Wrong Turn

Welcome back everyone. A weird week here with your host Riley Purser. We were joined with Julian, Chloe and Lola. Talking about Sharp Turns, Backwards cards, and Surprised pregnancies.

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[DISCLAIMER] 
All comments made in this video are purely satirical and for comedic/entertainment purposes only. This is a comedy video. Do not take anything said in the video seriously. All people seen in this video are actors, this video was filmed on a film set with professionals. Comments made by actors are not to be confused with the real opinions of the actors. This is a staged comedic performance.

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

Welcome to the Drunk Cat Guy Podcast, where the arguments are dumb, the logic is slurred, and we are bound to make somebody upset to breathe the same air as us. I'm your host, Ray Purser. Joined here today with Julian. Chloe.

SPEAKER_06 0:15

Hi guys.

SPEAKER_04 0:17

And Lola.

SPEAKER_06 0:18

Hi, everyone.

SPEAKER_04 0:21

How's everyone doing this week? You all have to say it at the exact same time.

SPEAKER_06 0:24

Great!

SPEAKER_02 0:28

I'm doing whack.

SPEAKER_05 0:32

Why are you whacking?

SPEAKER_04 0:34

I'm always whacking, bro. When am I not whacking? Yeah. Where else is this dude getting action from? No.

SPEAKER_07 0:40

Why are you whacking?

SPEAKER_04 0:41

Actually, that leads perfectly into my first question. What are we whacking? No. So prior to this, I was getting ready for the podcast. And I was in the bathroom thinking to myself, what am I gonna talk about? And I had I had a thought. So you know the male genitalia.

SPEAKER_05 0:59

Why are we going right into this?

SPEAKER_04 1:01

We have we have two different sources of fluid and they intersect into one exit, right? Is sperm peak? No. Oh we're not talking about women here. Where are you going with the what I'm going with this is do you think it's ever happened or it's possible that one instead of going through the exit, it actually only goes into one of the others? What happens? Wait, so you're just come. And like look no, no. Okay. You go to p to urinate.

unknown 1:40

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04 1:40

Let's say for some reason you have a blockage right after the intersection.

SPEAKER_06 1:45

Okay, blockages happen.

SPEAKER_04 1:48

But it what happens if it goes into your testicles? Yeah, would it overflow into your balls?

SPEAKER_06 1:56

See, it's an intersection. What if it makes a wrong turn? But that that's not the way that works.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

What if there's a wow, but what if there's a slowdown on the highway that forces the fucking exactly to go off the off ramp to the top? But it's not its exit. It's not its exit, but it has to take that exit.

SPEAKER_04 2:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:15

And the exit is to the balls.

SPEAKER_04 2:17

Yep.

SPEAKER_05 2:18

You're gonna be tracked as not the same as Arizona traffic under construction, dude.

SPEAKER_04 2:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 2:23

I don't know. Notice. Okay, hold on.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

My balls go through the same construction.

SPEAKER_04 2:28

Do you see what I'm saying? You see what I'm saying, though? Like what? Yeah, I mean, it's like a U-turn.

SPEAKER_05 2:34

That would probably have another.

SPEAKER_04 2:36

I'm sure it's happened at some point. Alola's over here actually looking it up to see if it's possible. Can your piss enter your balls if restricted? It has to. I know you women don't understand because yours is separate. But when it comes out of the same place.

SPEAKER_02 2:55

Well, I mean, you probably shove like a a a pin in there. Toothpick. Yeah, something to like block it.

SPEAKER_05 3:03

Trying to get like um you have like a paint bottle and it's like all sealed from it, like old paint, so you have to like stick a needle in it.

SPEAKER_02 3:11

Well, you some just well, guys have to do that sometimes. You know, shit. If you if you ever nut and you forget to clean it off the next day when you go and piss, you know.

SPEAKER_05 3:21

Oh shit, whatever. That does not happen.

SPEAKER_04 3:25

Why is yours hanging out at the beginning?

SPEAKER_02 3:28

No, I'm just saying, like you nut and you just you just forget to clean up the tip, you know, it's just a little bit there and it dries up.

SPEAKER_04 3:35

What do you got, Lilla? You you're telling me you've never had like four piss streams at once before.

SPEAKER_06 3:42

Oh, you need to go to the doctor.

SPEAKER_02 3:44

Well, no, it's not about going to the doctor, it's just your jizz dries up and you don't suck.

SPEAKER_06 3:51

It says that it can happen. What? But but wait, hold on. It can only happen after renal transplants. It's a urethral fistula where extra um like urine is a s getting into your testicles is a serious complication, but it can happen after you get a new kidney because that's what renal is. So it's after kidney surgery. It is not something that can happen just on a regular.

SPEAKER_04 4:27

So now my question is is how do you get it out?

SPEAKER_06 4:29

There is a there is a case report of a 48-year-old man with renal failure where urine gets into his testicles.

SPEAKER_02 4:38

P is thorough in the balls.

SPEAKER_06 4:40

All you have to do is beat off. I mean, it's extra storage.

SPEAKER_04 4:46

I'm thinking, you know, it'd be great. What if, man, God should have done this differently. What if it was like an overfill station, you know? Yeah, like an overfill drive or you're on the airplane, you know, you don't want no HEP B. Okay. Yeah. So it overflows and boom, you got more storage. Boom.

SPEAKER_06 5:02

And then what? It just swells up like a like a plastic bag storms. No.

SPEAKER_01 5:08

And then the girl can let her like squeeze your milk you.

SPEAKER_05 5:12

You know what would be better if you're melks you can't.

SPEAKER_04 5:15

You know what would be better if you could use your ever asked me to milk him? Oh, hold on. What's it called? What do you think you do in the first place?

SPEAKER_06 5:23

I think it would be hilarious. I'd totally milk your ass. Yeah, I'd milk someone. He's married. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:30

What is your okay, hold on. Now I actually need a scientific pause. Where does your urine uh stay? In your bladder. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, imagine, imagine the shots.

SPEAKER_06 5:42

Scientific stay.

SPEAKER_04 5:43

Imagine the shots. Because, you know, everybody knows this. This is a true fact. Your body never stops producing sperm.

SPEAKER_06 5:49

That's true.

SPEAKER_04 5:50

Right? If you hold it in for long enough, imagine if it could overfill your sperm into your bladder. In your bladder, bro. Imagine that shot after a week.

SPEAKER_06 5:58

Well, listen, your bladder, your bladder can expand so big. I know. That'd be a lot of fucking sperm.

SPEAKER_01 6:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 6:06

Just building up in there.

SPEAKER_01 6:07

Well, mine can't, bro. Why do I got a piss all the time?

SPEAKER_06 6:10

It would be a sperm fountain.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:14

That'd be what you need to pull up in the orchestra.

SPEAKER_02 6:16

We need a PD of. Thank you, chat GPT.

SPEAKER_04 6:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:19

Sperm fountain. Sperm fountain. Sperm fountain.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

Did you hear the theory?

SPEAKER_04 6:25

That's a good Disney ride. Sperm spent.

SPEAKER_05 6:28

Is it called a data center? Like the AI building that's like opening or it's already opened out in Arizona.

SPEAKER_02 6:34

Oh, yeah. There's a couple.

SPEAKER_05 6:36

It was just like crazy. It's like you would choose like, you know, it needs water to cool down like everything to make the AI, but like, why would they choose Arizona of all places? I think they also have one in Utah. It's like, why are you choosing deserts?

SPEAKER_04 6:50

Cheap land.

SPEAKER_05 6:51

It really? Do you think that's why? Well from the colour. They also get a lot of tax breaks. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 6:57

Oh my gosh. But the but still it's like you're probably spending more on like water and shit because it's just a bad rating. Because it's so good.

SPEAKER_04 7:05

Well, they also get it, they get a lot of deals with the water companies.

SPEAKER_05 7:09

Oh. I still think it's stupid.

SPEAKER_02 7:14

I wonder if those data centers are opening where uh the fires on Bush Highway was a few years back.

SPEAKER_04 7:21

Bush Highway, no. Imagine the coincidence.

SPEAKER_06 7:24

That would be crazy.

SPEAKER_04 7:26

No, did you hear more about the uh the data center that Jeff Bezos was gonna open in what was it, Buckeye? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, he was en route to buy the property, and all of a sudden there was a huge fire, and the property price went down.

SPEAKER_05 7:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 7:41

Oh, the property price went down crazy. I wonder who set that fire.

SPEAKER_06 7:45

Yeah, damn.

SPEAKER_04 7:46

Did you see Bonnie Blues pregnant?

SPEAKER_06 7:48

Is that real though? No, it is. No, because I've looked it up multiple times because there's been so many times they've said it. Every time they say it's just for publicity.

SPEAKER_04 7:58

No, she said that this one is real and she knows who the father is.

SPEAKER_06 8:02

Well, I thought she believed it when I see a picture of her looking pregnant.

SPEAKER_04 8:06

There is one.

SPEAKER_06 8:07

Well, I thought Yeah, but they before had one. And it would then it's how then how is I'm gonna look at her. She's gonna at some point give birth.

SPEAKER_04 8:17

How is the phrase, I'll believe it when I see her pregnant, if when I just said there's a picture and you said, Well, they did that before. Yeah, so it's not that you're gonna believe it when she's pregnant.

SPEAKER_06 8:30

Before I even saw her on the one talk show, they were saying she was pregnant and she wasn't, and there was a fake picture of her. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:40

With a due date in November of 2026. She announced her pregnancy in February following a highly publicized breeding mission event where she engaged in unprotected sex with roughly 400 men.

SPEAKER_06 8:50

How does she know who the father is?

SPEAKER_04 8:52

Because part of the thing is she had to get DNA from all 400 men. Oh. So she knows who the father is. I don't know if he knows. Oh, but she knows who it is.

SPEAKER_06 9:02

So well, here's my my only reason I always thought it was fake is because she had made an announcement that she had fertility issues in that podcast, though.

SPEAKER_04 9:12

Yeah, yeah. I'm sure with 400 men though, I think the odds might offset it. Well, I don't think that's how that quite works. When when when the Because a woman only has one one or two eggs at one time ready to go, right?

SPEAKER_05 9:29

Well, just because you have fertility doesn't mean you're one infertile.

SPEAKER_04 9:33

Yeah, you drop it one each time you have your period.

SPEAKER_06 9:37

Right? You well, you can drop more than that, but hence like twins and everything, but it but wait, I thought twins was a separation of one egg. It depends. It depends on because it could be one egg can split, and that's uh the identical, and then it can be more than one.

SPEAKER_05 9:58

And that's the fraternal, which is yeah, which is why they look different or they're different genders and everything.

SPEAKER_06 10:03

But but at that, who knows? Because she could have just been saying when people were questioning her because there were a lot of women questioning her about like like, oh, how is it okay that you're having sex with all these men? What if you get pregnant? What kind of mom would you want to be? And she's like, Well, I have fertile fertility issues. That could even have been a lie.

SPEAKER_05 10:22

It could have been lying, but like, even just because like just because you have fertility issues doesn't mean you're infertile. It might be harder for you to get pregnant, or if you do get pregnant, it sticks, but doesn't mean completely that you're infertile.

SPEAKER_04 10:35

What was it? A thousand men in 12 hours is what her one was. Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_02 10:43

Those men are just as bad as her.

SPEAKER_06 10:45

That's true.

SPEAKER_04 10:46

Uh a thousand and fifty-seven men in a single 12-hour window in London.

unknown 10:51

Jeez.

SPEAKER_02 10:52

Of course I was in London. You've probably seen that video.

SPEAKER_06 10:58

Have you seen that video?

SPEAKER_04 11:00

You've probably later. Yeah. No, Blue Later pushed for a more extreme 2000 man event. This crossed the platform's boundaries for extreme challenge content and resulted in her being banned from OnlyFans. They had a fluffer on set. So wait, what's a fluffer? What you don't know what a fluffer is? Is that a dude that just beats off the guy until he's ready to go? Usually not a dude if it's a guy, unless it's gay pornography, but it is another person that gets you going while you're waiting.

SPEAKER_06 11:37

So you only have 40 seconds to come.

SPEAKER_04 11:39

It said that that was the average was 40 seconds. Uh encounters were highly structured and short, averaging about 40 seconds per person.

SPEAKER_06 11:49

So you get one thrust and you hope you come and you move on to the next. I bet that's the fluffer was a man.

SPEAKER_04 11:58

I don't know. Julian, would you rather be at the front of the line or the back of the line?

SPEAKER_06 12:02

Front.

SPEAKER_05 12:03

Like it's a born case.

SPEAKER_06 12:04

You wanna you wanna go you wanna go at the end after it's just caked on there?

SPEAKER_04 12:11

Well, they all had to wear condoms, first of all. That was part of the case.

SPEAKER_06 12:15

Well, then how'd she get pregnant?

SPEAKER_04 12:16

This was a different event. I know, but like she got pregnant. Well, I already told you the breeding event, there were no condoms with 400 men.

SPEAKER_06 12:25

You didn't say no condoms, so I wasn't sure.

SPEAKER_04 12:28

It's a breeding convent. It's a breeding event. It's pretty in the name. To be fair.

SPEAKER_06 12:35

Oh, I didn't hear you say that.

SPEAKER_04 12:37

Yeah, so well, he said breeding.

SPEAKER_06 12:40

So wait, she purposely went to try to get pregnant.

SPEAKER_04 12:43

Yes, a breeding event.

SPEAKER_06 12:46

Hmm. That's interesting. Because that goes against everything she said in the last two podcasts she was on about how she was gonna wait till she was married and she was gonna have the family unit that she was fighting against all those girls that believe in like tread wipes and all things.

SPEAKER_04 13:03

If I made the money she made, I don't give a fuck. Pretty sure you can pay to get renovated.

SPEAKER_02 13:10

Lola, can you just start doing what she does and make us the kind of money she makes?

SPEAKER_06 13:15

Pokemon!

SPEAKER_01 13:17

Cool, we got some Prismatic Evolution's booster bundle.

SPEAKER_02 13:24

It was sealed. Was sealed. We already broke it open, though. Oh my god, dude. Look at that, look at that, look at all those. Look at all these little fucking look at all these.

SPEAKER_04 13:37

Why do these packs feel so weird? There's so much air in them. I was opening mine to it. Dude, what are the mood that was? Why are there so much air in these? Look at this. If you want to see my favorite way to open them, watch this. Since that was got so much air. Come on, let's see what we got. Basic energy. Ooh, holo. Hollow. Larry skill. Oh, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 14:09

Dinosaurs. Black belt training. Algo. Technical radio. Okay, cool. Yeah, that's what I do.

SPEAKER_02 14:27

It's actually kinda neat. Reloo? Actually, you can want to keep that. That could be worth something.

SPEAKER_04 14:32

Oh my god. Shit. Oh my god. Vaporon. Which one is it? Which one is it? Is that the one? That's not.

SPEAKER_07 14:41

That's an E1.

SPEAKER_04 14:42

There's no way. It's an EX. Was it a full illustration number? It's only 23 slash 133. It could be worth something. Oh, for sure. $3.

SPEAKER_07 14:52

Are you kidding?

SPEAKER_01 14:55

I'm still gonna play. What happened to yours?

SPEAKER_02 15:00

Oh man, we should have sold it. Should have kept it sealed. Oh no. Guys, it's looking like we shouldn't have opened these. Whoa, Julian, I literally just opened it.

SPEAKER_04 15:12

What the f? I literally just opened it and there's a card backwards. I don't know. Basic energy. What the f dragloak? Look at this from a machine. Yeah, from a machine. Professor's research. Hippodin. Kalucha. With a f area zero underdips. Oh. Reggie. Reggie just. Whoa, another Pokeball. That's what that one's got Asian on it. Oh, you can feel it too. I know that it's because it's a pokeyball. Oh, here, go ahead and put that one off to the side. Yeah, we're gonna also want to keep this one that was randomly just backwards. Why was it backwards? I don't know. That's got ribble too. Dung dung sparse. Dude, that was we You're gonna have to wash that. I literally just opened it. You clips that? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Well, they're all gonna think that they're resale packs now.

SPEAKER_07 16:22

What the hell?

SPEAKER_04 16:24

And we're gonna go ahead and get on into drink of the week.

SPEAKER_06 16:32

Welcome to Drink of the Week with Lola. This week we're going to do a strawberry vodka sour. So we're going to start out with one and a half ounces of vodka. Next we're going next we're going to do a little grenadine. This one I'm just going to do a little splash, I'm not going to measure. And then we have a strawberry syrup, like a simple syrup, but strawberry flavored. Half an ounce. And then we're going to do half an ounce of lemon juice. That's a pretty good drink. Alright, we're going to pass around, see how they like it, and then please like, subscribe, and let's get back to the show.

SPEAKER_04 18:26

And we're back. Yeah. You ever get that from red dye? Maybe a splash lesson.

SPEAKER_05 18:40

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:41

Still good though. I like the strawberry.

SPEAKER_06 18:45

It actually called for more grenadine than I gave, but grenadine can be so overpowering that I didn't want to put that much in into it.

SPEAKER_05 18:55

It kind of reminds me of like a um uh red popsicle. Yeah, like but like melted, like more specifically during like the 4th of July, where it's like they're doing the advertisements for 4th of July popsicles.

SPEAKER_04 19:11

Chloe, did you know? Did you know they sell popsicles year-round?

SPEAKER_06 19:15

Well, yeah. But like, no, only on the 4th of July.

SPEAKER_02 19:19

But like during this taste, winter time they don't sell them anymore.

SPEAKER_05 19:24

Like the red ones, they do it like extra, they do like a different flavor for the red ones. I don't know for 4th of July. I don't know how to explain it. It just tastes different to me.

SPEAKER_02 19:32

Did you know that they sell less ice during the winter because there's an ice sort shortage? What? Yeah, there's a giant block of ice under New York that they chop that they chop from each year to uh use as a reserve for ice.

SPEAKER_04 19:48

Is that where all the the empty mattresses came from? Yeah, yeah. Under New York. That's also where all the uh all the uh Jewish uh tunnels are. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Did they actually tie those to the Jewish or is it still under speculation? It's under speculation. Thank you for joining us this week. I'm your host, Riley Person.

SPEAKER_02 20:10

Join here today with wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Be ready to start over again.

SPEAKER_04 20:14

No.

SPEAKER_05 20:16

Sit on his lap.

SPEAKER_04 20:23

Now you can do it. Join here today with Julian.

SPEAKER_02 20:27

No, thank you for joining the drink and packet. Drunk jacket.

SPEAKER_03 20:32

And Chloe.

SPEAKER_05 20:33

Good night.

SPEAKER_03 20:34

And Lola.

SPEAKER_02 20:36

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 20:39

It's not good night, but one. Good morning. Good morning. Wait, good afternoon.

SPEAKER_06 20:45

Depending on. Please like, subscribe, comment.

SPEAKER_03 20:49

Tell your brother's boyfriend.

SPEAKER_04 20:53

Tell your boyfriend's brother. Please don't subscribe.

SPEAKER_06 20:56

Please do. We nominate you. Please comment if you're interested in dating Julian. Oh, we're gonna get negative subs.

SPEAKER_03 21:07

Every week on Wednesday, 3 p.m. Arizona time.

SPEAKER_06 21:11

I love the hand on the thigh. If you want to see that if you want to see the hand further up the thigh, please comment.

SPEAKER_01 21:23

Red light, red light, red light.

SPEAKER_04 21:24

We don't have an intimacy coordinator yet.

SPEAKER_06 21:28

Or stranger danger awareness.

SPEAKER_04 21:30

No HR. No, no HR. I'm HR bitch. Okay. I'm gonna put it in your butt. And we're out of your bite.