Who Cares? With Niamh and Sara Podcast
Two friends discuss the highs and lows of life as mothers to severely disabled children with dark humour, a unique insight and brutal honesty
Who Cares? With Niamh and Sara Podcast
Happy birthday
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In this episode we talk about birthdays. The difference between how we used to celebrate and how our youngsters have celebrated over the years.
Good morning, Nave.
SPEAKER_00It's very early in the morning so. It's not early in the morning, Neve, it's up past ten. It's absolutely insanely ridiculously early here in this studio being baked by sunshine as we sit here. I've just about got out of my pyjamas. I don't know why you have to be up early, running all over the place. Because you're doing running again, aren't you?
SPEAKER_01Well, it's it's it's holding out. It's holding out so far. Well that's good.
SPEAKER_00That's a good sign. How's the week been?
SPEAKER_01Um yeah, okay. Alright, no disasters. No disasters, no. We had a little thinking Oliver wasn't that well yesterday, but he he perked up, so he's okay.
SPEAKER_00Oh, that's great news. So we've got a birthday coming up this weekend. Oh, so she's yes. I can't believe she's 26. I can't believe she's 26 years old. She's actually saying, I said to her yesterday.
SPEAKER_01She's in her late twenties.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah, if she did something really outrageous, like ran down the street naked with a Tupperware box, it would say a woman in her mid-twenties. It's not a little girl, but she is really changing now. I've noticed that she's really changing into a young woman. She's not a little girl at all, the what she likes and what she doesn't like. But uh yesterday I said to her in the car, how old are you going to be? Normally she kind of just looks at me. She'll say nine. Eleven. I said to her, how old is she? She goes, 20. Uh six. She held up six fingers. I went. Oh wow, you're gonna be 26. I thought I'd better snap that out of her. I don't want to tell him people that when I'm getting her in somewhere as a child. Yeah, don't blow the gaff, don't tell everybody. She's under 16. She's really only nine years old, so um I was thinking it would be fun today to talk about birthdays and how we celebrate our kids' uh birthdays because sometimes I think I don't know, when you're a mother of a kid with special needs, you almost go out the extra bit just to achieve some sort of normality.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, same as Christmas, isn't it? Yeah, trying to make it special. But but see, Oliver's not he's got no idea it's his birthday. And his birthday's on top of Christmas as well. Of course, yeah. So he's got no idea it's his birthday. Um but when he was younger, I used to scour the shops looking for stuff that would like sensory toys and stuff that I think he would like. Oh, we'll really like this, or we really like that, and then we'd have loads and loads of presents and have a big deal, and he takes no notice whatsoever. It's for me to make it normal more than anything, to make it that that he's interested. He wouldn't care.
SPEAKER_00That's exactly what I mean. We feel the need to make this a a day that's normal like everybody else. And make it special for them. Yeah, absolutely, and just there is always that element as well, I think, for all of us. You're harking back to this is the child that was born on this day, and this is when everything sort of unfolded and happened, and then ever as each year goes by, they're achieving more, they're doing more. I'll get really emotional one day on Oliver's birthday. Because I don't know, it's not it's not tainted, but there's just a no, I'll get it.
SPEAKER_01I do I'll get emotional leading up to his birthday. Like another year, yeah, another year older. Um yeah, I can get I can get quite emotional and I look back at photos of stuff when it when he was little. Yeah. I mean I know you do that with your other children, but it's I just it's it's a a big achievement. There is, there's something, and each year, as each year goes by, they are changing, they're adapting, they're growing up, and they're heading towards we don't we don't know what I couldn't I can't I could when I look when it comes up to his birthday and I look back and I think I can't I in them early days I couldn't ever imagine being here. Yeah, yeah. So what does he do? What do you do for all of his birthday now? The past few years, I mean last year we wasn't, but the past few years into a rave. No, we're normally away, aren't we? We normally we normally because his birthday is so near to Christmas and we go away at Christmas, we're normally away for his birthday. We're normally in Lanzarote for his birthday. So we're not normally here. We normally do some I normally do something we're usually on holiday. We always go away that time of year, and one of the reasons was because Oliver takes no notice of his birthday and he takes no notice of Christmas. So if we're away, so it's not I didn't feel the pressure of making it such a big deal. We'll do we'll go out and do something like we all meet up with the others, with our other friends, and we'll go out for Saints Week before his birthday, because Oliver don't know what day it's on anyway, yeah. Um and we'll go out and uh we'll go like we'll go Nando's or we'll go Carvery or whatever just to celebrate before we go away. But um most years for the past six or seven years, we've been away on his birthday.
SPEAKER_00So he had a lovely birthday last time when we all met at Nando's and he had these frogs and that wasn't that oh yes, but that was a lovely birthday. You were losing it now.
SPEAKER_01No, because we went to Nando's the year before as well. See, he likes Nando's because he had mi uh eagle pickle turned up.
SPEAKER_00Oh my god. How old was he? Not 18 for his 18th birthday. He got Eagle Pickle. That was quite a grumpy Eagle Pigle, I have to say. It is a bit moany and a bit grumpy, and it's like right a sod off eagle pickle.
SPEAKER_01I didn't even realise it was for Oliver. I just went, oh look, Eagle Pickle's just walking.
SPEAKER_00He just walked in.
SPEAKER_01Like he does a bit of chicken. That's like this trip. No, you made you made him cake this year, didn't you, with a frog on the top because he loves his frog, and it was exactly like his frog that he has got at home, and it was sitting on top of the cake, and the recognition in his face when he looked at it, and he just looked because he normally he would take no notice, yeah, and he looked at it, and then he just kept sticking his finger on it and touching it and laughing.
SPEAKER_00That was quite emotional, actually. Yeah, it was to see him enjoying it, yeah, and wanting to touch it was lovely. But it is nice that we have this little group now that we know we can celebrate their birthdays, because once they're not at school anymore, it's hard because at school, of course, the school will know it's their birthday and the teachers will make a fuss and whatever. But once they've left, they can go into sort of the wasteland a bit with regards to their birthdays, and it's just us celebrating. If you don't have a big family nearby, then it's not going to be a big big deal. But for her this year, because it's her birthday this weekend, she's the most excited about going to Nando's with her friends, yeah. Because I said to her, we bought a cake, we bought one of those big um are you allowed to say Colin the Caterpillar? Colin the Caterpillar. Sarah the centipede. Get more legs on the bag. Oh yeah! And lots of chocolate legs at the bottom. So she wanted she picked one of those yesterday, so I thought she was going to take it into the hub that she goes to. So I said, Okay, shall we bring this into the hub for your birthday? Then everybody can have a piece of cake. No. And I said, Don't you want to bring it in and have a celebration? No. And it's like really she was really dismissive. I dismissed it. Yeah, because my birthday.
SPEAKER_01She probably sees it as Nando's is her birthday.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and nothing else is absolutely that's the that's the the peak of the birthday celebrations, even though it's a few days after. So she wants to go to the zoo for her actual birthday. So I said, Shall we keep the cake then? The long cake? She said, For us. So I said, All right, we'll have half each. She went, Yeah. We'll be running around the face. Oh, she'll grab the face. I'll get the case.
SPEAKER_01She said to me the other day, she asked for a what was it, a lightsaber for a bath? Yeah, she's getting a lightsaber for a birthday. Her sister's got a lightsaber. Oh god. And I said to her, I'm looking at everybody. Oh, I asked her, What do you want for your birthday? Don't let her bring it to drama club, she'll be hitting everyone. She can use the fight. She can do it using the fight saber. With a dark laser.
SPEAKER_00She's got a lightsaber coming, that's what she wanted for her birthday. I asked her what she wanted, she said Star Wars DVD. So that's the road we're going along now. Oh, we've gone into Star Wars. Bye-bye, Disney. Hello Star Wars. You are no more. Hello, Star Wars. It's when she starts dressing up as Princess Layla or whatever, and they lay out with the old things on her. Her hair's long enough. Yeah, she do the two wheelie blats on the side. But no, um, Sunday we'll go to the zoo, but as far as she's concerned, the height of the celebrations will be Nando's. She goes, and Nando's. And I said, Shall we shall we bring a cake? Because at Drama Club, we uh encourage the kids to bring cakes, don't we, for their birthday? So it means they get their moment as well. And we also say happy birthday, and they have the cake, and they love all of that. So I asked her, Are you gonna bring a cake to drama? She went yes. So she's gonna have three cakes, but the best one will be Nando, as far as it's concerned. And I just think that's so lovely that this little group has settled in. And it's important, it's important for them, but it's important for us. Yeah, sitting around the table sharing our kids' birthdays, it's lovely. So, what's Oliver's best birthday, do you think?
SPEAKER_01I don't well, we um was it last year? I'm trying to think last year. Last year we organised um because we were away, not not last year, just gone the year before when he was 18. So I thought, oh, is it is the 18th? I've got to do something special. So Dave's daughter was out, uh both of his daughters were in the at the villa with their kids. Um there was me and Dave and Oliver. We've got friends that live out there, yeah. We've got other lady that used to help look after Oliver with her daughter, so we invited them all round, and I said, Well, we'll just put pizzas in, we'd get some stuff to go in the pole, you know, like inflatables and stuff. Yeah, got bubble machine, we'll have a pool party. Um, the kids can all go in the pole. Yeah, Oliver won't get out of bed. He didn't want to get out of bed. He what birthday was this? He's 18th. Typical 18-year-old. Yeah, well, because the party started at one, Oliver got up at three, played with the bubble machine a bit, didn't want to go in the pole, and then wanted to go back to bed.
SPEAKER_02That's hilarious.
SPEAKER_01So, but a couple of times we've gone out, like we'll go out for a meal, we'll go to a restaurant that we know Oliver likes, because there's a Chinese restaurant, yeah, um, which he really likes. Um, and then there's a tapas restaurant that he really likes. So most years we'll go out for a meal for his birthday. Has he ever had a party? Well no, he had a party, right? So when he was one like with all you know the parties people have at school. No, he's never had one. I have when he was one, I decided to have a party for him just because it had been such an emotional roller coaster of a year. Yeah, and we'd just moved into this new house. We've moved from our flat into our house, um, and I decided to have a party because it was coming up to Christmas. Yeah. Invited all my friends with their kids, and um I mean Oliver was one year old, he didn't have a clue what was going on. He didn't care, but it was a big massive. I had a big massive, I had a pinata in the garden, it was in December. Um we had Father Christmas. No, we had Father, someone dressed up as Father Christmas and come and give presents out to the kids. Have you got loads of photos from that? I think somewhere, yeah. But I remember my friend's daughter, I mean, she's grown up now, she's in her 20s, and she was only little, and um she thought it was the real Father Christmas that's but no, I got a present from the real Father Christmas. Um but I remember getting really overwhelmed at the party. I ended up in next door neighbour's house crying. Yeah, it was just I was just overwhelmed with all the people the whole year and it just taking its toll. Yeah. Um but I think that was the only year that I've done him a party. Yeah. Um, just because he's not interested. He doesn't he's not he's not interested, he doesn't like I mean, even when the grandchildren come around my house, he goes and hides in the bedroom. But how have a barbecue he goes and hides in the bedroom?
SPEAKER_00Because it's too much, he's not interested. But how many people have given birthday parties for their kids, especially when they're at school and they you go through this whole thing with parents find out to all the other parents? We're gonna have them, we're gonna have a bloody market.
SPEAKER_01I remember when I remember when I was a kid, it was like a really big thing to go to McDonald's for your birthday. It was so exciting. And then you got to flip a burger behind the um behind the counter. Really? Yeah, that was that was but you and you picked a friend to do it with you.
SPEAKER_00There was a big craze for pizza parties at one point. Yeah. You'd go and they'd make the pizza in front of you, and you all the kids could go and throw the dough at the ceiling and all of that sort of thing. But I do remember as she was getting older, you know, all of the party because she was at mainstream and that was the kind of age when they were. Oh, there was a party every week, absolutely. And the worst thing you could do is not be invited.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00But she she was invited to a lot, but I think that's a good thing. Yeah, but Sonia likes a party though, don't she? She does if there's music and everything, but I didn't take her to that many because you know, going to parties the worst thing that could be, especially when she was in junior school. When she was about sort of seven, eight, she'd just want to go wandering around. She wasn't interested in sitting with the others, you know, she's not communicating with them or anything. She'd want to have a go a wander up the stairs. I spent the whole party not being able to sit and chat, but actually following her. Has she gone upstairs, has she gone has she found something? The thing she used to get up to fill she filled somebody's wellies up with water one time, just because she could. It was just oh there'd be antics going on. So yeah, got to the point where I stopped accepting invitations because I knew I was gonna have to sort of wrangle her and get her.
SPEAKER_01But her you go back to the Yeah, because when they're when they're sort of like that age, you normally go and drop them off at the end. Absolutely, and then you've got a couple of hours to yourself.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but I knew I couldn't, yeah. I knew I would have to stay, and that became part of the deal. Well, if there's a party then I'm gonna have to stay and watch her, so it was easier to just not go. But she didn't care, she didn't know about it. But I do remember for her first birthday, you talked about Oliver's first birthday, I was so excited because there is something about that for the body. You would have been pregnant then you actually, actually, I'd already given birth I need to sprack my water out. The second one had already arrived for her birthday. So we had the two children for her birthday. In fact, every year since then, um, in eight there's a time in b in April where they're they're both the same age, even though they're not for three, three and a half, nearly four weeks. So I always take a photograph. So down the years I've always taken a photograph where they're the same with them. Aged three, aged four, aged five, and it's really funny just watching them grow up. So I said this year, 25, let's knock this on the head. I'm not taking any more pictures. Oh why? I'm sick of looking at them. And I took a picture, neither of them wanted to pose or anything, so I ended up taking a picture of them at the dinner table. But that's it, they're they're 25, they're grown up now, and uh that's the way it is. But I do remember for her first birthday, my sister made a fantastic cake. It was like um a kind of a tree, a tree trunk, and it had all these woodland creatures, and they were all made out of cake.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And it was hedgehogs and caterpillars, and it was absolutely beautiful. It's like really beautiful fairy tale magic thing. And Saucia got hold of the hedgehog, which had chocolate buttons in it for the spines, and it just went every it was over her mouth, her nose, her hair. She absolutely loved just shoving this thing in, and it was just such an adorable picture when I look back at that photograph. But of course, I had a baby in my arms as well. Yeah, well, Saution never got to have a birthday on her own. And sometimes I think, oh, but now she's getting them because her sister's you just reminded me when we took we took Oliver to a birthday party.
SPEAKER_01Um, and our our our friends were there. It was another girl that used to come to drama club, and we got invited to this birthday party, and one of my friends, who should relate n remain nameless, kept saying to Oliver, Write it down! It was Dina! It was Dina. Oh her. Kept saying to Oliver, we're gonna have cake, we're gonna have cake, chocolate cake. And on the like when you when you're in the kit in the ladies' kitchen, it was like um an island, and it had all the food on it, and it had a great big massive chocolate cake in the middle, and I think there was another fruit cream cake as well. And he kept and he all he was interested in is in the other room they had a fan, and he kept turning the fan on and off. And Dina kept saying to him, Oh Oliver, we're gonna have cake in a minute, we're gonna have cake. So we all come in to sing happy birthday to the girl, the birthday girl. We all come in, and Oliver's sort of he was just his head would just reach over the top of the island, yeah, and he was looking, and we all sang happy birthday, and all of a sudden, this arm came over and he just put his hand straight in the middle of the cake, pulled out a lump of chocolate cake. Dina was cracking.
SPEAKER_00That's it. You wanted the cake in the case. He encouraged him to do that. Of course, she I can't imagine that. But he now he gets a cake every year. Yeah, yeah, cake is always part of the cake.
SPEAKER_01Cake is always part of the birthday. Happy birthday is always part of the birthday, singing with the cake, yeah. Normally a meal out, yeah, yeah. Um we're normally if we're gonna be away, it'll be a meal out before we go away with his friends.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, and then I'll take all his birthday cards and stuff away with me. He has presents, but he won't open them. I have to open them for him, he just throws them across. And he's not interested.
SPEAKER_00And part of it, like you said earlier, is it's how we're coming to this. What do we want from this birthday? And you sort of think you do have to get the presents, you do have to get the cards. But I mean Sorja's quite happy with just a couple of things that she's asked for. She doesn't care about having loads and loads of presents.
SPEAKER_01So that's one of the reasons why we went away. Because he likes being in the pool, he likes going to the beach, yeah, he likes throwing stones in the sea. Why can't he do that for his birthday instead of having a party that he doesn't want? It's it's it's it's 'cause your birthday is it's just a celebration of the day you were born. So we're celebrating doing something that that person wants to do if that's what he wants to do, then I've I've relaxed over it over the years. Yeah, they have to do it.
SPEAKER_00But there is no doubt it is emotional. Like you say, it's us, it's it's as they're getting older we do relax more about it. We don't need to make a fuss, we don't need to prove anything, we don't need to say this is a huge achievement. We just go with the flow and we realise viva la différence, this is how they want to do it, this is how we celebrate it. But there's no doubt that for us emotionally as parents, as mothers, it's a big deal. Their birthdays are a big deal. It's a reminder of so many things that are not normal. That are not normal.
SPEAKER_01I can feel myself getting a little bit anxious and a little bit down the c the few days before his birthday. Yeah. Because I remember because I remember what that all that expectation when I was pregnant of what was gonna be, what was gonna be and then it not being that. Yeah. All that, all that stuff after when he was born. It's like uh at that time the week before, it was like oh my baby baby's coming, I've got I've got the cot ready, I've got all the stuff ready, everything's ready for him, and all that expectation of what uh um dreams of what your child's gonna be when they when they could finally turn up. And then the day he was born, it was two days later, yeah, it everything went out the window. It was n none of that was ever gonna be, and it was just it's just a reminder of it.
SPEAKER_00It does, it takes you back to a bad moment, there's no doubt about it. And I remember all the hurt, and like you you feel cheated. I know that's a weird thing to say, but you think all that expectation and getting things ready, and then this child arrives and you think, hang on, this isn't what I put in for, this isn't and that each year as it goes on, it is it's an endorsement of how different it all is. What were your birthdays like?
SPEAKER_01I think when I was little, there was I I remember I've I've got photos of birthday parties. I remember little birth like birthday teas when you all sit round the table and jelly and ice cream. Birthday teas, birthday teas.
SPEAKER_00So lovely, that's that's not the fashion it is. I remember I remember jelly.
SPEAKER_01I have a I had a friend that lived over the road and our birthdays were near to each other, so sometimes we'd have b our birthdays together. Um what did you do for your birthdays then? Well, it would just be a little party, friends round, balloons, games.
SPEAKER_00Wasn't that a big deal though?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it would be like, was it um musical musical past the parcel, musical bumps, all they do that stuff? Do they still do that? I don't know. We still play musical statues in drama club, don't we?
SPEAKER_00Musical chairs. Oh, that is hilarious. If you want to see a fight, if you want to see a ruck, a temper tantrum that's immeasurable. I'm not having musical statues.
SPEAKER_01You're not they'll just carry on dancing.
SPEAKER_00They carry on dancing. We have to then remember which one is out, and then some of them will even have the vapours and storm across the floor and sit on it and sulk and whatever. It's absolutely hilarious because you know, you know in advance what that one's gonna kick off.
SPEAKER_01That one's gonna one won't even so she won't sit down, won't she? She won't sit, she won't be out. Joe, if I pretend I haven't heard you tell me that I'm out, I'm gonna carry on. When her deafness kicks in.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I didn't hear you. You can hear the music, but she can't hear call her name. No, no. So yeah, it's a bit of a difficult one, musical stages, because we have to try and remember which one.
SPEAKER_01See, when I was when I was Oliver's age, I was out on my birthday. So I wasn't interested in a birthday with my family anyway. What at 18?
SPEAKER_00Can't remember getting totally and utterly pissed for my 16th.
unknownOff my face.
SPEAKER_00You do you at those birthdays, but then that you grow from the bottom.
SPEAKER_01I actually can't remember most of my birthdays. Teenagers. I do remember my 50th birthday. That's like a teenage birthday. Yeah. Um because we'd planned for years. I I said I wanted because Dave went to for Dave's 50th, we went to Mexico. Oh, excuse me. Yeah, he wanted to go to Mexico for like his daughters as well. We all went for his 50th. Um, so I said, Well, I'm I'm a few years younger than Dave, so I said, Well, for my 50th, I really wanted to go to Thailand it somewhere. I always wanted to go. It was in Covid, weren't we? I went to Bath. Bath is lovely. We had a beautiful hotel. Dave really like went to town in trying to make it special. But it wasn't Thailand, was it? No. No, I mean you booked me a sound bath and a nice lovely restaurant, and it was really nice. It wasn't Thailand.
SPEAKER_00Have you and you've not been to Thailand since?
SPEAKER_01No, and I just don't think that there's going to be the opportunity because there's the opportunity of going away for two weeks. Yeah. Um well you have to cut out and go for a week. You can't go to Thailand for a week, it takes a day to get there. Oh what a shame. Yeah, um maybe in the future. Maybe. Maybe for my 60s.
SPEAKER_00Sorcerer's 21st, which I thought would be a big deal. We'd have a big fuss, was during Covid. Oh, was it? Yeah. So all they did was put a big card in her class and sent her a card, so we just had a celebration here at home. But I'd always thought the 21st was gonna be a big deal. But she didn't care. She didn't care about it.
SPEAKER_01No, I didn't think because Oliver's 20 this year, so I was thinking on his 21st, would I have a party for him? He started to enjoy parties a little bit more. Um because it w so uh Roman, my n uh grandson, had a birthday party for his fifth birthday in the summer last year, and I said, I'll bring Oliver because it was a weekend when Oliver was with me. I said, I'll bring Oliver, but we don't know how long we're gonna be able to stay. There's gonna be 30 screaming five-year-olds and a bouncy castle. I don't know how long Oliver's gonna stay, but we'll come just to show our face. If he wants to go, I'll go. The old bouncy. He was laughing, watching all the kids on the bouncy castle, and then he was collect because they had loads of balloons everywhere, and he was getting the balloon and hiding it under his leg, and everyone had to go, where's the balloon? even though we could see it. And he pulls it out like as if it's like as if you can't see it. Um and then everyone every time someone came past, he was doing the same thing to them, so they're all playing the game. But he just oh went, we stayed there for the full two hours. We were there for the whole party. He was in the right mood. Yeah, you said and when we went to the Christmas party this year at the uh club Christmas party, he enjoyed that. He's ramming people with his wheelchair, but he did enjoy it.
SPEAKER_00What what fun is that? Imagine being around. He's gonna bring his walker this year. He's gonna go for it. They'll clear a path, it'd be like the parting of the red seas as he marches through on his walker. What was your 21st like?
SPEAKER_01I didn't do anything special for my 21st, I don't think. I think I was out raving. I was in my raving years. How old are you? I was out raving because I was with yeah. Raving? Raving, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Oh my god. To a rave. I had a party on my 21st. It was the only like party I ever had where I had it in a hall and loads of people came. It was really good fun. We all had a great time. I do remember doing the conga. Oh my god, no. To um I am really going to show my age now. Kid Creole and the coconut. Oh, Annie! And I was at the front and I had one of these like in the coconuts. No, I didn't have coconuts on, but I had like a kind of uh like a booby-tubi dress. It was a big fled black dress, and it had a booby-tubi top. And I remember the boy behind me were going, I've no and he suddenly pulled out my top. Did you have a bra?
SPEAKER_01No! Oh my boobies were flying! See, I bet you wish you had coconuts then, didn't you? Oh my god, I was so pulled up.
SPEAKER_00Of course, luckily in those days we didn't have mobile phones. Yeah, no evidence.
SPEAKER_01So it's been hidden. Everything I got up to in my teens, there's no evidence of. Yeah, see, that's the difference. There's a few odd photos. I've got I've got photos of my 21st when I was 21, because I remember the outfit I was wearing. But um what were you wearing? I had a like a like a beige-y coloured like trouser suit. Beige! Not beige, like brownie and cream trouser suit. Really? Yeah. Was it all trendy though? Yeah, it was trendy, little trouser suit, short hair. Oh you always had short hair when I was younger. How did we go? Because that was the year before I I was it was only a year later I had Jake. Oh right, so okay. Yep, yep. Oh, I had a party for my 25th. I remember that.
SPEAKER_02Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_01At my mother at my ex-mother-in-law's house. Right. We had a that was chaos. Well, it was just chaos, we just took over the house. It was just people turning up and then I was 25. Oh, great. And it was just absolute chaos. It was like a raving.
SPEAKER_00God, parties used to be great fun. Well, I'm I suppose they are now, you just don't hear of m many people having them. But I remember when I was growing up, if somebody was having a party, especially for their 18th, 16th, 18th, and 21st. Oh my god, the houses would be rammed with people and oh, just great fun. Absolutely taking over houses or drunk and singing and I don't know. I think we were a bit freer in those days in a strange way. I don't know why.
SPEAKER_01There's just there was just a kind of There's not so much expectation, was there? It was just like everybody turn up, we have a you and you have a good time, a party.
SPEAKER_00Now it's gotta be on you've got to have this decoration, this cake, this and we didn't, although you always wanted to dress up to look nice and put on your mad gear, there wasn't as much expectation of how you looked, I don't think.
SPEAKER_01Oh I had to have red lip bright red lipstick.
SPEAKER_00But that's all now. Skip tight, they spend five days getting ready for it. I know, I know that could include I've got to go for the a tanning, I've got to go for nails, eyelashes, um, hair teeth, makeup.
SPEAKER_01You think, what the bloody hell? You're only going to somebody's birthday party. Oh, for the amount of time that I'm out now when I'm going to a party, I'm normally only there for a cut back to hours. Yeah. It's just like um I can hang my clothes back up. I'm out that short amount of time. Yeah, I'm and I don't want to keep my high heels on for very long.
SPEAKER_00And yeah, getting home. Can I take me can I take me flip-flops in my car? Flip-flops is a new thing that I see everybody has baskets of flip-flops parties, we're ditings, yeah. This is a big thing.
SPEAKER_01Which is a great idea.
SPEAKER_00Why wear the bloody shoes in the first place though? Because they look nice.
SPEAKER_01But they're ten feet high and you can't walk in them. No, I've got one, I wore a pair of heels at Christmas. We went to a one of those work things, and I wore a pair of heels for the first time in it. I can't remember if I don't normally go unless I can wear trainers. If it's if the trainers are not part of the um if not part of the dress.
SPEAKER_00But you can get some lovely trainers, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, with little glitter bits on them and all sorts of. No, if I can't if I can't wear trainers, but I did well, I wore a dress and I wore a pair of shoes, and all I did was complain all night that my feet were killing me. I couldn't wait to get them off. Why do we do this to ourselves?
SPEAKER_00What's the highest heels you've ever worn then?
SPEAKER_01I wasn't really a high I walked better in high heels when I was drunk, and I don't drink any heels, can't walk.
SPEAKER_00Just flip-flops now, isn't it? Flip-flops. Sandals. What do you call them? What are the things you put your feet in? They don't call them flip-flops. There's a funny name for them. What crocs? No, no. Blokes wear them. Oh, sliders. That's it. Sliders. Stupid name. Why they call it sliders? You wear Oh, that's a look, innit? A bloke with sliders and socks and shorts. Oh, set your knees a trip, didn't it? So they don't have to wear flip-flops. But I've seen I mean I remember going to a wedding once with somebody, and the heels they must have been about six inches high. And it was hilarious. They were gorgeous looking shoes, but she was laughing as well because she couldn't walk in them. She had to hold on to our arms.
SPEAKER_01So you normally find you normally find at a wedding. Well that's why they have the basket of flip-flops. You normally find at a wedding people will wear the shoes to the church to the to the meal, and then when they're then all of a sudden you see a load of women in bare feet dancing. So I'll because they've taken off.
SPEAKER_00Crack my pelvis on the way in for the meal, but then I'll I'll have flip. Do you think in the future people will look back and go, weren't those heels ridiculous?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Do you? They look nice they do look nice. They look nice when you're standing there in a dress. Yeah. But I don't and I know a lot of girls a lot of the younger girls don't wear heels anymore.
SPEAKER_00Oh they wear sort of flatter, yeah. More comfortable shoes. It's insane, though. Some of those heels are absolutely insane. I don't get it. I've tried to get sausage sometimes to walk. I'd love to see her in. Oh, can you imagine having a pair of high heels? No, I can't. I actually can't even.
SPEAKER_01Did you used to wear your mum's like high heels and walk around the house in it when you were a kid? No. Oh I did. She didn't really have high heels. I used to do that and put two oranges down my top. It looked like I had boobs. Flip around the house in my mum's high heels. Who was this last week? Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I don't need to do that now. But the whole thing of how we have to dress up and get ready for things makes me laugh. And I've said to Saul, did you want to dress up for your birthday? No. No. No, I still want to put my crusty the clown t-shirt on. My jeans. And that's what I'm gonna wear.
SPEAKER_01Oh no, I like her new her new leggings that she's got. The shark one, she loves them, didn't I? Absolutely. I went up to see her earlier and I said to her, You've got I went, Oh, you've got them on. She went, Yeah, sharks, sharks.
SPEAKER_00And she's got a shark uh top, not the top, like a little uh sweatshirt thing, and it's got a shark on it, and it says hangry. Oh, that's sharing it, absolutely, and she she m wears the whole thing, so she's got a whole shark ensemble going on. Right, but she's saying she's got her own. You should get rid of the head of the house, and a lightsaber. It's gonna be hilarious. She's gonna have a lovely birthday. They always do it. What day is her birthday? So it's Monday. Oh, Sunday. Actually, Sunday, bank holiday weekend. So it will be it will be great, uh you know, I'll make it nice. She's happy as well because she's got me to herself at the moment because her sister's gone back. So she's like, yeah, I love you, Move. She's being all really nice to me. She's just making sure she gets that lightsaber. Yeah, it arrived yesterday. So we know it's it's coming, yeah. And I've got her. Does it make the noise? I don't know. I didn't want to open it last night and start running around my bedroom going, woo past four. Yeah, with nothing on but a smile and a lightsaber. Oh joy. So we'll have a nice celebration, and um next time we are gonna have a guest, aren't we? Yes, and next time we're gonna have a guest. And we'll be here about one of the guests. Yes, she'll be at the birthday celebration at Nando's on Tuesday. Um so it'll be great fun. And Oliver's coming. So yes, he is, he likes a Nando's. I love seeing those kids around the table for their birthday. And we always bring a cake, don't we? Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And we always order ice cream.
SPEAKER_00Ice cream and birthday cake. What more could you possibly want? And they are so happy together. I I it's amazing how they've got their little friendship group. They don't speak to each other, but they absolutely love being together. But it's nice for us as well. Yeah. You know, getting through that birthday another year.
SPEAKER_01Well it's nice having people at the table that that understand. So if one of them kicks off or doesn't no one bets an eyelid, it's not like everybody else on all the other tables do, but just our table.
SPEAKER_00But I think also that unspoken thing of we all get how emotional this is. Yeah. We don't even have to talk about it. We know what each birthday for each of our kids means to us and to the family and to the dynamics and everything.
SPEAKER_01Well, we even do it on our birthdays. Do you? Oh, yeah, we just don't invite you.
SPEAKER_00Thank you. On that note, I'm gonna go and sulk.
SPEAKER_01She's gonna go and dance out of bedroom with a little bit.
SPEAKER_00Okay, that's what they're calling it now.
SPEAKER_01See ya next week. Bye.
SPEAKER_00Bye.