The Good Girl Complex Part One

That anxious moment after a conversation when you replay every word and wonder, “Are they mad at me?” isn’t just overthinking; it can be a sign you’re living under a hidden script: the Good Girl Complex. We pull up a chair and talk candidly about people pleasing, perfectionism, and the exhausting need to manage how others see us, even when we love Jesus and genuinely want to follow Him. 

We unpack what this looks like in real life: performing to feel safe, being overly responsible for other people’s comfort, and carrying “should” language that keeps us on a spiritual hamster wheel. We also talk about how church culture and high expectations can shape a performance lens, where faith starts to feel like a checklist instead of a relationship. 

The heart of the question is simple but confronting: am I walking in obedience to God, or am I working to control approval, reactions, and outcomes? 

Then we go back to Genesis and name Eve as a picture of the first “good girl” pattern: partial truths, doubt, shame, hiding, and fig leaves. But the most hopeful part is God’s response. He doesn’t lead with condemnation, He leads with pursuit and intimacy: “Where are you?” We connect that to everyday life, college seasons, secret struggle, and the practical path forward, honest prayer, daily repentance, and letting yourself be seen by God and by safe people who point you back to grace. 

Share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so more women can find a seat at the table. What part of the Good Girl Complex do you recognise in yourself?

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Transcript

Welcome And Table Talk

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to the Table of Grace podcast, where every woman has a seat, every story matters, and Jesus is always at the center. We're here to create space for real conversations and faith-filled stories that help you grow in your walk with Jesus. So grab your favorite cup of coffee and pull up a chair, because at his table, there's always a seat for you.

Tessah 0:29

What's up? We are back.

Courtney 0:30

Hello.

Tessah 0:31

Table of Grace podcast. It's time for table time. It is. How's your table been this week? Um, it has been actually very full. We had our college students, I think we call it table time. We're gonna call it table talk. Okay, table talk. Which one do you which one do you want?

Courtney 0:46

Uh well, we were just having a conversation about my age. No, this is actually funny. You shouldn't edit this. And this uh what I just said is reflective of how my table is this week. And toolman Taylor Tooltime. Yes, okay. So I was born when that show was like on prime time. Okay, yeah. I realized you watched it in the afternoons after school. Correct, probably a decade ago. Yeah. Um, however, uh my dad is named Tim. And so he would be like, Tim the toolman tailor, and like he'd like walk around and make that noise that I'm not gonna make. Because I would definitely have you edit that out. Um, and so when I said table time, that's where that came from. That's funny. My childhood.

Tessah 1:29

Yeah, that's funny. Yes. So table talk. Table talk, table time. We'll we'll no table talk is better. Yeah, table talk is it's rolls off the tongue a little bit better. Yeah. I'm gonna think of I'm gonna start calling it tool time on accident, I think. We don't if we don't that's if we don't catch it, it's I'll be like, it's tool time with Tess and Courtney. And we're gonna be like, what do I de-walt? I don't know. Like, I don't know the tools. The blue ones, the blue tools, the green, the red. I don't know. I think yeah, but we uh actually had all of our college kids here last night for a life group because our friends that co-led with us, their kid was sick, one of them was out of town, so we were like, we'll just host it here. And if you know anything about my house, it is very sectioned off. I'm a huge like I love a good open floor plan. You would love my house. I need to come see your house, I need to come to Walcott. Um, but I do we do not have an open floor plan, so we don't have enough room for 20 college kids, you know. And so we were the Lord blessed us, and it was beautiful outside yesterday, and so we just had like all of our group outside. It was so funny. I hate that, but I love that for you, right? But it was cool, yeah. The weather was perfect, it was like 65 degrees that like after the sun went down, and so it was really nice. So our table was very much outside and full. It was so full, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's good.

Courtney 2:44

I feel like my table is really messy, yeah. Um, and the piles that I usually have organized are s smeared all over the table, and um the chair has broken legs, and I am just hoping that it doesn't fall. Yeah, that's where I'm at with my table. But that's okay. I'm here,

Introducing The Good Girl Complex

Courtney 3:04

I'm still showing up. Yes, you're still here, yeah. Because life gets like that sometimes.

Tessah 3:07

It does, yes. I'm usually that's I mean, I've I'm still very much the chaos queen, so don't get me wrong. Um, but I think it is fun to like have weeks where like even in the midst of chaos, like we're able to fellowship and be in community. Yeah, and like community and chaos. I feel like that's that's a whole thing. Does that does it help you check your good girl list? Yeah, it does. You're right. We're gonna get into that. Yeah, it's like getting ahead of us. It's a whole scripting almost. It is, it is. I couldn't just plan that better myself. Um, but no, that's so so true. Um and if you listened to last week's episode, and if you didn't, you need to go and make sure you listen to it. But we introduced that we are gonna be doing a new podcast series, which I'm very excited about. Courtney's very excited about it. I'm super excited about it. I don't know how excited about it I'm gonna be when it gets all up in my business because I definitely have struggled with this before, so I might not be too excited once we get it up.

Courtney 4:00

We all struggle with it though.

Tessah 4:01

You're right. On some level, yeah. In some way, shape, or form. Yeah. Some way, shape, or form. And if you think you don't. You might. And uh it just probably do. You probably you probably are exactly who this podcast is for.

Courtney 4:14

Um we're glad you're here.

Tessah 4:15

We're glad you're listening. Um, but we're to start it's called the Good Good Girl Complex series. And I love the name that you named this because I think it's so true. But I wanted to kind of start off and break down what is a good girl complex and what does that actually look like in real term and like in real life. Like, if I have a good girl complex, how do I know?

Courtney 4:38

So, like, I for me, so like a good girl complex is is my default thought, what did they think of me? Um, or one of my immediate thoughts after conversations, um, are they mad at me? Um, did I did I do well? Yeah. Um, sometimes it's performance-based, sometimes it's perception-based. Um most of the time it's not, did I please God?

SPEAKER_02 5:04

Yeah, not at all.

Courtney 5:05

That's not the default thought, you know, like I can get there, but I have to sift through, did I do a good enough job? Yep. Um, did I make someone feel uncomfortable? Did I take responsibility for someone's comfortability that maybe wasn't mine? Right. Yeah. You know? Um, and or did I walk out how God needed to use me in that moment?

Tessah 5:27

Yeah. I think yeah, I feel like there is definitely so many different people that str it's like the same gift wrapped in different wrapping paper. Yeah.

Courtney 5:35

Yeah. Well I I think that it can go the opposite way too. So like some people are like, I am not a good girl. Um don't call me a goody to shoes or whatever, you know, like there's my age again. But I do what I want. Yeah. Okay. That still falls right into place because you're the way you engage and interact in the world isn't purpose through the Lord, but it's purpose through how people perceive you, whether they perceive you as compliant or non-compliant. Right. Whether they perceive you as independent or dependent, it's not about that, like we talked about last week, like about that vertical relationship, it's about those horizontal ones.

Tessah 6:10

Yeah, that's so true. Yeah, so either way of the pendulum that you swing, you're still not in alignment with probably what you're doing. Yeah, there's your mirror pointing to. Yep, exactly. Yeah, that's good. Uh when I think of good girl complex, and like when you said that, I was like, oof, this is I feel like there's so many layers to it. And we'll we'll go through a lot of things. We have to do it justice and think about it like on a spectrum almost. Yes, because I feel like I know so many, and not saying that I have definitely a hundred percent struggled with this, and I've I've through the Lord have really gotten a lot better with people pleasing. Like, I just remember I would run myself so thin there was no time for uh sleep, you know, like there was like no time for anything else but to make sure people were Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay? Hey, do you need me to do anything? Are you okay?

Courtney 6:56

Yeah, yeah.

Tessah 6:56

Yeah, and if you weren't, it if I ever slowed down enough to like even like take a deep breath, it was like, oh no, what am I doing? I need to be doing something else and being productive.

Courtney 7:06

And see, I don't get lost in production. Um I'm not as much like I like to feel productive, but I think that um I can remember like growing up with my mom always saying like how people feel when they walk away from you matters. And she's not wrong, but the lens that I viewed it through was a performance lens. Yeah, and I think that she meant it in like an alignment with God lens. Yeah, but my younger version, you know, insecure, unhealed version of myself heard you better get it right. Yeah. Because people people will decide who you are after they walk away from you.

Tessah 7:42

Yeah, yeah. And even on like obviously I do social media marketing for a living, but like even like on the perception of like social media, like we learned that like it at not even in real life, but like even online, split second, people have made already made a a decision about what they or like an assumption of you based on what they see online. Like even like in even in real life interactions, like it takes uh seconds you know, for me to make an assumption before I even get to know who you are. And so what's really cool about that even is that God doesn't do that. No, you know, he No, yeah, isn't that so good though? Like the Lord He doesn't make assumptions about us because he already knows us. Yeah, there's he there's no need for assumptions, yeah. It's so good. He knew I was gonna screw it up before I got there. Yeah, exactly. He had already And he still loves me. Yeah, right. He already made the plan to you know to die for that, you know? Yeah, and so he'd already he already done it. He's already done the work. Um and so I think that's really good for us to for us to remember too. Um when it comes to good girl complex, so I think it's really good that

Obedience Or Performing For Approval

Tessah 8:47

we kind of work through some of these things before we get into like the meat of the podcast. I don't want anyone to miss any moment that can happen. Right. Yeah, yeah. Um so do you think a lot of the girl, how do we recognize the difference between in the girl good girl complex? I'm gonna totally like butcher. I feel like it's that one of those word things that I'm like a butcher. We can call it being a good girl. Yeah, I mean like at the end of the I mean that's really the internal message, right? Yes. So like being considered that and being like falling into this good girl mentality, how do we like even recognize the difference between okay, am I actually walking in obedience to God in this or am I just performing to feel safe, accepted, and enough, you know? And I think that's especially niche it down to Christian, even like if you were, I think specifically raised in church, there can be this certain pressure of performing and being a certain way. I know for sure I've watched that a hundred percent.

Courtney 9:50

You need to be in the choir, you need to make sure that you're you know holding the Bible at vacation Bible school, right? You've memorized all the verses for a wanna's and it's uh it's laced in performance. Yep. Um, and all of those things are important, but God doesn't want us to do those things from a performative space. Right. But also, like, how do we teach a kid uh to do something? We have to make it fun, you know? And so like I do think that there's like a teeter-totter, and I think that like as the parent and and and the adult, we have the responsibility of letting our kids know, hey, like, yes, we're doing this, but we're doing this because God is good.

Tessah 10:25

Yeah, yeah, not because we need to pretend that everything is good, or that we need to be good, because actually at our core we aren't good. No, you know, like we're not we are not good.

Courtney 10:35

Like, I mean there's And I'm I can I can perform all day, but I'm never gonna be.

Tessah 10:39

Right, yeah. I mean, and I think that's the hamster wheel that the enemy will get us on. It's like if I work hard enough, if I perform hard enough, if I show up, if I please people enough, if I do all these different things, then I'm gonna be worthy, or then I'm gonna be valuable, or then they're gonna love me, or then they're gonna like me. It's like this hamster wheel of things, it's like you have to jump off. You know, you have to get off the hamster wheel.

Courtney 11:04

Choose to get the bruises and just get off. Get off the hamster wheel. I I when is the first time you remember f feeling

Church Culture And High Expectations

Courtney 11:12

good girly? Hmm.

Tessah 11:14

Who that's a good question.

Courtney 11:16

So like I'm a preacher's granddaughter.

Tessah 11:17

Yeah, so like started real young. Oh yeah, for sure. And my uncle, who was like has still very part big part of my life, was a missionary Baptist preacher. Yeah, yeah, they were very much like Yeah, we were on the front row. Right, oh yeah, for sure.

Courtney 11:32

A hundred percent. Yeah, and I'm like that kid that like was crawling under the pews, you know. My mom's grabbing me by the foot and pulling me back, you know. Um and so people people noticed what we were doing because we were in the presence to to see those things.

Tessah 11:48

Yep, definitely like a spotlight put on. Um, which I wasn't technically a preacher's kid, but I feel like there was still the same expectation. Very high expectation, very high expectation. And not even that like my parents put that on me per se. It was just almost like this um it's almost like it's a culture. Right, it's a culture, and it's almost like this outfit that's you're you're seeing and you put it on yourself. You know, like, oh, okay, I need to be like that, or I need to look like that, or I need to or even like someone you see modeling that and you almost see it modeled, you're like, okay, well, I need to be more like her, or I need to do this and do that. Um and I even was even being saved at a young age, I still fell into a lot of the okay, well, like a lot of self-righteousness. I feel like that kind of was unpacked in, okay. Well, I cannot be, I can't make mistakes publicly. You know, like whoever I'm struggling with this, no one can know. You know, like and so I think the enemy kept me hidden in sin for a long time because like that was I mean you I think it's you can confess it or say it out loud because other people may know. Oh, right, and then like get the stones out, you know. Like that's what it feels like, get the stones out and don't toss me in the street. And so like that I think that's a lot of like where a lot of my stuff originated was okay, well, if I like I'm obviously I'm a sinner, you know, at my core, but like what what does it look like when I struggle with sin? Oh, don't talk about it. Or like, oh don't they can't know. But we all we all be sinning. Right, exactly. And so like I think that's that is also such the importance of having community and like also even like getting your kids into good community with other uh Christian adults, people that love them and they can talk too. Um you can see other adults be like, oh, I made a mistake.

Courtney 13:36

Yeah, we're gonna make 'em.

Tessah 13:38

A hundred percent every day.

Courtney 13:40

Yeah. And I think that was probably one of the hardest things in adulthood for me is like, hey, you didn't you didn't do that well. Yep. Um but you're still good. Because God made you good. Yeah. Not because you're good on your own.

Tessah 13:52

Right. A hundred percent, yeah. And I think that's the freedom that we have in Christ. I know we'll talk about it so much in during this series, is that we can walk in we can place our worth in Jesus because of the work that he did on the cross. Um, that's where we can find and place our worth and our identity in, and find so much freedom in that because like it when we finally

The First Time It Showed Up

Tessah 14:17

come to a point where like we can't work for it, we can't earn it. This is a gift from God. It's some of us are more stubborn than others and right, yeah. And recognizing that, but for sure. Um I I we also you mentioned this, and I love that we're kind of starting from the beginning, and I say beginning, I mean talking about the f who you mentioned would be considered the first good girl.

Courtney 14:39

Oh yeah, this is this is good. I mean, yeah, and I think like people can can guess it, but I totally think that Eve was the first good girl. And which is an odd thing to say since like she, you know, helped bring sin into the world. So like I do think that like we have to talk about that a little bit. Um, but it was Eve. It was Eve. She um her sin brought shame because sin and shame. And when the shame came, her need to be a good girl where she hid. Yeah. And she clothed herself and she tried to cover up because she understood that something was wrong. And I think that that's like the first time, like biblically that we see really the what we're calling the good girl complex, yeah, um, emerge in scripture, and we're gonna see it over and over and over.

Tessah 15:32

Yep, yeah, I I totally agree with that. And you mentioned something before we started recording, but it was so good. And I don't know if you're gonna remember it because I feel like we were having a convers just like a very natural conversation, just debriefing. But um, you mentioned something like good girl, like being a good girl is kind of like this perception of like walking in shame, but like you don't we don't walk around going, oh I'm shame.

Courtney 15:52

Oh yeah, no, absolutely. So I you know, I feel shame when I am masking as a good girl. But I really am minimizing what I'm feeling with oh, I hate that I did that, or oh, I'm so sorry, I forgot, or we make light, or we minimize, or you know, the bless your hearts, um, or the bless my heart, or whatever that no one walks around and says, Hey, I I've got a lot of shame. Um, yeah, I've got anxiety, I feel, you know, tired, I'm fatigued. Yeah, um, I can't believe I did that. Whoops.

SPEAKER_02 16:30

Yeah.

Courtney 16:30

And we're not gonna be perfect people.

SPEAKER_02 16:33

Yeah.

Courtney 16:34

But I think sometimes when we feel shame for something and it's tied into that good girl, this is the reason why I feel it because I shouldn't have, you know, we get the shoulds. Yeah. Really. Yeah. And I think that we have to sit kind of in this space of like, okay, like, am I human? Right. Wh where is my relationship with the Lord in this? And it's okay to have messed up.

Tessah 17:00

Yeah.

Courtney 17:01

And I don't have to hide it. I don't need to go get like, you know, metaphorical fig leaves.

Tessah 17:05

Yeah. Right. Yeah. And you mentioned that, like, we were talking about this before, but how God responds after Eve. So, like, let's walk through the story. So, like, if you don't know the Genesis story, this is kind of like in the midst of like This is Jess's version. Yeah, Genesis 2 and 3. Um, I need to probably like pull my Bible out.

Courtney 17:24

But uh No, no, no, give it like the South Arkansas spin.

Tessah 17:27

Oh gosh, this is not good. What kind of fruit would they have? A muscat on or something? Um something like that. A fig. No, I don't know. We have figs. Um, but I I feel like so you know, Adam and Eve are living in this garden, this perfect place that God created for them, right? And they're living and they're with God every day. With God every day, yeah, right. And they have everything they ever needed. Right, yeah, isn't that cool? Um, and God commands Adam and tells Adam, like, hey, do not eat of any tree of the knowledge don't eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, I believe. Yeah, that's that's the wording for it. Um again, South Arkansas version. Um, but this is my good girl coming out. I'm trying to be a perfectionist and get it right. Um, I'm just gonna be honest with you. And we're not, yeah, we're not, right? And so, anyways, continuing, anyways, and so uh and God commands Adam this. Adam obviously does not tell Eve

Eve As The First Good Girl

Tessah 18:19

exactly what God told him because it it kind of comes out when she's talking to the serpent who comes up to her, and obviously this is the enemy disguised as a serpent, yep, um, Satan, and he goes up to Eve and starts talking to her, and it's starting to say things like, Did God really say Well and that's what he does, right?

Courtney 18:37

Like he he takes a partial truth and then he spins it in a way that takes away from the character of God, right? It's half truth, yeah. Yeah, and and well, and good girls, you know, we're vulnerable, yep, right? Because we're good and we want to be good. Yep. And he takes the half-truth or the partial truth and he spins it enough that creates doubt.

SPEAKER_02 18:58

Yep.

Courtney 18:58

Yep. And the doubt is where the fall happens.

Tessah 19:02

Yep, for sure. And so then she decides to go, oh well, you know, he he kind of says, Well, if you eat specifically, like very summarized, if you eat this fruit of the tree of knowledge, good and evil, you will be like God, you know, knowing all things pretty much. And uh she's like, Alright, this is cool. And then she eats it and then she gives them to her husband, who's all of a sudden in the scene, and you're like, What? He's been sitting there this whole time, this is weird. Um, why do you say anything, Adam? Um, that's a whole nother podcast, but um that's another series. That's another series, but um, and then they're like all of a sudden realize that they're naked, their eyes are open. Yes, and they and then Shamenders the picture.

Courtney 19:41

Yeah, and they have this immediate need to like cover up and hide. Yep. And I think the coolest, one of the most beautiful things in scripture happens after that, like God had been walking with them, like it was a common place for God to walk in the garden. Yep. And he didn't he didn't come immediately when it happens, he went until the cool of the evening because they froze, they hid, they knew, you know. So they cover themselves with fig leaves and they hide and they uh hide from God, although he is the God who sees. Yeah, and we're gonna talk about that in a different episode. Yeah, um, but uh God says where are you? God knows where they are. Yeah, he doesn't come from a place of what did you do? He says, Where are you? Because he seeks and he initiates relationships with us and interactions with us. He could have easily pulled the the bush back and been like, I found you, what did you do? Right. But that's not that's not the good, good father that he is.

SPEAKER_02 20:38

Yeah.

Courtney 20:38

Where are you? And he lets them come to him.

SPEAKER_02 20:42

Yeah.

Courtney 20:42

He makes the initiation he already knows the answer. Yeah, but he's meeting them on this grace and loving level. And I I you know, like obviously I'm not God, but I imagine he was so sad.

unknown 20:55

Yeah.

Courtney 20:56

So sad, you know, and intimate with them. He he meets us the same way. Yeah. We're the ones that that hide. We're the ones that pull back, we are the ones that don't allow him to meet us where we are because that's where he is every time. Yeah. And he he he says, Who who told you that you were naked? Almost like who who did that? Who's brought this? Right. He already knows the answer. But you can he does it's not a point the finger of who told you this. It it is a who told you. How did you know? Yeah, how did you know? And he has the answer, like I said. Yeah. But he needed them to know it was okay to come to him with it.

SPEAKER_02 21:46

Yeah.

Courtney 21:48

And I think that that is the first way we get to see God pursue and chase after a girl.

SPEAKER_02 21:58

Yeah.

Courtney 21:59

Because She's feeling the shame. She knows that she's wrong. She's hiding in her sin. She's covering herself with her fig f her fig leaves. We do the same thing. We do the same thing. We we'll we'll skip church. We'll avoid church. We don't have prayer or quiet time. When people want to have conversations or like maybe someone has a good intention of checking up on us, we don't answer the phone or take the call. When we're sitting and hiding in our sin and in our shame because we feel that good girl pull, but instead of meeting him with his open arms, we're trying to hide our eyes from it. And he's just there with open arms, like, I've been waiting on you.

Tessah 22:42

Right.

Courtney 22:42

Yeah.

Tessah 22:42

And I think that's where are you? Who told you that? Right. And I think we can apply so much of that in the white lives that we live every single day. And the things that we walk in, uh sin that we're struggling with, shame, guilt, like all the things that are associated with absolutely like even the lies that the enemy tells us.

Courtney 22:59

Oh man.

Tessah 22:59

I mean, obviously, I mean it that is just like a beautiful not I mean technically beautiful. I I guess it does end up being beautiful because God does send have redemption in that story, but eventually, and so but I do think it is so interesting to see that even I mean, the enemy's tricks are new. You know, like he's been doing the same thing over and over again. And so, like, what does that deception look like in our lives today? Like, what does that look like in the spaces that we're in, the lies that we're believing, um, the the half-truths that we're accepting to be full truth, absolute truth? It's like, does that does what you're believing about yourself or even like the way that you're living as a people pleaser or as a in this within this like good girl complex or within this oh if I don't perform good enough from a trap. Right. It's like, well, what is does what does God's word say? Because most of the time the narratives that we're believing are not even biblical.

Courtney 23:55

No, they're horizontal. Yeah. And they are things we see other people say to other people, or they're things we see in movies, or our worst case vision scenario played out in our in our head. And the the interaction that matters the most is the interaction of hey, where are you? Mm-hmm. You know, and I think that even, you know, whether you have been a Christian a really long time, and as a Christian who sometimes I step away from abiding, you know. That was a conversation like I actually had someone share with me this morning and I was like, man, that's really good.

SPEAKER_02 24:34

Yeah.

Courtney 24:35

I step away from the he didn't move.

SPEAKER_02 24:37

Mm-hmm.

Courtney 24:37

I do. Yeah. And I have to be where are you, Courtney? Yeah. Where are you? Mm-hmm. Don't you forget me?

Tessah 24:44

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah.

Courtney 24:46

I'm here.

Tessah 24:47

Yeah. Yeah. And I think to know that. I even think about the the story of the um uh the prodigal son. Like I love that imagery of like this prodigal son, he's been off and he's took his father's heritage and he swanders it and he's doing all these terrible things. He's literally like eating with the pigs, and he like looks up, he's like, I can go back to my father's house.

Courtney 25:08

Yeah, what am I doing?

Tessah 25:09

Or I can at least go be a servant there. You know, I can at least go work there. And he's like, he goes home and his dad runs and meets him. You know, I that's just like that's how God is to us.

Courtney 25:19

And that's we're gonna see that in the series over and over and over. Yeah, where the the cultural expectation that we give God of how he meets us in sin or in shame and in our brokenness or our performance in whatever good girl shirt you're wearing for the day, right? He meets us the same. Love, care, kindness, I'm here.

SPEAKER_02 25:43

Yeah.

Courtney 25:43

But he wants us to accept that with him, he wants us to walk in that relationship with him. It's not fun having an intimate relationship by yourself. Right. He wants intimacy with us and he wants us to want that with him.

Tessah 25:57

Yeah, yeah, for sure. And to be able to trust him, like with the just in it's it's crazy because I think it's sometimes we like even what we talked about last week, we relate so much of our like horizontal relationships to how our relationship is with God, and it's so different because he knows everything about us and like the good, the bad, the biggest, yeah, right. And like he knows me on my absolute worst day, you know, like my absolute worst day, and he still died for me on that. And so I think to walking in that, I yes, it is it is so much of a choice to accept it as truth, you know. It is learning it and accepting

Half Truths And The Enemy’s Doubt

Tessah 26:34

it and believing it over and over and over again to be able to walk in it and to be free, you know, to walk in the freedom of that. Um Well and we don't we don't need the fig leaves.

Courtney 26:43

Jesus covers us. Yeah, yeah, we don't need the fig leaves. I don't have to scavge and search and to plan conversations or moves or decisions because Jesus covers us.

Tessah 26:55

Yeah, and that's so good. Yeah, yeah, praise the Lord for that. Um uh we kind of are talking about this already, but what assumptions about God are we living from that may not be true? So just like Eve added to what God said, where are we maybe adding rules, pressure, or expectations that he never gave us?

Courtney 27:14

Like you know, we talked about this a little before we started to. Um, I you know, yes, Adam is the head of the household, but Eve still has a responsibility to have a relationship with God. Yeah, God gave the message to Adam, but a Eve can commune with God, he was there walking among them. Yeah, so her relationship and what she understands about God and who he is can't be hinged just through her husband. Right. It because sometimes, I mean, some people are single parents, yeah, and there may not be a husband there. Yeah, or maybe they have a husband who's not a believer and they are, or maybe they're in a single space in their life. Yeah, you know, like they're not you're not always gonna have that position. Yeah, and so I think that as a godly woman, one of the things we have to do is we have to be willing to know I'm responsible for my relationship with the Lord, not my husband, not my mom, not the fact that our grandfathers were preachers, it's Courtney. Yeah, Courtney and Tessa are responsible for their relationships. Um and I think that we see the vulnerability piece there because she wasn't relying on that.

Tessah 28:29

Yeah, yeah. I think they're even in adding to that, I think a lot of times we will um even like putting expectations on, you know, I I think it's so funny too to how close they were walking with God, but still didn't fully understand or know his character, and to know that he was always with them.

Courtney 28:53

I think that this question about obeying God or managing his reaction to us is solid. So I don't think we need to skip it. Yeah. Um because I think that we can get lost, us good girls can get lost in a performance for God too. Um I think that it's okay for us. I think we have to talk out like sitting with the hard conversation with ourselves of what am what am I hiding with from God? And what am what am I in a sense working really hard not to hear because I've believed a lot.

SPEAKER_02 29:39

Yeah.

Courtney 29:40

And what would we say to our friend? And then what will we say to ourselves? Because when we compare the two, they're very different. Right.

SPEAKER_02 29:51

Yeah.

Courtney 29:52

And God died just as much for me as he did my friend. Yeah. And he doesn't view or love us any differently. And so we have to start letting ourselves be the exception for God's love.

SPEAKER_02 30:04

Yeah.

Courtney 30:04

We all are the exception, yeah, but we count ourselves out and we're included in that too. And I think that that matters.

SPEAKER_02 30:12

Yeah.

Courtney 30:13

Because everything's true for everybody else but me. Yeah. Right. Yeah. It's like a false I'm gonna believe. It's a defense mechanism. Like it can't be true about me because then everything else I believe about myself and all the other pieces of control that I think I have are null and void at that point. That's good. And that's a full surrender at that point.

Tessah 30:36

Yeah. So you want to hit that?

Courtney 30:39

Yeah. Was it recording? Because I don't know that I could say it twice.

Tessah 30:42

Yeah, it was recording.

unknown 30:43

Okay.

Courtney 30:46

Uh actually I can't repeat that, so I so I just can't do that sometimes. Um I I think this is what would you say to the college girl who's in who's in an Eve season?

Tessah 31:00

Oh yeah, wow. Yeah, because I feel like I definitely live that on so many different levels of if I ever wrote a memoir, I'm like writing heavily about that section of my life. Because I feel like I the good girl complex was like if there was a picture of it in the dictionary, like I would be. Oh, but I fought to keep it. Oh, for sure. Yeah, yeah. I I honestly like it is uh it's a lot of my testimony too, because I and even in the midst of that, and it this is just also God's goodness and grace, like even in the midst of this putting on almost this like good girl Passana, because I I really wanted to be that, you know, like I wanted to be all in on God and like what he wanted for me, but at the same time, I wanted to live this other life. Yeah like I wanted I wanted both. You can't have both, yeah. You can't have you cannot serve two masters, like Jesus literally tells us that. And I think like in college specifically, and a lot of girls who probably are walking in the same thing that I struggled with, is that like this temptation of like God put me, I was working in ministry and like working in the college ministry, like doing all these things, but then like wanting to go hang out in like I was at two different places pretty much, and like wanted to go hang out and hang out and drink with my friends. You don't see anybody from church, right? Yeah, and be like, oh well, and like I didn't do that actually for a long time, but there was a point in my walk, like or just even like in college where I distanced myself so much from God, same. I did it, yeah, that I like numbed out.

Courtney 32:27

I need to to be okay with what I was doing, right? Like quenching the Holy Spirit. Absolutely, yeah, yeah. And I think

Where Are You God’s Pursuit

Courtney 32:33

that we can't be in denial that everyone has done that at some point. Yeah. If you're a believer and if you're not a believer, you're currently doing it.

Tessah 32:41

Right. Oh yeah, for sure. And so I think a lot of even like I just know like this is like such a a very like universal experience. Like, I'm not the only person that walked through this. Uh, but I honestly wish more people would be honest about that. Let's talk about it. Yeah, and I yeah, and I think like bring it to the table. Yeah, bring it to it's like the I feel like my crusty McDonald's fries and bring your crusty fries. Right, bring your crusty fries to the table, that's what it is. But I feel like it's so true though, like when you oh, I'm about to hit my mic, but like when you allow the enemy to when you give the honestly, no, when you give the enemy a foothold in your life, and I I feel like I've seen this time and time again, it's almost like this math equation. It's like if you allow one sin to enter in and like you start making that sin okay, you open up the whole box. Yeah, you know, and so like it's so interesting for me to walk back and I can see people literally had that thought right this morning. Yeah, and so when you can almost see the you can almost see the track of that of people like if you are watching someone and you and you've walked through that and you were watching someone, you're like, they they're starting, it's like this domino effect. Like you can almost see the slow train crashing, you're like, oh no, here they go, you know, here it comes, you know, like and I feel like that was me, like, okay, I allowed this one thing to come in, and then I'm okay. Well, I'm not gonna drink, we're not gonna do that. Um, but I'm still having sex outside of marriage. Sorry, mom listening on this podcast. But you know, like I'm still struggling with that. Yeah, and so like right hiding in me. Yeah, according to my testimony, she's listening to it, so I'm cool talking about it. Um, as I'm recording on a public podcast. But I think it's so it's so interesting that like when you open that open, okay. Well, this then I'm gonna justify this, then okay, well, I can justify having a drink, or I can justify doing this, or I can justify going to a party and doing this, like, and like you start just like the justification becomes this whole like presentation of like, well, like I'm doing this over here, I'm serving the Lord over here, so like I can go have fun over here, or like I'm serving, and so like I had this whole justification piece, but also living in constant shame. Yeah of like I cannot be found out. Yeah, like you know, this is gonna know, yeah, they're gonna know, or or also go into like this having this shame of like this almost like this temporary repentance of like I'm so shameful and I want to do like I want to turn away from this, but not knowing how.

Courtney 35:04

Not practically having like knowing like that it's something you're gonna do every day, right? Yeah, it's not like uh I'm gonna set this down one time God said to me, Hey, where are you? Yep. And I said, I'm right here and I'm really sorry. And this is where I've been struggling. But it's an everyday to to where we get like in the walk of like, hey God, I I'm coming to you. Yep, because I'm struggling with this. Yeah, and then that relationship looks a lot different from the day that he saw you out and said, Hey, where are you? And who told you? And it looks more like, hey Lord, I feel myself being pulled. I feel this temptation, I feel this struggle that I'm walking in. I am hard pressed and I'm having a hard time. Yeah, and I'm coming to you and I am setting it at your feet.

Tessah 35:51

Yeah, yeah. And I think that that having that relationship with the Lord, like you mentioned, is that daily practice. Like it's you have to do it every day, and it's a choice, not to say, like, okay, we have to be saved every day. It's just that that repentance and that dying to yourself. Like, if we don't die to ourselves, we are opening up us to be able to walk, we're gonna walk in the flesh. You know, like if we don't he already knows, right?

Courtney 36:15

Yeah, he already knows. And sometimes I think that like we, you know, like we get in this space where we perform for God. Yeah. And like we do that sometimes in our prayer, and we want them like polished and pretty.

SPEAKER_04 36:27

Yeah.

Courtney 36:27

Um, and then sometimes they just have to be, you know, and like honestly, like my husband is really the like the this is how you do it, you know. Like, because you know, he's and but he says he speaks to the Lord like that too, you know, like and I

Rules We Add Onto God

Courtney 36:44

have found that when I'm even when I'm angry and frustrated or I feel hurt, yeah. Hey Lord, I know that you put me here because I walk with you. Where are you? Yeah, where did you go? I need you and call on him, yeah. Call him down. Yeah, he wants us to to come at his throne with confidence in who he is. Yeah, um, and so I can pray a prayer that says, Lord, I need you and I need you now, and I'm not okay, or I can say a prayer that says, Dear Lord, thank you for your graciousness and your loving kindness. And if you could have a chance and you have some time and you're not too busy, yeah, could you give me a little assistance if you have any left over? That's not the God we serve.

Tessah 37:30

Right, yeah. Yeah, he's it's this, I mean, like we see in scripture this I've a father cry, you know, like that Paul talks about. It's like this you can run like screaming like as a kid, like, but dad, like I have a like I have a problem, like I I need your help. Like it's this desperate relational, deep relationship cry, you know, that we're able to be safe enough for you to be desperate with him.

Courtney 37:52

For sure. Mm-hmm. He's safe enough for us to be desperate with him. And he's gonna catch us. Mm-hmm. We just have to let him.

Tessah 38:01

Yeah, yeah. I think that's so good. And round it back out to like people who are walking in this like maybe you're sitting here listening to this, you're like, oh my gosh, I've never faced the the persona or this good girl complex. Like, I've never actually thought about it like that, or I've never actually put it to words what I struggle with. Um, what would what would you say? I mean, even walking through that, but also walking with others through it, what would be something that you're like, if you're gonna we're gonna end this podcast on an encouraging note, like what would be some hope of like, hey, this is a hope that you have if you're realizing this for the first time, or you know that you struggle with this, like what is what is some hope and like maybe what's what's a good step? Like what what's the next step that we didn't stay in this season forever?

Courtney 38:53

Right, yeah. And you won't either. The first part, the first step is letting yourself be seen. Yeah. Answering him, responding. He already knows. And once you do that the first time, the next time is easier. Because it'll be a next time because we're imperfect and we get in the flesh and we mess things up, right? Um and there'll be another one. Yeah. And every time you walk out, the return to him, the the the answer of the where are you? Yeah. And you have that conversation with him, it's easier because you've created that space in that relationship and you get better at recognizing that. You get better at recognizing when the enemy is tempting you. It's hard at first, but just like we talked about a few weeks ago, that's a muscle that has to be built, and so does that relationship with the Lord.

Tessah 39:48

Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I think that's so good. So the eve season doesn't last forever. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's good to know. You know, like and I think we it like getting out of the cycle of it is first admitting that you're in it, um, and going like, oh wow, I do struggle with this. And I the only way to work and like walk through that and like to honestly be on the other side of it is that relationship with Jesus, you know, and that because you can I mean you can spiral and deal with this forever, but it's not until that you allowed yourself to walk in the freedom and the joy and the hope of Jesus that that makes this that makes the Google complex not be the t-shirt you're wearing. Yeah, like you can you can put on another shirt, you know, like you can you can change shirts, yeah, yeah, and and it doesn't have to be um planned and perfect.

Courtney 40:43

And I think that as we move through the series, we're gonna see a lot of really beautiful God moments that were absolutely imperfect. Yeah. Um, so when sin came in and shame came and the idea that I am imperfect and I am broken and I'm not okay and I need to hide, yeah. Hey girl, you ain't gotta hide. You don't have to hide. Right. But he already sees you.

Tessah 41:05

Yeah, just answer his voice. Yeah, exactly. So good. Um and uh to finish off and add to that, to also what I wish I would have been more bold in in like if I could go back is to be vulnerable in the right space with the right people. You know, to be and I had I had um phenomenal safe spaces that I was too I live You were performing in those two. For sure. Oh yeah, right. And so like I mean I'm gonna I wish I would have had that, but like I also encourage people who are listening that are like man, um I don't know. I would find find those people, you know, find those people that are safe, that love you, that love the Lord, that are gonna point you back to him, um and and encourage you to grow in your relationship. And usually it's the friend that you don't want to talk to about it. Right, you know, it's usually that's that's your hand. You know who it is, like you know who you need to go talk to. Like I have I have one like one of my best friends like that I've was really open with in college, like the one person is like she's still like my best friend today. Um and she she lives in Kansas City, so we honestly don't get to hang out a lot, it's so sad. But uh she's someone like if I want to know, like if I want to be brought back to the Lord too, she's I'm like, I need to call her. She's gonna she's gonna bring me back down, you know. She's knee straight. Yeah, yeah. And so I think and she's like it's just having people like that in your corner that aren't you know they're gonna not gonna meet you with judgment, they're just gonna meet you with grace in a listening. And they're gonna tell you by the time that they had an eve day too. Yeah, yeah, for sure. And so finding your people like that is so important too in in the midst of it. But we are so excited for this series. Um, I hope you guys like this podcast episode. If you did, make sure to check out and uh check out our Instagram pages, um, Table of Grace and then on Facebook. Table of Grace on Instagram and then Table of Grace podcast on Facebook, and then make sure to leave us a review if you liked it. Tell your friends, yeah. Share it with a friend. Yeah, maybe share it with someone that you think girl compliment. I didn't tell you to do that.

Courtney 43:06

But uh if if a friend shares this with

An Eve Season In College

Courtney 43:09

you, it's not because maybe they think that maybe they're saying, hey, I struggle with this, I want you to know this about me.

Tessah 43:14

Yeah, that's maybe that's maybe that's the yeah, or they just like the podcast episode. Yeah, and it's a good one to know. Um, but yeah, thank you guys so much for listening, and we will see you next week. And I'm I'm super excited, so be sure to follow follow along. Tabletop, table top, table top, tabletop, table top, one of those, yeah. Yeah, we'll be we'll be back with that. Bye guys.