4. WANT Like A Woman

We explore how to WANT like a woman by unlearning prescriptive goals, naming real desires, and building the capacity to receive them. Two practical tools—the Alien Exercise & the Want Match—help us redecide life now and raise our baseline with playful, non‑attached action.

• the cost of living by external scripts
• the alien exercise to redecide everything now
• the want match to reveal honest preferences
• receiving versus wanting and having energy
• upper limits, nervous system capacity, visibility
• bougie is baseline as daily proof and practice
• non‑attachment, play, and magnetism
• evolving relationships through re‑asking and re‑knowing
• style as a visibility and identity tool
• seasonal reassessment and ongoing reinvention

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Transcript

Framing Wanting Like A Woman

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to the magnetic mindset podcast, where spirituality, style, and strategy meet to help you be your most magnetic self. If you feel like you have achieved success on paper, but are craving a deeper meaning and a life that feels alive, keep listening. This show is hosted by me, your coach, Holly Pendergast. Let's get into it. Today we're gonna talk about how to want like a woman. This might be for you as well if you are not a woman. So take what you want, use this as you will. But I do normally speak to women, and this is a very tailored to women and their conditioning message. And we're gonna talk about how to not only figure out what you want, but figure out what you want now. Because so many of you successful women figured out what you wanted and then you got it, and they're like, wait, is this it? Or do I still want this? Or is this what I thought I wanted? Or now that I'm here, do I still actually want this? Or did you figure out, hey, there's no there there? I have done this so many times in my life. I've always been ambitious. I've been an entrepreneur since I was a young adult. And I have figured out so many times that, hmm, I'm actually kind of bored here. Or I climbed this mountain, I got the thing, I got the award, I got the achievement, and now what? So this exercise that I'm gonna give you is going to help you reassess at any point in your life, at any new season, at any new transition crossroad, what is it that you actually fucking want for yourself? Now I'm gonna tailor this message to women, but if you are not a woman, obviously you can still apply these in a way that suits you. But we are gonna talk about receiving what you want as well. Okay. So the exercise that I do with so many of my coaching clients because so many of you act like you don't know what you want because you won't admit it to yourself because you've never been allowed to dream outside of the box. So we're dreaming and setting goals from all of this prescriptive goal setting, right? All of this, like you should want this, and then you should do a book, and then you be on stages. And there's like this step-by-step path that might be what you want, but most of the time it is following somebody else's path, and that might work for you. But at a certain point, you might get there and be like, hey, actually, I'm not actually as satisfied as I wanted to be. So this exercise is gonna show you what you want and reveal to you the desires that you already have now and how to start just admitting them to yourself. And that's mostly the hardest part: admitting it to yourself, letting yourself know what you know, and the rest kind of happens on its own because you can't help but act in a new way once you have new awareness and you've said it out loud to yourself. And then you can share it with another group of trusted friends that you know are also ambitious, who get it, they're more successful than you, because most of those people will support your dreams. The people that are most likely to not support your dreams are the people who, one, have not walked that path before. They are not in a state of big, massive creation, or they're maybe subconsciously wishing that you don't go pursue that, or it will reflect back to them for these people who haven't done the big thing that they want to do, all the places in which they are not taking big brave action as you do. So, again, this is for you at any stage, rediscovering who you are, what you want now, because the only thing we ever really fucking have is now. Okay. So this is the alien exercise. So imagine you were abducted by friendly aliens. Nothing bad is happening to you, nothing scary is happening to you, but you are abducted by these friendly aliens and they're like, hey, we're gonna make you a once-in-a-lifetime offer. We are going to wipe clean the slate of your life, your past, your events, where you live, what language you speak, uh, your career, your friends, everything, your family, everything. We're gonna give you a sort of men in black memory-erasing experience where you're gonna go poof, gone, and you get to redecide everything for your life. We're gonna put you back on earth, you're gonna be safe, and you don't even have to keep your current name, but you're gonna keep your same aura, your same energy, your same frequency that you were born with, and like the truest essence of yourself is gonna stay the same, but you get to redecide everything in your life, okay? What would you pick? We're gonna put you back down on earth now. What would you pick? You're gonna be the same age, okay? You're gonna be the same age because the only thing that is real is now. So you are today years old, you are this age, but we're gonna put you back on earth. Where do you want to live? You could pick any place on the planet. What career choice would you be doing if you could pick anything in the world? We're not judging it because aliens don't fucking know. We're gonna pick anything you fucking want. Would you not want a career? Would you want to be somebody who is not needy to make money because you have somebody else in your family that makes money? Or you have a savings that is so healthy and thick that you get to live off of that? Whatever it is, it doesn't really matter what it is. I just want you to start thinking from this place of wiped clean, what would you redecide for yourself? This is really important because we're going to go into another exercise next, okay? What spouse would you choose? What kind of person would you want to be partnered with if you got to pick? Or would you have a partner? You don't have to be a partner. They call this compulsory relationship or compulsory sexuality. Like, are you actually with the person that you want to be with? Or would you decide somebody new for yourself? Would maybe you are with somebody who is very analytical, but you actually are craving right now this big desire for somebody maybe super adventurous or nature-oriented, or maybe you're craving something so different than you have ever expected, you wanted before. You're gonna just start to admit these things to yourself. And I recommend writing this down. What kind of people do you want to surround yourself with? Would you have a group of close girlfriends, or would you want a big mixed bag of people to be close friends? Think of friends as like different categories of connection, like everyone's a certain sort of soulmate, but you can compartmentalize, like, oh, this is my person, this is my coffee soulmate, this is my shopping thrifting soulmate, this is my oh my God, we talk gossip about the new show that we watch, kind of soulmate. Whatever it is, you get to redecide all of it. Okay. What would your bank account look like? Would you be somebody who actually wants to live below your means? Are you somebody who wants to like spend it all and then restart over? Are you somebody who um would start learning more about financial investing? You get to decide all of it. People in your life, career, where would you surround yourself with? Do you want to spend, if you have kids, more time with your kids, less time with your kids? Are you traveling? Are you wanting to learn a new language? You get to redecide all of this. What would your closet look like? What would you have in there? What shoes would you buy for yourself? What kind of purse does this woman carry? What kind of outfits and style does this person embrace based on not only their lifestyle, but like what they deeply want to have on their body to prance around the earth? You get to redecide all of it. So you're picturing your life in a sort of meditative state. And maybe you do do a little meditation on this first and kind of act like you're in this new timeline in this home where all of these things are very articulate and you can touch them and you could smell them and you could see them in your mind's eye. And maybe some of these things are exactly the same. Maybe you choose your home again and you're like, oh my God, I love my home. I wouldn't change the location of my home. Maybe it's um, oh my God, these boots would definitely be there. But I want you to start visualizing this for yourself, really like you got to redecide everything. And then you can take that exercise and use it as sort of like a split screen. You know, when you see the left side of the screen is demonstrating one scene and the other side of the screen is demonstrating a different, totally different scene. You can start using this and holding this in your mind's eye as you're making decisions in your life from small things to big things, like your closet. And picture, hmm, if I were living in that world where I redecided everything after the aliens put me back on earth, what would my closet look like? And how can I move one step closer to that today? So your closet, your refrigerator, your desk, your junk drawer, everything in your life, what would the inside of your car feel like? What would commuting to work be like? Would it be, are you taking the train? People sort of do this now when they're kind of romanticizing their life as they're looking at their life through a new, fresh lens of how beautiful is my life. I want you to kind of use that as your split screen of this is so amazing, and I'm moving towards this. I'm moving towards more things that I want for myself. The next exercise you're going to do, you can do this with a partner, or you could do this just simply as a solo practice. But you are first going to list a bunch of questions for yourself. And you might want to do like ChatGPT. There's no right or wrong kind of list of questions. But the point of this is to reveal and let yourself admit to yourself the things that you do and don't want. I find that people have made these decisions in their younger adulthood, or people have not thought about these questions at all and have sort of let life happen to them. And their life is very happenstance instead of actively re-asking yourself these questions frequently to check in with yourself and ask yourself, is this still what I want? Is this still true? Am I moving towards the thing that is most true for me, what I desire now, versus, oh, I made the decision to do this career when I was 18 and then I just kept doing it. I don't want you to be sleepwalking through life because that's the opposite of living your most alive magnetic self. And your soul will slowly die and dwindle and surrender. And we don't want that. We are going to be reactivating all of this juicy aliveness and your aura will grow and you will magnetize all these beautiful new things to yourself the more you are committed to unknowing yourself so that you can know yourself again and again and again and again. You know that Charlie XCX song that says, fall in love again and again, fall in love again and again. I'm a horrible singer. Fall in love. We're gonna fall in love with you again and again and again and again by choosing to unknow yourself and know yourself. Unknow what you thought you knew and learn again who you are as of today, as of today, as of today, because the only thing that is true is now, and now is always changing, right? So we're getting to know yourself again and again. So you get to fall in love with your life over and over because you are actively choosing and actively knowing, actively checking in with yourself around what is true now and now and now. How about now? How about now? This want match exercise is something I learned from Borcastio from the Life Coach School. And I was certified through her program and I was a coach for her for a whole year, and then I built my business along the way. And now I ran my own coaching business, of course. And this exercise is something I really recommend and I do with myself frequently, but you can do this with you, you could do this with the partner. But the idea is that you discover your wants by answering a set of questions, and then you see, does my life actually match up to this? Or if you're doing this with a partner, you can do the questions, answer them separately, and then have a conversation and reveal your answers to each other to say, to see, do our wants match each other? You can ask yourself big questions, small questions. Again, it depends on what you want to know and what you want. Do you want to live in the home that you're living in now? Yes or no. You start to know that for yourself. You start to hear what your partner's saying, and it just really reveals to you what is true. And then you can both create a more magical, alive world where you are living the life that you want. This is going to create a life where you are in active creation, admitting this is the hardest part. The rest, the action part, happens merely on its own because you can't help but take action once you know something. So the creation begins to happen in your small decisions, in your small actions, and in your big actions as well. This re-evaluation want match exercise, or you could do the alien exercise, or you can do them both. Recommend doing this maybe seasonally, you can do every six months, one year, whatever you feel is right for you. All of these things you get to ask yourself. Forget what past you wanted, unknow yourself, ask yourself today, and then know yourself a little more deeply. You can also unknow your partner so that you can get to know who they are today, because who they were five, 10, 20 years ago is probably different than who you're in front of today. Some things might be a beautiful common through line that this person stayed true to who they were, and that might be something you absolutely love about them, but it opens up the conversation for both of you to get to know each other again and again and fall in love again and again. And sometimes we fall out of love, sometimes we fall back into love, sometimes we are in a state of complete different wants. We don't have want matches, and then we get to find out how to get those wants and needs matched outside of the relationship. Maybe somebody is wanting to create more friendships outside of the relationship because they need a certain thing met. For example, if you are a big thrifter like me, but your partner doesn't want to go thrifting all the time, that's okay. Creating that awareness is gonna help you find somebody else who does want to go thrifting with you, even if it's a friend. It doesn't have to be a completely new romantic relationship, but you get to get that want and need matched by somebody. You get to fulfill your own needs, but you can only do this if you know what the fuck they are. And admitting that to yourself is the hardest part. So allow yourself to be vulnerable. I'll even do this exercise by myself in my journal and really be with the answers before I even say them out loud or reveal myself to anybody else. I'll just do them for myself and then you could rip up that paper, you could burn it. You don't have to ever show anybody else. But allowing yourself to know is going to create that self-intimacy, that deep self-acknowledgement that creates that trust and tight relationship with yourself so that you can trust your intuition, you can trust your own knowing, you can trust your path and what desires are meant for you instead of following the desires that have been prescribed to you by society. How you can start to take action on this is by trying things on that you didn't think you liked. Try this in the dressing room, try this shopping, try this thrifting, vintage shopping, new at the mall. Try things on that you feel attracted to and don't explain it to yourself. Just collect it, try it on in the dressing room and look at yourself in the mirror. Unknow yourself so that you can know yourself. Unknow the part of you that said, Hey, I don't actually like that style. But if you're being attracted to it, for whatever reason, doesn't actually matter. Trying it on is gonna do something to your brain and your energy that you're gonna be able to evaluate and feel. Is this for me? Is this not for me? Have I evolved? Is this me now? All of this is identity work, but it's also the energy work of looking at you and witnessing yourself and who you are today. Now, sometimes I'll just try things on to double check that I hate it. And sometimes I'm delighted that oh, actually, oh my gosh, I actually really like this in this new color, this new shape, or this season. And sometimes I try something on, I'm like, yep, I still hate it on me. If you're not shopping, you want to do this right now, you can do this on Pinterest. I do this with my clients too when we start with style, but we also look at interior design as a way to understand style. We look at nails, makeup, everything under the sun, food, display, restaurants, hotels, childhood things that excited us, childhood style. The spice girls for me were huge. So I'm definitely pinning some of those outfits because they bring something alive in me that is so true to who my inner child is that I get to take care of her by saying yes to her as an adult that hey, we are gonna wear this thing because this reminds us of this certain vibe that we get to embody now because we are adult and we get to be as sexy as we want. Because when Spice Girls were big, I was little and probably shouldn't have been wearing all those sexy clothes as a little kid. And I I didn't. So this is a way of actualizing those desires that you had, you can actualize them now. The thing with wanting, because we're talking how to want like a woman, right? Is learning how to receive more than ever. So if you want, if you have desire, if you have yearning, you're gonna also have to learn how to receive because we can get stuck in the wanting and keeping it away from us, and it can feel so comfortable to have limerence in the romantic world and yearning, desire, and it can keep all the things that we actually do want at arm's length, and it can feel like it is being repelled away from us every time we take a step towards it, and that's because energetically you are coming from a place of desire versus having, which are opposites. Desire is not having. Desire and wanting is great to identifying, but being in a state of desire and wanting is also in a state of not having. And having and receiving is gonna be the thing that comes from actualizing the desire, going and getting it, going and having it for yourself, figuring out how to attract it into your life, opening yourself up to opportunities that change you that are gonna require even more courage than you have had in the past, and acting as if the person that has it is gonna require you to vibrate at a different frequency in your body and in your energy. The thing with most women is we were taught to not want. We were taught to put everybody else's desires and wants ahead of ours. And if we ever put ourselves on that list, if we ever even get there, it's gonna be something that falls to the wayside, something that's not the priority. So unlearning that is gonna be a whole other practice. So wherever you are, know that you are at a new upper limit, because this is how the nervous system works is we get a new level of comfortability with our success, and then the ceiling becomes the floor. Think about a big, tall skyscraper building. If we're on level one, we're on level one, the floor might be the ground level, and then the ceiling becomes the floor of level two, and so forth and so forth. When we are on level five, floor five, the ceiling becomes the floor of the next level of that building. So your upper limit right now is going to have you hit your head on the ceiling of that level of the building. So receiving more is going to require you to step onto that new floor that you've never stepped onto. It might look familiar. And in fact, I kind of think of it as like a spiral staircase, is like when you look outside a spiral staircase, you might know where north, east, south, and west are, but you're at a new level. So your perspective has changed. You're at a new level, so not everything is the same as it was on that level below you. So you're gonna have to rediscover and re-explore how to receive even more than you ever have before. That could be deeply uncomfortable for us because if you've been taught not to have attention, not to ask for your needs to be met, not to ask for the sale, not to speak up and say, Hey, I need another coffee. So many of us struggle with this because that's the conditioning that we received. And if you had a religious upbringing where you lived in a patriarchal religious system, that's gonna happen a tenfold. I know growing up in the Catholic Church, this was ingrained in every belief system, basically. So undoing that goes a lot deeper than you think, even though you've achieved so much success already, it is still lingering in your subconscious. And this is where the coaching comes in. Your visibility edge will reflect to you where your upper limit is. So if you are using your style, like I recommend, and you're trying on new things, you're gonna get new attention. You're gonna get some comments maybe from people that are saying, hey, you're kind of dressed up more than usual. This is what happens when you evolve, is you do attract more attention because it's you are different. So you're gonna attract different energy than you might be used to. And learning how to handle that is gonna be key to growing your capacity to be at the new level, to have these new, even bigger results that you're wanting, or wanting to create more impact is gonna come with more responsibility, more eyes, etc. This is where the phrase that I love to use and I teach all of my clients, and I've used on myself time and time again that helps me create a new baseline that helps me expand my capacity, that helps me stay at that new upper limit to stay on that new floor once I've evolved. And that is bougie is baseline. So when I am growing, it feels a little bougier in my habit to let go of old habits that I used to tolerate and accept around myself. So when I tell myself, oh, bougie is baseline, it helps me normalize this new habit in my mind to accept even more, to be in a place where I am even more comfortable with this new blessing that I am creating in my life and this new habit that is now my new normal. I don't even think about it too much. I'll give you a small example of bougie as baseline. For me, I love having a fridge that is beautifully stocked with healthy foods that are easy to grab and eat and are freshly washed, and I could just grab, and it makes it really easy for me to eat healthy and eat snacks that are delicious for me. Because how I treat myself is such a huge part of myself concept, and I'm choosing actively every day something I use all the time, which is my refrigerator, it's reflecting back to me how I treat myself and it signifies to me that this is my baseline. My fridge is always clean. That's first off. Okay, I make it a habit to wipe stuff when I see it. I make it a habit to take everything out once in a while, clean it all, put it back. And yes, my OCD does help with this. So if this isn't your thing, pick another area of your life. But I have containers that keep things organized. All the stuff comes to the front that's older, all the fresher stuff goes to the back. I have fresh fruits, vegetables lined up. I have sauces on a certain lazy Susan that is a marble thing. I have my fridge beautiful about 80% of the time. I would say it's pristine. And then I just know, okay, I'm gonna up level this next time I get groceries and reorganize, reposition, make it beautiful again, kind of like a reset. When I start to see things get a little messy, I'm like, no, no, no. Bougie is baseline. So let's make this a beautiful experience for myself. And it just takes a minute. I can't even tell you, it takes like five minutes just to bougie is baseline. Nothing is yucky in this fridge. I remove it immediately as soon as it starts being old, as soon as it I don't eat it anymore, as soon as I know I'm not gonna eat it, I remove it. So my bougie baseline is everything is fresh and beautiful in the fridge. And this is a habit that, again, takes no time for me anymore because it's my baseline. I've set up the system and now it's so easy to follow it. I know where everything is, nothing is hiding, everything is super easy to access. Because for me, having clutter and junk in my way is costing me energy every time I see it. It's like hitting your baby toe on the coffee table every time you walk past it to get to the couch. And if you're walking past it five times a day and you're stubbing your toe five times a day, your toe is annoying you. You're in pain and it's costing you all this unnecessary suffering. It's the same thing for me when I consider access to my fridge. So I'm not gonna be wasting all that time and energy suffering in lack of access to my blueberries. That is my bougie baseline. It is setting myself up for this bougie experience that to me is bougie. That to me, this is self-care. So you don't have to have a perfect fridge, not saying that. Do this in a way that works for you. This is just one of my examples of how I run my life. Bougie is baseline is an active way of participating in creating what I want. You get to create your results, you get to create your environment, your habits. So why not choose every day to do a little something that ups your baseline so that you can practice receiving? It expands your nervous system a little bit every day for you to normalize and grow your capacity to have those new things that you want. Because all these new opportunities that you're wanting for yourself, these creative, new, maybe never done before opportunities, maybe you want to do something that is like, oh my gosh, I want to create my own TV show and it's gonna be on YouTube and it's gonna be this huge production. I don't care what it is. I just want it to be your desire from your alien exercise. If you were offered that right now, you would not be able to receive it because you are you now. You are not you in your future yet. So every day you get to move towards that version of yourself. You get to move towards the person and the energy that would create and would be able to hold that new result. That's why nothing happens overnight. They always say, you know, success is always tenures in the making. There's no such thing as like an overnight success, is you don't just go viral on the first time you post something to the internet. It is tenures in the making where you have set yourself up every day, and then comes compound interest of all of that effort and work and expansion of visibility. And this is why people that win the lottery tend to be the people who lose all that money because their nervous system isn't equipped to hold that kind of money because they're used to being the kind of person that has their current results. So when you get a flush and a flood of all that new money, your nervous system actually subconsciously rejects it. Because if you're used to, let's say you spend all your money every month, you're gonna spend all that lottery money totally. And if you aren't conscious of this nervous system work, you will sabotage those things right out of your life if you haven't decided and are conscious of growing your capacity to have those new things. You have to open yourself up to receiving new, more bigger results. And sometimes that is money, sometimes that is being able to receive a deep love or more attention or more fans from that show that you created that was impossible before that you dreamed up in your alien experience. The next step is gonna sound contradictory, but it is to let it all go. So once you have your alien exercise done, you have done your want match, you are growing your capacity to keep the things and grow and unknow yourself so that you can know yourself and then act accordingly, you're gonna have to let it all go emotionally. Let yourself learn how to love where you're at, not be too graspy or convincey or over-controlling or over-action-y to create these new results. We're gonna let it go so that we can practice the art of non-attachment of I'm good if this happens, I'm good if it doesn't. I'm in so much gratitude for my current life. I love my current life. I love how much personal power I get to reenact in my life. I love unknowing myself. I love knowing myself, I love unknowing that whole thing. Releasing it allows you to like open your grip in your hands to receive that new thing. We can't hold our grip tightly and expect to receive new things. This could look like gripping onto your old life, gripping onto your old habits, gripping on to the life that you had before you did your alien experience or your want match. Gripping onto your old life is clenching your hands. How are you gonna receive things in your palms if your hands are clenched? You have to let it all go. Open up your hands, breathe. Be cool if you receive it, be cool if you don't. That is gonna allow you to receive, and that was that's what makes you magnetic because you're feeling good. That chasing desperation energy begets more desperate energy, you become more desperate because you're in lack, and that thing wants to run away from you because nobody really likes being chased by desperation. I'll give you an example of this. If you've been in a dynamic where somebody is desperate to talk to you, you start getting the ick because you start sensing, ooh, they're kind of desperate. It becomes a little creepy. But if somebody actually desires you and you desire them back, it can become something that is playful, but not from a place of desperation. It's playful because you can only really be in playful energy if you're having fun, if you're not attached, if you are happy as. Something does happen. And if you're being playful, you're like, hey, it didn't work out, no problem. That's a very attractive energy. So you can be in that dynamic with the things that you do want for yourself. When a woman knows what she wants, she becomes both extremely intriguing and intimidating. She becomes interesting, confident. It's giving leadership energy. It's giving she knows what she wants and she's gonna get it. And people want to follow you, they want to be around you, they want to be in your energy because that's what everybody wants. And it reflects out to other people safety and maturity. It gives you that big, magnetic, attractive aura that people are going to flock to. When I say intimidating, it's because not everybody in our society appreciates that about a woman. So it can be and feel rightfully so a little dangerous to feel and be this powerful because not everybody wants that for women. Okay. But when you embody this power and you know how to feel it, you can start to create your own safety with yourself around it instead of shaming yourself out of it or thinking you're too much or want to change yourself because somebody said something negative about you that you were full of yourself or whatever wants to tear you down from the place that you are, from what knowing what you want, right? You get to be in safety and honesty with yourself. And those comments get to roll off your back. When you are comfortable with your own bigness from wanting what you want and not having shame around it, and then being able to go create it, that is something that is so rare. It intimidates the shit out of people who want to offer you less than what you want. There are people that are gonna want to give you bread crumbs and make you feel like it's the fucking moon to keep you small and to keep you humble. Those are the bare minimum crumbs that you might be used to accepting and receiving. And we get this from our own conditioning, and it comes out as I should just be grateful. I shouldn't ask for more. So I want to encourage you that even all the work you've done to speak up, because you wouldn't be listening to this podcast if you weren't somebody who knows how to speak up for yourself. You're gonna have to do it again. And you're gonna have to do it for other people that come before you, and you're gonna have to do it for the people who come behind you too. Because if you have big impact, that's what you're doing, is you're paving a new path for yourself, but also for everyone else that's gonna come behind you. When you have the audacity to want what you want and go create it, you then get those bigger opportunities available to you because you are an energetic match for those new things now. So, unlike winning the lottery where it is boom in your face and you boom repel it because you're not used to it in your nervous system. This is going to be the thing that allows you to incrementally grow your capacity to be seen, to be recognized, to be even more stylish, to express yourself even more in your style and feel that bougie baseline of this is how I dress every day. This is how I feel about myself, this is how I get to and like to express myself. That is gonna be the thing that grows your capacity to have and receive and attract those opportunities that you are wanting for yourself, that your self-concept is gonna need to grow with as well. I spoke in an other episode about your self-concept and needing to be in your Delulu energy in order to create the Delulu results. Wanting like a woman is a sacred practice. It is something I want you to develop with yourself first in private, and then with a coach or a therapist or a very trusted friend who you know is not in competition with you and who is also growing in the same way in the same areas that you are, then share it when you are both in a place that you can talk about it excitedly, because not everybody will share your vision, unfortunately. Most people, their nervous systems want you to stay the same so that they can stay the same. So when you decide to let yourself want and desire things that you never let yourself desire before, but are actually true for you, and you've discovered in your alien exercise, it's gonna feel like blasphemy. It's gonna feel diabolical when you write it down for the first time. And then you admit it to yourself that, hey, this is what I want. That's okay. Let yourself be there. Let it be totally, utterly ridiculous and ridonculous. Get more comfortable with it first and just keep it as your own little secret first, as your own little knowing. And then when you feel more comfortable, it will start to naturally unravel. It will start to naturally become a part of who you are because you will be acting a little different. And it could be going from wearing light pink lipstick, like a nude natural lipstick, to something a little bolder. And you're gonna grow your capacity every single day with your new bougie baseline as you integrate your desires and start to act upon them. You can also start to let go of comparing yourself to what appears to be overnight success, to what appears to be something that, oh my God, that person got that opportunity because they're lucky. You get to stop doing all that stuff to yourself because that's torture. And you can really move into acknowledging and accepting what you want, unknowing yourself, being dedicated to re-exploring who you are today based on all of your experiences, all of the things that you are choosing to expose yourself to to get to know what you like and what you want today. New countries, new foods, new thrift stores, new restaurants in your neighborhood, new products at the grocery store, new vegetables next to the one that you usually grab. It can be big, it could be small. What I want you to focus on is asking yourself what is true today, what is true now, what is true now, what is true now. Because you five minutes ago could have wanted something different. You get to ask yourself again, you get to know yourself again. And as a Carl Young quote goes, the privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are. I heard something similar. I don't know who said it, but it was something along the lines of it's an honor of a lifetime to be me. And you get to really step into what is me? Who is me? What do I want now? Who is me today? Knowing yourself, unknowing yourself, and choosing to treat others this way too is asking people again, hey, do you still like this? Is this still true? Even if it's do you still like mustard? Asking is wanting to know, is wanting to have that intimacy, whether it's with you and your self-intimacy and really deeply understanding, knowing yourself. And the same with the other people that you love. You can love them more deeply, more fiercely by asking yourself these questions, by getting to know somebody over and over. This is how you decide to keep your relationships and your friendships alive and fresh is not putting them in the box of I already know the answer to this. I'm bored because the synapses in our brain ultimately do get worn out and we create neuropathways that create efficient pathways and we think we know somebody and we assume all these things, and then we get bored because that's how enmeshment works is like if there's no separation, no contrast, they're just an extension of you and you know them. So you act like you know them, and then really we are all slowly evolving over time, and it keeps things really interesting to be committed to and knowing and knowing yourself and everyone you love. That is what I have for you today. And if you want coaching on this, we can absolutely do this work together. This is something that I do with my clients frequently and often, and we come back to is what is true today. And I coach all day long on this. So that is definitely something you could do. Just book a consult with me. The link is in my description of this podcast, and we could talk about this exercise if you want, and we could talk about working together and what would that look like for you. Now go enjoy wanting like a woman and use these tools with yourself frequently. Start to expand your capacity to have bougie is baseline, is a mantra you can use with and for yourself. And creating this big magnetic aura, this energy about yourself is not always the easiest thing. So, again, if you want coaching on this, this is something I work on with my clients every day. It can also be really fun and exciting to step into your most magnetic energy and you will attract all these fun, amazing, cool opportunities and meet all these cool new people and wear all these things that feel so good to you. And it can also come with some growing pains. So, coaching is a really great way to start to integrate all of these lessons and have a soft place for you to land when you have discovered a visibility edge and maybe you feel a little visibility hangover and you need some coaching on it. Or if you want somebody to challenge you and help you double down on what you want or think even beyond what you thought was possible, that is something that I do with my clients all day long. And we have so much fun. And I hear people say things like, Oh my God, I didn't know I wanted that, or I never let myself admit that I wanted that before. And now that I've said it, it's not so scary, or it doesn't seem so big, or I'm so excited, start moving towards this big thing that I've always wanted for myself, but never thought I could actually create. And it here's the thing: once you expose yourself to the truth, the shame monster kind of disappears around it and it becomes a lot lighter, it becomes a little bit more fun to start approaching. And that energy creates momentum. It makes it so much easier to move towards it every day and for it to move towards you every day because you are no longer in a place of denial and repelling what you want. Because if you want something but you have shame around it, it's not gonna come to you. So creating that acceptance, that loving awareness is gonna make it wanna come to you just as badly as you want to go to it. It's a two-way street. Thanks for listening. And if you've enjoyed today's episode, hit the plus sign at the top of this podcast to follow the show and share an episode with a friend. For a daily touch point, follow me on Instagram at coach.with.holly or TikTok at coach with Holly. For more resources and offers, visit coachwithholly.com. And if you want to get coached by me, book a consult so we could talk about working together. Use a link in my podcast description below. Talk soon.