The Year I Finally Learned to Listen: My Sabbatical from Busyness & What It Changed

What happens when you stop trying to manage your life… and start listening to it instead?

In this deeply personal episode, I’m sharing the story of the year I stepped away from constant doing, producing, and striving—and into what I now call my “Joyride” season.

It wasn’t a dramatic sabbatical.
I was still a mom, still a wife, still living real life.

But internally? Everything shifted.

This was the year I:
 ✨ stopped outsourcing my discernment
 ✨ learned to listen to my body, emotions, and inner voice
 ✨ wrestled with silence, doubt, and old patterns
 ✨ and discovered that joy and struggle can exist at the same time

If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing all the “right” things but still feel disconnected from yourself—or from God—this episode is for you.

🌸 In This Episode, We Talk About:

•  The space between being called… and actually responding 
•  Why obedience doesn’t always happen instantly 
•  What a “Joyride season” really feels like (and why it’s not all easy) 
•  The difference between childlike joy and childish behavior 
•  How your “inner storyteller” shapes your reality 
•  Why your emotions are not problems—but invitations 

A Tool to Help You Process What You’re Feeling:

If you’ve ever thought, “I don’t even know what I’m feeling right now…”
I created something to help.

Download the free Harmony Bloom Emotion Map™
A simple, faith-rooted framework to help you:

•  notice what you’re feeling 
•  understand what it means 
•  and respond with intention instead of overwhelm 

** I’m putting the finishing touches on this and will link it soon—stay tuned! ** 

Your Practice for the Week:

Try this simple 4-step check-in:

1. Notice — What am I feeling in my body and emotions? 
2. Name — Put words to it (without judgment) 
3. Normalize — “This makes sense. I’m human.” 
4. Next Step — What is one small, honest response? 

Let’s Stay Connected:

If this episode resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you.
 Send me a message or share what’s been coming up for you lately.

And if you haven’t already, be sure to follow the show so you don’t miss next week’s episode—we’re diving into what happens when old stories try to pull you back into hiding.

💛 Final Reminder:

You’re not doing it wrong.
 You’re becoming aware.

And that changes everything.

Resources:
5 Moments You're Abandoning Yourself (Without Realizing It) https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/e6b737ec08

How to Choose You In Real Time - Practice Your First Rebel Moves
https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/stopplayingsmall

Hidden Stories Inventory- Discover the Stories Quietly Shaping Your Choices https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/hiddeninventory 

The Moment You Abandon Yourself - Catch the Exact Moment You Start Shrinking—and Learn How to Interrupt It In Real Time https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/costofpretending

Are YOU A Joyful Rebel? https://rachelharrisonline.com/joyful-rebel

Transcript

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I realized I'd spent years worrying that my joy was childish when it was actually one of the most beautiful and God-reflecting things about me. Hey friends, welcome back to the Joyful Rebel Podcast. Last week we talked about outsourcing our discernment and what happens when God interrupts who you've been trusting. I ended with a little tease because yes, I did eventually get baptized again, but it took longer than I'd like to admit. And that year in between, the space between the nudge and the obedience, it may have actually been one of the most sacred, personal, life-changing years of my life. Because it was the year that I finally got brave enough to listen, not just to God, but to me, to my inner storyteller, to the parts of me that have been trying to keep me safe for decades, just not always in ways that I would have chosen if I'd been fully in the driver's seat. Friend, if you've ever felt like you're doing all the right things, but still feel disconnected from yourself inside them, this episode is for you. In the Restory Arc that I teach, this is what we call the joy ride. It's the season where something in you wakes up. You're not fully there yet, but you're not asleep anymore either. You've got hope, you've got energy, you've got that flutter of maybe life can feel different. Here's the part that nobody tells you. The joy ride can feel amazing, and it can also feel tender as heck because joy makes you visible, and visibility invites resistance. After that retreat that I shared about last week, after that moment when God basically side-eyed me with love and said, When will you stop trusting man over me? I declared what I called a personal sabbatical. Let me be clear. I did not float off into the wilderness wearing linen and drinking herbal tea while angels braided my hair. I was still a wife, still a mom, still a human with never-ending laundry and dishes, and a personality that just loves planning and doing and achieving. And the kind of personality that hates standing still, especially when there's a chance that someone might think that I'm being lazy or selfish. So no, this wasn't a dramatic event like a CEO taking a year off, but for me, it was monumental. I decided that for a season, a full year, I was gonna stop treating my life like a project to manage and start treating it like a story to live, a story to fall in love with again. I unplugged from the kind of busyness that looks productive, but keeps you from hearing your own soul. And I started doing what I call heart work and soul work, journaling when I didn't know what I felt, learning how to name emotions in my body and what to do with them, catching thinking traps in the moment and then challenging them. Learning parts work, like, oh, my inner critic isn't my enemy. She's a panicked little version of me trying to keep us from being embarrassed. Learning self-compassion, which I know can sound fluffy and totally woo-woo, until you realize that it's actually the difference between growth and self-abandonment. And the wildest part, the more I listened, the more life started to feel magical. Yep, magical. And I know that too can feel woo-woo or even taboo in certain Christian circles, but to me, magical means noticing the sacred shimmer in ordinary life. Things like sticky hugs and snort laughter, that glittery spark that appears whenever we dare to choose presence over perfection. It's discovering the mess is where the miracle lives. And that's what life started to become. Not perfect, not even close. It wasn't easy. I wrestled with myself, with God, with all resentments, but it was alive. One of my favorite personal beliefs, and I mean it one of my absolute favorite beliefs, is this life is a sacred treasure hunt filled with hidden chances to live our purpose. And God's glittering fingerprints guide us daily, if only we look. So during that year, I started looking. I expected God to show up. Sometimes it was big, like a moment in prayer that made me feel seen to the marrow. Sometimes it was tiny, like a song lyric at the exact right moment. It was a breeze on a really hot day, and I live in Houston, so hello. It was a kind cashier, a painted rock on my usual walking route, a sentence and a book, a meme on Facebook or Instagram that felt like God had underlined it with sparkly highlighter and said, This, here, pay attention. And as thrilling as all of that was, that's also where the early rumbles started. Because sometimes I looked and I didn't see anything. Sometimes I reached for magic and I got silence. Sometimes I prayed for a glittery sign, a prickle on my skin, a dazzling sunset, anything to show that he was listening. And nothing happened. It made me feel exposed, vulnerable, like, okay, Lord, I'm here, I'm listening, I'm believing. Hello? And that's when all the old patterns tried to jump back in. Friend, if you're multitasking right now, come back to me because this matters. When you stop numbing yourself with busyness, you start feeling like really feeling. And I learned something important the last few years. I have parts of me that loved this new life, and parts of me that were terrified. Real talk, they still are. Because we never just arrive in life, you know? If you're still breathing, well, like one of my favorite songs says, yes, you have a reason to praise the Lord, and also lots of time to doubt that praise, to doubt yourself, and to backside into old habits. The joy ride part of me was like, yes, we're free. We're becoming the leading lady. We're wearing all the bracelets. I'll explain that in a future episode. We are romanticizing our life. We are noticing sun rays like their messages from heaven. We are here. And the protective parts were like, okay there, but slow your roll. What if people think you're too much? What if you disappoint someone? What if you're wrong? What if you get your hopes up and God doesn't come through, at least in the way you want? Eek! That's some real, real talk right there. Or what if you step into what you feel called to do and you fall flat on your face? Because here's the thing: sometimes the resistance isn't from the devil or from your enemies or your circumstances. Sometimes it's your own nervous system going, hey, this level of freedom feels unfamiliar. Are we safe? Or, hey there, um, this feels really, really familiar. Remember when you thought you were on the right path before and got embarrassed? Can we not do that again? Sweet sister, that warning though, that's not failure or a lack of faith. It's information. This was the year that I learned a truth that may not resonate with everyone, but hopefully you can internalize it in a way that does because this was another line in the sand moment for me. Discovering the difference between childlike and child-ish. Remember in episode three, I told you that I used to fear my joy would be seen as immaturity. So I spent years trying to soften it, edit it, pray it away. Well, I finally realized the difference. Child-ish needs attention. Childlike pays attention. Childish performs. Childlike notices. Childish demands. Childlike delights. Childish is internal and it makes the moment about her. Childlike is external, receiving the moment as a gift and then inviting others into it. I realized I'd spent years worrying that my joy was childish when it was actually one of the most beautiful and God-reflecting things about me. The thing that my husband and my girls love most about me, because joy is spiritual fruit, a sacred superpower, and joy isn't immaturity. Joy is presence, aliveness, joy is worship without a microphone. So here's what I want you to hear. If you find yourself in a joy ride season, joy doesn't mean that you're healed or arrived. It means you're awake. And it doesn't mean that it's not going to be struggle because struggle's real. And so is the joy ride. Confusion and conflict, worry and hesitations, they don't mean that you're doing it wrong. It means that you're doing something honest. And rumbles, they don't mean retreat. Rumbles usually mean this matters. And it's touching an old story, which brings us to the inner storyteller. Because this is also the year that I realized I don't just experience life. I narrate it. And if I'm not careful, my inner storyteller will turn a neutral moment into a whole plot line. A delayed text becomes, I'm forgotten. A quiet season becomes God's distant. A heart emotion becomes I'm failing. A spouse's grumpy mood becomes he's mad at me. And sometimes a relative cleaning the kitchen after the holiday meal becomes they're judging me instead of maybe, just maybe, they want to help. Not like I speak from experience or anything. Sorry. Okay, so the work isn't to force joy, the work is telling the truth about what we feel without letting fear write the ending. The real work is reclaiming the pen. All right, here's your tool for the week. It's simple but powerful. It's called Everything Is Information. If and when you feel yourself spiraling, whether it's joy or doubt, we're going to notice, name, normalize, and then take the next step. So try this. Step one, notice what's happening in me right now? In my body. Are my shoulders tense? Is my heart pounding? Do my limbs feel light? My steps have a bounce? How about in my head? Notice your thoughts. The story that you're telling yourself, the place your thoughts are bringing you back to. If you're like me again and again. In my heart, notice the emotions that I'm feeling right now. So that's step one, notice. Step two, name. Put language on it without judgment. I feel excited and I feel exposed. I feel alive and afraid. I feel hopeful and vulnerable. And if you struggle with naming emotions, you are my people. So I created a free resource called the Harmony Bloom Emotion Map. It combines some of my favorite tools that I learned to help me identify what I'm feeling, what my body cues might be telling me, and what to do next. It'll be linked in the show notes. Okay, step three, normalize. Of course I feel this. I'm growing, I'm changing, I'm becoming. This is a nervous system response, not a sign of moral failure. This is just information about me to help me reclaim agency in the moment. And that leads us to step four. Take the next step. What's one small step that you can take today? A pinky toe step of courage. It doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be dramatic or big or performative. It just has to be honest and real. My sabbatical year is also when I created what I call radiant statements. They're little internal anchors that keep me from drifting back into performance. I have several of them listed on my website at rachelharrisonline.com, but a few favorites are I choose who and how to be today. And you can also choose that multiple times within a day, by the way. I have the courage to be unique. I name fears and I remove their power. I have agency. I'm not a victim or a martyr. Life is messy. I show up anyway. And when we dare to be vulnerable, lives change. Especially our own. So these aren't cute sentences, although they are kind of cute. But they've actually become guardrails. When rumbles show up and they will each cycle through the Harmony Bloom pathway, these and my other tools give me something to hold on to. So let me ask you something, friend. Are you in a joyride season right now? Is something waking up in you? And if so, is something resisting it? What if none of that means that you're broken or failing or stuck? What if it just means that you're becoming? Okay, sweet sister, here are your permission slips for this week. You are allowed to unplug from the noise long enough to hear yourself again. You're allowed to feel joy and feel tender. Real life is full of paradox, both and.