1. Call Yourself Baby

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Transcript

Defining The Inner Voice

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Today is our first episode, and I want to talk about something that really changed my relationship with myself. Because as you probably know and you've heard before, maybe in therapy, maybe through manifestation, that the relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have because it's the only one that is gonna be with you forever. Welcome to the magnetic mindset podcast where spirituality, psychology, and philosophy meet to make you your most magnetic self. If you feel like you have achieved success on paper, but are craving a deeper meaning and a life that feels alive, keep listening. The show is hosted by me, your coach, Holly Pendergast. Let's get into it. You were born with some sort of consciousness, and you will leave this earth with that consciousness. There's like a sort of private self where you have an internal dialogue with for your entire being. So how you speak to yourself is gonna be the way that you treat yourself. Of course, there's actions and how you what you accept, self-care, what you eat, how you move your body. Of course, there's where you put your attention and your focus, absolutely. But there's also the internal dialogue in what creates that behavior and not only what creates the behavior or actions or how you treat yourself, but the intention and where it's coming from. We can use the generic example of working out. You can be mean to yourself and make yourself work out, or you can do your workout from a loving place where you are encouraging yourself and create the same action with a completely different result. So how you speak to yourself is gonna dictate if your result is positive or detrimental to your mental and emotional and spiritual self. So this tip I'm going to give you is gonna be very simple, but it can be very profound if you are conscious of using it frequently. It will change the entire tone of your voice when you speak to yourself, and that is to call yourself baby. Now, this term of endearment for me reminds me to soften, reminds me that my inner child is still within me, reminds me that I can be gentle and sweet and encouraging to myself and speak to myself like somebody I love dearly. We use the term baby with plural babies, uh, our significant others sometimes, or any term of endearment where we are wanting to show adoration, love. So why don't you call yourself baby? Sometimes I will use baby girl because baby girl is a little bit more personal to me. You can use whatever phrasing that works for you. Maybe it's babe, maybe it's girl, maybe I don't, I don't care what the term is, but speaking to yourself and giving yourself a sort of nickname to remind you that, hey, you're in there and your brain doesn't have to be in charge of narrating a hard, difficult, rigid life where your thoughts that are 90% negative, which is wired by design, we don't want to let that lead and let that voice be the voice that is leading us, because again, it dictates how we create our life, how we treat ourselves, what we do, what we don't do. And it definitely affects our motivation to do even more. If you're speaking to yourself gently and lovingly, and sometimes uh that's not letting yourself off the hook, sometimes it's calling yourself out. But if you're doing it from a place of deep, rich love, you are number one, going to be more likely to take that action. And two, create a better result that perpetuates positive behavior, positive love towards yourself, and reflects a relationship that is gonna be sustainable. And not only that, but really enjoyable for yourself. If you're with your thoughts all the time, which we can't really escape them, they're just constantly narrating unless you're meditating, you get that moment where you're in maybe a flow state, that is gonna be crucial to the quality of your relationship with yourself. This is the main thing that mindset work chases. It's based on cognitive behavioral therapy. All of your thoughts generate feeling states and actions that are driven by those feelings. So if we aren't really conscious of what are the thoughts you're having about yourself, you aren't really conscious at all. In fact, you are just living at the effect of the thinking that has been programmed into you. This is social conditioning, this is uh media, social media, our socioeconomic upbringing. This is our social circle, this is where we live, this is who we surround ourselves with. The common narrative that you surround yourself with will decide for you what to think about yourself. If you don't consciously choose, you will be at the effect of what other people think should be done, according to where you are, your age, your gender, whatever it is that you think is defining you, people will define you if you don't define you. So being in charge of your thinking and how you speak to yourself and starting to turn your thinking from just a robotic thought or just the narration of your life is going to radically change the results that you create. Here's an example. When you are critiquing, maybe it is your style, maybe you're looking in the mirror, okay, and you're getting dressed for the day. What are the thoughts you think when you glance in the mirror? Are you looking at your body with kind eyes? Probably if you grew up in the early 2000s like I did, uh, you probably have some body dysmorphia going on, no matter what your size. It's not something that ever really goes away for me personally. I'm always reminding myself, hey, look with gentle eyes, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby. Stop. We're not gonna go down that rabbit hole of how your body is imperfect because it's number one, not true. It's not helpful. And it is from the outside world that I learned all of those thoughts. Those aren't actually my thoughts, those are narratives that I learned and picked up when I was younger, especially all the tabloids. And we know how ruthless they were on women growing up in that age. So, of course, I know I can recognize oh, that's not mine. That's somebody else's yucky, ugly judgments in my mind, playing out in my mind as I look at myself in the mirror. If you are looking at your skin in a certain way and you're thinking, oh, I have cellulite or I have wrinkles or I have blemishes, I have, you know, purple under eye bags, like whatever it is. When you look at your face, how do you speak to yourself? Are you immediately looking for judgment and criticism? Are you immediately looking at how something doesn't fit well? Okay, let's take that opportunity and call yourself baby. Hey, baby, maybe we need another size. Hey, baby, maybe these clothes were never meant to fit my gorgeous body. Hey, baby, maybe we can be a little kinder to ourselves, allow ourselves to age, because aging is one of the most certain things, along with death and taxes. If we are privileged enough to get old, our skin, our body will start to age. And that looks like getting older, having evolution in our body, in our biology. In fact, that means you are alive if you are aging. Amazing. Let's change the narrative instead of being at the effect or a victim to anti-aging narrative. Speak to yourself gently. Hey, baby, yeah, we are aging. Wow, isn't that miraculous? Isn't that wild how the body changes with time and age? Or perhaps you are asking yourself, hey baby, what do you need? Do you need a little bit more sleep? Is there a way we can make that happen? Hey, baby, your face is a little puffy. Is that because we're drinking a little too much wine? What's going on here? And you can speak to yourself in a way that nourishes and nurtures yourself rather than ridiculing, criticizing, assuming what other people are gonna think. All of that is costing you so much precious energy, time, and it's distracting you. This is what patriarchy teaches you is to distract yourself with self-loathing, with telling yourself you're not allowed to age, with telling yourself your body's not allowed to evolve and change, you are not allowed to overeat or under-at-you gotta be just right. And that language isn't actually achievable. And it has us chasing our tails in a way that's chasing the next trend. Our lips are gonna be bigger this month, or eyelash is gonna be big, or the eyelash is not in right now. All of this is a massive distraction. So even if you do get procedures, great, just make sure it is from a place of loving, kind treatment versus wanting to change yourself because you hate yourself. I've always loved the principle of learning to love yourself before you change it, learning to love your body before you change it, learning to love what wherever state you are in, learning to love the relationship you're in before you change it, learning to be in a place of acceptance and neutrality versus a negative charged energy. So if you're in that place, the problem is you will find another thing to self-loathe. You will find another thing to criticize and ridicule if you are in that state. So I don't recommend it. But if you are in a place of acceptance, you're in a place of, hey, I can love this and change it now. Now you have the power because you've gone from learning how to handle your negative thoughts and not believing your thoughts and coming back into the facts of what is going on for you so that you can move from a place of neutrality that can lead to a place of positivity. We cannot move from negative to positive or even like positive to negative so quickly if we don't move through that neutral state. And if you want to create long-term sustainable positivity and call yourself baby, and that's your natural state of loving kindness to yourself, you're gonna have to move, or maybe you don't have to. It's sometimes easy to thought swap. But if you want to keep that thought moving through the center of neutrality, that next step is gonna help you stay there. Because when you can let go of those negative, mean thoughts where you would never dared or dream to call yourself baby, now you can get in a place permanently where you are in acceptance of what is of hey, my body looks like this. Hey, how can we start to dress ourselves in a way that feels really good? How can we use our body as the canvas for which we are going to add to and make even more beautiful with our style? Here's another example. Whatever your body shape is, whatever you actually physically look like right now, instead of criticizing it, because even if you have the quote unquote perfect model body, whatever that actually means is always changing, right? Even if you do love your body, but let's say you gain a little bit of weight or you lose a little bit of weight, if you can come back into neutrality of this is what I got, this is who I am right now in this moment, the rest is irrelevant. I don't have to think about the past where I was or wasn't in the past. I don't have to think about where I'm going or what has to happen in the future, what I have to control into being. If we can get into the now, if we can get into the now, we can come into acceptance and we can look at what's in front of us. Okay, this is my body today. How do I want to love it? How do I want to express myself? Do I want to be big and flamboyant and create some amazing sculptural shapes with my style? Do I want to hide? It doesn't really matter, but I do want you to approach it from a place of calling yourself baby. Hey, baby, you have these really beautiful shoulders. Let's show them off today. Or, hey, babe, we got these long legs. Let's accentuate our long legs today. Whatever it is for you, choose it, love it, and then decide what you want to do going forward. Whether you want to dress it up or down, it doesn't really matter. But how you look at yourself is gonna be the most important thing for all of the forward motion. How many times have you cried in a dressing room? I know for me, the limit does not exist. I used to hate dressing rooms, and still some dressing rooms are poorly lit, and that is a problem because why are they having poorly lit dressing rooms? Don't companies know that that's where we make the decision to buy something or not? It would be in their best interest to have amazing lighting so that you can see the potential of the clothing that can accentuate the beauty of your body that's gonna make you want to buy it to me. It makes no sense to have poor lighting, but here we are. Tressing rooms are a place where we can be with ourselves and witness ourselves in a mirror. Those are some vulnerable moments because we are really looking at what is. We're looking at what does my body look like today? How does this piece of clothing work for me or not work for me? And I always tell my clients, we are batting for one out of a hundred. We're looking for that one piece out of a hundred pieces that's gonna be the thing that lights you up. We are not looking for 99 out of 100 pieces, okay? You have to set your expectation up correctly because not every brand has the same sizing measurements, okay? Every company has a little bit different of a system. So you might be a small one place and a large in another place. That doesn't really matter. And in fact, I want you to release all labels in terms of sizing, small, medium, large, extra, large, whatever. I want you to release the need to be a certain size or a number because as long as that's in charge of you, it's going to determine your worth if you are good or bad. You are leaving all of your personal power up to a little stitched-in label on the back of your pants when really your power is so much more big. You have so much more to focus on. You have so much more that you are a silly little number and a tag on your pants or the back of your shirt that nobody is gonna see except for you, unless somebody else is doing laundry in your house. Nobody is coming to check your pant size. Nobody is coming to check. Are you a um 32D bra size? Oh no. Oh, that must mean you're not hot. Right? Nobody is checking that. So release the desire to look at that number and make it mean anything about you. In fact, when I go shopping and I take my clients or I go for myself, I'm not looking at the sizing, I'm looking at what I'm eyeballing. Does this shape look like it would fit me? Okay, let's try it on. Who the fuck cares what the number is? Because again, every company has a little bit something different, and that number really doesn't mean anything about me. Sure, measurements are a real thing and numbers are a real measurement of your size, but I don't want you to use that information against yourself or to feel good or bad about yourself. I will admit, I used to buy things because I was like, I'm a small, I'm a small, and I should buy this because look, I fit into a small. And I had to really go back into my subconscious and think about why do I want to be small? A small. What about being small makes me feel rewarded and highly valued and is giving me this kiddie dopamine hit right now? How is that working for other people? Okay, and it does work for other people because people benefit when we, especially as women, are distracted by trying to chase thinness versus feeling good. When we're feeling good, we are feeling satisfied, we're feeling healthy. Now we want to go be generous and give to the world. But if we are focused on how do I be the smallest size, how do I contort my body to be something that it's not naturally? And I'm not saying that you shouldn't or want to lose weight if you want to. I totally understand that. I have done weight loss coaching and I have lost and gained weight myself. But again, as all I really fucking care about is are you treating yourself kindly? Are you calling yourself baby when you're doing it? That is all I care about. Because sometimes saying, no, baby, we're not gonna have that right now is the most loving thing you could do yourself. And sometimes saying, Yes, baby, that's for you. Go enjoy it is the best thing you could do for yourself. So again, it's not really about being defined by your sizing or what brand can validate whatever thought was planted into your mind to appease a certain visual aesthetic or uh status, right? That ego. I want you to release that so that you can be your most magnetic self. And your most magnetic turned-on lit up self is the one who's wearing clothes that fit well, that just accentuate what is actually true for you versus trying to squeeze into something because it is trendy or because it is a size that you identify with. Stop identifying with it, stop identifying with the number or the trend or being on trend. I want you to instead choose what you actually fucking want that fits you the way you want. Another example of this is wearing oversized clothes. An oversized baggier fit can create a certain vibe that you might want. So of course you're gonna size up a couple sizes. Or if you want something tighter that is oversized, you're gonna size down a bit. It doesn't mean anything good or bad about you because, baby, you look so good in that. That's all I want to hear. That's all I want you to focus on in how you're thinking and speaking to yourself. When I'm shopping, it is the ultimate time to be with myself because I am asking myself questions. Do I like this? Is this interesting? Does this texture feel good? Do I like the price of this? Do I not like the price of this? Is this color exciting me? Why? I'm asking myself all of these questions. And I know so many of you successful baddies gotta show up on camera and you gotta look the part. You gotta look clean, professional, like you know what you're doing and you're expressing yourself according to who you are. Shopping and styling yourself is a way to be with yourself and ask yourself what feels nourishing? What is gonna feel good? What do I want? And so many of us shy away from that altogether because it's a little too personal. We'd rather just throw something on or put on a uniform. But what you wear is an embodiment of how you think and feel about yourself. I could tell when somebody is just through something on and they're not really thinking too much about it, or if they're wearing something and they're fidgeting, they're a little distracted. I could tell they didn't take the time to really choose to feel good in what they're wearing. And that affects the energy that you embody. And now listen, it doesn't have to take a full hour to choose what you're gonna wear, but it does take a little bit extra time to sit with how you are feeling. And the thing with feelings is they change. Sometimes feelings demand you to sit down and process them. But when we are getting dressed and we're making these decisions, we have to make these executive yes, no, executive, that's not gonna work, or this is what I need. You can use that time to also feel into what am I feeling? What do I want to express today? Or rather, what do I want to feel today? Sometimes expressing what is is the powerful thing to do. Sometimes changing your vibrational frequency with what you want to wear is another powerful option that you have available to you at all times. We are all just putting things on our body, and I want you to recognize the power of that from the intention and from treating yourself like the bougiest bitch you know. What baby girl do you know in your life? Like, how would you treat her? How would you want her to feel in her clothes? We know, you know, little kids are vocal about this is itchy. I don't want this, take this off, I want that one. I want you to be as honest as a toddler with yourself when you're standing in front of your closet. What do I want? What feels good? And use your adult self to be there with you to hold your hand as you face the truth of what is today in your energy. And then you can ask yourself those intelligent questions that are gonna get you to the outfit and the styling that makes you feel so excited to show up for the day. Even if it's athleisure, even if you're not leaving the house, or if you're gonna be on TV. I don't care where you're going. I want you to be using the approach of calling yourself baby, treating yourself well, honoring and respecting what is versus tearing yourself down or panicking or spiraling that you don't have the right clothes and you hate everything in your closet. Or, and listen, honestly, if that's where you're at, let me know. We can definitely work together. I have intensive one-to-one sessions. I also have in-person styling coaching work that I can offer you because this is something that you do every day, right? You have materials in your closet. Sometimes you have gone through an evolution where you are not the person that should be wearing those clothes anymore because they're all a reflection of past you. And you're looking at and opening up your closet like this museum of your old self is in there. And you're like, Yep, I remember I had this horrible memory in that blazer. And this is that one time that I had that horrible accident in my car. Like, there's so much that goes into our clothing, including our memories, because they came with us on our journey. Of life. They were there. So clothes hold a lot of symbolism. They hold a lot of memories. They hold literally your skin cells. Okay. I want you to just look at your clothing, your closet as options, as if you were a painter and you're like, what color am I going to put on the canvas next? What do you feel drawn to? If you let your baby girl pick and you're like, baby girl, baby, what do you want to wear today? What are you feeling called to in this adult closet that is yours? That is ours. We get to share this. And you get to bring a part of that, a part of her with you into every day. This is where inner child healing comes in. This is an embodiment of inner teen work. This is young adult you. This is current you, all working together on a committee. Sometimes we work in combination and everybody gets a say. Sometimes one version of ourself gets the say of the day. So please call yourself baby or whatever term of endearment you want to use, start picking that language for yourself. If you are feeling flustered, overwhelmed, irritated, stressed, hey baby, what's going on? Hey, baby, you need a cry? Okay, let's do it. Hey, baby, you just need like a bath. Let's do a bath. Hey, baby, you need dinner. Let's make you some dinner. Speaking to yourself in that way is going to radically change how you view yourself, how you treat yourself. And when you do that, other people start to notice. This is not a podcast on how to change other people's perception of you, on how to get dressed perfectly so that they see that you're the boss. Because that doesn't work. If that outfit of boss bitch is not something that you would wear and you feel uncomfortable in it, people will see it as that lady is uncomfortable in her skin. She's wearing a costume. That's a mask. But if you are choosing something that is true, that has some sort of big full body yes to it, it is now in alignment with what frequency you are vibrating at. So you're embodying your most magnetic energy when you feel your best. And don't judge it. I don't care if it's a shirt with a cat on it. Okay. If you are lit up about it, other people notice your energy and then they will be attracted to you for whatever reason. It's actually none of your business. Your business is to feel the most you, what's true for you. And even if it's a little stretch, it's if you're reaching your visibility edge, is to love yourself through it. And of course, you can practice this. I recommend first in the dressing room when you're looking at yourself and you're making the decision if you're going to take it home with you or not. Then show a small group of people, intimate group of people that you know love and support you. And you can even ask for support and say, hey, I know this is a little risky for me. Can you hype me up? You can ask for that. You can ask for that. And then you can go public with it. You can wear it outside, wear it online wherever you are going to show up for the day. You can bring it there. Okay. So the three stages are looking at yourself, self-witness, small intimate group that you know is going to support you, or ask for that support. And three is go public, go live with it. And that's how you're going to grow your visibility edge is growing your capacity to be visible and seen in the truth and the integrity of who you actually are. Weirdo, freak, extra, glam, or maybe it's goth, minimal, understated, like artsy, whatever. Maybe it's like kind of geeky or like I don't care what it is. If it's your edge, I want you to learn to love on it because that's what your baby girl is dying for. She wants your own validation. She doesn't actually care about other people. She wants yours. She wants your validation. She wants your attention. She wants your love. She wants your protection and she wants your reassurance that you are going to listen to her, that she's going to be okay, that no matter what anybody else says, what you say and what she says go. That is how you are your most magnetic self. And when you are in that energy, you are powerful. And it in fact creates a sort of you can't fuck with me vibe. It puts out the energy of like, oh, I am so confident. You can say something shitty to me, but it won't even penetrate my aura. It can't. It will bounce off me. It has no place here. The more you do that, the more I find you don't even get those comments, anyways, because the people that are telling you, you know, side-eyeing your outfit or making snarky remarks, when they see you are not open to any negativity, they give up. They don't even take the time or the breath to express to you that you don't look how they think you should look. It's amazing because they see you're so happy and secure that they're like, why waste my breath? She actually looks so good. I could I believe it. She looks so good. She is so happy. And actually, I need to know her. And it alchemizes their energy. This is why I don't ever prescribe what to wear or how to wear it, is because you can do that and you'll feel self-conscious and it will attract that negative self-conscious energy because insecure people are drawn to you from your own insecurity. You are feeling alive and bold and brave and happy. You are magnetic. You repel those people who are insecure and you attract magnetically the people who want more of you or want to be a part of your world or want to be in your energy, a part of your group. They want to be a part of your community or they want to hire you. They need to somehow know you. That is attraction. Okay. So start calling yourself baby. Notice what you are thinking when you look in the mirror. What's the first thought you have? Maybe when you're brushing your teeth, what are you looking for? Sometimes I'm like, how bad are in the under-eye circles? Notice the thoughts you're having. Choose to alchemize them. Choose to love yourself. Choose to release the old identity, the old conditioning, the old subconscious beliefs that have been taught to you. Let them go and call yourself baby. Thank you for listening to today's episode. If you want to see me visually online, you can do so on Instagram or TikTok at coach.with.holly. And my website is coachwithholly.com to check out any offers going on. If you have requests on what you want me to speak on next, you can absolutely DM me. I would love to hear from you. I'll talk to you soon.