Teenage kicks

In this episode we discuss the taboo subject of our childrens sexuality. Prove lives, private parts and private time! WARNING this episode contains conversations of a sexual nature 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi Needs. Hello, Sarah. Oh, it's a how are you? I've good. I haven't had a good week. Have you had a good week? I don't know. I've just I'm in a better mood.

SPEAKER_02 0:11

Um Oh, but if there's a full moon yesterday, that must have been what it was. Whereas Sortia, completely affected by the full moon, turned into a bloody nightmare again. I swear it's the moon now.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

It's not the moon, it's her whole night.

SPEAKER_02 0:24

Even her mentor today, her buddy that she has at her hub said to me, She really scared me. This woman is like nearly six foot tall, it's like an Amazonian scared girl. She scared me. I said, Where did she scare you? She goes, at Tesco's because she wanted a meal deal, but she didn't want the right drink, and I was trying to swap it. And in the end, the poor one had to go to customer services to switch the drink just because she didn't want Sorja to lose it. Four foot and six foot. She's gone. It's like she's turned into she's going through a teenager's things, even though she's 25. So I think they uh go through it later. Yeah, exactly. That's what I mean.

SPEAKER_00 1:06

Because when Oliver was 13, he wasn't going through the teenage.

SPEAKER_02 1:09

So I wonder if that whole teenage like adolescent thing comes in later and the moods and everything. Some of it come earlier, some of it come later. She's definitely like a sort of petulant teenager right now, stroppy, doesn't want to do this, doesn't, and lets me know. So I thought today it'd be fun if we talked about the things that we have to do for our kids that you would normally not have to do for teenagers, and we're gonna call it. Going above and beyond. Above and beyond, under an armed.

SPEAKER_00 1:39

Some of this may be a bit explicit.

SPEAKER_02 1:40

Yes, we're gonna call it teenage kicks, and it will probably be so we'll warn you, we'll have a little the warning is now.

SPEAKER_00 1:51

There are gonna be some subjects that some people might not want to listen to.

SPEAKER_02 1:55

What's the worst thing that you have to do now for Oliver?

SPEAKER_00 1:59

It's not so much the worst thing, it's just right. So Oliver went through a at the moment it's not it's not so bad. I think I've just got you to do it. But it's um he went through a stage. I'm trying to think how long ago it was, and it lasted for quite a while of getting his willy out quite a lot. Yeah. So he'd try and undo his pad. Um and it's Was this always at home or no, it all could be anywhere.

SPEAKER_03 2:31

Anywhere?

SPEAKER_00 2:31

Yes, and obviously he was older. Yeah. So I think it was around about 15, 16. Um, but it would be like he'd be he'd be putting his hand down there and playing around, and then he'd try and flick. I'd look down and it would just be looking over the top of his trousers, and it's like, no, put that away. And there you are in the carboury. Or he'd be yeah, and it would be in the carbourie. And it's like, oh my god, it's looking at me winking away. Yeah. So what what did you what did you do? Well, it's trying not to make a but Oliver hasn't got the understanding for me to say, I know with other special needs kids, if you've got if they've got some sort of understanding of what's acceptable or not acceptable, you can say, no, this is for home, yeah, or this is for your bedroom, yeah, and that not outside. Yeah. So I did sometimes I've got like if he'd be sitting in the living room and he keeps putting his hand down his down his pad, yeah, I'd say, no, go in your bedroom. But he he's got no understanding of what's right and wrong. It's no there's no explaining that to him. So what I ended up doing was buying um you know, like when they're babies and you have the n the vests with poppers underneath. Oh right, okay. Well yeah. Marks and Spencer's do a an adapted range. So they do large ones.

SPEAKER_02 3:56

What do you mean adapted?

SPEAKER_00 3:57

Like for older people? No, adapted, yeah, for like so like baby grows, because Oliver obviously wears uh For who? For older children with special needs. Oh really? Marks and Spencer does. Marks and Spencer's do an adapted adapted range. Right, I think Asda have started doing some. You know, people that are peg fed and they've got the hole in it so that they can or um if people got sensory issues, they've got like no seams in the socks and stuff, or um there's another uh company called Fledgins that do like the uh swim pants. Okay. Um and they do the uh I've got I think I've got Oliver's um So this is this has all been designed for these kinds of reasons. Like uh I've got so I I ended up getting him, I used to put a pair of like cycling shorts on over the top of his nappy. Yeah. And then I'd put a vest on, but with the poppers, over the top of that, so he couldn't get his hand in. Jeez, that's like a fault nox. Oh it was. It was like but the only thing is if he went through, it was like you had to completely change him. Like an onion. And then like in the summer, if he's like around the house, it was like this thing called like a unitard, but it was like Dave said he looked like a strong man. Because it was like the vest, but like um like cycling shorts, or they used in the winter the winter ones they've got like longer arms and longer legs, it's like an all-in-one thing, but you have to take the whole thing off to change him.

SPEAKER_02 5:21

Oh my god, so when you said this was only like a a period of time, has he stopped doing it? He has stopped doing it.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

I noticed I don't know if it was sort of like about only recently, six months ago. Yeah, um, I I'd forgot to put his vest on. It was at the end of the winter last not this winter just gone, the winter before, at the end of the winter, um, where it was hot so hot, I thought it's it's putting a vest on him and shorts, and then putting shorts and t-shirt over the top. It was just it was he was getting really hot. So I thought, oh I'll just leave it off while he's indoors, and then he stopped he he didn't seem to be doing it as much. I mean, he he does have a fiddle now and again and he'll pull it. I do remember um when he was going to the hospice and he used to go and stay there, yeah, and you every three months you have to do a new care plan. So you go through everything that Oliver likes, don't like, what food he likes, um just everything about him so that they've got a care plan for when he goes and stays. And I remember that I get into this question that she'd never asked me before. I think it was when he was about 14. Yeah, and she went, um, do you want Oliver to have private time?

SPEAKER_02 6:30

And when, well did you not know what private time?

SPEAKER_00 6:39

I knew what private time I know you didn't know. Oh, right, because you've got a little girl. For anyone that doesn't know, it's masturbating. Private time for little boys or big boys. Right. So what they were saying was, do you want does Oliver want a specific time to have what like 20 past three on a Tuesday? He wakes up three on a Tuesday, and I was like And don't be late, I was horrified because I know it's a normal part of a youngster growing up. Yeah, one the fault of my son doing that was like but also Oliver is with his autism and his learning difficulties, he's obsessive. So if he likes turning a fan on and off, he will turn the fan on and off all day. If he likes turning a light on and off, so if he's got allowed to do that and turn himself on and off, he will want to do it all day. Oh god. So do you think yes, what he found something that he likes that gives him a nice little feeling, and he's not gonna want to do it 24 hours a day. Enough already, so I didn't want my son to become a little manker. So I said, no, no, please no, because he doesn't know what that's for.

SPEAKER_01 8:01

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:02

Um if he was more cognitively able to understand. If he was understand like you say, what would you do?

SPEAKER_02 8:12

Then it would be something parameters of it. Oh, this isn't good, you must do it here. This is bad outside.

SPEAKER_00 8:19

And he wasn't getting the like erections as it were. I mean he did get them, yeah. But it was only when he was fiddling about with it, and I don't think he It's like most blokes then. Yeah. I do sometimes when I like if you take his pad off and it's like my god. I remember get I remember my other son, Jake, coming down to visit, and he hadn't said I hope you're not gonna say anything now about Jake and his own private.

SPEAKER_02 8:48

No, because it's just the poor boy.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

No, no, no, no. We'll have to edit that. No, I remember Jake coming down to visit, and obviously, he hasn't seen Oliver with no clothes on for m years. And I was getting Oliver changed to get him in the shower, yeah, and um Jake's come in the room because I needed him to help someone to help walk, because at that time I used to walk into the shower, and he's Oliver I stood Oliver up, and Jake looked down and went, Fucking hell, mum, that ain't fair.

SPEAKER_02 9:21

With Sortia, she has really got big boobs.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

Her sister also says it's not fair, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:29

It's not fair. Why she got them?

SPEAKER_02 9:32

But like you say, that whole thing of teaching them. I mean, luckily she got taught quite a lot of stuff at school with regards to periods. Right, okay. So I so they cover that at school. They covered that at school. I can't remember what it's called, physical and sex educational. Right, that's but like you say, it's down to luck as well, their mental ability to take on board this instruction or this guidance. But the whole thing about her having periods and knowing what to do with pads and everything, they covered really, really well at the school. And now to this day, I don't have to worry a thing about it. She'll come and tell me. She'll be does she do it all herself? All of it. She'll come and tell me the period like worries me, and I'll make sure she's got paracetam and everything because she does have really heavy periods, but she absolutely manages it all herself. She's just accepted this is what comes. And she did say to me a few months back, it's like a lady. I said it is. Oh, I said we have to put up with all of this once a month, you know. Um, but she's really, really good at it. She gets very uncomfortable, like everybody, but she's absolutely brilliant, and that's because it was covered at school. So I haven't had to do that much. I mean, there are you know, I have to clean her up sometimes and things like that, but uh that's alright. But the other day I did something for her after us talking a little bit about letting them grow up and everything, yeah. So with her bras, because she's not able to do the bras up at the back, she's just can't manage to do that, she wouldn't be able to do it physically. So, what does she wear? She always wears sports bras. Right. So she likes to choose the sports bras. Over the head, so like crop top bras, but as she's getting bigger and to go into like women's sizes now, even though she's only four foot. But the other day I took her shopping and I took her into Vicky Secrets. I just wanted her to buy something for her that she could choose because her sister's done it, a lot of teenage girls do it. They go into Vicky Secrets and they buy their first nice bra in there. And I thought, I want her to do that. I want her to go in. Well, she avoided the leopard skin, avoided the diamonds, avoided the pinks, went straight to a black one with a white bottom that I could have got anywhere, but that's what she's and she brought it up to the till. The girl was really lovely with her, you know. She handed it. Was it a proper bra, or was it it's a like a crop top, right?

SPEAKER_00 11:55

It just goes on over the head because you can get bras that do up at the front.

SPEAKER_02 11:58

She wouldn't be able to manage it. So it was one that just goes over the head, but the girl, the staff were really lovely. I mean, the girl was so lovely with her, and so she paid for it, and she put it in the little bag, and she put the tissue paper on it and gave it a little spray of perfume, and she handed it over. And I thought, that's the first time I've seen her do something really girly, like a teenage girl going in and buying a few. I love her bra. And it was wanting thongs next. Oh, well, you say that's because I said to her, we have to get some pants because she goes through pants like whatever. I said we have to go and get some pants. And she was kind of going, but I thought, no, leave the Brazilians alone, leave the thongs. We want to go next in summers. That was only across the way. Well, luckily I went in there. You wait out here for me and I'll come by some batteries. She was saying about uh I knew one woman who had a uh teenage son who always took his trousers off. He was autistic and he had this thing where he would undress. So the top would come off, the trousers would come off, the pants would come, and he would run around. And he was so fast, so fast that she couldn't catch him. She, you know, she so it was actually my mum who suggested to her, she said, Why don't you put his belt on the wrong way round? Then he can't undo his belt because he needed a belt on his trousers. So she started doing that. He couldn't get his trousers off. It worked wonders, it was brilliant. Oh wow, just having his belt on back to front meant he's got to be a big thing.

SPEAKER_00 13:23

Well, a lot of those all in one things that you you can buy off of some of these sides. Leotards.

SPEAKER_02 13:28

The Leotards or like the baby, like the baby growth.

SPEAKER_00 13:31

Like onesies, but they've got the zip at the back.

SPEAKER_02 13:33

You've got one on now.

SPEAKER_00 13:35

Yeah. No one can get in there. No one's been in there for years. Jastard him, Mark III. But he's he's now got the ones I'll get from Marks's are like onesies, but they've got the prestuds that go all the way all the way down. The only thing is there's so many of them. As he's getting bigger, it's like we sit there, and there's like me and the carer, and we sit there and we have race who can get to the top first. Yeah. The press studs.

SPEAKER_02 14:04

See, I think it's much worse with with boys. I don't know if I how I'd cope. We all don't know how we'd cope if if we had someone else's lot, but I do not know how you guys all cope with boys. What I mean at what point did it sort of seem really I mean, the first time he was in the bath and he had an erection or something, what you know, what did you think? What was going through your head?

SPEAKER_00 14:26

Well, I don't uh I don't know if I can remember. How long remember when he first started getting a few hairs? You know, when they start first to get in a few hairs on his chest or his pubic nose? No, I'll know, he's bald as anything on his chest. He's got quite a lot of hair under his arms. And obviously I said last week that I've given him a little shave.

SPEAKER_03 14:44

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:45

So um he's getting hair under people used to go to me, oh we might have to have a shave soon. No he's not. No he's not! No, baby, he's not having a shave. But now I've done it. But um the thought of him, he'd look like do you remember that do you remember that cartoon with the baby with the and he used to have the cigar laying in the it was like a little old man and he was in a no uh in a prank. You dreamed it. No, I didn't. It was it was one of these old cartoons and he looked it was like a little baby, but it was a man. He'd look like with a little beard.

SPEAKER_02 15:18

You have a little beard, he'd look odd. So how I mean it must be strange adapting in your head to seeing your son, your children. I think you'd do it over to a man.

SPEAKER_00 15:27

Yeah, I think he it's it because it's over time. Yeah. So you just get on with it. It's like, oh, he's got hairs. You just accept now that he's almost like a fully fledged man. I remember when he was sort of like six or seven, and I thought, I didn't think I'd still be changing nappies at six or seven. You expect to do it for the first couple of years and then that's it. Yeah, um, and then six or seven I'm still doing it. 20 years later, like 19 years later, I'm still doing it.

SPEAKER_02 15:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:53

It's just one of those things that you just go, well, this is what I've got to do now. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:58

But he's never going to um want to sort of he he's not going to be attracted to the opposite sex or have any interest or do I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 16:07

Do you think he's got a flutter for somebody? I don't know. Right, so um I remember when he was when he was quite a bit younger, um, he used to do this, hmm, mmm, he used to do, and I remember that sounds like a teenage boy. Yeah, but it was he was only young at the time, he could only been about six or seven, and he used to go swimming at school. Yeah. And one of the older TAs took him swimming. Yeah. And she had the towel round her, and she'd got him out of the swimming pool, and I don't know if the curtain cut or he pulled the curtain back and her towel was falling off, and he went, she went, I have your boy for two or three years.

SPEAKER_02 16:48

Do you think he wouldn't have known to do that because he'd heard someone else do it?

SPEAKER_00 16:53

No, I don't think I think it was a thing he used to do, but he was I do remember, oh my god, you've just brought it back to me. He used to sit there with the remote control, yeah. Yeah, so my telly is facing my front room window, yeah, so it's on the wall opposite. Yeah. So the neighbours across the road can see it. Yeah. But we didn't used to have blind, we used to have the blinds up and then we've got curtains, so we'd have the blinds up in the day. And um Oliver used to sit there flicking through the channels because he used to think it was funny to flick through the channels. So he used to sit there laughing his head off, flicking through the channels. When you get to the end lot of channels, yeah, it's the adult channels. Right on a like a normal TV, you know, like the Freeview TV. But you get to the end of the channels, and you've got like um MILFs and MILFs. Channel for MILFs, yeah. Um XXX or whatever, and it's not it's not the actual channel, it's like the advert for the channel. So it'd be a girl in a Brahra knickers advertising the channel, yeah. And he'd flick through and he'd get to that bit, and he'd go and like oh it's got David go turn it off.

SPEAKER_01 18:04

He'd don't want the neighbours to think I'm sitting here watching porn.

SPEAKER_02 18:09

Would you ever give him a porn film to watch? No. When he's older? No. Why? Look at you, you're not all shy. That's my little baby. No. Because isn't that a sort of um I don't know, and that's this is what I mean by not having boys. A teenage boy would watch a porn film.

SPEAKER_00 18:31

I wouldn't give my other son a porn film to watch. I think you'd let him discover it himself. But Oliver can't. No, but I wouldn't, no.

SPEAKER_02 18:38

Because you it's almost there's like a blurred line. I don't think they encourage something that he doesn't know what to do with it. Right, so there's that, but also there is something about their innocence. You kind of want to preserve it. Yeah, and he is innocent. Exactly, yeah. It's just I d I know some people that have done that. Oh really? Let their sons watch porn palms just to get it out of their system for one.

SPEAKER_00 19:02

Yeah, I know, but as I said with Oliver, Oliver don't get things. Or books, Oliver don't get things out of his system, does he? He would just keep going and on and on and on, and that'll probably be an obsession that never ended.

SPEAKER_02 19:12

Because I often wondered why Sortia never showed any. Did she throw any invisible whatsoever? Or girls, whatsoever. She doesn't even like girls, she doesn't like anybody. But um she had her first little crush, I think, on Troy Bolton, who's the lead in um high school musical. She used to have a little thing, she goes, Troy, I like this Troy. Amazing!

SPEAKER_00 19:42

She's trying to make sense of it in her head as well, wouldn't she?

SPEAKER_02 19:44

Yeah, he's nice, he's a nice boy, but that that was it. She never never went anywhere. But she's got that kid is completely asexual. I don't know, she's not interested in anything. But when I see other girls her age with dance, even at the drama club or in other groups that she's in, the girls are often talking about their boyfriends. They're almost rampant, some of them. Oh, I got engaged, or oh, I've got another boyfriend, and they they go up and they kiss up to some of the boys. Even in the drama club, I've seen that they sort of get a very friendly boy. She is totally disinterested in any of it. So yeah, any group you can see that they get. But I remember when she was in a group years ago, and there were some girls who were about the same age as her, and they all wanted to have boyfriends. And I thought, God, what's wrong with Sorcery? She's just not interested in it at all. But um, there you go, that's that's the way it is.

SPEAKER_00 20:35

What other sort of like teenage traits have you noticed in her stroppiness?

SPEAKER_02 20:42

Yeah, absolutely. That's why I was saying about is she going through her teenage rebellious phase now because she's argumentative, she is she's moody. I mean, that goes with the periods anyway, but she's really stroppy about her clothes, really fussy. Has she changed it recently? Yes, she's got much, much she's turned into this demon that we keep talking about. She's not that bad, but she is quite scary. Yeah, she is, and she's getting worse. But she was bad this week, and I swear to god, it was the full moon. Well, she started going hairy at night and howling, but she's um definitely a teenager in that she doesn't want to do anything, doesn't want to sit with me, wants you know, and I'm just letting her. I'm thinking, right, you know what, I'll have to accept that it's not just about the physical aspects of puberty and adolescence, it's about in her mind. She wants to rebel. Why should she not uh be like that when I was like that and her sister was like that? We were both rebellious teenager, absolutely. So you forget because our kids have got special needs and learning difficulties, they've also got personality traits that must have come down from the world.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

Oliver's become more like he wants something and that's it. And I think as he's got bigger and Stronger, he knows he like whereas he would what's the word? Um he would like give in, yeah, and like you say, no, no, no, you can't, yeah, and then he'd give in. Yeah. Now he's like, well, actually, I'm quite strong and I can push my way through past you now. Does he know he knows he's strong? I think he does, because he never used to resist so much. But now he's flexing his muscles.

SPEAKER_02 22:26

Yeah, a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

Wait till you hear those poppers going on that bloody gripping him up just you see, I mean, he's really on his left side, he's really weak, so his arm is quite a lot skinnier than the other arm and the leg. It's um he doesn't move the right arm at the left arm, but the right side is so strong. And you see him when he's got no shirt on and he leans forward to pick something up. The muscles ripple. He's like he's he's tight, he's small and he's lean, but his muscles are really like they ripple in his arms and across his back. You can see how strong he is. Yeah, he's got a good throw on him and all.

SPEAKER_02 23:04

It must be very, very difficult for them as well. They're changing, their body is changing, their moods are changing. They don't know why the world is now suddenly changing in their lives. It must be a very frightening experience, and I think for boys as well, you know, the whole thing of having erections and what to do with it and sensory feelings around it, it must be very strange. And you can understand why. It's such a basic thing to give yourself something that makes you feel happy. Eating makes me feel happy, you know, drinking makes me feel happy, but that whole boy business makes me feel happy. You can understand, but it's hard. It must be really hard as a mother, you know, having to adapt to this because like you were saying, well it cut it got to a point before it doesn't work it doesn't work. You're you're changing his nappy, but he could potentially you know be having an erection or something, and that's bizarre. It doesn't, it doesn't gel.

SPEAKER_00 24:01

It it got to a point where his until I discovered the poppers on the on the it was like I didn't want to I didn't want to go anywhere with him because I didn't know where he was gonna do it. It would be like no get your and all I remember saying was for a couple of years it was get your hand out, get your hand out, like pulling his hand out. Um and it was like it could because he's getting bigger, yeah. It's like when they're little, no one takes any notice. And we've said this before, no one takes any notice when they're little, but when they're whacking people and whacking their willies out when they're 15, it's a whole different ballgame. It is.

SPEAKER_02 24:35

I mean, there's been times when I've said to Sorge, I've been watching and she's like scratching, thinking, is she scratching or is she doing something else? And I'll just say to her, get your hand out, what are you doing? Stop that, and she'll go, huh?

unknown 24:46

Huh?

SPEAKER_02 24:48

And I think, what is she doing? But I think it's the whole issue, like she'll say to me, Neve hairy bits. Her sister says, You need to shave her. No girl goes around like that with a bush like the Amazon. She goes back and shaver! That's what she that's what she should, that's what she's complaining about. That's why she's itching, and I think, yeah, I'm I'm making this more adult than it needs to be. If this is just her scratching, and I need to shave her, give her a little what do they call it?

SPEAKER_00 25:16

Landing a Brazilian little trim-up, she made a pajazel.

SPEAKER_02 25:21

Oh god. Take her down.

SPEAKER_00 25:24

She date that she don't like Diamond.

SPEAKER_02 25:27

No, she doesn't, obviously not.

SPEAKER_00 25:29

But it's it is um I've noticed Oliver like you know, when they get to that teenage stage, and then you can't for years and years and years they'd be up at five in the morning, getting you up at five, and all of a sudden, overnight, you they can't they don't get up no more. Oh it's dragging them out of dragging them out of bed. Yeah, and I remember it with Jake when he was a teenager, like trying to get him out of bed for school. When he was little, he was up at like five in the morning, six in the morning. And I've noticed with Oliver over the past few years, he don't want to get out of bed either. And I was like putting it down to the medication, and I was putting it down to his heart and the him having a lot of seizures and all them things have an impact on him. But I've noticed over weekend he don't want to get out of bed. He can't be asked, he just he gets up, he has a bit of breakfast, and he does it on holidays where he gets up, he has a bit of breakfast. He'll be awake early and he has a bit uh gets up and has a bit of breakfast. And then he's as he finishes his breakfast, he's like that points back to his bedroom. Really? You want to go back to bed? He goes back to bed before he goes back to sleep, then he'll wake up.

SPEAKER_02 26:43

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 26:43

Well he does, he plays his iPad in bed. Oh, he's a perfect teenager playing his iPad in bed, and I remember when we were on holiday, it was like he didn't get up to I'd give him his medicine and his breakfast and he'd gone back to sleep, and he won't get up till 12 or 1 o'clock. And I went, is he not well?

SPEAKER_02 27:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:00

Is he homesick or is he just being a teenager?

SPEAKER_02 27:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:03

Because I think you it's hard to know. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 27:07

But do you know what we haven't prepared ourselves for for this? We we're not preparing because we're spending so much time dealing with all of their other things, all their other issues, and you know, the appointments there, their well-being. And sometimes it's just a clearly obvious.

SPEAKER_00 27:24

This is a teenager having a stop because we we don't No, it's not that, it's got to be this, and it's gotta be that.

SPEAKER_02 27:30

No, we don't even give them that credit f for wanting to be a doctor. They're just being a bastard. Right, he she doesn't want this, she wants Dr. Pepper.

SPEAKER_00 27:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:38

Well, you can't have Dr. Pepper, you've got to have milk like you normally do. No, I want Dr. Pepper, and I'll really make a fuss about this if you don't let me have the Dr. Pepper. I think. Oh my god, why shouldn't she have Dr. Pepper? She she's a teenager, she is a teenager to all intents and purposes, and she's just flexing her muscles. I think the other problem with her is because she's so small, it's really easy to forget that she's gonna be able to do it.

SPEAKER_00 28:00

Yeah, when she's with other teenagers, they're towering over her. Yeah, well, Oliver's Oliver Oliver's. I mean, even though he's nearly as big as me now, he's sitting in that chair and he's got such a baby face, he looks a lot younger than it's gonna be weird as he gets I think more so for boys than girls.

SPEAKER_02 28:16

As they get older, they do get, you know, like the beards and the you know, they just grow the muscles, they do turn out.

SPEAKER_00 28:22

Well, I've noticed I've noticed he hasn't got much he has grown a bit, got taller, a little bit taller, but I've noticed like his shoulders filling out. Yeah. Because he's still tiny, he's really skinny, he's quite underweight for his for his size. But I've noticed him sort of filling out in the shoulder. I've noticed like his trousers, like it his tops and stuff. He's the hulk. He fit like his shoulders are quite wide. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:48

And I thought, well, he's getting better, he is getting better.

SPEAKER_00 28:50

But you still have to lift him, don't you?

SPEAKER_02 28:53

Yeah. Up and down. So you've got this.

SPEAKER_00 28:55

Yeah, and when he's resisting, it's it's a man resisting me. It's like well, I was pushing him in his well. I went over to my mum's at the weekend, and um, we went down to the seaside, and um I was pushing him along and I was trying to push him up a hill, and my brothers took over to push him up the hill. And he went, see, I can do it. And I went, what you've got to remember is Oliver's I weigh 57 kilos. Oliver weighs 45 kilos with his wheelchair. I'm pushing my own body weight up a hill. Of course you are. With the added with his bag and his wheelchair and everything else, I'm pushing my own body weight up a hill, and that's why it's so hard. Would you not get an electric wheelchair? Did think I I have looked into it. It's quite expensive.

SPEAKER_02 29:38

You don't get his version, not his version of the electric wheelchair.

SPEAKER_00 29:41

A Ford Cortina, he's got to staff with no, I wouldn't get Oliver an electric wheelchair that he can really sell. There's no way.

SPEAKER_02 29:50

I think if I could be funny getting sort of one of those little scooters.

SPEAKER_00 29:54

I've got one at home if you want to. What have they got? A belly dawn bike. A belly scooter bike. Dave got one for Oliver. We got one, I think someone was selling one on email for me. Dave wouldn't have got it and got a new uh battery for me. Because we were gonna take him over the fields opposite my house and let him go round on his own so that he could just press the it literally took it.

SPEAKER_02 30:16

You're saying we were going to what?

SPEAKER_00 30:18

Because we sat him on it, took him over there. We pressed the button to show him that if you press the button, it goes, and I thought he'd really like it. Yeah, he just sat in the middle of the field and looked at me as if to say, Someone's gonna push me. And then he just sat there and then he just pointed to home. He didn't want to be able to see it.

SPEAKER_02 30:34

I was terrified of putting her in one of those because she'd go, she'd absolutely full throttle and off she'd go.

SPEAKER_00 30:40

Bring her around, she can go on this.

SPEAKER_02 30:43

I would love, but she'd kill people on the way. She'd go that fast. But she would absolutely love it. But anyway, it'd be another excuse for her to not walk anywhere because that's another thing. Um walk anywhere. I don't want to go out, I don't want to stay in and watch the telly all the time. She's right stroppy, but oh, the thought of her in a in a mobility scar.

SPEAKER_00 31:01

Oh, I think it would be hilarious.

SPEAKER_02 31:03

Yeah, for a while until she's running over. She'd be going for them deliberately. All the people that she doesn't like she'd be going for them.

SPEAKER_00 31:11

No, there is like a thing and you can get like an electric motor that to put on Oliver's actual wheelchair. So it just gives you, you know, like you get the electric bikes. Why would we not get that then? Because I'm not sure if it fits on the wheelchair that he's actually got. Oh no. They're about 900 quid, I think.

SPEAKER_02 31:28

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 31:29

Yeah. But um, I did I have looked into it, and every time we go on holiday and I'm pushing him up an hill, yeah, I think I need to get one of them. I will look into that because as you say, he's not he hasn't stopped growing yet. No. No, and he's gonna get heavier, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:43

How old how old will he be when he stops growing then?

SPEAKER_00 31:47

Twenty-four, twenty-five? It's around about twenty-one, twenty-two, isn't it? Oh I don't know. See, again with our kids, I don't know. I don't know. I don't think he's gonna get much taller.

SPEAKER_02 31:57

I don't think he's gonna get much taller. Two and a half. She's growing outwards now. That's the other thing.

SPEAKER_00 32:05

You know what did you what was she like when she first started getting boobs? Did she notice? Yes, she thought it was hilarious.

SPEAKER_02 32:13

Oh really? She laughed, she'd go, Look, boobies! Oh really? I'm getting them what I'm seeing on the telly, what my mum's got. I think the other thing is because she had a sister that was so close in age, she was watching her sister all the time as well. Right. So it was kind of I'm copying her. Even now she's copying it. Like the whole thing of shaving under her arms and everything, it's because her sister does it, she wants to be the same as her sister, and that's her her role model, if for want of a better expression, don't she? Even though she's younger, she's like her big sister, yeah. Her sister does. But the whole thing of um when she got boobs, she was like very really proud of them. She's like, Oh boobies! So, right, okay, we need to put a little you know bra top on you and all of it. So we started to do all of that, but I think for a lot of that physical change, she was at school and it was it was handled really, really well. Oh, really at the school. Yeah, uh, are we allowed to say the school? If you want to.

SPEAKER_00 33:08

Are we allowed to say whatever you want?

SPEAKER_02 33:10

Acorn.

SPEAKER_00 33:11

This is our podcast, we can say what we like, apart from things that you say that I cut out after.

SPEAKER_02 33:17

Which is okay, Broadmoor. She was at school. Um they handled it really well, the whole puberty thing. But again, Sorcerer is a little bit more able mentally to digest and take on board what is right, what is wrong, yeah, the appropriate behaviour, what she was doing. There is a way of doing it, isn't it? It's like it's just a whole sexual thing.

SPEAKER_00 33:41

We went to see that comedian um a little while ago, Josephine Lacey, and she was talking about her son, yes, um, the autism mumma thing. Yeah, and um she was saying about well, the whole thing was about how she taught her son to masturbate, yes, and it was it was hilarious. She's got balloons from Amazon, yeah. But there is there's a whole thing of social story, and if they're able to understand this stuff, there is ways of doing it. Yeah, because she her son was able to understand, he was able to teach. Anyone on the outside looking in thinking, oh my god, you've got all that.

SPEAKER_02 34:15

Of course. But I mean, remember when you were talking about having to change Oliver and you had to change him outside in the car? Yeah, he is like a grown man. Yeah, that'd be like, Oh, officer!

SPEAKER_00 34:29

That car. I mean, I'm lucky that Oliver still looks really young and then you've got the wheelchair outside, so but it it for some people that's not the case. You could have got you could have got you could I could have got arrested, I suppose. Oh, it's it's it's it's a it's indecent exposure, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 34:46

Yeah, absolutely. You do that all the time, he's only flu and his mother. Yeah, yeah, it's it's a habit. But it's hard to work out. I mean, how do you teach yourself? How do you learn?

SPEAKER_00 35:01

Well, you don't, you learn as it goes along, and then you speak to other parents. Of course, other parents, other parents. I've always been my I mean a lot of my friends who've children have got special needs are that bit older. Yeah, yeah. So I I they're my go-to. Have you done this? Have you done this? Even when it comes down to benefits and um just think like oh getting a blue badge, but you the only way you learn is from other special need parents, and what they're expecting and forums and Facebook groups and like other people sharing their their stuff.

SPEAKER_02 35:37

Absolutely uh essential on the on this topic, absolutely essential, and even sharing.

SPEAKER_00 35:42

I spoke to a lady the other day um who I haven't seen for ages and ages, and she moved away, she used to live in this area, and she moved away with her daughter, and um I bumped into her at the respite place. She'd moved back down this way, and she was taking her daughter to the respite place where Oliver goes, and I was telling her about a harness because she was so her daughter kept undoing the seatbelt, and I was telling her about the harness that I've got for Oliver in the car so that she can sit in the back. And I said, um and she said, I don't see it. She I haven't got no mum's I haven't got no mum friends with special needs kids, so I've got no one to ask. Yeah, so there's no she's got no no support.

SPEAKER_02 36:22

It's absolutely and only another mum with special kids with special needs would understand and understand this this whole thing that we're talking about because without sharing, without informing, especially experiences, I'm still getting over the shock of private time.

SPEAKER_00 36:38

Oh when you heard about because you've got a we've we've all got boys and you've got the girl. I'm the only one in the group with a girl, and when I'd never heard this word, the word private time came up, and you was absolutely wonderful.

SPEAKER_02 36:50

I was shocked. It took me, I'm not exaggerating, days. Bloody days. I could not sort of everybody was so blase. They said, I said, Well, we're so and so, we can't start a bowling, and they went, Oh, I don't know, maybe he's having private time. And I sort of laughed, thinking like they were joking that he was probably having a fag he's doing his time, but he wasn't having private time in bowling, we'll gotta get that across. No, not bowling, he said he was late for the bowling. Oh right, he was late for the bowling. Yes, yes, my induction into this world was in a bowling alley. In Butlins, I think. I can't remember where it was, butlings or somewhere anyway. And they said, Oh no, he's probably having private time. And I said, Oh, what do you mean having a fag or something?

SPEAKER_00 37:38

And they knew that would get income.

SPEAKER_02 37:40

They said, no, they said, you know, he's having a what? And one of them went, wank. No, the horror was as well that this innocent boy was like performing like this in the toilet somewhere. And I said, What are you talking about? Of course, this went rippled round. The whole group thought this was hilarious, went on for ages. I know the more you looked shocked, the more they're gonna be because I've never ever heard of this. I'd never it never occurred to me, because I had a daughter, it never occurred to me. It's like a secret handshake. Oh, don't talk! No, no, um, I think we should go now. We should leave it there, we should leave it there. So um, until next week, darling. Enjoy your wash poppers and your overgrown wondes and enjoy the week, and we'll see each other next week. See you later. Bye.