The Wild Alaska Adventure

Ron shares a hilarious family vacation story from an Alaska cruise in the early 2000s that became legendary for all the unexpected characters and unforgettable moments along the way.

The adventure begins with a special inland excursion to a remote fish hatchery, reached by bush plane. During the flight, Ron, his brother-in-law, and his young son meet an eccentric gentleman from Palo Alto, California. The man's unusually serious demeanor and distinctive voice strike Ron's son as endlessly funny, leading to nonstop imitations for the remainder of the trip.

Upon arriving at the hatchery, the group is treated to an incredible sight: multiple black bears feasting on the seasonal salmon run. While enjoying the spectacle, Ron chats with the hatchery owner and guide. Their conversation is interrupted by a tourist who appears dressed for a luxury ski resort rather than the Alaskan wilderness. The disgruntled visitor loudly complains that the bears are "not wild enough." The owner, clearly astonished, responds that the bears are very much wild—they're simply too busy devouring salmon to pay attention to tourists!

But the biggest adventure comes after the cruise ends in Anchorage. Determined to create his own off-the-beaten-path excursion, Ron secretly tells his son—careful not to alarm his in-laws—that local newspapers recently reported bear attacks in the area they're about to visit. "This is going to be really wild," he promises.

At a nearby forest park, father and son encounter a man stepping out of a pickup truck looking as though he'd walked straight out of an adventure movie. He wears a rugged explorer's hat, carries a large handgun on his belt, and has a shotgun slung across his back. Curious, Ron asks why he's carrying so much firepower. The man replies matter-of-factly, "Nobody goes into this forest without being armed."

At that point, Ron and his son decide their homemade wilderness excursion has probably gone far enough.

It's another classic Boomers on the Edge tale—filled with colorful characters, questionable decisions, and just enough bear-related excitement to make for a story that still gets laughs years later.

•  Boomer rating: Below the Edge.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Hey, and welcome to Boomers on the Edge. So guys in their 60s who still think they're 60. Your host, Kat and Ron. Let's get started.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

Oh Ron, that's an interesting selection of music for this game.

SPEAKER_01 0:26

It's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_00 0:28

Yeah. To me, it's a little bit outdoorsy. It sounds a little bit like First Nations type of people.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

It's called literally Alaska.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Oh. And I recently went to Alaska just after I retired with my wife on a trip. Yeah. Yeah. And that was my second time to the state. But didn't you have an interesting story to share with us about Alaska?

SPEAKER_01 0:52

I have a story that I'm sure when my son hears me telling it, he's going to start laughing. We uh similar to you went to uh a long time ago. My son was uh probably 13 years old, something like that.

SPEAKER_00 1:06

So we're talking 17, 18 years old.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

So we went on a cruise similar like like you just recently did to Alaska. So we went on some elaborate trips on the side. So one of them that we went on with my uh brother-in-law and my uh son was float trip into a fish hatchery. It was like a salmon hatchery.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:30

And so you got picked up at the boat, you went off on this on the picture going in this uh bush planes or whatever, you know, like they have with the with the pontoons on the bottom. Bush pilot. Like like I guess that's like the place in the world where there's more of those than anywhere. And there were another guy and we weren't sure, his girl his daughter or his girlfriend. We couldn't tell. And uh he's in the plane with us, so it was the five of us in the pilot. And they're sightseeing as well. They're going to the same destination, yeah. Exactly. So you get to fly around, you get to see Alaska and in the beautiful area, and then they flew you into this bay, way out in the nowhere, where this uh fish hatchery was.

SPEAKER_00 2:13

And now where there's fish in in uh Alaska, oftentimes you'll see bears, too.

SPEAKER_01 2:19

Oh god, yeah, yeah. Well, and that's that's what this trip was sold as is a bear. Oh uh bear watching watcher, whatever you want. Exactly. So you're ahead of me. And so this guy in the uh plane uh was hilarious because he was from Palo Alto, and my son being like 13 years old at the time wouldn't quit mimicking the guy afterwards because he was like I won't say his last name because but he he uh he kept I'll just say his last name was Marsh. I'll just say it that way. And he kept going, we'll just call him Joe Marsh. It doesn't really matter. I think just the way he said Marsh was so funny because he kept going, we're like you know, we couldn't figure out this really good looking girl's in the plane with us. And and we couldn't tell if it was his daughter or his girlfriend, you know, we couldn't tell. And my brother-in-law at the time who was single, he was trying to hit on her and he was kind of kind of pissing off the the the dude. Marsh. So my son, my son's talking to the guy, and he's like, uh we're like, hi, who are you? He goes, just like this, he's like Joe Marsh, Palo Alto. And my son, you know how little kids are, like the whole rest of the trip, he'd like I'd be like, I'd see my son on the cruise or something, like he'd be like, I'm Joe Marsh, Palo Alto. Okay, just stop with the Joe Marsh, okay? If I called him right now, I'd be Joe Marsh, Palo Alto. He'd start laughing. So we're laughing right from the beginning. So we get to this, we fly in, we get into this hatchery, and I try, I gotta try to describe this to you. It's a hatchery year-round, but they let people come in because they can make money, showing them the bears. So what happens is they have like a fake like river thing where the salmon come up, uh, this like tunnel, like this, like like it's a fake river they build. Yeah. So the fish think they're going up a stream, but they're not. They're going right, they're swimming right into the hatchery, is what they're doing. Okay. Okay. And so what happens is the black bear, they were no brown, uh, we were hoping for brown, but you know, for grizzly or whatever. Yeah. But it was honestly, it was black bear. And the black bear come in, and I mean like during this certain period of time when the when the fish are running. I don't want to exaggerate, but there must have been at least 20 bear in the area at the time. Okay. So these people, they bring them in from different ways to get to this hatchery, and they kind of have this area where you're supposed to look at the fish, you know, and or look at the bear. And you just kind of stay there. And but the bear, you know, they're they're running everywhere. Okay. Now, uh, when we get into the hatchery, I get talking to the guy who's like giving us a tour of the hatchery, and then then they're going to take you outside to where this is where you can view the bear. I get talking to him and I'm telling him, you know, he I telling him I'm from Michigan. He goes, Oh, I love Michigan people, you know. He goes, Love the UP. You know, they're my kind of people. You know, we we can I I told him and I spend time in the UP uh camping and hunting and such. And and so we kind of had like a little bit of a relationship bonding right there. And there's a crew of people that had come from various, I don't know how they all got and Palo Alto, and Mr. Palo Alto's there. And honestly, there's at this whole place watching, there might be 50, 60 people. So there's multiple planes in there and stuff. Yeah. And the people that are in the tour with us are maybe 20 people. I don't know how they all got in there with these different planes. He walks us through the tour and then we go outside. And these bear, and I got great pictures and everything, these bear just they're attacking the fish. And he's telling people, you know, be careful because if the bear, the bear don't give a crap about you because they just care about the fish right now. But these are, you know, the these are wild bear and and uh you know, don't you know, if they come into the area where we're at, just let them kind of walk. They'll literally might just walk by, okay, like within feet. Okay. So we're standing there. So then this group of people, and they must have been really rich. They were dressed to the nines. They had gold uh everything on. The women were uh had uh, you know, in high heels, like because it was cool out, they they had like little fancy winter coats with like little fur around them that they had bought and and and the girls. It probably was not faux fur. It I don't know, and but there the the men, the women, there were like a couple of like maybe two couples, or maybe three couples, and they they had come in on some other plane and they were dressed to the nines, they they were really, really looked like they had some money. And they had an accent, you know, Spanish accent. And that's I mean, that's how we kind of figure us thought they were from Mexico. They were from somewhere, they might have been from South America for all I know, to be honest with you. The guy who's with these other women, uh, these ch these really rich looking women from the metrosexuality. They're Latin looking people, yeah. But it that the only part it's funny is the point is he comes up, he goes, he comes, goes to the guide who I've been hanging with. He goes, uh the guy who like runs the place, he says, the bear. I'm like, he's like, what? Yeah, the bear. He goes, the bear are not wild enough. My son's like, look at what? And the guy goes, he says to him, the bear they're not wild enough. Look at them, they're just not wild enough. And oh my god, this guy, he's like, sir, I can assure you those are wild bear. Okay, yeah, wild. And then the guy just walks away, and the guy turns to me and he goes, I wish that bear would tear his leg off right now. He goes, he goes, These are wild bear, they just don't care about you right now. Okay, so that's the funny part. Yeah, is is my son then kept for the whole rest of the trip running around going, it didn't matter what it was. If we were like in the restaurant, like if there was like a if there were they were if they were serving salmon or something, it'd be like the salmon, they're just not wild enough. And so so that was, and then you know, and I'm Joe Marsh. So he was having fun. Palo Alto from Palo Alto, exactly. I gotta say Palo Alto. So that was the funny part. The other part that happened on the trip that was hilarious, and and I'll end here, is at the end of the trip, as you may recall, you end up with your tour. Wait, what city are you in? Oh, uh I don't know. Uh you mean where the wild where it wasn't wild enough? Yeah. I don't know. I don't, I can't remember.

SPEAKER_00 9:09

And where was the end of your trip at?

SPEAKER_01 9:10

Well, in Anchorage. Anchorage. Yeah. So we started in uh probably the same place you started in Canada there. Yeah, Vancouver. In Vancouver, and you go up the thing and through the whole the whole the inland passage. Inland passage. We get to Anchorage, and I'm like, you know, I am still hasn't seen it in a wild enough, you know. It hasn't been wild enough, you know. I tell my son, well, when we get there, we got one day and then we have to fly out. And so the in-laws who were with us, I you know, I said, I'll tell you what, I'm gonna set up our own excursion. So I couldn't find it at the time, and it was a long time ago. You couldn't get rental cars there. So like I went to some like, you know, looked like they were like all Russians, like they were all four. I don't know why they were a Russian, but I had to go to some Russians to rent a car. I get this piece of crap van that looked like something they probably owned personally. I had read in a magazine that people had been attacked because I I was into wanting to see more bear, you know. Wild, wild. I wanted to see real wild bear. And what happens is in the article it said that these people had been attacked and killed at this particular state park, which was just on the edges of Anchorage.

SPEAKER_00 10:21

By the way, let me just add to this. And I just went there this past year. There's not a lot to do in Anchorage, so the fact that you jumped in the car to go somewhere, yeah, you actually had the right plan. Exactly. Yeah, there are people still to this day that still have cars for people to rent for personal use during the day. Okay, so it's the same way. Same way. Yeah. I mean, there's nothing to do in Anchorage. You go to the zoo, but it's not even that good of a zoo.

SPEAKER_01 10:47

So, well, yes, there is, you just go see animals. Well, that's what I mean. So we go to this state park. I won't, I don't even know if I know the name of it, but I will just say this it's on the ex, it's on the literally on the edges of Anchorage. I think we went by it. And we go there, and I had read this article about all these people who had been killed. So I'm telling my son, and my son, being a little guy, he's like, This is great. And I you go, don't tell grandma and grandpa. Oh, they're with you now. Oh, yeah. So they're on the Ron's excursion, which is going to be wild. Okay. We get there, they have all these signs up that say, don't go down this trail, because the like I've already explained, the salmon are running and the bear are now right here.

SPEAKER_00 11:29

And let me let me add to this. Yeah, where you're at, it's not just black bear. No, you're talking about brown bear.

SPEAKER_01 11:36

No, which are like absolutely, yeah, absolutely. My son kept coming up to me. He's like, Dad, when are we gonna see some big bear? Grandma and grandpa don't know anything. I know, I know, don't tell them anybody got galled here last week. We're there, we saw some really big moves on my my own personal excursion here. Okay, and so we pull a car the car up, and this guy gets out of his car, and he looks like you know, uh, he's out of Raiders of the Lost Ark with the hat and the outfit on. Yeah, and he's got a sawed-off shotgun on his back in it, like in a special backpack, like yeah, and he's got a big uh, I don't know what the right at least. Yeah, I don't I think there's a bigger gun you can use for bear. He's got a big handgun. There's a 50 cal, that's really cute. It's big. And I look at him and I say, because he's getting out of his car next to us. I says, hey, you know, I'm from Michigan, and I even go hunting, and you know, I mean, I'm familiar with how what month was it? I'm guessing this is a long time ago, August or something. I don't know where it was. So it's like long before the Michigan hunt bear hunting. Whenever, whenever the salmon run. Yeah. Whenever the salmon run in in Alaska. That's August. Does that sound right? Yeah. So I said to him, you know, just out of curiosity, I mean, you got a lot of arms there and some big, you know. I mean, what are you hunting? He looks at me like I'm insane. I go, well, I mean, in Michigan, if you were armed up like that and you're walking around in the woods, you basically have to have a hunting license. Well, you don't have to in Alaska. You can you can just carry anything you want, okay? He looks at me like I'm a nut. Like he thinks you are. I'm like uh I'm like a meterosexual.

SPEAKER_00 13:19

Like there you go. Your hair's probably nicely cut.

SPEAKER_01 13:22

From the other episode. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, what? He goes, and he just looks at me like disgusted. He goes, Where do you think you're at? And I'm thinking, my son's looking at me like, yeah, we're at where a bunch of people got killed by a bear. And he goes, uh, if you're gonna walk around this woods, you better be armed. And he just went off into the distance. And my son started laughing, saying, You think we should get them back in the car?

SPEAKER_00 13:51

Yeah, I think that was a prudent thing to do. Yeah, so that was it.

SPEAKER_01 13:56

That's the story. That's interesting.

SPEAKER_00 13:58

So you never did see a bear on that particular part of the trip. When we were walking, yeah. No, maybe it's good. Maybe it is good. Just so you know, when we went just this past, like last April-ish, when you walk on the because we went on some excursions where we were walking through these meadows and it was on a bear sighting tour. We ended up not seeing any bear. So you have an armed individual in front of you. Yep. You have an armed individual in back of the group, yep, and they have guides, not guides, but they have like spotters along the trail that are all in communication with the two gunners, the front, the lead, and the rear gunner people, and they have to allow you to move to the next location. Yeah, and that's how it is out there, and it is because of the brown bears, which will eat you.

SPEAKER_01 14:49

Yeah, so my personal excursion to find a more wild bear might not have been such a smart idea without the proper guns.

SPEAKER_00 14:58

Right.

SPEAKER_01 14:59

All right, thanks for listening. All right, hey, thanks for joining us here on Boomers on the Edge. We hope you'll join us again. And until then, have a great time. Thank you, Mm.