The Traits You Admire Are Already Yours: Borrowed Bravery & Self-Worth

Who are you learning from… even unintentionally?

In this episode of The Joyful Rebel Podcast, Rachel explores the surprising power of role models—not as people we copy, but as mirrors that can reveal forgotten parts of ourselves.

From childhood heroes to literary characters, spiritual mentors, public figures, and even everyday people we admire, the people who deeply resonate with us often hold clues about our own buried desires, strengths, values, and becoming.

This episode dives into how choosing your “mirrors” wisely can help you:

• Identify the traits that genuinely matter to you
• Recognize hidden strengths you may have dismissed in yourself
• Borrow courage when your own feels shaky
• Clarify who you want to become
• Stop idolizing other people’s paths and start uncovering your own

Rachel also shares how her own role-model work became a meaningful part of her personal self-discovery journey—and how admiration can become a roadmap, not for imitation, but for reclamation.

Because sometimes the people who inspire us most?
 They aren’t showing us who to be.

They’re reminding us who we’ve been all along.

In This Episode:

• Why role models matter more than most people realize
• The difference between imitation and inspiration
• “Patron Saints” and personal resonance
• What admiration can teach you about your gifts
• Borrowed bravery + identity excavation
• How to intentionally choose voices that expand rather than shrink you

Reflection Questions:

• Who do I deeply admire—and why?
• What qualities in them feel magnetic?
• What if those qualities are clues about me, too?
• Who am I becoming by what I consume, follow, and believe?

Permission Slip:

You’re allowed to admire without idolizing.
 You’re allowed to learn from others without abandoning yourself.
 You’re allowed to borrow bravery while you remember your own.

Closing:

Stay curious.
 Choose your mirrors wisely.
 And don’t shrink.

Resources:

- Free Play: REBEL JOY Card Deck — Romanticize your life and reclaim your light — one tiny rebellion at a time. Seven print-and-keep cards, each with one brave, joyful prompt. Pick a card, set a 60-second timer, and play. Start Playing Again! https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/72c327f4a4 

- For the exact scripts for the next time you go blank or catch yourself saying an automatic yes, grab the Rebel Response Mini Kit here: https://rachelharrisonline.com/product-details/product/the-rebel-response-mini-kit

- FREE: Are YOU a Good Girl Ghost? Free Guide: 5 Moments You're Abandoning Yourself (Without Even Realizing It) https://rachel-harris-online.kit.com/e6b737ec08

- Work with me 1:1 on the Rebel Path — a single Rebel Hour, or the Rebel

  Practice 12-week mentorship: https://rachelharrisonline.com/work-with-me

My Substack Page, Goodbye, Good Girl: https://joyfulrebel.substack.com/

Are YOU A Joyful Rebel? https://rachelharrisonline.com/joyful-rebel

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Suddenly, admiration wasn't aspiration or inspiration. It was recognition. Your role models aren't calling you upward. They're calling you home. I'm Rachel Harris, and this is The Joyful Rebel. I used to think role models were about recognizing people I admired for qualities I wish I had. I saw them almost like a human wish list. People I'd like to be more like one day, people who I would love to resemble someday. But it turns out that my role models were about who I already was and had forgotten, and yours are too. So if you've ever wondered why you're drawn to certain people, certain voices, certain stories, stick around. This episode might just change how you see yourself. For most of my adult life, my identity was simple. I basically had two major roles: homeschool mom and author. I loved that season, truly. With my writing career, I met incredible people and I spoke at interesting places. At home, I was mom and teacher, present for practically every moment of my children's lives. But I stepped back from publishing for the final years of their homeschool journey, closing the door on that role. And then a few years after that, my girls graduated. And that ended that role. That's when I realized something unsettling. I didn't actually know who I was underneath the roles. I mean, who am I if not mom? Because really, that was the role that defined me the most. The role that I took the most pride and joy in. I poured years into being a homeschool mom. Beautiful years. But I heard a line recently that said, you know you've done a good job parenting when you've basically worked yourself out of the role. And that's what I did. But now there I was, mid-40s, hopefully a lot of life left to live. And the endless question of who am I kept circling my brain. I didn't know the answer. So I did something that felt both dramatic and deeply necessary. I took what I call a personal sabbatical year, an entire calendar year devoted to deep inner work. Not to fix myself, but to meet myself. Now that all sounds great in theory, but in practical steps, it seemed totally overwhelming. I didn't know even where to begin to begin. So I decided to start simple, to get some early, easy wins. I've always liked collecting gold stars. So to kick off the year, I took several personality assessments. I reconnected with childhood delights that I either remembered or I rediscovered in childhood diaries. And then I started paying attention to my core values. My eyes and ears were on constant alert for anything that might inspire my self-discovery journey. And that was how I stumbled across an idea that I found instantly appealing. The idea was simple. Create a list of 10 to 12 people that you admire that speak to you in some way and you feel a unique pull towards, and use them as sources of inspiration for your life. Honestly, the original idea might be way more nuanced than that, but I took that idea and I ran with it. Making the idea my own like I do with everything else in life. Because one trait I have definitely learned about myself is that I am extra. If there's a chance to make things more difficult, by making it my own, I will take it. So I didn't know exactly where this experiment would go, but it gave me direction at least, a focus, an easy on-ramp to more self-discovery, because there had to be a reason why I felt drawn to these people in particular, right? The hope was that that reason would become clear eventually and that it would give me the next breadcrumb to follow on the journey. So I pulled up a fresh word document. I also love collecting fresh word documents, and I started making my list. I've always been a words girl, so the people who instantly jumped to my mind were favorite authors and speakers, storytellers and artists, teachers, historical figures and celebrities, people whose words stayed with me, people I always seemed to circle back to. The idea had been to land around 10 people, maybe 15. I ended up with 50. I'm always an overachiever. So I rearranged them, ranked them, added some, took some off, and in the end I had 39. A number so uniquely random that I loved it. Something else about seeing those final names put together in one place though, it felt electric. Like a glittering fingerprint from God, prompting me, pay attention. So I did. I decided to go deeper. For each person, I gathered their words, quotes, interviews, lines that hit me in the chest, not necessarily because they were clever, although many of them were, but because they felt alive, powerful, beautiful. Some on my list had 20 quotes, others had 50. I was in word heaven, inspiration overload. My heart was full, my mind expanded, but I still felt like there was more to discover here. Clearly I've been drawn to cool people, but why these people? What does it say about me? I wasn't sure, but I needed to know. So I went to AI. I input all of the data that I collected, all the quotes, all the goodness, and I said, please analyze these quotes for themes, for each individual, and then as a whole. I was seeking patterns, insight into what these voices stood for and what that could reveal about me. As cool as I thought the outcome could be, I was blown away by the result. The same qualities kept rising to the surface for all 39 people: authenticity, joy, curiosity, resilience, faith, creativity, courage, individuality, beauty, gratitude, playfulness, family, confidence, vulnerability, and wonder. Some of these were values already on the list that I've been putting together for myself. Others I hadn't realized how important they were to me until I saw them listed right there. And then there were traits that I admired from afar, but I hadn't yet dared to believe that I could embody. And that was when I remembered something. One of my mentors, one of the amazing teachers that was on my list, Suzanne Hannah, she'd said something months before in a class. Now, luckily, I take amazing notes. So I was able to find it again. She said, our unique gifts wait for us to heal our emotional wounds, and they wait on the other side of our pain. We can recognize these gifts by noticing what we admire, respect, and aspire to in others because they represent what we are not seeing in ourselves. The point is that we have so many gifts that we've hidden, dismissed, dimmed, or forgotten for various reasons in our lives. But we won't feel compelled by character traits. We won't recognize them or give them a passing thought if we didn't also possess them. You can't recognize in others what you do not already carry within yourself. Knowing that changed everything because suddenly admiration wasn't aspiration or inspiration, it was recognition. Your role models aren't calling you upward, they're calling you home. If you're curious to try this too, and I highly recommend it, here is a simple starting place. Make a list of all the people that you admire, anyone that you've especially connected with or you respect, people whose words have stuck with you, whose movies or TV shows you just always want to see, people who've taught you something, who've given you medicine in life when you needed it, historical figures that you just loved learning about. You don't have to overthink it. No one's gonna be judging your list or even see it. These people are humans, so they're not gonna be perfect. So don't get hung up on random gossip or the other stuff. Just hold on to what is true and beautiful and that you admire. Next, if you can, create a list of favorite quotes from each of these individuals. Google and Pinterest are gonna be your friends here. But if your person isn't a writer or they haven't given interviews, or you don't have any memories of your own that you can pull from, track a different characteristic. As I said, I'm a words girl, so quotes are what glitter for me. But for you, it could be actions. With your list in front of you, ask yourself, what do I see in them that feels alive in me? What are the qualities that I feel drawn to? And what does that reveal about the parts of me that are asking to be trusted again? Not improved, not optimized, remembered. Answering that might be the beginning of remembering yourself. I'd like to close this episode by speaking some truth over you. I hope these words bless you like they've blessed me. If you're drawn to her confidence, it's because you carry confidence. If you're moved by her courage, it's because courage lives in you. If her joy feels magnetic, it's because your soul remembers joy. Your role models aren't showing you who you could be, they're reminding you of who you are. This exercise isn't about trying to copy anyone else's life. It's about reclaiming the parts of you that have learned to go quiet. Friends, this is one of the most meaningful practices of my life and definitely of my personal reclamation journey. It shaped how I show up to the world, how I lead, and how I live now. If this resonated, stick around. This channel is going to be all about unlearning stories that taught us to shrink and remembering who we already are, and then learning how to live from that place. Give this episode a thumbs up if you like more content like this, and don't forget to hit subscribe. If a particular name came to mind while you were watching, pay attention to it. It matters. And so do you. I'll see you next time.