EP 16 | Confidence Isn’t Loud: The Truth About Self-Worth, Fear & Growth

Confidence is something many people struggle with quietly - self-doubt, fear of judgment, comparison, inconsistency, and not fully trusting themselves.

In this solo episode, I talk about what confidence actually is, how self-trust is built through evidence, and why the promises we keep to ourselves shape the way we see ourselves.

We dive into:

• building real confidence
• self-trust and consistency
• overcoming self-doubt
• fear of judgment
• insecurity and comparison
• discipline and self-respect
• mindset shifts that genuinely help
• how habits affect confidence
• becoming more secure within yourself

This conversation is for anyone trying to rebuild their confidence, trust themselves more deeply, and stop shrinking themselves out of fear.

If you’ve been feeling stuck, disconnected from yourself, or constantly doubting your abilities, this episode will resonate with you.

Listen, reflect, and let me know what part of the conversation stayed with you most.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:14

Asalaamu Alaikum and welcome back to another episode of the Cultured Voices Podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Fatima Mohammed, and you guys, I'm I'm a bit excited and a bit anxious because it's been a while since I did a solo episode. But since a lot of you guys asked for it and a lot of you guys really just wanted to hear my insights, here I am. And today I will actually start talking about confidence. And confidence is such a topic that is really deep in my heart because when I was younger, actually, I was one of the most confident people. You could not tell me anything, okay? Especially in university. But as time grew and as life just you know, like you know how life just gets sometimes. I it got to a point where sometimes I would walk in a room and I wouldn't actually I would actually feel very uncomfortable and I would feel like it's not really my space, and I didn't know what I was talking about. And when I see other people in the room, they just felt much more put together, much more like you know, they knew what they were talking about. So that's actually what I wanted to get into today. So and I have a few pointers here. Uh so we'll I'll start by talking about what actually confidence is, and today we're not actually going to talk about you know the confidence, the type of confidence that is not uh like you know, fake it until you make it. That's not what we're discussing here, okay? We're discussing confidence for a lifetime, you know, and how you can actually build on that confidence. And a lot of the time we need to start first asking ourselves, what is confidence? And uh sometimes we confuse confidence by the loudest person in the room or the person who does not um stutter, right? And does not have any doubt. But confidence is actually a lot of the time we think like just because we're afraid to do something doesn't mean that we're not confident. And confidence is not the absence of fear, by the way, it's the decision to move for to move forward in spite of fear. Okay, so let's get into that. Um, one of the a lot of things that I like to discuss, especially by the if you follow me on Instagram, and if you know if you don't, you should. Um, my Instagram handle is the Fatima Edit. So if you follow me there, there's a video I did uh a few we a few weeks back, and I was talking about the difference between self-trust and confidence. And confidence actually has a lot to do with self-trust because the more you do things, the more self-trust you have. And you this is actually evidence that you're actually proving yourself that you can actually do things, and once you get there, that's when confidence actually starts. So, self-trust is what you build over time through evidence, right? Through action. So let's get into why a lot of people actually have low confidence, and this can stem from childhood. You know, when you have childhood trauma, and a lot of your parents did so much criticizing, and they they you were criticized a lot, especially as a child, be it whether it's by by your parents or by your teachers, criticism can actually hurt us, and one of the ways that that actually um shows itself as adulthood is by having low confidence or low self-esteem. Another another word, another way that low confidence can come from is failure. Sometimes, sadly, when we fail again and again and again, we end up losing our confidence and our self-trust. Because um, when I told you before, is that self-trust is doing things over and over and again and you're proving yourself right. Now, when you fail over and over and over again, that self-trust actually diminishes, right? And another way, um, another form where low confidence can show up is when you are being overlooked or you were used to being overlooked, and that can actually be such a huge thing, especially for us people who are you know introverts. If you're an introvert out there and you are just used to being overlooked, that can actually show itself through um low confidence. Um, and lastly, people pleasing tendencies. If you're a people pleaser, then you won't really have a lot of confidence because you're just literally showing people that um you're just doing what you expected, and that there's no self self-trust, like you know, like the inner, inner, inner uh confidence because the what you'll be doing is just pretending, right? So a lot of the time we actually internalize other people's opinions and make it our own autobiography, right? Um, and that's not the case. Some people can believe whatever they believe, but you need to be able to know yourself. That's why I talk a lot about uh auditing yourself so that you know what your strengths are, you know what your weaknesses are, and by that it will actually uh help you be more um forward when it comes to actions. And another thing I want you guys to actually ask yourself is how many of your beliefs about yourself actually belong to you? Because you know, a lot of the time, especially with society and community, even with your friends, they name-call you and not in the insult type of way, but they tell you, oh, you're an introvert, or you're shy, or um, you're not very good at this. But those things are just what people tell you, but that doesn't mean that it's true, you know. So, one of the things I would like to um like you know leave you out there is how many of your beliefs about yourself actually belongs to you, and so if you want to change that, it's very easy because you just need to prove to yourself that what they're saying is not really correct. Uh, so if they tell you you're shy and you are not actually shy, then you know, like stand out there, be out there. Uh, another thing I wanted to mention is the confidence-competence loop. I don't know if you guys have ever heard that, but um, a lot of people actually wait for confidence to build for them to start acting, but that's actually not the case. It's actually backwards. You need to be able to do actions first for you to be able to feel confident. I don't know if that's making sense, but confidence is the result, not the requirement. You don't require confidence for you to do things, you do things and then you get confident as a result, right? So the loop that I was talking about here is um you first of all do an action, and then with that action, you have an evidence, right? Like you've done the action, and then with that you have self-trust. And then with the self-trust equals to uh confidence, and then with that confidence equals to more action. So let me just repeat that. So it's action and then evidence, and then trust, and then confidence, and then more action. Okay, so now that we've gotten that out of the way, uh let's get into tips of how to build confidence. And um, one of the tips is keep promise, keep promises to yourself. And this is huge because when you actually set your goals for yourself, especially like you know, now that we're in the beginning of the year, like um when you set goals for the year, be the person who actually uh goes ahead and does those goals. Because when you keep promises to yourself, you make sure that um you're building self-trust. And what did we say about self-trust? Self-trust equals to confidence, right? So, number two is audit your input. And when I say audit your input, is what are you who's around you, what are the people that you have around you, who's you in your circle, what are you watching, right? What are you consuming? Because all of these things actually does build your confidence. Um, if you are surrounded by people who actually put you down and they don't um, you know, encourage you or believe in you, then obviously you're not going to be confident, right? But if you're actually consuming a lot of uh, for example, in the social media sense, if you're consuming a lot of um content that is about building yourself, uh, that is very motivating and very inspiring, automatically you'll show up as that person. So audit your input and um because you will actually become what you absorb. And then number three, I would say document your wins. When you actually document your wins, for example, what I like to do is I I always have a to-do list every single day. So, and I have things that I need to do today, and then I tick them off. And that is how you document your wins because when you've gotten a goal or um a to-do list out of the way, you know, oh, I could do this, I did this, I did this, and did this. So, and when you have those evidence piling up, then you will have trust in yourself to do more the next day and to do more in the next time that you want to do something. Uh, number four is do the uncomfortable things often. Um, a lot of the time we get very comfortable being very comfortable doing the things that we know how to do. So that's just the things that we repeat. But what I would actually suggest is sometimes go out of your way and do something that is uncomfortable. And when you actually do that, you will feel confidence knowing that you could do things that you couldn't do before. I'm never making sense. But sometimes do the things that are uncomfortable for you to be comfortable with the unknown. Yeah. Um, number five is speak up in rooms. I always say this, especially I don't know if I've ever mentioned here, but I also have um a women's group called Sisters Connect, and monthly I actually try to do it monthly, but um we do events that we bring women together and we actually encourage them. And one of the things that I did in the in one of my events was um telling them to speak up more. So this is what I would actually give as a tip to build confidence is speak up in rooms, especially when you're tempted to be quiet, you know, because when you're actually tempted to be quiet, that's when you should actually, you know, like do the uncomfortable thing. You remember we said that? So even if it's uncomfortable, get up, introduce yourself, speak up. If you have a thought or you have a question, speak up and do so. And the more you do that, the more confidence you will get. Number six is finish things that you start. Um, where every time you complete a task or you uh make sure that you do a goal, that is also evidence that you're building that you can actually do things. Uh, one of the things that um, especially as a procrastinator, uh, one of the things that used to really, really hold me back is the fact that I used to do a lot of things, but I never used to get it to the finish point. You know, I used to do them to a certain extent and then I stop and start something new before I complete. So now what I do is I try my best to actually complete everything that I start, and my by doing that, you actually build on more evidence. See the loop there? Okay. Um, another number seven would be make eye contact. Eye contact is so important because first of all, you'll make the other person feel like you they're being listened to and you're giving them the attention that they need, and then but it also signals that you're confident. But if you're if you're looking at, for example, uh me and I'm look like you know, and you're talking to me, and then you start saying, Oh yeah, um, you know, like I'm not really so sure, and you start looking on the sides, you're not signaling confidence, right? But you actually just look straight to who you're talking to, and you're actually talking to them and you look at their eye, it really, really does make a huge difference, and you'll actually seem more confident. Number eight is walk in every room like you belong there. This is where now they fake it until you make it comes in. Because even if you're not confident enough, put your head up, put your back straight, and actually walk in a room that you actually like you actually belong there. Walk in is like it's your home, like they're expecting you, right? Like you're a guest and you're the per like you're the main event, and by that you actually do build confidence. Number nine is surround yourself with people who believe in you, and you guys, this is so huge, so so huge. Because if you are around people who are um not the you know, like they're just putting you down, they're telling you, oh no. For example, if you have an idea and you're like, Oh, this is what I want to do, and this is the places that I want to reach, and then they're like, I don't know if that's possible. Are you sure you're not you know, like aiming too high? Those are not the type of people you need in your life. So surround yourself with people who actually believe in you, people who actually trust in your vision, and people who actually pushing you and holding your hand through that. And then number 10 is don't look at other people's successes and compare yourself. Comparison is the thief of joy. It's not a joke when they said that. Don't compare yourself, especially like you know, in the in the eyes of the social media, it's very easy for you to compare yourself with the highlight reels of other people, and you compare yourself, like you know, where they are versus where you are, you might be beginning, and those people are like way ahead of you, and you know, like you're doing this comparison thing, which is not fair to you, right? Just what I would suggest is just compare yourself to the person that you were before, compare yourself with like you know, that's that's where the evidence thing comes from and completing goals. So if you did this last year or the year before then, and you're like, okay, so I've actually gotten this and I've actually done this, it proves to you that you can actually do more. So just compare yourself to who you were before. Number 11 is take your ideas seriously before you ask anyone else to. You guys, let me tell you that I was the biggest, biggest problem when it comes to that. Because back in the day, what I used to do is I used to um all the time what I used to do is um I used to tell people my ideas and I used to wait for uh encouragement. Like, oh yeah, I think this is I think this is a great idea, you should go ahead and do so. But then the more you do that, the more you'll never feel comfortable enough, right? So always ask, uh always just take your ideas seriously because there's a reason Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala put the idea in you. So you do have the capability of doing it, so just trust in that and take your ideas seriously, and just you know, like put a step forward so that you can get to where you want to go. Uh so I'll just end by saying that confidence is not something that you have, it's something that you build on. Let me repeat that confidence is not something you have done. I know actually, let me confidence is not something you have, it's something you build. So, as I as we said before, the more you build on things, the more actions you do, that's how you get more confidence. So, I want to leave you with these three things. Start with them so that you can build your confidence. Number one is keep promises to yourself. Number two is do one uncomfortable thing. And the last one is write down your wins so that they can be evidence of what you've done, and that will honestly make you have self-trust. And what did we say about self-trust? Self-trust equals to confidence. So that's it, guys. Thank you so much for being here. Stay cultured, stay grounded, and stay growing. Thank you so much for being here. And if you've gotten to the end, make sure you've subscribed, comment, uh, give me a comment on the comment section telling me of what you guys have learned from this episode. And until next time, inshaAllah.