True Colors: When We Become the Problem

Any industry shows its true colors when it gets pushed.

In this episode Rich touches on something that most people inside the first responder wellness space won’t say publicly — because the professional cost is too high.
Rich tackles the uncomfortable reality that some behaviors showing up in corners of the wellness space are the same ones we’ve spent years trying to eliminate from public safety culture. He touches on the gatekeeping that decides who gets the platform and who gets pushed to the margins. The way people get labeled — not for being wrong — but for being inconvenient. The practitioners quietly put on islands for asking the right questions to the wrong people.

Rich also touches on the two kinds of people doing damage in this space — the outsider with financial or political backing who lands in rooms they never earned through experience, and the insider who did the job but aligned themselves with whoever funds the chair — using their lived credibility as cover.

And he touches on something nobody wants to name directly — the way some of those same players funnel donations into nonprofits not to serve first responders — but to make sure their brand and their face are front and center when the check gets presented.

This episode isn’t a condemnation. It’s a mirror. And a direct challenge to hold this space to the same standard it demands from the departments it serves.

Because you cannot ask public safety to change a culture you are quietly recreating.

RESET.

CONTACT ME: 

rich@theresponderreset.org

https://www.theresponderreset.org/

There’s a lot of noise out there. A lot of solutions. But what’s missing? Connection. Credibility. Consistency.  If you’re still here—leading, learning, showing up for your people—you’re not alone. Let’s reset. Together.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Responder Reset Podcast, created by Lighthouse Health and Wellness. I'm your host, Rich Kramer. This podcast exists because the job didn't come with the reset button. We're here to talk about what the uniform takes from us and what it means to take it back. Real stories, real conversations, no filter. Let's get into it. Hey, welcome back. This is the Respond to Reset Podcast, and we are on episode 10. I'll say it again, episode 10. I would have never thought when I started this thing that we would be 10 episodes in, but here we are, and I want to talk about a topic that is maybe a little off what we normally talk about. I, you know, I normally talk about some of the things that are going on within the public safety culture, and then we we kind of um pick it apart and kind of give you the resets. And, you know, I've noticed something here lately uh within the public safety wellness industry. And that's what that's what today's gonna be about. It's gonna be about the public safety wellness industry, uh, more closely related to the law enforcement wellness industry, uh, because that's the one that I I spent the most and most time in. Um and we're gonna call this episode when we become the problem. And I want to talk about it because it's been sitting with me for a while. And I want to be as open and upfront about it as I possibly can be, because like I said, this one's gonna be a little bit different than what uh I normally share. Um today, like I said, I'm not talking about what's broken within uh public safety. I'm actually gonna be talking about what I've been watching happen um in a space that's supposed to be helping. Um and before I kind of dive right into this, I just want to be super clear. Um, the first responder community, wellness community, is doing amazing, amazing work. Um, they're doing important work. And there are people within this industry that I know personally uh who are showing up every single day for law enforcement officers, dispatchers, corrections, paramedics, uh, and firefighters um doing the slow, hard, unglamorous work that actually moves the needle for people that are struggling. And those people are real. And uh what they do is what they do really matters. Um, so this episode is not about them. This episode is about a pattern that I've been observing, uh, kind of like a set of behaviors uh from some people in some corners of the space. Um, the reason I'm talking about it today is simple. These behaviors look so familiar to me. Um, they look familiar because I've described them over the past seven or eight episodes uh of this of this podcast. Um the same behaviors that we've talked about over and over again within you know toxic police cultures, toxic dispatch cultures, toxic fire culture, and it's slowly creeping in to the wellness community. And I guess from where I sit, if we we as the wellness world are gonna keep asking public safety to change, and it should, we also have to be willing to hold ourselves accountable when we hold that mirror up to ourselves. And that's uh that's the price of credibility. Um let's get into it. Hey, so like the first thing I want to kind of get into is uh I need to be precise with this. Uh, I need to be precise for a couple different reasons. Um because I know how these conversations can be heard. Uh, I've gotten the feedback, and a lot of the times I don't want what I'm saying to get flattened into something that it ain't. Um, I'm not saying that the wellness industry is broken uh across the board, I'm just saying that uh space is starting to operate with a little bit bad intent and the whole thing needs uh a reset. Um maybe not the whole thing, but maybe some of the bad actors uh need to need a reset. And if you hear me saying that, if you hear me saying that we need to tear it all down or or we need a full-on reset of the wellness industry, that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is exactly what I just alluded to, which is there are some folks in this industry that unfortunately are mirroring some of the behaviors that we're telling uh the cultures that we've come from that they need to change. Um and if you're really paying attention, it should be pretty visible to you if you're paying honest attention. And I think those behaviors are really causing some damage, uh, some credibility damage for for the term wellness, uh, for the terms uh mental health, for the terms treatment. Uh, I think that uh some people are being sidelined, and um the first responders that needed uh certain practitioners that are being sidelined. Um it goes back to the the whole gatekeeping episode. You know, we we've got some some some people within the the wellness space that are there and unfortunately controlled financially or politically and allowing certain practitioners into the space to dictate who gets who gets what and and and who doesn't get uh the person or persons that that that may have more credibility in the space. Um I'm also saying that the wellness space has to have the same obligation it it places on public safety, just like I I said from from the from the get. Um we have to name what isn't working, even when it even when it's uncomfortable for us. Uh even more so when it's uncomfortable. Because that culture of silence that that we talk about so frequently within our own culture is slowly, slowly creeping into into the wellness space. And it looks a lot like hey, don't say that out loud, or hey, don't burn a bridge, or hey, don't lose the speaking gig type of silence. Um, and that's not neutrality, it's it's actually compliciteness. Um and the thing is we know it. We we know it, we talk about it, we we talk about it at length, and it's easy for us that are that are within the wellness community or the wellness industry to point the fingers at everybody else. But when it comes back to taking a hard look at ourselves, um we don't we don't want to have that conversation. Um, you know, some of us have built our own our whole entire professional identity around saying that uh that it's a public safety culture problem. But the thing is we don't get to exempt ourselves. So that's the frame I'm I'm kind of framing this in. Uh, some behaviors equal real consequences, and we have to be willing to say it out loud. So, you know, look, any organization, movement, industry, it can look like a healthy culture when things are comfortable. Uh, when the funding is there, uh the message is resonating, and everybody's moving in the same direction, it's easy to project that there's alignment. Um, the real test is what happens when things get inconvenient or somebody inconvenient surfaces. When somebody actually pushes back on some of this messaging, when somebody actually pushes back on what is not working anymore, when that voice shows up that doesn't fit where things are headed, that's when you find out what something is actually made of. And what I've watched in some of the corners of the first responder wellness space is when it gets pushed is a reflex to protect the brand. Uh instead of protecting the actual mission why uh uh the mission you started uh basically why you started in this space. Um you know it it's to manage the narrative that is that is catching uh that's catching the the the eyes of those that may hold the the the pocket strings uh that that may uh resonate with with those that are in politically uh charged positions. And we have to protect that because if we we don't protect that, that means uh we don't get funded. That means uh we we don't get um uh those spots with within uh you know the these large-scale uh conferences. Uh we we don't get the the the the positioning to to to make some real change because it's uncomfortable for those to think that everything that they're moving towards may be uh mistaken as as the solution. You know, in public safety, we know exactly what it looks like when it happens inside of an agency, right? Um you know, an administrator who kind of controls the whole story instead of actually fixing the problem. Uh the supervisor that protects the department's reputation, while the officer gets who raised the issue gets quietly moved to another location within the agency, or uh a firefighter gets moved to another station, or you know, uh a dispatch boot gets moved to another shift, dispatcher gets moved to another shift. We see it. We see that issue and the culture that values how things appear over how things actually are. You know, we're good at putting off this appearance that everything is working great. And when, like I said, whenever somebody pushes against that or raises a question, you could see it in the reactions. You can see it in the reactions, whether it be on social media, you can see it in the reactions in a in a more professional environment. And I and I use quotes, air quotes, professional environment, whether it be in on panels, whether it be on LinkedIn, where wherever it may be, um, we see the the defensiveness uh come out. We see that those that that want to stay comfortable with exactly what's going on, they wanna they want to initially become defensive. They want to initially point out that you're the problem. They want to initially put you on that island somewhere. So when I see those same instincts kind of show up in the wellness space, you know, kind of like when I see someone raise legitimate concerns, um, watch the response about managing that person instead of addressing what they said, I can't pretend that I don't recognize it. I've seen it too many times. I've seen it too many times in my career in too many different ways for me not to say anything. You know, protecting the brand over the mission is a behavior. And it shows up the same way, regardless whether it's happening in a police department or within a wellness organization. The consequences are the same too. You know, it's not always loud either. Uh, most of the time it's quiet. Most of the time they get managed, that person gets managed, or those people get managed. Uh, they stop getting included in things. Um, the opportunities that should have been theirs go to somebody else. Uh, they get described in certain ways to certain people. Uh, and those descriptions follow them. Uh, they they stick to them like glue. And not because they did something wrong, but because they said something that was inconvenient to someone with a little bit more leverage than they had. You know, we see this happen across public safety. You know, whether it be the paramedic who flags a systemic problem and suddenly finds themselves on worse shifts, uh, you know, the corrections officer who raises a safety concern and gets moved to a more isolated post, uh, the dispatcher who speaks up about staffing and then quietly gets labeled the troublemaker, uh, the officer who challenged the direction things are going and ends up on an island. Like I said, same patterns, different agencies, different uniforms. And now in the wellness space, we're starting to see this more often. Um, and I know we've talked about this on the on the podcast about what the what that does to people. Uh, the way it teaches everybody watching that honesty has a cost, uh, the way that it signals to an entire organization what the actual culture is, regardless of what a mission statement says. I've watched that same pattern play out in the Welda space that I'm currently in now. Someone pushes back on a direction that has financial momentum or political backing behind it, and they get labeled. Not loudly, professionally, not wrong, difficult, not misaligned, divisive. Not asking a fair question, they're just not a team player. Those are the exact words that have been used to silence good people within public safety wellness um for decades. For decades. And they're being used uh uh unfortunately not only in public safety wellness, uh, we've seen them play out for for decades as well within the public safety community um by some of the same people who will stand on a stage next week and talk about psychological safety. And that's that's the that's the thing that kills me, is these same people that were will get up on a stage and talk about psychological safety and wanting to change the culture within you know their agency or their their community or their organization are the same ones that are that are that are slowly pushing that narrative down the way because they want to control it, because it's safe for them, and because they're they're backed, like I said, by those by those financial or or politically motivated uh organizations that unfortunately pull the puppet strings and and you know if you're gonna have your organization's logo branded on on something that that carries more weight or you're gonna get the donation, you're gonna do what we ask you to do. And if that means not aligning with somebody that has a different message, then that that it just it has to be that way. And I I've seen um friendships kind of dissolve over this. I've seen um people make choices based on their own identity instead of the the connections and and friendships that have been built over years. You see, I'm not interested in the language of culture change from people who use it selectively. You don't get to preach accountability on a Tuesday and practice retaliation on a Wednesday. That's not a movement, that's a brand. And there's a huge difference with that. You see, there's a there's another version of this that gets even quiet and in some ways more damaging because it's hotter to point at directly. Like I said, you know, people get put on islands. And I say that because at the end of the day, you know, it's not this big fight, it's not this big blow-up, it's not this big social media blitz talking about just how horrendous uh somebody's behavior is or they're going against the grain. It is just that slow, it's basically they get the lifeboat, they put them in the lifeboat, him or her in the lifeboat, and and and they take the oars and they just kind of push them towards the direction of that deserted island. They've got enough enough sense to keep themselves afloat. They have enough sense to get to the island, they have enough sense to to live okay on that island. But at the end of the day it's done. It's done for a reason. You know, there's no, like I said, there's no confrontation, there's no explanation. They just stop being included. Those invites don't come. Or if they do come, they come with um uh uh talking to. And what what I mean by a talking to is hey, um you can be here just as long as you don't say certain things, as long as you don't confront the behaviors that you're seeing because it might make people uncomfortable. You see, the problem though with that is is I've watched a lot of people end up on those islands that weren't marginal voices in in the public safety wellness uh industry. Some of them among the most qualified, most rigorous practitioners in this space. People with real backgrounds who've worked the streets, ran the calls, sat with people in the worst moments of their life, people who understand the culture from the inside because they've lived it, people who've built their own knowledge up throughout the years, educated themselves of not only actual experience, but true education on on what mental health truly is and not what they can regurgitate because they've been through a 30-day treatment program. You see, they got there because they asked the wrong questions, or they just didn't align with the right initiative. They challenge something with money and politics behind it. And the industry that talks about belonging shows their way every single time when somebody starts to speak up. You see, we we have conversations, you hear people talk about it in the in the industry that we want to make it safe for people to speak up. We want to make it safe for people to say what's on their minds. We want to create the space for honest conversation. But quietly, they're making sure that those conversations never happen. And here's the part that matters the most. The first responders who could have been served by these practitioners, whether it be the officer that needed a specific kind of help, a paramedic who needed someone who actually understood their world, um, they lost access to it. And not because the practitioners stopped giving a shit, because the industry managed them out. That is the cost. It doesn't show up on a balance sheet, nobody tracks it, but it's real and it's happening, and it deserves to be named. I want to talk about who's actually in the room. And I want to talk about how they actually got there. This is very specific, and I and I want you guys to pay close, close attention to what I'm saying. Something I think that is doing real damage to the credibility of the wellness space, and ultimately the trust of the first responders it's trying to serve is. There are two types of people in this space. And I want you to know this because uh there's more layers to that than it might first appear. See, the first per first kind is is someone that has never worked in public safety. Not law enforcement, not EMS, not the fire service, not corrections, never worked a shift, never ran a call, never wore the uniform. And that experience, whether you like it or not, is real. It gave them something that mattered. But somewhere along the way, they aligned themselves with a financially and politically backed movement or an organization. And now those positions that they hold or the influence that they carry or the rooms they get to get into, those aren't being sustained by ongoing work. They're being sustained by that financial alignment. Now I want you to think about this for a second. This is somebody that that gave basically 20 to 25 years of their life. They lived it, they breathed it, they they understand the culture. And and they found themselves behind an organization or a company that provided that financial blanket or that political blanket that got them into rooms that they would have never been able to get into. And their whole alignment changed. Their whole why changed. It became less about doing the real work and more about the image that they could portray of being a first responder wellness advocate or a first responder liaison for some for some uh company. And unfortunately, those that get put in those positions they they truly forget why they got into the space in the first place. And that's why this is a more difficult problem than just what I'm talking about. Because at the end of the day, nobody questions why they're in the room. They've got that badge of lived experience, they can speak the language, they know the culture from the inside out. So that credibility that came from actually doing the job becomes a cover. And it becomes a cover for representing whoever's funding the chair that they're sitting in rather than the mission the room is supposed to be about. And that's a different type of problem than just the outsider with no background. Because at least with the outsider, the gap is visible if you look close enough. With the insider who sold the alignment, the gap is hidden behind that resume that checks out. Um, and and the first responders in that room who are looking for somebody to trust, who are looking for someone who gets it, they have no way of knowing that that person up front is there because of a funding relationship and not because of the earned seat based on their merit. You see, I've watched this play out in public safety my entire career. We all know the person that's been aligned in the right relationship that got promoted over the more qualified person or the department with the right connections to get the grant, to get that grant funding, right? It's not always, you know, the the ones that deserve it. It's not always the ones that are that are out there doing more work or better work for that matter. And we know what that does to the culture. And we know what it does to the trust. And we know it doesn't serve the people at the bottom who need it, who needed the best possible leadership and didn't get it because the decision wasn't made on merit. It works exactly the same in the wellness space. Both versions of it. And the people paying the prices are always the fucking same. The ones who needed the real help and got something that looked like it instead. I want to also kind of hit on the nonprofit game. I want to take it one step further because there's a piece of this that I think needs to be said directly. Some of these people that we're talking about, the ones with the financial backing, the ones with organizational support, the ones who found themselves in rooms they didn't earn their way into. Uh, some of them have also figured out that nonprofits are a useful vehicle. And not useful in the way that nonprofits are supposed to be useful. And here's what that looks like. You know, donations get made to first responder nonprofits, real money, sometimes significant amounts of money. And it flows towards organizations that are doing work in the mental health and wellness space. And on the surface, it looks fucking great. It looks like people who are really, really hell-bent on helping those nonprofits. It looks like an investment. It looks like somebody's actually putting resources behind the mission. But I want you to watch where the attention goes. I want you to watch what gets documented. I want you to watch what ends up on social media and in the press releases or on LinkedIn and in the content that gets pushed out after that check is written. You know, whether it be the selfie at the check presentation, the logo prominently displayed, the branding front and center in every photo, the social media post that's normally about the cause, but functionally about the person who's giving. The presence at events that has less to do with serving, but more to do with being seen serving the first responders there. And you notice what I said there. It's less to do with actual serving, but more about the image of serving first responders. Unfortunately, those donations become a marketing tool. The nonprofit becomes a platform. And the mission, unfortunately, the actual mission of supporting people in public safety who are struggling becomes a backdrop. Something to stand in front of while the real objective, which is visibility and credibility and access, gets advanced. And here's the thing about that it works. It fucking works. It opens doors. Uh, it creates the appearance of that deep investment in whatever cause that nonprofit might be might be uh might be behind. And it builds the kind of reputation that gets you into rooms we were just talking about. The ones you couldn't get into on the basis of your experience alone. I've got nothing against people that give money to nonprofits or any of the first responder causes. I have nothing against visibility for organizations doing real work. What I do have a problem with is when their giving is structured around the giver. And I'll say that again. What I do have a problem with is when the giving is structured around the giver. When the primary beneficiary of the donation is the brand of the person making it. When the first responders, these nonprofits exist to serve are being used as a backdrop for someone else's positioning. That's not giving. That's not giving at all. What that is is marketing. And it belongs in the same conversation as everything else we've been talking about today. Because it is the same instinct to protect the image, build the brand, prioritize visibility over the mission, and do it in a space where people who are supposedly serving are too burned out, too overwhelmed, and too accustomed to being placed last and being let down to give a fuck anymore. And that's what we're seeing. Unfortunately, that is what we're seeing in this space. We're seeing it unfortunately too often. Way too often. You see, public safety professionals deserve better. And the wellness space, if it's serious about what it stands for, needs to be honest about it when it's happening. Because just like we enable behavior within our organizations, if we enable this behavior within the wellness community and within the wellness space, we're slowly gonna turn into that culture that we've been trying to fight against. All right. So here's where I land on all of it, though. Because I'm just not gonna sit here and talk about what I'm seeing. I I there's gotta be a way we can slow things down a bit. There's gotta be a way to where we can kind of reset it. So, you know, I've been in public safety long enough to know that the culture doesn't change because of speeches. It doesn't change because I'm I'm on this podcast talking about it. It doesn't change because mission statements is mission statements are conference themes or the right hashtag. Um, culture changes when people inside it are willing to take a hard fucking look at their own behavior. And, you know, I talk a lot about leadership accountability and I talk about uh accountability across the board, but what it all comes down to is that individual accountability. And if you're willing to have that honest look at your own behavior, um it's gonna be able to give you a better idea of what the hell you're doing in the in the in the wellness space in the first place. Are you here because you're an opportunist? Or are you here because you truly give a fuck about the next generation of first responders not having to go through the same bullshit that you went through in your 20, 25, 30 year career? You see, that's what we ask our first responders. We ask them to look at patterns inside their own organizations, to name what isn't working, and to hold themselves to the standard they claim to represent. The thing is, the wellness space doesn't get to get a pass on that. It doesn't get to demand accountability from everybody else in public safety while protecting its own dysfunction. It doesn't get to preach psychological safety while silencing the people that challenge it. And it doesn't get to talk about the mission while using donations as a way to fucking brand themselves. So here's the question I keep coming back to. I want everybody that that may be listening to this, that that is working within the public safety wellness culture, I want you to I want you to think about this question. If a first responder, whether it be an officer, a paramedic, firefighter, corrections officer, walked into the wellness space right now and watched how some of it operates, and watched who gets protected, who gets, and who gets labeled, and watches who ends up on islands, and then who gets handed a keynote based on their network. Watch the selfies at the check presentations and the branding in the front row. Would they recognize the culture that this is coming from? And for some corners of this space right now, yes, they would. And that matters. And the reason it matters is because these are the people we're asking to fucking trust us. People who've already been let down by the cultures they came from, people that are trying to believe that the help that we're offering them is real. People who can't afford another system to fail them, another system that talks about change and delivers the same pattern of behavior that they're that they're used to. So the reset today is this. If you're in this space, and I include myself in this, be honest about what your culture actually looks like when it gets pushed. Not what your website says, not what your mission statement promises, what actually happens when someone challenges the direction you're going? What actually happens when the money and the politics and the platform are pointing away, pointing one way, and the truth is pointing someplace else? Do you follow the truth or do you protect your brand? That's the question. And how you answer it, not on your podcast, not in your keynote, but in the actual decisions that you make when nobody's watching, that's your culture. That's what you actually stand for. The people we serve are counting on, some of us, to actually mean it. And I want to end, I want to close with this. I'll be honest, this was not a fucking easy episode to come up with. I have a lot of notes here because I wanted to make sure that I hit all of the points I needed to make. These conversations matter. These conversations matter because they're rare. And the people who show up every single fucking day for public safety deserve a wellness space that has the courage to hold itself accountable. Not just the departments it's trying to serve. And I want to ask this if this resonated, share it with somebody that needs to hear it. Whether that's inside public safety, inside the wellness world, outside of public safety altogether. And if it made you uncomfortable, good. I want you to fucking sit with yourself before you decide you want to come at me and react. Because that discomfort that you're feeling might be telling you something worth listening to. You guys take care of yourselves out there and make sure somebody's taking care of you. That's gonna be episode 10. Um, hit me up. Hit me up. We're gonna be moving in a couple different directions. Uh, some big things are happening uh with uh my position with Blue Cancer Connect. We'll have an uh an announcement about that uh probably in the next episode. Uh we're we're also looking at uh coming off a huge, huge uh successful beyond the badge uh symposium, well two-day wellness symposium up in Delaware, where I was actually able to uh provide uh folks within that space uh uh a look at what the seven sins, seven deadly sins of public safety truly are and and what we can do better as a culture to fix them. Um but it also gave me a peek into what this episode was going to be. So with that, uh thank you. Thank you for the continued support. Thank you for listening. Uh hit uh the links with the within uh within the caption if you want to learn more about the responder reset. Uh as always, take a look at uh the link for Lighthouse for Public Safety and some of the solutions that they're providing uh our first responders, as well as their peer teams and some of the trainings that that are being offered. Um and also, like I said, make sure that you got somebody that that's taking care of you. Because at the end of the day, um it's getting really murky and it's getting really muddy. And we we've got to do a better job at uh clearing up some of this some of this mud. Um with that, thank you. Thank you again, and we'll see you next time. The Respond to Reset Podcast is built by Lighthouse Health and Wellness for and by the people doing the work. If this hit home, pass it on. If you're carrying the weight, don't do it by yourself. Until next time, shift the mindset, change the outcome.