Who Were You Before the World Told You Who To Be?

Who Were You Before the World Told You Who to Be?

Before expectations.
 Before comparison.
 Before learning which parts of you were “too much.”

Who were you?

In this episode of The Joyful Rebel Podcast, Rachel explores identity through memory, story, and what she calls the Wonder Window—the part of you that existed before performance, pressure, or self-editing took over.

In this conversation, we look at:

• how early joys and curiosities hold clues to your true self
• why losing touch with yourself isn’t failure—it’s adaptation
• how shrinking begins, often quietly and relationally
• what it looks like to orient yourself again without forcing change

This episode isn’t about going backward or romanticizing the past.
 It’s about recovering orientation—so you can move forward aligned.

If you’ve ever wondered whether the real you is still in there somewhere, you’re not alone—and you’re not too late.

Resources:
20 Soul Sparks To Feel Like You Again - a simple list of tiny, doable moments designed to help you reconnect with joy, curiosity, peace, and play
https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/cd8d06c001

Hidden Stories Inventory- a guide to help you notice the stories that have been shaping you https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/hiddeninventory 

My Substack Page, The Petal and The Plot: https://restorystudiorachel.substack.com/

Are YOU A Joyful Rebel? https://rachelharrisonline.com/joyful-rebel

Transcript

Rachel Harris (00:00)

When I look over my own story, I can see the exact moments where this happened. Moments where I realized, this part of me doesn't land well or fit in here, or okay, that question made people uncomfortable. So I learned to manage myself.

At first, I don't think it was even a conscious decision, but over time, it became automatic.

friends, welcome back to the Joyful Rebel podcast. If this is your first time joining, I'm so glad you found your way in. If you're returning, thank you for coming back and continuing this journey with me. If you haven't yet listened to last week's episode, I highly encourage you to check it out when you have a chance. It's where I shared the Joyful Rebel Manifesto, the vision that's anchored my life and my work over the last year. though, we're starting where

all real identity work begins. Not with who you should be, not with who you became out of necessity, but with a quieter and braver question. Who were you before the world told you who to be? Because before expectations, before comparison, before learning what was too much or not enough or not practical, there was a version of you that moved through the world with

curiosity, imagination, and instinct. That version of you didn't disappear. She went quiet. When I sit with this question, my mind almost always goes back to childhood. Not in a rose-colored, everything-was-perfect way, although, yes, a lot of it and glitter-dusted, but more in a pattern-noticing way.

When I look honestly at little Rachel, I can see what lit me up, what I found beautiful and interesting, how I made meaning of the world in the moments where I felt the most like myself. This was before I learned which parts were too sensitive or too much, before playground rules and social dynamics or small wounds that started shaping how I showed up to the world. And here's the thing I want you to hear.

Your earliest joys weren't random. They were clues. In my work, I use a story framework called the re-story arc. Because we don't actually live in bullet points. We live in stories. And Every story begins with what I call the wonder window. It's one of my favorite parts to decide for all of the main characters that I've written in my books. It's the part of the story where curiosity is alive, where imagination leads.

If you're young, it's where identity hasn't yet learned to perform or later in life when that more innocent, hopeful version of you peeks back out again. When joy sparks unexpectedly, when delight sneaks in, when play shows up without asking permission. Think Anne Green Gables naming everything beautiful. Lucy stepping into Narnia through the wardrobe without demanding proof.

or even pausing to question, how is this possible? It's Elizabeth Bennet noticing what others missed. And it's Lorelai Gilmore trusting her instincts long before life complicated them. Wonder is in many ways pre-performance. And even as adults, Wonder still enters the story whenever we drop the mask, intentionally or not. Think of Christmas mornings, Disney World with your kids.

A memory that suddenly lights up your body again. That flutter, that warmth, that's information. this is one reason why stories like Pride and Prejudice and Little Women are still so loved and relatable. It's not because of romance or nostalgia, or not only because of it, but it's because of identity. We recognize ourselves in characters who start with clarity,

lose it under pressure and then slowly reclaim

Elizabeth Bennett doesn't change who she is. She remembers it. Joe March doesn't become bold. She stops apologizing for being bold. That's identity work. Here's what usually happens next in real life. The world introduces conditions. Be kind, but don't be inconvenient. Be creative, but make it useful. Be faithful, but don't ask too many questions. Be joyful, but not too loud about it.

So we adapt, we trade instinct for approval, wonder for self-protection, curiosity for caution, not because we're weak, but because we're relational.

When I look over my own story, I can see the exact moments where this happened. Moments where I realized, this part of me doesn't land well or fit in here, or okay, that question made people uncomfortable. So I learned to manage myself.

At first, I don't think it was even a conscious decision, but over time, it became automatic.

Whenever I entered situations that I decided needed a different version of me, from one footfall to the next, I'd slip into rolls, slide on masks, almost without thinking. I just started dimming my light, pretended I agreed when I didn't.

or I didn't have an opinion or when I did. And all of that image management, it worked.

I got validation, belonging, less friction. It worked until it didn't. This is why the wonder window matters. It isn't just a storytelling device. It's a real life, real talk, lived experience that shows up time and again throughout our lives.

And just like everything else, when we start to notice these things, it's powerful. Wonder is where identity begins and shrinking is where it gets complicated. So here's a place to start noticing, not fixing, not forcing. It's just information, information about you. Ask yourself, what did I love?

before I was talked out of it.

If you have old diaries, yearbooks, photos, playlists, these are gold mines. The types of activities that you loved, favorite clothing items or styles, hobbies, toys, songs, treats.

Last year, when I intentionally began the process of rediscovering who God created me to be and not who I learned to be to fit in, this is where I started. I remembered how much I loved KitKats as a

Rachel Harris (06:07)

As an author, I know how powerful sense memories are. Great authors are artists at exploiting this to get you really into a scene. And that's what I tried to do.

So I bought a Halloween-sized bag of Kit Kats, and I tried eating one into a mini moment of presence. Not mindless, intentional. Remembering moments when I was a kid eating the same treat. And I'm telling you, it started to make a difference because it wasn't about the candy. It was about permission. I also bought a Care Bear sweatshirt, a Rainbow Brite watch, strawberry shortcake hair clip,

and rose petal earrings. Those were some of my joy sparks. So I'll ask you again, what did you love before it was labeled silly, wrong, impractical or weird? What did you notice that others would overlook? did you feel the most yourself as a child or a young adult? The joys that we find in life,

the things that we find interesting or that catch our eye or linger in our minds, they're signs. They're clues to our true self, glimpses of our peeking out from beneath the roles and hats and masks that we've put on top over the years. And the combination of all of these things, They are unique to us, like fingerprints. For those I coach, I like to ask,

If you had to create a life map that only contained five to 10 moments of your life, what moments immediately jumped to your mind?

what are the five to 10 moments that you've been the happiest where you felt the most free? Free is a word that I discovered represents the moments I've felt the most authentic. Joy too, obviously. types of questions aren't about going backwards. They're about recovering orientation

because your wonder window doesn't tell you what to do, but it can remind you of who you are. So let's pause for a moment. Let those questions marinate for a minute. You don't need answers yet. Just notice what stirs. What memory keeps tapping you on the shoulder? Remember you used to love me? What activities, items,

or treats spark joy. things aren't distractions, my friend. They're not silly. And it's not about romanticizing your past or wishing your life were different. It's all just information. Okay, I like to include permission slips toward the end of every episode. Again, not because you need permission, but as a reminder that you already have it.

I find it fun. And since we have just one wild and precious life, I've decided I'm gonna spend the rest of mine dancing in every bit of joy that I find. So here's your permission slips for this week. You're allowed to be curious again. You're allowed to notice joy and to choose it. You're allowed to remember yourself without guilt.

And as someone slowly collecting a lot of 1980s cartoon gear, you're allowed to be an adult woman who gets a dose of joy from reconnecting with childhood delights. Okay, that's all for today. If this episode resonated, I've written a deeper reflection over on Substack, over at the Petal and the Plot. And I'd love for you to join me there. The links for that and for a free resource I created to help you brainstorm your own joy sparks are in the show notes. Next week, we're talking about how shrinking often gets mistaken for faithfulness and how to untangle the two. Until then, get curious about your life. Trust what you notice. Stay present and own your awesome. I'll meet you back here.