastest. And that's just being human too, right? We're all gonna be in positions and relationships, whether that's work relationships, whether that's friendships or dating relationships, whatever, where like we get burnt. Like it's just it is the ministry and the life of walking alongside other people who sin. You know, like we're all we are all we are all imperfect.

Courtney 17:08

We're we're saying, hey, like go sin. That's not right. The conversation, I think, really is the internal, like the self, like the self-check-in question is how does God respond to me when I burn him? Yeah. And I think that when we can ask ourselves that, how do I want him to respond to me? Because sometimes we pull away, and just like you said, I had an expectation of them. They're not responsible for the expectation you set for them, they're responsible for the commitment that they had to the conversation, but we're also responsible to have those communications with each other so that there's like an even playing field. Otherwise, we're just walking around making assumptions about what we think other people can be doing, and then we're just sitting around disappointed all the right. Yeah, that's so true. And so I think that there has to be a willingness to have those those hard talks. And I mean, I'm saying it again, like it it's hard to be uncomfortable, but sometimes we have to be uncomfortable.

Tessah 18:04

Yeah. Yeah, I love how you said that, like the perspective of like, how have I sinned against God? You know, like we often tend to like what you you mentioned this earlier, like we often tend to put ourselves in the judge seat. Oh, I'm always right in that throne, and I'm like, Courtney, what are you doing? It never works out well. Right, yeah, exactly. Like, God scoot over, let me take care of this. And I think a lot of times, like I we also in perspective need to be so thankful that we aren't on that. Like we are not judge, executioner, and jury. And also in response to our sin, what did God do? You know, he sent his only son to die for us in place of like in place of us. And so like I think when it comes to like that lens of forgiveness, a lot of times we withhold that because we often do forget the amount that we have been forgiven before.

Courtney 18:57

Yeah, and we have to allow the reconciliation piece or the restoration piece to be separate.

Tessah 19:04

Yeah, for sure.

Discernment And God’s Timing

Tessah 19:05

Because they are separate. Yeah. Let's talk a little bit about that. Let's talk about like the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation and why the difference matters. So what I when you think of reconciliation, what do you think of? I'm like thinking of like we're free, we're free associating. Right. Like I feel like, okay, well, we're we're gonna be we're besties again and we're like following in the field together, you know, like just this imagery of like uh all is well, this is great, we've like put the past behind us.

Courtney 19:36

Yeah, it gives I think that we see it as a a level of go back to where it was.

Tessah 19:43

Or like the forget piece sometimes.

Courtney 19:45

Yeah, and reconciliation is a process. It's not you don't it requires two people. Yeah, you know, I if you and I have a falling out and I want to reconcile and us be friends again and you're like, no, it's too much for me, we don't.

Tessah 20:00

Yeah.

Courtney 20:01

We don't. And then I, you know, I may choose to reconcile and then it may take you six months before you're like, you know, maybe Courtney's not terrible, you know. Yeah. Um I th and we have to give people the space to do it. So I think that for we romanticize this idea of forgiveness that the second that we say we forgive someone, there's like this magic genie or a light switch goes off and it's like done. Yeah. Um but but it's a whole process. Yeah.

Tessah 20:29

Yeah. And it's a hard one too. I think like if you're especially if it's a hard thing, like someone has hurt you in a deep, you know, and like they have like it is something that you're not just gonna go to bed and get over it. Um it is, I feel like I mean, obviously, you're more of the expert on the therapy side of the way. I don't feel like I'm an expert on anything. But I think like it is definitely and like even in my own experience, like it is a forget like it is a choice to continue to wake up every day and work through those things. Um and also like make sure that like you are

People Pleasing And The “Good Girl” Trap

Tessah 21:06

really, I mean, especially like as you're walking through that, if you have ever walked through a season of like you have to like you're for yourself and like being obedient to God, you're working through forgiving someone um and choosing not to hold that sin against them. I think it is like I mean, I just you have to be so close to the Lord, like just being in his word with his people in prayer because we cannot do it in our own power. Like in the world. Right, yeah. They I mean, yeah, I know and even like the flesh side of me is always like especially I don't know if you're like this, but like I almost am so I'm so protective of my people. Like, and it's I've been a mom uh a mama bear before I ever had children 'cause like I'm like the oldest sister, like the oldest sibling, I have a younger sister, and like I've just like eldest daughter energy, like a hundred percent. Like I'm just like very protective of my people, my friends, my family. And so like I'm the first one to grab the pitchfork and go, where are we going? Where you know where we ride it down? Who is you know who is who who did that? Who did that? And so like I have to oftentimes like talk myself off the like off the high horse. You're willing to talk yourself off. Right. Yes. It's the choice. But a lot of times, um, and it's and I think like as we're talking about this too, the importance of having good community around you that is for you. They are for forgiveness, they are for reconciliation, they are going to if that's direct will right sometimes God's will, yeah.

Courtney 22:36

We can't confuse the fact that they may want to reconcile and it felt nice that I had this person in my life. So maybe I should reconcile. And is God calling me to reconcile this relationship or this friendship? Or is this my flesh wanting to reconcile this? Because it's fun and I love them and I wanna I don't want anyone else to have them.

Tessah 22:57

Yeah, yeah. Talk a little bit about that. Like what would be what's the difference in the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation and how reconciliation isn't

Identity In Christ And Wise Counsel

Tessah 23:06

always the right route.

Courtney 23:08

Yeah. Um, and so I think that uh we want when if I choose reconciliation, then naturally I'm gonna want the other person to choose reconciliation. But sometimes we have to walk out the hard thing. And if I pull to reconciliation super quickly, then I may be blocking what my other person could learn in his time with the Lord, and I may be blocking what God may be teaching me.

Tessah 23:39

Yeah.

Courtney 23:40

And I think that we are learners in isolation with God.

Tessah 23:45

Yes.

Courtney 23:46

Um because otherwise the whispers and the calls are too loud.

Tessah 23:50

Yes.

Courtney 23:51

And reconciliation has to be in God's will, or if you attempt to reconcile something outside of God's will, then you're gonna end up right back where you started and the hurt is gonna continue. Because nothing thwarts his will. What his will is is his will.

Tessah 24:05

100%.

Courtney 24:05

And um tying back into you you talking about we have to know what God wills for our life and be willing to be wrong. Like I can think of a lot of times I, you know, kind of like we talked about, like with disappointment, knowing I had a plan for myself and I'm I'm gonna I'm doing this. I got this, you know, I'm gonna forgive this person, and then here we are again.

Tessah 24:25

Yeah.

Courtney 24:25

Here we are again. Um, people will always show you who they are.

Tessah 24:29

Yep.

Courtney 24:30

Give them the space that you'll know if God walks with them. Yep. Yeah, you're they're not doesn't mean they're gonna be perfect. Right. But it means that you will know because they're gonna seek forgiveness with you. They're gonna not blame you. You know, if someone's wanting to reconcile with you, they're gonna own what they did. Yep. And if they're encouraging you or you need to do it too, you need anytime someone's throwing a you need to you, then I think that that's a really good pause spot of yeah, is this where I need to be?

Tessah 25:06

Right. Yeah.

Courtney 25:07

And is this person trying to act as my Holy Spirit, or

Practical Steps To Forgive And Set Boundaries

Courtney 25:10

am I allowing God to be the Holy Spirit?

Tessah 25:12

Yeah, well, that's a good one. I think that's so true. And I think um a lot of times you mentioned this before we started recording, but I'd love for you to talk about it because I feel like we both me and Courtney's testimonies, although they differ, but they are very similar. Um uh and but I think you mentioned like we have sometimes people that I mean as myself struggle with this like good girl mentality. Oh, the good girl complex. Yes, of like, well, like I need to like even like the people pleaser, yes. I should I mean I should forgive them and and try to mend the relationship and da da da, even though it's like actually very harmful. Sure.

Courtney 25:48

Well, and you're assuming all the responsibility. Um, and there are two people in relationships, whether it's a friendship, whether it's a parent relationship, whether it is a a marriage or you know, like a serious dating relationship, there are two people in that. And if one person is always assuming all the responsibility, and they're they have to keep the happiness, they have to keep the peace, that's not a healthy relationship.

Tessah 26:09

Right. Yeah, no, it's not.

Courtney 26:11

So I totally agree with that. And I think that we, and I mean, I'm going out on a limb here, but like I have like this whole like, and I can say this because I can be a little people pleasy sometimes. Am I people pleasing because that's the right thing to do because I'm a good girl, or am I people pleasing to skirt my own uncomfortability? Because people pleasing really is more about me.

Tessah 26:36

Yeah.

Courtney 26:37

And managing uncomfortable situations that I may find myself in. Yep. And I think we mask it and we call it people pleasing. Um, but it I'm really taking care of me. And yeah, then I'm not letting God take care of me.

Tessah 26:51

Yeah, man. I have I have never thought about it that way, but I feel like you just opened up my mind to so many different things. Like that's so true though. Like when we um I could definitely go down that rabbit hole because I think that is that is so true. Or it's our we are so worried about our people, other people's perspective of us that we struggle with.

Courtney 27:11

Let me perform so that you don't think differently of me. And then my perception is more based in other people than it is in my vertical

Closing Encouragements And Listener Invite

Courtney 27:20

relationship with the Lord.

Tessah 27:21

Yep, a hundred percent. And I think so many I know like uh guilty of two hands. Right, yes. My hands are both up. I feel like I'm always having conversations with other friends or women that struggle with that, and I think it's so easy. A woman is to say, and men too. Yes, like I I don't struggle with this.

Courtney 27:39

You sure about that? Yeah, are you are you sure? Have you really thought about it? Um because who who doesn't care? I mean, I think that's a you may not put a lot of stock in it, um, but I think that everyone has that thought at some point.

Tessah 27:54

Yes, most of us and we're socially like geared to have that. Yes, I totally I mean look at social media, like it is developed, you know, to for people to see your life, to see what you're doing, to be able to scroll and look through. I mean, it's it's it's literally like strategically like woven into our culture. I mean, really, when you think about it. That might be another episode too. We might have to hit on that one. We're getting ourselves so many topics to talk about in the next few weeks. Um, but I think like I I love that you mentioned that though, because I think a lot of times we put forgiveness and reconciliation together, and uh they are separate, you know, they are two separate things. And it is very situational. It is very much to be navigated with wisdom and discernment and prayer and um wise counsel, I think for sure. Um to understand, like, okay, well, I've forgiven this person, I don't know if I need to reconcile with them or if that's the next best next step. And I think that's when you seek wise counsel, you seek people that are for you and for God and but also maybe know the situation too, to be able to speak to speak wisdom.

Courtney 29:07

And be willing to be wrong, you know. Like, have you ever like planned like the perfect Saturday? Yeah. And you know that like you're gonna get in your car and you're gonna get coffee.

Tessah 29:16

And it starts raining. And it starts raining, tornado.

Courtney 29:19

And then there's you have a snow, a flat tire, and you know, and then like you are walking into your favorite store and you stub your toe. So now you have this flat tire and it's raining and you think you broke your toe and you messed up your favorite shoe on the way in. Yeah. That's how when you know reconciliation may not need to be where you're headed.

Tessah 29:38

Right.

Courtney 29:39

Yeah, like if I have this plan and this plan keeps not looking the way that I know that I thought that it should, yeah, I might be wrong. For sure. Yeah. I might need to go home. Yeah.

Tessah 29:49

I need to go home, go to bed. Yeah, I delete, yeah, exactly. Um, it's funny you said that. I immediately thought home goods, but I haven't been there too long. I need to go back. That was an ADHD moment and it's finished right there. It really was, but that was the visual I saw. Um I'd love, Courtney, as we're rounding out this the last part of this episode. Um, if someone is sitting on the other end, they're listening to this podcast, and they are wondering, like, oh my gosh, this is exactly what I needed to hear today. I maybe didn't want to hear it, but like I need to. I've been like prompted by the Holy Spirit to go and forgive this person. Um, whether that is forgiving them and having a conversation with them, whether they maybe aren't alive for you to forgive them, they maybe aren't ac accessible to you for you to give them, but for you to walk through the steps of forgiveness, what does that look like? And if they if there are boundaries that need to be set, what are really just what are some of the best steps to learning how to forgive and also setting boundaries with that person that has hurt you or sure saying something against you? The hard question for me.

Courtney 30:53

Yeah, for for last I think that you know, like as I'm thinking about your question, you know, lots of different perspectives. Like let's say that forgiveness is something that you need to do with someone who isn't here anymore, or maybe you don't have access to them anymore. Right. Um, that's gonna be a very internal thing. Yeah. Um, and every time that you're walking in a season or through steps of forgiveness, you're checking in with God because that's the true, that's the true north, right?

SPEAKER_03 31:21

Yeah.

Courtney 31:21

And so honesty about it, hey God, I really want to forgive them and I'm having a really hard time. Yeah, I need you to tie up the looseness in my heart with that because I can't do it by myself. Um and letting him. And I think that recognizing, hey, and is my hurt become part of who I am because I think it makes me safe.

SPEAKER_02 31:45

Yeah.

Courtney 31:46

Um, or has my hurt been something that I use as a roadmap? Um, and this is this thing that's hurtful. So I'm gonna go 15 ways to Sunday all around the world to not feel this again. When sometimes when we can walk back through it and then we can forgive it, we're done with it. Yeah, yeah. There are moments where we forgive and it we are okay. There's a finished thing. It's setting it settled, you know. Um, and I think that there are some really cool things. There's lots of journal prompts out there that you can do um in biblical journeying journaling with it, taking some of these scriptures that you've written out for us, yeah. Um, and dear Lord, I'm having a really hard time with this one. Yeah, I think that seeking him to assist you in it because it's not something that you have to do by yourself. Yeah, processing out with a healthy person, women are auditory processors. We can make sense of our world when we talk.

Tessah 32:42

Yeah.

Courtney 32:43

And you know, men, they're just like all silent processors, and I'm like, what are you thinking over there?

SPEAKER_03 32:48

Yeah.

Courtney 32:49

Um, but women need to talk it out. And so I think that having someone who loves the Lord and is willing to be that space um and isn't gonna correct you as you're talking it out. Because if you're talking it out, you need to work through it in your mind. Right. Um having that sense of community that you've talked about and diligent prayer with it.

Tessah 33:08

Yeah, for sure.

Courtney 33:10

Setting your heart and desire at the feet of Jesus. Um and there isn't any anybody who understands hurt like Jesus does, because he hung on a cross for us. Just think sometimes we need to be remembered.

Tessah 33:22

Yeah, and Jesus understands what it is like to be betrayed. Absolutely, in multiple layers, different ways. I mean, his own. I mean, you get you when you start thinking about it, it is kind of nuts, like just what he experienced as not only Jesus the Messiah, but also Jesus as the person. Yeah, you know, absolutely the relational heart he had. Yeah. Um, even though he was fully God, he still was fully man too. Absolutely.

Courtney 33:48

He he had a Judas. Yeah. And we have everyday real life Judases too. Yeah. Um, and I think that if we can remember that we're not alone in that and sitting with it and having conversation and meditating on it, but scheduling a time when you're gonna think about it. That way you it's not got permission all day long where you can just run ransack through your mind. So like if you're at work and it pops up, nope, 8 30 tonight. That's when I'm coming back to that. Because then you're not dismissing that it's not important, but you're still giving it the space and you're staying in control of when those hard those hard conversations with yourself are coming in a safe place for you. Um if you're sad, schedule the time to be sad.

Tessah 34:28

Yeah.

Courtney 34:29

Because it's gonna happen anyway.

Tessah 34:31

Right. Give yourself space to do it. Yeah, and do it at the feet of the Lord. So good. No, I love that. Those are so good, Courtney. I think I feel like I have learned so much during this episode. So I hope you guys have too. Um I I really think again, there's so many different layers and so many, we could probably talk for another three hours on forgiveness and reconciliation and uh boundaries and all the different things. Um, but I do think ultimately just taking a deep breath and remembering that God is so good and he is so gracious and he is so patient with us. Because I think a lot of times we are so hard on ourselves. Like whether whether we are like, Oh, I need to, I need or I should or I do I should do this, or I need to forgive these people. But have some grace with yourself. You know, like have give yourself some space to um to pray, and like you mentioned, like just to pray and sit with the Lord.

Courtney 35:26

Or, you know, hey God, I really don't want to forgive them. Yeah, and I mean I'm scripture back. This is what you say, I don't want to. I know I need to, and you're gonna have to help me with it because I don't want to.

Tessah 35:37

And um also if you are sitting there and you're like, I have so many thoughts and I have so many questions and I just need someone to talk to about this. Feel free to send us a message on our Facebook or Instagram. We'd love to talk to you about different things. Um, or just answer some questions you have about forgiveness or reconciliation. It's complicated. Yeah, right. Courtney was like, this is actually a really complicated topic. Like, okay, yeah, I totally agree with you on that. For sure. Um, but we definitely want to support you guys and be a resource and be able to direct you to scripture and and other resources. And other resources, a hundred percent, yes. And so um, feel free to send us a message. And always if you like this podcast, feel free to share it, send it to a friend. You should. Yes, a hundred percent. Go like it. Yes, go like it. Leave us a review. We'd love to, we'd love to see you guys um and just see how you're enjoying the podcast. It is really just encouraging for sure, as we are in a studio and it's just us. So, you know, sometimes it feels like the Holy Spirit is the only one listening. Um, but yeah, I think it is so encouraging to hear uh you guys and your experience and just what you're getting from the podcast. We would love to hear that. So um I hope you guys have a great week and we will see you next time.