To The Stake

Welcome back everyone. A weird week here with your host Riley Purser. We were joined with Julian, Vivian and our Barmaid Lola. Talking about High school Friendships, D*sney Casting, and Some Same sided love.

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[DISCLAIMER] 
All comments made in this video are purely satirical and for comedic/entertainment purposes only. This is a comedy video. Do not take anything said in the video seriously. All people seen in this video are actors, this video was filmed on a film set with professionals. Comments made by actors are not to be confused with the real opinions of the actors. This is a staged comedic performance.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Do your intro, buddy.

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to the Dragon Cacti. Welcome to the Dragon Cacti Podcast.

SPEAKER_01 0:09

I'm all to you. Welcome. To the Drunken Cacti Podcast, where the arguments are dumb, logic is slurred, and we are bound to make someone upset to breathe the same air as us. I'm your host, Riley Purser. Joined today with Julian. I like how all the dude, all the microphone levels were just way up. And Vivian?

SPEAKER_03 0:30

Hi.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

We got Lola.

SPEAKER_03 0:33

Hi.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

Today's a beautiful day here in the state of Arizona. Beautiful day. What? Did the sun look extra nice today? Vivian, it's been a while since we've seen you.

SPEAKER_02 0:48

I know.

SPEAKER_01 0:49

And it doesn't hurt my feelings that much, but just a little bit. Just you put a fan on that one, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:56

I'm busy. Just a lot. We missed you. Oh well, I missed you guys too.

SPEAKER_01 1:01

It can't just be me and Julian all the time. I know. It's kind of a sausage fest, usually. That's why we brought in Lola. We had to.

SPEAKER_02 1:09

Oh. Me and Joshua have been working every weekend tirelessly on the show.

SPEAKER_01 1:14

And you know who brought them together? The Drone Cacti podcast. If you want to go ahead and watch that video, it's going to be right over here. Link in the description too. Yep. You can also click the little eye in the top. It's going to be that side, I think. Top right corner.

SPEAKER_05 1:29

That's still up. That's a good one. No, stage right.

SPEAKER_01 1:32

Watching this stage right. Yeah. I see. You gotta think theater terms. Yeah, exactly. Lola's still getting used to this, so yeah. Yeah. See, I'm just gonna be a good one. It's a free end.

SPEAKER_03 1:42

Julian was too.

SPEAKER_01 1:43

He was like, well, listen. Luckily, I was never one of those weird little theater kids that are questionably gay. The amp kids? I I still hung out with the amp kids. Vivian was an amp kid. Listen, bro, the amped kid was the post. Oh, you were a toaster kid, weren't you?

SPEAKER_02 2:00

Toastered.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Oh. Toaster. You don't know what the toaster was? No. No. Oh. That's Chloe, she'll tell you. Um, so you know at the amphitheater, if you're looking up the stairs, right? So away from this away from like the building behind you, to the left, there's like those seats inside that little area. Maybe. It well, they're like a bunch of picnic tables. Oh, yeah. Inside. They called it the toaster. You're you're talking about the actual spot that sits under the awning, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's like walls around it, and then you have like doorways that go in. Because they were brick walls. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:35

At the stairs at the amphitheater, that field on this side. Yeah. And like all of those benches and everything. Oh, that's where I hung out. I hung out over there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:43

Yeah, no, they call it the toaster over there because it gets hot as hell on the inside. But those were like the suicidal kids. I hung out in the uh what is it called? Not suicidal kids. The emo kids. No, no, no. I'm trying to think. What's this? You're supposed to say online. The unaliving kids. Yeah, the unaliving kids. See, I hung out in the amphitheater because it was cool, bro. Like, listen. You would hang out in the amphitheater. Listen, dude. All the weirdos you would see in the amphitheater made it worth it. Like, bro. I just love life. Entertaining. They were like the ones that had leashes on their partners.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

Walk in high school.

SPEAKER_03 3:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

It was crazy. It was crazy.

SPEAKER_03 3:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:25

They were all the band kids.

SPEAKER_03 3:26

You're just walking around with leashes on?

SPEAKER_01 3:27

Not all the band kids. A lot of the band kids would also hang out in the toaster. Yeah, the cell phone aliving kids. So the band kids would hang out in the toaster, cafeteria, and in the band room. Well, I don't even know. What was the demographic of the people in the cafeteria? Everyone else.

SPEAKER_02 3:47

I was kind of all over the place.

SPEAKER_01 3:49

The amphitheater was mostly the theater kids from what I was trying to do. It was the theater and the theater tech kids. Because that's also how I found my best friend Kamarion Brown, who self-proclaimed himself. Self-unalived himself? No, no, no. Oh, okay. But he did self-proclaim himself as my slave in high school. Oh, yeah, he let you say the n-word, right? But you never did it. He never did it. He got the pass, but he didn't do it. Now I am a changed man. I am a changed man. So now you say it. But that so no, I had I had this friend back in uh high school, Kamarion Brown, the coolest kid you ever met. If you if you had a picture of him in your head, it's the black kid from Stranger Things but with glasses. Cool kid, awesome kid. He would go up to random people and say, say the N-word. But he would say the hard R himself to the person, and every single person would obviously, logically, be like, nah, nah, dude. No, I'm good. I'm alright. He went up to me and he was like, say hard R. And and of course he wouldn't do it. He wouldn't do it. Yeah, I wouldn't do it on paper. Oh, immediately. I said it, yes. I yelled, I yelled aloud and proud. Because he is asking me to do it. I'm like, you know what?

unknown 5:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:13

Let me ask you a question. We became best friends after this. I have two questions. Okay. One, what do you guys think as there's no minorities here in the room? So I don't know if we're allowed to comment on this. But do you think no? What do you think about minorities using the N-word who are not black? So Mexican, Asian, Indians don't do it a lot, but I'm sure they have the past. I used to think it's just a word, whatever, but at the same time, now I'm I'm much more on the side of listen. One, it's a demographic of who you're around. Obviously, don't say it to a stranger. If your homies are chill with it, your homies are chill with it. If your homies ain't chill with it, your homies ain't chill with it. Get new hearies. Yeah. Well, like no, no.

SPEAKER_02 6:00

The homies just have to deal with it.

SPEAKER_01 6:02

That's true. Yeah, it's kind of like the day them transformers.

SPEAKER_02 6:05

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

We'll ride that silence out for a minute. They just gotta deal with it sometimes, you know? It's not fair. But yeah. I'm a changed man. So I I I do see those words a little bit differently from how I used to. They do hold a little bit of power. I'll give them that. Yeah. They only have the power that you allow the word to have. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:26

But sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:33

But apparently words do hurt. Here's my other question, because I've heard this is a real thing where people in a relationship. I don't know if it's normally men or women. I really don't know, but I've heard it where there will be like a black man or black woman in a relationship with a white person.

SPEAKER_04 6:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:49

And they want to be called that during sexual intercourse. Never as a demean, like a demeaning like role play.

SPEAKER_05 7:00

I mean, I wouldn't just surprise, but I've never heard anyone that's wild.

SPEAKER_01 7:06

Wild at me. I'm all over. Oh my gosh. I thought you were a changed man. I've talked to a couple girls that are like that. See, I told him it's a real thing. It is insane. And honestly, it's a good thing. Do you think actually hard though? It is so hard, too. I wasn't if you were put in that position. I I wasn't able to bring myself to do that.

SPEAKER_00 7:28

I was like, listen, if you I'm gonna laugh. Yeah, Edward.

SPEAKER_01 7:37

Sorry, my bad.

SPEAKER_02 7:38

I think that would make the derogatory aspect of it work.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

Maybe that's what they wanted you to do.

SPEAKER_00 7:44

They'd be like, oh, oh, Eddie's laughing at this.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

Yeah, nah, it's it it it is a tough one because it's like once you actually feel like the word has something, it's like it is hard to call them that. Yeah. It is a comedy-based podcast. This is all said for satirical purposes. We do not condone, support, or agree with the ideologies stated on this podcast. Our personal opinions do not reflect those upon what is stated on this podcast. The statement is legally binding. Oh, you were like one of those little fruity fruofoos.

SPEAKER_02 8:32

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 8:34

I thought the boyfriend was just a front.

SPEAKER_02 8:37

Yeah, because he's your boyfriend.

SPEAKER_01 8:39

Hey man, what me and him do on Saturdays is none of your business. Saturdays are for the boys. Exactly. What are you doing here? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:46

I can go get it right now.

SPEAKER_01 8:48

We're gonna need to switch this up. Bring in Josh. No, I want Josh to wear it this time. Oh, okay. I'll just say I'm gonna switch. I'm not always the bottom. With him, you will be. No, no, no, no, no, no. We're still gonna switch. He'll like it. You are a little bit of a twink, Julian.

SPEAKER_04 9:17

If you're gonna get away, you're wearing your massage later or no.

SPEAKER_01 9:20

If you were gay, you would be a twink. No. No. You better start putting on some weight then there, buddy.

SPEAKER_02 9:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:27

I've I listen, man. Exactly. You're always twink. You're sorry, I don't want to be big and fat like you guys. You really think it's okay to be feminine feminine, Julian. You could be a woman. You're allowed now.

SPEAKER_03 9:43

I'm well hit he asked to match his hair.

SPEAKER_01 9:46

Did you know that recently, in the last, what has it been like four or five years? We've had the biggest spike in testicular injuries in women's sports.

SPEAKER_03 9:56

We're wild.

SPEAKER_01 10:01

Okay, I'm actually pissed, and I'm gonna say it right now. Did you hear? Because right now they're trying to do the casting. No, they're trying to do the casting for Tangled.

SPEAKER_03 10:09

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

And they took Sabrina Carpenter out of the running.

SPEAKER_03 10:12

Yeah, she's not fitting for that role. I'm pissed. Well, I'm sorry. She doesn't fit the role.

SPEAKER_01 10:19

She looked fairly close if you put the two images close together.

SPEAKER_03 10:23

This is supposed to be a high school age child.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

So Sabrina Carpenter's not look old. Have you seen her in the SNL?

SPEAKER_01 10:32

They can change it very quickly. Oh, Sabrina Carpenter. Someone's a little jealous of Sabrina Carpenter.

SPEAKER_02 10:39

She's not fitting this like so. I mean, I support that, but that's not like her brand. Being in a like a Disney movie like that, like that's not her brand.

SPEAKER_01 10:50

She's already been in Disney.

SPEAKER_02 10:52

Well, right, but like her current like music and like the brand she's putting out and everything, like that's not it isn't really in line with the side.

SPEAKER_01 11:00

I don't know. Sabrina Carpenter does kind of throw out like I want to be an actress vibe. I mean, have you seen half of her music videos? She definitely wants to play a character.

SPEAKER_03 11:15

Yeah. There is there's nothing about her that would fit that character.

SPEAKER_01 11:19

The whole point of being an actor or actress is making yourself feel sexy. I already figured it out. Um Tegan Croft. They already announced it. Who is that? That sounds like a dude. I know, I thought so too. No, it's not a dude. I don't who did she play. She was in Titans, True Spirit, Legends of Tomorrow. A bunch of movies that are not very popular. Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 11:46

And nobody would see.

SPEAKER_02 11:48

They cast in Milo Van Game or What's His Bucket as this one. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:55

Never, never seen her before in my life. You know what Julian's favorite animated film is? K-pop Demon Hunters.

SPEAKER_03 12:04

He does not like it. What is your favorite?

SPEAKER_01 12:07

Wait, wait, sing it, sing it. This is my favorite part. Go ahead, Julian. All I know is my little soda pop. My little soda pop.

unknown 12:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:18

I made him watch it. So you forced me to watch it in bed with him. It was the night before my wedding, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_03 12:25

It was so rummy.

SPEAKER_01 12:25

Wasn't it the night before my wedding? Yeah, it was the night before his wedding.

SPEAKER_03 12:29

I said.

SPEAKER_01 12:29

We laid in his bed together. I was like, bro, you have to watch this. I'm getting married tomorrow. I know he's watched it since. I'm not. Maybe the annoying commercial that keeps using that damn song. And it pisses me off. My Minnesota puzzles.

SPEAKER_03 12:50

That's what he's planning to play with your guy, Vivian.

SPEAKER_02 12:53

So he's actually never seen the movie.

SPEAKER_01 12:58

Because he doesn't want to or just never got around to it.

SPEAKER_02 13:00

Just never got around to it. I know. I'm trying to fix it.

SPEAKER_01 13:03

No, it's a horrible movie. We need to get a projector. It is so not worth watching.

SPEAKER_03 13:12

That's our rum. We have your you can do the dark rum or the light rum.

SPEAKER_01 13:16

So yeah, you can either do dark rum or light rum. It's called so it's a light-skinned redneck Russian if you use the white rum. If you would use the dark rum, it's obviously a dark skin redneck Russian.

SPEAKER_03 13:28

Okay, what's next?

SPEAKER_01 13:29

So next you do about a third of uh the red or you know a third of mango juice.

SPEAKER_03 13:37

We're gonna get some mango juice out.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

Now remember, the white rednecked Russian is gonna be a lot sweeter, you're gonna taste less of the alcohol. The dark rednecked Russian, you will taste a little bit of the alcohol. So for those of you who like a good drink and actually want to taste, that's not that's good.

SPEAKER_03 14:01

That's good? Okay. That's the first one. Just your mango juice.

SPEAKER_01 14:08

A little bit more, just to keep it proportionate to the others so they all look the same.

SPEAKER_03 14:13

More mango juice.

SPEAKER_01 14:17

This one I came up with myself. This is one of those uh pantry finds where it's what you've got in the pantry, you throw it together, boom, you made a good drink. If you ever watched this show, Archer, you know what I'm talking about. Now, you're gonna do the rest with Mountain Dude. This is the redneck part. Do the do Can you sing? Come on. Get get get you gotta get in with the energy. Stop looking at your phone, bro. Because I've sound do cover the whole.

SPEAKER_03 14:47

I know.

SPEAKER_01 14:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 14:48

Even though he's saying it.

SPEAKER_01 14:49

Well, you can say it, you just can't show it. Do the do. Wait, no, that's trademarked. Yeah, that is.

SPEAKER_03 14:55

So the whole thing? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:57

Just top off the rest. Yeah, if you just cover with your hand enough, you you can't tell. Just say it backwards. Do the do. Not trademarked now, I said it backwards actually. Alright. When you do it with the dark one, it almost tastes very similar to a uh uh a uh oh man, what's that one? Um a whiskey sour. Oddly enough. Alright. Oh, they're gonna be a little bit. That's fine. The dark one is so much better. Down the other drink. Okay, go ahead and do your thing real quick.

SPEAKER_03 15:41

Alright, so we have the what is it called again?

SPEAKER_01 15:45

White redneck Russian if you're using white rum. Dark redneck Russian if you're using, you know, dark rum.

SPEAKER_03 15:54

Okay. So please like, subscribe, comment, text into the line, and let's see how the guys like it.

SPEAKER_01 16:02

And Vivian. So let's taste them. Was it like really rummy for you or is it just No, hold on. It tastes like something specific. God, the dark, the dark one is so good. It's got that like perfect little bit of a cake. You gonna make yourself what does it taste like?

SPEAKER_02 16:23

I know. I have no idea, but it's tell me. Diego went tinkle with me.

SPEAKER_03 16:28

He followed me into the bathroom. That is that is a dog.

SPEAKER_01 16:34

You should at least try it. It tastes like a melted lemonade. He's reaching for yours.

SPEAKER_03 16:40

Can I try yours? Yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 16:43

Unless you want to try the dark skin one. The dark skin one I think is much better.

SPEAKER_03 16:49

Let me compare them.

SPEAKER_01 16:55

Really? I think the dark skin one is really fing good. Because it actually has like that little taste of alcohol, like a darker alcohol.

SPEAKER_03 17:04

Yeah, the other ones you'd get picked up faster.

SPEAKER_01 17:07

Yeah, the other ones you would taste the alcohol. And you'd just be drinking drinking. Yeah, I used to drink those all the time in high school. I when I was twenty wait.

SPEAKER_03 17:17

When you were twenty-one.

SPEAKER_01 17:18

When I was twenty-one, I first turned twenty-one. I got scarred the other day, guys.

SPEAKER_03 17:24

What happened?

SPEAKER_01 17:27

I think we're letting the trans into too many workplaces. Oh so when the whole like trans thing kind of became like a little bit less taboo, you know what I mean? On the hub, they were very clear in the titles. They're not so clear now. Stepsister. So when I thought it was a girl. Stepsister blows brother. Oh, let me watch that. And it puts you in a really weird position when you're like, damn, this chick's hot. It's not a chick. She's kind of hot. What's the one?

SPEAKER_02 18:07

I don't watch porn. You all know my thoughts on the trans community, so I don't think it's an issue, but again, I don't watch porn.

SPEAKER_01 18:18

She sure knows how to suck dude.

SPEAKER_00 18:19

Oh, she knows how to suck because she's a dude.

SPEAKER_01 18:24

Sorry, Vivian. Come on, that was kind of funny. That was funny. I mean, it takes a guy to know how to suck a guy off. That's what I'm saying. Do you think that's a real thing?

SPEAKER_00 18:36

So let me ask you a different in a different thing.

SPEAKER_01 18:40

Well, that's what I'm saying. Like for gay men and lesbian women, do you think they know how to do it better because they know how like they know what they want?

SPEAKER_03 18:49

They know what they want. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:50

So you're not supposed to ask yourself these questions because the problem is you start wandering, but like, shit, they probably do. And that's because like I know the places where it feels good.

SPEAKER_02 19:02

Right. And I've been with women, so like Burn of the Steak.

SPEAKER_01 19:07

Go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 19:07

Unkno.

SPEAKER_01 19:09

Sorry.

SPEAKER_02 19:09

So like I've been with women. So yeah, I would say, like, being with a woman, like I mean, when you're receiving, is it different than from a dude?

SPEAKER_01 19:18

You're not That's what I'm saying. Riley, if you Is it enough to turn me? I don't think so. You know, but it does keep so it does keep me up at night, though. So it's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 19:30

With like giving a hand job.

SPEAKER_01 19:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:33

I can't I don't feel comfortable like successfully giving a hand job to a guy when he knows.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

If you're able to make a guy complete from a hand job, I think he's a virgin. I don't think he's really good at it. Or you might be a dude because you know how a guy might go. That's how is that how you find out if you're trans? If a girl's really good at giving handjobs? If she knows how to give a really good hand job, might be a dude.

SPEAKER_02 20:00

That was a conversation me and my partner actually could have. I can't give you a hand job the way you want it. Like, I can't compete with the master.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

No, for sure. He's got years under the belt. I can't compete with the master baiter. Shout out, Charlie Kirk.

SPEAKER_02 20:19

Boy. But a really interesting thought process. Like, he kind of combated me with that. It's like, yeah, even though it'll take time for you to learn like pressure and everything.

SPEAKER_01 20:31

Time. This dude's got how old is he? 20 years of better's belt?

SPEAKER_02 20:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:36

Well, I mean, he wasn't jerging off exception.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

Right. No, some of my best word jarg drop at seven drops.

SPEAKER_02 20:42

Alright, yeah, he's 27, but he's he's got experience. And so but an interesting thought process he provided for me was that like he's used to the feeling of his hand. So like how he likes men's hands.

SPEAKER_01 21:00

He likes the calluses.

SPEAKER_02 21:03

So, but like that gets more monotonous for him versus like another person's hand and like still trying to figure out like the pressures and everything, like it feels a little bit better to him because it's foreign.

SPEAKER_01 21:20

Does that make sense? Yeah, no, for sure. Right. Well, here's the best way that I know, right? Because women don't have any type of extremity that were that is like that. Right. Tell me if I'm wrong, Julian. The proper way is each finger has a different strength. Yes. You can't do all four, you can't do all four fingers hard, you can't do them all soft, okay? Yeah. They all have to be at different strengths at different intervals.

SPEAKER_05 21:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:47

It's a whole science. There will be times where you will use one finger. Yeah. Yeah. Two fingers. That's true. There might be some times where you use all your fingers. You're wrong about that. There are some women who will use it. No, no, no. Is better. But it's like thinking about jacking off a dude. Yeah. Oh. Sorry. I looked at the floor. I'm saying like the strength. Okay. Because normally if you're like, oh, cool, I'm just going through the motions, the top finger is putting more pressure on than the bottom finger.

SPEAKER_02 22:18

Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:19

So it's like it's a whole thing. Yeah. It gets pretty complicated. No, I almost imagine like as a chick, like, how how would a chick have to do it? It's all it's always the same. And I just feel like a woman with another woman is gonna know a lot more.

SPEAKER_02 22:34

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:36

Because I heard you don't want to press super hard. Well, I mean, I, but I've also heard it depends on the person.

SPEAKER_02 22:41

It does depend on the person, but you're not gonna want to go like you play every guitar differently. Julian's got it.

SPEAKER_01 22:52

Why do you not have a uh that's what I'm saying? I I you guys fail to understand that I've had experience with it. I'm good at it. I know I'm good at it. I'm reserving myself for a b that deserves this level of goodness.

SPEAKER_03 23:04

It's because he doesn't want to pay to take her on a date.

SPEAKER_01 23:06

That's yeah. See, that's the thing though, that's the weirdest thing, is I learned all my skills from a dishwashing sink.

SPEAKER_00 23:14

But what yeah, no, no, no, he's got it, he's got a point because when it's the Denny's delight.

SPEAKER_01 23:19

When you're washing a dish, there's no wrong like flicking the water. Bingo!

SPEAKER_02 23:26

Artemis too. Have you guys kind of kept tabs on that?

SPEAKER_01 23:31

What? Semi.

SPEAKER_02 23:33

It was a recent uh space adventure. Oh people again.

SPEAKER_01 23:39

So finally, again, if they even did the first time. And actually, did you know that for you? I was about to. There ain't no way we went to this space before. Thank you for joining us this week on the drunk character podcast. I'm your host, Riley Purzer. Joined here today with Julian, Vivian, Bola. We're here every Wednesday, 3 p.m. Arizona Standard Time. Tell your brother's ex wife about us. And wait, how'd you know? Comment your favorite color. Blue. Have a good rest of your week.

SPEAKER_03 24:15

Purple, green, blue.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

Bye.