Special Episode: Fatherhood

Short teachings from Hillcrest Church further exploring Sunday's teachings.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey, good morning. How you doing? Tim here, and we are diving deep uh this morning into whatever I feel like talking about. Um it's Sunday, and I thought uh I've not quite I you know I have an idea where Carlos taking the message today, but I thought before I preempt that I'll I'll see what where he takes it and then make it maybe uh do a couple episodes later this week. But I wanted to record one uh for Monday morning uh today, and I thought I'd just there's uh yeah, just kind of talk about um you know, the thing on my mind uh last couple days has actually been um uh being a dad, fatherhood. Um and the the reason it was on my mind is that a couple um couple like conversations over the last week where just you know talking to people where it was uh it was men who had kids. Um uh and there there seemed to be kind of some just lack of vision, lack of even imagination, lack of understanding of how to be a dad, like just practically what it meant. Um and I just wanted to make a couple comments about that. You know, I don't think anything I'm gonna say is exclusive to dads. I think it applies to moms, grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, 412 leaders, teachers, coaches, etc. But um this came up in the context of fatherhood. Uh, you know, one conversation, a guy was uh was just saying, I don't even know, like I just don't have a great relationship with any of my kids. I don't know how to do that. And I was like, you know, I just you know talked about pursuing uh pursuing kids. Um uh, you know, I said finding out what they're interested in, entering into what they're interested in with them, go into their sporting events, go into their uh their dance recital. He's like, what? He's like, well, I gotta write some of this stuff down. Um, I said, you know, setting aside one-on-one time. He's like, what this is, I gotta write this down. Uh and I found myself thinking, oh man, I wish um I wish someone would have modeled this for you. Um, I wish you had uh what friends that would have would have talked about this with you. Um another uh another um conversation was um uh somebody my wife was talking to, she just uh offhandedly made a comment. So one of the things I do is, you know, we have four girls, and so uh I like it my desire is that each of the kids has what they feel like is their own relationship with me, not just as part of a group, but individually. Um so they're not just part of the girls, the daughters, the kids. Um, but each kid feels like they know me, I know them. And so one of the things I do, you know, when they were little, we did daddy dates, those began these two, three, five-hour excursions, and actually, because they're so big, they became unwieldy. So then we switched to every Friday morning, I rotate through each one of them. I take them out to breakfast. And so we just do this. What you know, each kid every Friday they know they know if it's their turn or not, get a breakfast uh time. And um, and so Christy was sharing this with some uh with some people. She knows other dads, younger dads, and they're like, What that's uh, you know, I never thought about this. Like, oh yeah, the kids do they should have a personal individual relationship with me. And um, and so it's just like I don't I don't think I'm have reached like the platonic ideal of fatherhood. I've not mastered it, I mess things up all the time. Um uh but I would say uh I've had some really good models, uh, both of you know fathers, grandfathers, and also just mentors in my life. Um really good models uh that I've tried to to kind of implement what I what was done towards me, towards uh my kids, and even before that, towards kids in my youth group, you know, towards uh uh people in my ministry. But I think um, but I want to talk a little about uh how uh it applies um to being a dad. Um and once again, not exclusive to that, but that's I think uh where I wanted to bring it up. Because I do, you know, I I do wonder, I think probably a lot of us have had great uh have had great um models of fatherhood uh model for us, and then there's probably a number of us who who haven't. And um and it feels a bit daunting about how to approach that. So uh I've even thought about this is on now I'm going on a sidetrack, I've thought about maybe doing a special series of podcast episodes, um, because there's uh there's you know a number of key ideas that come to my mind right away that a person would want to carry with them into fatherhood, uh that I you know I won't cover all today, but we'll see. Um if that interests you, let me know. Uh so but the the the idea that came up with uh in these two conversations last week um that I think is is critical, um and I you know I think it's deeply biblical, uh, but is uh essentially like um what I would say like the uh the pursuit, the relational pursuit of your kids. Um if you know the the the kind of key idea uh that uh was modeled for me um and that I wanna I want to live out towards my kids, once again, not exclusive fatherhood, but I think critical for fathers. Um and uh that seemed in some ways um surprising to some in some of these conversations, is that I think as a dad, uh to be a father, we are called to relationally actively pursue our kids. Um we are called to move towards them. We are called to um the uh you know uh and that that like practically that means um asking them questions, not to dig or to pry, but questions of genuine curiosity and care. Um we are called to to to cheer them on, to be at their stuff. Does that mean we never miss things? Of course, like there's life, life is bigger. I'll you can you can take it too far where your entire life almost revolves around your kids. That's not what I'm talking about. But kids to feel like uh they're they're they're fathers. Um, yeah, there's a sense of of uh dads wanting to see what they care about, wanting to uh to cheer them on, and you know, music, art, whatever it is, um that when kids are interested, I mean how many we all know that um uh kids, there's this, you know, and they do this towards both parents, but kids, hey, look what I did, look what I made, um, look how I did at this test, look what I did at school. And that that uh there'd be the sense of care and attention. Um and so this kind of actively moving towards, for me, it's um it's in those little moments, um, expressing wonder over what they show me, um, asking questions about um who their friends are, what they're reading, and what they're uh what's fun right now, what's hard right now, um, caring about whatever they're in, whether it's soccer or running or music or dance or whatever. Like if they're interested in it, I'm gonna be interested in it. I mean, it's almost like a uh, I think you'll get what I'm saying. It's almost like a dating. Like you you're you're wooing your own children um in the same way you would move towards anyone. You want them to experience a sense of affection uh towards them. Um uh and then actively pursuing, like taking them out, yeah, whether it's you know, taking them, whatever, you know, whatever that whatever, you know, for me, um it's the rotation of breakfast. That way I get one-on-one time with my kids at least uh once a month or so. Um it's finding opportunities for those one-on-one conversations when we're in a car together, not not putting on distracting music, but having a chance to have a chat. Uh when we're you know, making sure I do bed times with the kids, like grabbing those moments, crawling into bed. I have one guy tell me every, you know, this is when they're little, obviously I'm not doing this with my high schooler, but when they're you know, elementary school kids crawl into bed, lay down, and then you know, this one guy, this his his advice was express the five love languages to them in that five minutes, you know, rub their back, uh say a word of affirmation. Um it's quality time by you know it's very nature, um, this kind of thing. Uh, and then pray with them before bed. And so um I did I do think, man, and I think this is important. I mean, probably for you know, for some guys, um uh it hasn't been modeled. I also think uh I think one of the huge challenges for men, um that and I I don't know if this is broadly, but a lot of times when I see guys getting stuck in life, whether in uh with towards their kids, towards their spouse, in their work, uh I would say one of the places I see men getting stuck is patterns of passivity. Um and I I don't know how to and there I'm sure if I was a psychologist I could diagnose it better than that, but there's something that happens sometimes with guys where they just they withdraw and get extremely passive and they cease to move towards. Uh and goodness man, um as a dad, I don't want that to happen to me, and I don't want that to happen to the dads in our world. Our world needs dads who are actively, bravely moving towards uh their kids. And so um, yeah, that's my thought. Uh that's what uh my thought for today. Um I don't think it's like I said, I think you apply this all sorts of places of life. Uh and I ultimately I do think um it's an expression of the heart of God. Um uh because uh and even in this live Living Sent series, one of the things that we're talking about is God is a God who moves first and moves towards. And that ultimate expression of moving first and moving towards is expressed in the person of Jesus. Um and thank God that He moves towards us. All right, praise in peace.