Season 2 Episode 5 Weddings, Stress & Boundaries

Season 2 Episode 5 Weddings, Stress & Boundaries

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to Still Stella Living Life Sarcastically Sarcastically Hi y'all welcome to Still Stella Living Life Sarcastically This podcast comes with a trigger warning extreme sarcasm and mild emotional violence Today we are talking about weddings, stress and boundaries. It's been a very event filled week. Aren't weddings fun? You know, you get all dressed up and watch two people share their sacred bond with their closest family and friends. Then you enjoy a big party to celebrate them full of food, drinks, and dancing. It's always a good excuse to see cousin Fred you have been avoiding for years, because there are always a lot of fun at these events. Bless his heart. He is a dancin' fool. Once he gets a few drinks in him, emphasis on fool. Then there is the group always congregated near the door, silently judging our dance moves and chaos. I will say I cannot dance, but I do not care. I will dance the night away, making a fool out of myself just to have fun. Take that, Aunt Bertie. You wish you were having fun too. One thing nobody talks about with weddings is the amount of emotional whiplash involved. One moment you're crying because someone looks so beautiful walking down the aisle. Then the next minute Uncle Randy's arguing with a teenager about the proper way to grill hamburgers. Family events can be wild. You can spend six months avoiding certain relatives and then suddenly find yourself sharing wooden cake and a dance floor with them. It's like a family reunion mixed with a hostage negotiation. Everybody's smiling, everybody's hugging, everybody is judging somebody. It's beautiful. I swear weddings should come with color coded name tags. Green means happy to be here. Yellow means one minor inconvenience away from losing it. Red means don't make eye contact unless you brought bail money. Most of us Gen X folks are walking around with flashing yellow lights all the time. Proceed with caution. We're tired, we're stressed, our knees hurt, and somebody keeps asking us to download another app. My sister just got married and it was full of fun and memorable moments. Weddings are really always a good time to see the family and celebrate love. It was great spending time with family that you haven't seen in a minute either. From rehearsal dinner through the reception, there was lots of love and laughs to celebrate this beautiful union. There was great fun all the way around. And of course, lots of harassment and jokes. That's just how we all roll. Nothing like harassment amongst loved ones to get the party started. We all have thick skin and receipts working to one up each other each time. It makes for a fun time. Getting ready for this wedding was great fun. From glam to stuffin' ourselves into dresses using a shoehorn. Luckily I wasn't the only one they had to stand on to get the zipper up. But don't worry, ladies, I won't rat y'all out. We were playing music, laughing and snacking while the wonderful clam squad worked their magic. Clam was a great experience as well. Full makeup, full hair, the whole deal. This wonderful young lady came to the hotel room where we were getting ready and transformed all of us. She turned this old lady into a not so bad looking woman. Even if I felt refreshed and new, we all looked ready, a really badass and ready to go. My favorite part was the ceremony. The most important part of the day was watching them say their vows to each other. I love my brother in law too. He's been like a brother to me for many years. I'm thankful to see them so happy together. Trust me though, I still pick on him quite a bit. I just can't help myself. I threaten him regularly not to hurt my sister. But let's be honest, she can handle him all by herself. Once I saw her walking down the aisle, all teared up, I started bawling. She was absolutely stunning. I was so glad to be a part of her special day. She deserves it and much more. A limo took us from the ceremony to the reception. It was a great time to just breathe and take it all in. Lots of music, champagne, dancing in our seats, and heat. The air conditioner didn't quite get a chance to cool the whole back of the limo. It just happens that way sometimes. I found myself in the ice bucket dropping cubes down my dress. Don't judge me. It was hotter than four hells. Hm That didn't stop us though from having a great time. Singin', dancing, toastin' the happy couple, and changing into sneakers on the way to the reception. My sister really thought of everything. The reception was held in one of the coolest venues I've ever been to. There was food, fun and dancing. There were even cornhole boards set up for everyone. I was so thankful for those sneakers. They kept me from falling on my face several times. Don't get confused though. I still tripped over my dress more than once, because duh, I'm a total klutz. The sneakers just saved me from swan diving into the DJ booth. I am a professional klutz. It is basically an extreme sport. I've told y'all before I'm so talented I can trip over a flat piece of paper. That is true professionalism right there. And it also takes skill to trip over thin air. Yet somehow I do it all the time. We have a family tradition when we all get together for weddings. We play Friends in Low Places by Garth Brooks. It sums up how we all come together and celebrate our family dynamics. Even Aunt Bertie gets out there. This is one time we all gather on the dance floor together and sing loud and proud. It is a twisted, beautiful thing. Because who needs enemies when you have family? The next day those of us still standing decided to get together with the kids and play miniature golf. Then have a little dinner. Let me tell you, I had so much fun. I am terrible at miniature golf. Absolutely terrible. I picked up my ball so many times just to keep us moving. I'm not saying I'm awful, but there are toddlers out there with sponsorship opportunities compared to me. I swear I wanted to pull a happy Gilmore and start chanting just sink the put. Honestly, I'd probably be better smacking the ball from long distance. At least then I could take my aggression out on something besides hubby. Tutu spent the week with our fur babies. They are spoiled, rotten, and missing her now that we're home. Don't get me wrong, we spoil 'em too, but she spoils them even more and brings her handsome prints to play with them. They miss their buddy. Let me tell you, stress is a hard thing to shake. It pops up everywhere. Work, family, money, health, even recreation. We all have different tools to deal with stress. Some of 'em are healthy, some not so healthy. I know I'm not very good at it. I find myself living in survival mode. People say you need to reduce stress. Okay. How exactly am I supposed to do that? Do I unsubscribe to it from adulthood? Can I return my responsibilities for store credit? Because I'd like to speak to customer service. One thing I'm learning is to focus on what I can control and let go of what I can't. At least try. Take breaks, drink water, get some sleep. Go outside occasionally so the neighbors know you're still alive. The funny thing is weddings are supposed to be stressful for the bride. Instead, I looked around and realized everybody is stressed. The bride's worried about timelines, the groom is worried about forgetting the rings. The parents are worried about everything. The guests are worried about comfortable shoes. And me? I was worried somebody would capture my dance moves on video and accidentally create evidence. Stress is sneaky. It doesn't always show up looking dramatic. Sometimes it looks like waking up at three in the morning, wondering if you answered an email from twenty nineteen. Sometimes it looks like standing in the grocery store, forgetting why you walked into the aisle. Sometimes it looks like eating shredded cheese directly from the bag while staring into the refrigerator like it personally offended you. Not that I've ever done that. Twice today. Nothing compares to the stress of planning a wedding. My sister handled it with confidence and grace. She was organized, calm, prepared. I wish I was more like her. I probably would have been pacing and drinking. Everything was planned so well. No drama, no disasters, just a beautiful day full of love and fun. We are identified as the most stressed generation, the sandwich generation, which unfortunately is not even about sandwiches, and frankly, that feels like false advertisement. We are juggling aging parents and adult children, trying to make sure everyone else is okay, navigating ageism at work, worrying about retirement, wondering if Social Security will still exist. Wondering if we'll ever stop working. It's like Lucy in that damn football. Every time Charlie Brown thinks he's finally gonna kick it, she yanks it away. Peepas call people call us the sandwich generation because we're stuck in the middle. Helping parents, helping kids, helping coworkers, helping neighbors, helping random strangers who somehow got our phone number. Everybody needs something. And somehow we're expected to keep it together while navigating menopause, rising costs, retirement planning, and mysterious body aches. I don't even trust my own body anymore. My knee hurts because I slept wrong. My back hurts because I existed. Every doctor's appointment feels like wheel of fortune. Let's spin the wheel and see what body part we're discussing today. Congratulations, you've won inflammation. Our generation's go to phrase has always been we'll figure it out. We've been doing it our whole lives. We were given house keys at eight years old and told how to use the microwave. Reminded not to let strangers in, and sent on our way. We developed the hypervigilance of a mare cat standing guard in the desert. Probably why we're all so stressed out, dreaming about retirement, hoping it will finally be peaceful. Let's be realistic though. We'll find something else to worry about. Are we getting enough fiber? Should I call the doctor? When is nap time? How many pieces of cheese is too many? And how many mojitos are too many? You know? The important questions. I'm still trying to decide who I want to be when I grow up. That is if I ever grow up. These days, my biggest career goal is retirement. Just enjoying life one day at a time. We also have to remember to set boundaries. I admire people who do this well. I still struggle with it. Growing up, a lot of us were taught that being a good person meant always saying yes. Need help moving? Yes. Need a ride? Yes. Need me to volunteer for something I don't have time for? Apparently, yes again. Then one day you wake up exhausted and realize you've been setting yourself on fire to keep everyone else warm. That's when you discover the magic word No. No is a complete sentence. No doesn't require a PowerPoint presentation. No doesn't need supportin' documentation. No is not rude. No is self preservation. If saying no makes somebody angry, chances are they were benefiting from your lack of boundaries in the first place. We shouldn't have to do things we don't want to do at this age. We are tired. We are busy. We have earned the right to protect our peace. Y'all, we have to decide to be ourselves and stop worrying so much about what everyone else thinks. This is our time. We're not too old to shine. Write the book Start that podcast. Take the trip. Try the hobby. Learn the thing. Take up space. Don't let anyone dim your shine. So that's my lesson from this wedding weekend. Celebrate with the people you love. Dance even if you look ridiculous. Wear the sneakers. Take the pictures. Cry at the ceremony. Laugh at the reception. Play friends in low places with your whole chest. Because life moves fast, the kids grow up, the parents get older, the dogs steal another piece of your heart, and one day you'll realize these loud, chaotic moments were the good old days. We do not have time for fake energy. Protect your peace, drink your water, stretch before dancing. Block your weird cousin if necessary. Call your people. And if you find yourself digging ice out of a champagne bucket and stuffing it down your dress in a limousine, just know you're doing wedding season exactly right. Marry your lobster, drink the rum, and hug the friends who don't secretly root against you. Thank y'all for listening. If you enjoyed today's chaos, follow or subscribe so you don't miss next week's episode. And share it with all your friends, enemies too. Let me harass them for y'all. Thank you for listening to Still Stella Living Life Sarcastically.