Episode 9: When Honesty Gets Labeled Negative.

After breaking down the Seven Deadly Sins of Public Safety Wellness, the feedback came in—loud, quiet, supportive, and critical.

Some said, “Finally someone said it.”

Others said it was negative.

So this episode isn’t a recap.

It’s a reflection.

A conversation about why honesty in public safety culture is often labeled as negativity, why so much of the support stays private, and what that says about the culture itself.

We also take a hard look at something uncomfortable—the culture mirror—and how some of the same dynamics we criticize inside the profession are starting to show up in the wellness space built to support it.

This isn’t about tearing anything down.

It’s about being honest enough to make it better.

There’s a lot of noise out there. A lot of solutions. But what’s missing? Connection. Credibility. Consistency.  If you’re still here—leading, learning, showing up for your people—you’re not alone. Let’s reset. Together.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Responder Reset Podcast, created by Lighthouse Health and Wellness. I'm your host, Rich Kramer. This podcast exists because the job didn't come with the reset button. We're here to talk about what the uniform takes from us, what it means to take it back. Real stories, real conversations, no filter. Let's get into it. What is up, everybody? We are back with the Responder Reset Podcast. I'm your host, Rich Creamer, and we're going to get right into it with episode nine. When honesty gets labeled negativity. Most were supportive. Some were uncomfortable at times. Some were very defensive. And lastly, many were quietly in agreement. So today's not about revisiting every sin again. Today's about the reaction. Today's about basically covering why that reaction is so important. Because the reaction tells us a lot about what's going on within the culture. So after the series started, I used to, I was getting a lot of a lot of feedback as to, man, you're you're saying the things that that we wish we could say. But we're kind of, you know, we're we're stuck. We're we're we're stifled in in what we can say. Um and that line just kept coming up and coming up and coming up. You know, people have seen these problems for years. Uh, they have felt them and watched them play out within their agencies and within their careers. And I think that what we're seeing is we're seeing a lot of people leaving the profession early. Uh, we're seeing a lot of people not staying in the profession that just get in the profession because they're looking for a more supportive culture. I I think that um especially the the young folks, and I and I talked about this a little bit during during the the uh the the multiple episodes, the they're the first ones to raise their hand. They're the first ones to say, I don't like the person I'm becoming, and what do you have or what are you gonna do to help me kind of to work through this? And on paper, we might have a lot, but it goes back to that that organizational culture. And if that organizational culture isn't supportive and doesn't have the backing and doesn't have the policies that have been updated, then we're just gonna find ourselves uh getting the people help and then basically, you know, putting putting those folks in exile. You know, talking about them behind their back, always wondering whether or not they're gonna be okay. Uh we don't celebrate them coming back, we don't celebrate them getting help, and we don't celebrate their growth. Uh we we'd much rather exile them. You know, I think the quiet agreement is what shocked me the most. Um those that were in uh pretty significant positions within the wellness industry, um knowing that their positions uh they had to remain neutral, um I was still still getting a lot of uh a lot of support. A lot of support. Uh because they see it. You know, I I talked about it uh while I was on my way to uh a few of the conferences that I that I went to last week. You know, the the the same people that will complain or or say that I'm being negative or uh being just a loudmouth or whatever whatever it is that that they're saying out there that that gets back to me, uh those are the same people that will never say it to my face. There were many opportunities for those same people to say it to my face, and and they uh they passed on that opportunity. Um but there are plenty of people that that pulled me aside that may not been able to be uh as public about their support that said, we love what you're doing. It's about time somebody said the hard things. So those direct messages, those, those emails, and and those conversations after the tradings are the ones that uh got me sitting back in this seat again to talk about some of the hard within the culture. Um I think the hesitation to say things privately is I mean to say things publicly is another barrier. Um I I know that the positions are are are important. I know that sometimes having the backing financially from from from larger entities um can can kind of stifle you as well. But I I think that that also prevents changing the culture. I think that also prevents having these hard conversations. And I think at the end of the day, silence is what protects the problem. Honesty exposes it. So, like I said, there was you know negative feedback, uh, and I expected that. Um I I didn't, like I said, I didn't get into this thinking that I I knew it all or claimed to have known known it all. Um I'm I'm coming from just a level of experience, and not only my own lived experience, but my experience in almost a decade doing wellness work throughout the country. Um talking to the people on the ground, talking to wellness coordinators, talking to command staffs, talking to uh people that are looking for change with within their culture. So I knew I was gonna get some some feedback uh that was gonna be negative, and that that was fine. That was fine. Um but you know, whenever culture's exposed, that's when that defensiveness seems to come out of nowhere. Uh oh, he's being too negative. Oh, what he's saying is is just too much. Oh, I can't believe that he's talking about that. Somebody's got to. Somebody's got to because these things, if they don't get fixed, we will continue in this hamster wheel of of public safety wellness. We'll go to the trainings, we'll go to the conferences, we'll we'll get certifications, we'll go back to our agency, we'll attempt to do the right things, we'll get people help, and they'll come back right into a toxic environment. They'll come back into a non-supportive environment, they'll come back to fragile leadership, which is then going to just exacerbate the things that they're going through. The only thing that I can say is once you do get the help, whether it be for mental health or or substance use disorder or or a combination of them both, and that opens your eyes a little bit clearly, that's when we're seeing folks go, hey, I don't need to put up with the bullshit anymore. That there's a lot more out there for me to do. And I and I believe that that's what we're seeing. That's what we're seeing today. Um, you know, I think pointing out the problem is not the same as creating the problem. And I feel with some of the negative feedback that I've been getting, everybody's kind of pointing at me as creating a problem that isn't that isn't there. And that's just avoidance. Uh I think that the majority of the folks know it's there. And that's the sneaky little secret that nobody wants to talk about. And I had enough of of seeing it, I've had enough of watching it, I've had enough of listening to the to the complaints about it, that something had to be done. So I'd created the series to kind of just piecemeal just how bad things can get all the way up to that family silence episode. And once it gets to that point, that's when we see the real bad stuff happen. That's where we see the risky behaviors start to start to become more prevalent. That's where we see folks getting into trouble more often than not. Because not only are they not uh talking at home, but they're not talking at work either. They're not having these conversations. So they feel like they've they've been put on an island to kind of figure it out for themselves. And I'm all for individual accountability. Not saying that individual accountability doesn't play a role in this. And I think once that individual holds themselves accountable and kind of gets out of this this rut with a little bit of a support system, like I said, it it opens up their eyes, it gives them a more clear picture as to is this environment worth my health, both physically and mentally. And I we're seeing it. We're seeing it more and more. You know, uh I alluded to the loudmouth uh moniker that I've been given. Um and that's fine. But with that, folks wanted evidence. They wanted evidence with what what I was saying, uh, specifically on on social media. Um not so much on here, but on social media, you know, I'll play the clips, I'll I'll I'll throw some some stuff on there, and you know, well, where's where's the evidence? And then I was able to give them evidence. And they were still mad. So at the end of the day, you know, I know we're not gonna touch everybody with this, with this, with this podcast. Uh I just want to make sure that the people that are doing the job every day have a voice. They have a voice, they have a voice in me, they have the ability uh to be heard, uh to be seen, and for somebody to step out and be uncomfortable saying the things because this isn't comfortable for me. I know that at the end of the day that this is going to prevent a lot of opportunities for me. And that's okay. Somebody has to talk about it. Because it's not about me, it's about the people doing the job. At the end of the day, I could wrap this all up today and go back to doing what I was doing and still be okay. But until we start talking about the hard stuff, and it's still, and instead of saying, oh, it's all negative, it's all negative, I can't, I can't get behind it because it's all negative. No, it's all truthful, it's all honest. And sometimes it's brutally honest. And those conversations are hard. And if we're not gonna be honest with ourselves about that, then the the public safety culture will never grow out of uh the toxic fraternity that it that it is today. We see pockets of it. People are doing great things. People are doing great things in public safety. And those people doing the great things are are no different than the people that are doing great things within the organization. People that hold themselves accountable, people that are taking their mental and physical health seriously, they're also met with what? The people over in the corner going, what's that guy doing, or what's that what's that girl doing over there? That's dumb. I'm not doing any of that stuff. This is all part of the job. And and unfortunately, organizations feel the same way. So until we can stop pointing fingers at one another, oh well, he's too negative, or oh, this is too much, or this is too much. Just let's let's call it for what it is. We don't have a wellness problem. I don't I think wellness has has blossomed into a into a wonderful thing. What we have is is wellness is put over to the side as a side project instead of integrated into the culture. And that's that's as honest as I can put it. We have wellness conferences. Why aren't those wellness conferences integrated into into the bigger picture? There's a reason. People don't want to hear it, people don't believe in it. People understand that they need it now. People understand that it it's it's it's part of what this new wave of policing is. They understand that there's a new era of policing coming. And instead of getting ahead of it and doing the work for themselves, they would much rather just integrate these small little programs in, checking the box every single time, and saying, hey, I got on board. I don't know what the problem is. It's easy to do that. It's easy to do that. Like I said, awareness has never been the problem. I think we're very much aware. Um, I think that we talk about wellness all a lot. We talk about it a lot. And and with that, I think that we need to know that it does matter. But awareness and honesty aren't the same thing. See, awareness is comfy, right? You get comfy when you talk awareness. Honesty asks the hard questions. And that's what I'm doing. Uh, and that's what I'll continue to do. I'll continue to ask the hard questions, I'll continue to ask the whys. I'll continue to ask why you are part of uh the wellness community. What what is your drive behind all this? Why all of a sudden do you want to add wellness uh into your agency? Those are those are legitimate questions. Those are all legitimate questions. And sometimes those those answers that I get back aren't what you would normally expect. You'd be flawed at some of the answers that I get. And I'm not here to put anybody on blast. I'm just saying that we're awareness out. And you heard me say that before. I think we all know that the job is going to touch us in some way. We're going to be impacted by this job. I think we all understand that. I think we we underestimate the impact at times. I think leadership underestimates the impact at times. I think leadership does a does a shit job of recognizing it in themselves. They throw on the collar device, they they they they take up their position, and they forget or pretend to forget about all the stuff that has impacted them. So it then becomes a it's it's a them problem. And and I don't have a problem, it's a them problem. And unfortunately, that that's where we are today. You know, the wellness industry around public safety didn't appear in a vacuum, it grew out of the profession. And because of that, it can carry the same cultural habits. And you know, that this is gonna be a tough, tough topic, but one that I definitely, definitely want to talk about. You see, uh another piece of that feedback that came during uh the series is definitely worth talking about. You know, some people pointed out that the same cultural dynamics uh discussed inside the profession are are starting to appear inside the wellness space itself. You know, whether it be the clicks, little back channel conversations, we talk about gatekeeping. Uh it happens. It's happening more often uh than than most would care to admit within the wellness space. Uh people protecting territory, uh, people deciding who belongs at the table and who doesn't. Uh somebody says something that uh that somebody doesn't like, I I can't align myself with that because you know it could affect my my my industry, it could affect my brand. You know, that we're seeing that. We're hearing that. And uh most recently I I I heard it, you know, uh uh less than a week ago. So, you know I I just think that we're allowing some of that some of those same cultural influences influence how we do business in the wellness space. Um sometimes the conversations that should have happened openly happen quietly behind the scenes instead. And that's where, you know, I I talked about it a little a little bit, you know, uh this one, this one said something about this one, and then the rumor mill starts, and then next thing you know, uh, you know, that person's persona non grata. Like like you can't talk to that person, that person's uh a piece of shit, or whatever, whatever it is. Uh, or they're too negative, or or whatever, whatever the uh the talk is. The problem is we have to figure out the difference between the people that are here for the right reason and the people that are here uh uh because they're opportunists. Um you know. I I don't think the people that get into wellness or the wellness industry are bad actors. I I I think genuinely they get into it because they truly do. And unfortunately, as long as I've been here, I've seen it more than I'd like to say. You know, I I I see them as opportunists, and and that's fine. That comes with every profession. And you just got to outwork those folks. There are incredible people doing incredible work in this space with genuine commitment and care. And we can't lump everybody into that conversation. But the culture has a way of reproducing itself if we don't examine these things early. If we don't take a hard look at the whys, if you can't look yourself in the mirror and say, this is the reason that I got into this, or this is my purpose. This is my new purpose. And that new purpose isn't driven by, you know, oh, well, we've got to get a gig, we've got to get this gig, got to get this, got to do this. And I and I get it. You know, people gotta make a living, and I'm all for it. I think it's great that people are able to tell their story of growth, and it could be impactful, and it could it could lead to other people getting the help that they need. Um but at what cost? At what cost? At the cost of uh taking away uh a budget of a of a small agency? Uh uh at a cost of being put on an island and and and not collaborating with folks because um you're you're scared that somebody might might have a different approach and a different message. I I I just see it as unfortunately becoming just an extension of of the old uh of the old culture that that I left almost five years ago. You see, competition can replace collaboration real quickly. And none of this is about comp competing with anybody. Um I just don't think that there's a place for competition when you're talking about people's lives. So there's plenty of time and plenty of opportunity to collaborate, but once again, that that ugly three-letter word seems to creep into a lot of people's decisions, and that's ego. Um sometimes influence can replace impact. We're so concerned about whether we're we're influencing instead of impacting. We're so concerned about being recognized. That that starts to matter more than the actual service that you're providing. And the thing is, first responders notice all of it. They may not get it the first time around. They may not get it the second time around. But first responders are pretty keen on on things and and they notice uh when programs uh compete instead of cooperate. You know, they notice when ego enters the room. They notice when conversations about helping responders uh starts to look more like uh professional politics. And as a first responder, I wouldn't want anything to do with the fucking space. Because I don't know who's who or what's what or what can be trusted, what can't be trusted, who's in it for what. These are questions that first responders that are struggling shouldn't have to ask. They should be able to reach out, get the help that they need, get the training that they need, get the get the the keynotes uh speaker to to inspire hope into getting help and providing resources, providing resources after they inspire. We do see that. There are folks out there that are doing that, but they're overshadowed, unfortunately, by recognition and influence. You see, responders believe, if they if they believe that the wellness space is just another extension of internal politics, which it is becoming, they'll just fucking disengage, just like they do back at their agency. That's the culture mirror that that we're talking about today. That's what I am starting to see uh as as as somebody that has uh maneuvered in the wellness community. I'm starting to see that culture mirror start to get a little bit bigger. You know, sometimes the same dynamics that we criticize in the profession are the ones that we must be careful not to repeat in in the solution. And unfortunately, over time, we're starting to see history repeat itself within the culture. We're starting to see history repeat itself within uh the wellness community. And until we can actually land this plane that we call wellness and take a hard look at the whys and and and why we're doing it and who we're doing it for more specifically, we can we can fix it amongst one another in the wellness space. There's no doubt that we can. There's plenty of work, and there's plenty of people that that need the help, and there's plenty of people that need to be educated, and there's plenty of people that that will hang on to your last word uh if you're authentic and and and willing to put yourself out there and willing to help them and willing to find them resources. I don't I don't deny that. I I think that that we can, for a lack of better terms, we can unfuck the wellness space by having these conversations, by actually putting action into the words that that we're putting out there. We have an opportunity. We have an opportunity to get off this island that that we've been stuck on uh on the outside. Hey, the wellness stuff is over here. We have an opportunity to kind of come together as a as a community and push this thing forward, push it into the culture. Um different than than a lot of the changes that we've seen, uh, for better or for worse, with with within policing and within public safety. Um there's been tons of changes over the past decade that that were uncomfortable. Uh but once they're in place and they become part of what we do every single day, it becomes it becomes the norm. And and unfortunately, uh as much awareness that we're putting out and as much programming and as what as many initiatives as we we may be implementing, it still feels like a like an extra. Like like we we we just have this extra thing over here that we're going to add to add to our agency. This is why the conversation matters. Uh honest conversations are uncomfortable, and I think we can all agree with that. But the culture only changes when people are willing to actually examine it honestly. Uh, avoiding those conversations doesn't protect the profession. Unfortunately, it only protects the problems. You know, the seven deadly sins was never about tearing down public safety. It was about protecting it. Public safety is filled with incredible people who show up day after day, week after week, on the worst days of people's lives. Those people deserve honesty about the systems and cultures that they work with in. And if honesty about culture makes people uncomfortable, that simply means that the conversation matters. Like I said, the goal was never to be liked. The goal is and was to make the profession better. And that's the reset. Ladies and gentlemen, uh, we got a lot of cool things uh coming coming up. Uh I'll be heading to the FOP National Conference to talk about um cancer and its impact within law enforcement as a peer uh with Blue Cancer Connect and Vicky Speed, uh, who I hold dearly. Uh that that's a topic that I hold very close. Um I'll be heading up to Delaware where I am going to uh talk about the seven deadly sins of public safety wellness uh with with with some folks up there that are putting on a symposium that that isn't impacted by vendors, that it isn't impacted by anybody except for the people that want to do the work. And uh give a quick shout out to uh Chief Chris Workman who who's put on putting on this wonderful, wonderful uh symposium. And I can uh just be humbled to be part of that thing and close up the the close up the symposium with with a keynote on that topic. Um these are the conversations and they're starting to happen. And I I I look at this platform as an opportunity to start those conversations uh because like I said, uh it's never about cutting it down, this profession. It's about actually protecting it. So until next time, um stay safe. Uh catch me uh at those couple places that I'm gonna be next. If you're in those areas, uh check out therresponderreset.org uh for more information. Um check me out on the socials. I'm on I'm on Instagram, I'm on, I'm on TikTok, I'm on Facebook. Uh if any of this stuff resonates with you, you know how to get in touch with us. There'll be links uh attached to to the podcast. Check us out, check out Lighthouse Health and Wellness. Uh with just one solution in this in this cog. Um it's not a catch-all, fix-all, but but check us out. Uh, we're doing a lot of great things uh to make the job easier for for peers and peer coordinators uh throughout the industry. Um just glad I can be part, a small part of this industry, and and like I said, have this platform to talk about the hard things. And like I said, if it resonated with you, if there's a topic you want to hear, shoot me a shoot me a text, shoot me an email. I'll be more than happy to talk about them. Uh this is a a solo cast. Uh this this is this is meant to be a solo cast. I don't want to be bogged down with trying to get guests. I think guests should be special, and it should be a special guest uh to to to to basically you know hit with what we're talking about. So we'll see you next time later. The Respond to Reset Podcast is built by Lighthouse Health and Wellness for and by the people doing the work. If this hit home, pass it on. If you're carrying the weight, don't do it by yourself. Until next time, shift the mindset, change the outcome.