17. Ever been FUN FUMBLED?

How much joy are you actually willing to let yourself feel, and what does it reveal when you do?
Fun can look frivolous from the outside, but it’s one of the fastest ways to find the truth. 

After two trips to Miami in 90 days, I couldn’t ignore what that city brought out of me: more pleasure, more presence, more confidence, and a deeper sense of worthiness that had nothing to do with “earning” it. Miami becomes my backdrop for a bigger question: how much joy are you actually willing to let yourself feel, and what does it reveal when you do?

We get into fun intolerance and pleasure intolerance, and why some people can be in a gorgeous place and still spiral into complaint, boredom, or discontent. I share how magnetism shows up in the smallest moments, like waiting in a line, getting delayed, or dealing with pain while still choosing to stay connected to beauty. This isn’t about pretending life is perfect. It’s about discernment, nervous system regulation, and building the capacity to hold pleasure without immediately collapsing back into negativity.

Then we go to the ugly part: fun raises your standards. When you finally taste freedom, it becomes impossible to unsee what’s misaligned, including draining jobs, lopsided responsibilities, or friendships that “fun fumble” you by puncturing your joy. I also talk about being multi-dimensional without performing an identity, plus my current hyper-fixation on Bad Bunny and why his music feels like celebration, safety, and medicine when the world feels on fire.

If this resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs more joy, and leave a review so more people can find it.

Hit the plus sign at the top of this podcast to follow the show and share an episode with a friend.For a daily touch point, follow me on Instagram @coach.with.holly or TikTok @coachwithholly
For more resources and offers, visit coachwithholly.com
If you want to get coached by me, >> BOOK A CONSULT << so we can talk about working together.

Transcript

The Good, The Bad, The Bunny

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We're gonna talk about the good, the bad, and the bunny. Also, a little update because in the past 90 days I've been in Miami twice. And this is a little love letter to Miami and the idea of being fun fumbled. When you're having fun, it makes you face your shit. Welcome to the Magnetic Mindset Podcast, where spirituality, psychology, and philosophy meet to make you your most magnetic self. If you feel like you have achieved success on paper, but are craving a deeper meaning and a life that feels alive, keep listening. The show is hosted by me, your coach, Holly Pendergast. Let's get into it. So let's start with the good. Okay, the good. My Gemini moon shows me, and I've been leaning into this lately. I can be a life coach. I could be a yoga instructor. I could be a channeler. I could go serious. I could go deep. I could go big-hearted. I can be an alchemizer of energy, and I could be very traditionally quote unquote spiritual and zen and in the moment. I also have this other part of me that I haven't spent time exploring, especially not in my early 20s. I think a lot of people went through this in their 20s, but I have not been partying very much. And now that I am in my mid-30s and I'm in this different place in my life, and I have adult money and I have my, you know, blessings and resources and wisdom, I'm able to enjoy this phase of my life in a way that I couldn't have in my 20s. And so all the FOMO that I kind of had about that, of being like super serious in my 20s, building a business and then building another business and really just growing in that way. I have been able to really enjoy my adulthood, so to speak, in a way that's like different than I would have ever imagined for myself. And I really use Miami as a symbolic representation of this because it brought out so much in me that I didn't know I could feel. And the way I've enjoyed it and resonated with the energy of the ocean and the beauty and the really gorgeous Art Deco architecture everywhere. And the people are vibrant, the air is warm and inviting, and it's humid there in a way that feels like a warm hug. Now, I went in December and then I also went in March. So I understand summer is a different energy with the humidity. But this is what I've experienced in Miami so far. And I've been to the most beautiful places. I've been in the city, I've been in the residential areas too, and there's a certain beauty about that. And I know the very fancy spots are not the same as the rest of the city, but the way I've been able to like soak it all in has really opened something up in me and allowed me to enjoy more of my life, really, in a sense of like how I feel about myself, how I see myself, how I see other people, just exposure to a different culture, because I'm in LA and Miami culture is so different. And it's just very Latina, and even like the restaurants, it's not just the restaurant and the food, which are delicious. It's the people, the way they dress, the way they move. And yes, Miami gets this rap of like everything is fake and everything's on credit and whatever. And although that may be true, and yes, there's a lot just like LA that's very surface level. And at the same time, it showed me what's possible for myself by simply being in this energy, being in the rooms, being amongst these people. And it really broke open another layer of worthiness for me because when you're there, you see, hey, this person is not unlike me. And it kind of takes away any separation of like, oh, I can't have that. And it allows you to see, hey, everybody is human. There is no behind the curtain wizard of oz moment of this person can achieve this kind of success and I can't. It like really did this at another level. I've done a ton of this work, and it also let me experience that, hey, this is a lifestyle that I get to enjoy. Not everybody gets this, but I'm here and the universe has presented opportunities for me where I didn't even go really searching for this. I got presented and invited to these ideas, and I'm fully trusting my path, my opportunities, the people that are being put into my life that are inviting me to these gorgeous places. And they're doing that because I myself am magnetic to these experiences, these people. And the way I do that, which I've been noticing between people in general, the past like maybe five-ish years, I would say during COVID and then when the world started opening up and I started traveling more, like even just like going to Mexico, going on beautiful trips, where I notice some people are in beautiful, magical places and they can't even enjoy it. And yes, there's a human experience of you're gonna be uncomfortable sometimes, and there's gonna be things that go wrong. And then sometimes you're gonna have to wait in a super long line or your flight's gonna get delayed, whatever. And how you handle that experience tells me how magnetic you are. If you are super antsy in a line and you can't handle being with yourself in a line because you're like, oh my God, when are we gonna get in? I can't believe this is happening, this never happened. I know your energy, it ain't magnetic because you're not having that much fun. And the thing with fun is it's I've talked about this on a different podcast before, it's pleasure intolerance. And some of us have fun intolerance because we are focusing on the shitty, human, uncomfortable moments in life, the discomfort in life, rather than shifting our focus to looking for beauty, looking for gratitude. And this is not to ignore pain whatsoever. I'm saying, can you lean into the intolerance that you have? Do you have intolerance around the fun part? Because the pain's always going to be there. And I'm not denying it. Maybe sometimes you embrace it to learn from it. That's not what I'm saying at all, right? But can you lean more into the fun? How much fun are you willing to have and stay there? How much pleasure are you willing to have and enjoy it? Soak it all in. On the flight home from Miami, I was watching Ypre Love, and there's like a quote, and this guy, I think it they were in Italy at this point, and this guy says, Americans have entertainment. You know how to be entertained, but you don't know pleasure. And I was like, exactly. In Italy, they stop, they take a break, they enjoy the gelato, they enjoy the espresso, they admire, they have fiction in this way. And Americans know how to be busy and fill the space with words and filling it with complainy vibes. And again, I'm not saying that the pain doesn't exist. Listen, I have chronic pain. I have chronic things that happen in my body too that cause suffering. And at the same time, especially when I'm out and about, I'm gonna have some fun. I don't care what's happening around me. I don't care if I'm in a line. I don't care if I'm in an alleyway for some reason. I'm gonna figure out a way to make a joke. I'm gonna figure out a way to enjoy our time. I'm gonna figure out how to have a really great conversation, or I'm gonna be all consumed by the food that I'm eating and really taste it. I don't care what I'm having, I'm having fun. And that is what makes me magnetic because of my attitude. And I wanted to share that with you so that you can start to really tune into, hey, where am I just out of habit blurting things out? Where am I out of habit just being in a place of discontentment or even boredom? I know some people get really bored on a plane, and I'm like, what if you open to the window and let yourself stare out into the distance and feel the perspective that you have from thousands of feet up looking down at the earth? What if you let yourself enjoy that silence and be with yourself in a way that has you face yourself, face your demons, face your gifts, face your pleasure, face your dynamic with your significant other and really think and feel through your family, whoever it is. Allow yourself that quiet time to receive messages from source. This is the only time and space, only when you have that time and space can you receive these messages. I heard something along the lines of meditation is listening and prayer is speaking to source. So I want to invite you to continue to make space for that. How much good can you experience in this world that is extremely chaotic? We are in the medieval times, so to speak, right? We are going through through a very humultuous time in our world, in our country, between you know, continents and current events. Things are wild out here. Simultaneously, I ask you, how much joy can you have? Are you allowing yourself to have? How much joy are you intentionally creating in your life to balance out the stress, the trauma that's happening to us collectively and individually in our life's path? Fun cultivation in itself brings up all our shit. So I talked about the good. This is the ugly. I'm gonna get to the bunny in a second. But the ugly is when you're having fun, it makes you face your shit. When you're having fun and you have to go home, and you're like, oh no, I have to go home. Maybe you have like a dread feeling. Why is that? Is it your actual home? Is it the people in your home? Is it responsibility? Is it going back to a job you hate, maybe? What is it that when you have so much fun, the contrast of negativity becomes louder? Okay. That's the ugly part that when you face, and most people want to avoid the fun because it doesn't, it actually has you like neglecting the ugly in your life and it makes it more tolerable. So when you increase your fun tolerance, you decrease your tolerance for non-fun, for the shit that you've been tolerating and putting up with, the things that feel like a burden for you that you know you can change, but maybe you haven't changed out of habit. All of that comes in perspective the more fun you have. So it makes sense by so many people. Avoid it. It makes you face all of that. Am I willing to let that go? Is the question I want you to ask yourself. Are there things that are misaligned in your life? People, responsibilities, jobs. Maybe you're taking on too much at home. And your freedom and your fun time out on a girls' trip showed you that maybe. I don't know. I'm just making up these hypothetical experiences that I know I have felt before in past experiences when I've been on really fun trips. I remember too, last time I was in Miami, I wore these really cute heels, but I was at a club the night before, and I was gonna see 50 Cent, which I'm a huge fan of his music, and I had never seen him before. And I was like, oh my god, I gotta see him. And he didn't play till super late. So I started creating this blister or my the shoe, my foot were creating a blister in this, like on the ball of my foot, was so painful. I was dying internally, but I was there to enjoy the show. So I knew, okay, this is the cost of wearing these shoes, and I'm not gonna take all my shoes in this club, absolutely not. And I was like, okay, I'm in full acceptance of the pain that I'm feeling and watched the show, had so much fun the next day. So that was like maybe night two of my trip. The next day, I knew I was gonna be walking around at the beach, looking at the architecture. Like I knew I was gonna be out exploring, and that means walking. And I was having this blister, and I was like, but I'm going to be enjoying my day. I don't care what's happening on the bottom of my foot, but I will enjoy this ocean. I will enjoy all that this experience has to offer me. The warmth, the sun, this iced coffee that I'm having, whatever it was. And I look back at those pictures and I'm like, oh my God, I remember my foot. Because I actually did um put my feet in the water. And then because I opened the blister to let the, this is TMI, to drain the blister, it stung so bad. And I was like limping back to the sand trying to get my shoe on because I needed to walk back and like, you know, do the whole thing, get back to my um hotel, all the things. And I was just like, but I'm so glad I put my foot in the water because I wanted that experience of feeling the ocean, feeling the healing energy of the water was so important to me that I don't remember the blister until I recall the blister intentionally. And I'm like, I have fun no matter fucking what. And again, it's not the act of denial of the pain, it's accepting it fully and choosing. This is discernment, discernment, discernment, discernment. That's where all of your power is. Am I gonna choose to focus on the fun, the pleasure, the golden light coming through the trees, the sway in the leaves through the wind? Or am I gonna focus on the blister? That's always up to you. How much power you give the essential darkness, contrast, negativity in your life? That is up to you. You can't have one without the other. You can't have bliss without pain, you can't have pain without bliss. This is embracing more of the bliss because what I see is lack of choosing to enjoy, lack of knowing that you have the power to discern and flip on the switch of fun. This is a term that I blurted out when I was venting to a friend about having fun, because fun is a sacred experience, and it's something that I see between people who are magnetic and people who are not. The major difference is they are having fun in this specific way. And I'm calling this fun fumbles because sometimes we're in a group and we're in a group of people who aren't as aware. Um, and this has happened like in so many instances, like micro moments where instead of, or somebody's telling a story, right? And they're like, oh my God, I'm really excited about this. And maybe you don't fully agree with what they're doing, but they are having fun and they're with their vulnerability in hand, sharing their fun with you. It's so important to hold that fun with them. They're gonna learn the lesson on their own. You don't have to tell them and spoil the ending of, hey, girl, that's not actually healthy. Like hold some of the fun with them while it's temporarily like benefiting them. Hold the fun with them if that's what they are wanting and looking for in the relationship with you. And of course, you can hold them when they come down from the fun. So being in friendship, having friends that know how to hold you in your fun without fumbling your fun is what I'm currently seeking out in my close friendships. And what I want to encourage you to look at in your friendships and also release friendships that fum fumble you. Are you often going out and recognizing a pattern with a friend that they're always like sucking out the vibe, like sucking up all the air, they're sucking up all the negativity, and they're bringing all the attention to this thing that is, yes, happening, but it's distracting from like the like I'm imagining a concert. Like there's somebody you both paid to watch perform, and they're like fidget, like it would be like me, like fidgeting with my blister while 50 cent was on. And I'm like, I came here for the 50 Cent. So why am I not just soaking it all in, getting lost in the moment? Getting lost in the moment, that's the flow state. That is a part of your brain that you actually are living an embodiment of joy, fun, pleasure. That's where when you collect those moments of flow and you're filled up with that, you're satiated with that, you become a person who is happy. Content. Happy gets a little bit too much emphasis in our world, in America, especially. But it the collection of all those flow moments make you content with your life. People who are content with their own personal lives are very fucking magnetic. It's like they have this secret energy where they are at peace with themselves and they like living in their body and they like their choices and they're at peace with their mistakes, and they have grown, and they just vibrate at this level of beauty, beauty and attraction, and it gets them places, it gets them to their next iteration in their lives, and it will take you on a path that is most freaking delightful while the world is on fire. Okay. So if you are in a place where maybe you feel imbalanced, and where I got my certification at the Life Coach School, Brooke Castillo teaches this idea of like 50-50, like life is 50-50, it's 50% amazing, positive, beautiful, 50% pain, horrible, yuck, shitty. And if you feel like you are experiencing more negativity than positivity, and again, I've said this on another podcast too. No one can decide the percentage of that for you, the what creates balance and what creates peace in your life. But if you feel like you are actively feeling more negativity than positivity, I invite you to look at this fun intolerance, this pleasure intolerance. Go listen to that podcast because that is the thing that's going to fill you up and it's going to help you actually resist the negativity in this world. And by resist, I mean participate in the revolution that's happening right now. Resistance is active and it has to come from power. You have to have strength in order to resist. How are you going to have strength if you're burnt out, if you're drained? You won't have any power to resist. You'll be too tired from only focusing on what is horrible and crushing about the world. So we talked about the good, active living in gratitude, the magnetism of that. And we've talked about the bad, like embracing, okay, this is real. There are horrible things happening. And the fun also makes me look at the bad things, so to speak, that I've been avoiding, maybe. Or maybe it brings up your feeling of everybody's having fun and I'm not because I'm not this person, or I'm not the blonde. I don't know, whatever you're thinking. I'm not the blondest one, so I can't be having the most fun. Or I don't have the cutest shoes, so I can't be having fun. Like the fun brings up all these things, right? Or I miss my partner and I don't know how to hang out with the girls anymore. Like those are all things that I'm calling the ugly that are there for you on your path as obstacles for you to look at. The obstacles are the gifts. They're gonna show you where you have space to grow and places for you to fertilize with your own attention and love. How do you actually do that? You make space for being an oxymoron and a regular moron, too. Okay. An oxymoron is the contradictory two things that are opposite existing at the same time that are often kind of facetious. And allowing yourself that freedom to be both, like I was talking about, I'm totally a yogi, totally spiritual, and I'm also like a girl in Miami on a boat, having so much fun, definitely dancing to Bad Bunny, which I'll get to in another second. But holding both, giving yourself the freedom to be all of it multi-dimensional and not break yourself up into I'm this kind of person, therefore I act this kind of way, and I only wear this type of thing. And I see this too in the spiritual world. There are people who wear only like guru outfits, and it's like that's a costume. That's a costume that you're performing to wear to represent yourself as a spiritual person, and you only wear this type of yoga pant or these flowy pants, whatever. And it's just simply a costume. And when I see people like this, I have so much compassion because listen, I only know this because I did it, and when I learned From it, I was like, oh, that's why it was so hard for me to fully love myself, because I was in a place of transactionalism with the love that I was allowed to give myself. Of I can only love myself if my body looks like this, if I have a yoga body, if I wear the yoga outfits, if I have this kind of following. And it takes you into a place of needing to perform that position to gain the love and attention that you're seeking, rather than giving yourself all the love attention that you're seeking by allowing yourself first to be all of it. Be all of it. Every single part of you. And you know, in therapy, they call it like parts work, your inner child, um, the different parts of you when you were a mid-pre-teen, um, your mother's voice, your father's voice, your old best friend's voice is like in your head, right? This is like all parts work that when you invite them all in, you get to be this like kaleidoscope of colors and this unique expression of you that's different on every day, by the way. You can't be pinpointed as one thing because you're always evolving and embracing and healing and letting go of things that you love, things that you don't love anymore, and you get to let it all exist simultaneously. It's like surrendering to who you actually are on a certain day is your most magnetic energy because you're not controlling anything. You are simply expressing what is true for you, and what is true for you feels good. And when you feel good, you're gonna be able to express those things with love without the agenda of needing to get anything, to make anything happen, to effort or control or manipulate things into place. They come to you. It's like the ultimate letting go surrender is that's how you start to invite in all the things that are actually aligned for you, that don't come from society's teaching of what you should want. Instead, it comes from what you actually want. These are the opportunities that come to you that seem too good to be true, that seem like out of this world. They're actually better than what you can imagine for yourself. Because remember, your human brain is only pulling from pictures of what it thinks it should want. When what you're actually going to get is something that is never happened for you before, something that is waiting for you. The more aligned you are, the more acceptance, the more accepting you are, the more you heal, the more you love. And that's hard work. Loving all your flaws, loving all your attributes. That's how you arrive. That is your most magnetic state. Now it's time to talk about Bad Bunny. So I always know I knew who Bad Bunny was, and I had listened to some of his music, and yes, I'm late to the game. And after the Super Bowl, I got hyper-fixated on him, and I still am. His music, the symbolism in his performance, everything has been sticking in my brain, and I can't listen to any other music. It's not like I'll take a break and listen to something else, and then I'm like, just not hitting the same. And what has come of it for me? Because I've been thinking about this. I'm like, what is it about him? And then I'm like, of course, looking up the lyrics because I know some Spanish, I'm half Mexican, I know some Spanish, but I didn't know really until I like slowed down and like looked at the translation of his lyrics, fell even more deeply in love with him. And it's this energy of like calmness, sureness, fun, celebration, love, heartbreak, community, this warmth and security in masculine energy while also exploring feminine energy. And it's just such a beautiful mix that I can't. It's he has this song, baile inolvidable. And every time I see the word, I think baile involuntary, because I'm like, involuntary dancing is what happens when I hear his music. I'm listening and I'm trying not to dance, and then all of a sudden, I'm dancing, all of a sudden I'm bopping, I'm moving, my hips are moving, and I'm like, it's involuntary. I can't stop. And yes, that word means unforgettable. The unforgettable dance. Like, oh, how beautiful is that expression for somebody that you love that you can't forget? Oh my god. And so I just appreciate his music in a way that has opened something up in me and healed something in me that's like this kind of energy, number one, exists out there. Number two, it's available to me at any point in time. I just gotta remember that bad bunny exists, or turn on his music. And I get to like rest in this energy, this music that gets me in a place of joy and a regulated nervous system that, hey, I'm okay, things are gonna be okay. There are, there is beauty out there, there is fun out there, and it's not even about him, right? It's just showing me that this experience is something that I can tap into at any time because I because of the frequency of the energy, the literal currency of the sound waves gets me in a place where I can enjoy this frequency and tap into it myself. And obviously, Bad Bunny is a massive celebrity, icon artist, whatever. Yes, he's not in my world, right? But the way he makes eye contact, and because there's a wall of separation between us, like the internet and a screen, I'm able to practice this kind of energy and letting it in and being vulnerable to it and enjoying it and exploring it in a way that I hadn't known was possible before. I think this is like a collective experience as well, because I'm hearing other people say, Oh my God, I've been obsessing about him too. Oh my god, I like can't stop listening to his music and I blah blah blah. And I'm just so happy that he has hit this new level of virality because more people need this music, more people need this fun, this joy in a time again where things are very tumultuous. Came from a place, a background where there was not a lot of spontaneous dancing. Like I grew up in a very Catholic, reserved household, and I really get to go expand and like give my keep giving myself permission. Hey, be the oxymoron, be all of it, go try what feels true and keep listening to what is like a no for you and really be open to what you're open to. Because sometimes we are open to something and then we're afraid of it and we shut it down. And I've just continuously invited myself to let myself be open to what I'm open to and trusting myself and trusting my life and my experience and my journey and universe that hey, if you're being presented to this and it's feeling good and you feel an enlightenment to trust it. And if not, ask for support. Ask your community, ask your girlfriends, ask your therapist, ask your coach. Hey, I'm going through this and only to the trusted people that are not going to fun fumble you to process some things with you and ask those people will ask you those questions that will help you get to the bottom of if something feels like it's an integrity for you or not. That's what I have for you today on the good, the bad, and the bunny. I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you are also obsessed with the bunny, I would love to chat with you about it. I'm just having so much fun over here. And I hope you are too. And allowing yourself to increase your fun tolerance, your pleasure tolerance, and really be with yourself and use joy as your protest, as your resistance of no, I will not crumble. No, I will not take in too much of the negativity in the world. And I will choose to enjoy my life despite what's going on around me, because it is your life. These are your memories. This is your life. And how you choose to use your energy, what energy you allow into your life affects how you experience time. And we know time is the most valuable asset to us because we can't get it back. We can't create more of it. So do not treat your time as if it's disposable. Do not treat your energy as if it's disposable because it is not. So take control through the act of discernment, through the act of asking yourself, what do I want to experience right now? And letting yourself goddamn have it. Okay, now go have fun and don't let anybody fun fumble you. I'll talk to you on the next podcast. Thanks for listening. And if you've enjoyed today's episode, hit the plus sign at the top of this podcast to follow the show and share an episode with a friend. For a daily touch point, follow me on Instagram at coach.with.holly or TikTok at coach with Holly. For more resources and offers, visit coachwithholly.com. And if you want to get coached by me, book a consult so we could talk about working together. Use a link in my podcast description below. Talk soon.