Episode 124: Stickhandling

A new episode with Jordan Schmaltz & Gage Ausmus.

This week the fellas get into: 

- We ran into the moon with a rocket ship?

- Petting Zoo idea

- Bring Football Back

- Auzzo Run Club

- People's Insider Term of the Week

 && much more !!

Presented by:

@butter.golf

@minnemovers

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Alrighty, folks, welcome back to another episode, baby, of Live and Five, episode 124. By the time your chins and ears hear this, it'll be August 7th. Ozzo, you're leaking a little bit of oil. And we, I don't know if you saw it. We ran into the moon with a Falcon 9, some sort of rocket. Uh, I don't know if you saw it. The SpaceX rocket crashed into the side of the moon, I believe. Yeah, it uh at about 5,400 miles an hour. So I don't know if you saw that, but I've been kind of just tracking this because I've been doing literally nothing besides trying to work down here and it's 115 degrees.

SPEAKER_00 0:42

Was that on purpose?

SPEAKER_01 0:44

No, no, it was not. Um, oh no, yeah, and we we came into it with some speed. I and I don't know how the axis of the moon works in in relation to a rocket going into space. That's uh that's a little bit out of my uh repertoire in terms of just usually sending on a about 150 character tweet. Uh, but yeah, that's uh I'm looking at it right now, dude. Uh this is crazy.

SPEAKER_00 1:10

No one saw 5,400 miles per hour.

SPEAKER_01 1:13

Yes. And it was early Wednesday. So I saw the news just because I was checking my weather app. I'm like, fella, is there really gonna be another day of 115 here in AZ? And I was checking it, and then the first thing that popped up, minus the dust storm that was going on, was this rocket that was literally about to crash into the side of the moon. They had predicted it for Wednesday morning, and it ended up happening. Like people in Chile, I guess, could spot it through a telescope. No one saw it, I don't think, in the US, just based on the angle. Life's about angles, we know that. But yeah, this this rocket just dummied the moon, and I guess it was like a 16-foot deep, and it's estimated to be 89 feet across the crater it created. So we literally dented the moon with this SpaceX Falcon. I don't know if thanks, Elon, or Biden, but yeah, pretty crazy. Like, obviously, nobody was in it, but still nuts.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

That's nuts because I think the reason they're doing that stuff is they're trying to land someone on the moon again, right? They're trying to recreate the the Neil Armstrong, yeah. The pitcher in New Mexico and Buzz Aldrin, yeah. Like, so that's that's gonna make the astronauts that that plan on landing on the moon again a little nervous.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

Did we even go to the moon though? I think that picture was just taken in New Mexico. I I don't even know if we went like Oswald if we can't even land a a SpaceX Falcon created in 2025 or 2026 in modern times without it crashing into the side, how do we do that in the 1960s with you know Lance Armstrong, Louis Armstrong, and Doug Armstrong? Yeah, all the Armstrongs. How do we do that?

SPEAKER_00 2:54

I I I I always wonder that's one of my favorite conspiracy theories because it does make sense, right? Like we had the technology to get through this radiation barrier and then somehow land on the moon, take a couple pictures and fly back home with ease back in what 19? I don't even know what year it was, 69 or something.

SPEAKER_01 3:14

Yeah, something like that.

SPEAKER_00 3:15

Um and now we can't figure it out. I can't decide if I believe it or not, Jordo, because the amount of I don't know, confidentiality and the amount of people that would have known that it was faked or staged, how does that not get out? That in itself would be crazier than landing on the moon, that not leaking to anyone, you know. I suppose they didn't have like cancer. No internet though, yeah, no internet, so a little easier to pull off. But then you can also look back, you know, how the fuck did they build the the pyramids? We can't do that today.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

No, I mean, we we can barely build a bear, uh build a bear, let alone. I mean, I if you gave me a box of Legos meant for a six-year-old, there's no way I could put that together. Like, that's one of the reasons why I avoid IKEA because there's just no way I could even put a side table together with four steps. So, yeah, I I don't know, or even just the the commitment it took to to build the Great Wall of China. Like, at some point, why don't you guys just fucking quit? At some point, this isn't even gonna matter anymore. The war is gonna be over. It took you almost, whatever, a thousand years to build this wall. By the time this wall is built, everyone in Mongolia is friends with you. You're all boys.

SPEAKER_00 4:28

We're friendly now. You can stop building the wall. Well, we might as well finish it. We're just gonna keep going. We might as well at this point, but yeah, there's no point to it now. It's just that it's a tourist attraction, I guess. Um, thanks to the boys who you you know gave their lives centuries ago to start building this thing, but now it's not needed, it's kind of just an attraction, it's cool in pictures, right?

SPEAKER_01 4:49

Like for the last thousand years, while this wall was being built, there's been so many dudes that were working on this wall that have hooked up with chicks on this other side. Now we're all just related, so now it's second generation wall people for talking, you know, Mongolian in China. It doesn't even matter because we're all friends now, we're all family. Fuck we're not even friends, we're family. What does it matter?

SPEAKER_00 5:12

They got doors going through the thing, you know. Like, yeah, the founding fathers are rolling in their grave. They're like, I mean, I fucking died building this wall, and you guys just put a door in it, yeah, and you're just walking right through it.

SPEAKER_01 5:26

We literally spent thousands of years building this entire wall, and all of a sudden there's things on wheels where we can just drive around it. What's the point of this? But yeah, I don't know, man. I I go back and forth with the moon stuff. I I would say it's fishy, yeah. If there's seven days in a week, like four days a week, man. I'm thinking they probably didn't go, and three, I'm thinking, like, fuck yeah, America, we went, we beat Russia there, we beat all these countries. This was not even this was bigger than landing on the moon. This is to you know show communism that we're the alphas. Have you ever that's the only reason?

SPEAKER_00 5:58

Have you ever asked like uh like a 60-year-old about it, Doroto? Like what they think they get oh, of course, they get oh yeah. Well, yeah, because they're like, No, I fucking watched that, I saw that that's real.

SPEAKER_01 6:11

The the pictures and the in just the images coming across your TV back in the day are hilarious, like you literally could have staged it in a Hollywood set, which they might have done, but you go back to that time in the propaganda level of what people actually believe, people believed anything that came through the TV because that was their Bible of visual scripture. This was you know, you had obviously the the written scripture, and this was the visual, like this for the first time you could actually see things, so there is no way that they're not gonna take that at face value, right? It just they're not, and back in those days, you had like three channels, and two of them were the news. Maybe all three were. Oh, yeah, yeah, I think all three were the news, and then maybe you had no, but you probably got the weather on the news, so yeah, they're just news channels, and like during the day, you maybe see one baseball game that whether it was the Atlanta Braves or the Cubs, or back in those days it might have been like the Yankees, or who knows? But no internet, no way of communication in terms of other than a landline that you would maybe call your relatives once a month if you're lucky, you know, just could based on the price of what it was. So theoretically, if you wanted to stage that, I mean who's to say? No one's gonna call you out.

SPEAKER_00 7:28

The more impressive part is if they did, how does it not leak? That's what because everything like that leaks, you'd think. And there has to be so many people involved. Like, you'd think there had to be people building the rockets and then people like sending them up there. But yeah, it's it's it's hilarious talking with an old person who just but I will say back in the day, you know, the news kind of did just tell the truth, like they just like reported the news. Like, this is what happened. There was no like trying to get your side across and trying to look make one other side look bad. Those news guys back in the day, they just they gave it to you straight. They're like, Hey boys, here's what happened. You can think whatever you want about it, but this is what happened, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

And obviously, both sides were closer to the middle at that point. You know what's funny? Uh speaking of staged, and we're just talking about things that are staged. You remember it was so funny. We were that round of golf, the one day we played, we were boozing a little bit at Chaska Town Course. Rhett Gardner had the genius idea to stage a hole in one, and it was so funny because he thought it was so funny that like he wanted I forget what hole it is, it's five or six, one of those holes. But he was so pumped to stage the hole in one that like he's walking up to the green and we're filming them, and he's like looking around, like looking at people, and he you know does the old one-leg kick that's like warrior three. If you're doing a yoga post, picks it out of the cup, and he's like having us take shots from every angle of him staging a hole in one with holding the one up. It was all time.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

So good. Oh man, I saw I saw like an influencer do that, and he it got it got traction. I got a lot of likes. People thought it was hilarious. So, yeah, whoever that guy is, Rhett Gardner did it first. And he was hilarious.

SPEAKER_01 9:12

That was so funny. I don't know if I still have the pictures on my phone, but I like we were literally at one point, like I think he was that's back when he had social media. I think he was thinking about putting it on Instagram, but he didn't end up doing it. Uh, when he came to grips the next day, he's like, probably shouldn't just stage a hole in one. But we sent it to all the group chats. That reminds me, Ozo, back in the day. Actually, I have a hole in one. Thank you very much. Not a very good golfer anymore. Never was, but really not any good anymore. Pleasant View Lakes Course, number five, 150 yards uphill, five iron. I was like 12 years old, got a hole in one. But like two years later, one of my brother's buddies, and I'm not going to say any names, AJ Gullickson, goes to Pleasant View Golf Course in Middleton, Wisconsin, plays that same track, hole number five. They have three nines, and one of them is the lakeside. And that fifth hole is again uphill, and he shanks his first shot off the T, right? Like to the point where it's out of bounds. So theoretically, and by the book, you are done at that point. You're gonna be you're hitting three off the T. So he re-Ts and he dunks it for a hole in three. But he has his dad call into the paper because that was back when, like, you would you know submit your hole in one to the course, they'd put it in the paper, you get your name in there. He submitted it as a hole in one, but it was a hole in three, so it's like, dude, that's not a hole in one, bro. Like, you literally put one out to the parking lot on your first shot.

SPEAKER_00 10:37

You can't count that. I know it sucks. Yeah, that's why it sucks teeing re-teeing from the T box in a par three because you know if it goes in, you can't count it. I can't believe you did that. It's like playing a par three course, Jordo, and you get a hole in one. Does that count? Like, no, no, it doesn't count. No, no, it doesn't either does a simulator hole in one, none of that counts. You gotta be playing an 18-hole course, normal course, and and dunk one on on a real health.

SPEAKER_01 11:04

And and they and they do say that technically, if you only play nine, it doesn't count either.

SPEAKER_00 11:09

Really?

SPEAKER_01 11:10

Yeah, yeah, it has to be a full round for it to count as a I mean, I I think at that point you you probably count it, and you like to think you're probably playing 18 because you're feeling pretty good, but yeah, it's uh it's yep, it's it's 18 holes, no bullshit, not a nine-hole double looper, it's gotta be 18 um for an official hole in one. But dude, think about that. Like, I get it, you're a kid, right? Like he was probably about that age, too, like 12 years old. But to go to the clubhouse and submit your hole in one, which was a hole in three, and then have it reported to the paper. I mean, fella, come on, you're old enough to know. I remember Nick like coming back home, he was like, Yeah, like he's like submitted. He like went to the clubhouse and said he made a hole in one, it was a fucking hole in three. It's like, dude, that doesn't count. Good par, good par, though. Good par, fella. Good par really good, all world par.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

Oh fuck, that's hilarious. I can't believe how can you live with yourself? I don't care how old you are.

SPEAKER_01 12:09

I know.

SPEAKER_00 12:10

Um you just can't be walking around telling people that there's there's certain hole in ones, you know, too. Like, I know there's a guy in Grand Forks, he's playing Lincoln, and one of the part threes is downhill, Jordo. I think I can't remember what hole it is, I haven't played there in a while. But he topped his he topped his shot and it like just ran down the hill and rolled in the hole. No way, it's like you can't even really count that either. No, you tell people like, yeah, I got a hole in one, but you're not like walking around proud about it.

SPEAKER_01 12:40

Yep, no, you can't. I yeah, that's tough. Like the grounder, like the old skull, you blade one and it goes in.

SPEAKER_00 12:47

You tap it and it just rolls down the hill and in, like, yeah, I know that's tough.

SPEAKER_01 12:51

I mean, technically, that's more legit than a hole in three, a lot more, right?

SPEAKER_00 12:56

It's but it's still kind of one, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:58

It is, it's dust, but it is a one.

SPEAKER_00 13:00

It's a one, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:01

That's I don't know if I've told the story on here before, but I've told it numerous times. That's I think this is actually harder. My dad got a hole in one on the wrong hole. No, yeah, so he he he was teeing off at the Phoenician, which is hole number 14 on the backside in Scottsdale here. So he's teeing off and he blocks one out right, and just behind, like you know, probably 220 yards out straight right, is the first is the 10th green. So he blocks one out to like the 10th green, which is 220 yards again out in the fairway, just to the right of the 14th fairway. And we get up, and I see it obviously because it's not hit that far. I'm like, dude, that might be on the fucking 10th green, like it's close, it either on the fringe or in one of those greenside bunkers. We get up there, and there's a group on the green. We're like, You guys, uh, you guys see a nugget fly over here? They're like, Yeah, it's in the cup. And we I thought they were joking, and they're like, No, it's uh it's in the cup. Check the cup. I go, check the cup. The ball is in the hole. You got a hole in one on the wrong hole, dude. What is the actual ruling for all the golf junkies out there? What is the ruling? Because you can't, is it a penalty stroke to take it out?

SPEAKER_00 14:13

You can't hit it out of the cup, it's like an out of bounds, but it's in play.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

There's no red stakes or white stakes.

SPEAKER_00 14:18

Yeah, it's man-made. So what are you doing? You're just gonna drop out of there. You just got hit from the green.

SPEAKER_01 14:23

So, what do you do you laterally drop it? No closer point to the hole you're playing, but it has to be on the fringe, right? You can't hit it on the green, yeah. Dude, it was all time. It was all time. I'm like, bro, that's actually harder to do than getting a real hole in one. Like, think about 220 yards. Oh man, I was pissed in my pants. I couldn't believe it. That was one of the funniest things I've I've ever experienced.

SPEAKER_00 14:52

How'd the boys on the green feel about it? Were they dying laughing too?

SPEAKER_01 14:55

Or dying laughing, man, because it like you know came up from like straight right of them and just like peeled into a mid-green, like, you know, like right. It was like a the pin was like right in the middle of the green, like yeah, and it just peeled in there, and you know, it kind of like they were all kind of like like one guy was like, you know, at the time, probably like out in the fairway chipping from 30 out. There was a couple of guys up by the green, and I think they literally just saw it as they were walking to their nuggets on the green to this ball that is just pin seeking on the wrong hole. So, yeah, that was that was all time. Um, but Ozo, I wanted to ask you, I my building for whatever reason is always a target for break-ins, even though there's a garage in here that is locked and obviously has like car break-ins, car break-ins, yeah. For whatever reason, car break-ins in Scottsdale are huge, like where these guys come in on with shisties, and I assume you know they're gang affiliated.

SPEAKER_00 15:50

They're professionals, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:51

There's professionals, like, there's been like they've they've caught like this group of people in Old Town at this apartment complex or con condo complex one time where they like literally had like AR-15s and they were just jacking cars. So, this dude I just saw as I was getting back, he's like, Hey, like what uh what floor are you parked on? I'm like, I gave him the you know the number, whatever. He's like, Whoo, you know, be careful. Go make sure you go check your car and see what's going on. I'm like, Why? What's up? He's like, Well, I just got my car jacked. They stole a bunch of stuff. I had a bunch of credit cards in there. They had charged like $15,000 already in stuff. That he's like, the police are on the way, and you know, we have a picture of him. He showed me the picture of the dude, you know, kind of like a Hispanic-looking guy, tattoos. But like the guy was so dumb that robbed this guy's car, and apparently he had left his F-150. I think he just was driving a Raptor. So he, you know, the guy, whatever, he's like, But there's like, you know, there's nicer cars than that around this lot. Um he's like, they really went after my car. He's like, but the guy was so dumb that he ended up leaving his phone like on the inside dash of my car. So he stole a bunch of credit cards, he stole this bag out of there, but the dude left his phone in there. So he said this morning, it was like happened at like four in the morning, he said. And he goes down there at like five or six. I think he went down there at like six, and he sees that his bag's missing. But as he's opening his car door on the driver's side, he sees there's a phone there, and like an hour later, it rings and he answers it, and he's like, Hello, and the person immediately hangs up. And then he said, by the time that he had hung up, 30 seconds later, the phone was completely wiped. Like the yeah, they had just wiped it from some other spot. You can do that, yeah. So they just wiped it off the cloud, but he had like uh a $1,500 charge from Walmart. He said that these guys charge like DoorDash for $300. Safeway, which is a grocery store, is another like three grand. Like, he's like, How do you spend three grand at eight in the morning at Safeway? Like, these guys are professionals, but he showed me the picture of the dude. The the police were on the way. Like, how dumb do you gotta be to be jacking stuff out of cars in a lot that you know is heavily filled with cameras? Like, it's like you're gonna get caught, no? Like, yeah, I guess unless you just don't care if you do, or you're like, I mean, politely, like an illegal immigrant where they don't have any like info on you, or they like can't see who you are, or I mean, you're did he leave his car open, or did they did they break windows? No, they he he left it open, he said, because he had a bunch of shit in his hand, he was on the phone when he was getting back, and he just it's like the one day I didn't that's almost the play, though.

SPEAKER_00 18:34

Like, if you're living in South Minneapolis right now, they they deal with that stuff, and if you lock your door, you're gonna have broken windows, yeah. So, like, it's almost best to just leave it open and take everything out of there, right? Yeah, then they just open the door, notice there's nothing there, and just close it.

SPEAKER_01 18:52

Yeah, yeah, that's what I was doing in San Antonio when my car got broken into my F-150. I think it was three times in four weeks, they were just breaking the window every time, and then I had nothing in it, and they wouldn't take anything, it was just a bunch of crackheads. And same thing, like a couple times it happened in a lot that was gated, and just what can you do? But you're right, you just leave it open because all they're looking for is cash or credit cards. If you don't have anything like that, they're not gonna take it.

SPEAKER_00 19:18

No, and if you sometimes if you lock the door, they'll just fucking break the window, and then it's more of a hassle. Yeah, god damn, that's yeah, that sucks dealing with that shit. It's like I think not that I know anything about whatever, you know, punishment and consequences. I don't know what's best, but it's like these people who do it in Minneapolis, Jordo, like they they get arrested when they get caught, and then they just get let right out.

SPEAKER_01 19:46

Oh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:47

It's like okay, well, all these other car thieves see that and they're like, Oh, this is the the punishment for the crime. Just go to jail for a night and then I get let out. Oh yeah, you're like why the fuck wouldn't I just go steal cars and and break into cars?

SPEAKER_01 20:02

Like Yeah, I mean you get a free meal, you get a place to stay, you take a shit and uh you know, somewhere with running water and you're you're back on the street.

SPEAKER_00 20:09

No, if you if if if the the law system or the you know the judicial judicial system cracked down and they're like, all right, if if you get caught stealing from a car and we catch you red-handed, we're we're chopping off your hand.

SPEAKER_01 20:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:24

You probably don't have you probably don't have as many car thieves.

SPEAKER_01 20:28

No, or we're taking a couple fingers.

SPEAKER_00 20:30

Yeah, like uh we're taking something.

SPEAKER_01 20:33

Right. It well, I mean, that's how that guy in Madison, Wisconsin ended up dying because of a police chase. That Corey Ruiz guy, 40 prior arrest. 40 prior arrests to the point where the cop ended up, you know, shooting him. We don't have to get into that side of the things, but if you get arrested 40 times, man, doing criminal activity, there's gotta be some type of number. We're like, okay you know, just just playing the percentages here. You're you're probably gonna end up on the wrong side of one of these altercations, especially when you're fleeing from police, resisting arrest. Fella, like respectfully, what do you think's gonna happen? I don't, I mean, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 21:16

He probably thought that's what would happen. He probably didn't care, it's just the uh people on the outside. Yeah, it's like there should be a a limit. Okay, if you get arrested 10 times, like I've always liked the idea because it's expensive to put these guys in prison, you know? It's like you gotta feed them, yeah, you gotta have fucking power and electricity in these buildings, and you gotta hire people to manage them. Why don't we just send them off to Epstein's Island where they can just live out the rest of their days?

SPEAKER_01 21:43

That's what I was doing.

SPEAKER_00 21:46

We didn't kill you, but here you go. You can live here because you can't live with civilization. Good luck.

SPEAKER_01 21:52

Yeah, that was my that was my thing. I I know it might sound like harsh to the people that are like tree huggers and things like that, but I've always had this idea like where people That don't want to help themselves, and people that are criminals, like homeless people that literally don't want to help themselves, that are roaming the streets and causing mischief, and also criminals. Either it's an island like that, or we we got some spots, you know, even stateside where we got some land here in New Mexico and some of these states. Why don't we just go full petting zoo? You know, where you you just it's like this big area where everyone that is up to no good can hang out, you know. You you go in there and you're just you're not a zoo animal, but you're that's basically how these people live, anyways. So why not just congregate them together and you know put them in a fucking petting zoo?

SPEAKER_00 22:42

Build a great wall, yeah, and Yellowstone or somewhere, and just toss outside of Albuquerque, yeah. Somewhere they they you know, and then see what it's up to them at that point. You know, they could start building shit if they want to, yeah. But yeah, you just feel like something like that for especially the people who get caught red-handed or get caught doing dumbass shit ten plus times. Like I get there are bad there's young kids who make a couple mistakes, maybe two or three times, you know, and then they can turn their life around. So you don't wanna you don't wanna send those guys to uh wherever Epstein Island or fucking our our little gated community, yeah, residential. But if you get arrested ten times, it's like all right, you clearly you you don't belong with civilization, right?

SPEAKER_01 23:34

You you at this point you clearly haven't learned any lesson, let alone one or two or ten lessons. You know, it's like every time you step outside, which you probably are outside to begin with, you're a threat to society, and that's dangerous. The most dangerous person and people in the world are people that don't even care about themselves.

SPEAKER_00 23:56

Correct.

SPEAKER_01 23:57

That's a scary person where they go out there and they don't give a shit what happens, including what happens to themselves. Now that is a dangerous and spooky person on the streets, and there's tons of those people out there. Yeah, I don't know what you do, man. Because I I just don't know how you just keep letting these people out there, you know. I don't know. I it's it seems like it should be an easier fix than than what we got going on now.

SPEAKER_00 24:21

It does seem like a simple solution, but for whatever reason, our leaders aren't they they they have no interest in doing that. Yeah. So who knows? Maybe they're smarter than us. I don't study it, but it just seems like a simple solution from the outside.

SPEAKER_01 24:37

Yeah, or uh uh there needs to be a uh the the return to play protocol's gotta be a little bit better, a little bit uh it's gotta be some more steps in process here. I mean, they barely even let you get a hit in the head these days, it's harder to get back on the field than some of these fucking people that are holding up a 7-Eleven and almost killing somebody. You know what I mean? Their return to play protocol is like three hours, dude. I got a concussion on a Friday. I'm lucky to play the next Friday.

SPEAKER_00 25:02

Oh, Gary Beckman will sit you out if you cross-check a guy over the head.

SPEAKER_01 25:06

Yeah, I mean, in the NFL, they even these days, dude, the Blue 10, you take a couple percocets, they don't even let you back out on the field. I mean, the games change, but not in criminal activity. The return to play program, man, people that's what people don't talk about is the return to play program as a criminal is the most lenient we have out there. Concussion, you're out for a week, maybe a month. You gotta do certain impact tests, you gotta test your eyes, you gotta test your balance, you gotta talk to this psychiatrist, make sure you're not depressed. Fuck, you go stab somebody on a Tuesday, man. You're back at the bar at on Friday, easily.

SPEAKER_00 25:40

Oh, easily nowadays. Yeah, that's a good point. I mean, you you're we've got more strict rules on a concussion come return to play than we do a stabbing.

SPEAKER_01 25:50

Oh fuck, does that crazy? That's crazy. Like, think about it, man. And if you're an NFL player, you know, to begin with, you probably stab someone anyway, so you might as well get a concussion, you know, just in case you don't really the NFL owners would rather have their players stab someone than a concussion. 100%, you're back quicker. Who's a dude on the uh the Chiefs? Rashi Rice, man. I love that guy, just can't stay off the dope.

SPEAKER_00 26:15

No, some of those guys they come from areas like that's their life, man. That's who they are, you know, and they're really fucking good at ball.

SPEAKER_01 26:23

So, yeah, love man. That's so good, dude. I can't wait for football. I don't know about you, like because you're busy. This is a probably a busy time for many movers and shit, but it's it's a little bit of a lull in show biz. I would say August is, and yeah, you really gotta keep the chin tucked. The best piece of advice I ever got, actually, from Mike Young was nothing is funny over 68 degrees.

SPEAKER_00 26:47

Really?

SPEAKER_01 26:48

Yeah, he's like comedy in the summer, comedy's a cold game, bro. He's like, he just always says, bro. He's like, comedy's a cold game, bro. And every comedian and every comedian I've talked to, other than the bigs of like Shane Gillis, nobody tours in the summer. They're like, nah, comedy's a cold sport. Nobody in the summer wants to be inside watching comedy. They want to be on the boat, they want to be on the lake, the ocean, vacation, Europe. Nobody's thinking about laughing, they don't need to be entertained. When they need to be entertained, is when they're a little bit mildly seasonal depressed, when they're coming back from work and it sucks and they need to laugh about something, they need an escape. Right now, their escape is outside. He's like, I remember when he told me that though. He's like, Hey, bro, I'm like, what? He's like, Nothing's funny over 68 degrees. I'm like, huh? He's like, Yeah, bro, you heard me. I'm like, all right, dude.

SPEAKER_00 27:32

That's unreal. No, I I I completely believe you.

SPEAKER_01 27:36

Yeah, so what I'm saying right now, and especially it's 115, double that. It's a little bit of a lull. Um, we got some contract stuff looming with not only missing curfew, but as well as uh, you know, the baby home by three.

SPEAKER_00 27:49

So I'm trying to get that order, so it's a little timeline, Jordo. Like yeah, like how long these things take like is it like six to eight weeks or something?

SPEAKER_01 27:59

Yeah, so we're up with Booket at the end of September. So ideally, you know, there's some things just with prize picks and book it that have to be just worked out with them, and then you know, obviously us coming into play under the book it umbrella. So I would say probably like right around like when our contract is technically up for a year, end of September, early October is kind of it, but you got to be kind of grinding at all angles, right? Because obviously, our intention is to sign with Bookett Sports, just like every athlete's intention is to sign with back with their team if they're happy, which we are. Yeah, but you never know, you got to cover your bases. So I'm just kind of kind of loosely shopping the show around, trying to get you know different avenues. We do, I think we'll come to terms with book it, but like I said, you never know, man.

SPEAKER_00 28:46

I mean, it's it's no and we do have interest out there too. Yeah, it's no offense to book it, but you need some competition there, 100%. You know, you just you just do it, it it'll get you a better result. And if there's a businessman at Book It, which I'm sure there is, he'll respect that. Uh yeah, it's good, but that's interesting.

SPEAKER_01 29:04

I know, so I'm just like trying to punch our numbers. We got the chinies coming out on Sunday, which is hilarious. This award show, dude. Our editors at HP3, these guys, these kids, they're unbelievable. And this is gonna be great. I mean, we got everything literally from porn stars to NHL players to we got obes featured on there, Ray Lewis.

SPEAKER_00 29:27

Do some cameos, you pay for some cameos, Antonio.

SPEAKER_01 29:30

We pay for two cameos from Antonio Brown and uh Ray Lewis.

SPEAKER_00 29:34

Unreal, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:35

So they they called in, and then we have the Kachuk brothers just doing it out of the goodness of their heart. Uh yeah, like I said, legitimately two porn stars. So we have an array of you know, beautiful ball girls to Olympians and oh, that's gonna be unreal.

SPEAKER_00 29:50

That's so that's always my favorite episode of Pardon My Take, Troto. They're takes, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:54

They just do it in-house, though, right? Yeah, yeah, they just do it like as a podcast.

SPEAKER_00 29:59

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:00

This one, like, is like we did it, we filmed it at a comedy club. Like, it legit looks that's nice, that's mini Oscars.

SPEAKER_00 30:06

That's the video I saw. That was real, hey, Gucci up there. Yes, oh, that's sick, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:11

And we give away 28, 29 awards. I mean, the the the awards are just outrageous. Yeah, they're they're they're outrageous, they're they're good. Um, but so that's that's coming out on Sunday. So, yeah, man, just just hanging out. I'm just like the dog days are real, like watching WMBA. Fuck, we need football to start, fella. That's what I'm trying to say.

SPEAKER_00 30:32

This is a tough time for sports. There's not really any golf on. No, there's it's basically baseball. Are you watching baseball right now? Like, no, I'm waiting until September.

SPEAKER_01 30:44

Yeah, because we have what the FedEx playoffs coming up here for golf.

SPEAKER_00 30:49

Yeah, I suppose that is coming up.

SPEAKER_01 30:50

That'll be coming up. I think that'll lead into East Lake, then US Open for tennis. But yeah, man, right now it's it's tough sled.

SPEAKER_00 30:59

There's not even really any UFC fights going on.

SPEAKER_01 31:02

No, there hasn't been. Yeah, and then especially coming off that hangover of World Cup when it was so good. I couldn't believe how many people were watching that. Non-traditionalist soccer people crazy. Fuck, throw me in that mix. I was dialed into that.

SPEAKER_00 31:16

Yeah, that that is such a big event. Like, it's it's easy to understand why people watch it too, because it's such a simple sport. Just throw down a ball and tell a bunch of guys to kick it around out there, and they're just magicians with their feet. Yeah, that's the amount of views when you look at like how many people are watching just a certain game, it's like triple or quadruple with people the amount of people that are watching the Super Bowl.

SPEAKER_01 31:44

Fucked.

SPEAKER_00 31:45

Just for like a normal game, too. It wasn't even like the championship game. It's fucking crazy.

SPEAKER_01 31:50

Yeah, yeah, I was that was sick. Hey, I wanted to ask you, do you you ever like bought a real nice pair of rollerblades that are the speed skating or skiing style of rollerblades? I want to get a pair. Do you have one of those? That's what I have.

SPEAKER_00 32:08

That's what I have right now.

SPEAKER_01 32:09

Do you absolutely hum on them?

SPEAKER_00 32:11

Yes, and go way faster than like your typical hockey skate.

SPEAKER_01 32:17

Oh, for sure. Yeah, what brand did you get? Did you get the K2s or did you get the God?

SPEAKER_00 32:22

I'd have to look at it.

SPEAKER_01 32:22

There's like two good brands I was looking at last night.

SPEAKER_00 32:25

Yeah, I went all out because I was like, I kind of want a rollerblade, it's fun. Um, so I want to get the nicest pair.

SPEAKER_01 32:32

Let me look up what I got, and it's still like because I was doing it around Madison, just the lakes there with Lake Monona. I was doing Wabisa with the blades on, and I was just doing the K2s, you got the K2s, yeah. So Malt had like some good inline blades, but they were the hockey ones that I was using. But I was looking at these other brand, these uh RB Boa, the Boa blade. So it's either a K2 or these Boa ones. These Boa ones look pretty sick.

SPEAKER_00 33:02

You fly on them.

SPEAKER_01 33:03

I mean, you could probably do 20 miles on those things.

SPEAKER_00 33:05

Oh, yeah. I I've I've I've went uh what's the longest I went? 15. Yeah, pretty easy, honestly. I wasn't even like bagged after. I was gonna say you're probably just kind of just cruising along, just cruising, having a good time. The part that sucks about rollerblades is you you don't realize like when you're running or biking, you can kind of switch to gravel easily and like you don't really care about it. Yeah, rollerblading, you gotta find like oh yeah, yeah. It's like when you get on like that shitty road, it's like fuck this sucks.

SPEAKER_01 33:36

Sucks. It starts vibrating your feet.

SPEAKER_00 33:38

Yeah, so you gotta kind of find your your route that yeah is smooth, then it's fun. But like if you just go out there and start rollerblading, you you'll run into those roads and like some gravel, and it's like fuck this sucks.

SPEAKER_01 33:52

That tar and all of a sudden you toopic, and it's just it's so nasty when like if you put on you don't need the full-on just Lance Armstrong, Lance Renstrong biker suit. But if you get you know some some nice shorts on and you get maybe like a tighter T, so it's wind resistant, and then you put the hands behind the back, like the referee skate. Oh, that is so sick, and you're just cooking with a little bit of a Drew Breeze behind you, so it's got a little tailwind.

SPEAKER_00 34:18

Oh fella, got the got the oakly shades on.

SPEAKER_01 34:23

Yeah, I want to say on those blades, you could probably go comparable to not a road bike, but probably like a mountain bike on a trail, right? You're going 15 or 20 miles an hour.

SPEAKER_00 34:33

Oh, yeah, you're flying, you're flying, right? You're buzzing, and it's almost, I think it's easier than biking. Yes, I think so.

SPEAKER_01 34:41

I think it is.

SPEAKER_00 34:42

Sometimes biking gets tough and your ass starts hurting if you don't do it a ton, and the uphills are fucking grind on bikes. But yeah, sometimes the I mean, you're definitely, I think what I'm doing, and I'm definitely going as fast as I am biking, probably not top speed, but average speed for sure.

SPEAKER_01 34:59

Yeah, because biking, and especially if you don't have a nice bike that's real light, it's a fucking grind, even on a little bit of an incline. Like to get that piece of machinery going, it's just yeah, fack. Going back to what I was doing, I was doing I was blading a lot in Madison, and I was also biking. And Malt had one of those hybrid bikes where it's not a road bike, but it's not mountain. And one day I did it, it was fucking hot out. It was like 95 degrees, probably 90 with 95 humidity. And I was biking, and you I got to that point where I was, you know, not seeing stars, but you're you're lightheaded. I'm like, Jesus, this is especially when it's that hot.

SPEAKER_00 35:39

Yeah, I'm in one right now.

SPEAKER_01 35:41

Oh, yeah, it was tough.

SPEAKER_00 35:43

I've been on a running kick recently. I don't know why. Running kick.

SPEAKER_01 35:47

How's the body? How's the body feeling after that?

SPEAKER_00 35:49

It actually feels good.

SPEAKER_01 35:51

Really? Meat.

SPEAKER_00 35:52

I've been watching these, like, you gotta have good form. You gotta land your foot, your the ball of your foot underneath your body, straight underneath your body every time you land. And as soon as you start to do that, your body like my body feels good, my knees feel great, uh, my hips are good.

SPEAKER_01 36:12

How long are you going usually for your average? Are you doing like a 5k or more?

SPEAKER_00 36:18

Typical average right now. I'm probably I'm going four miles on average, just like when I go for a run. Sometimes I'll bump it up to like eight, eight miles, ten miles if I'm feeling really good. Sometimes I'll like if I'm tired, I'll go down to two.

SPEAKER_01 36:31

Um what would you say on a good day if you're doing five sub five miles? What do you think your average mile pace would be?

SPEAKER_00 36:40

Eight thirty.

SPEAKER_01 36:41

Solid. So you're you're pounding pretty good pavement.

SPEAKER_00 36:45

I've been doing it, I've ran like 140 miles this year so far.

SPEAKER_01 36:50

So you're probably average you're probably going about eight miles an hour, is what you're saying.

SPEAKER_00 36:54

Yeah, probably about that. Yeah, yeah, it's it's a hilarious thing running because you're not actually having fun ever. No, it's actually it's actually terrible the whole time.

SPEAKER_01 37:05

Yeah, you want to quit like probably 400 meters in every time. Yeah, you're like this this sucks. This sucks.

SPEAKER_00 37:12

And for some reason, when you get done, and then you wake up the next day, you're like, uh, kind of want to go for another run. I don't know why that is.

SPEAKER_01 37:22

Well, the the runner's high is is something that's that's legit. You can get that with biking too, if you go up balls out, but I think I think it's easier to to achieve when you're running. But I would say, do you find when you're doing those runs, especially when you feel good? There is a point though where that momentum flips in your head of like you become like a savage, where the first two or three miles, or depending on how long it takes you to get to that flow state, something turns in your brain where you're like, I'm a fucking nail, I'm a warrior, and all of a sudden it's just like you feel like you're running downhill. But some days you can't even get to that point. But if you do, yes, you do, it feels unbelievable.

SPEAKER_00 38:02

100%. It's so funny, too, because sometimes on my runs when I'm tired, I'll time out like the last half of the run to be along side of pretty busy road. Because then I think like when I'm running on a busy road and I see cars coming by, I'm like, fuck, I can't let them see me like fucking dying and going slow. Like cars are driving by, they're looking at me. Like, I gotta be running fast. Yeah, until I get past the hard part, because I'm like, I'm such a fucking ego, insane psycho that I'm like, I need these people to motivate me, like they're watching me. None of them are watching me, they don't give a fuck. When I'm in a car, I see some guy running, I'm like, I'm not even looking, I don't care. But for some reason in my head, I'm like, all these people are looking, like, I gotta be going quick, right?

SPEAKER_01 38:50

Or someone may someone might know me. That's I'm running by here, and I can't look like an absolute pussy. I thought you were gonna say too, also, run on a really busy road when you're that tired, just fucking take me out, you know.

SPEAKER_00 39:02

Sometimes I might be out of my misery, might just fall into this car coming.

SPEAKER_01 39:06

Yeah, that's another good reason to run on a busy road. Just fucking enemy. I'm fucking sick of this.

SPEAKER_00 39:11

Yeah, you got options.

SPEAKER_01 39:12

Oh, that's funny. Yeah, I uh I don't know if I could ever get into running just because of my back, but it's uh it's a grind. I did, I used to do, you know what I was doing for a couple years. I wasn't doing that Murph, like I wasn't going full CrossFit guy, but at the start or the end, I would do one mile as fast as I could, not as fast as I could, but sub six minutes, depending on how I felt on a treadmill, which I do think is a little bit easier to hold your pace than doing it outside, and it's easier on your body, but I would do it either before most of the times after my workout, and just try to do you know, if I felt good that day, I'm going, you know, 10 miles an hour for six minutes or you know, 11, whatever it is. But that's uh the mile is is sneaky hard. I always found it's it's so much harder on a track than it is on a treadmill, though. Dude, just it's degrading when you're running around that fucking football field.

SPEAKER_00 40:06

See how far you got left, and you're like, yeah, this sucks. It is it's hard after a workout, yeah. It's it's so much harder. Like, if you run one before the workout, it's almost like a piece of cake. After you're like, fuck. I know I'm absolutely dying right now.

SPEAKER_01 40:24

Yeah, it's tough, dude. It's tough. Yeah, running. I don't know. I want to get those blades though. These, I think I'm gonna order these blades, and I'm gonna just gonna just start spinning them, dude.

SPEAKER_00 40:33

I think you should. It's it's a good investment. I use mine a lot.

SPEAKER_01 40:36

Do you ever track how many calories you can burn on that or no?

SPEAKER_00 40:40

Yeah, I do.

SPEAKER_01 40:41

Is it what is it usually if you'd go 10 miles?

SPEAKER_00 40:43

It's probably what if I go 10 miles, it depends on like how hard I'm pushing myself. If I'm going, if I'm pushing myself, I'll get to like four or five hundred.

SPEAKER_01 40:54

Yeah, which is solid.

SPEAKER_00 40:56

Solid for uh, you know, when you get done, like I said, you don't even like you're tired, but you're not like it's not like when I get done running and I'm pushing myself. No, no, but I I tracked myself, I don't know if I said this, Jordan, maybe I'm repeating myself, but I tracked myself running nine miles, and then I played tennis with Dewey for 55 minutes, and I burned more calories playing tennis than running nine miles.

SPEAKER_01 41:25

Did you really?

SPEAKER_00 41:26

Yeah, a lot more.

SPEAKER_01 41:27

Like a thousand were you like a thousand calories probably tennis, fifteen hundred?

SPEAKER_00 41:31

Yeah, yeah, I was like 1100.

SPEAKER_01 41:33

Yeah, dude, there's no I don't think there's any better workouts for cardio just because it's just you don't you're not even thinking when you're you're not thinking.

SPEAKER_00 41:40

That's the thing. You're not like you're bagged, but yeah, you don't really care about it because you're like you're focused on the game.

SPEAKER_01 41:47

Yes, my fucking back is so in one from yesterday. We so I play like once a week with we don't really play because he's way better than me. Kick the shit up. Nick LePointed Derek LePoint's younger brother is a coach down here at DC Ranch, pro coach, play D1. We played this nasty game yesterday. So you start off, you put a cone like at the T of the box on both sides, and you hit down the center until a guy, one of the guys hits the cone. First guy to hit that cone, and you got to blow it up. You can't just graze it. So you got to blow the cone up, then you switch it to one of the corner of the box. So, say if he hit that cone down the middle first, he's now going for the the corner. I'm still going down the middle, so I got to hit my cone, and then the final switch is obviously to the other side of the box, and it's the first guy to hit three cones. You would think it's easy, and this guy is a nasty player, like being hard as fuck, really good player, especially just you know, in on an amateur sense, we could beat 99 of the population. Dude, that game took us almost an hour, and I want I want to say I took over a thousand cuts. Like, you're just yeah, trying to sauce it, hit that cone. It's fucking a bagger, man. It was fun, though.

SPEAKER_00 43:01

That sounds fun. I'd like to try that one. Yeah, the the old tennis workout is always a great time.

SPEAKER_01 43:06

100%. Yeah, you gotta get Mats out there. How was uh how was the Matson wedding? How was it? Was it solid? You looked like you boys had a good crew.

SPEAKER_00 43:14

Good crew, good nodak crew.

SPEAKER_01 43:16

It was Rico was there, right?

SPEAKER_00 43:18

Yeah, Rico was there. We had Dale there, Chiswick, Ledou, who am I forgetting, Matt Harder? I think that's that was the Nodak crew. It was a great crew. We had a hell of a time. Um Matt's obviously was pretty busy the whole time with his wedding, and then you know, he's I like his friend group, the Riley Bros, and JP Lafontaine, and and those guys. It's always good running into them. So yeah, I mean it was a great time. I think we left at like 10 o'clock, went to a like a hole in the wall bar downtown Minneapolis with the boys after to just kind of talk Nodak and chop it up. Best best time.

SPEAKER_01 43:57

And was uh was Sue Blake there?

SPEAKER_00 44:00

Sue Blake was there. Sue was actually at our table.

SPEAKER_01 44:04

No, yeah. Did you have a lucky lefty in?

unknown 44:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:08

Sue Blake, still the same guy. Oh fuck. It was good catching up with him, too.

SPEAKER_01 44:13

Dude, that was that was one of the funniest things last year. After what weekend did we even go up there and watch? Was it Gopher Weekend? Did they play the Gophers last year at home? I was so drunk. Yeah, they play the Gophers, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was Gopher Weekend. Okay, so it's go. I was thinking because it was Gophers, then it was Denver weekend. I went up there, and that was Gophers. Okay, so it was Gopher Weekend last year. We do our show on Saturday. We're pinned Friday, pinned Saturday, wake up Sunday, Canada in. I'm like dragging my ass to get to the airport, get on the bird in the pigeon deck on those one of those small, just Delta Link planes. Get back there, sit down. I'm like, my head is just so tucked on my own thighs. Oh my god. Sue Blake brought this up. And Sue Blake gets on the bird, and it's him. He sits right next to me and he's drunk as hell, too. And then across the aisle is my one of my uncle's best friends, Brent Hansen, who also is a beauty from Devil's Lake, now lives in Hudson, not scared to get pinned either. And I had seen him, I'd seen Hans earlier in the summer at a cold plate concert when he was sneaking whiskey from his wife because he's only supposed to drink beer in front of her, but he was hammering whiskey with me. So it was just an all-time crew all sitting in a line. It was Sue Blake. That's right. I sat next to Sue. So it was Sue Blake on the window, Swishy on the aisle, and then Brendan Hansen on the aisle. I'm like, the whole plane fucking smelled. Smelled like an Indian reservation.

SPEAKER_00 45:41

Sue Blake brought that up. He's like, How's how's Schmulze doing? I was like, Yeah, I think he's doing pretty well. He's like, Yeah, last time I saw him was on a hung flight back to back to Minneapolis. You know, he talks just so like low and monotone. Like he's never smiling, but like you just want to laugh.

SPEAKER_01 46:00

He's such a character, he's just a little guy.

SPEAKER_00 46:02

Oh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:04

Oh, Sue Blake, dude. Yeah, the Van Wilder of of UND. A lot of people go to school for seven years. Yeah, they're called doctors. Um, legend. So, yeah, Matt's that a boy. Way to tie the knot. Uh, yeah, Ozzo, not a ton going on, but I'm gonna give you. I don't think I've done this one yet, and if I have, folks, I do apologize. But the People's Insider Term of the Week. And this week's People's Insider Term of the Week is stick handling. Now, at live in five and net 93.1, we never condone what this reference means. But hey, sometimes you get pinched. Ask Tony Romo, ask Justin Timberlake, maybe just ask every resident of the state of Wisconsin or North Dakota, hey, fella, how many Deweys do you have on your resume? Well, it's a rite of passage around here. And a Dewey, in layman's terms, or maybe in more advanced terms, is called stick handling. Folks, you never want to get caught with your chin over the steering wheel, but you never ever want to get caught stick handling. Sometimes you're sitting around and you're missing a guy. Maybe it's Tuesday night men's league. Maybe it's just to get together with your buddies. You do, I don't know, every Saturday night, and you're like, Ozzo, fella. Like, he's like, What? I'm like, where's uh where's our boy Jimmy? He's like, ah, fuck. He got caught stick handling. You're like, oh no, yeah. He got caught stick handling leaving the casino last week. He was 10 and 2, but his chin was untucked. And my god, yeah, cops dragged him over. So, folks, what stick handling is, is well, you're on 10 and 2, but you're kind of weaving in and out, and you're a little bit buzzed, and you might get pulled over. You're probably blowing something over the legal limit, maybe triple the legal limit. But that is what we call stick handling, folks. I hate to say it, too many people do it, but if anyone does get pinched and it's one of your buddies, well, fact fella, yeah, he got pinched, he got caught. He was stick handling. So that is this week's People's Insider term of the week. A tale's old as time, Ozzo. Stick handling fella.

SPEAKER_00 48:17

Not a stick handling home from those country clubs after men's night, yeah. To admit it, but you know, I think all around the country, you could probably find a few stick handlers, a few Patrick Canes out there leaving the country club after a Wednesday night with the fellas. So yeah, no, we wish the stick handlers well. We wish them luck on their way home. Hopefully, you do have the hands of Patrick Kane. That usually means you'll make her home safe. Now, if you got Nicholas Chalmerson hands, maybe you shouldn't stick handle home. Yeah, um, there's some that are better at it better at it than others.

SPEAKER_01 48:51

There are some better stick handlers than others. A lot of times, like you did allude to Ozzo, you gotta have good mitts. You don't want to be one of those guys that was chopping the puck up into a square back in the day per se. But to all the fellow, well, I won't even say fellow because I don't stick handle anymore, but to all the stick handlers out there that are one eyeing it back from men's night, fellas, good luck out there, and don't kill anyone. So that is uh this week's People's Insider term of the week. Yeah, stick handling. It's not funny, but it is, man. It's not one of those things that it's not funny, but is but it is funny because I can't even remember the first time I heard stick handling. Like, I'm trying to such a great term for that for doing that. It's at least 15 plus years old, stick handling.

SPEAKER_00 49:38

Like, I don't even know like you everyone's been in that situation where you're like, fuck, I haven't had a drink in two two and a half hours, been drinking water, like I'm just gonna stick handle home here, bro.

SPEAKER_01 49:49

Can't get an Uber, probably good, but yeah, it's always the guy leaving the bar and he's like, You need a ride? No, you need an Uber. It says 12 minutes. Just gonna stick handle. We'll see you tomorrow, fell. You're just like, good luck, you know, good luck, dude.

SPEAKER_00 50:07

Good luck, dude.

SPEAKER_01 50:09

Oh, yeah, the best. Wish you the best. There goes my hero. Um, but yeah, so Ozzo, not a ton out there going on, folks. That is live and five, baby. That is the captain over there. That is episode 124 93 1 and the captain gauge Ozzo Osmus. Folks, thank you for listening. Have a great week. It is the dog days of August. We will be back sometime soon. Keep the chins tucked in your stick on the ice. Woo!