3. How my man-repellent outfit got me three ice creams and a date.

We explore how self-concept shapes results, using rev-and-release energy, non-attachment, and style as a lab to practice a truer identity. A simple ice cream story shows how open energy attracts aligned opportunities while old roles quietly fade.

• self-concept as the driver of results
• reading body signals as yes/no data
• style as a safe lab for new identity
• curating your top five to shift your baseline
• rewriting your introduction before you enter rooms
• practicing non-attachment with strong desire
• rev-and-release as the engine of momentum
• the ice cream example of open, playful energy
• adopting your sacred alter ego through repetition

Hit the plus sign at the top of this podcast to follow the show and share an episode with a friend.For a daily touch point, follow me on Instagram @coach.with.holly or TikTok @coachwithholly
For more resources and offers, visit coachwithholly.com
If you want to get coached by me, >> BOOK A CONSULT << so we can talk about working together.

Transcript

Setting The Magnetic Frame

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to the magnetic mindset podcast, where spirituality, style, and strategy meet to help you be your most magnetic self. If you feel like you have achieved success on paper, but are craving a deeper meaning and a life that feels alive, keep listening. This show is hosted by me, your coach, Holly Pendergast. Let's get into it. How do we evolve our self-concept to be totally so unhinged that you start creating unhinged doolu results for yourself? I'm gonna talk today about the idea that everything in life and your creation of what you do want is all about that dynamic of tension and contrast and reven release, bringing the energy up, bringing it back down, desire and receiving and the contrast between those two things because this is where your energy is most potent. This is how energy works. I'm gonna give you some examples today on how to do that, but we are gonna start off with the concept first. When you understand that the reality that you have currently created, all of your results, your friendships, your the things in your home, um, everything around you has been created by how you think about yourself and your relationship with other things, other people, other concepts. Now you know if you want to change something or not. There's some things that you're like, oh my God, I love this result, never want to change it. And sometimes change is forced upon us, right? And then you get to come back to this work and look at, okay, how do I create the new result? What do I want? What is next for me? And what is the next path in my evolution? If something that I dearly love crumbles, I get to create something new. So whether you have the most perfect life and you don't want to change anything, this work is going to help you too. You are always getting signals and cues in your body of things that are for you and not for you. For example, when you hear somebody's tone and you think, ooh, I didn't like that tone, or why did they use that word? That word really rubbed me the wrong way, or the way they approached me, their body language, the way they came at me, or a certain look. Pay attention to all of those things because although it is your interpretation of those things and it could be misconstrued sometimes, your gut is leading you to the truest place, and you are receiving signals of yes or no. What you accept in terms of treatment of relationships. This could be romantic relationship, it could be partner, it could be work relationship, it could be family relationship, it doesn't matter. Everything has energy, right? Let's look at style because this is a really, really fun way to look at style and look at how we can try on new identities and step into new relationships around how do I feel about myself when I'm around this person in the dressing room and in the store. You get to pick anything you want and try it on as a new way of being because that style, new energy, new color, new texture, new fabric, new shape introduces a new way of being because it combines not only the art and the design of the fabric and the clothing, but it combines that visual energy along with your actual energy and who you are being and who you want to become and your self-concept. And you get to mix the two personally in the way that you love it to create something new. Do you remember those magazines that used to say who wore it better? And it'd be like two celebrities wearing the same dress, and you can kind of decide, oh, she wore it better, or oh, this color looked better on her. And you kind of get to see whose energy fits this dress better, who is wearing the dress and who is the dress wearing. This is the power of clothes, is you get to try on symbolically new identities. And in life, you get to try on new ways of being based on who you introduce yourself to, who you surround yourself with. They say the top five people you spend the most time with create your kind of culture, your level of normal and what's expected. And that really does impact you. If you change out three people, introduce three new people, your idea of what's new, what's available, your interests, your energy levels, the will change because we are energetic beings and energy flows between people. Your energy is contagious, their energy is contagious. You get to decide what you allow in, what you release and let go, and cultivate the energy and life force that you want to be living in every single day. How you can start to evaluate what your current self-concept is so you can start to evaluate and observe for yourself is this what I need to step into the next version of myself? What would I need to change? What do I want to feel instead? What is actually me playing an old role? What is me being a good girl? What is me being the person that my parents wanted me to be or my community growing up? And then you get to actively decide who you're gonna be, what you're going to feel, and allow yourself to be in peace and embodiment and comfortability in your own skin so that you can radiate the frequency that is most true to you and is actually going to be the wild and crazy, beautiful magic thing that creates those new opportunities that you've been wanting for yourself. So ask yourself in a group of people, I feel blank about myself. I wear blank, I present myself by blank, and I represent myself by saying this about myself. How do you introduce yourself? Do you over-exaggerate your accomplishments? Do you undermine your accomplishments? What comes out when you are around new people? The importance of this being new people is that the people that already know and love you see you a certain way. And there's like confirmation bias around that, around how you feel, how they think about you, and you reflect that back to each other and you kind of continue on this same sort of TV show where, like, yep, we know where you live, we know the role you play. And when you actively meet new people, it's like you're entering onto a different sitcom. You're entering onto a different show where nobody knows you, nobody knows your past. You get to decide what your story is. And I recommend doing this before you go into any room. Don't try to make it up on the fly because you'll feel like you're lying and you'll say some really, really weird, awkward shit. I know because I've been there. Instead, I want you to be thinking about you, it could even be on the drive over to meet new people. Who am I? What is the story I want to tell? Because our life is just a bunch of events that we are telling stories about. We could tell the victim story, we could tell the villain story, we can tell hero story, we can tell whatever story we we want to tell. I want you to be asking yourself, what story would number one make me feel so great about myself? Is still true, and reframe the things that maybe I think are negative or would paint me in a negative light. How do I reframe that? And maybe you start with yourself. It's like, how would a healed person think about this event that happened in my life? And not to perfect or curate anything, but really to start stepping into that new way of thinking about yourself. Step into that new self-concept that maybe you were trying on, maybe it's not totally comfortable at first. But how do you get comfortable in a new self-concept? You have to practice it. You have to retell a new story that benefits you in the way you want it to benefit you. That is alchemy. That is alchemizing. Hey, life is crazy, things happen, not all of it's positive. But I took self-responsibility to decide what I'm gonna think and feel about it and myself and decide how I want to think about myself going forward. This is where your personal power is. We don't have much personal power outside of how you think and feel and take care of yourself. This is for you at any level. I know so many of you that are listening to this are already successful and you have things already going for you. You got the book deals, you got you got the speaking gigs, you've made the 100K, 200k, whatever. You're gonna have to face this at every level. They say new level, new devil, right? They say there's the upper limit. We are always hitting a new upper limit every time we accomplish something amazing or hard. So doing this work over and over is just gonna really help you define and redefine and evolve your self-concept at every level. So this idea of revving and releasing is gonna be the thing that takes you forward. Just like an engine in a car, you were revving and releasing, revving and releasing. This is the erotic energy that is life force. This is why life is actually interesting to us. This is why we have all of that dopamine and cortisol flooding our system to rev and release. This is like the heartbeat of life. This is the excitement and the caldown. Like we can't, this is why exercising is so important. We are reving and then we release. The only way we actually feel that release is if we rev up first. There's a meditation practice that I used to teach in my yoga classes where we're like at the end of the class and we're in Shivastana. And to get into a really, really restful place and like really soften the body, I would do like a body scan. And this is nothing new. This is just like ancient wisdom, is you can tense up an area of your muscles groups and then soften it, and then go on to another muscle group. And I would start from the feet and go all the way up to the head and neck and rev it, tighten it, and then soften it, and then go up to the next and isolate different muscle groups. This is what helps you get into that flow state, get into that bliss and magnetic state that is available to you. So for those of you who are like, oh my God, now I know the key to life, pause. Because you have to combine this with non-attachment, the balance between wanting something and being okay if you don't have it. It is an art to practice this. And when you know how to feel it, and instead of letting yourself get anxiously wrapped up and super attached and graspy and clingy, it comes from an energy of lack and desperation. And that begets more lack, desperation, and sabotage. So that thing feels like it's being repelled and repulsed away from you versus when you are in a place of healthy attachment where you are detached, you are wanting something, and you are open to just adding the cherry on top. Like you have a perfectly beautiful Sunday, but the cherry on top would be so great. But you know what? You don't even need the cherry. Sunday is great with a cherry, and the Sunday is great without it. And that makes the universe want to give you more cherries and more overabundance. And I'm gonna give you a small example. So this weekend, I was like, okay, I have a Friday night free. How do I want to treat myself? And I was feeling a little like, oh, I don't have any plans. And I was like, wait a minute, baby, because you got to call yourself baby, right? In my first episode. I said, How would we like to plan this night for us if we were gonna be romantic with ourselves and plan something that I know that you like and we're gonna do something that maybe you've been wanting to do for a little bit, but you like, let's make this a little magical night for ourselves, party of one. Amazing. So I told myself, okay, I want to watch a complete unknown, the Bob Dylan movie. I've seen it in theaters, but I wanted to watch it again. And I really have uh, I really love Bob Dylan and his music. So I was like, okay, that would be such a nice evening. And okay, how would I make this even better? Probably some ice cream. I haven't had ice cream in a while. Why don't I go and try out a new ice cream from Whole Foods? Because they have so much of a huge selection. I'm gonna go there openly looking, and that's cool. I'm gonna go to the Whole Foods in Pasadena because it's like in a cute area and there's interesting people there, and I'm just gonna be open to opportunities. So I go, I'm taking my sweet time, I'm looking at the water bottles, and I'm like, oh, that's cool. Walking around, I go up the stairs to the second level where the ice cream is, and I'm looking around, I'm looking in the chocolate section, I'm just floating around. And then I finally make my way to the ice cream section, and I'm like, oh my god, they have C's candy ice cream here. So obviously that's gonna happen. And I'm like debating though, because I'm like, okay, but there's ice cream sandwiches, there's ice cream bars, and then there's like different brands, and there's like all these options, right? So I see this guy and I notice he left, but then I noticed he came back. And I was like, hmm. So we're both staring at the glass of the ice cream aisle, and I was weighing my options between, okay, do I want to do seas candy ice cream, or would I rather go for something that is more chocolate? Blah, blah, blah. So then he pauses and says, What ice cream are you gonna get? And we go into this conversation and we're talking about what ice cream is good, what is not, preferences. And so we're having this banter. And he says, you know what? He grabs the ice cream that's in my hand, the seas candy one, and he says, and I'm gonna suggest two other ice creams for you, and I'm gonna get them for you. But the deal is you have to text me and let me know which one is your favorite. And I said, Deal. Because how smooth was this? He saw a problem, not really a problem. It was me and my indecision and weighing the options, which is part of the fun for me of deciding what I was gonna have. To me, that's revving of anticipation, excitement, opportunity, possibility of what kind of ice cream I was gonna get. And this guy was like, you know what? I want you to try not just one, three. So he takes them, he puts them in his basket. We check out, he gives me the ice cream and he says, Can I take you to dinner this week? And I said, Yes. I don't know how this is gonna end up, but the idea that I went in there with zero expectation. I was just feeling good. I was wearing a new sweater that I really loved. It's all comfy, comfortable. It's fall. I drove down there in the golden hour and I was like, I'm in Whole Foods. I get to buy myself whatever ice cream I fucking want. I don't have to consider anybody, I don't have to share it. I could really go crazy here on this small, beautiful pleasure luxury that I get to enjoy for myself because I was in that open energy. I attracted three free ice creams and an interesting night coming up this week. This, and maybe I'll tell you guys about this later, but it was a man that was not too shabby. I'll just say that for the record is like, this is not something that has ever happened to me in the past when my energy has been closed or sad or in the angst of deciding what to get from the grocery store or annoyed that why is ice cream that this price, like I was not in that energy at all. I was in this energy of delight and I was revving up my own energy to have a really great night so I could really enjoy and create this little experience for me in my home that was going to be so nice and romantic and tailored to my own needs and full of just my own niche delight. And then I attracted this other thing because that is how energy works. When you are open, happy, other people are interested. Other people are like, what is happening? I want a part of that or what is going on here? Let me spread this delight that you brought first and give it right back to you. Had I had gone in there with the self-concept of this is sad, am I getting ice cream because it's the only thing that made me feel? No, I was so in excitement to delight myself and I attracted a new opportunity for myself. Where else in your life are you entering with a shitty self-concept? Is it how you get dressed? Is it how you respond to certain people after 9 p.m.? Is it that you are spending too much money in an area that you actually don't care about? What are you doing? Is it taking care of yourself? And what would the next Lulu unhinged self-concept be that is going to be something you need to practice that becomes your new reality? It's no longer unhinged at all. It's just like the opportunities that you get because that's how you think and feel about yourself. And it makes so much sense. It's so on brand that you get all these amazing opportunities because that's who you fucking are. You attract those things, you know it's simply a part of your everyday life. And how do I try on a new way of being that might be totally out of my comfort zone and out of my norm? Because if you don't want that norm anymore, you're gonna have to try something different. You're gonna try to, you have to change something in order to change your results. So it might feel uncomfortable at first. The first time you try on new jeans, you might really like them and you don't know that they're gonna become your favorite pair of jeans. But after time, you break them in and they start to feel right and you start to know how they age and how they fit. And are they sitting jeans or whatever? This is the same thing. This is what I call your sacred alter ego, is what is true already that you've been too afraid to try on and really wear and own confidently in your body, in your cells, in your consciousness, without the approval or acknowledgement or validation of anybody else, you get to walk into the room, into the group, into the new people with this sacred altar ego that this is who I am and practice it over time. Thanks for listening. And if you've enjoyed today's episode, hit the plus sign at the top of this podcast to follow the show and share an episode with a friend. For a daily touch point, follow me on Instagram at coach.with.holly or TikTok at coachwithholly. For more resources and offers, visit coachwithholly.com. And if you want to get coached by me, book a consult so we could talk about working together. Use a link in my podcast description below. Talk soon.