Episode 11: Q&A — When The Job Becomes You

In this raw Q&A episode, we tackle the questions you’ve been sending in. How do first responders keep their ego in check without losing their edge? What’s the one piece of advice for anyone new to this world? What’s been the biggest challenge since launching the show? And for the responder who’s 18 years in and medically can’t continue — we’ve got you.

Real questions. Real answers. No filters.
Reset. Reflect. Realign.

There’s a lot of noise out there. A lot of solutions. But what’s missing? Connection. Credibility. Consistency.  If you’re still here—leading, learning, showing up for your people—you’re not alone. Let’s reset. Together.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Responder Reset Podcast, created by Lighthouse Health and Wellness. I'm your host, Rich Kramer. This podcast exists because the job didn't come with the reset button. We're here to talk about what the uniform takes from us and what it means to take it back. Real stories, real conversations, no filter. Let's get into it. Alright, welcome back to the Respond to Reset Podcast, episode number 11, and we're gonna do things a little bit off kilter here today. I kind of put out uh one of those question and answer uh tags on on Instagram and on one of my stories and asked some of the followers um for some questions just to kind of um shake things up a little bit on the on the on the podcast and and kind of answer some questions uh related to you know anything first responder wellness, um job related, whatever it may be, whatever came to mind. I was able to pull uh about four good ones um from all I guess different parts of the the space. Uh we've got uh a family member of a of a first responder, we've got uh a current uh person that works in homeland security, we've got um two two two clinicians uh that that that that send some stuff in. So a little bit of a little bit of everything for everyone. And uh we're gonna kind of base some of the answers on uh my my opinion on on some of the the questions that are that are being asked, and hopefully it helps that person um kind of give them give them some some ideas on on some of the questions that they they presented to me. Um and maybe maybe it touches somebody that that's listening today. So I I want to get right into it. Um you know first question that was that was asked of me, and I got it right here on on the Instagram, uh, but how can first responders manage their own ego? And what is a healthy amount of ego? That's a great question. Um it's not only a great question because I know the person that that sent it in, but that person uh may uh may not be related to me, uh, my oldest son. Um, but it's a good place to stop because listen, ego gets stalked about all the time, uh, especially um when we talk about it, it's automatically assumed as a bad thing. Uh like if you have an ego, you know, it means you're arrogant or insecure or reckless or you know, full of yourself. Um, that's not always true. I think you need a certain amount of ego to kind of do the job. Uh, you need enough to kind of walk into those situations uh and believe that you can handle what's presented to you. Um, you need enough to make decisions when things are moving fast. Uh, you need uh that confidence uh when things are people are freezing, like people can't make a decision. Uh people are gonna look to you uh with that confidence in you and in your ability to make decisions, and you have to have enough conviction to kind of step forward and make a decision that isn't gonna cost somebody else's life. So, no, I don't think ego's the enemy, um, but I think an uncontrolled ego can become a problem. And I think we have to kind of balance that as you know, a healthy ego says I'm capable. Uh, an unhealthy ego basically says I'm beyond correction. Um, a healthy ego says, I belong here. Uh, an unhealthy ego says, I am the room. Um, uh healthy ego lets you lead, whereas uh unhealthy ego you have that that feeling to need to dominate the space. Uh that's where people kind of get it twisted up a little bit because I think they usually look at the ego portion of it as that bad thing. We we we we we want to automatically assume that having an ego is is a bad thing. And when you start getting experience and you start to gain confidence and people start trusting you, maybe you're not that good under pressure, maybe you've seen more than people would expect you to have seen. Maybe your name starts carrying weight. I think that that's where that unhealthy ego can kind of creep in a little bit. You know, you you kind of do the job and you do it well, and and that reputation kind of precedes you. Um, you can fall into that unhealthy ego very, very easily. So I think it's a great question. I think uh, you know, uh in doing the job, you have to have that balance of how much is too much and how much isn't is not enough. So I think having the self-awareness and a little bit of that humility to kind of catch yourself as to going, hey, maybe I'm not as big as I think I am, or maybe I'm not as good as I think I am. And I think that that's where we kind of fall into that category of letting our ego kind of make decisions that we're just not capable of. I think that the ego, that unhealthy ego kind of creeps in when we're not as confident as we think that we are. I think that that ego tends to creep, that unhealthy ego starts to creep in when things get uncomfortable. So we can kind of lean on our experiences, but we haven't really honed those skills or experiences uh to become better. We we've kind of leaned on our laurels, for lack of a better word, to to to kind of you know base our base our decision making on this this this this ego that that has been growing over a course of our career. And I think that that's what we're seeing, unfortunately, when it comes to leadership. Um you know the the problem is we start seeing the ego kind of sh rear its ugly ugly side when you stop asking questions, when you stop listening to people around you, as well as people that that may be working for you. You interrupt instead of kind of taking a step back to reflect. Uh you have to have the last word. And I'm guilty of that. I I've that's something that I've I've continued to have to work on um throughout my throughout my career and and and here recently. Um let's let's be honest. Like you you kind of get into this, this, this tit for tat when it comes to what's going on in the wellness space. And yeah, of course, I'm pretty confident as well as passionate about how things are going. And you know, I I've got to take a step back every now and again and kind of let myself listen to the other side of the coin. So I'm not without without some some some dog in this fight. Uh maybe, maybe, maybe my older son is seeing something that that I'm not, so I could appreciate this this this question very, very much. Um but how do you manage it? I guess that that's the question. Uh that that's that's the other side of the coin when it comes to ego. How do you manage it? And I think staying a student longer helps helps manage it a little bit. Um never stop learning, never stop learning other people's takes on on certain things. Um secondly, let people check you. Let people call you out. Let people kind of say, hey, you know, you you're you're you're you're you're taking it a step above your capabilities, and I think you need to reel it in a little bit. And not have to have the last word, but actually have that time to reflect and go, hey, maybe I am the problem, and and and go from there. How do I how do I fix that? I have to be able to have that self-awareness that I that I spoke about earlier and go, yeah, maybe I got some dog in this fight. Maybe I need to take a step back, maybe I need to kind of pump my brakes a little bit on some things and kind of see the other side of this coin. That that that unhealthy ego won't allow you to do that. So I think both first being a student, secondly, being able to take that constructive criticism. Uh, thirdly, and this is a tough one, especially in the wellness space. Separate your confidence from actual performance. Being able to separate your confidence from your performance is is sometimes difficult because while I can be confident in a lot of the things and a lot of the topics that I talk about, um, it can kind of toe the line on on performance. Me just wanting to be heard, me just wanting to put out my message, and that that's where the message kind of gets lost. Um so so we have to be able to do not only the first two, but also on that third one, you we really got to separate. Are you confident in your abilities because you're educated, well-rounded, or are you just educated on something that you feel so strongly about that it's like pushing up against that immovable object? So we have to be wary of that. Um, and and and we also have to look at what our role is outside of this identity that we've created. You know, what version of you do you want people to to really see of you? Um you know, whether that's you know, being in a uniform, whether that's a title, whether that's your your rank, whatever it is. Are you leaning too heavily on those things? And is that where your confidence is coming from? And we see that on so many levels when it comes to public safety. There's a lot of folks that that achieve certain ranks that are probably one or two higher than their capabilities or their confidence level. Um, and they don't continue to remain a student, they fall back on the status quo. And unfortunately, that that unhealthy ego starts leading and starts this making decisions based on their belief or their internal biases. And we see things kind of go really off the rails once that starts happening. Lastly, remember if you haven't been humbled by this job, then you're probably doing it wrong because the job will humble everybody. Um the question is whether you choose that humility that kind of forces you to realize that number one, it's just the job. And number two, if you allow that job to become your identity, which then leads to your ego, you're already two or three steps behind when it comes time for you to retire. So to kind of wrap up this question, yes, you do need enough ego to do the job for that for that confidence level, for that decision making. Uh, but you don't need so much that the job becomes the only thing you know how to be, or or that title is the only thing you know how to be, or that rank is the only thing you know how to be. Um and I think that that is that line that we have a bad tendency of crossing over from time to time. And sometimes that line is blurred. So excellent first question. I really appreciate that. And hopefully that that answered that for you. Uh, the second question is if if you had a piece of advice for somebody stepping, somebody new stepping into the first responder world, what would it be? I think the biggest thing is pay attention to what you're becoming, not just what you're learning. Because job's gonna teach you skills, skills that you'll take with you for the rest of your life. It's gonna teach you procedures, tactics, policy, all the things. But there'll be no shortage of people telling you how to do the job a little bit differently. What people won't sit down and tell you is how you're changing or how much you've changed over the course of your career. Nobody's willing to do that. And I think that that is the part that matters most. So my my biggest my biggest takeaway from this question is pay close attention to the person that you're becoming. Pay close attention to the person you're becoming and and learn that self-awareness very early in your career. I think when people come into this work, most of them want to kind of prove that they belong. They want to kind of fit in with that peer group. Um that's normal. Um I think people want to earn their spot. Also normal. But don't get around that group or groups that kind of force you to be something that you're not. And I think that that also has a tendency of happening within the first responder community. Uh the problem with earning acceptance is people start kind of shape shifting into what they believe their peers want them to look like. Um, they copy the attitude that that signals, you know, this strength. Uh, they they copy that whole detachment thing and they call it professionalism. Uh, they copy bad coping and they call it the culture. Uh, they copy that emotional shutdown and uh they call it maturity. Um, and unfortunately, you know, like I like I said very early in in the podcast, um, one of the first couple episodes, is we have a tendency of kind of coming to a crossroads in our career where we go right, where we kind of follow this, this, this group or groups and what they believe what this what you should look like in your profession. And then we have some folks that kind of go left and kind of get away from what I like to call, you know, the then blue line, them red line, the underwear, the stickers, the socks, you know, everything is surrounding about by by the profession. Um, you know, things happen throughout your life, whether it's marriage or or birth of a child or sometimes even death, that kind of have you go one way or the other. And I think as somebody new coming into the space, having that ability to kind of pay attention to these groups and pay attention to do I really need to win over my peers? Because at the end of the day, do they truly matter? Yeah, in the job, doing the job, having someone's back, being a being a great coworker. Yes, a thousand percent. But if we start shape shifting into something that we're not, and that slowly kind of impacts our home life, over a course of time, you're gonna see that that quote unquote family silence start to get start to become deafening. So as somebody uh that has done the job and and did it for you know uh over two decades, if I could give myself advice, and I've kind of given this advice to my youngest son who's who's in the fire academy, um, don't lose sight of who you are. And the minute you start losing sight of who you are, that's when you need to reach out and and talk to somebody. And that somebody doesn't always have to be a therapist, it could be a peer, it could be a family member, it could be anybody, and and have those conversations as to are you seeing a difference in me? Are you seeing the way that I carry myself as a little bit different? You know, what's it look like? How can I get how can I get from this what I'm turning into into uh a better version? Because I don't think we can ever go backwards. And that's the biggest problem I I have with the term um resilience, is everybody kind of says, oh, it's the ability to bounce back. Well, I don't know about you, but I don't want to bounce back to the person that I once was. I want to, I want to grow. I want, I want, I want to be able to grow from that person. So if I'm becoming a version of myself that I'm not happy with, I'm not gonna go back to the person that I was. That's going backwards. I I want to go forward, I want to move forward, I want to grow as a person. So I want to take what I've learned and what I've gathered um throughout throughout my career and say, I don't like this. So I have to do A, B, and C to not become that. And whether that's practicing gratitude, whether that's having a more optimistic mindset, uh, whether it's having a growth mindset, these are all things that once we kind of get to that point in our in our career where we don't like the version of us that we're becoming, we have to, we have to, we have to be open with that. We have to have those conversations early. And we have to be willing, like I said in from the first question with that ego, is to put our ego in check and be willing to to get it checked by someone that we that we care about, by someone that cares about us, and and be able to go, you know what, this is the only way I can get around this is to is to do it, do it for me. And get a little selfish at times and put yourself first. And you know, we we hear about uh you know all the things that kind of play into to mental health, but you have to really build habits that that kind of protect that person in uh that that person that's growing or that person that is on a path of growth, and that's protecting your sleep, that's protecting your body, that's protecting of this circle. You know, I've I've I've deemed it a triangle now because I think a circle is too big. I think I think if you find yourself in a circle, you can find yourself kind of right back into those unhealthy relationships with that lead with unhealthy egos. But you have to really focus on the people, you have to focus on the places, and you have to focus on your purpose. And those are the three points of that triangle that I that I always try to align with. Who are your people? What is your purpose? And what are the places that you're that you're finding yourself in? And if you can kind of align yourself with those three points as a young first responder, and they all kind of align with where you want to be as a person, you're gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine. You you're gonna you're gonna have those people in your life that you can have the con the conversations with, you're gonna have purpose outside of the job, and you're gonna find yourself in places where you're gonna grow as an individual. And that that that's a huge, huge portion of of navigating a career of of 20 plus years is at some point you have to make it work for you. At some point, it's gotta be less about making it work for the agency and finding out what how you can make it work for you. So hopefully uh that answered uh question number two. Uh, another excellent question. Um question three. This is a good one, just a real good one. Uh I know that this comes from uh a clinician buddy of mine. Uh, since starting the show, what has been the biggest hurdle, if any? Oh, the biggest hurdle has probably been cutting through the bullshit. You know, cutting through the noise without being becoming part of it. You know, I think uh starting this thing out. Um, the biggest thing that I wanted to kind of prove was that I wasn't gonna come become part of the noise. Um, and that is that is the balance. It's been very difficult to to navigate, to be honest with you. Um you know, there's a lot of talking within the first respondent wellness space, uh, the podcast, social media, leadership spaces, peer support, all of it. Everybody, there's a talking head in every one of those spaces, or multiple talking heads. Uh, there's a lot of messaging, uh, a lot of branding. We we we we've talked about that, um, and a lot of safe language. And I think the safe language portion kind of sets me apart. You know, I'm not polished, I'm not one of these guys that is gonna throw a bunch of buzzwords at you and pretend that I'm something that I'm not. But what I'm trying to do is make sure that what I say lands in a way that makes people uncomfortable. And if you're uncomfortable, then I want you to take a step back and go, why is what Rich is saying making me uncomfortable? Because if it's making you uncomfortable, it goes right back to that first question. Goes right back to the ego. Have you allowed your unhealthy side to kind of gear where you stand within this space? Have you allowed your unhealthy side to kind of guide what your messaging is going to be? And, you know, a lot of people will say, oh, it's just a lot of bunch of negativity. It's it's it's very negative, it's very negative. No, no, no, no. There's a difference between negativity and there's a difference between truth, and we we had a whole episode on that. What I'm saying is what is happening in agencies throughout the country. There's no denying it. There's no denying it. It's not just me going on rants. There's actual research behind how much organizational betrayal has an impact on folks in public safety. There's actual research on how much uh family silence has everything to do with uh poor relationships and communication at home. There's research on complacency, there's research on performative wellness, there's research on just about anything. So it's not just rich coming up here and spouting off at the mouth. Um and I and I can kind of get why people want to kind of stay in the lane. Because at the end of the day, comfort is mocketable. You know, truth can get very complicated at times. And there is a real cost to that. You know, there is, you know, the initial uh spike because oh, there's a new, there's a new new person in the space, and he's making a lot of noise and he's saying a lot of the things that people need to hear and wish that they could hear. And man, I wish I wasn't working in in my agency because I I I believe in what you're saying. Okay. But at the end of the day, like my phone's not ringing, nobody's dropping, dropping emails, wondering where I'm gonna be next talking, because nobody wants to hear the truth. And I think that that is that is that is where that cost is, and uh not like I'm out there promoting, like I've kind of put myself out there a little bit when it came to this the seven deadly sins and and and eight agencies uh that wanted to hear uh not only the the issues, but uh also some of the solutions as to how we can how we can do better. Um but I think that that's where the tension lies. I think that that is where you got somebody out here that has seen what's going on behind the curtain and is starting to kind of expose it a little bit, just here and there, just bits and pieces, no names, no faces. But if you are bothered by it, take a look in the mirror, take a hard look in the mirror. Um, but I mean the same thing can be said about the culture too. When somebody stands up for themselves and somebody says this isn't right, when somebody says, you know, we're we're we're we're doing things uh the way we've always done them and it's not working, the same thing kind of happens to them. Same thing kind of happens to them. And you know, uh you heard it in episode 10 that you know we we have a tendency of falling right back into that comfort zone, into what worked when I was with my agency, and we try to we try to mimic that in the wellness space. Um and I think when it comes to this particular venture, um the moment you say things plainly, people start sorting your message through their filters. Some people appreciate it, some people get uncomfortable, like I said. Uh some people hear themselves in it and they don't fucking like it at all. Um, some people decide honesty is negativity because truth became too close to to something and they're protecting it. Like whatever I'm saying is gotten really, really close to what is what they're doing, or what they're saying, or what they're trying to do, and they're trying to protect that. They're trying to say, uh this person's too much, you know, and we we've talked about that at length. Um and I get it. That's that's gonna be part of it. That's gonna be part of the reset, that's gonna be part of why the podcast exists. I get it. Um the challenge is not just getting the pushback though, uh, it's making sure I don't kind of slowly drift into that same thing that I've been criticizing. Um and to be honest with you, that can happen easier than what most people think. You know, you stop paying attention to the likes a little bit more, you stop paying attention to the algorithm, you stop paying attention to what's getting what, and and you start noticing what kind of kind of gets the spike. Um, you start realizing that that certain tones bring in certain people so slowly, if you're not careful, which I I've I've towed the line, I'll be honest. I've towed the line for sure. You've been shaping that message about around the responses that you get. Um, and unfortunately, that's the trap. You know, uh I I've tried to maintain the exact same uh across the board. Um, and what what's funny is you know, some some folks say, oh, you maybe you need to add a little bit more positivity to what you're saying. Well, I didn't lead with positivity. I never led this thing, like I said, to be liked or anything like that. It was it was really more of along the lines of what's really going on in the space, what's really going on behind the curtain. And and I've had to watch myself real closely over the past couple weeks because I've realized that no one's above that drift. No one's above, you know, kind of falling into that trap. Um and the thing is, if you build anything public, there's always pressure to package it just a little bit softer, um, a little bit more digestible, and obviously, you know, to make sure that it's a little bit for everybody. But unfortunately, some truths have to have the edges that they have. And not because I'm being cruel, it's because it's real. Like the shit that I'm talking about is real, like there's no hiding it. Uh, there's no hiding the DMs that say, God, you're in my head. God, I say this every day. I have this conversation with my with my with my boys every day. I think the other message that I can kind of lean into or barrier that that that that you're asking about is is not allowing it to become an image. Not allowing it to become this person that I'm not. And you know, that that that's also been, you know, something I try to stay anchored in. I try to stay anchored into being the person uh outside the cameras and outside the podcasts and outside uh the posts or the reels or anything like that. Anyone that's ever met me in person knows that I'm the same person, regardless if there's a camera or or not. Uh you see what you see is what you get. And sometimes that gets me in trouble. Um and and and that's okay. Uh like I said from the get-go, some people aren't gonna like this. Uh, they didn't like it before the cameras, they didn't like it when I was putting it in writing. They they and those are the people that that need to take a hard look in the mirror and go, maybe I need to make some changes. Maybe it's resonating with me because he's talking about me. And you know, I I think that this hurdle uh that you're asking me about, uh it's not something that is made up. These are all real things that I think about every time I I log into one of the platforms and decide to put something out into the ether. Um the answer is simple, though. And the more I sit with it and the more I think about it, I just gotta stay honest and I have to stay grounded. And I can't let the platform turn me into a polished version because then I become the same problem that I'm talking about. So it's a fine line, fine line. Great question, by the way. I think that that was some sort of uh psychoanalysis that that you wanted from me, and I can appreciate that. And I kind of want to end with uh it's a tough question. It's a very tough question. Um gentleman that I've that I've grown uh to know through through Instagram. Uh he's been with HSI for about 18 years and medically can't keep doing the job, even though his brain and his mind is telling him to keep keep keep it moving, keep moving forward. Um but it's not just a job question. It's a it's an identity question, it's a grief question, and it's a purpose question, all kind of wrapped up into one thing. And I think a lot of people misunderstand how hard this kind of thing really is, especially when it's not your choice. See, when people talk about retirement injury, being medically separated, or being forced out, uh, losing the ability to kind of serve in the capacity that we've been serving, uh, they often talk about like the logistics of it, right? The money, the benefits, paperwork, what's next, what what are you gonna do? What what what do your finances look like? Uh different career options, um, and all that it matters. Don't get me wrong. It matters. But the deepest part of it is you didn't just do the job, you became it. And that role shaped your routines, it shaped your relationships, it shaped your sense of usefulness, uh, your self-image, your language, all the things. You know, the way people see you, uh, the way people even interact with you. Um, and when something like your profession gets ripped away from you, specifically for medical reasons, it can kind of feel like somebody ripped out more than your profession. It kind of feels like they've ripped out your place, uh, your relevance, your name. And it feels, and if it feels like that, uh you're not weak for feeling that way. Because uh at the end of the day, you're human, and that loss is real. That loss is real. Uh, I think one of the worst things that people do in moments like this is we rushed with some version of positivity that skips over grief, you know. The hey, you're you're you're you're great at what you do, you'll find something, you you'll you'll do great things. And I think we kind of skip over the fact that losing a big part of yourself or your big part of your identity, you you fall into grief. You fall into that that pattern of grief. Um, and you know, I think for this person, if you're and it sounds like you're in it right now, uh, what you're probably feeling is that loss or anger or frustration uh or disbelief that you know at a young age you're you're kind of being forced away from the work that you've grown to love and and really gave you purpose. Um and that has to be acknowledged. You can't just suppress it, you can't just kind of tuck it away and hope that you know, once you're retired or or separated, that it's gonna go away. Uh that's just not gonna, it's just not gonna happen. And you can't bury it under motivational language. Um so I guess my first advice would be let yourself be truth about it. Like be truthful about it. Like don't don't don't sugarcoat it. Like, hey, it sucks. It sucks not being able to do the things you were once able to do. It does, it's horrible. And you have to be okay about that. You have to be okay about that, but you also can be grateful for the career that you've had. But you could also still be angry that it had to end like this, if that makes sense. You know, that's a weird dichotomy, right? You know, be grateful, but also be angry. Um, but don't let that anger win. Like, like try to balance out what what what are you grateful that your that your career gave you. Um yeah, you can kind of measure yourself up against other people, and other people may have it worse than you, and you may be able to kind of measure your like I said, measure yourself up against somebody else that that may have it worse than you, but that doesn't give you a uh a pass to not kind of grieve uh what it is that you're losing. So you we everything kind of falls back into the that one word balance. Um you have to be able to realize that the job was just a vehicle. And you're probably wondering, what the hell is Rich talking about? The job is just a vehicle and and not the source. See, like you're the source, your your your productivity is the source, your your your sense of purpose is the source, your ability or or or abilities are the source. The job just gave you the ability to showcase what you're what you're capable of. You see, you know what made you good didn't come from a uniform, it didn't come from a badge, it didn't come from work ethic or anything like that. All you've done is change roles. You still have the same patterns, you still have the same work ethic, you still have the same instincts and discipline and courage and pattern recognition. You still carry those things. Just because your role disappeared doesn't mean that you value dead. And I think that that's where a lot of us kind of get stuck, whether it's retirement, whether it's medically separating, or or being just pulled away from the job that we've we've kind of grown into, is that we have this this this ability to get stuck in that spot. Uh nothing feels the same, nothing comes, that that adrenaline dump doesn't come the same. Uh nothing has that same weight of the identity that that we've created. And that's understandable. But it's also a trap. It's also a trap. Because if you only allow yourself to honor forms of purpose that are like tangible because you you kind of feel uh you feel identical to that role that you lost, you you've you've lost. You're gonna stay trapped in that grief much longer than necessary. Um I guess one of the bigger questions that I'll ask back is how do those 18 years still serve something? Not how to not not how do I get my old life back? Uh, not how do I recreate that same exact feeling? Not how do I, you know, figure out how I can take my 18 years of service and package it into something that that I can still feel that identity to. But how did the years, the experience, the pain, the lessons, and perspective still matter now? See, the answer to this looks a little bit different to everybody. Maybe it's mentoring, maybe it's training, maybe it's policy development, maybe it's peer support, maybe it's advocacy, maybe it's supporting younger people coming up behind you. Maybe it has nothing to do with the law enforcement community at all. And everything to do with finally building a life that does not require you to prove your worth through service in the same way. But it has to be intentional. Because, you know, when your career ends on terms you didn't choose, one of the biggest risks is that that drift that I that I talked about in one of the earlier answers. You kind of find yourself floating, and you've heard me use this, and I'll continue to use it because it's such a great analogy. You go from the 150 miles an hour of running and gunning and doing the things that kind of built this identity, and then you find yourself folding laundry in your living room and wondering why things aren't the same anymore, and why you can't find that purpose anymore. And the biggest thing that I can tell you is not to isolate. Unfortunately, this is where a lot of people disappear. That pride kicks in, that ego, that unhealthy ego steps up. People stop talking, they stop answering calls, they they they don't want to be the guy who could not keep doing it. They they they they don't want the pity. They don't want to explain themselves. So they pull back, and that's dangerous. Because unfortunately, that's where. That isolation lies. Um, it tells you that no one gets it. It tells you that the best party of you is over, and it tells you that there's no point in staying connected because that role that you bonded with with others is gone. And none of that's true. You gotta stay around people that understand transition. You gotta stay around people who can let you be honest without forcing fake positivity out of you. Or even on you. Because we see that. You gotta stay around people who can remind you that losing your role is not the same as losing all of its usefulness. You see, don't don't don't stick around waiting for everybody around you to tell you that you need something to do. Find that something. The career may be ending, and the role may be ending, and that version of service may be ending. But purpose is a bigger assignment. And take it from somebody that has has found this purpose, almost four years being retired. Um if you gave those 18 years, those 18 years still mean something. It's not just a memory, it's not, you know, it's not just something that you once did. It's it's material. It's it's it gives you perspective and it gives you the weight you now know how to carry in a way that other people need to see. You're not done. You're just being forced to pivot. And you know, we can look back on those 18 years and and how many times have you been forced to pivot? And while it was tough and while it sucked at in the moment, you pivoted and you made it work. And and this is unfortunately what we need to do. We need to do the exact same thing. So those are the questions for today, and they were some great ones. Um what I like about these is the ability to kind of connect with with the audience. It's kind of it's kind of cool to kind of connect and and make it about uh the people that are that are literally keeping me honest and keeping me motivated to to to do this. Um how much of who I am is is tied to what I do. Like I want you to think about that for a second. How much of who I am is tied to what I do? I I I'd like to say that it isn't as strong as it used to be. Um, I I really, really got into the whole wellness space needing this sense of purpose uh that this person was talking about and and learning how to move on from something. Um but it is through these kind of connections and through this type of back and forth. And so I'm gonna be doing this QA thing uh more often. Um I'm definitely going to be reaching out more often to kind of get what the audience wants to hear my perspective on. Um I because I think it's important. I think it's important to to have those connections, have those people that are agreeing with you and and and kind of in the same mindset of view. Because yeah, I can sit up here and I can talk about the things and from from afar, uh the audience can can like it and can share it and kind of uh put put the message out there, but I need it to be your message as well. And and that is where uh the idea of this kind of came into play. Uh, if you want to hear more, like I said, uh you guys know where to find me. It's it's uh I'm on I'm on Instagram, I'm on TikTok, uh you can go to the website www.thheresponderreset.org. You could find me at www.lighthousehw.org. Um I'm not hard to find. Um drop me drop me an email, drop me uh, drop me a DM. Let's let's let's have a conversation. Let's have a uh a conversation about what's going on with you, some of the things that you've experienced, so then I can take those experiences and and give it the platform that it deserves. Uh once again, thank you again uh for your support. We'll see you next time. Stay safe. The Respond to Reset Podcast is built by Lighthouse Health and Wellness for and by the people doing the work. If this hit home, pass it on. If you're carrying the weight, don't do it by yourself. Until next time, shift the mindset, change the outcome.