Good Girl Complex Part 3 (Knowing The God Who Sees You)

Some stories in the Bible feel like they were written for the women who sit quietly in the back of the room, doing the most and feeling the least seen. Hagar is one of those stories, and once you notice her in Genesis 16, you can’t unsee how personal God gets with the overlooked.

We walk through Hagar’s life as an Egyptian slave caught in Sarah and Abraham’s conflict, and we talk honestly about what it looks like to be silenced, used, and then blamed for the fallout. From a therapy lens, we trace trauma responses in real time: freeze when her body isn’t her own, fight when pregnancy briefly elevates her, flight into the wilderness, and fawn as she returns to survive. 

If you’ve ever lived under the pressure to perform, keep the peace, or be “good enough” for God to show up, this conversation puts words to that Good Girl Complex and offers a gentler way forward.

The turning point is the character of God. He meets Hagar in the wilderness, calls her by name, invites her to speak, and she names him El Roi, the God Who Sees. 

Listen, share this with a friend who needs to feel seen, and then subscribe and leave a review so more women can find a seat at the table.

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Transcript

Welcome To Table Of Grace

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to the Table of Grace podcast, where every woman has a seat, every story matters, and Jesus is always at the center. We're here to create space for real conversations and faith-filled stories that help you grow in your walk with Jesus. So grab your favorite cup of coffee and pull up a chair, because at his table, there's always a seat for you.

Why Hagar Matters In This Series

Tessah 0:30

Hey guys, welcome back to the Table of Grace podcast. I'm Tessa Levke with my co-host Courtney Newberry. Hello. And today we're going to be hitting it hard with another part of the Good Girl Complex series, and it's going to be a really good one.

Courtney 0:47

This is one I've been really excited about.

Tessah 0:48

Yes, Courtney's been waiting on this one since we started.

Courtney 0:50

Remember, I tried to skip Sarah. I tried to skip Sarah for this one. Yeah.

Tessah 0:55

Sarah almost got skipped for Hagar. And there's a really good reason for that. Um, although we we love Sarah dearly. And I think her episode was so good to do. I think we I learned a lot from it. Same.

Courtney 1:04

Well, and I I think that I think I heard people be like, hey, like I didn't realize I had some Sarah going on with me.

Tessah 1:11

Yeah. Yeah. And I think same. Yeah, right. Yeah. Or like, yeah, I sometimes we there's so many ways that we can relate to Hagar in a way, uh, and also judge Sarah for her position and how she did things. But um it's really interesting to look at the entirety of the story too and see how we can relate, but also how we can go, oh, that's maybe what they were walking through in that and why they reacted the way they did. Yeah, empathy is a game changer. Yeah. If the only the world had more of it, right, yeah. I mean, same. I will say my um spiritual gift of like assessment mercy is at the bottom, so I need to work on that. Um mine is mercy. Yeah, so we'll see we balance each other out. It's a good time. It's good, yeah. And I need to work on my mercy. It's it shows up in my road rage sometimes. Oh man. Well, I don't feel like that's an accurate way. Is it though? I

A Kid’s Honest Complaint Spiral

Tessah 2:05

feel like it really shows my character in the story.

Courtney 2:09

You know how like I talk sometimes about like you know, your mirror, your kid being your mirror. Yeah, we're on our way to church last Sunday, and um, I don't know where this comes from, but Merritt gets just like on one. Um, and he probably has the vocabulary of a nine-year-old, like he like he'll let it roll. Yeah, yes, and so we're waiting in central traffic because everyone in Jones World, Arkansas, or Northeast Arkansas knows what central traffic is on some days.

SPEAKER_04 2:37

Yeah.

Courtney 2:38

And the lights, and he just starts going, I'm sick and tired. And Nick and I just kind of look at each other like you sick and tired, boy. You don't even know what that means.

Tessah 2:46

Maybe a driving man.

Courtney 2:47

Oh, oh, and then he just unloads. I'm sick and tired of traffic lights, I'm sick and tired of traffic, I'm sick and tired of cars, I'm sick and tired of Walmart and gas stations. He had a lot of people at this point, like he's just naming stuff that he's seeing, you know. But there's some underlying like frustration emotion there. Yeah. Because he was, I mean, it was and finally Nick goes, Okay, son, but if you don't have any way to solve the problem, then we probably need to move on from it. Yeah, we just just can't complain. Yeah. But he's sick and tired. Sick and tired. He was over it. Yeah, a little 80-year-old man in a four-year-old body. Man, just wait till he starts dropping it. He's really gonna be sick and tired then. Oh, sick and tired.

SPEAKER_03 3:32

Don't be hearing it for you.

Courtney 3:33

Or he'll go, I'm just not a fan. That's so funny. Just not a fan. Save merit. Yeah. Um, I can relate to him.

Tessah 3:40

He's not a fan of that. We need merit on the show. Not a fan of pickles. I'm not I'm not a fan. No, thank you. Um, but let's do a

Table Talk On Chaos And Reflection

Tessah 3:50

little table talk here, since we're in the intro of this. Um my table, I feel like has been very um I table's always chaotic. I will preface.

Courtney 4:00

But do you think you thrive better in chaos? 100%. Yeah. If it's not chaotic, I get a little freaked out. Well, and it's like an almost a little trauma responsey, like, what's coming?

Tessah 4:10

Right, yeah. If it's not chaotic, then chaos is coming. Yeah, and I don't do bored well. No, me either. Yeah, that's something I'm always convicted about. Um in rest. Uh, but I feel like what's rest, aren't you? Right, yeah, what is it? What do you mean? Um I have got to meet a bunch of new people. You know, I'm doing putting together like a content creator summit, and it's a thing, a new, very new thing, and it's taking up a lot of my time, but it's really fun because it's a new passion project. And so I've got to meet a lot of new people and faces from it. So that's been cool um to connect with some new people. So my table's been new. Ooh. So you've had room at your table. Yeah, yeah.

Courtney 4:45

Okay. Yeah. So I've been making some inclusive table. Yes. Okay.

Tessah 4:48

So I've been making some yeah, making some new introductions, connecting with people that I've never met before. And so it's been cool. Yeah. Yeah.

Courtney 4:55

Yeah. I think that um I think that my table has really just been a reflection space. And I'm gonna share some of that. I talked to you a little bit about. I'm gonna share a little bit of that as we finish up this episode today. Um and sitting with sitting no g um God and that he's sovereign. And even when things don't make sense or they hurt, yeah, that he doesn't leave us in it.

Tessah 5:25

Yeah. He mates us with it.

Courtney 5:26

Yeah, and sometimes like he doesn't remove the struggle. Sometimes he calls us to sit in it.

Tessah 5:32

Yeah, yeah. And we see that so much in the story we're gonna go over today. Courtney's so good about softball pitching this up to me. Hey, listen. Uh we balance

Hagar’s Voiceless Life And Trauma

Tessah 5:40

out really well. Um man. Um, so today we're gonna hit on Hagar, um, which she is a person that is She's a slave. Yes, she's a slave, but she's also a big character in the Abraham and Sarah story. Sometimes that we don't she's not usually someone you care about when you're listening to the story in Sunday school. You know, like they usually don't talk about Hagar. Um, but what we'll also see, I feel like an interesting uh part of what we're hitting on for the good girl complex side of this too, is this um what we talked about a little bit with Sarah, but also in a different way of like being a passenger in your own life, but also this guilt shame that's related to this and like how a good girl complex can come out of of this story too, and like what we can relate to in this way.

Courtney 6:33

Um well and I think the thing with Hagar is like she's voiceless, mm-hmm. You know, just from her position, you know, her body is not her own. Um, she is silent and silenced. Yeah, and when she has what she thinks is an opportunity to have like a position and to be important and to be seen, because she's so unseen, right? She's like she's as seen as the chair in the living room, you know? Yeah, and when she does get that, sometimes it didn't go so well, and then she's hurt because she thought it would get better when her position was elevated. Right. Um, and she runs.

SPEAKER_03 7:16

Yeah.

Courtney 7:16

I can literally say, like reading through this, we see from like a therapy perspective, we see every trauma response. We see fight, we see flight, we see fawn, and um, we see uh my brain freeze, freeze, yeah. Wow, freeze, so much freeze.

Tessah 7:31

Yeah, wow, that's really interesting. I never thought about that. Obviously, you're the therapist in the room. Um, but I love that uh we kind of can see all those different responses in that because obviously Hagar's got lots of trauma um in just her life. Obviously, she's an Egyptian slave that we see. Um we're picking back up in Genesis 16 too. If you want to almost like follow along with the story, um we see uh kind of like where we picked off with instead of hitting on Sarah though this week, we're kind of talking

Genesis 16 Setup And Rising Conflict

Tessah 8:00

about Hagar and the other side of the story.

Courtney 8:02

The other usually is one.

Tessah 8:03

Right. Yeah, the other side of what that looks like. Um obviously we know Sarah's barren. Um they're struggling, they have the struggle with infertility, they have the struggle with trusting God. And so Sarah, in her barrenness and in her frustration and in her trying to control things, takes it upon herself to give her servant, her slave's maid servant, to her husband. Um right, as the this was very, very um um very traditional practice in their culture at the time. Um obviously not condoned by God. No, or us. Or us.

Courtney 8:38

This is this is this did happen.

Tessah 8:40

Yeah, this happened, but it's not it was obviously not God's plan for them. It is something that they planned for themselves and put into motion, and Abraham agrees with it, and Hagar um bears uh gets pregnant, and we see all these things happen. Um She gets she gets she thinks she's elevated because like Abraham takes he takes her as a wife, and he's a wealthy man. Right, okay, and so now she's elevated as a wife. Yet we see that she's not as important as Sarah in the scripture, um, and that Hagar actually looks on Sarah with contempt. And I always thought, like when I read that, when I might just have a I'm not a very good like vocabulary person, just that's why I will start saying, I'll be like, that's da-da-da. He's like, What did you just say? I'm like, I'm in it, I don't know what I'm in it. Yeah, that and so um listen, in my high school, we literally just watched movies um during English lesson. Um shout out um love my teachers, but bless. Um I did not learn a lot. Uh there actually, you know what, there was one that I did learn a lot from. But anyways, all that to say, my vocabulary is not like super expansive by any means. Um, but when I would see contempt, I was I would think like the word like oh, she just like hated Sarah and she was mad at Sarah. But really, like when I looked at some of the commentary in my Bible, it says that she actually looked down on Sarah.

Courtney 9:57

There was a pride, there was a little bit of yeah, I finally made it.

Tessah 10:00

Yeah, so I did, but you couldn't that gave me a different perspective of like, oh, Hagar's now in this position, in a in a better position.

Courtney 10:08

That's the fight from a response.

Tessah 10:10

Yes, okay. Yeah, talk a little bit more on that.

Courtney 10:12

Well, I mean, so you know, she obviously when the her body's not her own, that's a freeze. Yep, you know? Um, and when she has a baby and she does the thing that his wife can do, yeah. Air quotes, because that is that is how it's viewed in scripture. That's how her pride really gets in the struggle. Yeah, um, misses that God's plan is ultimate in all of it and his timing included. Yeah. Um, and she sees it as something that she has done.

SPEAKER_03 10:39

Yeah.

Courtney 10:40

And look where I am. Right. Um, and then Sarah gives her a reality check.

Tessah 10:46

Yeah. Yep. Yep. And then Sarah like is jealous. Now there's this jealousy that's built up against Hagar because it's like, well, now not only are you a wife, I put you in this position. Um, and it's something it's something that Sarah put into place, but now she's kind of like, oh, now what have I

Flight To The Wilderness Toward Egypt

Tessah 11:05

done?

Courtney 11:05

Sarah humbles her. Right. And then she flights.

Tessah 11:08

Yep. Yep. Yep, she flees into the wilderness, which is interesting too. And I've actually listened to a podcast on Hagar and it was really good. I'll have to share it with you. I think I should have shared it with you before this. But uh with the Perries, uh did an episode on it. Oh my gosh, it was so good. We love we love them. Yes, we love them. Love, love, love. And um she talks a lot about this, but it she like in the commentary too, is like, well, Hagar, it just kind of says she's going to the wilderness, but like the when you look at the context of it, she's actually trying to go back to Egypt. So she's trying to go back home. Um, which is so interesting to me. It's like, um because home. I don't want to be here. Yeah. Which floats the trauma. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and so like she's trying to get back home. And so I think a lot of how we can relate to the story is when these things happen and things happen to us, that we I feel like we do have a lot of that flight response. And this we see that in Hagar.

Courtney 12:02

Well, and I think that it's natural for us to want to retreat to safety.

Tessah 12:05

Yep. Yep. And uh what's really cool in the midst of this trauma, in the midst of all these really bad things happening to Hagar

God Meets Hagar And Names Her

Tessah 12:15

and her mistreatment, is that God actually meets her.

Courtney 12:18

He does.

Tessah 12:18

Um, and talk a little bit about that, Courtney.

Courtney 12:21

So, you know, we see her run and she is trying to go home, and he calls her by name and her identity, because he says Hagar, servant of Sarai, because she's not been renamed yet. Yeah. And he says to her, Where have you been and where are you going?

Tessah 12:44

Okay. Almost very similar questions that we see in the garden.

Courtney 12:46

It is right. Yes, absolutely. Well, and he this is a this is a woman who's never had a voice.

SPEAKER_03 12:53

Yeah.

Courtney 12:53

Probably never been heard either. No, well, she didn't, you know, like when we talked about Sarah and we talked about Eve, like, and some of the other women that we talk that we're gonna talk about, they have the luxury of proving their worth. Now I say that with a perceived luxury of proving their worth. Right. She's just trying to survive.

SPEAKER_03 13:11

Yeah.

Courtney 13:12

She doesn't get the opportunity to perform, right? She doesn't get the opportunity to earn it. She has been, like I said, a she's a fixture in their family and in their world, but her worth is not even something that's a luxury that's called to question.

SPEAKER_04 13:28

Yeah.

Courtney 13:28

And so she runs and God calls her by name because that's what he does, right?

SPEAKER_04 13:32

Yeah.

Courtney 13:33

And he says, Where are you going and where have you been? And she doesn't give him like geographical landmarks, she gives him I am fleeing from your your Sarah. I am fleeing from my mistress Sarah.

SPEAKER_03 13:48

Yeah.

Courtney 13:49

Let me tell you about the struggle that I've been in.

SPEAKER_03 13:52

Yeah.

Courtney 13:53

Um and he goes on as he talks to her and he invites her to have a voice because she's never had one before. She's she in this moment, it's the first time that she's gotten a voice in her own story. And she names God.

SPEAKER_03 14:11

Yeah.

Courtney 14:12

Now this is Genesis 16, right? This is the first time that God has allowed himself to be named by someone else. And it's by an unwed, single, pregnant, to be, mother-to-be, yeah, woman.

SPEAKER_03 14:29

Yeah.

Courtney 14:30

So like and a slave woman at that. So not not not an Israelite, right? An Egyptian woman.

SPEAKER_03 14:36

Yeah.

Courtney 14:37

Because we all have a space with God. Yeah, it's good. And he doesn't, and this because this is the first time she's ever been seen by anybody, she renames him You're the God Who Sees. Elroy.

SPEAKER_03 14:51

Yeah.

Courtney 14:52

And I think that because she's seen for who she is, he invites her to change her internal dwelling and then commands her to return to her previous dwelling. He's not done with her story.

Tessah 15:06

Yeah.

Courtney 15:07

He's not changing her circumstances. Right.

Tessah 15:09

Yeah. He actually

Return And Sanctification In Hard Places

Tessah 15:10

tells her to go back. And submit. Yeah. To her hateful.

Courtney 15:14

And to do the role that she is currently in. Yeah.

Tessah 15:18

Isn't that crazy?

Courtney 15:19

It's wild. It's hard. Yeah, well, and I think that like sometimes the good girl in us thinks that, oh God, I see you change it.

Tessah 15:24

Mm-hmm.

Courtney 15:26

And he doesn't always do that.

Tessah 15:28

And a lot of times he wants to change us. Yes. Most of the time. I would say like all the time. Oh it's like instead of changing our circumstances, he wants to be with us in those and work with us to change parts about who we are to mirror more of who he is.

Courtney 15:45

He's sanctifying us. Yeah. You know, so like when I think about women who could potentially be struggling with this now, whether it be like in a marriage or a friendship or a relationship, um, maybe it's in your employment, maybe it's a struggle you're having with like your adult child, um, maybe it's an internal struggle that you're having with your your parents as an adult, you know. There is there's an opportunity to be more like God when you're hard-pressed. And I th I think that sometimes we stay there until we can be sanctified to be more like him. Because wherever he's taking us next and his will requires that thing, that fleshly thing in us to die first.

SPEAKER_03 16:29

Yeah. Yeah.

Courtney 16:31

It has to be put away.

Tessah 16:32

Yeah. And uh I think we also see a lot of the character of God in the midst of the midst of this too. You know, just how he uh meets her in this vulnerable, intimate moment. Um, and I think a lot of times when we see when we look at God, the God of the Bible, or sometimes we have different perceptions of him based on either how we were raised or our circumstances or all these different things, right? Um, we can think of him as distant and far, um, or like r far removed from our situations. And what's so cool about what we see in this story, and this is the God of the Old Testament, you know, a lot of times people want to be like, He's just meaning so relational. Right, and you look at this story and you go, Wow, like God meets her right in the middle of the middle of it. Yeah, and and then has this forms this relationship with her and also like gives her encouragement about her son that she's gonna bore Abraham, you know, and like shares and I think what's really promise. Yeah, right. And uh what's actually really cool too is that although he says, like, you know, Ishmael, who's the son that's gonna be born through Hagar, it's gonna be a wild donkey of a man. He's gonna have there's gonna be like a lot of hostility in his life. But what is interesting is that he promises this independence that she does not have. And so that's good. And I just read that in my commentary, it was not original thought to me.

Courtney 17:57

But um it is I'm glad you remembered it and shared it because it's good.

Tessah 18:00

Yeah, it's interesting though, because so she's he's almost promising, like, okay, well, you know, you were you're a slave and you're a servant, even though, yes, you're technically an wife of

Ishmael’s Promise And God’s Character

Tessah 18:10

Abraham, or like you know, you're gonna bore him a son or whatever, you still are she's property, right?

Courtney 18:16

In in the context of the culture in when when this happened, she she is, she's property.

Tessah 18:21

Yeah, and so it's this also this promise of like, oh well, that's not gonna be your son's story. And so that's encouraging in a way. For any mom. Right, yeah. And so, um, yeah, God also elevates her in that way and also elevates her well who will be her son. So I thought that was interesting because I've sometimes we when you're reading scripture, you read you just read the scripture and you don't study it. And so, like actually going back and like really studying this, it's like wow, there's a lot, there's a lot in here. Yeah. Um, you mentioned a few different trauma responses uh that you see throughout the story, and we went over flight, we went over fight. Where do we see the different ones?

Courtney 19:00

So, and we had freeze, you know. Yeah, um, so she's returning, she's fawning. She is doing the thing that she needs to do to make the people happy. She is minimizing whatever her struggle may be. Um, she has a kid that's relying on her. Yeah, um, and for 13 years, she because 13 years before we see the birth of Isaac, um, before she leaves again. Yeah. For 13 years, she plays the role and she does the part.

SPEAKER_03 19:29

Yeah.

Courtney 19:30

And she and she does the thing that God has called her to do.

SPEAKER_03 19:33

Yeah.

Courtney 19:34

She knows she has a purpose. The difference in the difference in what we see

Fawn Response And Thirteen Years Later

Courtney 19:40

from the first run, the in-between, the middle.

SPEAKER_02 19:43

Yeah.

Courtney 19:44

She is uh wholeheartedly seen by God. The whole f the whole time.

Tessah 19:51

Yep. Uh I'm trying to remember which exact okay. So she runs the first time, and then there's a bunch of stuff that happens. We have to see the birth the birth and the promise. Well, first the promise of Isaac, which we talked about last episode. And then we see the birth of Isaac, which is the son that Abraham and Sarah finally do have, uh, in God's sovereign timing. Uh we do see that happen. And then so you can obviously imagine if you're in a position, imagine put yourself in Hagar and Sarah's shoes. Your, you know, other your husband's wife that's also your m master, you know, whatever, is now finally pregnant. You've bore a son, you're Hagar, you've bore you've had Ishmael, who Abraham still kind of believes is the son of the promise, although God tells him it's not, and he still kind of believes it. He's like, Oh well.

Courtney 20:42

Well, this is the son of God.

Tessah 20:44

Right, yeah. Well, this is this is him. And then God's like, no, you know, that's not. That's not who I'm willing to, you know, have this blessing through. It's not who I'm gonna have the promise through. It's gonna be through Isaac, da da da da. Email got it reiterates it over and over again. I feel like Abraham's still kind of holding on to hope. Well, this is my son, you know, this is also my firstborn son, which is uh how a lot of in that in that um Middle Eastern culture, Old Testament culture, that was a huge thing too. Um, but we see the birth of Isaac, and so you can imagine, I feel like the controversy and the um issues that this causes, and we do see that. We see um kind of Sarah um basically wanting to cast out Hagar again and want to be like, okay, well, you know, now we have our souls we don't even for conflict.

Courtney 21:34

Yeah. She's looking for a reason. Um, and and I don't say that in like a negative way because most she's trying to protect hers and Hagar's trying to protect hers.

SPEAKER_03 21:45

Yeah.

Courtney 21:45

And we have two moms who love their kids and are try and one is positioned differently.

SPEAKER_03 21:51

Yeah.

Courtney 21:52

And it's not because one is better than the other, but that's how the positioning that's that was God's decision, his will for the positioning. Yes. So one has more authority. Um, and when she finds a conflict worthy enough to bring to the attention of Abraham,

Cast Out Again And A Mother’s Despair

Courtney 22:11

he has a choice to make.

Tessah 22:12

Yeah, and God lets him make a choice. Okay, well, what do you you can basically listen to Sarah and do what she says, and Abraham does. Again, like he's let's be listening to his wife, that's for sure. Yeah. Um, for his own demise or not. But uh, and then basically you can see you can tell in the story how much Abraham does care for Hagar and Ishmael. Um, he like basically packs her up and gives her, you know, a water, uh I think like a maybe like a wineskin um and uh basically kind of like sends them off into the wilderness. Um and we also see in the story where they get to a place where like they run out of water. Hagar is basically, you know, begging and talking, I feel like talking to God, going like, please God, don't let me see the death of my child.

Courtney 23:00

Just like displays that like I have like a if I could have some sort of artistic ability, like this just like rolls out like in my head. Yeah. Because she's rejected.

SPEAKER_02 23:11

Yeah.

Courtney 23:11

Here, here we are again. Yeah, well, and Will and like rejected physically and sent away, like disposed.

SPEAKER_02 23:18

Yeah.

Courtney 23:19

Right. So she's been used and now she's disposed. Yeah. And she also has, you know, like as a mom, like she has this responsibility of taking care of her child. Right. They're in the desert.

SPEAKER_02 23:28

Yeah.

Courtney 23:29

They're out of water. Yeah. You know. Um, and she hides him under a bush because she's blocking the sun from him, she's protecting him.

SPEAKER_04 23:37

Yeah.

Courtney 23:38

And she removes herself far enough away when she feels like there's nothing left to do, when she is on like the brim of hopelessness. Yeah. Because she doesn't want to watch him die. And she says that. She's it says she's a bowshot away.

SPEAKER_02 23:49

Yeah.

Courtney 23:50

Um, and she doesn't want to watch him die. And she lifts up her voice and weeps. Yeah. And God sees. Yeah. He sees her son. He sees her. Yeah. He sees the immediate need. And he gives her the future promise.

SPEAKER_02 24:08

Yeah.

Courtney 24:09

And this time the circumstances do change.

SPEAKER_02 24:12

Yeah.

Courtney 24:12

Because it's time for the circumstances to change. Yeah. And if we look at the difference between the Hagar that runs and the Hagar that's sent away, the Hagar that runs doesn't know God. The Hagar that sent away knows God. And she lifts her voice and weeps.

SPEAKER_02 24:29

Yeah.

Courtney 24:29

It's an

God Hears Weeping And Provides Water

Courtney 24:30

invitation. She is trying to seek out God because she remembers 13 years before.

SPEAKER_02 24:36

Yeah.

Courtney 24:37

When he saw her.

Tessah 24:38

Yeah.

Courtney 24:38

And she learned who he was.

Tessah 24:40

Yeah, that's good. And then he provides, we see that God actually provides a well for them. Um immediately.

Courtney 24:46

Um another thing I think that went this time, you know, the first time we talked about how God says, Where are you going and and where have you been? You know, like where are you going? Where have you been?

SPEAKER_04 24:56

Yeah.

Courtney 24:56

This time he says to her, What's troubling you?

SPEAKER_03 25:00

Yeah.

Courtney 25:01

Almost like a hey, what's wrong? Again, we see that relational invitation from God when he hears her cry out. He answers her cry because he's the God who sees.

SPEAKER_04 25:11

Yep.

Courtney 25:12

And he says, What's wrong? I think that sometimes, like in our culture today, we see what's wrong with you as like a you're the problem. And so I want to make sure that when we're reading this, we're not reading this from a lens of today. Right. We're reading this from the character of God.

SPEAKER_02 25:29

Yeah, for sure.

Courtney 25:30

And he says, What's wrong? Yeah. And I think about like when Merritt is sad and he cries, and hey buddy, what's wrong?

SPEAKER_02 25:38

Yeah.

Courtney 25:39

Talk to me. What happened? Right. That's God's invitation for him to comfort her and provide. And because she was willing to learn who God was and to return and to be sanctified and understand how he was going to use her story, she leans into him here.

SPEAKER_02 25:57

Yeah.

Courtney 25:58

Yep. That's good. So good. I actually wrote down that she went from being used to reclaimed.

Tessah 26:05

Oh, yeah, that's good. That's good. Um, and like, isn't that like the just God, like how he rewrites stories? You know, like he is so good at first off meeting his daughters where they are, um, and and sons too, right? But like in this specifically in the story, like meeting his daughters where they're at, where they've been, um, what they've been through, and just being a not just being this big God who like does these big things, but being a father, you know, and just meeting them where they're at, um, and loving them and calling them out and calling them to himself. We'll see that in as we continue throughout the series too, how God's character doesn't change. You know, he's just like the same over and over and over again, especially how he specifically responds to women. It's actually really interesting when you start looking at it.

Courtney 26:56

Yeah, we're we're episode three in and we see where are you going? Who told you? You know, like what's wrong? Yeah, we see these invitations for relationships, yeah. And I think that in modern day, like in today's Christians, we view those from a good girl lens of oh, what did I do wrong? Oh, I'm broken.

Tessah 27:19

Yeah.

Breaking The Good Girl Performance Lens

Courtney 27:20

He doesn't care.

Tessah 27:21

Yeah, he already knows. Yes, yeah, he already knows like he's already in the middle midst of all that, but he humbles himself to him. Yeah, he hum humbles himself to be relational with us and it with his creation, with his daughters, and I think that's what's so powerful about all of scripture, but also like what we get to walk in in with our relationship with Jesus. Like through the death and the resurrection, the power of Jesus and the Holy Spirit that's in us, like we get to have the same Aba Father connection or relationship with the Lord um that um is just so powerful, and that we get we can have this relational relationship with him um that is like a daughter and a father, you know, like this we don't have to be put together. Yeah, like we don't have to be come perfect and perform just right or be good enough or do steps once we're gonna be. We see that here. She didn't even get the chance to perform.

Courtney 28:15

Right.

Tessah 28:16

Yeah, she's literally just trying, like you said, trying to survive. Like she's in the survival mode. Um, and we see we just see God show up and like that's what he wants to do for us. I think a lot of times we are trying, especially in like a good girl complex type of like when we consider that we are constantly trying to perform or control the situation or be good enough for God to show up for. And he really, like, if you are feeling that, I would just like speak to that and just say, you cannot be good enough, and you can also not be bad enough for God to love you anymore, any less. Like he loves you because you're his creation. And we're not invisible to him. Yeah, yeah, we're not like he sees you. Um, and I think a lot of times we forget that, whether it's just us going through life, having hardship, having trauma, having you know, like just all the different things, disappointment, like all the things that life can throw at us. Um, and I think that's also the power of getting into God's word too, as we see more of his character.

Courtney 29:18

Yeah, and how can we meet him if we don't spend time with him?

Tessah 29:21

Yeah, for sure, for sure. Um and um yeah, I feel like we hit on all of those trauma responses too. Um and is there any other ways you can see Hagar in the kind of the sum of her story in reflection to maybe the good girl complex, but also maybe what is there anything we didn't hit on that you can say like, well, she maybe was walking in this, or this is how that good girl complex could come out or show that we can relate to.

Courtney 29:56

We have to recognize that she is the unseen.

A Letter To The Unseen Good Girl

Courtney 30:00

Yeah. And I think the takeaway here is that God sees us. Yeah. Um, and I think that you know, and you and I talked about a little bit how um I I've really recently kind of walked through a season like this, yeah. And having God meet me um in the pages of my journal and in the pages of his word and stirring my heart has I would do hard things all over again to get to experience his presence with me in closeness, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Um, you know, in therapy, we a lot of times we'll be like, okay, cool, like write a letter to yourself that you wish somebody would have said to you.

SPEAKER_04 30:41

Yeah.

Courtney 30:41

Um, and so I actually did that today. That's good. Um, so I'm gonna share that with you guys because I think that there probably are a lot of people who need to hear it. Yeah. Um yeah, it's good.

SPEAKER_02 30:53

Share it.

Courtney 30:54

All right, here we go. To my good girls who feel unseen. I know what it feels like to be hard-pressed and to carry things that no one else seems to notice, to move through spaces where you feel small or just plain invisible. But my sweet friend, you are not invisible. God sees you, Elroy. He sees the real you, the one under the mask holding it together for everyone to see, the tired parts, the hurting parts, the lonely parts, the silent weeping in your car or your shower that no one sees, but God does, and he does not turn his face from you. I want to encourage you that things change. It's a season, and I don't say that lightly, but it won't last forever. But before God changes your circumstances, sometimes he changes you within the circumstances you have. He isn't dismissing your pain, but he is showing you who he is in the middle of it. And this ache won't feel like this forever. So when it feels like too much and your emotion overflows, when you think that you may bust, lift up your voice. Cry out to him. He hears you, he sees you, he will respond to you. He provides the immediate needs, and he holds orders for plans for your future needs. So hold on. You were seen, you were heard, you were known, and you were loved by God who sent his only son to die on a cross so he could have eternity with you. You were chosen, and God is still writing your story.

Tessah 32:28

Amen. Drop the mic, throw the podcast mic on the ground. That was so good. No, I think I love that. And uh thank you for sharing the I think that is something a lot of women walk in and are probably walking in, listening to this podcast. Even if it's not active, it's I can all a hundred percent say like yes, like I think that is um a journal prompt I probably have written. You know, like you know, something very similar to like this um or a prayer or you know, like in a season of life where I can go back and go, Wow, I've felt unseen before, a hundred percent. And there's a life builder. Mm-hmm. Yeah, for sure.

Courtney 33:09

And therefore, such an invitation for intimacy with our creator.

Tessah 33:12

Yes, yes. And man, does he want that with us so much? Yeah, that's so good. Well,

Next Week Tease And How To Connect

Tessah 33:20

I'll I'll honestly we're just gonna end it there. There's no better ending than that. Um, and I hope you guys learned um a lot about Hagar, but also a lot about God in this. Um, I think as we're going through the series, that's our a lot of our hope is that you uh not only can relate and see that other women not only in their life but in scripture have walked through so many things that we still struggle with today and still live through and walk through and how God meets them. Yeah, he hasn't changed. And um, I hope that's something you have seen in the series so far. I've loved uh Hagar. This is such this is such a good one. Um it's so good. We could probably do 15 more episodes breaking down her story. Um but we are um yeah, we're next week we are gonna hit on Rachel and Leah. And if you know anything about their story, it's wild.

Courtney 34:13

And like a from like a family rivalry complex, because like so comp lens, yeah.

Tessah 34:20

The the same complex a lot.

Courtney 34:23

Well, yeah. From the from a family rivalry lens, because sometimes the people that we feel some of the biggest struggle with internally are the people that are in real close proximity to us. Yeah um and you've been comparing yourselves to them and competing with them since the day you were born.

Tessah 34:41

Yeah, yeah, that's good. Yeah, it's gonna be a good one. So stay tuned. And if you like this episode, feel free to leave us a review or share it with a friend and check check in with us at the Table of Grace on Instagram and Table of Grace podcast on Facebook. We'd love to see you there. And let us know if you have any questions, and we will see you next week. Have a great week.