7. Rushing The Bloom aka Manhandling Manifestation

We map the shift from chasing outcomes to embodying desire through detachment, play, and identity-based style. From “rushing the bloom” to building a bougie baseline, we show how to act with intention, hold boundaries, and let time reveal what’s meant for you.

• chasing energy amplifying lack
• main character mindset and detachment
• waiting room test and showing up halfway
• brain’s need for certainty and story-making
• everything pursued for a feeling
• marketing through emotion not logic
• closet as museum of past self
• seasons, expiration, and vitality checks
• play as a life skill and nervous system care
• dressing room mirror work and bougie baseline
• gentle visibility, small steps, and consistency
• boundaries replacing people-pleasing
• style as daily expression and identity tool

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For a daily touch point, follow me on Instagram @coach.with.holly or TikTok @coachwithholly.
For more resources and offers, visit coachwithholly.com
And if you want to get coached by me, book a consult so we could talk about working together. Use a link in my podcast description below

Hit the plus sign at the top of this podcast to follow the show and share an episode with a friend.For a daily touch point, follow me on Instagram @coach.with.holly or TikTok @coachwithholly
For more resources and offers, visit coachwithholly.com
If you want to get coached by me, >> BOOK A CONSULT << so we can talk about working together.

Transcript

Welcome And Core Premise

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Welcome back to the magnetic mindset podcast, where spirituality, style, and strategy meet to help you be your most magnetic self. If you feel like you have achieved success on paper but are craving a deeper meaning and a life that feels alive, keep listening. The show is hosted by me, your coach, Holly Pendergast. Let's get into it. When we are in a chasing energy, whether this is in a relationship or it's a business or it is somehow getting attention of somebody else, or this could also be your relationship with something inanimate like money, for example. When you are only focusing your energy on what you want and desire, it sounds correct according to manifestation, but it's actually focusing on the lack of it because desire inherently is not having what you want. So instead, I want you to keep the desire, yes. But instead of focusing on the desire, instead of focusing on how you don't have it, I want you to move about your life as if it's not as important as it is. Okay, this is the trick. This is the trick to the universe, okay? And it sounds contradictory, but listen to the nuance. When you are living your life and you're having so much fun, imagining that you are in a movie, or for me, I like to pretend I'm in a music video because music videos for me are everything. It's the music, it's the mood, it's the environment, it's a scene, it's the emotion, and it's the other characters and the lighting and the music, right? Everything in a music video is about the story and vividly showing the story in physical world, right? So if you can for a moment, instead of focusing on what you don't have, focus on living your life as if you were that main character, as if you were in that music video and you were just living your life. Now you get to be telling your story without focusing on that thing that you know that you don't have yet, or focusing on your energy on how you don't like what's happening in your life. So if you want to change something, you have to stop focusing on it. I know it sounds kind of backwards, but instead, I want to encourage you to invest your energy elsewhere in things that do fill you up. And this is not avoidant, okay? This is not ignore the problem. Let's say you're trying to attract more money, or let's say you're trying to attract relationships, fill in the blank for whatever you are working on, whatever you want in your life. If you are waiting and you feel like you're in a waiting room for this person to text you back, or for this invoice to come back paid, or you're waiting for whatever you're posting to go viral. If you feel like you're in that waiting room, that that's how you know you are too invested. Your only job is to show up halfway. Not with half effort, but halfway. You have to let the universe meet you the rest of the way. And so many of us want to control the situation and show up and manhandle the universe and show up 100% of the way, but that is taking away the magic of the universe. Now, that might sound super fucking annoying because it's out of your hands. I understand this. But it's what I call rushing the bloom. And I understand the anxiousness of anticipation, of wanting to figure out how this story ends. And that's very human. The human brain, when we have an unknown circumstance in our life, or we aren't feeling fully settled in our life, and we feel like we need something else to complete the story, we need a partner to like fully live, or we need the business to be booming in order to fully know what's happening in the next chapter of our life, and we need to decide if we're gonna be able to buy a house or not, like all of that is going to irritate the human brain because the human brain likes to know what's happening, it likes to formulate the plan and the timeline. And have you noticed that the plan never goes exactly to plan? Actually, that's not exactly true because I have planned things very well, and they do go exactly to plan because I have a talent for anticipating needs and wants and desires, and I could picture the future very clearly. That being said, though, there are wrenches in our bigger plan, right? That the universe is giving us lessons and obstacles to make us stronger, to allow us to build the muscle of being able to hold the capacity and grow your capacity for having what's next for you, because your next chapter is going to require more of you. It might be more responsibility, it might be more of your time, it might be more of your emotional energy and focus, right? You might need to diversify your focus. Let's say if you're growing a family, right? You need to diversify your focus from just you and your partner to you, your partner, and the child. So it's not giving more, it's reorienting that energy. Sometimes it is giving a little bit more than you're used to, but it's coming from somewhere else. Maybe it's coming from what you might be calling your free time, right? We all have the same amount of time. It's just how are we using it like a pie chart, right? We are just reorienting the pie chart to reflect different focuses. So I'm coming back to rushing the bloom. When you want to figure something out, and let's say your pie chart is kind of simplistic right now, and you want to add more things to your plate, you are manifesting more things. You're manifesting a book deal, whatever it is, a partner, a bit a bigger part of your business. When one of those things feels like a mystery because you haven't created it yet, it creates an information gap in our mind. So part of that pie chart has a big question mark in it. And the human brain, like the animal brain in us, our primitive brain, wants to figure that out quickly because it's trying to anticipate what's in the unknown, because anything that's unknown to the human brain will pose as a threat. And it's a it is a threat because it's a threat to your identity, and your identity affects how you feel in terms of belonging. And belonging means survival to the animalistic primitive part of your brain. So, because this is so important, the brain wants to amplify the need to figure that shit out quickly. That question mark is disturbing to the primitive part of your brain. So, what your brain's gonna do is it's gonna wanna make up stories to fill in the gaps of what could be to feel more at ease and more in control of the future and of that unknown. That is what I call rushing the bloom. So imagine a rose that is still in its rose bud, and you know how it has that external the green part before you can see the petals. That's your story right now. And every new chapter is like you have a new rose and it's covered up in that green encasing. I don't know what it's called. But if you are rushing that bloom, it's like you're peeling back the green part to open up the red petals. And then you see the red petals and you're like, oh my god, there's more inside there. And you're trying to rip off the petals to get to the inside to bloom this rose. When the rose knows exactly what to do, at what time, according to how it's watered, it will find the sun, and it already has the conditions to bloom. So, us humans want to rush this bloom to figure it out so that we can feel at ease. That is going to destroy and kill the rose. That is going to kill your story, and the universe hates this. The universe hates when you try to manhandle it in this way. And it will postpone all of the things that are destined to come to you that are already a part of your desires and are already something implanted in your manifestation and in your world and in your destiny. It will slow you down. Your job is to plant the seed, water it, nurture it, give it love and attention, give it a little bit of sunlight, love on it, kiss it, good morning, say hello to it, and that's it. The rest will take care of itself. You have to pay attention, you gotta nurture this rose, you got to prune it sometimes. You have to look out for the thorns, of course. That is all a part of the plan. We can't negotiate. Are there gonna be thorns on this rose? How fast exactly is this rose going to bloom? And when is the next one coming? And is this bush gonna be a huge rose bush? It's gonna be right. We're trying to get ahead of ourselves thinking that it's benefiting us. But what we're really looking is for a feeling. All of this is for a feeling, all of this is to feel calm, and then you know what happens when we get there? We're bored and we're on to the next. So remind yourself every single thing we do in the world as humans is for a feeling or survival. Survival meaning food, water, shelter, connection with human beings. That's why connection with human beings when you're trying to figure out relationship, relationship stuff, sometimes feels like you are physically and mentally and emotionally in a state of war because we are in this hyper-aware state and we want to have that sense of belonging. That is manufactured from your brain and your body knows this too intrinsically. That's why we have the oxytocin chemical that comes through our body. It tells us, yes, we need this. This is why humans and babies need that connection, that skin contact with their mother as soon as they're born because it releases all those important good chemicals that we need to survive. This is just biologically evolution. We need cuddles as babies and we need cuddles as adults as well. And we crave all of that. That is just a part of our biology, and it's a beautiful thing. Having awareness around that is going to help you understand your graspiness for it. And we don't have to make it wrong. We don't have to correct it, we don't have to be hyper-independent and tell ourselves that we don't need to co-regulate. All you need is yourself, and you need to figure out how to meet the mead yourself. That is not true. Your job is to keep showing up in the energy that is open, that plan for yourself that you're wanting, and you can see it and you can feel it. And it might feel right now like you're missing something in your life. I believe, and this is what I've known to be true, is you desire those things and you can picture them and you can see them in your mind because it's a part of your future that today you is moving towards every single day. It's almost like a phantom pain where you're like, I know this is a part of my life, and I feel like I'm missing it, but I've never had it before, but I yearn for it. It's because future you is experiencing that in a different timeline, in a different dimension. You do have those things, and you will have those things, but you cannot rush the bloom. So let's examine this a little bit more. Let's say you are nurturing a client relationship and you're letting them come to you, and you keep showing up to show how awesome your offers are, or whatever you are offering the world, right? This could also be in a relationship too. So plug-in for X, right? Your job is to keep showing up and demonstrate what you offer. Don't try to tell people what you offer or convince people of what you offer or logically explain what you offer. This is where so much I see, this is where I see so much marketing go wrong in the world, is people are trying to logic their way into explaining their offer and the value of what they offer. And I'm like, no, no, no, no. Remember, everything is for a feeling. People buy out of emotion. People, and this is not necessarily a bad thing, it's a neutral thing, actually. When we want something, it's a feeling, it's a desire. So we will buy something to satisfy that feeling and get that need met or solve a problem, right? Everything we've ever bought is because of how we think it's going to make us feel. And this is why when you buy something you love, like let's say you buy a pair of brand new, gorgeous Spanish leather boots, and they're the perfect height on your heel, and they fit your foot, and they're just you're, you know, you're gonna love them forever. That initial dopamine that you get is so satisfying because you feel like you've almost like caught a fish when fishing, and you're like, yes, I caught these Spanish leather boots out in the wild. They're my perfect size. I know I'm gonna love them forever. You will continue to wear them because of the feeling that they give you. And of course, the form and the function of what they serve for you in your life and protecting your food and walking around the world and walking around the earth, but you pick them because of the feeling that they're going to give you when you put them on. When you are decluttering in your closet, you release things because you're releasing the dead weight of the thing that no longer serves you emotionally. This is why you can have something in your closet and you're like, it works, it functions correctly, but it's no longer a part of how I feel and how I vibrate in the world. And this is why your closet can reflect old you back to you. It's like a museum of past self because chronologically, in time, we collect clothes, we put them in our closet, it hangs there until we wear it or donate it or throw it away or dispose of it, right? So past you made those decisions, and those decisions are now hanging up in your closet. And every day you go in to grab something to wear based on what past you decided would be satisfactory to put on your body. Your closet can reflect old versions of you, old identities, old roles that you used to play. And sometimes we have clothes that physically wear out, right? Like they get holes in places and they get wear in, you know, in the seams or whatever, what have you. That is a sign that you loved that garment and you used it and you loved it. Now you can decide to repair it, you could decide to keep it, you could decide to release it. And when you release it, you are physically releasing the energy, and you get to do this with gratitude. This is why Marie Kondo says to thank your clothes, to thank your possessions for how they served you. And then you can love them, bless them, and release them back out into the world, or let them know that their journey with you is complete. This is the same thing that you can do with your relationships or your offers in your business. You get to reassess is this serving me? Is this current? And not, is this current, is this a current trend? I want you to like makeup expires, like clothes expire, energy also expires, relationships also expire. And if you aren't checking them frequently, checking in with yourself, checking for alignment, they will literally rot and go bad. Clothes will literally rot and go bad too, especially things like elastic. Or if you've been to an estate sale and you see all these clothes, every time I go to an estate sale, I see the expiration date of things of humans. And you can really see, let's say the person died and they're selling everything in their house, right? Or the family's selling everything in their house. You will see all the vintage items. And let's say you pick up something that used to have elastic in the waistband and you pull it to test the stretchiness, and the elastic is totally fried. That is an expiration of that material. Your energy is the same way, relationships are the same way. Everything in the world has seasons, everything is alive and vibrating. Trees go through seasons. We physically go through seasons and cycles as women, right? Every day we are in a different phase of our cycle. So it is so vital for you to check in. This is going to be the thing that keeps you living in vitality and creating more vitality, more life force, not only just to create more, be productive. Like the point isn't to be productive, the point is to check in with your own aliveness. Are you living alive? Your style is a really easy, simple, fun way to reassess your liveliness. Are you somebody who is throwing your hair up in a bun and throwing on yoga pants because it's a part of your routine and you're calling it efficiency, you're calling it productivity, you're comparing yourself to Steve Jobs and giving yourself a uniform. That might work for you. My question is, but do you feel alive? And sometimes that uniform can make you feel more alive because you're creating more space in your life to take out that decision fatigue. But your clothes can still feel so comfortable and fit the need to be comfortable and efficient, and you can still be vibrating so high because you love what you're wearing. And there's a million ways to do that. You can hone in on what fabrics you love, what silhouettes you love. If you're going to be throwing on yoga pants to be comfortable, why not throw on wide-leg linen pants and feel fabulous? On days where you're feeling super sensitive, wear clothes that feel comfortable and nurturing to that energy, but you don't have to sacrifice your aliveness doing it. For me, on some days, I know when my body is feeling extra sensitive. And I know, okay, today's a day where I am not wearing a bra. Perfect. I'm wearing a nylon top that is still making me feel beautiful and making me feel supported and secure, but I am not forcing myself into a cage or a bra or jeans. You do not have to force yourself into anything, and you can still meet your needs and you can still be taking action. Consider yourself pushing 1% further every day. 1% every day for a year will put you on a completely different trajectory than you are putting yourself right now if you aren't being mindful of rushing the bloom. I know all of us overfunctioning, hyper successful baddies are used to creating our circumstances and creating our results this way. And for a while it worked. To get yourself out of survival mode, sometimes that season of your life is essential. You got to take things fully into your own responsibility and create new results and generate them yourself because you realize no one is going to save you. You have taken yourself for out of survival mode. And yes, that is such an important step into being empowered and creating the life that you want. That is the reason why you have everything beautiful around you and you have built all your success. I want you to really own that and know that once we get used to that, we can take it a little bit too far and remove all of the playfulness into our life. Do not confuse this with peace. So much of our success is for the need for peace, and peace is a feeling. And yes, you can generate peace from creating a life where you are not in survival mode and you have a beautiful support system. And remember that peace can sometimes feel boring. And this is not about messing up your peace to become chaotic and get you back in survival mode because that's where the dopamine is. Absolutely not. This is taking everything you have done and honoring that version of you by allowing yourself to use the foundation that you built to now play and enjoy your life. Enjoying your life is a skill. Enjoying and playing is a skill. And we're taught, after you know, a certain age in your childhood, that play is no longer acceptable and you got to be get serious and hunker down and be an adult. And that is the biggest lie that we're told that will dull you. It will make your soul be quiet, and it will have you vibrating at a state where you kind of feel like you're going crazy because you're like, I've built all this success and I have this amazing life. Why don't I feel the way I want to feel? It's most likely because you aren't familiar with play, and that's okay. Play can be very vulnerable. Play is open-ended. There's often no time no use for play other than feeling the experience of play. So it's easy to write it off and say, well, I don't need play. It's excess to my life. Absolutely wrong. This is why it is so devastating that we have removed art from school because we consider art, which requires play, unnecessary. Like it's not a crucial thing for our body to thrive, for our mind to thrive, for our consciousness to grow, for our cup to be filled. If you aren't playing, you aren't living. Anything that has ever moved you emotionally, which again, remember, everything we do in life is for a feeling. If you aren't living in a state of play, which is easy to neglect for the reasons I stated previously, you will feel dull. You will not have the words to express how you're feeling to somebody. Everything that we admire and love about the earth and the human experience. When we see a mountain range and we are blown away by how grand the mountains can be, or how vast the ocean can be. When we are in that state of mystery and awe, that's because the earth has given us art to look at and admire, right? Mother Nature created all of this for us to enjoy and look at and experience and admire and protect it and nurture it. Are we doing that? That is a very questionable, not exactly, and that is a whole different podcast. But everything that has moved us, right? Whether it is hearing a poem, it is watching a movie, watching the vulnerability of people play through an experience in life, reading a book that takes you on an emotional roller coaster and you want to see how this character pans out, what is their their trials, their tribulations? How do they get past this obstacle? How do they grow? What is what are their triumphs? What are their weaknesses? All of this is for you to experience. That is the point of life. When you are reading a chapter book, are you skipping around the chapters to figure out what happened to the character? No, we don't look at the last sentence of the last page of the book to figure out what happened to this character. The point is to go through all of it together. The point is to let that rose be seeded, be sprouted, grow into a stem, blossom into a flower, die again, become fertilizers, start the whole thing again. So no need to rush the bloom. Tell the part of your brain and your heart that wants to figure out and feel rushed. I'm thinking like hamster squirrel energy that's like frenetic and frantic, trying to figure it out. Pause. First of all, breathe. Every time I'm freaking out, I realize, oh, it's because I'm not breathing. My body is sending emergency signals to my brain. So breathe, come back, lean back. Sometimes just physically telling your body to sit back, breathe, is enough to reset your energy and come back into your breath and the calmness that's going to remind you that your job is to show up halfway and let the universe meet you. Let other people meet you. If you are in a partnership or you're looking for a partnership, you have to let them meet you where you are instead of trying to handle all their feelings and prevent them from experiencing the need and the responsibility to meet you where you're at. When you are in a dance with a person and you are figuring out the dynamic, you have to let them reveal their character to you. Everything will be revealed to you with time, with coming back the next day, checking in, watching how people act, how do they show up? And I want to discourage you from taking this information and start seeing everything as a test, but rather observing. Instead of like, are they going to text me back? If they don't text me back at noon, but just that this means in your like making up these mental challenges to test somebody else, instead, I want you to lean back and take this stance of observation. We are just simply observing how the other person is showing up in our world. This can be the same for client relationships. You get to observe how your client or your potential client is coming to you. What energy do they come to you with? What questions are they coming to you with? Are they interested? Are they just curious? Do they have no intention of buying with you, but they're asking all these questions because they're nosy? These are all things that are actions that they are taking that you get to observe and assess and discern is this what I want in my life? Is this the kind of client I want to take on? Is this the kind of person I want to date? Et cetera, et cetera. This is where shopping is a spiritual experience. Whenever you enter a store, you are entering a portal, a possibility, and a whole plethora, an entire buffet of new identities that you get to feel into. So this could be Rodeo Drive, this can be Marshall's. This could be a thrift store, this could be the Chanel store. It doesn't matter where you are. If there's a store and there's clothing in it, and you get to try it on, you get to feel into different energies, different frequencies, just like the radio stations change. You get to try on a rock station. Are you feeling rock music? Try on a rap station. Are you feeling rock? Are you feeling classical music? What vibe do you want to feel? What frequency would you like to jump onto? What channel would you like to enjoy and embody? The reason why talk therapy and talk coaching, which I absolutely love. I see so much value in it. And you're absolutely listening to something right now, which means you're consuming and you're taking in information. Information is great, and transformation can come from awareness and understanding how the human brain works. Absolutely. But the real physical embodied transformation doesn't happen unless you take new action and unless you feel something different. The reason why action is essential and why you can't just feel something is because action creates a new experience and your experience changes you. This is why we have trauma in our brain, is because we have gone through something experientially. And in our body, we are storing information, we are storing a story that has made us upset in some way. It can affect how we think about the future and what's dangerous to us and prevent us for from encountering real or made-up mental danger. That's how trauma works, right? And you can alchemize some trauma by facing it. Exposure therapy. You can know about exposure therapy. You can understand what exposure therapy is intellectually, but until you face yourself with that exposure of that new experience, that is your opportunity to become the person you want to be. That is your feet in front of you. That is what we are doing in this world to grow. The only way you grow is by taking action and trying something new and giving yourself that inner talk that's going to lead you through it. Maybe you have to hype yourself up. Maybe you're giving yourself more compassion than you've ever given yourself before. Maybe your transformation comes from babying yourself, but the transformation comes from witnessing who you are becoming and the vulnerability of being willing to try something new. And newness, remember, is a threat to our past, to our past and our present, because our human brain likes what it knows because it signals safety to our subconscious. Our subconscious hates the unknown because of the information gap, like I talked about before. Clothing when you try it on, and I love this because it's free, and you're in a dressing room by yourself with a mirror. This is the epitome of mirror work. And when you have the clothes to try something on, you get to feel into it. You get to see yourself differently. This is the work of a lifetime, is to know thyself. You can only know thyself if you put yourself in experiences where you have to find out who the fuck you are. You always get to decide who the fuck you are. So when you try on new clothes, it signals to your brain an identity. It signals to your brain a role that you might want to step into. And this is the thing that I love about trying on clothes too is when you're trying on something new and you really like something, it does something to your energy and your body and your cells that tells you oh, this is my new bougie baseline. I have up leveled. My new baseline of seeing myself. So when you put on your old clothes that you came into the store with, sometimes we could be like, yeah, this is old me. I have to put on my the past version of myself's clothes because I have to purchase this thing and then go back home, right? And those clothes can sometimes signal to us a shedding of a skin. Because when you try on new clothes, you are being that new person, seeing yourself differently. And it does something to your brain that up levels how you see yourself, which changes the relationship that you have with yourself. When you change the relationship you have with yourself and you up-level your self-concept, you know yourself differently. You not only see the potential of what you have ahead of you, you embody the potential because your brain has now seen an image of you in that mirror of this is who she is. This is where she's going. This is who the fuck I am. This is who I be. And you know when you try something on and you're like, oh yeah, immediately yes. Those are the clothes I want you to continue to reach for. I want you to make the decision right now, the new bougie baseline, that if it's a meh, it's a neh, which means if it's a uh, I think so, it could work, it's fine. It's an absolutely fuck no. That's a full-body no that your body is telling you, and you're gaslighting yourself into trying to quote unquote make it work, like forcing the shoe on the wrong foot. Yeah, you can do that, but you're gonna get blisters and you're gonna mess up the alignment of your knees and your hips and your back and your right. Don't do that to yourself. Use your style to embody the shedding of skin, the shedding of the layers, and trying on and embracing the new. Now, what happens when you shed skin? It's ugly, it's gross, it's dried out, and you can love it, think it, and release it for how it served you. And that new skin is gonna be a little bit raw. It's gonna be fresh out the bag, right? It's gonna be a little bit more soft, and you have to build a new layer of capacity to be in that new shiny, soft skin, just like baby skin. It's so soft and fragile, right? And it's tender. You have got to be careful with it. You can't put rough things on it. It will scratch it, it will be so sensitive. That is you, boo. So when you're trying on a new energy, it might feel vulnerable. That is called your visibility edge. You are being visible, being that new version of yourself, embodying that energy, and it might feel vulnerable, it might feel a little risky. That's okay. I always invite you to look at yourself first in the mirror. It will feel risky to yourself. But if it's a full body yes, I want you to enjoy it. You can enjoy it, it can hang in your closet for a week before you actually put it on. Maybe you just put it on, you hang around the house, or you go on a low-risk challenge where you just go to the post office and mail something in it. You come home, you're done, you take it off. This is how you expand your capacity for visibility, being in that new energy and alchemizing your old self to step into the new version of yourself that is truer and current and relevant to who you are today and who you are becoming. When you do this in every area of your life and your wardrobe, this can be socks, start with underwear, start with things that is just you yourself and I that is seeing and very intimate people, right? And then when you're ready, take it, take it public, okay? So go for start with yourself, start with a trusted group of people that love and and encourage you, or a low-risk environment where you're gonna be around strangers and people won't know any, won't know you any differently, so they probably won't say anything any differently, or you might get some compliments. Who the fuck knows? But you don't have to commit to wearing something for 12 hours a day if it's new, or if you are like me and you like to dive into the deep end and watch yourself learn how to swim and learn the hard way, you can do that, but just know that you might take yourself a little bit too far and it might kind of create a contraction in your nervous system where you get scared and you don't want to try it again. And I'd rather you take little steps every single day to embody those things so that you can sustain that result versus swing from one paradigm edge to the other and go all or nothing. All or nothing usually results in stop and start behavior, which creates lack of consistency. And we know consistency is what creates embody and integrated lessons and a new identity rather than oscillating from all the way from one side to the other. Basically, it helps you integrate and nourish and digest the lessons that you're learning so that they become a new part of who you are and come into your future versus being a trend that you try on and then you hate it and you regret or isn't actually in alignment and you learn that the hard way by putting something on your body that isn't actually in alignment with who you are. This is why I think so much styling that comes through those like subscription kind of boxes, or when somebody is telling you what to wear, it doesn't really work because it's borrowing the energy of what an expert is telling you to wear. And that might be their style or their suggestion for your body, but it might not truly be in alignment of who you are and what you truly like. So getting to know yourself on a deep level is going to be the thing that makes the rest of that obsolete. It makes experts' opinions obsolete because you know what's right for you, just like foods. You know what foods do well in your body, and you know which foods that you try again, and you're like, yep, I still hate raw fish or whatever you hate. Allow yourself to know yourself, and this will come across in your style. And not only that, it comes across in your energy. It comes across as that person knows themselves, and I trust them because they don't betray themselves. People pleasing is I will betray myself at any moment because I choose not to have boundaries because I think not having boundaries makes me safer and more desirable to the other person. Boundaries is gonna be the thing that helps you respect yourself because you're respecting it and acknowledging your boundaries, and you let others know that you are not boundaryless, that your boundaries are to be respected. And that is how we can actually all get along and thrive, is when we have an understanding of our boundaries and why, and we don't fawn to what other people need to make ourselves more desirable. Fawn meaning, oh, it's okay. I will just sabotage my boundary and sabotage this relationship to make myself more likable, and then I will be depleted and drained, and I will be in a state of performative energy, and then I will blame the other person for it. Instead of taking full responsibility, knowing yourself, communicating what you want, either with your voice or with your body and your energy and your body language and your style. Your style is always communicating for you. So I want to encourage you to play with it, use it, and see what happens. This is all a grand experiment of expression. Expression isn't a scientific thing you can nail down once. It is something that you do every day when you get dressed. It is coming back to your canvas like an artist comes back to an art piece. Checking in today, what does this art want from me today? What does it need today? What is coming through today? That is exactly what your style is too. That is exactly what relationships are. Coming back to that person, being committed to asking questions every day and being willing to unknow somebody, to know them, being willing to unknow yourself to set yourself free and keep asking yourself, what is relevant today? Who am who have I evolved into? Is this still what's true for me? Because you are an enigma. Just like the world and the earth and biology evolves, your soul, spirit, consciousness is evolving as well. Do not stifle it and do not rush the bloom. It's a constant moving through the world. It is a constant honor of a lifetime to keep checking in with yourself and it keeps life interesting. Imagine figuring, imagine you learn, imagine you consider yourself like a Rubik's Cube that you just figured out the algorithm of figuring out a Rubik's cube. That would be so boring. And then you're like, yep, I know how to solve the riddle. I know how to solve the problem. Done forever. How boring is that? That is not living a life that's actually alive. That's living a stagnant life that breeds depression unnecessarily. So live alive. It is so worth it. It's what we're here to do. So live creatively, check in with your body what turns you on, what lights you up, what excites you. Allow yourself to follow it. You can do it in tiny steps, you could do it in big steps. Do it with your style today. Thanks for listening. And if you've enjoyed today's episode, hit the plus sign at the top of this podcast to follow the show and share an episode with a friend. For a daily touch point, follow me on Instagram at coach.with.holly or TikTok at coach with Holly. For more resources and offers, visit coachwithholly.com. And if you want to get coached by me, book a consult so we could talk about working together. Use a link in my podcast description below. Talk soon.